Sonic Christmas Blast: Revisited

Sonic Christmas Blast

Original Air Date: November 26th, 1993

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all Hedgehogs Can't Swim readers! I'm glad that I have both survived 2021 and have kept this blog regularly updated throughout. Long time readers know I like to do something special around the holidays. For the very first Hedgehogs Can't Swim Christmas special, I posted an old review of "Sonic Christmas Blast." However, that review was written for my other blog, designed to appeal to non-Sonic people. After finishing up my retrospective of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" earlier this year, it seemed fitting to revisit the holiday special that more-or-less continued from that series. So, here we go: "Sonic Christmas Blast: Take Two."

Before we get into the question of what "Sonic Christmas Blast" does, we really have to answer the question of why it exists in the first place. By 1996, a new episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" hadn't aired in three years. In fact, I recall a lot less "Sonic" content in general in the middle nineties, saved for the then-deathless comic book. Sega, at the time, was hoping to give the franchise a shot in the arm with a new game for their brand new Sega Saturn... But that game was "Sonic X-Treme," a notoriously troubled production that was eventually canned. Sega had high hopes for the project before killing it,  releasing a number of tie-in products. This included a Christmas special, meant to hype up the game that was supposed to be a hot holiday title release. 

When "Sonic X-Treme" died, the Genesis title "Sonic 3-D Blast" was quickly propped up as its replacement. (Which meant there wasn't a major "Sonic" title in between "Sonic and Knuckles" and "Sonic Adventure," no doubt contributing to the franchise's downfall... But that's a topic for another day.) When "Sonic 3D Blast" desperately attempted to fill "Sonic X-Treme's" shoes, "An X-Tremely Cool Sonic Christmas" was hastily retitled "Sonic Christmas Blast." The half-hour special aired on the USA Network, where I can't imagine it reached that wide of an audience. I, a lifelong "Sonic" obsessive, didn't even know the special existed until years afterwards. 

Yet even that information doesn't really explain many of the strange things about this cartoon. Who made the decision to link this special to a three-year-old syndicated cartoon? Why did it randomly mix elements from both of DiC's "Sonic" series from earlier in the decade, without really capturing the feeling of either show? Moreover, why is it a Christmas special, instead of just a generic "Sonic" product meant to promote the upcoming game? Sonic has had little association with that most money-hungry of holidays before this point. Sadly, answers are not readily available to these queries. All we have is the odd special itself to examine. 

The plot is not too different from your typical episode of "AoStH." Santa Claus announces his retirement, disappointing the children of Mobius. Worst yet, greedy madman Robotnik is installed as his replacement. The evil fat man immediately inverts the rules of the holiday, demanding the citizens of the world give him gifts or face dire consequences. Sonic immediately races into action to save the real Santa, captured by Robotnik. Yet only a magical ring gifted to Sonic by his girlfriend provides the true means to save Christmas. See? Totally in-the-spirit of the dumbass cartoon.

The presence of Scratch and Grounder, Jaleel White and Long John Baldry in the voice cast, and some of the design choices also obviously mark this as a continuation of "AoStH." Yet it's also noticeably different. The animation is less loose, the character designs slightly smoother. The production values are just a smidgen higher, resulting in a more homogeneous look. Robotnik is both more exaggerated and less grotesque than his "AoStH" counterpart. Christopher Welch had aged out of voicing Tails and Chris Turner, whose voice is slightly deeper, plays the character. 

This is all a way of saying "Christmas Blast" most resembles "AoStH" but it doesn't really feel like it. Mobius is populated with generic cartoon humans and not a bizarre mix of cartoon animals, freaky monstrosities, and ugly humanoids. The Mobiums currency has been replaced with "Robotnikbucks," suggesting the villain has completed his conquest of the planet in the intervening years. Mostly, the special doesn't have the same comedic spirit. "AoStH" was aggressively, obnoxiously wacky, frequently sacrificing all sense of logic for grating jokes and nonsensical gags. "Christmas Blast" has a lot of lame slapstick but its world makes sense. This is most noticeable in two ways: The surreal landscapes have been replaced with colorful but bland cities. While Sonic does wear a disguise to fool Scratch and Grounder, it actually has an effect on the plot and isn't just done to humiliate the buffoons. 

