Sonic X: Issue 35

Sonic X: Issue 35
Publication Date: July 2008

Think way back, Archie “Sonic” faithfuls. Take a look at some of the book's early covers. I'm talking about, specifically, issue 19. If you have a memory for this kind of bullshit, you may recall that issue 19 of Archie's “Sonic the Hedgehog” series featured multiple Sonics on the cover, each one in wildly different costumes. Fourteen years later, the “Sonic X” spin-off series would pay homage to that cover. This issue features Eggman in a number of crazy, different costumes and personas. I mean, I assume this is a deliberate throwback. Maybe it's just a wacky coincidence.

“Cracking the Eggman!” begins with a mysterious crime wave gripping Station Square. Multiple strange, mustached men have robbed banks all over the city. The Chaotix are brought into investigated but Sonic is fairly certain Eggman is behind this. He tracks down the villain and discovers him in different costumes, sporting bizarre personality shifts. He eventually discovers that Eggman is on a weird sugar rush and conspires to run the bad guy's batteries down.

By 2008, the bag of ideas that the “Sonic X” writers got their comic premises out of was empty. This forced them to dig up increasingly desperate story concepts, somehow dragging this book's sad, pathetic existence out for a few more issues. Issue 35 of “Sonic X” can be boiled down to “Eggman Plays Dress-Up!” The “Sonic X” version of Robotnik has always been a clownish opponent. By this point, any threat level he might have had was completely depleted. This Eggman is a loser, a moron, and a lame excuse for an adversary. So why not watch him dance through a series of goofy costumes? Why the fuck not? Nothing fucking matters anyway.

In that spirit of “Fuck it! Who cares?,” I'll admit to getting some entertainment value out of the different personalities Eggman cycles through. He first appears as a viking, dragging a long ship through the streets of the city and speaking in a ridiculous Norwegian accent. He later shows up as a pirate, a ninja, and a knight, bringing a new, bizarre vocal inflection along with each new outfit. In an honestly rather impressive two page spread, Sonic tricks the villain into leaping through a dozen different outfits. A few these – such as a vampire or an Elvis Presley impersonator – are mildly cute visual gags. Even better, there's a bizarre gag where Eggman wears a fur suit and Chris Thorndyke's clothes. Chew on that, weirdos.

Another fleetingly amusing aspect of “Cracking the Eggman!” is how Sonic's opinion towards his enemy has evolved. This version of Sonic has always treated his opponent as more of a nuisance than anything else. He's never outright hated the guy, even if he's attempted to murder him countless times. By this point in the series, he's even developing a clear pity for him. Sonic helps Eggman get back to normal because he feels bad for him. Maybe he would just like his regular archenemy back, instead of this bananas bullshit. Yet a hero who actively pities his primary opponent is an interesting idea.

I probably would've given issue 35 a six outta ten and left it at that. If it wasn't for that ending. The reveal that Eggman went crazy because he had sweets for breakfast is fucking stupid. I've had my share of sugar highs and never went on a costume-fueled rampage. What makes this plot reveal even dumber is how the book handles it. In the final pages, Sonic chastises Eggman for eating too much junk food. The book ends with a moral, explaining to the audience that sugary foods should be consumed in moderation and should never be eaten for breakfast. I get this book was pitched at a really young crowd but do not appreciate them talking down to me in this manner. Seriously, kids, don't take nutritional advice from a “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic book.

For some reason, the Chaotix are in this comic. Why? I don't know. They are interviewed by that reoccurring newswoman character whose name I've never bothered to learn. They show up at the end, making a stupid assumption about this situation. I guess this was for comic relief or something but it's not funny. Maybe Ian Flynn, who wrote this one, just wanted an excuse to shoehorn in some characters he's fond of or something? I don't know. “Sonic X” has raised a lot of baffling questions recently.

The artwork is pretty good. James Fry is clearly having fun doodling Eggman in these ridiculous get-ups. Fry probably didn't get many other chances to draw a viking ship. Fry seems to be the only Archie regular artist whose style wasn't compromised by the mandates of the “Sonic X” book. So it's not complete shit, even if the book is so clearly, obviously begging for the executives to put a bullet in its head. Hold on, baby, we've got five more of these things to wade through. [5/10]