TailsTube #8: Finding Fortune with Amy

TailsTube #8: Finding Fortune with Amy

Original Release Date: August 15th, 2024

Since the days of antiquity, and likely before the advent of written history, mankind has attempted to find some deeper meaning in the random happenstance of the universe, in hopes of determining the future or communicating with a greater power. The ancient Babylonians cut the livers out of animals and considered its condition an omen from the gods. Greek oracles conveyed meaning from visions they believed came from the divine. The Norse cast runes, the Mayans scried on smoky mirrors, Native American tribes read meaning in animal bones, and the Chinese consulted their tea leaves. Interpretations of the random positions of the stars and planets and the unconscious brain-farts known as dreams led mankind to stumble backwards into actual sciences over the millennia. This esoteric art form is collectively known as divination and has been practiced by kings, mystics, quacks and con artists since time began. 

In the modern age, divination mostly survives through the commercial practice of fortune telling. In exchange for your hard-earned coin, a very serious and totally legitimate wizard will share with you prophecies of your future. This represents the inevitable meeting place between mankind's quest for meaning in a chaotic universe and the need to make a buck or two so as to keep the lights on. Via your date of birth, the lines on your hand, visions in a crystal ball, or the writings of the I-Ching, the so-called experts will supposedly divine your fate. When done to fleece grieving old ladies out of their life savings, this is evil. When done for fun and as the continuance of a semi-philosophical art form that stretches back centuries, it's an interesting anthropological phenomena that should be taken no more seriously than a Magic 8-Ball. An octopus doesn't know who will win the World Cup – an octopus understands soccer as well as I do, maybe slightly better – but it sure is interesting that human beings think it can, ya know? 

I swear this is related to the topic of Sonic the Hedgehog. Let me ramble a bit more. Sometime in the 1400s, a drunk Italian scribbled allegorical drawings on the back of some playing cards. They were used for nothing but gambling for three hundred years until 1781. That's when a drunk Frenchman saw some girls playing cards. He decided the illustrations on the back had major symbolic importance rooted in ancient Egyptian theology that he just made up. He called it "Tarot," a nonsense word he claimed was ancient Egyptian for "The Royal Road to Life." Further Europeans of debatable sobriety ran with the idea after that, formulating Tarot into an occultic method of cartomancy that roped every form of mystical gobbledygook that was circulating at the time into its meanings and techniques. Kabbalah, Theosophy, Aleister Crowley, Romani magik, the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn: You name it, somebody has linked it to Tarot. 

The Neo-Pagan revival of the late sixties repopularized the game in the west. Later writers increasingly connected the cards to Jungian and Campbellian archetypes, turning Tarot not just into a form of fortune telling but also a supposed tool for personal introspection and growth. Actual historians and skeptical inquirers have referred to the occultic embracing of Tarot as "the most successful propaganda campaign ever launched" and "an oscillation between the two poles of vulgar fortune telling and high magic; though the fence between them may have collapsed in places." The damage had been done, however, and today Tarot based cartomancy has spread all over the world as a quasi-magical belief and frequently fraudulent business. That's why late night TV in the 2000s was suddenly inundated with commercials starring an actress with a questionable Jamaican accent. 

If you are reading this blog, you're probably only familiar with Tarot as the reason the "House of the Dead" bosses are called that or as the title of a hilariously porny superhero comic. However, this rambling dissertation of mine all links back to Amy Rose, Sonic's wannabe girlfriend and the de-facto female lead of this entire franchise. Did you know that Amy Rose is a big fan of the magic powers of the Cards, a sign from her deck being what drove her to seek out Sonic in the first place? There was no way for us stupid Americans to know this back in 1993, as it was a tidbit left exclusive to the Japanese manual. (It would be funny if that was a purposeful choice to avoid the ire of the nineties Satanic Panic but it's more likely that localizers simply didn't gave a shit.) This was a usually overlooked aspect of her personality for many years, at least in Western media. 

As part of Ian Flynn's organized effort to align the "classic" continuity with the more recent games, Amy Rose casually practicing witchcraft has come up more often lately. Sonic Team has got so far with this idea lately that they released a physical edition of Amy's actual "fortune cards" that you could buy and presumably predict the future with, I guess. In order to promote the release of "Amy Rose's Fortune Card Deck" in August of 2024, an episode of "TailsTube" was assembled focused on Amy's interest in cartomancy.

Tails must have realized that “Between Two Hedgehogs” was a segment with a pretty short shelf life, because episode eight of TailsTube has the fox introducing another segment entirely. Abandoning the scientific method, Tails decides to platform superstition and pseudoscience by turning the show over entirely to Amy and her “fortune cards.” While Amy specifies that the cards do not give “spoilers” for the future, her prediction prove utterly accurate. She claims a negative interruption is forthcoming seconds before Eggman blasts through the roof and tries to take over the live stream. Despite Eggman dismissing such beliefs as a mishmash of idiocy, confirmation bias wins him over quickly after accurately foreseeing that the scientist has recently made a new family member, in the form of computer daughter Sage. Eggman is so convinced of the cards magic powers that he immediately decides he has better things to do than ruin Tails' livestream. Yay for witchcraft.

I've referred to “TailsTube” as basically a commercial before, a new episode churned out whenever has a new game or whatever to promote. Maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration sometimes but the label seems to fit episode eight extremely well. This is a four minute presentation created entirely with the purpose of making the viewer aware of the new product available at wherever books are sold. The script draws attention repeatedly to the exact name of this product. Rather than use a generic term like Tarot cards, Amy very specifically calls her deck by the copyrightable term “Fortune Cards.” Throughout the episode, she reveals that she's also written a handy-dandy guide book that can teach you, the viewer, how to divine the future through the random falling of these pieces of paper. Jeez, I bet that reads a lot like the guide book packaged with the actual deck of cards you buy! Though clearly pretty tongue-in-cheek, the script also not so subtly implies that cartomancy totally works too. Buy Amy's Fortune Card and you too can predict the future, dear children!

