Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.20: So Long Sucker

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.20: So Long Sucker

Original Air Date: September 29th, 1993

Here comes another episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" that's not so concerned with interior logic. While running around Mobius' surreal landscapes, Sonic comes across a multicolored doorway appearing out of thin air. He correctly, and causally, assumes this to be a rift in reality leading to another dimension. After running off, a small, black, blob-like creature leaps out. It follows Sonic to a park bench, where Tails has prepared a feast of chili dogs. After discovering the creature, Tails immediately grows attached to it, naming it Goobster. Goobster, however, soon displays a ravenous appetite for chili dogs. When displeased, it grows to giant size and sucks everything in the nearby area into its gaping maw. Robotnik soon realizes that such a creature, as well as Tails' attachment to it, can be exploited. 

"So Long Sucker," very briefly, features an angle I wish "Sonic" media would play up more. That would be a conflict between Sonic and Tails. The two are always depicted as the closest of friends, with early cartoons like this having Sonic be more of a brotherly or mentor-like figure to the smaller fox. Yet friends disagree sometimes. My best buddy, who has been my friend for about nineteen years, almost always disagrees with me and that's part of our adorable dynamic. Aside from a few Archie issues, "Sonic" media has been reluctant to show any strife between Sonic and Tails, even though that's a pretty fruitful source for good drama and tension.

For a very short moment in "So Long Sucker," Sonic and Tails are at odds. Sonic realizes Goobster is too dangerous to keep around. Tails, meanwhile, begs to keep him. The fox comes along pretty quickly to Sonic's way of thinking but it's still something. Honestly, I think Sonic is way too chill about the whole thing. During a humiliating sequence where Sonic attempts to appease the insatiable Goobster, the hedgehog has both a steak and a sandwich (referred to as a PB&J, even though it's clearly lettuce and tomato) spat back in his face. This Numemon looking motherfucker almost eats Sonic and Tails a few times. I think the hedgehog is pretty right to be pissed-off. 

Sonic is, of course, right that Goobster — not to be confused with a globster or  a goofy goober — has no business being Tails' pet. This is one of the few "AoStH" episodes with a clear moral, which extends into the Sonic Sez segment. This cartoon is a plea for responsible pet ownership. Just cause a critter is cute doesn't mean you should let live it in your home. I'm reminded of those dumbasses who think they can keep a monkey or a raccoon the same way you and I share our lives with cats or dogs. The same dumbasses are inevitably shocked when the wild animal they tried to keep as a pet goes crazy and attacks somebody. At the episode's end, Tails asks if he can have some other crazy animal as a pet before Sonic gingerly recommends a goldfish. 

Still, I have some sympathy for Tails here. He immediately bonds with Goobster, declaring the disgusting little blob his favorite thing in the world within minutes. This is actually pretty accurate, as anyone who has seen a kid with a puppy can attest to. Robotnik trying to use Tails' new pet to get at Sonic is one of the villain's more clever schemes. But even this obese dictator has a soft spot for critters. During a scene that adds nothing to the story, and was included presumably because the writers thought it was funny, Robotnik recalls the intense fondness he once had for his pet cockroach, Mr. Bobo. Which is an unexpected beat of character development. 

All of its thematic concerns aside, did I actually like "So Long Sucker?" I did not find Goobster as endearing as Tails, as his amorphous body and fleshy inner folds are mildly unsettling. Yet he's less annoying than baby Boom-Boom or Da Bears, so I guess that counts for something. There's also one or two decent gags here. Like Grounder volunteering to kick his own ass after displeasing Robotnik or the grand villain gleefully deciding to give himself a pay raise. A moment where Sonic has paced a groove into the ground slightly amused me as well. This episode is also a little better animated than the last few, the chase scenes being fairly fluid and the characters being a little more expressive than usual.

So I guess it adds up to a pretty decent episode. I don't have any desire to see Goobster again and we never do, as he happily returns to his dimension in the final scene. As an one-off though, this was fine. It's dumb and cheap and mildly gross but, by the standards of this particular series, it still gets a thumbs-up from me. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.04: Slowwww Going

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Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.04: Slowwww Going

Original Air Date: September 28th, 1993

Ah, the humble sloth. Once it was just a tropical dwelling notorious only for its slow-moving. (Which has, like most animal facts, been largely exaggerated over the years.) I would go so far as to say this odd-looking animal was somewhat unknown by a large number of people. Thanks to the internet and day time talk shows, the sloth's notoriety has grown. Not only have a lot of people discovered this sluggish critter, they've discovered they think sloths are cute. Elevated to living meme status, you can now buy sloth merchandise of all types almost anywhere. "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" was ahead of the curve on the commercial potential of the sloth, cracking jokes about the moss-covered animals in the early nineties.

Sonic, we discover, has sympathy for the slow-moving sloths that are so different from himself. In "Slowwww Going," Robotnik exploits that by targeting a family of nearly immobile sloths. The family includes young Rocket, who claims to be the fastest sloth on Mobius. (Which still means he's painfully slow by any normal standard.) Anyway, Robotnik has invented a special laser beam — powered by a rare crystal — that sticks someone in slow motion for an hour. He sends Scratch and Grounder to zap Sonic with this ray, which they eventually do. However, Tails and Rocket's family end up helping save the day. 

When you have a character defined by his super speed, pretty quickly you are going to touch on the idea of draining that speed away. After all, we learn that "fast" and "slow" are opposites in kindergarten. I'm sure this plot has happened a hundred times to the Flash. Unsurprisingly, it's a premise "Sonic" writers have touched on a few times over the years. It took the writers of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" exactly three episodes to think of this idea, as "Slowwww Going" was the fourth episode of the series produced. Speed is ostensibly Sonic's main advantage over his enemies. If he just moves at normal hedgehog speed, will he be as effective against Robotnik? It's a real challenge to the hero. It means he'll have to push himself, using only his wits, to stop the villain.

