Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.02: Subterranean Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.02: Subterranean Sonic
Original Air Date: September 16th, 1993

As I've referenced before, the “Sonic” cartoon shows did not have the most direct relationship with the “Sonic” video games. Aside from the titular hedgehog, Robotnik, and Tails, “SatAM” really didn't share anything with the source material. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” had a little more of a direct connection. Just over the course of these first nine episodes I've covered, there have been a handful of references to the game's various environments. “Subterranean Sonic,” the second episode produced, takes place largely in the first game's Marble Zone. While it doesn't resemble the game zone very much, the episode does feature rivers of lava, underground tunnels, and various swinging booby traps of doom Sonic must navigate. Which feels more video game-esque than most of the rest of the episodes I've watched so far.

Anyway, what is “Subterranean Sonic” about? The episode begins with Robotnik insisting Scratch and Grounder track down Sonic and Tails. The duo is discovered in the Marble Zone. Soon, the robots chase them into an underground tunnel in the lava and geyser filled enviroment. While there, Sonic and Tails uncover a grouchy mole miner named Spelunk. Spelunk has been hoarding jewels and golds and doesn't take kindly to any interlopers. After an extended chase, he captures the heroes and throws them into a diamond-barred cage. As soon as Scratch and Grounder get a peek at his horde of gold, they lead their boss to it as well.

Very unusually, “Subterranean Sonic” actually made me laugh quite a few times. Most of the joke in these episodes so far have been just kind of obnoxious and annoying. However, there's a streak of “Looney Tunes”-like absurdity running through this one that amused me. After Spalunk fires a cannonball, it actually follows Sonic and tails around several corners. Before being smashed by this cannonball, Scratch holds up a “HELP” sign to the audience, an obviously Bugs Bunny-inspired gag. Further gags that made me chuckle where Sonic displaying his super-knitting powers and dressing up as an IRS auditor after Robotnik starts to make off with the gold, one of the few disguise jokes that actually makes some coherent sense.

In fact, there's a surprising amount of dialogue in this episode that made me laugh. Robotnik is introduced monologue-ing in a dark room, before yelling at Scratch and Grounder for interrupting his brooding. After getting his head knocked off, Grounder calmly tells Scratch he is rude. Later, after threatening to cook his robot minions into broth, Grounder flat-out asks if you can make broth out of robots. Sonic also gets a few good zingers. Such as when he tells Spalunk that his indecisiveness would make him an idea politician. Later, while dressed in the guise of the auditor, Sonic tells the robots that they “might be forced to work for a living” unless they pay up. All solid chucklers, says I!

It's a good thing “Subterranean Sonic” is a funny episode because, otherwise, I'm not really sold on it. Spalunk is not an especially interesting character. He's introduced as an irredeemable asshole. Upon setting sigt on Sonic and Tails, he immediately starts threatening them. He spends most of the rest of the episode pursuing them, in a seriously unhinged manner. It's only after Sonic saves his life that the mole's grouchy exterior starts to crack up. This one act moves Spalunk so much, that he completely turns around. It's not a compelling character arc, to have a guy act one way for most of the episode only for it to completely change within the span of seconds near the end.

Instead of giving him a standard redemptive arc, “Subterranean Sonic” probably should've ran with Spalunk being a terminal asshole. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” probably needed more villains outside of Robotnik and his henchmen. At one point, Sonic is figthing Robotnik and Spalunk, the two enemy's accidentally coming into conflict with each other. Wouldn't that have been interesting, to see Sonic and one of his enemies reluctantly unite against a common foe? Instead, that only occupies a few minutes until Spalunk does his heel-face turn.

“Subterranean Sonic” is another episode with a built-in moral. Spalunk overcomes his greed and myopic world view, coming out a better man mole on the other side. You would expect the “Sonic Sez” segment to run with that message and tells kids not to be so damn greedy. And it sort of does that. The segment instead encourages kids to share. Via a sequence where Tails has some chili, Spalunk has some hot dogs, and Sonic tells them to put their foodstuff together. This is about the level of moral message “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” should be handling. “Sharing is caring” is a lot more in this show's wheelhouse than “Don't let Father Laffety touch in your swimsuit area.”