I'm not offended it or anything. A four minute little clip like this doesn't really required a response as strong as offense. However, if TailsTube is a series ostensibly designed to give new and old fans lore dumps, we don't learn much from this one. I guess Amy revealing that she's been a practicing mystic for years, that her interest in magic cards pushed her to meet Sonic, is the kind of stupid trivia that only the most devoted hedgehog heads would have been aware of before watching this. Yet it increasingly feels like “TailsTube,” as a series, exists merely to make fans tremble by mentioning a thing they know. Eggman says Sage's name and obliquely refers to her as his daughter here, which I guess is suppose to produce a reaction of some sort in us. It certainly didn't make me feel anything more than the extremely annoying, predictable final sequence, a very broad punchline.

But enough of me bitchin' and being an old man who hates everything. Well, the opening where Tails is doing a spooky, scary voice while holding a flashlight under his face in the dark is cute. Cindy Robinson and Colleen O'Shaughnessey have a nice chemistry as Amy and Tails. Ya know, these two have been voicing these characters for so long that it's easy for them to simply inhabit these roles. Also, from the little bit I know about Tarot, this seems to be a semi-respectable crash course on it. The cards being upside down and shit is acknowledged. Otherwise, I got nothing else to say about this one. Anyone else got the sudden need to consult the spirits for life advice? [5/10]

TailsTube #7: Between Two Hedgehogs

TailsTube #7: Between Two Hedgehogs 

Original Publication Date: April 25th, 2024

Sometime in 2008 or so, comedian and writer Scott Auckerman attempted to spin-off a sketch television series from his popular live show and later podcast, "Comedy Death-Ray." The pilot wasn't picked up by the network but Auckerman and co-creator B.J. Porter felt especially good about one segment in particular. It starred Zach Galifianakis, a stand-up comic beloved by the "alt comedy" crowd that was about to break into the mainstream in a big way with a starring role in the hit movie, "The Hangover." The sketch was called "Between Two Ferns" and it was a parody of the extremely awkward interviews celebrities have to do when promoting their new movies or whatever. The segment had intentionally shitty production values, invoking super low-budget, public access level interviews. The title was taken from the kitschy set dressing found in such environments. The joke was that big name guests would appear in this humiliatingly lo-fi setting while Galifianakis played a version of himself as an intensely awkward, unprofessional, and eccentric interviewer. The segment was a mockery of the falseness of Hollywood press tours and celebrity culture. 

2008 was a different time. YouTube was still only five years old and hadn't become the inescapable presence in our everyday life it is now. The real world and the internet were more separated and life had not gotten as aggressively surreal as it is now. The descendants of "Between Two Ferns," Auckerman's own "Comedy Bang! Bang!" and "The Eric Andre Show," would take essentially the same premise to even weirder and wackier levels. By now, the talk show format has been so thoroughly deconstructed and using uncomfortable awkwardness for humor is pretty played out. At the time though, "Between Two Ferns" was kind of a fresh idea. The segment, with Michael Cera as the first guest, was posted to the Funny Or Die website. It became a weirdly massive hit, being reborn as a web series. At its peak, "Between Two Ferns" was so popular that it got mega-stars like Brad Pitt and the then-sitting President of the United States, Barrack Obama, to appear on it. The program won Emmys and received a Netflix movie adaptation in 2019. 

I bring all of this up because I feel like "Between Two Ferns" has been a little forgotten in the 17 years since it debuted. It feels like a relic of the pre-COVID, pre-President Trump era when it was easier to laugh at the artificiality of celebrity culture. (One of the last episodes was Hilary Clinton making a stopover in her hilariously self-assured presidential campaign.) It doesn't help that Galifianakis has intentionally retreated from the spotlight a bit in recent years. There's a good chance that, when an episode of TailsTube was posted to YouTube last April that referenced "Between Two Ferns" in its title and format, that the children who mostly watch these little cartoons had no idea what the hell they were spoofing here. I guess somebody touched on the pun of hedges being kind of like ferns, and Tails standing between two hedgehogs during this episode, and decided to just run with it. This would certainly not be the first time a piece of "Sonic" media made a reference to something that is likely outside the reference pool of the franchise's target audience of children. 

Not that the seventh episode of "TailsTube" actually references or jokes about the program it took its title from, outside of having Tails sit on a simple backdrop between two hedges while he jointly interviews Sonic and Shadow. Yes, that's the setup for this one. Tails claims he's known so many hedgehogs over the years that he wants to do a reoccurring segment about interviewing them together. Imagine if a white guy did this with all his black friends. Anyway, Tails is forcing Shadow and Sonic into a room together and making them talk until they admit they actually don't utterly hate each others' guts. He wants his two hedgehog buddies to get along and be friends! Ain't that cute? Expectedly, the episode goes pear-shaped very quickly. Tails is doing team building exercises for his superhero friends now and broadcasting them over his internet V-Tuber/podcast show thing. Does that sound like riveting television to you? 

"Between Two Hedgehogs" is another installment of TailsTube that I can't find any writing credits for. I'm going to guess that this is not one of the Ian Flynn or Tyson Hesse written episode. Yeah, this is another "TailsTube" that doesn't do much besides summarize events we are already familiar with. It's a quick run-down of the history of Sonic and Shadow's rivalry. The two hedgehogs talk about how much they can't stand each other and then Tails will bring up some time they saved the world together, only for events to repeat themselves the next time Sonic met Shadow. The final boss battles of "Sonic Adventure 2" and "Sonic Heroes" are brought up. This is what you get when your corporate overlords treat characters as nothing but mascots that aren't allowed to grow or evolve pass their basic statuses! Anyway, the joke is that Tails is trying to force these two to compliment each other, which they only do begrudgingly before resuming their macho rivalry and running off to fight again. 

Earlier, I said this episode is like Tails doing a team building exercises for his employees. That was a lie. He's actually playing matchmaker here. If I took nothing away from these four minutes, it's that Sonic and Shadow are so gay for each other that the only way they can express it is through the very manly activity of racing and punching each other until someone cums first. I mean, wins the fight or whatever. I know "Sonic" is a franchise for children but the fan girls have been picking up on the blistering homoerotic tension between Sonic and Shadow from the very beginning. Sega is obviously aware of the ship and these four minutes are one long tease for that crowd. I mean, the guys are practically kissing on the thumbnail! 