This noticeable tonal difference might have been a result of one or two choices. First off, it's possible screenwriters the Shelly brothers just lost their grip on "AoStH's" style in the years between. Or they might've reined in the show's craziness to appeal more to "SatAM" fans. Yes, "Sonic Christmas Blast" is a(n entirely unsatisfying) fusion of both of the then-existing Sonic cartoons. Robotnik's minions resemble the wacky machine designs of "AoStH" but are referred to as SWATBots. Instead of his tower abode, Robotnik operates out of an industrialized city named Robotropolis. Most noticeably, Princess Sally is in this special. 

Yet no attempt is made to capture "SatAM's" feeling either. This Robotropolis is just a regular city, populated by regular people, and not a bombed-out dystopia. They even pronounce it differently. No other element from "SatAM" is present. As for Sally, no attempt was made to depict her character. Literally all she does is stand around, point at Sonic, and get buried in gifts at the end. She has no dialogue and even her briefly heard gasps are provided by a different actress. (As Katy Soucie was too busy, at the time, voicing another object of furry lust in "Space Jam.") While she looks like her season one design, her color palette is closer to the pilot's infamous "pink Sally." Basically, "Sonic Christmas Blast" wanted to appeal to fans of both "Sonic" cartoons but didn't really put in the work to feel like either of them. 

Perhaps even this is giving the people behind "Sonic Christmas Blast" too much credit. Much like the cartoon show that proceeded it, this was a quickly produced product meant to promote another product, with little care given to its quality. The central premise, of the bad guy kidnapping and replacing Santa, is similar to a hundred hacky holiday specials. The story contains a serious deus ex machina, as the ring Sally gave Sonic last year inexplicably provides the superpower boost needed to save Christmas. There's the presence of random hieroglyphs foretelling Sonic's victory, the shittiest attempt to justify the hasty last act. A long sequence is devoted to Sonic snowboarding and mountain biking, a clear attempt to cash in on the then-popularity of "x-treme" sports. (And no doubt an attempt to add to the special's overall "x-tremeness.") It's sloppy and bland all at the same time.

A key way you can tell "Christmas Blast" isn't really in the spirit of "Adventures" is the lack of Robotnik content. The show was so fascinated with Sonic's archenemy, that he sometimes felt like more of a main character than the hedgehog did. In "Christmas Blast," he wears a revealing Santa outfit, gloats and berates some people, asks for more chimneys to be installed, and is then defeated by Sonic. Long John Baldry is back but he gets few opportunities to show off his enthusiastic performance. And while I definitely could read into the way Robotnik turns a holiday ostensibly about giving into an excuse to take from people, as a commentary on the joys of Christmas being crushed by an obligation to fulfill capitalistic societal duties, that feels like a stretch even for me.

I guess my point is: I wasn't generally a fan of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" but at least it had a distinct flavor. Its obnoxiousness and weirdness made it a definitely unique production. Its many baffling elements contributed to the overall stupefying "Sonic" legacy. "Sonic Christmas Blast," meanwhile, is just kind of bland and dumb in a very boring way. There's nothing especially interesting about it and it has rightly faded from the fandom's collective memory. I didn't see it until snatching a DVD out of a cheap bin as an adult. If I saw it as a kid, I would've been happy to see Sally again but I doubt I'd love it. 

Perhaps that's fitting, as disappointment is a key component of the American Christmas experience. But I hope you don't have a disappointing Christmas! A sincere thank you, for being a Hedgehogs Can't Swim reader for another year, is my gift to you. "Sonic Christmas Blast" may get a [4/10] but I hope your holiday, however you prefer to spend it, gets a ten outta ten!

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Conclusion

For a couple of days now, I've been wracking my brain, trying to think of eloquent things I can say about "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" as I put it in the rear-view mirror. It took me almost four years to review all of the Archie "Sonic" comics, which evolved a lot over the course of its extensive run. I had a lot of feelings about that series. Similarly, "SatAM" was a show I was really attached to as a kid and my thoughts on it have shifted a few times as I've revisited. 

"Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," on the other hand, is a show I'm not sure I've watched in its entirety before. I enjoyed it as a kid but it never stuck much in my mind. Moreover, the opinion I had of the program going into this retrospective remains more-or-less unchanged. I guess this conclusion has been hard to write because I don't have a relationship with "AoStH" the way I had a relationship with the comics or "SatAM."