It's not an especially great twenty minutes of television. A gag involving a random-ass family of turtles – why did this show hate turtles so much? – really goes nowhere. There's a glaring continuity era, when Sonic switches back and forth between his miner outfit and crossing guard outfit, presumably because DiC was reusing animation. Still, this definitely strikes me as one of the more affable episodes of “Adventures,” at least so far. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.03.: Lovesick Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.03.: Lovesick Sonic
Original Air Date: September 13th, 1993

As I referenced when talking about “Birth of a Salesman” the other week, “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” introduced a ton of minor, one-off characters to “Sonic” lore over the course of its 65 episode run. Most of these have been forgotten, banished to the land of wind and ghosts even by the obsessive-compulsive “Sonic” fandom. Yet a few characters have proven more memorable, perhaps even earning the designation of “fan favorite.”

One such stand-out cast member is Breezie the Hedgehog, from the (third produced, eighth to air) episode of “Adventures.” Though she only ever appeared in that one episode, fans remembered her. So much that Flynn's decision to bring her back for the post-reboot Archie comic was greeted with enthusiasm. This makes “Lovesick Sonic” another one of the rare “AoStH” episodes to really contribute to the wider “Sonic” universe.

So what is “Lovesick Sonic” about? While out doing hero shit, Sonic sees a lime green female-type character that is supposedly a hedgehog being held captive by Scratch and Grounder. She immediately catches his eye and the horny hog is soon doing everything for her, running around the globe to appease her whims. Tails is more suspicious... And his fears are well-founded. Breezie is an android built by Robotnik, to distract, capture, and destroy Sonic while the mad scientist steals the water from a Mobius reservoir and floods an innocent village in the process.

Once again, I'm surprised by an “Adventure of Sonic the Hedgehog” episode with an actual plot. This isn't just a loose premise upon which to hang a series of juvenile gags. This episode's story actually has a beginning, middle, and end. Some of the characters actually grow and change over the course of the episode. Sonic proves he's not just an unstoppable comic hero-prankster, as we learn the hedgehog is a sucker for a pretty face. Robotnik's genuinely pretty evil plot has some real stakes, as Sonic nearly doesn't survive. The heroes are challenged and some people even learn some things about themselves. Normally, a show wouldn't get points for following basic narrative structure like this but it's unusual for “Adventures.”

The character that changes the most is not one of the regular cast members, because “Adventures” isn't that kind of show. Instead, Breezie gets the full blown arc. She starts out as nothing but a manipulative, literally inhuman (inhedgehog?) femme fatale. Yet Sonic's devotion to her is so sweet, that she genuinely develops feelings for him. Granted, this show's emotion spectrum is still extremely childish. Sonic's love manifests as going to ridiculous lengths to get her what she wants and writing cheesy poetry. Yet, in a series as broad as this, Breezie's growth counts for something. Even before her change-of-heart, Breezie's bitchiness makes her a fairly compelling villain.

This probably isn't the real reason Breezie proved so memorable to fans though. She wears a pink dress that is slit up to her hip. She has a wasp-waist and is drawn with ample cleavage in a few scenes. She speaks exclusively in a sensual whisper, is about four feet taller than Sonic, and is introduced tied up. Even the moment where she opens up her chest and pulls out a phone feels kind of fetish-y. (None of this can disguise the fact that her character design is actually pretty awkward looking.) Do a Google Image search for her and see how long it takes you to find some fetish artwork. I'll wait. You'll be right back.

But anyway. The real moral of this episode is not that people can change or that sincerity and love – goofball, puppy dog love – can melt the coldest heart. The real moral is “bros before hoes.” See, Sonic spends the whole episode thinking with his little head, falling all over himself to serve Breezie. Tails, having not gone through puberty yet, realizes that something is up. He warns Sonic but he doesn't listen and it's only his actions in the last act that saves the hedgehog's ass. I was really hoping I could read some hilarious gay subtext into this – Sonic's male life partner helps him overcome his attraction to a female – but Breezie's redemption kind of ruins that. Still, it's fun to see Tails actually do something in an episode, since he's mostly stood back and watched Sonic be the hero in the last few installments.

The episode still has lots comedy. Scratch and Grouner are introduced swinging a fishing hook and grabbing a cactus. Robotnik almost flashes the entire audience when comically changing out of his bathrobe. Sonic saves the day with a bungie cord. He fools the robotic henchman by dressing up as an elderly photographer. Sonic's quest to please Breezie involves a bizarre fight scene with “cannibals,” tribal looking pigs who are also fond of dress-up and explode when defeated. The polar bear from “Best Hedgehog” reappears, as do some random penguins in hula skirts. There's a really out-of-nowhere fight scene with a dragon. It's all aggressively wacky but, for once, I can actually jive with this. A goofy fight scene where Sonic round-house kicks an alligator into the air is actually kind of cool? This is the sort of wacky slapstick I can get into it.