For further examples of obvious ways this episode teases the Sonadow crowd: Shadow demands Sonic says things "to his face." Shadow claims that Sonic only repulses him before Tails points out the facts that they work together all the time. Shadow repeatedly attempts to assert his dominance while Sonic fires back with childish teasing and mockery. It feels like flirting, honestly. By the time Tails forces these two to say something nice about each other, both of these hedgehogs are acting like little tsunderes that would never admit they actually like you, baka, but whose actions clearly suggest otherwise. The episode concludes with Sonic baiting Shadow into "throwing down" with him while sensually calling him a "faker," clearly his pet name for his bro-friend here. They quickly leave the recording booth to "race across the island." Which feels a lot like code for them both being so horny for each other that they have to immediately have sex that moment or they will both die. 

I'm far from the first person to pick up on the gay subtext in any storyline about two dudes hating each other so much, they spend every minute thinking about this other guy and do everything in their life to be better than this person. The difference between a relationship like that and simply being in love with each other really isn't much, is it? The inevitable fisticuffs undeniably feel like an orgasmic physical interaction, the climax to all these manly dude-bro pissing contests. At what point does a lifelong manly rivalry cease to be about being the best around and start to be an elaborate form of foreplay? It's a trope onto itself at this point, causing me to believe that whoever put this "TailsTube" together knew exactly what they were doing. By now, we should all be familiar with the idea of a dude being so masculine that it excludes the presence of women from his life, resulting in obvious conclusions about his choice in romantic partners. And Sonic and Shadow are the two toughest, fastest, most powerful dudes on their planet, right? Sonic doesn't have time for Amy but spontaneously agrees to "race" Shadow here. I don't know, sounds kind of gay to me...

Roger Craig Smith definitely seems aware of this not-subtle subtext, his line reading veering very much towards the flirtatious. Kirk Thornton as Shadow seems to play things a little more straight – pun intended lol – but that's just cause Shadow needs Sonic to smack him around enough to force him out of the closet. A clip from "Sonic Prime" plays in the background, the first time that show was acknowledged within Sega-approved canon. Since the rivalry between the two hedgehogs was a big selling point behind that show, I'm guessing that was probably why this particular topic was chosen for a "TailsTube" at this time. Considering this is the shortest "TailsTube" yet, at only a little over four minutes, that makes this entire endeavor feel more like a elongated commercial than ever before. However, the hilariously queer tension between every interaction Sonic and Shadow have here actually does make it worth watching. 

One more thing: Sonic admit he finds Shadow's Chaos Control ability impressive. Yeah, I bet you do, big boy. That causes Shadow to bring up that time Sonic Chaos Controlled with a fake emerald during "Sonic Adventure 2." Excuse my ignorance if they've addressed this at some point in the last twenty-four years but: Has Sonic ever used that ability again? Was it ever explained how he could do that in the first place? Has that event been brought up any point since then? Or was that entire plot point merely a desperate way for Sonic Team to write themselves out of a corner they constructed in the first place? See, this is why video games aren't art. Anyway, funny episode, worth watching for the overwhelming mood of "no homo but..." that floats over all of it. [6/10]

TailsTube #6: Surprise Gift Exchange Bonanza

TailsTube #6: Surprise Gift Exchange Bonanza 

Original Release Date: December 21st, 2023

As 2023 came to a close, another holiday season was looming. Sega had already released their big "Sonic the Hedgehog" titles for that year. However, I guess they just like Christmas and decided to stick a holly-jolly "TailsTube" installment up on their YouTube. Of course, that raises the same question I ask any time there's a "Sonic the Hedgehog" holiday special: Why do they have Christmas? I guess since it's now established lore that Sonic and friends exist on a world alongside regular meat-sack humans, the question is largely answered. One can assume that human history progressed more or less the same in this alternate universe, winter festivals and the cultural dominance of Christianity coming about in the same way. "Sonic and the Secret Rings," by establishing that djinn exists, suggests Islam is part of this world too. Did Eggman's ancestor participate in the Crusades? The mind conjures image of human missionaries boating out to South Island and attempting to convert the local pagan populace of upright animals. Does that mean there are hardcore Christians among Sonic's population? Vanilla seems like the good church going type. Are there other adherents, faiths, and weird outgrowths? Hedgehog Mormons? Does ninja Espio practice Shinto beliefs? The question now is not if the new Pope will be Catholic but if he'll even be human. Is Jewish convert Knuckles circumcised or not? And how many times? 

Ah man, I love it when I get to do that! Speculating wildly off of the tiniest indications of a wider culture in this series! As much fun as it is to imagine how religions work on Sonic's world, episode six of "TailsTube" truly suggests there's no heaven, no religion too. Many of the signifiers of Christmas are present in this episode. Tails' workshop is decked out with holly, wreaths, colorful lights, and hot cocoa. References are made throughout to well-known carols and the central premise of the episode recalls a Secret Santa party. However, the word "Christmas" is never spoken. Only that much dreaded phrase "happy holidays." This is not a "Christmas party" but a "surprise gift exchange bonanza." The obvious reason for this – Sega does not want to align their mascots with any one religion or culture and the Japanese view Christmas as secular anyway – does not provide an in-universe explanation. So maybe Sonic and all his friends are godless heathens who only worship the hollow joys of materialism. It's a good thing that his progress isn't the only thing Sonic can save though...

But I digress. "TailsTube" episode six has Tails gathering a bunch of his friends into his workshop for a cozy celebration. Sonic, Knuckles, and Amy are there but Shadow, Rouge and Omega show up too. The gift exchanging ritual goes smoothly enough but clashing personalities means the party soon descends into chaos anyway. Everyone except Tails runs off, leaving the fox alone when Eggman decides to crash the party and engage in some Ho-Ho-Homicide. With no one to wreck, the doctor is disappointed and ends up sharing a nice little moment with his archenemy's little buddy. Awwww, isn't that nice? 