It's an idea rich with potential... Potential that "Adventures" in no way utilizes. Instead of having Sonic struggle with this new challenge, the "AoStH" writers delay him getting zapped as long as possible. Naturally, Robotnik trusts this game-changing weapon to Scratch and Grounder, who screw around with stupid traps and fuck up repeatedly for most of the episode. When Sonic is finally shot with the beam, he's totally screwed. Tails, Rocket, and a plot contrivance — when the crystal is broken, the ray works in reverse, causing super speed — save his ass instead. Yep, even though "Adventures" has Sonic outsmarting his enemies multiple times every episode, he's not given a chance to flex his brain any this time. 

That's because this show must exaggerate everything. See, the slow ray doesn't just bring Sonic down to normal speed. It traps him in slow-mo, giving the hedgehog comically slurred speech and sloth-y movements. A whole episode of that might've gotten tedious — though, again, not if the creators really thought about it — so instead they screw around for fifteen minutes. Yet this delay really just shows how unstoppable this version of Sonic is. At one point, during another one of Scratch and Grounder's dumbass ploys, he kicks up enough speed to create a tornado. Sonic then grabs the tornado by the tail and flings it into the ground. Sonic's not just super fast and far smarter than his dumbass enemies. He can also bend the rules of physics utterly to his will. Why isn't this version of Robotnik dead yet? He's clearly outclassed. (By the way, it took Robotnik nine years to perfect the slow-mo crystal, suggesting this struggle has been going on for almost a decade. I can only assume Sonic the God hasn’t killed him yet because he finds his pathetic attempts to stop him amusing.)

Anyway, complaining about this show wasting a good idea is really stupid. Why would I ever expect this show to live up to its potential? You try and think up sixty-five episode ideas before lunch and see if any of them are good. Complaining about this show being annoying is also pointless but I'm going to do it anyway. The trend of introducing characters more obnoxious than the regular cast continues with "Slowwww Going." Rocket isn't too bad on paper. But his constantly drawn-out and sluggish line-reading becomes irritating almost immediately. It's not even really a joke but the episode treats it like one, returning to it over and over again. 

After being effected by the reversed slow-mo ray, Rocket and his family are bouncing all over the place. The effects are going to wear off though, leaving them as slow as ever afterwards. I was really hoping the "Sonic Says" segment would spin this into a truly misguided anti-drug. No, they don't do that but the idea they did run with is almost as bad. In the edutainment segment, Tails is a little frustrated with Rocket. Sonic tells his body to be patient, that everyone is special in their own way. Um, wait, does Sonic see sloths as developmentally disabled? Perhaps the writers realized that was a metaphor they really shouldn't explore, so instead this "Sonic Says" swerves in an even weirder direction by having Rocket inform Tails how to escape quicksand. Because fucking quicksand is a threat kids will encounter a lot in their day-to-day lives. 

So "Slowwww Going" is, itself, pretty slow. There's lots of pedestrian slapstick and Robotnik repeatedly gets zapped with the slow-mo ray, a gag the show seemingly finds hilarious. One joke — where Scratch riding around on Grounder's back is switched around — caused the briefest dying ember of a smile to cross my face. Again, I'm the fool for expecting anything from this program. Oh well, only like fifty left to go. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.09: Momma Robotnik's Birthday

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.09: Momma Robotnik's Birthday

Original Air Date: September 27th, 1993

Nowadays, Sega has an explicit rule that "Sonic" tie-in media cannot depict blood relatives of Sega-created "Sonic" cast members. Ostensibly, this is so Sega can keep their characters' origins vague, least a defined backstory interfere with their statuses as corporate mascots. It's also probably so the company doesn't end up in another embarrassing legal fracas, that ends with some weirdo owning the rights to Knuckles' daughter. Nineties "Sonic" tie-in media, on the other hand, was filled with various relatives. The comic were heavy with parents, offspring, and the occasional uncle. The third animated series revolves around Sonic having two siblings. An early manga gave Sonic a little sister. And "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would even extend this to Robotnik, as several episodes would feature the villain's equally wicked mother. 

"Momma Robotnik's Birthday" revolves around exactly that. After escaping the nursing home she was in, the doctor's rotund mother marches into his base and demands a birthday present. Her first wish is to have an entire park destroyed, as it obscures the view from her bedroom window. After Sonic shows up and saves the day, her new wish becomes to destroy the hedgehog once and for all. In order to facilitate this, Robotnik cooks up a scheme to kidnap Tails and have Sonic run through a park full of deadly traps.

 

"AoStH" would introduce several unintentionally terrifying characters over its run. However, I think Momma Robotnik is terrifying completely on purpose. She looks to be about nine feet tall and can stride through walls with ease. Physically, she's almost an exact match for her son, including the large orange mustache. (Tails actually mistakes her for a crossdressing Robotnik in one scene.) The character designers saw fit to give Momma Robotnik a matronly bust, including disturbingly detailed cleavage. Robotnik's mom speaks with a husky growl, to complete her unnerving presence. Large, obnoxious women were a common comedic trope in the early nineties — this was, after all, when Roseanne was at her maximum power — but "AoStH" managed to create a truly nightmarish example. 

Another common comedic trope among lazy kids media like this is to have the big bad emasculated by a nagging wife or an overpowering mother. So, yes, of course Momma Robotnik is abusive towards her son. She smacks him with her umbrella repeatedly and threatens him with physical violence more than once. During a flashback to Robotnik's childhood — where he is depicted as an anime-eyed blob creature — we see his mother seemingly kept him in a cage. Robotnik, to continue the lazy comedic dynamic, puts up with his mom's abuse, kowtowing to her outrageous demands, and frequently regressing to a childish persona in her presence. 

Last review, I noted that Scratch and Grounder's relationship with Robotnik resembles a needy child with an abusive parent. Now, we learn that Robotnik did not come into this habit on his own. He too is a child desperate to please an abusive, emotionally manipulative parent. He always strives to make her happy but receives only scorn and violence in return. Despite his own proud history of villainy, he's reduced to a cowering child whenever she's around. This is just a dumbass show making dumbass jokes but it accidentally created a compelling example of how the cycle of abuse repeats. I bet if Momma Robotnik ever had a "better" child, she would abandon Robotnik too. 