It's a solid episode, maybe one of the best of the entire series. Yet even Breezie's gratuitous sexiness is overshadowed by a certain factor. Yes, this is the “Adventures” episode that gifted us with the “Sonic Sez” segment on sexual harassment. It would seem the show's writers realized they were touching on a more serious topic than usual. There's no jokes in this edutainent segment, just Sonic speaking directly to the audience... But, really, there was nothing they could have done to make this anything but hilariously awkward. Why is Sonic the Hedgehog educating our children about inappropriate touching? Why is he using his catchphrases and slang terms during this otherwise serious moment? It is so deeply miscalculated that the results, no matter how sincere, can't help but be totally hilarious... Or at least they would be, if people hadn't been dunking on this particular moment nonstop for the last sixteen years.

I could probably write an entire blog entry about “That's No Good!' and, honestly, probably will someday. For now, I'll cut it off there. “Lovesick Sonic” is definitely among the most tolerable “Adventures” I've reviewed thus far. I'll even go so far as to say I genuinely like this episode! I'm sure I'll be back to bitching and moaning next week though. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.46. Robolympics

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.46. Robolympics
Original Air Date: September 13th, 1993

I was not an athletic child, to say the least. Not only could I not have been less interested in sports, I also didn't understand how anyone else could possibly see the value in a conflict that didn't involve robots, dinosaurs, or monsters. Yet I did find myself somewhat interested in the Olympics. I don't think it was the techniques or specifics of the various competitions that interested me. Rather, it was the idea of a bunch of different countries competing in an organized event that made the growing OCD in my brain tingle. (“G Gundam” would scratch a similar itch years later.)

Naturally assisting this interest is the various ways over the years that the Olympics have been marketed towards children. The 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia was heavily promoted during my childhood. The games introduced an extremely toyetic mascot named Izzy, who was directly pitched at the kiddie crowd. Something that attracted me to Izzy was that he bore a superficial resemblance to my beloved Sonic. Both were blue, fast, cartoony critters in sneakers who starred in a Sega Genesis video game. Izzy even had his own animated special, which I can vividly recall watching and is now considered lost media. (Around the same time, Cartoon Network was also airing reruns of “Laff-A-Lympics,” which surely added to my sudden Olympic fever.) Years later, I would learn that Izzy was a widely loathed mascot, mocked for his ugly design and cartoony appearance, with the character generally being seen as a symptom of the crass commercialization of the 1996 games. But that shit worked on me. Just another example of how kids will eat up the stupidest nonsense.

What does any of this have to do with “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog?” Not a whole lot, considering the topic of today's post aired two whole years before the '96 games. But that “Adventures” would build an episode around an Olympics style event further shows the premise's appeal to children. Anywho, “Robolympics” has an extremely slow turtle scientist approach Sonic and Tails. Apparently, an asteroid is on a direct collision course with Turtle Town. Robotnik quickly steps in and – in a bizarre and otherwise unrelated decision – says he will destroy the asteroid if Sonic beats him in the annual Robolympics game. Naturally, the mad scientist has no intention of playing fair.

I'll be honest with you, folks. I did not enjoy watching this half-hour of television. “Robolympics” represents “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” at its most sophomoric. The episode is packed with the kind of middling slapstick that would only amuse a toddler. The turtle scientist in the first scene leads to a shotgun blast of “turtles are slow” jokes. Scratch and Grounder produce a great deal of sigh-worthy shenanigans. The various Olympic props open the door for lots of heavy and hammy gags. So Robotnik gets a shot put dropped on his foot. A barbell is also dropped on his foot. He finishes the pole vault by landing in a pool of piranhas. Later, Robotnik slams into concrete and a frozen swimming pool. Scratch and Grounder argue over who gets to light the torch or who is stronger. A sequence involving a rowing competition and a heat-seeking torpedo doesn't even make sense. The surest sign that this is a terrible cartoon made in the early nineties is a random Arnold Schwarzenegger reference, via a weight-lifting robot that Sonic defeats through some incredibly dumb subterfuge. 