One of the nicest things about gift giving occasions is that it reflects the personalities of both people involved. Obviously, unless you are a totally selfish jerk-ass, you want your gift to reflect the intended's interests and passions. Inevitably though, what you get someone else shows your personality as well. You aren't truly giving that person a gift. You are getting a gift for the version of that person that exists in your head. Your gift shows what you think of that person too. This is something noticeable in this "TailsTube" broadcast. Knuckles gets Omega a rock, proving his humble roots but also appealing to the kill-droid's desire to smash stuff. Amy gets Sonic a heart-shaped picture frame with a photo of herself inside, reflecting her always naïve hope that Sonic holds her as dearly as she does him. Sonic gets Knuckles a gift certificate to a chili dog restaurant because he's a fast-paced guy on the run who doesn't have time to look at an Amazon wish list. He did put thought into it though and Knux ends up finding it a very practical gift. As for Rouge, she gives a gift to the person who is most important in her life: Herself. It's a simple setup for a story but it allows for many chances to consider who these characters are as people. 

That leads to another element of Christmas parties that this little five minute bit of animation gets right. Any time you are passing gifts around, it's going to be sweet. People are going to be touched that you thought of them, that you took some time and energy out of your day simply to get a little present for them. This message – about how, really, it is about the giving – is sweetly shown in the last third, when Tails defers Eggman's wrath by giving him a present, melting his evil heart. Stoic Shadow isn't immune to this either, in the easily predicted but still cute final scene. Ultimately, that's why we gather together as groups during the coldest, most desolate time of year to remind one another that we do care, that we are worthy of consideration to each other, that we are carried in other people's thoughts and hearts. To show that this sense of togetherness is always present, the script includes shout-outs to Jewel, the Restoration, and Sage as well. See, the "Sonic" family is wide and vast but always connected by wuv.

However, parties such as these can be awkward as fuck too. That is also nicely captured. Omega, myopic in his focus on destroying enemy Badniks, gifts Amy a crushed MotoBug, as he can't imagine anyone having any other interests. After receiving Amy's picture frame, Sonic immediately removes the photo of her and replaces it with that time him and Tails drew a face on Eggman's bald head. Amy's reaction, to bite her lip and let the botched romantic moment pass, very much feels like something out of a "Sonic Boom" episode. As does Eggman being embarrassed that he forgot a gift and quickly throwing something together for Tails. Once you throw in the unpredictable elements of a Secret Santa party – amusingly shown, in "Sonic" series tradition, as an on-screen slot machine winding down – such awkwardness is unavoidable. I like that both sides of that coin are present here. 

This episode also marks the first time Team Dark has appeared on "TailsTube." I'm so used to Shadow, Rouge, and Omega existing as characters I read about in comics and my brain providing voices for them, that it always throws me for a little loop when I remember Omega and Shadow sounds like that in canon. However, Rouge is always on-point. By which I mean, it is in her nature to flirt with absolutely everyone, all the time. She teases Knuckles throughout, calls him "handsome," and eventually leads him on a very easily predicted chase. The way she giggles mischievously as they ran off together makes this ritual feel like elaborate foreplay more than ever. However, the busty bat also flirts with Shadow, saying it would be a "crisis" if he wasn't there, in typically cooing manner. She can't help herself and that's why we love the slutty chiroptera so much. 

There's more unique backgrounds and art in this episode, what with the shots of everyone interacting with presents that they wouldn't normally be touching. Maybe that required the budget to be mixed around for this episode, explaining what the actual characters seem to move less than they ordinarily do in this show. It might just be me but it seemed their lips don't always move in time with their dialogue. Aww, shucks, what could be more perfect for the Christmas holiday than pinching a few pennies? Anyway, this is cute and I enjoyed it. As I type this, it's spring time in my corner of the world but I'll get ahead of the curb and go ahead and wish everyone an early Merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a crazy Kwanza, a tip top Tet, and a solemn and dignified Ramadan. [7/10]

DC X Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 2

DC X Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 2

Original Publication Date: April 16th, 2025

It must be tricky writing a big, inter-corporate crossover like "DC X Sonic the Hedgehog." You have two sets of characters to balance, both of which have certain expectations fans will want to see met. (And two sets of legal barriers from corporate overlords to obey, which is surely no fun at all.) The DC Universe is a vast and sprawling construct, with established characters and concepts that easily measure in the thousands. The "Sonic" license is also extremely convoluted and huge. How do you begin to narrow down who and what you want to feature? Then you must organize all those ideas into a semi-coherent narrative of some sort, usually within the boundaries of only a few issues too. That's enough to stymie the most hardcore of fan boys. I'm going to have some criticism for Ian Flynn's script for the second installment of "DC X Sonic" here in a minute but, when you consider all of the above, some of the flaws make a lot more sense. 

We pick up where we left off last month, with Sonic and the Flash about to face down Darkseid, who has gotten his ominous mitts on the Blue Chaos Emerald. The tyrant of Apokolips and his Omega Beams prove more than even these two speedsters can handle, the New God of Fascism walking off with the glowing gemstones. He realizes that these reality-altering rocks have more than enough juice to achieve his dimension-shattering goals. He deploys all his henchmen to hunt the remaining six down. The Justice League and Team Sonic do what they can to track down the stones before these villains can. However, the Blue Emerald is enough to start shaking the very fabric of existence up. With an assist from Eggman, both groups of heroes take the fight to Darkseid on his RagnaRock... But is the fate of two worlds already sealed?

Recently, a new bit of Zoomer slang – forged, no doubt, within the darkest depths of TikTok or Roblox or something – has wedged itself into the internet's lexicon. That would be "hype moments and aura." As a geriatric millennial, barely clinging to life by the straps of my JNCO jeans, it's entirely possible I'm misunderstanding all of this. However, as far as I can tell, that string of words refers to when a piece of entertainment – anime, video games, movies, what have you – substitutes exciting moments of action or suitably awe-inducing spectacle for writing of genuine depth. We old folks would refer to this, I think, as "style over substance." The degree to which a story's aesthetic appeal and its actual narrative depth contribute to one's enjoyment of a piece of art is as old as criticism itself. Many have argued that style is substance. There's no doubt, that many illustrators, musicians, and filmmakers have elevated the artificial presentation of their work to such a degree that it becomes an astounding work of art all its own. You can even say that the grasping of the ineffable quality that makes something cool – its aura, if you will – is quite a challenging and precise task of its own. 

