Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.65: Sonically Ever After

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.65: Sonically Ever After

Original Air Date: November 3rd, 1993

Fairy tale parodies were experiencing a Moment in the nineties. Chalk this up to either Disney's renewed popularity at the time or Generation X sarcasm but doing ironic spins on classic stories was very common during my childhood. I think "The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs" was the most popular library book when I was in elementary school. I can recall more than one childhood creative writing assignment where we students were tasked with creating our own "fractured fairy tales." This trend would eventually climax at the end of the decade with "Shrek" and its strings of sequels and rip-offs. Unsurprisingly, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would try out this idea in its final produced episode. (Probably because the writers had exhausted all other ideas by that point.)

Sonic and Tails are doing their usual routine with Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder's – chasing them around and mocking them – when they cross through a park. There, Miss Saccharine from "Musta Been a Beautiful Baby" is reading fairy tales to a group of kids, including Rocket from "Slowwww Going." This is where Robotnik activates his latest weapon, the Portable Portal Transporter, which ends up opening a portal into the fictional world of the fairy tales. After speeding through warped versions of "Hansel and Gretel," "Snow White," and "Cinderella," the trio escapes back into their own world... But end up bringing the fairy tale characters with them, including several villains. Armed with a magic wand, Robotnik proceeds to wreck more havoc. 

Even by 1993, fairy tale parodies were well-trotted ground. (The term "fractured fairy tales" is taken from a segment on "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show," undoubtedly an influence on this show.) So it's unsurprising that "AoStH's" riffs on known tales here are lazy and nonsensical. Sonic and Tails step into the role of Hansel and Gretel, who is renamed Nettle for no particular reason. Robotnik becomes the witch, whose house is now made of chili dogs. "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" becomes "Snow Height and the Seven Squatty Guys." Cause, ya see, Snow White is really tall and ugly. They even sing a bizarre parody of "Whistle While You Work." Cinderella's Fairy Godmother becomes a Marlon Brando-aping Fairy Godfather. Few of these "jokes" make any sense, a trend that is epitomized by the "Jack and the Beanstock" giant being a beatnik. Did kids in the nineties know what beatniks were? No, we didn't. 

Really, it feels like a kid wrote this. Taking a familiar character and swapping out their name with a rhyming phrase, and then building the whole gag around that, is something a five-year-old would do. The closest thing to an actual joke here is that Sonic is familiar with how these classic stories go but Tails is not. Our hedgehog hero has to constantly keep his naïve sidekick from making easily-avoided mistakes. Which feels like it could've been an ironic riff on these familiar stories, if this show had a molecule of brains or effort. Mostly, the biggest joke here is that Snow Height is ugly – the character design is impressively grotesque – and wants Robotnik to kiss him, which grosses the villain out. Despite his disgust, she continues to pursue him. You may recognize this as a direct steal from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?," which was itself referencing an old Tex Avery. 

If you want to read into Robotnik being repulsed by the idea of kissing a woman, feel free to. "Sonically After Ever" is brimming with queer subtext. Sonic dresses in drag, as Rapunzel, and attempts to seduce Robotnik. The two even come very close to kissing. This is followed by a bit where Scratch and Grounder's talk about kissing a toad, who they explicitly identify as male. When transported into "Hansel and Nettle," Tails takes on the traditional female role... Which includes a costume that gives him cleavage. (Let's just ignore the implications of giving the eight-year-old a "sexy" makeover.) He even shouts that he's a girl, for you folks out there with "Tails is Trans" headcanons. Robotnik also assumes the role of the Wicked Witch, a classic drag queen option. This show had assumed a pseudo-queer camp aesthetic from time-to-time but this episode really goes fully into it. 

Once again, Robotnik emerges as the episode's most interesting character. Other incarnations of the doctor despise magic, seeing it as antithetical to his love of technology. (Never mind that all versions of Robotnik utilize the magical Chaos Emeralds.) The "AoStH" version of Robotnik, however, relishes the opportunity to grab a magic wand. He even declares magic superior to robotics at one point. Carrying on his actions from the "Quest for the Chaos Emeralds" arc, he uses it to recreate the world in his twisted image. Once again, a tyrannical desire to establish his rule, his version of control, over a chaotic world emerges as Robotnik's greatest desire.