A more intentional message inside this episode is the environmental one. I've commented frequently on the "Save the Earth" ethos that was common in early "Sonic" comics and cartoons. While "AoStH" never touched on that theme the way "SatAM," it tries a little here. Robotnik sends robots armed with poison gas to strip a park full of (peppermint patterned, for some reason) trees. Sonic steps in and stops the deforestation, not so much because he speaks for the trees, but to defeat the baddy. Yet the message remains clear. Making it even more obvious is the Sonic Says segment, where our hedgehog gives a little speech about pollution and planting trees. We were so obsessed with saving the environment in the early nineties that even garbage cartoons like this felt the need to comment on it. 

All of that aside, "Momma Robotnik's Birthday" does prove to be more amusing than your average episode of "Adventures." A gag where Sonic sets up a fake game show to fool Scratch and Grounder made me chuckle, due to how well the cartoon apes the language of that genre. After Tails is captured, and he's hung upside down in a spooky graveyard, he deadpans that he's in "so much trouble." Still, this show being the absurd nightmare it is, there's still lots of stupid or gross shit too. A gag devoted to Sonic's attempt to chew a chili dog, which ends with him forking his own tongue, is unnervingly fleshy. A later moment where a teddy bear grows into a multi-headed monstrosity featured more body horror than a kid show like this needed. Gags involving robot chili pots, Coconuts speaking with a Cajun accent, or Robotnik being stuck in mud are painfully unfunny. There's also a noticeable animation flub, where Sonic speaks without moving his mouth.

Oh no, I caught myself complaining about "Adventures" being dumb or unfunny again. There's no point in doing that. Like how there's no need to point out how nonsensical it is that Robotnik correctly identifies Sonic in a disguise this time, when he's never been able to before. Or the odd ending, which features an ambulance shaped like a dog's head sliding into frame without any wheels at all. Let's just be grateful that this cartoon made me laugh once or twice, instead of just annoying or distressing me. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.14: The Robotnik Express

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.14: The Robotnik Express

Original Air Date: September 24th, 1993

It's good to know that, even though Robotnik is a tyrannical despot, he still believes in the merits of public transportation. Because we're all about trains today, baby. In "The Robotnik Express," Scratch and Grounder are transporting a shipment of bombs to Robotnik via train. A pair of dim-witted bears, Big Griz and Mad Mike, want to rob the train as a blow against the dictator they hate. Yet these guys are so dumb that they are easily convinced Scratch and Grounder are Sonic and Tails and Sonic and Tails are Scratch and Grounder. Our speedy hero and his two-tailed sidekick have to contend with this double dose of stupid and also stop the train from going over an incomplete bridge and exploding a village. 

The last episode I reviewed involved introducing a character possessing even less intelligence than the dumb-ass robots Sonic usually fools every single episode. "The Robotnik Express," which was produced three episodes after "Big Daddy" but aired directly afterwards, has a similar plot contrivance. With just mere words, Scratch and Grounder convince the bears that they are Sonic and Tails. This is despite the fact that the bears know Sonic is fast and Tails has two tails, qualities Scratch and Grounder clearly do not possess. No wonder Sonic is the hero of Mobius. He seems to be the smartest person on a planet overrun with simpletons.

As I've previously stated, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" is a surreal hellscape were nothing matters but certain events repeat like clockwork every day. Sonic will don multiple disguises every episode and the bad guys will always fall for it. Scratch and Grounder will fuck things up by being morons. It also seems plots about mistaken identities or imposters are going to be incredibly common as well. Yet "The Robotnik Express" is incredibly repetitive even within its own run time. Several different times Big Griz and Mad Mike introduce themselves as Da Bears. This is a reference to the Chicago Bears football team and the Great Lakes dialect common in and around that city, which was made especially famous in the early nineties by a "Saturday Night Live!" sketch.

Why was a children's cartoon referencing regional sports teams and a late-night comedy show aimed at adults? I don't know the answer to that question but I'm going to guess it's because, once again, the writers were lazy and bored. They probably figured shouting out "Da Bears!" might make any adult watching along with their kids chuckle. And then they just kept repeating the joke, because they were bad at comedy. As a then-relevant pop culture gag, it'll come off as totally random and inexplicable to modern, younger viewers. Unless they're from Chicago, I guess. (Mad Mike, despite his hillbilly overalls, also speaks with an Inland Northern accent but Big Griz sounds more like Rocky Balboa for no reason. I'm going to credit that to Gary Chalk having only so many doofus voices in his repertoire.) 

Anyway, that's not interesting. Recently, I've said that Robotnik acts more like an asshole boss who abuses his employees than a brilliant grand director. While Coconuts just wants a promotion, or an attaboy at the very least, Scratch and Grounder desire something more. At the beginning of this episode, the two robots are childishly arguing over who will get to pull the train whistle. Each robot is convinced they are Robotnik's most loved creation, using that exact wording, which gives them authority over the choo-choo. This makes Robotnik an even bigger scumbag. He treats his robots like disposable employees after programming them to love him like he's their father. That's fucked-up, man.

"The Robotnik Express" doesn't just acknowledge love. It also acknowledges death. During an oddly serious moment in this otherwise farcical half-hour, Sonic becomes concerned Tails will be crushed in a train tunnel. The episode also attempts to mine dramatic tension from whether that village of easily panicked buffalo people will be exploded by the falling train. Of course, everything works out okay. But it is a little weird that a cartoon that has no problem crashing its villains into cave roofs or smashing its enemies to pieces would pause to mention mortality at all. I guess the rules of cartoon slapstick invulnerability only apply to bad guys?

