Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 92

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 92
Publication Date: January 2001

Who is that I spy on the cover of this issue? Why, it’s that character that is beloved by all Archie “Sonic” fans, me most of all! Nah, I’m just joshing with you. Monkey Khan fucking sucks and, for some reason, he’s back again. Remember what I said about the Dork Age? Yeah, well, Monkey Khan getting another cover is a further sign of its dark dawning.

Picking up from last issue’s cliffhanger, Sonic sees that the meteor crashing outside Robotropolis were actually shuttles. A family of Overlanders exit the ship, quickly revealing themselves to be the family of Julian Kintobor. Sonic’s attempt to make peace with these newcomers is interrupted by two outside forces: A rogue Com-Bot, eager to attack. And Monkey Khan, who has flown into town to wreck Robotnik’s shit, as revenge for the tyrant burning down his village. Meanwhile, in Knothole, Geoffrey St. John talks Mina into revealing that Sonic stole the King’s sword and Sally brings her mom up to speed.

Issue 92’s cover story – entitled “The Wrath of Khan” because Archie can’t even be bothered to hide the Star Trek references anymore – pays off on a plot point Karl Bollers set up quite a while ago. Those space ships traveling towards Mobius finally touch down. In a plot point that Karl probably would’ve resolved sooner if he hadn’t been mandated to adapt “Sonic Adventure,” the ship is full of Robotnik’s relatives. Considering Elias’ arrival means the comic already has a surplus of long lost relatives, they aren’t a welcomed addition. In the brief series of panels devoted to them, they appear to be thinly developed stereotypes. There’s the doting grandmother, the innocent little girl, the generic leader type, and the smart guy.

Instead of actually gifting the new characters personalities, these panels are devoted to Sonic or Robotnik trying to manipulate the new arrivals to their sides. Robotnik’s trickery, wherein the obvious violent Com-Bot is referred to as a Protector Bot, is staggeringly obvious. Which further points towards the villain decay Eggman has been undergoing recently. He’s supposed to be even more ruthless then the prior Robotnik yet he mostly acts like a goofball. He laughs like a ham and rolls on the floor when he doesn’t get his way. For example, when he notices the Sword of Acorn is missing, he becomes enraged, even though he previously threw the relic on the floor. Eggman also gets the worst dialogue in this issue. Overstuffed word bubbles clarify how the Overlanders are related to the previous Robotnik and dry technical details of that nature.

Most of the issue is devoted to the Kintobors dropping into town, which might make you wonder why Monkey Khan got the cover position. The much maligned monkey’s role in the story is totally unnecessary. He shows up and attempts to kill the travelers, declaring that anyone related to Robotnik deserves to die. Sonic, emerging as an unlikely voice of reason, attempts to reason with him. Naturally, the two immediately begin to fight. Just as Sonic and Knuckles use to fight every time they met, apparently Sonic and Monkey Khan have to scuffle during each appearance. A winner is not declared and Khan exits the issue, having contributed nothing to the plot. I don’t know why they bothered.

“The Wrath of Khan” primarily exists to set up future story arcs that Bollers will exploit in stumbling, tedious ways. The Kintobors are one such example. The theft of the Sword of Acorn is another. After Mina is brought back to Knothole, Geoffrey St. John quickly suspects that she knows Sonic took the sword. When the skunk discovers this, he’s eager to persecute the hedgehog, as always. This sequence does include one kind of cute moment. When St. John’s strong arm approach is unsuccessful, Hershey takes a more gentle approach, coaxing a confession out of Mina by assuring Sonic won’t be harmed. It’s probably the biggest bit of character development Hershey has had over her entire existence.

Bollers stumbles in other ways too. Previously, he showed a real strength for introducing touching moments within big action stories. He had an opportunity to do that here. Sally and Queen Alicia get some time alone, the daughter really talking to her mother for the first time. Instead of focusing on developing their relationship, Sally spends several panels catching mom up to speed. She basically rehashes the original premise of the comic, about the Freedom Fighters battling Robotnik’s empire. Considering we still know so little about Queen Alicia, it’s a seriously missed opportunity.

The final insult is the fucking hideous artwork. Ron Lim draws half the story. His Mobians continued to be noodle-limbed with massive heads. His facial expressions are flat and his action is lifeless. He continues to draw Robotnik as either a floating head or an orb-like body. The Kintobors looks even worst, appearing to be generic space men. The old woman is especially embarrassing, as Lim draws a wrinkled head on a typically stacked comic book body. The second half is drawn by Michael Higgans and it’s somehow even worse. Higgans’ draw limbs as bending hoses. He frequently reduces characters to 2D geometric figures. Hershey becomes an angular shape in one panel. In another, Tails’ head and shoulders melt into each other.

The back-up story is the “Sonic Shuffle” adaptation trumpeted on the cover. Sonic has one of those train nightmares. The dream soon has him running into a jewel resembling a Chaos Emerald. Tails, Knuckles, and Amy wander into the dream next. A mystical entity called Lumina appears and explains that she rules a magical realm of dreams. And that some asshole named Void has appeared and started corrupting the world. Also, that big jewel has some significance. Anyway, it ends on a cliffhanger, Knuckles, Tails, and Amy stuck in the dreamworld, Sonic eager to rescue them. Go buy the video game if you want to know the rest, ya' fucking schmuck.

“Premonition” is lame as fuck, of course. The story is inane. The new characters exist solely to explain the plot. The dreamworld setting is rift with visual clichés, such as the running train and demonic bunny rabbits. Ron Lim’s artwork is typically hideous and Penders’ script is pointless. But look at it this way. Instead of devoting several issues or an on-going arc to adapting a deeply mediocre attempt to compete with the “Mario Party” games, Archie shoved an extended advertisement into the back pages. There, it wouldn’t disrupt the main plot and we could easily forget about it. God, I sort of wish they did it that way every time.

Hope is running out. Will the comic continued to be defined by aimless plot twists, shaky melodrama, and pointless new characters? Sadly, I already know the answer to this question. Get ready for more of this lame bullshit because it’s not going away any time soon. [4/10]