"Sonically Ever After" was the last episode of "Adventures" produced but aired as the forty-third. So there's no real sense of finality. Robotnik is not defeated and Sonic doesn't save Mobius forever. However, the show creator did include something like a real ending. In the final moments, Sonic is depicted leaping off the cover of a book with the show's name on it. He then says all stories must end but more adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog will arrive. Which was something like a nice way for the show runners to acknowledge that this was the end and also wasn't. (The show then segues into a droll "Sonic Sez" segment about visiting your local library, which ruins what might've been a nice moment.) 

Still, "Sonically Ever After" makes for a fairly lackluster finale. The jokes are lame to the point of almost not existing. The animation and character designs are largely ugly and awkward, including one of the laziest dragon designs I've ever seen. There are moments were this doesn't even feel like a "Sonic" cartoon. Did any kid expect to see lame fairy tale spoofs when tuning in to this show? It's another doofy episode and, despite claims of endings, I still have twenty-two of these left to review. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.28: Musta Been a Beautiful Baby

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.28: Musta Been a Beautiful Baby

Original Air Date: October 12th, 1993

“You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby” is a famous pop song originally recorded in 1938 by Dick Powell. The song quickly became a standard and has been famously covered over the decades by performers like Bing Crosby and Bobby Darin. Why am I bringing this up? Because the writers of the twenty-eighth episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” felt the need to reference the by-then fifty year old song in the title of their children’s cartoon. It wasn’t a totally obscure reference. The song was featured in Looney Tunes cartoons and various advertisements when I was a kid, so I had at least heard snippets of it. (I’ve actually never heard the whole song but I’m assuming it’s about Dick Powell saying you were a really sexy baby.) Considering this episode also features shout-outs to “Adventures of Superman” and “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” two other things old people love to reference, I’m crediting boomer nostalgia once again for this creative choice.

The episode just doesn’t take its title from the classic song but seemingly its premise too. After Robotnik’s latest invention — a machine that cause fatal static cling — fails to bring Sonic down, he has a temper-tantrum... Which incidentally leads him to another wacky invention. How about a ray that ages Sonic into an old hedgehog? Surely that would make him easier to kill? Sonic and Tails are cornered in a dehydrated food factory by Scratch and Grounder. Naturally, the robots fuck it up and put the Decrepitizer in reverse, turning Sonic and Tails into babies. Further shenanigans result in Robotnik making a similar transformation. Soon, all three are placed in an orphanage run by Miss Saccharine, getting into all sorts of (even more) childish antics. 

One of the more well-known pop culture fads of the late eighties and early nineties was making rebooting well-worn characters by turning them into tiny children. We owe this trend to the success of “Muppet Babies.” This virus soon spread to the Looney Tunes (twice!), the Flintstones, Tom and Jerry, the cast of “The Jungle Book” and probably some others I’m forgetting. This was such a prolific trend at the time that this isn’t even the first mention of the “Spin-Off Babies” fad I’ve made on this blog. Considering “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” was the hackiest of all the hacky “Sonic” adaptations, I’m not shocked the writers decided to just crib an idea from Jim Henson and co. “What if Sonic, Tails, and Robotnik got turned into babies?” is a relatively easy premise to cook up.

While all those other babified spin-offs were, at the very least, inoffensively bland, “AoStH’s” sole excursion into this premise is ghastly. Turning the show’s central trio into babies gives this already obnoxious, grotesque show even more of an excuse to indulge its worst impulses. When voicing Baby Sonic, Jaleel White just does his Urkel voice... But adds an adowable speech impediment, making an awful sound even more ear-splitting. Long John Baldry follows a similar lead when voicing Baby Robotnik, shackling his considerable talent to an utterly irritating vocal tic. Baby Tails mostly just repeats “googoo poopoo” — also an accurate description of this episode — and sucks his thumb. While the sight of Sonic and friends in diapers may thrill certain citizens of the internet, it appeals to me not at all. I don’t want to think about Sonic shitting himself. 