Then again, this has always been a show that slingshots between the dumbest, laziest slapstick imaginable and awkward acknowledgment of real life issues. Such as those notorious Sonic Sez edutainment section. This installment of Sonic Sez tells kids not to get into vehicles driven by strangers. Of course, it does this by having a crudely disguised Scratch and Grounder attempt to coerce Tails into a car. (Apparently the bad guys are not the only people susceptible to paper-thin disguises in this universe.) Except Scratch and Grounder just want to capture Tails for Robotnik. Real people trying to grab kids off the streets usually have far more sinister intentions. It's still just so fucking weird that a cartoon this ridiculous tried to educate kids on how not to get kidnapped, raped, or murdered. Surely somebody working on this show felt the disconnect? Or were they all just that focused on getting through the work day? I guess sometimes you just gotta get paid. 

If I made this episode sound interesting, I apologize. It's really rather shit. The animation is bad, the train looking like a child's drawing and Sonic visibly going off-model several times. The only jokes that land is a brief moment where Scratch and Grounder admit their opponent correctly identified their stupidity and Long John Baldry's ability to roll his Rs with extreme gusto. Mostly, the Bears — excuse me, Da Bears — really irritated me. But I guess annoyances are to be expected when you are watching a cartoon made in Hell. [4/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.10. Big Daddy

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.10. Big Daddy

Original Air Date: September 23rd, 1993

Because it was largely written by lazy and bored boomers, lots of early nineties kids media featured parodies to “King Kong.” Though black-and-white monster movies aired on television with a little more regularity back then, I don't think the kind of kids watching “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” had actually seen “King Kong.” I didn't see it until I was a teenager but, because references were so omni-present, I was familiar with all the beats. This isn't even the first time “King Kong” has come up on this blog. “Big Daddy” is seemingly covering this oft-trot territory. It features a giant gorilla scaling a tall structure. Just when you expect the over-sized ape to grab a blonde and start swatting at bi-planes, the episode swerves in another direction. This meant that “Kong” parodies were so common at the time, that sometimes shows referenced the movie accidentally.

Anyway, that's not super relevant. In “Big Daddy,” Adam Sandler adopts an adorable moppet... I mean, Robotnik has captured a giant gorilla and outfitted it with a mind-control device. He plans to have the jumbo ape climb the highest peak on Mobius and rain hot laser death on all who oppose him. (Why he specifically needs a gorilla to do this, I don't know.) Earlier, Robotnik had kicked-out Coconuts following an incident where the robot wrecked his Egg-O-Matic. By chance,  Coconuts runs into Boom-Boom, the super strong gorilla child of Robotnik's latest capture. He attempts to convince Boom-Boom to fight Sonic with him. Instead, Sonic and Tails ends up helping the childish ape reunite with his father.

Usually, “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” looked like it was animated by the most underachieving of Korean sweatshops. This holds true for the majority of “Big Daddy.” However, surprisingly, the opening chase scene between Sonic and Coconuts is really well animated. There's a real sense of motion to this sequence. The movements are far more fluid and the characters more detailed than usual. A shot of Sonic spin-dashing through the air looks especially good. The Sonic News Network Wiki tells me more time and effort was expended on this episode, owing to the head animator being a deaf-mute. Which I guess explains that. 

The fluidity of that opening chase ends up being the high point of an otherwise dreadful episode. For a series with no shortage of annoying characters, Boom-Boom ends up being one of the more annoying ones. Garry Chalk provides another moronic voice to play the simpleton gorilla. His dialogue is composed entirely of extremely irritating baby-talk. He's not very smart, as he mistakes both Coconuts and a sketchy gorilla suit for his father. The show finds his trademark move – swinging people overhead and smashing them into the ground – so inherently hilarious, that it repeats it several times. “Adventures” being the show that it is, Boom-Boom also sprays Coconuts, outside and inside, with squashed banana guts. It's awful.

Sonic is really only in about half of this episode. For a brief moment, I was hopeful that “Big Daddy” was attempting to summon some Wile E. Coyote energy. In that it would focus on Coconuts' increasingly absurd attempts to defeat an enemy who, with the power of casual surrealism on his side, is unbeatable. Instead, it soon becomes clear that sadism is “Big Daddy's” only goal. We are meant to laugh at poor Coconuts as life continuously subjects him to more humiliations. By the time he was squirming around inside the ass of a gorilla suit with Scratch and Grounder, I was feeling a little disgusted that this cartoon show expected us to be amused by the poor robot monkey's continued suffering.

It's easy to feel sympathy for Coconuts. After all, he's got a bad boss. Viewing Robotnik's relationship with his mechanical underlings as a toxic work environment continues to add a more interesting layer to this poopy cartoon. Yes, Coconuts was wrong to wreck his boss' ride. At the same time, Robotnik's reaction – ejecting the monkey through a window – was perhaps a bit overzealous. And Robotnik isn't a bad boss just to Coconuts either. Once he has the giant gorilla fully under his control, Robotnik similarly tosses Scratch and Grounder. That's just like an employer too, to treat years of loyalty and hard work with nothing but dismissal the minute a cheaper, better option comes along. Truly, even robots are but victims of progress. 

Compared to the fantastical dreamscape that was “Boogey-Mania,” “Big Daddy” is a much more grounded episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.” Yet even a relatively straight-forward installment like this has a baffling moment. During a chase scene through the jungle, a stereotypical witch doctor – who sounds like an old Jewish comic – pulls a shrunken head out of a cauldron. The shrunken head then comments on the situation, via a lame pun. This gag has no relationship with anything else happening in the episode. It's simply there because, I guess, someone in the writer's room thought it was funny. Once again, “Adventures” commitment to just doing what-the-fuck-ever threw me for a loop.

By the way, this episode's Sonic Sez teaches children the valuable lesson that they should inform their parents where the hell they are going before they wander off. Ah yes, the nineties, when it was still considered appropriate for young children to get into shenanigans totally without adult supervision. It was a different time. As for “Big Daddy,” it is probably my least favorite episode of this god-forsaken series so far. Just painful stuff. [4/10]

THE 2020 SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COMIC BEST/WORST LIST!