It's all extremely dire but not in a way especially unique to “AoStH.” What's a little more distinctive is the weird grotesque streak that continues to run through this show. (And even that was not especially rare in a post-”Ren and Stimpy” world.) An early gag has Sonic pausing right before eating a chili dog, on account of Dr. Turtle showing up. His mouth hangs open in a painful looking rictus grin for several minutes. Not long afterwards, Robotnik licks his lips in a needlessly detailed way before Sonic deforms his face with a marker. Later, the villain shows Grounder's nose-drill straight through his head. You can definitely feel the show writers just not giving a shit on this one, most obliviously during a bit where Sonic stretches his spines out into an umbrella. How the fuck does that work? That's a “this storyboard needs to be ready in the morning and it's four A.M.” punchline if I've ever seen one.

As far as I can tell from my notes, there's exactly three jokes in this episode that made me chuckle in the most mild of ways. Robotnik's attempt to throw the shot put goes array, the heavy ball landing on his head. A robot referee then rolls out and measure the handful of inches the shot traveled. That's a solid gag. A moment where Sonic prefaces blowing a raspberry by saying “a situation like this calls for precisely the right kind of communication” is also visibly recognizable as a joke. As for the vulgar acts of slapstick, Scratch and Grounder beating Robotnik to the punch by hammering their own faces in is one of the better ones.

Seeing as how this is an episode concerned with sportsmanship, you'd expect the “Sonic Sez” edutainment segment to focus on the values of not cheating and playing fair. Instead, we get a brief sequence of Sonic working out on a pull-down machine before Tails decides to pick up a small hand weight. Sonic encourages his little buddy not to overdo it and then some weights fall on Scratch and Grounder's heads. Once again, I question the bizarre series of choices that decided a cartoon hedgehog – who is best known for running fast, not being strong, and who regularly performs logic-defying feats of physical stamina – should educate kids on proper gym safety. I send a message back in time to the children of 1993: Do not take athletic advice from a cartoon character.

About the only value I think “Robolympics” actually has is some pointless bits of trivia it clarifies. At the beginning of the game, it's declared that Robotnik weighs exactly 375 pounds, if you were ever curious about that. (That seems like a much more realistic number than the earlier assertion that Sonic can run at warp factor 4.) In general, “Robolympics” is a painfully unfunny episode with a dumb – even by the standards of this show – premise. Why would Robotnik want to compete with Sonic in an athletic competition anyway? And what the fuck does any of this have to do with an asteroid crushing a town of turtles? And why did I agree to review all sixty-five episodes of this fucking show? [4/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.17: Over the Hill Hero

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.17: Over the Hill Hero
Original Air Date: September 13th, 1993

Let's leap right in this time. “Over the Hill Hero” begins with Scratch and Grounder dropping sneezing bombs – that would be a bomb that causes sneezing – on an innocent random village. As Sonic and Tails attempt to save the day, they are interrupted by Captain Rescue. That would be an overweight superhero raccoon who fights crime with his tricked-out utility belt. However, Captain Rescue has seen better days and is as much a nuisance as an assistance. Meanwhile, Robotnik creates a new invention: An impenetrable force field he intends to encase Sonic inside of. He actually succeeds in capturing the hedgehog, forcing Tails to seek out Captain Rescue for help.

The nineties were a very particular time for superheroes. It was an era when darker and edgier heroes were extremely successful. During this time, the gun-totting, pouch-covered steroid abusers in “X-Force” and Spawn, a literal soldier from Hell, were some of the most popular characters in comic shops. Companies and labels like Image and Vertigo, packed with gore and sex and poopoo fuck words, were best-sellers. Stalwarts like Batman, Captain America, Wonder Woman, and Iron Man were replaced with more violent counterparts. Green Lantern went berserk, Aquaman had his arm eaten off by piranhas, and Superman fucking died. Everybody was a clone. It was a dark, poorly drawn time.

During this era, traditionally wholesome heroes were not to be respected. It was this atmosphere that “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” launched “Over the Hill Hero” into the word. See, Sonic might hardly be in the same league as the Punisher or Youngblood but he was still a good guy largely defined by his attitude. Heroic archetypes, the type that clearly inspired Captain Rescue, were to be mocked and belittled. This is exactly what the show does, though the script – and Sonic along with it – eventually comes around to respecting the guy. He's still depicted as fat, out-of-touch, and slightly pathetic. Sometimes this is funny, such as the reveal that he lives in a trailer park (with his superhero rocket underneath), but usually it's just batting at low-hanging fruit.