So, what is that opinion that's stayed mostly consistent throughout these reviews? Going into this retrospective, I recalled "Adventures" as obnoxious in its humor, cheap in animation, and deeply childish in its writing. This is still an accurate description. If "AoStH" revealed any hidden depths to me during this watch-through, it's how freaky the show got. The stretchy animation style often veered towards unintentional(?) body horror. The absurd humor of the series sometimes extended past amusing and into the nightmarish. Mostly, the show's gags often seemed to (barely) disguise a fetishic quality that managed to make even a full-blown freak like me pretty uncomfortable. 

I want to say that "AoStH's" deeply weird qualities made it interesting but, the truth is, this show was mediocre and forgettable more often than not. In a year, if you asked me what episodes like "The Robotnik Express" or "Sno Problem" were about, I doubt I could tell you without re-reading my reviews. The show relied upon deeply repetitive writing, often repeating the same gags several times in the same episode. Sonic putting on a disguise to fool Scratch and Grounder or Robotnik getting humiliated at the end of every episode weren't exactly rock solid jokes to begin with, much less when repeated over and over again. The writers themselves were clearly hindered by this reliance on formula, which is why so many episodes were based around introducing some new bozo for the static characters to bounce off of.

The show's commitment to overbearing wackiness, a brute force attempt to wrangle laughs out of the tiny children in the target audience, was usually incredibly annoying to this old man's old eyes. Once again, I'm forced to acknowledge that I am not the target audience of a "Sonic"-related product. If you were wondering why so many of these reviews degraded into grasping-at-straws psychological readings of the characters or world, it's because there was so little for me to latch onto.

Still, I have read defenses of "AoStH," that it was consistently amusing in a sub-"Looney Tunes" style fashion. The amount of memes the program has spawned is certainly evidence of how durable some people find its style of humor. Considering the show's long afterlife in reruns and syndication, I'm guessing it had the most reach of all the early "Sonic" cartoons. If nothing else, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" definitely has its place in "Sonic" history. 

There are, I suppose, episodes and moments were I enjoyed this show. A couple stick out in my memory as of higher quality than most. The Quest for the Chaos Emeralds four-parter was inconsistent but, at its best moments, showed this program was capable of a little more than its usual antics. "Mass Transit Trouble" and "The Mobius 5000" are other episodes that suggested this show had more dramatic potential than most of its installations seemed to entail. I've commented before that the Tails-centric episodes – "Tails' New Home," "Full-Tilt Tails," and especially "Tails Prevails," which is probably my favorite episode of the entire series – seemed to have a little more dramatic gristle than most. 

Looking back at my reviews, I think "Robotnik's Rival" and "The Little Merhog" are the episodes that made me laugh the most. (I also gave positive scores to "Pseudo-Sonic" and "Subterranean Sonic" but I think I overrated them in my early hope this project would be less painful than I knew it would be.) But that's only 11 out of a 65 episode run, which does seem to prove my theory that most of this show was forgettable, mediocre dross. Besides, when I think back to "AoStH," I'm not going to remember the "good" episodes. I'm going to remember the terrifying ones: The complete abandonment of reason in "Boogey-Mania," the baffling cartoon logic of "Too Tall Tails," the disturbing psychological trauma of the Momma Robotnik arc, and the full-bore kinkiness of "Zoobotnik." These are the gifts/curses this program bestowed upon me. 

With little else to say about this series, let me resort to the pop culture writer's last defense: Raw data. Ya see, as I've been watching this show, I kept track of certain reoccurring aspects. I did this to satiate my own curiosity but maybe you'll be interested. So, in case you wanted to know: 

Sonic says "I'm waiting" 25 times throughout the show. Tails says the catchphrase in “Best Hedgehog.” Robotnik says it in “Magnificent Sonic” and “MacHopper.” Sonic's identical ancestor, Masonic, says it in “Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme.” I was surprised this wasn't more common, as I seem to recall him saying this in every episode as a kid. His other catchphrases – "up, over, and gone," "let's speed, keed" – were probably just as commonly reoccurring but I didn't think to count those.

Less surprising is this next statistic: Robotnik says "I hate that hedgehog," or a close variation on it, 65 times. He doesn't say it in every episode. “Best Hedgehog,” “Robolympics,” “High-Stakes Sonic,” “Blank-Headed Eagle,” “Momma Robothink's Birthday,” “So Long Sucker,” “Trail of the Missing Tails,” and “Coachnik” are the episodes were he doesn't say this phrase. But sometimes he'll say it more than once in other episodes, making up for lost time. (His mummy ancestor says the phrase in "Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme" and “Prehistoric Sonic.”) 

