MEMORIES: Sega Genesis

(Today, I'm trying something a little different here at Hedgehogs Can't Swim. Some of you are probably aware of my other blog. Film Thoughts, devoted to movie reviews and film related essays, recently crossed 1000 posts. Over there, I have a reoccurring feature called Memories. They're long, nostalgic essays about something vaguely film-related. Today's Memories essay is about the Sega Genesis. Considering the crossover between these two blogs, I decided to post it here as well. The comic reviews will be back on Friday.)

 
Video games are huge business these days and I do not care. The most recent game system I own is an X-Box 360, which I bought exclusively to play “Marvel vs. Capcom III.” I haven’t turned on the system in probably over a year, to the point I unplugged it from my TV, wrapped it up in its cords, and hid it away somewhere. But it wasn’t always that way. As a kid in the early nineties, I saw video game systems as the ultimate status symbol. When I was very young, there was an NES in the house. However, it was designated as belonging to the family and was mostly played by my older sister. (That is until a pet cat chew through one of the cords, rendering the system unplayable.) A friend of mine owned a Super Nintendo, which I coveted greatly. However, there was one game system which I desired more then any other: The Sega Genesis, known overseas as the Megadrive.

The reasons why I lusted after the Genesis so much are easy to determine. Sega’s advertisements positioned the Genesis as a hipper, edgier console over its competition. In truth, the Super Nintendo had a stronger graphics card, more memory, better sound, and a library of games filled with genuine classics. That didn’t matter to five year old Zack Clopton back in 1993. I totally bought every line about Blast Processing, every promise that Sega does what Nintendon’t. The goal of these commercials was to make the Genesis seem like the badass of the home console world. Nintendo, meanwhile, was for babies. It worked, at least on me.

Yet even that wasn’t the real reason why I desired a Genesis. Last week, the internet celebrated the 25th anniversary of Sonic the Hedgehog. As a kid, I was obsessed with Sega’s blue mascot with ‘tube. The comic book and cartoon shows fostered such a love for the character and his world, one that shamefully continues to this day, that I had to start a whole other blog to figure out why. I happily consumed the comics and loved the Saturday morning series but knew Sonic began his life as a video game character. For years, I only played the games at a friend's home or in store display room. Finally, in 1995 at the age of seven, I received a Genesis for Christmas. Afterwards, I spent hours playing many of the “Sonic” games, with the second one quickly emerging as my favorite.

You’ll notice that this blog isn’t called “Video Game Thoughts.” Back in the mid-nineties, I didn’t read reviews. Magazines and probably even some early websites existed devoted to parsing out which video games were good and which were crap. Nowadays, I know that video games based off of movies or television shows are not traditionally well regarded. When I was a kid, I was drawn to games inspired by film. What young cinema fan wouldn’t be? Who wouldn’t love a chance to play through their favorite movies or shows?  Naturally, I wound up with quite a few digital adaptations of cinematic creations. Some of these games, I would later realize, weren’t very good. Back then, I would play them over and over again, mining hours of entertainment from products of sometimes questionable quality.

Such as, for example, the video game based off “The Pagemaster.” The film, which I’m a fan of, was a box office flop in its day. I don’t think the video game was much more widely seen. As a kid, I liked the opening level, which took place in a spooky castle, featuring lots of ghosts and skulls. Playing the game as an adult, I realize the controls are slippery, the game mechanics are sometimes confusing, and the level designs are non-intuitive. Not everything you enjoyed as a kid will stand up to scrutiny as an adult. This is the sort of lesson you have to learn when you’re a nostalgia addict.

Some of those Sega games, on the other hand, hold up alright. The Disney Animated Features of the day were often accompanied by video game adaptations. While these rarely stand as crowning achievements for the art form, a few of them weren’t too bad. “Aladdin” is actually one of the best selling games for the Genesis. The game play is often repetitive but the artwork is vibrant and the action is exciting enough. Mostly, I just loved revisiting the film’s world and being able to see more of it. The same could be said of “The Lion King” game, also developed by Virgin Interactive. By switching between Simba as a cab and an adult, the game provided some variety. The stages, which included the elephant graveyard and the wildebeest stampede, could become very intense. Even the weaker levels did their best to recreate the film’s gorgeous artwork.