At the same time, we do live in an especially distracted time. Many aspects of our daily lives have become far too similar to professional wrestling, where someone very much can mask a lack of technical skill with the ability to excite an audience. There's no easier way to generate a "hype moment" or some "aura" than to nod at something people already know, something they've been waiting for. When Captain America said "Avengers assemble!" in "Avengers: Endgame," it was guaranteed to result in an orgasmic tidal wave of fans finally getting the dopamine they were promised. Marvel is betting a lot of money on a similar reaction to an 84 year old Patrick Stewart croaking out "To me, my X-Men!" against an ashen green screen environment in their next billion-dollar crossover movie. I'm not immune to this. Sonic going Super in the second movie got a similarly oversized reaction from me. However, in a world increasingly driven by corporations mining our nostalgic connection to yesterday's creations for easy buzz amid an ever-more artistically hollow entertainment landscape, we must remain diligent. The term "We've got hype moments and aura" is actually a good piece of pop culture critique. Making the reader cheer is not the same thing as making the reader cry, making the reader think, or changing the way the reader feels about the world or themselves. Style has its place but it's not a substitute for depth, certainly not in a world where the stories we consume – the reflections of our reality that represent us grappling with our existence – are under threat of being replaced by machine-generated dross devoid of any value at all. 

The point I'm making in far too many words is this: "DC X Sonic" doesn't have to actually be good to get people losing their minds. When you are shoving two beloved pieces of pop culture like this together, depending entirely on "hype moments and aura" represents the path of least resistance. Did I get a buzz simply from seeing Sonic the Hedgehog attempt to outrun Darkseid's crooked, hero-seeking Omega Beams? You bet your ass I did. Having an image of Shadow and Batman riding side-by-side or Knuckles and Superman taking to the skies together is an insane dream come true. This comic book contains a panel where Wonder Woman rides around on the back of Amy Rose's pink electric car. How am I to react to that with anything but cries of "This is fucking cool?" Ian Flynn certainly packs the book with these moments. He litters this comic with callbacks to DC lore. Classic Darkseid henchmen like Lashina, Mantis, and Kalibak all clash with our good guys. Steppenwolf threatens to take a bridge Shadow and Bruce Wayne are standing on for a magic carpet ride. Watching Silver the Hedgehog and Green Lantern attempt to combine their powers to stop Darkseid is friggin' exciting. 

As I said before, it's also a lot. If there's any big complaint I have about "DC X Sonic" so far, it's that this comic book is as fast paced as both the Blue Blur and the Scarlet Speedster combined. Those two are fighting off Darkseid for a page or two before we are off on a MacGuffin chase after the Chaos Emeralds. Seeing this unlikely pairing take on a selection of sub-bosses from Apokolips is cool... It also represents only a handful of panels in a brief issue. Batman and Shadow barely get to show Steppenwolf how born to be wild they were before the heroes have to redirect their efforts towards confronting the Anti-Life pusher man directly. That cataclysmic struggle with the bad guy itself only lasts a brief time before the crossover is moving onto its next hype moment, which surely exists to set up more hype moments in the future. I know the fate of two worlds hang in the balance here but maybe a slightly less breathlessly deployed series of incidents would have been nice. 

An individual comic book that's part of a limited mini-series leaving you wanting more is not the worst crime. That's kind of the whole point of the medium, right? To get you so hyped up that you can't wait for part three to drop next month? There's a difference between exciting us with the promise of more to come and leaving too many scraps on the plate though. This issue introduces a fun plot point. Darkseid and his minions are going to tear Sonic's world apart. That won't leave much for Eggman to build his amusement park on, so the villain makes a shaky truce with his life-long enemies against a far bigger threat. It's a classic comic book set-up and one we've seen before. However, what we haven't seen before is Eggman badgering the Justice League into taking a ride on the Egg Carrier before slamming point first into the giant eye of Darkseid's personal Death Egg. Eggman's role in the story isn't much more than that and it feels like a waste. That such a juicy idea, as Eggman and Team Sonic putting aside their differences to team up against the new Antichrist in town, is reduced to merely one incident among many is disappointing. 

The Flash points out that Superman also has an egomaniacal balding mad scientist obsessed with defeating him. More parallels like that – otherwise known as the main reason we like to read goofy crossovers like this – were definitely needed. What joy the first part of "DC X Sonic" gave me was mostly born out of Flynn contrasting these two sets of action figures. There's a little bit of that in issue two. Sonic and the Flash continue to banter and bait on another, constantly razing the other about who is faster. The Flash brags about surpassing picoseconds and Sonic quips that it's cute his speed can be measured. That's what we want to see, man. Sadly, in his attempt to shove in as much stuff as possible and fuse the script with the Speed Force, Ian Flynn robs us of more truly fun interactions. These characters probably aren't going to meet each other again. Maybe slow it down a bit? 

Instead, the ways these heroes are similar and different are only highlighted fleetingly. Shadow is bragging about being the Ultimate Lifeform to Batsy for a single panel before they are distracted by the next crisis. Tails and Cyborg techno-babble in a laboratory on the way to inventing a plot saving doohickey. Otherwise, there's disappointingly little of that here. Wonder Woman promises to help take on Eggman next time she's around – is that an Egg-Fu reference???? – which Amy is enthusiastic about. Superman stands back and looks a little embarrassed as Knuckles goes HAM on Kalibak. Otherwise, it's only an action beat here and there. Silver and Jon Stewart get it the worst, not doing much more than throwing some green constructs and telekinetic waves at Mantis. It's cool but is it enough? 

