Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.19: The Mystery of the Missing Hi-tops

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.19: The Mystery of the Missing Hi-tops

Original Air Date: November 4th, 1993

Welcome back to another installment of Hedgehogs Can't Swim Bitches Listlessly About "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog!" In the "The Mystery of the Missing Hi-Tops," Sonic receives news that the town of McGuffin is celebrating a day in his honor. As he arrives, he meets three figures: Harry the Hucker, a shady salesman hocking bootleg Sonic merchandise; Sonnette, an obsessive fan-girl; and Hodgepodge, a speedy rabbit that Sonic used to race with in his younger days. Awakening the next morning, Sonic discovers his nifty hi-tops, which keep his feet from being destroyed by speed friction, are missing. He has to figured out who nabbed his shoes before Robotnik's fleet of death machines arrive in the town.

The "Sonic" franchise, being as inconsistent as it is, has gone back-and-forth on how important Sonic's shoes are to his speedy origins. Seemingly all Sonic media implies his speed was a natural ability he was just born with. Yet the properties of the shoes vary. Since Sonic Team/Sega has no interest in origins, the story behind Sonic's footwear is never expanded on in the games. In early U.S. "Sonic" lore, which weirdly only British media followed, Sonic's shoes reduced friction to the point that he can now run at faster-than-sound speed. He wouldn't be able to go as fast without them, so his speed and his shoes are intrinsically linked. Also in this version, the shoes were made by Robotnik before he became villainous. In the Archie comics, Uncle Chuck makes the sneakers and, while they are said to reduce friction, little attention is paid to them otherwise. "SatAM" packed the shoes with various gadgets, which seemed to imply Uncle Chuck made them, but went no further than that. 

The back-and-forth about Sonic and his shoes continues to this day, as the recent movie pointed out that the hedgehog needed good footwear but otherwise gave them no special properties. I can recall at least one playground rumor, as a child, that said the shoes were what gave Sonic his speed in the first place, though nothing in canon supports this. With "The Mystery of the Missing Hi-Tops," "AoStH" throws their version into the mix. Whether the shoes are made by someone important or not, Sonic burns up his feet quickly without them. Considering how little actual story the "Sonic" games had at this point, I guess it was inevitable that the various spin-offs would focus on minor details like this.

But that's not especially interesting. I'm more intrigued by "The Mystery of the Missing Hi-Tops'" exploration of Sonic's relationship with other Mobians. An early scene has a normal Mobian reporting Sonic's destination back to Robotnik, implying some of the planet's residents prefer the big crazy doctor to the fast hero. Folks like Harry Hucker only see Sonic as a fad to capitalize on, which the hedgehog doesn't much appreciate. Most interesting is Sonette, whose infatuation with Sonic extends to clearly unhinged behavior. She changed her name to be closer to him, breaks into his hotel room to steal from him, and even risks suicide just so he'll rescue her. Sonic is understandably put off by this behavior. Even Hodgepodge hints at some sort of unseen past of Sonic's, before he met Tails or started fighting Robotnik. 

These are all pretty realistic suppositions to make. Of course, Sonic would not be universally beloved and some folks would actually support Robotnik's fascism. Naturally, shady businessmen would try to make money off Sonic's popularity. Logic dictates that a hero of his level would have obsessive fans. And, obviously, Sonic has a past. It only makes sense that his speed would lead to various friendly rivalries, with people who are also very fast. (And if Sonic's speed was just something he was born with, it seems plausible others would be born with that ability too.) In other words, this episode does more world-building than pretty much any other installment of the show and in a surprisingly smooth way.

Unfortunately, all of this world-building seems like it was an accidental side-effect of the episode's goals. As title indicates, this one is a mystery. Sonic has to unravel who stole his shoes. The various guest characters, which do so much to expand on the world, are simply introduced as potential suspects, each with a motivation of their own to steal Sonic's footwear. (Coconuts is also among the suspects, though the most easily discredited.) As a mystery, this is fairly uninvolving, as it's easy to guess which of these potential shoe-nappers are the actual thief. Watching and Sonic and Tails dictate out the responsible party only has so much value, as the audience comes to the same conclusions much quicker. Though the show does earn some points for not cheating in this regard. And I did enjoy the scene of Tails shaking down Hodgepodge for info.

In the past, I've referenced my fondness for stories that force Sonic to use his brains, and not just his speed, to defeat his opponent. "The Mystery of the Missing Hi-Tops" tries to use this idea to its advantage. Sonic feels uncertain about his chances of beating Robotnik's goons without his shoes. He even says he hates using his brains to save the day. Yet every other episode of "AoStH" proves this as clearly bullshit, as Sonic outthinks Robotnik and his henchmen every single time. This episode even has Sonic doing his usual bit of putting on disguises and misdirecting Scratch and Grounder. (Which suggest Sonic's costume changes are not related to his speed.) The writers introduced a character arc they had no intention of actually resolving. Boooo!