Of course, not all of the Sega games with the Disney brand were that good. “The Jungle Book” is a solid enough platformer. It’s also has colorful, faithful graphics. However, the difficulty level was a bit too steep for me as a kid. There are so many enemies that your health meter is quickly drained. At least Mogwli’s 16 bit adventure was more memorable then “The Little Mermaid” game. I mostly recall the confusingly laid out stage and lack of weapons in that game. “The Beauty and the Beast” game, meanwhile, only sticks with me because I could never make it pass the first level. I’ve never had especially admirable gaming skills but I don’t feel the need to revisit these cartridges too often.

When “Toy Story” came out in 1995, it naturally was accompanied by a video game adaptation. The Sega port did an okay job of copying the film’s computer graphics, to the best of the Genesis’ ability. The game often changed format, including a first person perspective on one level and a driving level with terrible controls. Despite that, I still wanted the “Toy Story” video game so much. That December, it was on all the Christmas wish lists sent out to each family member. On the 25th, my dear grandmother happily handed me a wrapped gift shaped like a Genesis box. I unwrapped the package to find… The Sega Genesis game “Toys,” based off the Robin Williams’ movie of the same name. As debatable as the film’s merits are, the game is far worst. That Christmas represents one of the earliest times I can recall being forced to swallow my disappointment and smile at a gift I didn't want.

I frequently played two Sega Genesis games that were based off at-the-time popular cartoon shows that were, nevertheless, built around film references. This made perfect sense for “Animaniacs,” as the show usually parodied both new and classic movies. That video game, by the way, is alright. Being able to switch between the three Warner siblings, each one with a different ability, is mildly innovative. The artwork, meanwhile, is colorful and memorable. I especially loved the horror movie inspired stage. “Garfield: Caught in the Act” also featured a horror stage. The graphics weren’t as bold but they still featured a handful of amusing sights. That game wasn’t nearly as interesting, being a far more standard platformer. I was never able to beat it due to a glitch in the third stage, where the boss just leaves the game.

As I’ve mentioned before, sometimes just browsing the video game section at a video rental place was an experience unto itself. I usually stuck to titles I was familiar with. My local video store had a fairly small Sega Genesis selection and rarely got in new games. This meant I would often rent the same titles over and over again. This was how I was able to master “Dynamite Headdy” before I even owned a couple. Occasionally, my hand would hover over a movie-related game repeatedly without ever renting it. “Moonwalker” intrigued me but I wasn’t a big enough Michael Jackson fan to ever take that plunge. “Toxic Crusaders,” meanwhile, mildly interested me. Even as a kid though, I kind of suspected that video game sucked. When I played the game years later, that assumption was proven correct. “Moonwalker,” meanwhile, is a mildly entertaining game, worth playing if only for its bizarre novelty value.

I still have my original Sega Genesis, by the way. It’s a model two that still functions perfectly. Today, you can take a brand new video game system out of the box and it’ll die immediately. Back in the nineties, you could throw one down the stairs and you’d still be able to plug it in and play it. Occasionally, I even acquire a game I never had as a kid. “Splatterhouse 2” was probably too explicitly gory and creepy for my childhood eyes. As an adult, I love the way it mashes up different eighties horror flicks, essentially creating a video game where Jason Voorhees fights the Evil Dead. “RoboCop vs. Terminator,” meanwhile, I didn’t even knew existed back then. That game is fun too, though far from perfect. Again, there’s something to be said about getting to see RoboCop blast away legions of T-800s. It’s certainly something you’ll never see in a movie.

I know this wasn’t the most insightful Memories essay. Much like playing them, writing about video games is a tricky art form. The truth is, outside of the titles I mentioned here, I didn’t play that many other Genesis games. I didn’t play classics of the system like “Gunstar Heroes” or “Castlevania: Bloodlines” until I was much older. (Sorry, I couldn’t find a way to connect childhood favorites like “Battletoads & Double Dragon” or “Eternal Champions” to this blog’s theme.) The quality of the games wasn’t always sterling but the Genesis and its many titles remain a source of nostalgia for me. While many people love “Dark Souls” or “Overwatch,” I wouldn’t even know what to do with those. A bit of the ol’ Blast Processing and that simple black box were always enough for me.