How about this one? Sonic is shown eating, or is heavily implied to have eaten, 29 chili dogs throughout the course of this show. In “Robotnik Jr.” and “Sonic's Song,” he eats a hot dog without chili. There are actually far more episodes that reference chili dogs without actually depicting Sonic eating any. For example, he orders 2 chili dogs in “Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme” but is never shown eating them. It seems his love of meat-sauce bathed beef tubes is more informed than shown.

Lastly, I kept a running tally of all the many disguises Sonic wore throughout “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.” He wore 85 different disguises and costumes in total. His favorite get-up seems to be the firefighter, construction worker, and highway patrolmen, which he all donned three times. Other repeat offenders include a doctor, a cook, an old time-y beat cop, a military general, a pizza delivery boy, a generic artist, a little old lady, and the weirdly specific “Dr. Pimento.” 

There's also some borderline examples, such as Sonic's identical ancestors. The only episodes Sonic doesn't wear some sort of costume or disguise in are “Submerged Sonic,” “Robolympcis,” “Trail of the Missing Tails,” “The Last Resort,” “The Magic Hassle,” “Baby-Sitter Jitters,” “Road Hog,” “Fast and Easy,” “Tails' Tale,” and “Hero of the Year.” If you're curious what everyone of these looks like, the Sonic News Network Wiki has got you covered.

And so I close the book on "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," at least for now. Good-bye Long John Baldry and Scratch's annoying laugh. Good-bye educational segments of dubious merit. Good-bye Momma Robotnik, Professor Von Schlemmer, and Wes Weasly. I'll, uh, miss you, I guess. Before returning to the doldrums of DiC-era "Sonic" animation, I'll be making a brief stopover in Japan. Look for that soon. Thanks for reading, guys. 

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.60: Hero of the Year

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.60: Hero of the Year

Original Air Date: December 3rd, 1993

Here we are, kids, at the last episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." The entire series played out over the course of only three months, though it continued to air in syndication and various other time slots for years to come. Despite the brief period it took the show to premiere, it took me about a year and two months to review the entire series. Granted, that's largely because of the seven month hiatus I took in the middle there. Yet it still feels like it took forever to work my way through this show. And now, finally, I am done. Let's roll that beautiful bean footage one last time.

"Hero of the Year" begins with Wes Weaselly riding in a fancy limo, seemingly having struck it rich. After an attempted carjacking by Scratch and Grounder, Sonic and Tails rescue the former con artist. Wes then suggests to Tails they throw an honorary dinner celebrating Sonic's heroism, inviting as many of his friends as possible. It turns out Wes isn't done conning though. It's all a trap set up by Robotnik, Wes being promised his own television shopping channel as a reward for screwing over Sonic. After the hedgehog and all his bodies are gathered on a cruise boat, Robotnik sticks him in a cage and sinks him to the bottom of the ocean. Surely someone will have a change of heart and save Sonic?

When the collection of Sonic's friends are gathered on the boat, they share memories of everyone's favorite spiny smartass, which somehow play out as video clips on a projector. Which means, yes, "Hero of the Year" is a clip show. A way to save money and pad out a season order by building an episode around footage from earlier episodes, clip shows have long been the bane of television fans. Ya know, you tune in for a new episode of your favorite show, only to be greeted with largely recycled scenes. You feel ripped off. They're increasingly rare now but were common place for years. Animation, being even more costly than regular television, was certainly not exempt from this. For what it's worth, I'd say that less than half of "Hero of the Year" is built around pre-existing scenes, so you don't feel too cheated. 

One does have to ask the question of why these particular characters and scenes were chosen for revisiting. Aside from Wes, Breezie, Robotnik Jr., Sgt. Doberman, and Robot from the previous episode are asked to present clips. Da Bears and Von Schmerler – big sigh – also show up for short scenes while a small horde of characters have cameos. That includes Spelunk, Rocket the Sloth, Sketch Lampoon, Bert Whoo, Roxy, Professor Caninestein, Miss Possum, and a miscolored MacHopper. Some of these were obviously favorites of the writers but others seem to be picked at random. Sgt. Doberman could hardly be called a friend of Sonic, considering he tried to betray him in "Attack on Pinball Fortress." None of the featured episodes are among the series' best. Later, Robotnik presents even more clips and they are equally random. "The Robotnik Express" is highlighted as his greatest defeat, when literally any other episode would have worked just as well. 