I still don't know but I am sure of something else: Ian Flynn and Adam Bryce Thomas sure are impressed with Darkseid. I never would have guessed that Flynn was such a big fan of Jack Kirby's blending of classic mythology and far-out sixties sci-fi but you can see it clearly here. "DC X Sonic" totally buys into the idea that Darkseid is the biggest threat to the multiverse. He drops that iconic line about how "Darkseid IS," which still ranks among comic-dom's hardest rap brags. The issue emphasizes his grandness, that he truly is a god, and it goes a long way towards making the stakes here feel extra high. You know a comic book has a top shelf bad guy when you feel like the heroes are totally outmatched against him. You can tell Adam Bryce Thomas also had a lot of fun drawing stuff a lot weirder than blue hedgehogs and Chao for once too. He designs a weird cosmos-resetting Fatherbox for the bad guys that reminds me of H.R. Ginger's "Li II" painting. Whether that was an intentional reference or not, biomechanical psycho-sexual vibes are not something I ever expected to get from an officially branded "Sonic" comic. 

This was obviously a dream gig for the artist. The variety of superpowers on display here allow for all the high dynamism we expect from Thomas' action sequences. You often feel the speed and the power of the blows here, of Wonder Woman lassoing Darkseid or Superman trading blows with the New God. Of course, the speed and agility of Sonic and the Flash get some theatrical presentations too. I also really like ABT's decision to often depict Darkseid's face as nothing but glowing red eyes bathed in shadows. If I had to leverage any criticism against this extremely gorgeous artwork, it would be that Thompson makes Superman a little prettier than I like. He gives him feathery eyelashes and a graceful dancer's posture, when I like my Clark Kent to be a little closer to an old time-y circus strongman aesthetic. But that might be strictly a me thing. 

It's cool. No shit it's cool. A comic book with Sonic the Hedgehog and Batman in it would have to be a disaster for it to be anything less than cool. Only someone like Ken Penders could fumble a touchdown that badly and they don't let him into comic shops anymore. Flynn never letting up on the gas is frustrating, especially when what we truly want to see is more of these two teams interacting. There is plenty of hype and aura, no doubt about that, but I do wish it was a little less rushed. The ending – in the tradition of comic crossovers, far graver than it actually will end up being – shows that Sonic and the gang will get to delve more into the DC Universe as this goes on. The Justice League might be getting a bit more unlimited than I initially expected, which hopefully means we Aquaman fans won't be left on dry land here. Whether "DC X Sonic" winds up being a satisfying whole remains to be seen but I guess I'm too big of a nerd not to keep hoping for the best. [7/10]

TailsTube #5 (Remember When?)

TailsTube #5 (Remember When?)

Original Release Date: October 10th, 2023

Ahhh, nostalgia. Is there anything the internet loves more? Pornography, probably. Racism and witch-hunts too. Looking back at the past with a wistful fondness is indeed a favorite past time of people who spend entirely too much time looking at their phones or computers. You could even say that a misplaced nostalgia for an idealized past that never actually existed is part of why America is on the slippery slope towards full-blown fascism! Nevertheless, I think looking back on the cartoon shows or toys or breakfast cereals or whatever that you loved as a kid with a smile is generally a harmless activity. I mean, it is basically one of the main reasons this entire blog exists! "Sonic" fans tend to be highly nostalgic, whether they are old guys like me remembering the Genesis days and still holding a candle for Princess Sally or if they are a generation or two younger and recall "Sonic Adventure 2" or "Shadow the Hedgehog" blowing their minds. I simply can't wait until that cellphone game all about selling people alternate costumes and skins is a source of nostalgia for "Sonic" kids. It's gonna happen sooner than you think! 

Sega is absolutely aware of how fans of their trademark franchise are deeply sentimental. At this point, you could argue that nostalgia is one of the main driving forces of the series. Last year's big title, after all, was an expanded re-release of a game that came out when I was in college. The success of the live action movies seem heavily dependent upon "Sonic" being a thing that people think back on and smile about now. Every "Sonic" game made now includes a throwback or Easter egg nodding at some obscure bit of the series' history. I can't say I'm immune to this, as someone who loves that there's an entire "Classic" umbrella part of this universe now. This is seemingly the fate of all nerd properties, to franchises eating their own tail as they become increasingly devoted to celebrating their own existence in service of fans who only want to be reminded of simpler, happier times. Damn, there I go getting doomy again. Sorry about that. 

I bring up the existential emptiness of nostalgia as a concept because the fifth installment of "TailsTube" is seemingly devoted to looking back. It is called "Remember When?," which suggests an episode devoted to Sonic and friends recalling past adventures. It's kind of that. A line at the beginning places this episode, continuity-wise, shortly after the events of "Sonic Frontiers." Tails gets Sonic, Knuckles, and Amy physically in the studio with him. The discussion soon turns towards friends and enemies they haven't seen in a while. Namely, Mighty and Ray. A little later on, the discussion turns towards Fang the Hunter. That's pretty much it, though the final minutes of the broadcast has everyone announcing, without Tails getting any input, that they are about to have a cook-out. This continues what might be "TailsTube's" most important contribution to "Sonic" lore: That Sonic is a penniless mooch who is constantly stealing Tails' food. 

"Remember When??" is technically the start of the second "season" of "TailsTube," an essentially meaningless distinction when the program has as irregular a release schedule as this one. Writing credits for a lot of the newer episodes of this venture are tricky to find. However, if I was a betting man, I'd put money on this one emerging from Ian Flynn's pen. Mainly because "Remember When??" is, once again, an excuse to clarify details about the world and its timeline. Having previously dismissed the "Classic/Modern" divide, this episode outright confirms something I was speculating about not long ago. If the current iterations of Sonic and the gang are, indeed, the same ones that hung out with Mighty and Ray in the past... That means those guys are still out there, somewhere in the world, waiting to be re-introduced with flashy, updated designs whenever Sega deems them relevant again. The script is intentionally vague about where these two are now or what they might be up to. Amy simply says that they are always on adventures, aren't great about staying in contact, and they haven't heard from them in some time. They are among us though. That's nice. 