Still, just for exploring some natural but new story angles, "The Mystery of the Missing Hi-Tops" deserves points. Though you will get tired of people saying the phrase "hi-tops." This episode also reveals that Sonic and Tails sometimes sleep in the same bed together. Make your own assumptions from that. The anti-stealing "Sonic Sez" segments also reveals that he keeps a wooden cut-out of himself with movable parts around. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.65: Sonically Ever After

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.65: Sonically Ever After

Original Air Date: November 3rd, 1993

Fairy tale parodies were experiencing a Moment in the nineties. Chalk this up to either Disney's renewed popularity at the time or Generation X sarcasm but doing ironic spins on classic stories was very common during my childhood. I think "The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs" was the most popular library book when I was in elementary school. I can recall more than one childhood creative writing assignment where we students were tasked with creating our own "fractured fairy tales." This trend would eventually climax at the end of the decade with "Shrek" and its strings of sequels and rip-offs. Unsurprisingly, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would try out this idea in its final produced episode. (Probably because the writers had exhausted all other ideas by that point.)

Sonic and Tails are doing their usual routine with Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder's – chasing them around and mocking them – when they cross through a park. There, Miss Saccharine from "Musta Been a Beautiful Baby" is reading fairy tales to a group of kids, including Rocket from "Slowwww Going." This is where Robotnik activates his latest weapon, the Portable Portal Transporter, which ends up opening a portal into the fictional world of the fairy tales. After speeding through warped versions of "Hansel and Gretel," "Snow White," and "Cinderella," the trio escapes back into their own world... But end up bringing the fairy tale characters with them, including several villains. Armed with a magic wand, Robotnik proceeds to wreck more havoc. 

Even by 1993, fairy tale parodies were well-trotted ground. (The term "fractured fairy tales" is taken from a segment on "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show," undoubtedly an influence on this show.) So it's unsurprising that "AoStH's" riffs on known tales here are lazy and nonsensical. Sonic and Tails step into the role of Hansel and Gretel, who is renamed Nettle for no particular reason. Robotnik becomes the witch, whose house is now made of chili dogs. "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" becomes "Snow Height and the Seven Squatty Guys." Cause, ya see, Snow White is really tall and ugly. They even sing a bizarre parody of "Whistle While You Work." Cinderella's Fairy Godmother becomes a Marlon Brando-aping Fairy Godfather. Few of these "jokes" make any sense, a trend that is epitomized by the "Jack and the Beanstock" giant being a beatnik. Did kids in the nineties know what beatniks were? No, we didn't. 

Really, it feels like a kid wrote this. Taking a familiar character and swapping out their name with a rhyming phrase, and then building the whole gag around that, is something a five-year-old would do. The closest thing to an actual joke here is that Sonic is familiar with how these classic stories go but Tails is not. Our hedgehog hero has to constantly keep his naïve sidekick from making easily-avoided mistakes. Which feels like it could've been an ironic riff on these familiar stories, if this show had a molecule of brains or effort. Mostly, the biggest joke here is that Snow Height is ugly – the character design is impressively grotesque – and wants Robotnik to kiss him, which grosses the villain out. Despite his disgust, she continues to pursue him. You may recognize this as a direct steal from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?," which was itself referencing an old Tex Avery. 

If you want to read into Robotnik being repulsed by the idea of kissing a woman, feel free to. "Sonically After Ever" is brimming with queer subtext. Sonic dresses in drag, as Rapunzel, and attempts to seduce Robotnik. The two even come very close to kissing. This is followed by a bit where Scratch and Grounder's talk about kissing a toad, who they explicitly identify as male. When transported into "Hansel and Nettle," Tails takes on the traditional female role... Which includes a costume that gives him cleavage. (Let's just ignore the implications of giving the eight-year-old a "sexy" makeover.) He even shouts that he's a girl, for you folks out there with "Tails is Trans" headcanons. Robotnik also assumes the role of the Wicked Witch, a classic drag queen option. This show had assumed a pseudo-queer camp aesthetic from time-to-time but this episode really goes fully into it. 

Once again, Robotnik emerges as the episode's most interesting character. Other incarnations of the doctor despise magic, seeing it as antithetical to his love of technology. (Never mind that all versions of Robotnik utilize the magical Chaos Emeralds.) The "AoStH" version of Robotnik, however, relishes the opportunity to grab a magic wand. He even declares magic superior to robotics at one point. Carrying on his actions from the "Quest for the Chaos Emeralds" arc, he uses it to recreate the world in his twisted image. Once again, a tyrannical desire to establish his rule, his version of control, over a chaotic world emerges as Robotnik's greatest desire.