In the beginning... There was Sonic

“Does the Internet really need another “Sonic the Hedgehog” website?” I ask myself now. Over the course of nearly twenty years, over fifty games, and myriad of multi-media merchandise, crossovers, and spin-offs, the “Sonic the Hedgehog” franchise has inspired a lot of inane internet babble. So, is more necessary? You could fill several very large, spelling error riddled tomes with all the message board chatter concerning the little blue hedgehog. Is the internet really big enough for two twenty something man-children obsessed with Sonic? Isn’t it enough that I all ready have one blog I ignore?

Yes. Yes, it is. While many have gone where I am about to go before, few have done it well. That’s the mission statement here at “Hedgehogs Can’t Swim.” To be nerdy about Sonic in a way that’s at least halfway coherent, occasionally intelligent, and maybe clever or insightful every once in a while. Inspired by William Tsutsui’s “Godzilla on My Mind” and Rob Kelly’s “Aquaman Shrine,” both literate, thoughtful, sincere fan boy homages to two other, perhaps equally maligned pop culture icons, I set out to blaze my own path in the world of nerd brain housekeeping.

But let’s go back to the beginning, shall we?

I am a “Sonic the Hedgehog” nerd. Obviously. I’ve been since I was three years old and, like a cartoon hedgehog racing towards a goal post, I’ve never stopped. Despite what you may have heard, it was never cool and it was certainly never "way past cool." I was there before the internet subcultures adopted the franchise to their own seedy uses. I was there before the games became awful, before the fan base became unpleasable, before video gaming itself became a massive pillar of pop culture. Before all of that, I was a “Sonic the Hedgehog” nerd.

Honestly, my fandom for the furry blue one goes back so far, I don’t even remember how it started. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t a Sonic fan. My first vivid memory of him involves catching the 1993 ABC Saturday Morning Preview the Friday night it premiered.

I remember the kids from “Step By Step” sitting down to watch an episode of SatAM and being glued to my seat. It’s tempting to say my mania for everything Sonic started with SatAM. It certainly intensified my growing fandom, but it wasn’t the beginning. Why would I be so excited for a “Sonic” cartoon unless I was all ready a fan? When I asked my mother about this, about why, when, and how I first became a fan, she simply said, “You just always liked that fast, little blue, cool guy.” That may be true, but it’s not exactly insightful.

It wasn’t the games that hooked me first. I grew up in a part of the country that has been in an economic freefall for the last fifty years. As a child, my mother worked very hard to make sure my sister and I never went without anything we needed. But money was tight, at least in the beginning, and we often went without things we wanted. Video gaming consoles were, and still are, an expensive hobby that we simply couldn’t afford. I didn’t get a Sega Genesis and my first Sonic game until 1996, when that generation of console gaming was well on its way out. Yes, I played the games and experienced the Blast Processing first hand at friend’s houses, but, to tell the truth, I wasn’t, nor have I ever been, particularly good at video games. I fail pretty hard in that department.

So the How and When of my fandom’s genesis (Har.) remains a mystery, lost in the hazy mist of childhood days long since past. But what about the why? Why Sonic? Why not Mario, an even bigger video game icon whose current games are certainly better and arguably always have been? We had a Nintendo Entertainment System and a copy of “Super Mario Bros. 3” long before I ever got my sweaty little hands on a Genesis controller. Why not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Ranges, Spider-Man, comic books, anime, Universal Monster movies, action figures, Ghostbusters, Highlander, Transformers, Star Trek, or any number of other things I enjoy as a child? Why does Sonic get the blog and everything else I’ve loved get left to other people to chronicle and obsess over?

Was it the contempt for authority and ecological subtext that appealed to me? The bright colors, fast graphics, and intentionally simple character designs? Did I enjoy being a part of a quickly growing, now sprawling, fictional universe? Was it just me getting swept up in the kid friendly zeitgeist of the moment? Probably all of those things. But why am I still a fan? Why do I still play the games, read the comics, and spend way more time then any adult male should ever spend thinking about these things? Am I just being nostalgic for simpler childhood days? Does my lack of legitimate life experiences force me to go over again and again the pop culture debris I’ve consumed over the course of twenty-two years? Am I just a really massive Aspie nerd who relates to a cartoon animal way more then he does to other people?

Yes, yes, and probably, a little bit, yes. However I got here, I’m here to stay, at least for a while.

My name is Zack, this is “Hedgehogs Can’t Swim,” and I’m here to talk about goddamn Sonic the Hedgehog.