Flynn or whoever wrote this one goes further than that too. "Remember When??" references events from the IDW comics and the, at the time forthcoming, "Sonic Superstars." That continues to confirm that the "Sonic the Hedgehog" series is now a much more unified effort, all the games and the new comics taking place within one consistent world and timeline. No word on how "Sonic Prime," the movies, or the other cartoon shows relate to this, not yet anyway. This is an inevitable effect of Ian Flynn being given the keys to the Corvette, as it were. This is the same dude who took the tangled mess of plot points and unresolved story threads that was Archie "Sonic" and weaved it into some sort of coherent history. He's now doing the same thing with the different branches of the series, tying all the games and much of the spin-off media into one big tapestry. 

At least, as far as the English-language branch of the franchise is confirmed. "TailsTube #5" is the first of the series to not receive a Japanese dub. This has remained the case with all future episodes, "TailsTube" as a concern only being relevant to English-speaking fans, I guess. This is another clear indication that Japan doesn't actually care that much about "Sonic." See also: How the third movie, very successful in many global markets, basically flopped in the hedgehog's home country. No wonder they are letting us dorks here in God's country take over. It also makes me dread the very likely possible that Sega of Japan will eventually make some sweeping generalization or massive change that fucks up whatever master plan Ian and friends are cooking up here. You know it's gonna happen.  

Despite continuity concerns largely being the main topic at here, that's not what "TailsTube #5" is actually doing. Remember how I was bitching about how, sometimes, these YouTube shorts seem to be nothing more than quickie summaries for newer, less nerdy fans? That's more-or-less what "Remember When??" is doing. This is about quickly establishing who Mighty, Ray, and Fang are for anyone who might not know. The comics, "Sonic Mania" and "Sonic Mania Adventures" are all referenced. As is "Sega Sonic the Hedgehog," "Knuckles' Chaotix," and "Sonic the Fighter." However, the script here largely reads like a quick run-down of these guys' superpowers and personality points. Perhaps it hints at the main reason why Mighty and Ray haven't shown up in modern games still: They are basically just more powerful versions of Sonic and Tails. Mighty's gentle nature and Ray's sweetness are shouted out but the script mostly draws attention to their abilities and similarities to Sonic and Tails. Which doesn't make a great case for why these two should come back. 

Still, I guess it is nice that Sega considers Mighty and Ray worth mentioning. Since "TailsTube" is a quasi-promotional program, I don't know why so much time is spent on these two. Where they originally planned as DLC for "Superstars" before that underperformed? However, Fang the Hunter getting highlighted does make sense, considering his prominent role in that game. That leads to what is probably the main thing we all love to talk about when it comes to this guy: What the hell is his name and what even is he? "Nack the Weasel" is acknowledged as a past alias, as is "Fang the Sniper." (Which Amy amusingly mentions as being too violent.) This leads into the reveal is not a weasel, not a wolf, but a jerboa. The script does not clarify what the hell a jerboa is, for those who might know. I guess Sonic saying "One of those bouncy desert mouse things?" would be too meta. Akin to Sonic glancing at Knuckles and saying "You don't look like an egg-laying spiny anteater with a freakish four-headed peen!" 

It annoys me when characters are reduced to only a list of attributes or stats like this. I suppose that's unavoidable when characters are little more than gameplay features. However, I do like a certain feature of this episode. Actually putting Tails and the other three prongs of the team in a room together allows for a lot more banter between them. That leads to Knuckles complaining about Tails' computer thing, Sonic pointing out all the times the echidna has been tricked by Eggman, and Amy doing her best to police all the macho posturing. Shit like this is, in fact, what keeps me coming back to these videos! These personalities play off each other nicely. This cast is really good at bouncing dialogue back and forth. That makes this short little video more than a mere lore-dump. We actually learn some things about who these furry animals are and what their relationship with each other. We listen to real podcast – at least I do – more often because I like to hang out with the hosts than necessarily whatever the topic is. Bits like this in "TailsTube" captures that nicely. 

Also, I guess to signal that a new season has started, this episode features a new background. It's a look at Tails' lab, post-"Frontier." I'm sure the people who love to look into images like this for little Easter eggs found plenty. I like that the Tornado is front and center. Like all "TailsTube" so far, there's not much to this particular installment. I like the confirmation on Mighty and Ray's current status – whereabouts unknown but somewhere – and I like Sonic and Knuckles arguing like an old married couple. I guess I didn't feel like my five minutes were wasted. [6/10]

Sonic Superstars: Trio of Trouble

Sonic Superstars: Trio of Trouble 

Original Release Date: September 20th, 2023

One thing few "Sonic the Hedgehog" fans can actually agree on is which, if any, of the games are good. This constant storm of what titles are currently favored by the fandom – dependent largely on what game was the newest during the majority of the fandom's childhood – is always changing. "Sonic Superstars" seems to be, as a relatively recent release, regarded mostly as a disappointment. Nobody seems to think the game is an atrocity or anything. The general consensus is that it's merely okay and, most damningly, not as good as "Sonic Mania." But I've seen "Sonic" nerds try and reclaim titles that were, when new, considered franchise ending flops. "Sonic '06" revisionism is common place now. The Werehog has gone from being a widely loathed premise to a fan favorite among some. I've seen people go to bat for "Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric." The point I'm making is: "Sonic Superstars," your time will come. Give it a decade and the kids who played it now will look back on it fondly as a landmark entry in the series.

Regardless of what you think of the new "Sonic" games that come out, Sega and everyone else at least knows one thing will be a hit: The animated short posted to YouTube to promote the game, usually directed in some capacity by Tyson Hesse. I think I've praised almost everyone of these that have come out and I'm clearly not the only one. They wouldn't keep making them if people didn't like them! Naturally, "Sonic Superstars" was accompanied by such an animated short as well. "Sonic Superstars: Trio of Trouble" would arrive on YouTube about a month before the game actually came out. Hesse, I guess being busy as an executive producer on the live action movies, would only co-direct "Trio of Trouble." Another graduate of the comic books assumed primary leadership, with Evan Stanley getting the top credit. Ian Flynn provided the script, once again proving that this group of fan creators used the comic book as a launching pad to infect as many corners of the "Sonic" brand as they could.