"Sonically Ever After" was the last episode of "Adventures" produced but aired as the forty-third. So there's no real sense of finality. Robotnik is not defeated and Sonic doesn't save Mobius forever. However, the show creator did include something like a real ending. In the final moments, Sonic is depicted leaping off the cover of a book with the show's name on it. He then says all stories must end but more adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog will arrive. Which was something like a nice way for the show runners to acknowledge that this was the end and also wasn't. (The show then segues into a droll "Sonic Sez" segment about visiting your local library, which ruins what might've been a nice moment.) 

Still, "Sonically Ever After" makes for a fairly lackluster finale. The jokes are lame to the point of almost not existing. The animation and character designs are largely ugly and awkward, including one of the laziest dragon designs I've ever seen. There are moments were this doesn't even feel like a "Sonic" cartoon. Did any kid expect to see lame fairy tale spoofs when tuning in to this show? It's another doofy episode and, despite claims of endings, I still have twenty-two of these left to review. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.06: Sonic Breakout

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.06: Sonic Breakout

Original Air Date: November 2nd, 1993

"Sonic Breakout" does not feature Sonic as a ball bouncing off a paddle, against easily collapsible bricks, but I'm honestly surprised Sega never threw a game like that together. Instead, it begins with Tails eager to pick up the new issue of Crack-Up Magazine, one of those comic books that are actually funny. The issue mocks Robotnik, which naturally enraged the doctor. He kidnaps the artist and locks him in his brand new prison. Sonic intentionally gets himself captured so he can free the guy but Robotnik has built a cell specifically to hold Sonic. Will our hedgehog hero be able to escape this prison? What do you think?

"Sonic Breakout" is the earliest episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" that I've covered in quite a while. Even though it was the forty-second episode to air, it was the sixth produced. I don't know why this episode was held back so long by the syndicators but you can tell it was an early one. In fact, it's maybe the most stock-parts episode yet. This honestly feels more like a pilot than the actual pilot does. Most of its runtime is devoted to Sonic outsmarting Scratch and Grounder in humiliating ways, usually via disguises. Robotnik's tubby appearance is often mocked. The humor is wacky and dumb but not nearly as wacky and dumb as the series would become. Even though there's an annoying supporting character in the form of artist Sketch Lampoon, Sonic and Robotnik's rivalry is still the main focus here. It's an episode all about how cool Sonic is and how ridiculous his enemies are. It feels prototypical in that regard.

Considering how common genre parodies are on this show, I half-expected "Sonic Breakout" to be "AoStH's" prison flick. No, there's no sadistic wardens, inevitable riots, or uncomfortable shower scenes. Instead, the episode just attempts to mine some minor dramatic tension out of Sonic being captured. The idea of our hedgehog getting caught on purpose, as part of a wily scheme, but then finding he's in over his head is a good premise. However, this show being what it is, there's never any doubt Sonic will escape. Naturally, the script cheats in this regard, as Sonic produces an additional copy of Crack-Up to distract Scratch and Grounder and fools a computer targeting system with a poster of himself. 

Just as I'm surprised Sega has never produced an actual Sonic Breakout game, the hedgehog getting captured and trying to escape an impenetrable prison is another good premise for a video game. I guess that would cut down on the series' trademark speed but it would create lots of opportunities for Sonic to swerve around traps. That's what this episode does and it creates a (perhaps unintentional) resemblance to the first game's Scrap Brain Zone. There's all sorts of crushers, stompers, and big spiked balls. This episode also repeatedly compares Robotnik to Humpty-Dumpty, even showing him cracked open like an egg. This was years before Americans started calling him Eggman, so it's a bit of a surprise. 

But it's not funny. Even by the lackadaisical standards of this show, "Sonic Breakout" feels surprisingly joke free. Yeah, Sonic puts on goofy costumes and tricks Scratch and Grounder. He infuriates Robotnik with his wacky antics. Yet these events happen so often that it's hard to say if they even register as humor. Only two instances seem to count as actual jokes to me. Sonic's speediness overwhelms the computer Robotnik has built to operate the prison and track the hedgehog. The computer then drolly comments that he's going to retire to become a cash register, har har. Lastly, the final scene sees Robotnik falling into the exact same pose Crack-Up featured him in. Which would be a nice touch of dramatic irony if everything about this episode didn't seem so tired and lazily executed. 

If I'm struggling to find anything interesting to say about this episode, it's because it's just not that interesting. However, I will say this: Another way you can tell this is an early episode is that Robotnik is still depicted as a would-be dictator. (Instead of as whatever type of bad guy the writers needed him to be this week.) And like all fascists, Robotnik seeks to censor the free press. A cartoon mocking his appearance drives him into such a rage, that he throws the artist into jail. That's some real Kim Jong-un shit right there, though Robotnik makes the guy draw his life story instead of torturing him or feeding him to dogs. This furthers my belief that "AoStH" depicts Robotnik as a tyrant attempting to take over all of Mobius, instead of operating after a "SatAM"-style victory.