The episode’s comedic ideas basically begins and ends with the baby gimmick too. Once small Sonic, tiny Tails, and rookie Robotnik end up at the orphanage, the script falls into a lazy pattern: Robotnik sets up a trap, Sonic redirects it, and Robotnik is humiliated. Okay, yes, that’s the formula for every episode of this show. Playing out this cycle with annoying baby versions of the characters just makes it seem all the more pathetic. Kindergarten traps, involving seesaws and jelly beans, do not amuse. Also, this episode ends with a literal toddler being tied to the muffler of a car and dragged through town. Which seems excessively sadistic even by the cartoon logic of this show. 

The sometimes aesthetically displeasing animation style of “AoStH,” you may not be surprised to read, does not lend itself to cutesy baby characters well. Baby Sonic and Tails aren’t all that terrifying. Baby Robotnik, meanwhile, is a damnable abomination that should not be. Pasting Robotnik’s orange mustache, squinty — but demonically red — eyes, and lumpy flesh on a cherubic baby body brings Chucky to mind. He spends nearly the whole episode in a crimson (bloody?) nappy, because this show thinks half-naked Robotnik is inherently hilarious. (And, not that it matters, but this baby Robotnik looks nothing like the blob child we saw in “Momma Robotnik’s Birthday.”)

It’s not just the babies that look weird. Miss Saccharine is a wrinkly, lemon-faced creature. She’s supposed to be an old lady but her cartoony proportions make her look like a badly drawn cartoon pig instead. This episode’s bizarre digression involving “instant food” also results in Tails inflating into a morbidly obese version of himself within seconds. Because predicting one creepy internet fetish simply wasn’t enough for this show. The only bits in here I found amusing were Scratch and Grounder declaring each other stupid, in an attempt to win Robotnik’s favor, and the Decrepitizer turning lab rats into an old Jewish couple. And that joke was only funny because it was so random. 

Aside from how painfully unfunny and unpleasant the episode is, “Musta Been a Beautiful Baby”  is notable to me for one other reason. The concluding “Sonic Sez” segment has Sonic informing kids not to climb inside washing machines, an occurrence apparently frequent enough that this show felt the need to instruct against it. This bizarre moral has stuck in my memories all these years. In fact, I think this “Sonic Sez” segment was the very first bit of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” I ever saw. I can vividly recall watching this scene in the living room of my childhood best friend's house. Weirdly, I have no memorable of watching the proceeding episode. I suspect I must've flicked over to this channel just as the show was ending, which was the kind of thing you had to deal with in the days before Netflix and DVR.

So, yes, this episode – or rather, it's dumb-ass edutainment segment – is probably the first episode of this iteration of “Sonic” I ever saw. Perhaps it's a good thing I have no memory of the rest of “Musta Been a Beautiful Beauty.” For it might very well be the least enjoyable episode of this series I've watched thus far. It's like twenty minutes of nails on the chalkboard to me. I'm afraid to ask if this show ever goes lower but I won't be shocked if it does. [3/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.36: Robotnik's Rival

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.36: Robotnik's Rival

Original Air Date: September 29th, 1993

"Robotnik's Rival" begins with our villain utilizing another stupid plan to squash the thorn in his side, Sonic the Hedgehog. His attempt to magnetize Sonic and swing him to the North Pole is interrupted by another evil genius. Calling himself Dr. Quark, he also plans to bend Mobius to his will. The two immediately become rivals, competing to crush Sonic and frequently undermining each other's plots. That's when D.U.F.U.S., Quark's ultra-logical shapeshifting robot assistant, suggest the two team up together. This is wildly successful, Sonic and Tails only escaping thanks to Scratch and Grounder's stupidity. That's when our spiny hero realizes the best way to defeat this double threat is play the doctors' egos against each other.

"Robotnik's Rival" is yet another "Adventures" episode that creates a story by introducing a new character. As the usual "AoStH" cast members are unmoving in their personalities and foibles, I guess the writers had to throw new guys in every episode to keep stuff from getting more repetitive than normal. As far the recent additions "AoStH" has thrown at me go, Dr. Quark is one of the more tolerable ones. Yeah, his lisping voice is mildly annoying. The show repeatedly compares him to a duck, owing to his webbed feet, and repeats that quasi-joke endlessly. But he's not defined solely by an annoying gimmick. He's actually a far more effective villain than Robotnik, as his inventions actually work, and it's only his competitive streak that is his undoing. I also kind of like the character design too. The spiky red hair and goggles are a good mix. 

