Sonic Live in Sydney

Sonic Live in Sydney 

Original Release Date: 1997

Nestled into an obscure corner of the United States as a child, I never physically encountered anyone as obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog as me. From time to time, I'd run into somebody familiar with the games or one of the cartoons or, perhaps, another human boy who had read one or two of the comics. However, a friend as absorbed in this world and characters as myself eluded me. This led to me being a very lonely child, without anyone to share my greatest passion with. That's why getting online and discovering the wider "Sonic" fandom later in the nineties was such a revelation to me. My God, they do exist. 

Something else that fascinated me as a boy was amusement parks. Growing up where I did, I never got to visit any of the iconic American theme parks. Disney World, Universal Studios, SeaWorld, Six Flags Magic Mountain: All out of reach. Instead, I had settled for local D.C. area attractions like Hersheypark – where you can enjoy all the chocolate and slave labor themed rides of your dreams – and Paramount King's Dominion, where you could visit Stan Mikita's Donuts from "Wayne's World." Maybe Busch's Gardens, if you could drive a little further and wanted to watch your Dad get wasted and puke his guts out on the Loch Ness Monster. To my youthful eyes, such humble attractions still filled me with wonder. To my little kid brain, a theme park devoted to a topic was a sure sign that it had saturated the cultural zeitgeist. Which wasn't wrong, I suppose, since theme parks are really expensive. Getting to walk around a whole world devoted to a niche topic was a dream come true. You could trick yourself into thinking Cinderella's Castle or King Kong were real and you somehow breached the membrane between dull, horrible reality and wondrous, fantastical fiction. 

The point I'm making is... If kid-me had known there was a "Sonic the Hedgehog" themed amusement park somewhere in the world, I would have started saving all my pennies right then and there. I doubt I could have found Sydney, Australia on the globe but hearing that it was home to a mythical SegaWorld would have put the city on the map far more than any fancy opera house could. Maybe it's for the best I didn't learn about SegaWorld Sydney until long after its closure. By all accounts, it was a pretty mediocre amusement park, which is likely why it died after less than four years. Despite that, I have become fascinated with Sega World Sydney post-mortem as maybe the most hubristic example of Sega's oversized ambitions in the nineties. Or maybe it's because Sega World was the only place on Earth – outside of some disreputable Discord servers – where Princess Sally was treated with as much reverence as she was in my brain.

Sega World Sydney didn't have any bitchin' roller coasters, elaborate stunt shows, or world-class dining. But you know what it did have? A "Sonic the Hedgehog" stage musical! As performed by actors in clunky mascot suits and, later, severely off-model animatronic puppets. Among the dozens of apathetic vacationers who visited Sega World Sydney, none of them ever thought to video tape either version of the stage show. Or, if they did, they've yet to share it on the internet. Actual video footage of these shows remain highly sought-after relics by lost media archivists and obsessive-compulsive "Sonic" hoarders. Until such a recording surfaces, the only evidence we have of this incredibly obscure corner of the "Sonic" universe actually existing are some very unflattering photos of those suits and puppets. 

Except I'm lying. There is more proof that actors were paid to sweat profusely within heavy fur suits every day for an audience of bored children and visibly irritated parents. Yes, a cast recording CD of the first version of "Sonic Live in Sydney" was sold in the park and we do have digitalization of the CD splashed all over the internet. While this particular topic truly stretches the definition of "visual media," seeing as how very little visuals of it still exist, I am including "Sonic Live in Sydney" in my review of miscellaneous "Sonic" media. Because how can I not write entirely too many words about a half-hour production in which Sonic, Sally, and Robotnik express themselves through the power of song and dance? Someone as fascinated with misbegotten extensions of popular media franchises simply couldn't resist. 