Also, this episode's animation is not great. There's several moments were characters awkwardly twitch for a few seconds. For a show about a hyper-fast character, it's also a strangely stationary half-hour. Sonic spends most of the show chained up, so there's less running than usual. (The Sonic Sez segment also features an anti-graffiti message, seven years before Sega would make a video game all about how graffiti is fucking cool.) It's a really phoned-in episode that makes me feel nothing but boredom, I guess is what I'm saying. I'm surprised I managed to squeeze 898 words out of this one. [4/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.44: Untouchable Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.44: Untouchable Sonic

Original Air Date: November 1st, 1993

After the ambitious Quest for the Chaos Emeralds four-parter, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would immediately get back to business as usual. While zooming around the globe, Sonic and Tails run into Mobius Corners, a small town where the local residents seem very afraid. Stopping into the local diner, they soon learn Robotnik has been running a protection racket with robots as his enforcers. Sonic immediately cleans out the goons and Robotnik sends Scratch and Grounder in to continue the scheme. Aligned with Burt Who – the town's cook, mayor, and sheriff – and his waitress Roxy, Sonic naturally takes the fight right back to Robotnik. 

In theory, "Untouchable Sonic" is a parody of gangster stories. The title is, after all, taken by Elliot Ness' mob-stomping cop squad and the TV show and movie they inspired. Unlike the previous episode goofing on westerns, this one never commits to the theme. Aside from the barebones protection racket plot, and Scratch and Grounder and Robotnik's other robo-goons wearing colorful fedoras and suits, the episode utilizes none of the other tropes of the classic crime movie genre. Otherwise, the show degrades towards its usual antics, of Sonic putting on disguises and fooling his goofball opponents, immediately. There's not even a cheesy Edward G. Robison voice in there somewhere, which really surprised me. 

There might be a cultural reason why "AoStH" whiffed so hard on the gangster element. The Sonic Sez segment carries an anti-gang message, which points towards the general cultural fear around kids joining gangs in the early nineties. (Which was probably as much a low-key racist moral panic about gangsta rap as it was anything else.) The attitude of the day was that gangs were nothing to make light of. Which begs the question of why the writers wanted to spoof "The Untouchables" anyway... Other than laziness and boomer nostalgia, which is usually the answer this show brings to mind.

Of course, that Sonic Sez segment is hideously tone-deaf. It involves Scratch and Grounder trying to intimidate some protection money out of people before Sonic monologues to the camera about how you'll go to jail if you join a gang so stay in school instead, kids. (This is, by my count, the third "Stay in school!" moral Sonic has delivered.) That doesn't really address the difficult cultural/economic circumstances that led most inner-city kids towards crime. Not that the "gangs" of the early 90s in anyway resembled the gangster movie stereotypes of the 30s and 40s. So the whole thing just comes off as horribly confused and wrong-headed.

But anyway... Aside from just being an incredibly half-assed homage, there's another reason "Untouchable Sonic" doesn't really work: You never care about the town Robotnik is exploiting. The only characters we actually meet in the town are Burt Who and Roxy. Burt is little more than a walking joke, as his last name and multiple professions set-up several easy gags. We learn absolutely nothing about Roxy, making the kiss she shares with Sonic at the end even more baffling. (This show really made Sonic into a bit of a man-whore, didn't it?) We learn so little about the town and its residents, giving us little reason to be invested in their struggle against Robotnik. I know this is just a twenty-one minute cartoon but I've seen shows in the same area pull off the more before. 

The biggest question "Untouchable Sonic" left me with is one I've asked before: What the hell kind of villain is Robotnik supposed to be anyway? Here, he acts as a simple gangster, using thugs to drain small-town people out of petty cash. This is certainly at-odds with his previous depictions as a would-be dictator, mad scientist, evil businessman, or time-traveling supervillain. I guess the obvious answer here is that the writers saw Robotnik as an all-purpose bad guy that could be slotted into any sort of villainous plot. But it certainly is weird to see him collecting magical relics or building physics-bending doom weapons in one episode and intimidating small business owners in the next. 

But "AoStH" was a weird show. Another weird element here is the introduction of two Badniks from the first game. Roller and Ball Hog are the initial enforcers Robotnik uses in Mobius Corners. They barely resemble their video game counterparts. They both wear suits, of course. Though he snorts like a pig, Ball Hog has a bird beak on his face. Roller looks more reptilian than the weird armadillo thing he's supposed to be in the game. Aside from Ball Hog pulling a bomb out of his jacket and Roller rolling into a ball for a split second, they might as well be original characters. (Their voices and behavior also resembles Bebop and Rocksteady more than a little.) Still, it is sort of neat when recognizable video game elements crop up on this show. 