Aside from providing set-up for old footage, none of the returning characters do too much. Breezie says every line as a near-orgasmic moan and Robot's story moves the audience to tears. You'd think that, if this was one final chance to see old friends, the writers would've given them more to do. However, at the very least, Wes Weasely gets something like a proper redemption arc. Having been screwed by Robotnik, he decides to jump in the submarine he has for some reason and save Sonic. Afterwards, he promises he's done scamming. Granted, this is not convincing at all. Wes' motivations are entirely self-interested and he already seems to be sliding back into bad behavior by the final scene. But at least one of the reoccurring cast members has an effect on the episode's plot and undergoes some sort-of, kind-of, almost meaningful change. (Also, Wes spends nearly the whole episode in just his boxers with a giant cigar in his mouth, presumably because the animators just had to prove how freaky they were one more time.)

Taken on its own merits, "Hero of the Year" does not prove to be an especially memorable episode. There's one joke that made me laugh. After Robotnik insists he get his own celebratory ceremony, Scratch and Grounder invite all his friends... Which results in an empty theater. Otherwise, it's the same sort of loud slapstick you've come to expect. It's also kind of bullshitty that Sonic doesn't even do much, in this episode devoted to his heroism. Wes Weasly saves him. Also, they bring back a bunch of characters nobody gives a shit about but Coconuts is nowhere to be seen. Balderdash! I demand justice for my stupid robot monkey son. 

Even though it was the sixtieth in the "official" order, "Hero of the Air" was the last episode produced as well as aired. It doesn't have the closing minute of finality that "Sonically Ever After" did, nor the world-saving stakes. (It does have a mildly bizarre Sonic Sez segment devoted to the dangers of alcohol.) Robotnik is still at large, Mobius is still a place of chaos and madness, and Sonic and Tails' aggressively wacky adventures continue onward. However, a premise that more-or-less celebrates the entire series and a bunch of familiar faces returning at least feels like a good point to end on. I can't say I'm disappointed in this final episode, because that would imply I ever have any expectations for this show. 

But, at least I'm done. Come back next time for my closing thoughts on the entire series. As for "Hero of the Year," I must bequeath it with a meager [5/10].  

 

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.58: The Robots' Robot

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.58: The Robots' Robot

Original Air Date: December 2nd, 1993

As "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" started to wind down, it was clear the writers were running out of ideas. I always imagine a group of guys thinking up premises for sixty-five episodes in the course of one afternoon, with most of the rest of production being devoted to the far more time-consuming practice of animation. But, considering the freelance nature of children's television writing, the truth is the writers probably had little to no interaction with each other. Either way, somebody along the production chain probably should've pointed out that this show did two separate mermaid themed episodes or multiple race-themed episodes. Or, as is the case with the penultimate combo, two episodes whose titles are just related words. After "Tails' Tale," came "The Robots' Robot." 

The episode begins with two adorable lion cubs in footy pajamas racing their bikes towards their home town... Which has been mysteriously imploded. Sonic comes along and quickly, and correctly, deduces that Robotnik was behind this. He was testing out his new invention: The BLAMMO, a highly unstable device with the potential to implode the whole planet. After Scratch and Grounder almost drop it, Robotnik tells them an idiot could've built better robots. This gives the dim-witted duo the idea to create their own robot, which they creatively name Robot. Their cruelty soon runs little Robot off and he unknowingly grabs the BLAMMO as he goes, leading to a chase to see who can retrieve him first. 

One of the main, and best, jokes of "AoStH" is that Scratch and Grounder think of themselves as Robotnik's children, while Robotnik only thinks of them as disposable employees. Intentionally or not, the writers created a compelling parallel for an abusive parent/child relationship, with the robots constantly seeking validation from a dismissive parental figure. Just as Robotnik himself was mistreated by his mother, the cycle of abuse continues in this episode. Scratch and Grounder refer to themselves as Robot's parents and immediately treat him as their kid. Yet not long afterwards, they are delegating chores and tasks to him. Grounder even slips up and calls Robot their slave. The little guy is mistreated so much that, at less than 24 hours old, he's already running away from home. It's a sad inevitability that Scratch and Grounder would mistreat their robotic offspring. Abuse is all they've never known. 