While its set-up is not especially unique or interesting, “Over the Hill Heroes” earns points for almost having an actual plot. Robotnik's plan is a little more detailed than just causing chaos and trying to smash Sonic. Captain Rescue's redemptive arc also provides a little more meat for the plot. (Gary Chalk, already around voicing Grounder, gets to utilize his more traditionally heroic baritone as the superhero.) There's also a couple of jokes that made me laugh. Such as Scratch and Grounder, when accused by Robotnik of failing once again, clarify that they “succeeded in a negative kind of way.” Or Grounder asking why Scratch got sinuses and he didn't. Sonic's once-an-episode disguise has him dressing up as a general and barking off a list of endless specifications. And, as always, Long John Baldry's gloating as Robotnik is amusingly hammy.

This only last for so long, before the episode collapses into subpar slapstick. This is almost what literally happens, as Robotnik's reasonable scheme degrades before too long into mindless destruction. Most of the gags here do not inspire too many chuckles. Extremely pedestrian jokes like Captain Rescue's pants falling down, Robotnik being repeatedly spun through the air, or Scratch and Grounder tripping and accidentally smooshing the doctor.

This is another episode with disturbingly fleshy animation. The sneezing bombs Scratch and Grounder drop literally sneeze, the missiles growing mouths. This same thing happens to the blimps they fly around in. Which is kind of gross. So are the sub-humanoid, Popeye-like creatures that inhabit the imperiled village. Later, Sonic spins the robots into the shape of balling pins and Robotnik lifts up the background like a curtain. It's this elastic, casual disregard for physics that makes this show, ya know, pretty hard to take seriously. (The animation just kind of blows in general. The fight scene between Captain Rescue and the minions is incredibly stiff. Sonic is stuck in a weird, dinosaur-like pose in one shot.)

We do learn some notable things about the world of Mobius in this episode though. The one village the heroes protect is called Hill Top, a rare reference to the actual video games. Captain Rescue has apparently operated as a superhero for some time – Robotnik had an action figure of him as a kid – so Sonic is not the first of his kind. (Why Rescue wasn't around to resist Robotnik's take-over of the world, I don't know.) Also, regular old guns are seen in a flashback, making me wonder why Robotnik doesn't just shoot people more often. Mobius apparently utilizes the Greco-Roman calendar, as Rescue references the year 1964. Oh, and solar power is seemingly a common feature on this world, as Robotnik wants to hijack a solar powered satellite. Which is nice.

Alright, how about that sweet edu-tainment content? Our “Sonic Says” segment this week has Tails and Captain Rescue being lost in the woods. An elderly woodchuck or something informs them that moss on a tree always faces north. And apparently continuing on a north path leads you out of the woods. This is not the intended advice of the segment. (It's also not true. Don't take life-saving advice from cartoon characters, kids.) Instead, the lesson to learn here is to respect your elders and listen to their wisdom, a theme carried over from the episode itself. Never mind that old people are full of shit all the damn time... It truly is interesting the knowledge this cartoon tried to impart on little kids back in the days.

So it's another fairly mediocre, middle-of-the-road “Adventure.” I'm expecting a lot more episodes of this quality before I'm through with this thing. The most interesting thing about “Over the Hill Hero” is that, if Ian Flynn and I had traded places at some point, I totally would've found an excuse to use Captain Rescue in the post-reboot comic book somehow. Just for fun-sies. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.22: Pseudo Sonic

(I apologize for the lack of updates the last week or so. The truth is, the current state of the world has completely fucked-up my ability to focus on my hobbies. I'm going to try and get myself back on track but delays could happen again. Sorry about that.)

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.22: Pseudo Sonic
Original Air Date: September 10th, 1993

For whatever reason, people love to create robot copies of Sonic. I've pondered on this before. I suppose it's a somewhat inevitable idea, when Sonic's archenemy is a mad scientist who makes robots. The evil duplicate is a classic action story concept anyway. Yet the “Sonic” franchise – and, by extension, the fandom – is especially obsessed with the idea of “Evil Robot Sonic.” The series has Metal Sonic, several different characters named Mecha Sonic, multiple versions of Silver Sonic, Shard, and those are just the first ones that come to mind. That seems to be an excess of robot versions of the main character. A very early example of a robot Sonic is Pseudo-Sonic. He debuted in the eponymous episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog,” a few weeks before the Japanese release of “Sonic CD” introduced Metal Sonic. (Though the original Silver Sonics predate them both.)