"Untouchable Sonic" is also notable for re-using footage from the pilot... But not in the way you're probably expecting. Considering the pilot really isn't that different from the show it birthed, you'd expect the writers to integrate that footage into a story. Instead, the pilot scenes are shown as something Scratch and Grounder are watching on TV. How are we supposed to interpret that? Does this mean there's a scripted television program on Mobius inspired by Sonic's battles against Robotnik? Or was this simply news program footage of a previous adventure? If so, why do Scratch and Grounder spend a solid two minutes watching a previous humiliation of their boss? I'm kind of guessing that the episode was just running a bit short, so the writers or animators or whoever padded it out with some pre-existing footage. But it raises so many questions that this dumb-ass show is not prepared to answer!

Anyway, I've rambled on way too long about this one. "Untouchable Sonic" is a typical lazy, half-assed episode of this show, notable only for its weird quirks and not for any of its actual creative qualities. It's bad. Don't watch it. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.51: Prehistoric Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.51: Prehistoric Sonic

Original Air Date: October 29th, 1993

Here we are at the final part of the Quest for the Chaos Emeralds saga. While I'm not sure I saw much of this storyline as a kid, I can definitely recall seeing the grand finale. As I've said in the past, even as a little kid, I was somewhat dismissive of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." I watched it and liked it but that's because Sonic was in it. I was a pretentious child, so obviously I preferred the serious storytelling of "SatAM." But "Prehistoric Sonic" made an impression on me and, at the time, I remember wishing more "Sonic" media had this kind of scope and ingenuity. (Though I didn't verbalize like that, on account of being five.)

So let's summarize this bitch: Sonic and Tails are back on the beach, where a quartet of literal bikini beach bunnies are using Sonic as a volleyball. (Weird kink, Sonic, but okay.) Dr. Caninestein appears with his latest time machine modification –  its a skateboard now –  and tells Sonic to go back to prehistoric days. That's where the Chaos Emerald of Life is located. Robotnik, having escaped the last trap Sonic stuck him in, arrives at the same time. After the required fight with dinosaurs and appeasing a volcano god, Robotnik successfully retrieves the stone. With the power to bring anything to life, he defeats Sonic long enough to get a head start. Heading back through time, Robotnik gathers the other three Emeralds. In the present, he unites the stones and becomes a god-like entity. While their enemy is seemingly unstoppable, Sonic and Tails devises a clever plan to even the playing field a little. 

In the final part of Quest for the Chaos Emeralds, "AoStH" achieves something I never would've thought possible: It becomes genuinely kind of epic. After uniting the stones, Robotnik becomes a disturbingly buff giant with freakish fingernails, a previously unnoted benefit of combining the Emeralds. He immediately has all of Mobius worshipping him as a god and tosses Sonic and Tails back to the beginning of time. Only Sonic and Tails retrieving past versions of themselves, forming a ten strong super team, is enough to defeat him. If you don't worry about the logic of this or the paradoxes it causes –  the various Sonics touch each other in a huddle, so I guess the "Timecop" rules don't apply here –  that's pretty badass. I never would've guessed a show that's usually dumb and lazy could conjure up a comic book spectacle like of this level. Considering "SatAM" used its own time travel arc just to explore its own backstory, I'm not sure any other "Sonic" cartoon could've pulled off a plot of this scope. 

In fact, several moments throughout "Prehistoric Sonic" feel so serious, I almost can't believe it. Robotnik has to sacrifice something of value to a volcano god in order to earn the Soul Stone Chaos Emerald of Life. (This is not a steal from Marvel, as the comic book Soul Stone has a way more convoluted origin than what they did in the movie. So who ripped off who is the question, I guess.) He viciously tosses in Scratch and Grounder without a moment's thought. After creating some magma men to fight Sonic, Robotnik even says the word "kill!" Later, while grabbing the Emerald of Invincibility, Scratch and Grounder physically threaten Gwendolyn with death. How is this the same show that did a whole episode about hot dog people? 

As serious as "Prehistoric Sonic" gets, the show's trademark goofiness is still present. Writer Jeffrey Scott casually breaks the rules he previously established. Robotnik does not need to be king to use the Invincibility Emerald, as he just snatches it off Arfur and uses it freely. Robotnikhotep does not crumble into dust after Robotnik takes the Immortality Emerald, allowing Sonic to unravel the mummy. Enemies do not collapse against the High Supreme Robotnik when physically attacking him, as they previously did. (Then again, considering Robotnik's not wearing Arfur's crown, maybe the invincibility stone isn't working correctly. But I'm not giving this show that much credit.) And Sonic can just do whatever the fuck he wants. After Robotnik throws him and Tails into the volcano, spin-dashes upward through the air, as if flying. How can he do that? Because "Fuck you, physics!" But I don't know why Sonic and Tails were worried about the lava, as Scratch and Grounder later crawl out of the volcano, unharmed. 