This backstory ends up making Robot one of the less irritating one-off guest characters. He speaks in a series of gibberish-like bleeps and bloops, which really made me want to dislike him. But the little guy is just too cute. He really is written like a little kid, who overdoes new tasks and interprets every statement very literally. (Though Robotnik was probably entirely seriously when he threatened to turn him into a popcorn maker.) It helps that Robot follows the same "cute robot" design formula that gave us Johnny Five and WALL-E. That could be big expressive and little wheels, instead of feet. 

You'll notice that this is another episode with more story than it requires. Little Robot's plot and the story revolving around the BLAMMO probably could've filled one episode each. Robot is given far more purpose and the BLAMMO is little more than a MacGuffin. We only see its powers – which are less like true implosion and more like some "Katamari Damacy" shit – twice, at the beginning and end of the episode. Considering the device's effects can be reversed with seemingly no harm done, as the lion cubs' town is return to normal at the end, I'm not sure why Robotnik thought the gizmo was so dangerous. The episode eventually degrades into an uninspired chase scene through a volcanic tunnel and a frozen-over lake, the implosion gimmick never really coming to the forefront.

Though the chase scene is notable for a moment where Robotnik deploys some "BurroBots." Yet these BurroBots do not resemble the ones from the game and comic at all. They look more like weird bug robots, the drills on their noses being the only connecting element to their namesake. Considering the game BurroBots heavily resemble Grounder, the design might've changed so the young audience wouldn't get confused. Which raises the question of why the writers decided to use the BurroBots at all, instead of any of the numerous other Badniks from the first two games. 

These are far from the only example of how sloppy this one's script was. A lot of attention are devoted to the lion cub siblings introduced in that first scene. Named Jackson and Suzie, Sonic has several interactions with them. They are even the first ones to befriend Robot. I figure the show was going somewhere with this, that the episode would conclude with Robot being adopted into Jackson and Suzie's family. Instead, the episode swerves in a totally different direction in the last minutes. Sonic instead decides that Scrap Valley, the home for disregarded robots introduced in "Sonic Gets Thrashed," is Robot's ideal home. Truthfully, I don't know why Suzie and Jackson are in this episode at all. We never see the inside of their town or meet anyone in their family, sucking all the tension out of the plot to un-implode their home. 

But I guess this episode still isn't all that bad. Considering the script managed to get me to care about little Robot, despite his outwardly annoying attributes, I'm going to chalk this one up as more success than failure. They could have picked far worst episodes to air as the penultimate installment of the series, that's for sure. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.59: Tails' Tale

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.59: Tails' Tale

Original Air Date: December 1st, 1993

Of the main "Sonic" cast, Tails is the character that has probably evolved the most. In his original game appearance, he was almost strictly Sonic's sidekick, the character that trailed behind him. Japan always intended for him to be a mechanical whiz but Sega of America ran with the sidekick more. This is why, in all early American "Sonic" media, Tails is little more than Sonic's little buddy. It took years for his technical know-how and piloting skills to take hold. Because the game characterization tends to supersede everything else in newer fans' minds, his genius is now Tails' defining aspects, making the old stuff weird in retrospect. 

"Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" never really featured that part of Tails' personality but it did get him behind the steering wheel of an old-timey airplane once. "Tails' Tale" begins with Sonic and Tails awoken by the sound of an aerial dogfight overhead. Scratch and Grounder are attempting to dose William Le Duck, pilot and would-be hero, with sleeping powder. They succeed and Tails has to fly in and save the day. Afterwards, Sonic vanishes. With Professor Von Schlemmer's help, Tails and LeDuck track Sonic down... Except he's still nowhere to seen. Sonic is trapped inside the Temple of Komometz, a cursed temple that vanished during the day. If not rescued by the next dawn, Sonic will be an eternal prisoner. Robotnik has arranged this entire ordeal, of course. Tails and the cowardly Le Duck must save the day.

