Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 81

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 81
Publication Date: January 2000

If you’re wondering why the cover to issue 81 of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” series is so damn awkward looking, I have an answer. Issue 80’s similarly awkward cover was originally intended for issue 33 of “Knuckles the Echidna.” Considering Manny Galan also drew 81’s cover and it prominently features Knuckles, I suspect the same is true of this issue. I’m a big defender Galan’s artwork but, when you’re used to Spaz’ stylish pencils, it’s a big step down. Anyway, what about the stories contained within?

Last time, Sonic and friends discovered that the Lost City of the Ancients was not a cobweb strewn collection of ruins. Instead, it was a modern city, bustling with life and technology. At first, the human residents attempt to arrest the Freedom Fighters, assuming them to be weirdo animals or something. However, Nate Morgan knows the police chief and keeps them out of trouble. Soon, the gang discovers the city’s true name: Station Square. Mayor Bullyani – a pop culture reference that’s going to age great, Archie – takes them on the tour of the city.

I know this is all I’ve been bitching about for several days now but it still needs to be said. Karl Bollers and Archie’s plan to integrate “Sonic Adventure’s” story into the comic universe was sloppy, at best. In “Sonic Adventure,” Sega made a decision that I still complain about to this day. It transformed Sonic into an urban creature, having his adventures in a big city populated with regular people. Since nothing like this existed on Archie’s Mobius, Bollers cooked up a half-baked solution. Now, Station Square is an extant colony of humans. The city is built inside a mountain, with an artificial sky and weather. It’s the textbook definition of an ass pull, the writer basically forcing something that has no business being in this universe into the story.

When Sally asks the Mayor how come the Stationers have never attempt to contact the outside world, he gets pissed and tells her that they felt no need to. They’re perfectly happy living inside their simulated city within a mountain, like something out of “The Matrix.” If the Mayor’s anger seems like it’s setting up a plot point – perhaps the Stationers are hiding some horrible secret? – it’s never followed up on. (Also never brought up again: How Nate Morgan knows the chief of police.) These guys are just content to live their lives, frozen at the end of the 20th century, in total isolation. No, I have no idea where they get materials to build their sky scrapers and make their food and goods.

The Freedom Fighters have come to the city to warn the residents about Robotnik’s encroaching invasion. You’d think this would add some tension or suspense to the story. Instead, the Mayor says they haven’t noticed anything unusual. The Freedom Fighters spend the rest of the story goofing off. Tails flies the Tornado through the fake sky, impressing the locals. Sonic eats chili dogs, plays his guitar by the hotel pool and seemingly prepares for an off-panel orgy with a whole bunch of hot anime girls. The rest of the gang are given a tour of the city via monorail. Obviously, Bollers is trying to introduce Station Square to the reader. In practice, it just makes the story seem like a waste of time that barely advances the plot. Because Archie was still sticking three stories into one comic book, it also ends prematurely, right when something interesting appears to be happening.

How about this month’s Knuckles story? As he had done many times before to little success, Ken Penders splits the limited page count among several different subplots. Robotnik tries to feed his little Chaos some Chaos Emerald shards, only to discover that what he’s mostly got are some green rocks. Knuckles flies around some ancient ruins, collecting shards himself. Meanwhile, the captured Chaotix continue to be hassled around by a bunch of asshole cat people. (As opposed to the cool Natasha Kinski/David Bowie cat people.)

“All You Need is a Bit of Chaos” is basically just a series of plot updates. About the only motivating things that actually happen in the story is Robotnik deploying E-102 Gamma and his brothers to retrieve Froggy. Knuckles flies around, sticks emerald shards inside his gloves, and spends four pages having a verbose conversations with himself. Once again, Ken reduces the Chaotix to captives. They’re tied up on a boat, poked by the cats, and bitch among themselves. This isn’t a horribly interesting story, the plot lifelessly marching through its expected narrative beats. Like the cover story, it also ends just when the plot looks like it might actually be going somewhere.

The second back-up story is also pretty weak but still manages to be my favorite story in this issue. Maybe that’s because the splash page said it was about Big the Cat when, in actuality, it’s about Amy Rose. The rather suggestively entitled “A Rose Plucked” is not about Amy loosing her virginity. Instead, it’s a standard adaptation of her “Sonic Adventure” storyline. A green bird with some sort of magical amulet around its neck is pursued by an asshole robot. Amy swears to protect it, using her newly granted access to hammer space to fight the robots. Instead, she’s captured, forcing the bird to rescue her instead.

It’s a fairly useless story. Amy’s split second decision to protect some random bird is hasty, to say the least. Her sudden super power, of producing a big ass mallet out of nowhere, is not explained. Chris Allan’s artwork continues to be horribly off-model, as he draws Amy with triple the cup size she usually has. But at least something actually happens in this story, even if the reader has little reason to care. Amy is introduced reveling in the joys of capitalism, by buying a whole bunch of shit. Yes, this further establishes her as a girly girl stereotype. It’s also kind of funny, considering she’s been living in a war torn village of grass huts most of her life. The action beat is less compelling, as it occupies all of one panel. Amy being captured at the end doesn’t make her look very effective but it’s also in keeping with the character, up to this point.

James Fry draws the cover story and it’s solid work from him, even if his Station Square residents are far too anime-esque. Steven Butler handles the Knuckles story and seems to be having a slightly off-day, as there’s little of the dynamic action that characterizes his best work. Mostly, 81 is a sub-par issue. “Sonic” is not being served well by the “Adventure” adaptation or Archie’s decision to stuff three stories into one issue. Here's some Sonic/Dragon Ball crossover artwork from the fana rt section. [4/10]