I am, of course, thinking about it way too hard. In fact, "AoStH's" complete disregard of logic and reason works in its favor this time. Upon arriving in prehistoric days, Robotnik and his gang encounter dinosaurs. Because dinosaurs are awesome. Robotnik then uses his Robo-Transmogrifier to turn a T-Rex and a pterodactyl into robots. Because robot dinosaurs are the only thing awesome-er than regular dinosaurs. Sonic later rides upon the Robo-Rex's back, spinning him into a giant, Sonic-style Buzzsaw. Sure, it doesn't make sense but who cares? The Rule of Cool wins here. I love the idea that anything Sonic touches instantly gets Sonic-like properties. Other touches in the episode also amuse. Such as a clan of caveman teddy bears - cave bears, if you will - or the Big Bang being triggered by an enormous stick of dynamite. This show really should have used its elastic cartoon logic for outrageous over-the-top fun like this more often.

You'll notice that the above is a lot to squeeze into twenty-one minutes. And it is. By the time the gang of Sonics and Tailses arrive in the present, there's only a few minutes left to whoop the Supreme High Robotnik's supreme high ass. After the other Sonics promise to return the Chaos Emeralds to their prior owners, and destroy the time machine afterwards, the episode abruptly ends. We need time for the Sonic Sez segment on electrical safety, after all. The fact that Scott could've squeeze all that plot into one episode is pretty impressive actually. But I wish DiC or Bohbot or whoever could've allowed one more episode for this story arc, to really give the climax the proper amount of time it needs. Any story where normal heroes defeat a god-like opponent unavoidably ends up feeling a little anticlimactic. But this showdown definitely would've benefited from a little more breathing room. 

It's also interesting that, out of all the superpowers the show could've assigned the final Chaos Emerald, that they went with the Power of Life. Unassisted time travel or reality warping abilities probably would've made more sense. Yet would those powers be as attractive to Robotnik? Throughout this show, and really in every incarnation, Robotnik is obsessed with creating life. He wants to make robots that are better than flesh-and-bone creatures. This is part of his desire to recreate the world in his tyrannical vision, to make everything loyal to him. (And, in "AoStH," absolutely stems from the lack-of-control he felt during his abusive childhood.) The ability to turn literally anything into a living, breathing weapon or slave is perhaps his ultimate desire. And this is why he hates Sonic, whose naturally chaotic nature makes him unwilling to obey rules, so much. But for one brief moment, Robotnik achieves that goal, of being a god-like entity capable of absolute rule, that can bend anyone or anything to his twisted will.

I'm certain Jeffrey Scott or anybody else working on "AoStH" didn't think it through that much. "Prehistoric Sonic," epic as it is, is still undeniably sloppy. Yet I still admire the show for pulling this off at all. I'm not done watching the show yet but I'm certain this will be "AoStH" high-point. When Ian Flynn was cannibalizing this show for the comic's reboot, I really wish he could've pulled ideas from this story arc. Comics is where a story of this ambition and scope truly could've flourished. As it stands now, "Prehistoric Sonic" is a highly entertaining and shockingly ambitious climax to a highly uneven four-parter. [7/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 38

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 38

Publication Date: March 24th, 2021

I commented on this in my last IDW "Sonic" where I'm not just enjoying reading it, I'm actively curious about where it'll head next. Issue 37 ended on a really interesting point, having set up some wild ideas. I'm happy to say that issue 38 happily plays off that set-up. This story arc is going in some truly unexpected directions and it feels like it's been a while since I've said that about a "Sonic" book. 

"Test Run Part 2" picks up where we left off last time. Sonic, Tails, and Amy are still trapped inside the ever-expanding pocket dimension Eggman has built for themselves. After breaking the boundaries of this artificial environment, the trio believes they've found a way out... But instead enter into another obviously created environment. When Cubot and Orbot inform Eggman of this, he's actually pleased. He decides to really use the situation to his full advantage. Meanwhile, Tangle and Belle sneak into the control room of the base and the little puppet makes an unnerving discovery. 

Once again, this comic book continues to play out as something I didn't expect: A "Sonic" horror story. After Sonic, Tails, and Amy cross a portal into the second layer of the pocket dimension, they are faced with a seemingly mundane town. Yet the streets are empty. Everything about the place is disquietingly artificial. When the trio enter a seemingly ideal suburban home, they find it populated with lifeless dolls. Lots of films and TV shows have subverted the "constructed community" aspect of suburban life for uncanny creepiness. But I really didn't expect a "Sonic" comic to go down that path. 