 

Moreover, Quark actually manages to bring a new dynamic to Robotnik, than the typical shenanigans we are used to seeing. His rivalry with Quark reveals both his genius — his ability to forge bizarre inventions — and his main flaw: his inability to see past petty grudges. Once they team-up, the two doctors start flattering each other, showing another previously unseen side of Robotnik's personality. He acts all grateful and flattering around Quark and seems to believe it to a degree, because his rival's genius reflects his own. Which flatters his narcissistic ego. But it's hard for Robotnik not to claim victories solely for himself, leading to an edgy undercurrent of inevitable betrayal to the partnership. I feel like we've learned more about Robotnik in these last few episodes than we will ever learn about this version of Sonic.

While Quark is a mildly interesting, or at least not terrible, addition to the show, he's not the real MVP of "Robotnik's Rival." That would be D.U.F.U.S., Quark's egregiously acronymic robot sidekick. Unlike Scratch and Grounder, who are always loud and stupid, D.U.F.U.S. is naturally soft-spoken. His commitment to pure logic is what leads to the good idea of Robotnik and Quark working together, instead of against each other. But a reasonable being is ultimately doomed in a world as absurd as this. After Scratch and Grounder gaslight him into thinking he let Sonic and Tails get away — actually their fault — D.U.F.U.S.'s programming begins to turn against himself. Like so many Gen-Xers before him, D.U.F.U.S.'s confusion at a world that doesn't make sense drives him to apathy and sarcasm towards authority figures. In other words, he turns into a smart-mouthed surfer dude type. 

Yes, what we have here is an actual character arc. At first, I was sort of hoping that D.U.F.U.S.'s clear-cut logic would lead to him attempting to destroy both Robotnik and Quark, realizing both of them are incompetent and he'd be a far more reasonable leader. Failing that, watching Scratch and Grounder continuously neg the superior robot until he becomes depressed also would have been pretty funny. Instead, he bends towards more mild forms of rebellion and depression. It warms my heart to think there's a super versatile and highly intelligent robot out there in the "Sonic"-verse who chooses to live out his life as a stoned surfer dude. It's decent comedy and would've been an even better character study. Once again, I wonder why Flynn didn't bring this guy into the Archie reboot.

Usually in "AoStH," Sonic just has to outsmart and out-speed his very dumb and slow opponents. In "Robotnik's Rival," our hedgehog hero has to rely on an actual strategy. Keenly observing that Robotnik's narcissistic ego is his greatest weakness, Sonic and Tails create a series of pranks that intentionally play the two doctors against one another. Some of these jokes are pretty dumb, involving renaming Eggman's base and a mock award show. (Though the latter does feature some amusingly random yam murder.) Their choice to print tabloids publishing outrageous rumors is funnier. Quark reading that Robotnik says he married Bigfoot is a ridiculous image that the episode then shows us, which got a laugh out of me. If nothing else, it's nice to see Sonic utilizing an actual plan, instead of just putting on goofy disguises and running around.

Though don't think there aren't lots of stupid disguises in this episode. If I made "Robotnik's Rival" sound smart or well done, please remember what show we are talking about here. There's still lots of pedestrian slapstick to be had. Characters still get bonked on the head or comically deformed throughout. Totally meaningless gags, involving ants or the Darkinator, are present and accounted for. There's lots of gross fleshiness too, such as Grounder revealing disturbingly scrawny knees or D.U.F.U.S. transforming into a shapely woman in a bikini. And, naturally, the animation is mediocre. Quark shooting light rays out of his mouth or Sonic and Tails dangling in a dungeon are images that are not conveyed well. 

But as far as the standard of this cartoon goes? Yeah, this is one of the better episodes. By playing off the character's personalities more and creating something like an actual plot. "Robotnik's Rival" managed to mildly amuse — or at least not horribly irritate — me. [7/10]