In “Pseudo Sonic,” Robotnik touches upon the villainous idea of creating a duplicate of Sonic and using it to discredit the hero's reputation. (Similar plots would play out in an early Archie Anti-Sonic story and “Sonic Adventure 2,” sort of.) He creates Pseudo Sonic, a reasonable robotic facsimile of the hedgehog. Though all of Robotnik's other robots have artificial intelligence, Pseudo Sonic needs to be piloted. He forces a rat named Lawrence to operate the machine. Soon, the machine goes about performing crimes, turning the public against Sonic. However, our heroic hedgehog soon discovers Lawrence is an okay guy. A field of poisonous flowers puts in an appearance, keeping Sonic and Lawrence from working together, forcing Tails to intervene.

From what I've seen of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog,” it doesn't strike me as a typically plot heavy series. However, “Submerged Sonic” and “Pseudo Sonic” are both a little more story-driven than usual. While that was a weakness in the last episode, it actually works somewhat well here. Instead of just pranking Robotnik, like usual, there's an actual threat to Sonic here. To his heroic reputation, if not his life. While it might not make much sense for Pseudo Sonic to be piloted, Robotnik forcing an otherwise innocent person to do his bidding – by threatening his family, no less – makes this an episode with some actual dramatic meat on its bone. Lawrence immediately has our sympathy and we are invested in seeing Sonic help him. There's even something to be said for how a Sonic-tracking missile introduced in the episode's beginning comes back at the end.

Now, don't think that “Pseudo Sonic” lacks any of the dumb-ass comedy that was this show's trademark. Scratch and Grounder get plenty of pratfalls, whacking themselves with anvils or exploding bubblegum bombs in their faces. Sonic still saves the day by putting on an easily seen-through disguise and using the robot minions' idiocy against themselves. Not that Robotnik comes off much better, as Tails defeats him with a bucket of ice water. This episode also continues to show us how fucking weird this version of Mobius is. Aside from revealing yet more geometrical and surreal geography, we also get a good look how this society is made up of anthromorphic animals, cartoonish people, and less anthromoprhic animals. I wish the show creators had picked just one or the other.

Still, I did laugh a little more this time than in the last few episodes. Pseudo Sonic's crime wave ranges from acts of genuine brutality to petty mischief. He robs a museum and an armor truck. Which are reasonably bad-guy actions. He'll then explode an innocent citizen by replacing their light bulb with a grenade or lead an old lady into on-coming traffic, which is straight-up psychopath shit. Then the robot hedgehog will do something really minor, like literally stealing candy from a baby! (A news reporter even, amusingly, refers to the framed Sonic as “creating mischief.”) That variety of criminal activity, all contrasting together, is pretty funny. There's also a handful of decent one-liners here, from Grounder's naive request for popcorn or Robotnik referencing driver's licenses.

Though a pretty decent episode, as far as this show goes, “Pseudo Sonic” is rather notorious in the fandom for one reason. After Sonic and Lawrence stumbled into that field of poisonous flowers, both of their bodies swell up with hives. This was just a standard kid's show gag in 1993 but, in 2020, can't help but remind viewers of disturbing “inflation” fetish artwork. Sonic waddling around, as if he's suddenly gained a hundreds pound, somehow aroused a whole generation of growing furry perverts. It doesn't help that the episode repeatedly references Sonic and Lawrence's discomfort repeatedly, the two moaning and groaning at their itchiness or scratching themselves. Which is sort of unsettling. I'd chop all the fetish-y undercurrent up to coincidence if this episode didn't also feature a brief shot of Pseudo Sonic whacking someone's ass with a paddle. (There's also repeated shots of Tails' size shifting as he crawls in and out of the Pseudo Sonic body, which probably got some weirdo's rocks off.)

I don't know if “AoStH” wrote their episodes and then thought of a related “Sonic Says” message to conclude things with. Or if the writers decided on a moral and then worked backwards from there. Either way, “Pseudo Sonic's” edutainment section has Sonic warning kids about poison ivy, how they should avoid it, and what they should do if they come into contact with it. This isn't one of the “Sonic Sez” sequences that has become funny because of some values dissonance or a hammy delivery. Instead, the sight of Tails sensually massage an itchy Sonic amusingly raises a whole different set of implications.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that “Pseudo Sonic” was one of the few “Adventures” episode to be directly adapted by Archie's “Sonic” comic series. Except in the comics, Pseudo-Sonic – hyphenated for some reason – was as autonomous as the rest of Robotnik's robots. Aside from the titular robot and the presence of poison flowers, the two versions are pretty different. Still, it is interesting that Archie would utilize this particular evil Sonic robot before introducing Metal Sonic or any of his counterparts. As for the episode itself, it's actually probably my favorite “Adventures of Sonic” installment yet. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.26: Submerged Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.26: Submerged Sonic
Original Air Date: September 9th, 1993