Acting as a prequel to "Superstars," "Trio of Trouble" begins with Fang the Hunter coming into conflict with Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy. They trash his ass and the jerboa awakens, revealing the entire incident as a nightmare he was having. In actually, he is accompanying Eggman as he is led through some ruins on the Northstar Islands by Trip the Sungazer. While the doctor is enamored of some ominous hieroglyphics, Fang and Trip run afoul of a bunch of ancient booby traps and a large, ill-tempered snake. Fang proves surprisingly useful when confronting the snake, having seemingly learned from past failures.  

I think of Nack the Weasel/Fang the Hunter/Fang the Sniper/the Amazing Purple Whatsit as a classic "Sonic" character. Obviously because I'm old enough to remember when he debuted and because he's been a regular presence in the comic books for years. I realized this is not true for a lot of people who probably consider Fang a footnote at most or were basically introduced to him by "Superstars." Nevertheless, I am surprised that "Trio of Trouble" represents his first appearance in animation. It truly goes to show that most of the early animated media ignored the games while Sega truly treated "Sonic Adventure" as a reboot and a license to ignore everything that came out before 1999. I think, on some level, I was obviously aware of the fact that Fang had never popped up in a cartoon before. Of course I knew that. It's still surprising to consider though. You would've thought that this minor antagonist, that's been a part of the series since 1994, would've shown up in a cartoon at some point before 2023. Goes to show that a lot of "Sonic" media has gone unmined. 

Despite "Superstars" acting as many younger fans' first brush with Fang, his arc in the game oddly depends on being familiar with his history. Namely, the fact that he's kind of a joke, who always gets thrashed by Sonic and friends and never poses much of a serious threat. This was addressed a lot in the comic mini-series devoted to him, released around this time. It also comes up in this short. The opening dream sequence shows that Fang is used to suffering humiliating defeats at the hands of Sonic and friends. In the course of the five minute cartoon, he proves that he actually does know what he's doing sometimes. One of the embarrassing mishaps in his dream – which I guess is also a memory – has the Marvelous Queen deploying a big drill and spinning around. Fang used this same tactic to help defeat the big snake here. Once again, it shows that a major part of "Sonic Superstars'" agenda was rehabilitating Fang's reputation, both in and out of universe. I guess this is a more interesting gimmick to give the character, rather than him being an all-purpose goon for hire. 

Trip doesn't have nearly as much to do in this animation. Most of her character development was destined to happen in the actual video game. This cartoon exists to prompt you to go out and buy the game, obviously. Considering she spends all of this short – and most of the media that came out ahead of the game – in her identity obscuring armor, I think the idea is to intentionally make us wonder what this newbie's deal is. Are they genuinely malevolent or are they only being tricked into working with Eggman, like so many characters before them? "Trio of Trouble" does hint at Trip's true nature. As Eggman moves through the ruins, he carelessly stomps on a pretty flower Trip had been admiring for a minute. After the big purple snake is lassoed, she walks over and tenderly rubs its head. Both of these moments exists to hint at Trip's true nature, as a gentle soul who loves and respects nature, that has merely been misled into aligning with the bad guys.

Part of why these shorts are always so anticipated is because they typically look gorgeous. "Trio of Trouble" is no different in that regard. The opening dream sequence – an excuse to get Sonic and the gang into this cartoon that otherwise doesn't feature them – is full of dynamic shots. Such as Sonic running along the interior of a dome while Tails hovers behind him. That scene ends with close-ups of Sonic and the other heroes with demonic features, similar to a trick Hesse threw in when drawing those Werehog Archie issues. That dynamism returns during the second half, when Fang and Trip are running from the giant snake. The shots of the Marvelous Queen deploying it's various weapons and gadgets are so lovingly animated. Who ever did the mechanical design on this cartoon clearly had a great time with it. 

It's also notable how well lit this cartoon is. The first shot of Sonic spin-dashing around a pillar and into a halo of sunlight is so cool. This proceeds Fang standing before a glorious sunset, while an Ennio Morricone style sting plays on the soundtrack. That points towards the spaghetti western inspired feel for this segment, with its sun-bathed, delicately shadowed visuals. Once the story proper starts, set entirely within those spooky ruins, the use of shadows and stray beams of light continues, establishing a mysterious, slightly ominous feeling to this setting. All of that is before the softly glowing, bioluminescent mushroom, which is always a cool addition to any set of old ruins. In other words, "Trio of Trouble" looks fantastic. The sheer amount of love the animators had these characters and their world is evident in every frame of its brief runtime. 

With Evan Stanley having top-billing on the directorial credit, and Tyson Hesse only getting a co-director nod, I don't know who did the majority of the work on this. If Stanley did most of the story boards and Hesse helped her out on a few shots. Or if Hesse did all of the storyboards while Evan headed off animation. The majority of "Trio of Trouble" certainly looks like Hesse's work on his prior "Sonic" animations. It's not as loose and silly as "Sonic Mania Adventures" but some of those trademark goofy faces – like Fang's eyes turning into little spirals whenever he's dizzy – do crop up. Small details, such as Trip getting stuck between spikes emerging from the temple walls and dangling there for a second, remind me of the tiny, character-establishing touches Hesse is fond of including. The characterization of Eggman here, as a goofy little guy who draws a childish scribble of "Superstars" double secret final boss, also recalls Tyson's work on the Archie "Mega-Drive" one-shots. Having said all of that, "Trio of Trouble" is slightly moodier looking and more focused on maintaining the trademark, Sega-approved designs of these characters than Hesse typically is. This suggests to me that Stanley probably had more to do with the look of this cartoon than I'm giving her credit for. There I go, being a typically sexist member of the patriarchy and downplaying a woman's contribution in favor of propping up another man. 

Anyway, "Sonic Superstars: Trio of Trouble" is a lot of fun. It's not the sheer mega-blast of goofy, nostalgic glee that "Sonic Mania Adventures" was. Nor does it give the impression "Sonic Frontiers Prologue: Divergence" did, of attempting to elevate a silly little promotional short into a serious work of art. Despite that, this is still a very well done, absolutely cute, quite lovely to look at little short. I don't think we are ever going to get a "Sonic" animated series or feature that looks this consistently gorgeous. I'm thankful Sega lends the time and money necessary to a group of very talented artists to create these beautiful, little cartoons. [8/10]