2020 is a year, obviously, nobody is eager to revisit. We're about three weeks out from it at this point and I'm already exhausted by the postmortems. The light at the end of the title maybe, possibly, potentially could be approaching and that's where I want to be. 

The state of the world last year even made it hard to enjoy the “Sonic the Hedgehog” comics, which should be as far away from the real world as possible. Yet some very bad timing on Ian Flynn's behalf left us knee-deep in a story arc about a highly contagious virus ripping the globe apart just as an actual virus was ripping the actual globe part. So much for escapism! The comic would zag in a different direction in the last few months, to mixed results, but it was still a weird year. Even in Sonic-land!

So let's bury 2020 once and for all. Here's my list of the Best and Worst things from 2020's issues of IDW's “Sonic” books. (I cheated a little and included issue 36, technically published in January of this year.) Here's the list of comics covered in this retrospective:

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issues 25-36

Sonic the Hedgehog: Bad Guys: Issues 1-4

Sonic the Hedgehog Annual 2020

BEST COVER STORY:

Ian Flynn, "Smash and Grab" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Bad Guys: Issue 2)

Probably the most fun I had with a "Sonic" comic this year, "Smash and Grab" shows the simple pleasures of letting an ensemble play off each other. Starline and Zavok's dynamic, of trying to mislead each other but also maybe not, was compelling to watch. There was even something charming in how quickly Rough and Tumble became devoted to their new boss. Moreover, "Smash and Grab" was just an exciting action story, well-paced enough to keep the reader gripped and well executed to include a few surprises. 

WORST COVER STORY:

Ian Flynn, "A Sudden Shift" (Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 25)

IDW kicked off 2020 in the doldrums of the Metal Virus arc. "A Sudden Shift" was the bleakest moment in a story arc defined by bleak moments, as the Deadly Six arrived to make a shitty situation even shittier. By this point, I was completely exhausted by the darkness. Even when separated from how grim the series was at this point, "A Sudden Shift" isn't especially compelling. It's one of those middling middle chapters totally devoted to setting up the final third, putting all the pieces in order so the story can progress. 

BEST BACK STORY:

Caleb Goellmer, "Reflections" (Sonic the Hedgehog Annual 2020)

After previously winning a Worst Story award twice in a row, Caleb Goellmer bounced back in a big way with "Reflections." The clear highlight of the 2020 Annual, the story is almost entirely dialogue-free. Instead, it uses striking images to allow the viewer to consider Metal Sonic's silent inner monologue. Not only did this manage to make an intentionally personality-free villain rather intriguing, it also resulted in an almost unsettlingly moody story. 

WORST BACK STORY:

Samantha King, "Flock Together" (Sonic the Hedgehog Annual 2020)

I hate to beat up on a first-timer but "Flock Together" was undoubtedly the lamest part of last year's annual. It's contrived on a plot level, as Vector and Espio stumble upon their missing friend just after talking about him. The climax of the story happens entirely off-panel, obscured in a cloud of smoke. Moreover, King's dialogue is clunky and the characters come off as their most simplistic. 

BEST STORY ARC:

Evan Stanley, "Chao Races And Badnik Bases" (Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issues 33-36)

Evan Stanley's longform debut for IDW did not really hold together as a whole. Stanley is still struggling with issues that hampered her previous work at Archie. Namely, including too many characters and storylines as well as some contrived plotting. Having said that, the delightful moments in "Chao Races And Badnik Bases" rise to the surface. Namely, Amy, Rouge, and Cream's utterly adorable interactions in the early parts. Belle made for a likeable introduction, watching Rouge sneak around is always fun, and I enjoyed Sonic and Tails' spooky adventure. It definitely falters in the second half but this arc was still the most satisfying four-parter of the year. 

WORST STORY ARC:

Ian Flynn, "Recovery" (Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issues 31-32)

The worst thing about "Recovery" is that it wasn't actually about recovery at all. There's passing glances at the aftermath of the Metal Virus outbreak but Flynn just wants to move past it. This two-parter is more about the victory party than the hard work of putting the world back together. This arc was also stained by several moments of really brain-dead out-of-character writing. Amy becomes a coward, Eggman becomes a fool, and the Babylon Rogues backtrack on everything they learned in their prior appearances. Worst of all was how Flynn introduced the idea of Sonic landing in Blaze's reality with amnesia and then did absolutely nothing with it. The whole plot point is brushed away quickly and has seemingly no consequences on Sonic. Lame!

BEST MAIN COVER:

Sonic the Hedgehog: Bad Guys: Issue 1 - Aaron Hammerstrom

IDW's "Sonic" books didn't produce many bad covers this last year. At the same time, few really stood out. The new series has rarely produced a cover as distinctive as Spaz's old work for Archie. Having said that, the cover for part one of "Bad Guys" was pretty cool. There's not much to it, as it's just Starline brooding villainously in close-up. But the use of shading, colors, and inking makes for a striking image. The detail of the other members of Starline's team appearing on the gem in his glove is a nice touch and seals the deal for me.

WORST MAIN COVER:

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 36 - Dan Schoening

To be totally frank, I've never quite understood while Dan Schoening is such a beloved artist. I've always found his art a little too angular and stationary for my taste. Having said that, his cover for issue 36 wasn't bad. As is increasingly the case with IDW's book, the worst cover isn't offensive. It's just bland. Sonic and Tails are all happy while splashing around in the snow, against Badniks that do not appear in the book. It's one step removed from being Sega stock-art. 

BEST VARIANT COVER:

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 30: Cover B - Diana Skelly

It seems increasingly true that IDW saves its best covers for the variant. There were a lot of good variant covers this year, like almost all of Nathalie Fourdraine's retail incentive covers. (But especially her one for issue 34.) But my favorite was Diana Skelly's atmospheric Cover B for Issue 30. Though the image of Orbot recreating the Hamlet pose with Omega's head is obviously farcical, the shading and colors makes it a rather striking, or even tragic seeming, image. What a surprising pair of competing but complimenting qualities for a comic cover to invoke. 