Much like “SatAM,” “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog's” relationship with the actual Sega video games it was created to promote was marginal, at best. “SatAM” really took nothing but Sonic, Robotnik, and the Power Rings, while adapting stray elements from the games in an extremely loose manner. “Adventures” wasn't much different in that regard but would, occasionally, make the connection a little more explicit. In “Submerged Sonic,” the 26th episode to be produced and the fourth to air, the cast visits the underwater kingdom of Labyrinth. To make this connection to the first game's Labyrinth Zone more obvious, the Jaws badniks put in a brief appearance in this episode.

That's about it, as far as “Submerged Sonic's” connection to the game goes. Here's the plot: In the underwater kingdom of Labyrinth, King Saline is disappointed with his mermaid daughter, Bubbles. She has fallen in love with surfer dude merman Surff and wishes to marry him. The king is so incensed, he throws both of them out of the domed city. At the same time, Robotnik attacks Labyrinth with his brand new submarine, determined to steal the kingdom's supply of Power Pearls. That would be pearls with explosive properties. After Bubbles is kidnapped, Surff floats to the surface and recruits Sonic and Tails to help.

The main issue facing “Submerged Sonic” as an episode is this: The merfolk are largely terrible. King Saline is a blustering, overprotective dad whose temper is out of control. Bubbles is a flighty and empty-headed girl without much in the way of an actual personality. Surff, meanwhile, is extremely annoying. His unappealing visual design – sickly green skin and a bright orange pompadour – is paired with the dopiest surfer dude dialogue you could imagine. Even Sonic seems deeply annoyed by the guy, especially during a moment when he almost blows up their submarine with those aforementioned Power Pearls. The episode's best joke, if it was even intended as a joke, has Sonic trying to discourage Tails from accepting the guy's request for help. (Also, this is the second episode where Sonic and Tails help some random stranger out with their romantic problems. It's weird that is becoming a reoccurring theme so early on in this show.)

Truthfully, humor does not seem to be the primary goal with “Submerged Sonic.” Yeah, there's lots of jokes but they are of the most uninspired slapstick. Sonic and friends get comically squished against a wall when tossed in the prison. Sonic squashes their guard when he kicks down the door. King Saline gets shocked in the ass with his own lightning bolts. If anything, the action/adventure plot seems to take precedence this time, even if that ridiculous cartoon logic is maintained through. Our heroes spend a good chunk of the episode being chased by Robotnik's submarine. The big climax involves Sonic fighting – and swimming, once again disproving the title of my blog – a giant robotic sting ray.

You see this episode's shift towards more action/adventure plotting in a scene where Robotnik attempts to intimidate the King. In this single scene, while holding the Princess hostage and threatening to torpedo Labyrinth, Robotnik actually seems like an effective villain. This makes the rest of the episode, where Robotnik and his minions are subjected to some super lame slapstick, all the more disappointing. Scratch and Grounder's antics – confusion over the meaning of the word “fire,” accidentally smacking Robotnik with a stick, rowing in opposite directions while being in the same raft – are truly tiresome this time. The only joke here I like, of Grounder begging the doctor to let him destroy the city, does not feature any physical comedy.

Why it isn't always the case, the Sonic Says segment this time ties into the rest of the episode. Surff attempts to dive into a lake off a cliff, only for Sonic to stop him. This leads to a warning about not diving into shallow water. (And also continues to make Surff look like the biggest fucking idiot in the world.) Sonic makes sure to point out that, while such an action wouldn't hurt a cartoon character, a real person wouldn't be so lucky. It's less cringe-inducing than previous segments devoted to not believing what you see on TV or not running away from home. But Sonic sure isn't the Spirit of Dark and Lonely Water, alright?