Let us get into it, shall we? What is the riveting plot of "Sonic Live in Sydney?" It begins with Sonic, Tails, and Princess Sally aboard what we can presume to be the Tornado. After engine troubles, the trio bail out and land in Australia. Despite seemingly arriving in this area by accident, the three have a reason for visiting the island continent. Robotnik, following a defeat back on Mobius, have set up shop in Sydney with the Chaos Emeralds in tow. He has build his new base on the Sydney Harbor Bridge. A haphazard scheme involving a boot and a freeze ray ends with Sally being kidnapped by the villain. Sonic and Tails work to rescue her, the doctor falls in love with the Princess, some Badniks are there, and it all ends with Sonic saving the bridge from being exploded between musical numbers and half-assed jokes. 

In 1999, with the release of the Dreamcast and "Sonic Adventure," Sega would attempt to reel in all the divergent localizations of the "Sonic" brand across the world and unite it under one vision, which more closely resembled the Japanese interpretation of the character and his world. It was a controversial decision and one I have mixed feelings about. However, "Sonic Live in Sydney" makes a good case for why such a global unification was necessary. The stage musical – or at least what we can gleam from it based on the audio recording – represents a bizarre fusion of the different "Sonic" continues at the time. Sally is there and references are made to the Freedom Fighters, suggesting "SatAM" was a primary influence. (Supposedly, the dining area in the park where the show was performed was also called Knothole Village.) At the same time, Robotnik's design and characterization is based on his less-scary "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" depiction. In fact, the show's tone is far closer to that cartoon than the Saturday morning series, including a moment when Sonic tricks the doctor by wearing an easily-seen-through disguise. Mobius is also mentioned, presented as a planet separate from Earth, while several elements more akin to the early games – Robotnik's generic army of robotic minions known as Badniks, who were formally harmless woodland animals – also appear. It's a bit like the earlier, goofier issues of the Archie Comics series but more disorganized and thrown together in terms of what it did and didn't include. For bonus confusion points, Knuckles is in the cover of the CD and was heavily featured in the park but isn't in this show, presumably because he wasn't a part of "SatAM" or "AoStH."

You could certainly make the case that such a fast-and-loose approach to continuity effected the quality of "Sonic" tie-in products. A lack of oversight gave the impression of a series without much care put into it, that wasn't exactly worried about quality. The best "Sonic" stuff from this decade – "SatAM," the better Archie issues – saw creative people putting their best effort forward anyway. However, examples like most of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" and the weaker Archie issues suggest much more that most people were not that concerned with making anything but easily digested slop for little kids. "Sonic Live in Sydney" definitely falls into the latter category. Truthfully, this might be one of the bigger examples of the creatives simply not giving a shit about what they were making. The plot for this half-hour, Chuck E. Cheese drama is nonsensical, often changing focus and introducing new elements with little pretense. The characters are simply sketched, their identities often changing in-between scenes, such as when Robotnik decides he's in love with Sally. Or in Tails' overall usefulness to the plot. (Sonic describes him as having "Heart," officially making Tails the Ma-Ti of this Planeteers squad.) 

And why would the crew behind such an ephemeral piece of entertainment put much effort into it? It's not like some overly serious dweeb is going to look back at it twenty-seven years later and try to write about it as if it was a serious piece of performance art, right? Nevertheless, trying to make sense of "Sonic Live in Sydney" is not always easy. Robotnik's freeze ray has a number of different properties that vary as the plot needs them too. How exactly the inhabitants got from Mobius to Australia, seemingly in an airplane, is never explained. For that matter, how do Sonic and the others have any knowledge of Australian culture? There's a pun in here about Ugg Boots, to show you how familiar they are with local culture. What exactly Robotnik's goal is changes several times, a love/sleeping potion is introduced haphazardly, and I swear that bomb blowing up the Harbor Bridge wasn't mentioned until the last minute. Also, Sally Acorn is called a marsupial but that's probably because they don't have chipmunks in Australia. I know, I know, this was designed to be watched by visitor stuffing their faces with overpriced pizza and dried out chicken fingers. Why bother putting any effort into it? I probably wouldn't have either. I'm just saying, you can tell.