WORST VARIANT COVER:

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 27: Cover B - Jon Gray

Please, Jon Gray, I'm begging you: Stop putting so many goddamn characters into your artwork. Gray "won" Worst Cover last year by sticking every single fucking character from the comic on the cover of Issue 24... Twice! He did something similar with Cover B for 2020's Issue 27. Gray doesn't cram quite as many faces onto this one, which depicts a portion of the comic's cast getting together for a game night. But he comes close. I'm not really a fan of Gray's loose, overly cartoony artwork most of the time. When he slams so many competing expressions, bodies, and colors together, the results just make my eyes bleed. It's overwhelming in the worst way. All the individual details are lost and the reader is left looking at a cover that more resembles a bowl of Fruity Pebbles than a coherent image. 

(Considering Gray once uploaded an utterly eye-searing tapestry to his DeviantArt, that features seemingly every character and story arc from the Archie comics, I don't think he can help himself. He has a sickness that manifests as vomiting as many characters and details into a single image, far more than the eye can comprehend at once. Seek help, man.)

BEST STORY ART:

"Reflections" - Aaron Hammerstrom (Sonic the Hedgehog Annual 2020)

It seems only fair that “Reflections” should take home both Best Back Story and Best Art. The artwork is really what does the heavy lifting on this one. Hammerstrom manages to gift so much feeling and personality to Metal Sonic's almost unmoving eyes and body. The use of shading and shadows is absolutely next level in this story. Months later, I am still thinking about that largely white panel of Metal in silhouette, which stands out even more considering how visually dark most of the story is. This one is really impressive and Hammerstrom's amazing pencils are a big reason why.

WORST STORY ART:

"Flock Together" - Jamal Peppers (Sonic the Hedgehog Annual 2020)

Once again, I feel bad to keep beating up on “Flock Together.” Jamal Peppers has certainly done some wonderful “Sonic” artwork in the past. But his work here feels strangely lifeless. The characters feel posed, not as if they are moving but like they are standing still. Peppers' faces are wide and cartoony but lacking emotion. While Peppers' smooth linework has worked in his favor in the past, here it just makes everything feel more mass-produced and lacking in emotion. 

BEST NEW CHARACTER:

Belle

Unlike its predecessor, which had a cast of thousands, the new “Sonic” comic book has been slow to introduce characters unique to its world. According the Sonic News Network wiki, there was only a handful of new appearances this year. Most of them were random Badniks and one of them was Big the Cat, who apparently had not appeared in the IDW comic before this year. 

Anyway, of the slim pickings for this category, it was pretty easy to spot the clear stand-out. We still don't know much about Belle, the marionette style robot that Sonic and Tails discovered in an old Eggman bases. Where the comic will go with her or what her mysterious origins will be are all up in the air right now. But she's really cute, in a way that seems more charming and genuine than corporate Sega creations like Cream. Evan Stanley's design comes with a lot of built-in personality. She's sort of funny, in her lonely girl awkwardness, and sort of sad, in her quest to find a creator that probably doesn't love her. I look forward to what Belle may be become, whatever that may be.

WORST NEW CHARACTER:

Asshole Chao

The only other major introduction of 2020 was Clutch, a perfectly functional villain I currently have no strong feelings about one way or another. However, an associates of Clutch's did leave me with strong feelings.

Clearly, Evan Stanley has a fondness for Chao, since she went out of her way to include them in her big story arc this. I, to date, do not. Which is perhaps why I think the Shadow-inspired Chao Cheese races against in the “Chao Races and Badnik Bases” arc was such an irredeemable little punk. He's got that smug little smile and seems to really enjoy kicking Cheese when he was down... Stanley later tries to redeem the character I have dubbed Asshole Chao by revealing Cluth abused him. But my mind was made up by that point. Asshole Chao is an asshole. We'll probably never see Asshole Chao again and I am happy about that. 

BEST IDEA:

A Sonic Book That Barely Has Sonic in It

I have made the comment in the past that, sometimes, “Sonic the Hedgehog” media is at its best when it barely features Sonic the Hedgehog at all. When I think back to the IDW Sonic stories of 2020 that really made an impression on me... The titular hedgehog has a small role in them. The best moments of the year were Amy, Rouge, and Cream's bonding while on their secret mission; Metal Sonic's wordless inner monologue in “Reflections;” and Starline and Zavok's traitorous dynamic in “Bad Guys.” Sonic isn't in any of those scenes! I think Flynn and Stanley maybe even realizes this, as he wrote the hedgehog out of the main plot for two issues. As has been true in the past, this comic is a little more compelling when the hedgehog hero/corporate mascot steps aside.

WORST IDEA:

The Lack of an Aftermath

Ian Flynn spent most of 2019 and part of 2020 on the Metal Virus Saga. It was a massive story that had lingering effects on every corner of the comic book's world. Literally, every single character living on Sonic's fictional planet had their lives touched by it... And afterwards? The Metal Virus Outbreak has had no lingering effects on the comic book. There's barely been any mention of it since it ended. I don't know if Flynn himself got exhausted by the grim storyline and wanted to move on as quickly as possible. I don't know if he read the room and realized now was a shitty time to focus a children's book on a pandemic. Yet he seems determine to bury this event in the past.

Which begs the question: Why devote a year's worth of comic books to it then? The real world right now, as I type this, is making it clear that an event of that magnitude will have long-lasting ramifications for years to come. I was far past bored with the Metal Virus Saga before it ended but... Come on, Flynn. If you're going to do this shit, you have to fucking commit. The series acting like it can just casually get back to business-as-usual after delivering the closest thing to an honest-to-God apocalypse its characters have ever seen is nothing short of bullshit.

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 36

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 36

Publication Date: January 13, 2021

In the past, after catching with IDW's ongoing "Sonic" comics, I've always tried to post reviews of the new issues as they come out. Usually, I post these reviews as bonus content on the weekends, so as not to disturb the perfect flow of my regular Monday-Wednesday-Friday updates. That never really worked for me though, as I usually just forgot to post on Sunday or whatever. I guess I've really gotten used to the rhythm of the three-updates-a-week schedule. So, from now on, new IDW reviews will pop up on one of the regular days, whenever I get around to writing them. Got it? Okay, good, let's continue.