And rather effectively too. When Sonic and friends enter the home, there's a panel of them slowly creaking a door open. The blankly staring test dummies are always bathed in shadows, to emphasize their uncanny quality. You can't tell me this stuff wasn't meant to be spooky. Stanley adds to this already unreal situation by later piling on the delightful surrealism. The heroes encounter a badnik, a giant Caterkiller with a mouthful of mandibles... In a bathtub. Just going for a swim, I guess. It's weird and funny and suitably dream-like. This continues when Eggman starts communicating with Sonic via the toaster and other mundane kitchen tools. Or weirder badniks, mashed together from different machines, appear. Stanley decided to embrace the oddness of this situation and it's really working for me. 

These issues, so far, are kind of a reversal of what I experienced with Stanley's last story arc. "Chao Chases and Badnik Bases" didn't have much in the way of new ideas but was redeemed by some truly lovable character writing. "Test Run" is inserting far-out and fun ideas into the comic while the characters - at least among the Sega cast - have been fairly simplistic. Sonic is the sarcastic, speedy hero. Tails is the smart one, who unfurls an especially loquacious ream of technobabble early on. Amy is Sonic's girly sidekick, who takes time to comment on how tacky Eggman's interior design is. They are reduced to archetypes, which works fine for this story. Though they definitely feel less complex than when Flynn writes them. 

This is only true of the game-based characters, which can't help but make me wonder if Sega had something to do with this choice. Belle and Tangle's interaction continues to be a lot richer. Belle discovers the truth that we, the reader, have known from the minute we met her. She's a badnik. Seeing the Eggman symbol on the base wall unnerves her. After accidentally falling into the path of some Egg Pawns, they simply nod and keep going. The comic is still reluctant to actually have Belle name Eggman as her creator. (Which may or may not be foreshadowing some sort of twist, though that's seeming increasingly unlikely.) 

Belle is so distraught about learning this information that she even tells Tangle she'll allow herself to be smashed, if that's what badniks deserve. Tangle, being a true bro, doesn't even worry about it. And this is why I love Tangle so much. She is accepting and loving, always seeing someone's best side. It's why she was such a cute pairing with Whisper, someone with a lot of baggage and guilt. Tangle doesn't give a shit about any of that stuff. If you're a good friend to her, she'll be a good friend to you. I'm intrigued to see if this growing bond with Belle will be tested in future issues. 

Stanley does the art for the Belle/Tangle scenes herself. Stanley's strength for expressions and detail is put to good use her. Part of why Belle's emotional moments work so well is because you really grasp her feelings from how Stanley draws her. Colorist Bracardi Curry makes his line art debut with the Sonic/Tails/Amy scenes. Curry, thus far, hasn't really distinguished himself. His work is very similar to a couple other "Sonic" artists and I assumed it was one of them at first. It's still good. The lines are clean, the faces are good, the action is coherent. But Curry doesn't seem to have developed a distinct style just yet. 

Once again, I'm left wanting more. Stanley has cooked up a genuinely novel situation for Sonic and friends to fight their way out of, and I want to see where that'll go. Meanwhile, the conflict that I've suspected will be built around Belle seems to be formulating. Good stuff! Honestly, a mix of unpredictable surrealism and involving character work is a balance this comic should utilize more often. [8/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.50: Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.50: Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme

Original Air Date: October 28, 1993

In case you were wondering how much my younger self fit the socially withdrawn nerd stereotype, I too was an Egypt kid. While it never burned as bright as many of my other fixations and fascinations, I always thought ancient Egyptian culture and mythology was pretty cool and spent a lot of time reading about it as a kid. I may or may not have even kept an ankh keychain on my backpack in fifth grade. Regardless of what this says about my social standing among my peers, I think lots of kids go through an Egypt phase. Which may be why the third episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog's" Quest for the Chaos Emeralds arc was set in ancient Egypt... Sort of. 

In a surprising bit of continuity, this episode begins right where the last one left off: Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder dropped into a Roman coliseum while still locked in their medieval stocks. They escape quickly, jump in the time machine, and head back to ancient Mobigypt. There, Robotnik attempts to interrupt Sonic's ancestor, Masonic the humble bricklayer, from falling in love with a female hedgehog named Penelope. His very existence threatened, Sonic goes back in time with Dr. Caninestein's new time traveling boogie board. Once insuring that his great^x100 grandfather scores, Sonic gets down to the business of stopping Robotnik from retrieving the Chaos Emerald of Immortality. 