The thing that always baffled me about shows like this, with a degree of audience participation, is... How exactly does that work? There are several scenes in this stage show where Sonic or someone calls out to the audience to answer a question or cheer or something. Mostly to shout about being in Australia or whatever. I'm sure the people halfway watching this always gave a very enthusiastic response. However, how exactly are the fictional characters aware of being observed? What do they see? What is the status of the Fourth Wall here? What does Dora observe when she talks to the kids in the other side of the TV? Does she, in-universe, have the ability to receive communications from people on another plane if existence? Or is it all performance? Make it make sense, damn it! I'm sorry that writing about this shit makes me sound schizophrenic sometimes. I guess that is an inevitable result of taking half-assed children's media waaaaaay too seriously. 

All of that aside... Is there any entertainment value to be had from "Sonic Live in Sydney?" Admittedly, this is an example of a piece of "Sonic" media so clearly thrown together that I can't help but be charmed a bit by its mere existence. Don't get me wrong, it's absolute garbage, as substantial as the cardboard plates and cups served in the same cafeteria. However, this thing is ultimately too weird for it not to be a little entertaining. As in "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," you can see the apathetic overhead leading to the writers and directors inserting brief moments that are inappropriate for the little kids. Namely, Sally slapping Robotnik and the villain proclaiming that he likes it. Did Robotnik just admit he's into masochism? In general, the premise of the tubby bad guy – there are a lot of fat jokes here – falling in love with Sally is bizarre. Maybe the writers assumed this must be a Bowser/Princess Peach scenario, where the antagonist has a crush on the good guy's girl. (Who is specifically described as being in love with Sonic, opposed to the more flirtatious relationship the characters usually have.) It's a bit weird is all. 

Then again, considering "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" was clearly the main inspiration for this take on Robotnik, we shouldn't be surprised he's a hopeless romantic and weirdly horny. We don't know the names of a lot of the people responsible for this thing. However, we do have a cast list. Adrian Payne was clearly emulating Long John Baldry, with a conceited and operatic take on the baddie. The result of the voice acting is not so committed. Someone named Tanya Bulmer plays Sally and her accent audibly changes throughout. Sometimes she sounds a bit like a Southern gal, taking that attribute from Bunnie. Other times, her voice is more posh while multiple times the actress' native Australian accent shines through. The same is true of Paula Arundell and Diane Adams, as Sonic and Tails, who often let their Straya slip out. I think Arundell is trying to do a Jaleel White impersonation and... It's energetic, if nothing else. Adams as Tails, however, adapts a shrill and nasally voice that is frankly incredibly annoying. 

But what about those songs, man? Isn't that why we're all here, to marvel at the utterly baffling existence of a "Sonic the Hedgehog" musical? (That isn't "Sonic Underground" anyway.) As you might anticipate, they aren't very good. Did you expect them to be good? "What Are We Waiting For?" is Sonic's big number, in which he rhymes "core" with "core." It's upbeat, I'll say that much. The backing track is strictly Casio-core, which is all the more obvious thanks to bits of the original games' scores being used. As for Robotnik's song, "Give Me Chaos," quickly becomes rather droning and monotonous. It's still better than Sally's big romantic number, "Thank You For Being You." If you watched any underachieving Disney rip-off from this same decade, you'll recognize this same sort of glurgey synth sparkle ballad shit. It's regrettable though not bad enough to be truly offensive, I guess. More generic than anything else.

Out of all the dumb, shitty things I've written about because of this blog, I suppose "Sonic Live in Sydney" is less painful than "The Fight for the Fox Box." It caused me less psychic damage than going through every episode of "Underground" and the songs are, marginally, better. Would I have loved it as a kid? Of course, I would have. Sonic was in it! God, if I had gotten a chance to see Sonic and Sally move around on-stage before my very eyes, five year old me would have vibrated into another dimension from sheer excitement. Would I look back on it with clenched teeth and embarrassment? Oooooh yeah. If a recording of this show emerges from the depths of the internet someday, will I willingly expose myself to it again? We already know the answer to that. It's terrible but, at the same time, "Sonic Live in Sydney" is another example of what weird shit could happen when marketers got ahold of a popular media I.P. Maybe I'll go and watch the "Coming Out of Their Shells" tour next and see if it's more or less painful than this. Well, hoo-roo, mates, this CD left me mad as a cut snake and belongs in the dunny. [4/10]