Anyway, here we are at the last issue of "Chao Races And Badnik Chases." (Which is apparently actually entitled "Chao Races and Badnik Bases" and I've just been writing it wrong the whole time.) As an avalanche races towards the chateau, Sonic and Shadow are forced to choose between saving their friends – still Starline's prisoners on the roller coaster – and saving the innocent bystanders. Sonic makes the hard choice of stopping the avalanche. Luckily, Rouge and Tails save themselves and disengage from Starline. Meanwhile, Belle and Cream successfully free the Chao held in Clutch's suite, giving the gang the extra strength needed to defeat the unleashed Badniks. The group confront Starline one more time as they escape the building. 

Evan Stanley pulls off something surprising with this issue: She made me laugh several times. Yes, this issue is just full of chuckles. When Rouge frees herself, she gives a shout to Omega's disembodied head to activate his "auditory interference." Which means he starts screaming at Starline until he drops him, which is pretty funny. At the end, when Cream is explaining her adventure to a none-too-pleased Vanilla, Rouge vacates the area in an amusing manner. Mostly, this issue is a treasure trove of delightful reaction shots. Whether it be Sonic's shocked look when the barricade of trees he made does not stop the avalanche, Belle's eyes rolling back as the Chao burst free from their cage, or Starline deadpanning as the avalanche barrels down on him, this issue made me chuckle far more than expected. 

The levity comes at a cost though. This is a story with a time limit. Our heroes have to stop the bad guy, get the robot parts they need, and escape the building before the avalanche flattens all of it. Despite that being a good way to generate suspense, the events in Clutch's room certainly seem to take up a lot of time. Avalanches don't take that long to get down a mountainside, Evan! But it ends up not mattering. All the hotel guests were safely evacuated off-panel before the snow plows through the building, which is why there's no suspenseful panels of our heroes helping everyone get out in time. Sonic and Shadow harmlessly jump out of the newly-created snow bank at the end, totally fine. A giant wall of snow colliding with him at ramming speed doesn't seem to slow Starline down much either. Why introduce a natural disaster like that if it's not going to affect the plot more?

Looking back at "Chao Races and Badnik Chases Bases" as a whole, a concern I had early on turned out to be well-founded. Stanley just put a little too much plot, a few too many characters, into this arc. Ask yourself: What was the emotional core of this story anyway? Is it Belle being accepted among the good guys? That kind of happens on the sidelines of the main plot. Was it the effort to restore Omega? It seems like that, ostensibly the motivating force of the entire story, was often forgotten in all the competing plot lines. Stanley seems to bet on Clutch's abused Chao being freed to be what plucks at our heartstrings this time. If that's the case, Stanley should've focused more on depicting the Chao as abused victims and less as the assholes that Cheese was competing against earlier. 

Stanley should've made Belle's subplot a backstory running concurrently with the main story, to give her introduction a little more room to breathe, and resisted the temptation to indulge her Chao fetish altogether. Instead, she should've focused more on the bits of character development that grabbed me the most. I've seen people complaining about Shadow's characterization in the IDW comic. Yes, he has been an overly gruff asshole. But one must remember that this Shadow hasn't had the character development Archie's version did. We start to see his prickly exterior defrost a bit here. He's focused solely on getting revenge on Starline before Rouge points out that people might die in the avalanche, asking if he could live with that. He makes the right, moral decision and tries to stop the snowfall. (Not that it ends up mattering but never mind.) Closer to the end, while having a terse and mildly homoerotic conversation with Sonic, Shadow secretly passes an apple to the little asshole Chao that shares his likeness. That's a cute little touch, that shows Shadow isn't a relentlessly dour douchebag one hundred percent of the time, even if he's not willing to admit it. Hopefully, by this time next year, IDW Shadow will be more comfortable letting the wannabe tough guy/bad boy façade slide. 

The other bit of character development that intrigues me is Cream and Gemerl's increasingly codependent relationship. Gemerl is getting his shit wrecked a lot here of late, to the point where it's getting hard to take him seriously as a protector at all. In this issue, some simple Badniks are enough to leave him wobbly and sparking. That's when Cream has a brief heart-to-heart with the robot, informing him that it's not just his job to protect her. She can protect him too. They've got each other's back. Which is a nice moment and seems to build on the events both characters lived through during the Metal Virus saga.

Considering the announcements for the upcoming issues, it looks like Evan Stanley will remain in the head writer's chair for at least one more story arc. Which might be why she devotes some time to setting up future plot points at the tail end of this issue. Starline's motivation is revealed: He wanted to capture Tails. The final scene reveals he just grabbed a handful of his fur, which the doctor implies will be enough for whatever he's planning. Is IDW's "Sonic" headed for a clone saga or does Tails have some special property the doctor wants to exploit? Meanwhile, the exact nature of Belle's creator is being kept mysterious... Even though I thought Mr. Tinker was already confirmed to be her builder. Is Stanley planning a twist there or is she just bad as disguising her intentions? I guess we'll find out in the upcoming months. 

If it seems like I was harsh on this story arc, I'm sorry about that. I did enjoy "Chao Races and Badnik Bases" overall. Stanley pretty clearly set out to write a fun, light-hearted arc to act as a breather following a year full of turmoil and a horrible virus. (Both in and out of the comic.) I just wish she balanced her various ingredients a little better. This arc had a lot of delightful moments but lacked cohesion. If she's going to stick around as head writer, hopefully she'll get a little better at that. But I guess I'm in a good mood, as I'm still giving this issue a soft recommendation. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.27. Boogey-Mania

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.27. Boogey-Mania

Original Air Date: September 22nd, 1993

Let’s just dive right into this one. “Boogey-Mania” begins with Sonic and Tails camping in the woods. They are then joined by a phantasmatic clown, who Tails seems delighted by... Until he steals his chili dog. The duo follows the rogue trickster to a cave, where they discover Professor Von Schlemmer. The clown is the result of Von Schlemmer’s latest invention: a machine that can turn dreams into physical reality. Eager to earn the respect of the boss that hates him, Coconuts — who was spying on Sonic and Tails — reports back to Robotnik. Robotnik has Scratch and Grounder successfully steal the machine and capture Von Schlemmer. The villain then uses the machine to create a boogeyman from his own nightmares. Robotnik uses this elaborate bugbear under his control to terrorize the countryside. Sonic and Tails then uses another device of Von Schlemmer’s to enter a fantastical dream realm, in hopes of finding an answer. That answer turns out to be having Tails eat a bunch of junk food and then conjure his own, far more frightening boogeyman to defeat Robotnik’s creature. Got all that? Jesus Christ, this is a 22-minute cartoon.