This is why I said this episode was sort of set in ancient Egypt. Much like the King Arthur episode, "AoStH" presents a goofy, Sonic-ified funny animal version of our Earthly past. (Humans and animal people do not seem to have integrated at this point in Mobius history, as Robotnik and his ancestors are the only people present.) Aside from the trappings of pyramids, mummies, and eyeliner, there's no attempt to blend actual Egyptian history into Sonic's world. Sonic's ancestor being named "Masonic" is a cute pun but off by a couple hundred years. While Scratch later dresses as the properly Egyptian Horus, Grounder is dressed like a Lamassu, a creature from Sumerian mythology. There's a gag about a flying carpet, which is an Arabian thing. At one point, Robotnik's chariot spouts spikes from its wheels, a "Ben-Hur" reference. "Ben-Hur," by the way, is set around the crucifixion of Christ, about a thousand years after ancient Egypt as we think of it. Masonic and Penelope – a Greek name – get married in a very Christian-like ceremony. Not that I'd expect accuracy from this show – chili dog stands also existed in ancient Mobigypt – but writer Jeffrey Scott really didn't do his research. 

I will give Scott credit for introducing the Grandfather Paradox into this dumbass kids show. At the episode's beginning, Caninestein warns Sonic that his ancestors are disappearing, Marty McFly-style. After Sonic goes back in time, he accidentally cockblocks his great^x100 grandfather and briefly fades out of existence. Which is a pretty wild theoretical concept for Scott to introduce to kids. The show kind of looks like it might be going down the "Futurama" route, since Sonic sets his eyes on Penelope first and he looks almost identical to Masonic. (Jaleel White voices both, only pitching his voice up slightly for Masonic.) That probably would've blown the kids' minds too much, so Scott is satisfied playing with events in the past affecting events in the future. 

If the idea of Sonic's ancestors absolutely having to get together to ensure the future is safe gives you predeterminism vibes, we're not done yet. While dropped into Ancient Rome, Robotnik encounters his identical ancestor, Julius Robotnik. (Who, in a good gag, is also a huge asshole.) Obviously, Masonic and Sonic are almost indistinguishable. The tomb of Robotnikhotep not only contains Robotnik's mummified ancestor but a mummified counterpart for Sonic too. The final gag of the episode reveals a blue hedgehog fought in a World War I-like setting as well. Is the entirety of Mobius history made up of mustachioed, rotund men and fast blue hedgehogs fighting? Was Julius Robotnik dethroned by a rebelling slave named Sonicacus? Is Sonic and Robotnik's rivalry simply the latest chapter of a conflict that has been playing out for thousands of years? All signs seem to point to "yes." Scott does not explore the ramifications of this reveal but it is certainly an interesting one. 

These are not the only far-out ideas "Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme" causally throws around. Previously, I stated two Chaos Emeralds having the power of Invincibility and Immortality seemed a little redundant. This episode depicts the immortal Robotnikhotep as physically impossible to harm, similar to the effects of the Invincibility Emerald. Yet he's also clarified as living forever, untouchable even to age, which seems to be the distinction. Interestingly enough, the episode also depicts immortality as a curse. Upon handing Robotnik the emerald, Robotnikhotep thanks him before crumbling into dust. The joke here seems to be that Robotnikhotep has spent entirely being pestered by the unnamed Sonic mummy, and is thus thankful for the escape of oblivion. But it's a pretty dark idea to introduce into a kids show, that death is good and living forever sucks. 

As if this episode wasn't random enough, Scott also chooses this setting to introduce more elements from the original "Sonic" game. The interior of Robotnikhotep's pyramid is patterned after "Sonic 1's" Marble Zone. Huge stone weights and giant spikes platforms fall from the ceilings of the pyramid's stone tunnels. At one point, Sonic and friends must push a stone block onto a river of lava and float atop it. (This further muddles the historical setting, as the Marble Zone was based on Greek architecture.) Later, Sonic's mummy lookalike gives him a magical blue shield to protect him against Robotnik, similar to the classic shield power-up. Lastly, there's even a moment where Scratch and Grounder have to grab gold rings... Is this, the fiftieth episode, the first time "AoStH" has referenced the Power Rings, that most iconic of classic "Sonic" elements? What took 'em so long?

Lastly, I must note that this episode is also pretty horny. After all, ensuring Sonic's ancestor gets laid is a prominent plot point. By now, it's clear that each of these episodes will start with Sonic trying to score some strange on the beach. While attempting to impress a Miss Possum lookalike in a bikini, Dr. Caninestein appears to distract Sonic, which the hedgehog is pretty pissed about. In Ancient Mobigypt, Scratch dresses in drag in an attempt to seduce Masonic. He even asks the hedgehog is he wants to "lay some bricks," an innuendo suggestive enough to get this scene cut from the Toon Disney reruns. And because this show can never be not-freaky, a minor character's feet is tickled with a feather and Robotnik and friends are later mummified. I swear, I'm not a pervert, this show is.

While it's hard to say if "Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme" is a funny episode or not, it's certainly too bizarre and interesting to be dismissed either. If nothing else, it's a big step-up from "The Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table." Will the Quest for the Chaos Emeralds conclude in a suitably epic/gonzo fashion? Hurry back soon to find out. [7/10]