Also, this episode features Sonic and Tails doing dishes together in one scene. Which pushes their friendship in a very domestic direction, raising a lot of hilarious questions in the process. Over all, “Submerged Sonic” is kind of a weird episode in that it's a little more story-driven and less madcap than “Adventures” has been up to this point. Sonic doesn't even put on a disguise this time! Yet it's still full of annoying characters and less-than-inspired gags. So, if this was an attempt to maybe redirect the series' tone a little, it wasn't very successful. [5/10]

7 MIND-BLOWING Facts About Sonic That Will RUIN Your CHILDHOOD!!!

1. He was almost a rabbit!

Yep, it's true. Sega considered a number of potential animals when designing their mascot hero! Before the company decided on a hedgehog, they floated around ideas like Teddy Rossevalt in pajamas – which eventually became Eggman! – and a bunny rabbit! The idea is that the rabbit would pick up enemies with its ears! (This mechanic would later be reused for Ristar, another Genesis-era platformer!) Thankfully, saner heads intervened and we got our cool, blue, hedgehog hero! Just as God intended! But if he had been a harmless white bunny, wouldn't that have just been the WORST?!!

2. He's not as fast as you think!

The song, after all, proclaims that Sonic rolls around at the speed of sound. But consider this. If Sonic were to accelerate to the speed of sound – 3840 mils per hour! – he would be hit with up to 34 G-forces! This would cause all the blood to immediately retreat from his head eyes, leading to him loosing the ability to see color! Next, as blood was further pushed from his head by the encroaching speed, he'd pass out! Which would be even worst because, if he were to come to a sudden stop at that speed, his internal organs and bones would slam at the speed of sound with his skin and anything else. Leading to the Blue Blur becoming a Blue Slurry of blood and guts. Isn't your childhood SMASHED by this information?!

3. He's a cyclops!

Look into Sonic's eyes. Really look into them. Examine those orbs. Consider them. And then, woe onto you, consider the fact that he doesn't have two distinct eyes. Yes, it is true. Sonic only have one giant eye, two irises kept inside one massive ocular cavity and not entirely separated by a sloping eyelid. It is undeniably true that Sonic is just like Polyphemus of the ancient Greek myths, a godless abomination with but one single eye! Isn't your childhood absolutely fucking WRECKED?!!

4. He's unemployed!

Yep, it's an undeniable truth of the universe, an indisputable fact. Sonic has never held steady employment in his entire life! This little free-loading hedgehog has never felt the satisfying dampness of sweat on his brow, earned from a long day of honest labor! This lazy little guy has never even stacked boxes or picked up trash for a living. He just runs from place to place, sucking time and money from more prosperous people! Truly, your nostalgic remembrance are just completely DESTROYED now, aren't they?

5. SatAM is an Illuminati psyop!

Consider the evidence. The Illuminati, the secret controllers of our world, are honor-bound to pepper wider popular culture with hidden minutes and hints to their existence, in order to brainwash the public into more easily accepting being ruled by them! The Saturday morning cartoon iteration of “Sonic the Hedgehog” is littered with occult symbolism, evidence of the Satanic masters that manipulate our society from behind the scenes! Sonic and the heroes, the characters the audience is expected to emphasize with, freely use magic to accomplish their goals! Just like WITCHES! And look at Sonic's head! Is that three triangles – symbolic of the all-seeing eye of Horus, the Illuminati emblem – I spy? It's right there in the name of the series! “SatAM” is, after all, just one letter off from SATAN!!!! Hey, I bet your childhood is in TATTERS right now!

6. He watches you always

Why do you think Sonic needs one giant eyeball for? Because he's watching you. He sees you when you are asleep. Standing over your bed, watching you slumber. He sees you while you eat. While you are in the shower. Even now, Sonic is watching. His gaze is always set on you, just you, and never interrupted. Knowing that your favorite cartoon animal superhero is constantly violating your privacy and invading your personal space must SURELY change everything you thought was true about your childhood?!!

7. He could have stopped your parents' divorce but chose not to, to teach you a lesson

That's right. Sonic is well aware that your parents broke up when you were only a child, shattering any sense of stability you once felt. You thought Mom and Dad would always be there for you, supporting you through everything. Instead, they just started fighting a lot and then you had two Christmases from then on. Your whole life, you've struggled to find that feeling of safety you had in those simpler times, ripped away from you forever.

Sonic was there. He could've stopped it. He could've been a liaison between Mom and Dad, helped them talked out their issues. Helped them figure out those irreconcilable differences. But he didn't. Because you were such a snot-nosed brat. Such a greedy, selfish child. You needed to be brought down a peg or two. Doesn't that just completely SHATTER your childhood?!