I think I’ve been going about this retrospective all wrong. I’ve been approaching “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” as if it was a normal cartoon with traditional critical metrics to examine. I’ve been watching this show and asking questions like “Is the narrative compelling?” “Did it make me laugh?” “Are the characters interesting or nuanced?” “Does the plot make sense?” This has made the show incredibly difficult to review, which might explain why I’ve had to take, like, three breaks. 

Instead, I need to look at “AoStH” the same way I look at the films of Al Adamson or YouTube Finger Family videos. This show is an extended act of Dadaism, designed to willingly baffle and irritate. Certain patterns repeat every episode but the stories, fundamentally, do not matter or follow any sort of logical rules. The show isn’t really funny, the laughs that cohere being flukes of the algorithms that birthed this thing. The bright colors and annoying voices that do emerge are meant only as stimulation for young children or the very high. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” is a work of aggressive, obnoxious surrealism that is a result of a world gone mad, at the chaos and over-stimulation of modern, urban life at the end of the 20th century. 

I don’t think the writers and animators of this cartoon set out to create a work of post-modern surrealism. They were just a bunch of old guys who looked at some wacky Japanese video game and had no idea what to make of it. They were working under tight deadlines and with meager budgets to produce a commercial product. They had no higher artistic aspirations. They assumed the show was a piece of utterly disposable pop culture debris that no one would be seriously looking at twenty years later. They were mostly right but that combination of laziness, cheapness, and desperation accidentally produced a brain-melting drug trip. 

In other words, “Boogey-Mania” is the episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” that finally broke me. The previous metric I’ve been using to discuss this program is flawed. I must change or I’ll never get this fucking project done. 

With that established, what do I have to say about “Boogey-Mania?” Von Schlemmer is terrible. Because of the fucked-up differences between the production order and air order, this is the first time the character has appeared but not his introductory episode. So Sonic and Tails act like they’ve met this eccentric inventor before. If you remember the revulsion I felt towards his comic counterpart, you’ll be happy to know it only increases in response to the animated original. Visually, he has one of the most grotesque and unappealing designs out of an entire show full of grotesque and unappealing characters. His ability to invent logic-breaking devices is a result of the show’s laissez-faire surrealism, so that’s a big whatever. His other gimmick — forgetting what he’s talking about mid-conversation and saying some lulz rand0m bullshit — is just terrible. I hate him so much. Flynn really chose to out this guy in the comic book over Griff or Ari?

This episode is also our more-or-less introduction to Coconuts. He’s appeared in small roles a few times but this is the first time the robot monkey has really had a personality or an effect on the plot. While Von Schlemmer is simply terrible, there’s something endearingly pathetic about Coconuts. He’s desperate to get Robotnik’s approval, to earn a promotion or be told he’s doing a good job. Even though Coconuts is actually smarter and more resourceful than the always-doomed-to-fail Scratch and Grounder, Robotnik has nothing but contempt for Coconuts. 

Is this not a metaphor for the modern American worker, caught in an intrinsically unfair and unbeatable system? Tricked into striving for a totally unattainable dream by a social caste that despises him, that only shovels shit on top of him for reasons completely beyond his control? It’s not but let’s just pretend it is. Robotnik even has Coconuts doing demeaning, hard labor like cleaning out the sewage system. Truly, this robot just needs the right comrade to come along and radicalize him. 

Examining “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” as a work of nightmarish imagery is especially easy in light of this episode. A show that is, on the default level, a day-glo spew of insanity explicitly addressing the anti-logic of dreams is a license to go completely batshit. The sequence set within DreamsVille are absolutely mad. After Coconut arrives, he lands atop what looks like the combination of an enormous skateboard and a piece of belly button lint. An angry sasquatch appears. A multi-armed switchboard operator is among this sequence's more logical touches. Of course, there's a shout-out to Salvador Dali, who is increasingly looking like the biggest influence on this whole show. What makes the baffling quality of this dream trip even more perplexing is that it has no effect on the story at all. Our heroes could've come up with a solution to their problems without stepping a toe into the cuckoo wacky dream land.

If I remember nothing else about "Boogey-Mania," I'll remember the fucking Dream Clown. This episode aired three years after the television mini-series adaptation of Stephen King's “IT” was first broadcast. While I doubt Pennywise the Dancing Clown and a child-devouring eldritch abomination living under New England was on the writer's mind at all, I can't help but think of it. The opening scene has a clown appearing in a place a clown should not be. The child, Tails in this case, is still delighted by his wacky antics, too young to pick up on the inherent wrongness of this scenario. Luckily, the clown just steals his hot dog, instead of eating him, but the scene is still mildly unnerving. Even Sonic seems pretty put-off by the random trickster.

This episode is notable for another reason: It is the half-hour that gifted the world with PINGAS. Yes, this is where that two second sound bite of Robotnik saying “Snooping as usual,” which kind of sounds like he's saying “penis” if you speed it up a bit, originates from. Ah, where would the world be without internet humor? Honestly, it's odd that this moment is the one the internet seized on, considering “Boogey-Mania” is full of baffling, bizarre scenes. The episode is pretty painful and unfunny but I'm too terrified and perplexed not to be a little impressed. [6/10]