Since I'm nearly at the end of my "AoStH" watch-through, I can definitively say that the Tails-focused episodes tend to be a little more tolerable than most. "Tails Prevails," "Tails in Charge," "Full Tilt Tails," and "Tails' New Home" are all among the better installments of this show. There's an easily discerned reason for this. Sonic always has to be the slapstick superhero, who foils his enemies in ridiculous ways. He's basically all powerful and rarely is challenged in any meaningful way. This causes the scripts to collapse into random wackiness or to shift focus to annoying side characters. Tails, on the other hand, is inexperienced by default. He's allowed to fail, be challenged, and rise above his own weaknesses. This evident in a surprisingly touching moment here, where Tails insists he heads inside the dangerous temple to save his friend.  Sonic would do it for him, so he has to do it for Sonic. It's kind of badass and an unexpected moment of character-driven action. 

Sadly, most of "Tails' Tale" doesn't actually focus on Tails rising to the occasion and rescuing Sonic. Yeah, it happens but most of the episode is focused on the oddball "Indiana Jones" style adventure. Considering the Jones franchise's popularity and prominence in the early nineties, I'm really surprised "AoStH" didn't riff on it sooner. The temple has a Central American style design. Komometz is a bat monster in an Aztec headdress, confirming him as inspired by Camazotz, the Aztec bat god. (He brings with him a group of giant bat monsters, who appear in one strange scene and are never seen again.) The curse, river of lava, various traps and puzzles all recall the "exotic adventurer" genre that the "Jones" movie homages and briefly rebirthed. 

As is usual, the show rarely has anything meaningful to say about these tropes. Though there are two mildly amusing gags. While pursuing Tails and Le Duck, Scratch and Grounder reads from an instructional manual on curses. They successfully collapse the bridge across the river of lava but reassemble it via their own incompetence, before destroying it again and trapping themselves on the other side. (I can't help but think of the "You're on the wrong side of the river!" moment from "The Mummy," a later "Indiana Jones" wannabe.) After finding Sonic in a dungeon, Tails and Le Duck are prepared to unravel another puzzle... Only to discover the key is hanging right there. See, unexpected payoffs like that are successful examples of what we call "humor."

Sadly, most of "Tails' Tale" isn't that amusing. Instead, the episode falls back on this program's mistaken belief that a funny accent is inherently amusing. LeDuck speaks with an exaggerated French accent for no particular reason. He's also a coward, afraid of his own airplane. This means DiC created two cowardly French characters around the same time. Von Schlemmer shows up and is as terrible as usual. The scene where Tails tries to introduce the duck and the professor is especially terrible. And then there's Komometz himself, who has a gravelly accent of undetermined origins. None of this is especially amusing and each character is a largely useless addition to the wider "Sonic" lore. 

The episode at least has a somewhat unexpected conclusion, where we learn Komometz isn't such a bad guy. After he learns Robotnik was ripping him off, he puts a curse on the Eggman's fortress. Definitely one of the more nonsensical foilings we've seen on this show. I really wanted to like this one more, if just for that really nice moment where Tails decides to save Sonic. The focus on annoying side characters and reheated jungle adventures shenanigans leaves little room for anything else though. They were so close. Bummer. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.61: Fast and Easy

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.61: Fast and Easy

Original Air Date: November 30th, 1993

We are fast approaching the end of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," as I have all of three episodes left to review after this one. And, as the final episode draws nearer, I’m almost impressed with how little this show changed over the course of its run. The overwhelming majority of "AoStH" episodes did not play off the interaction between Sonic, Tails, and Robotnik's gang so much. Instead, most episodes introduced some random character into the mix, building the story around their problems or flaws. This is probably the reason why, despite taking far more elements from the early games than "SatAM" did, "AoStH" feels so disconnected from its source material. The writers were still doing this exact same set-up until nearly the end, as it evident with episode sixty-one, "Fast and Easy." 

While wandering the countryside, Sonic and Tails come upon Scratch and Grounder setting up a new trap. They are shocked to discover the trap isn't for them. Instead, Robotnik intends to capture Easy Eddie, a pickpocket and all-around dirt bag. Eddie has a ring stuck in his finger that contains a Chaos Emerald. If he gets his hand on the Emerald, Robotnik can start sinking continents into the ocean. Sonic decide the ring has to come off Eddie's finger, recruiting Professor Von Schlemmer to help. Yet, when the time comes, is a petty crook like Easy Eddie going to do the right thing? 

"Fast and Easy," at least in the abstract, has a pretty funny premise: What if Sonic had to rescue the worst person in the world? Easy Eddie isn't a supervillain but he is a massive asshole. He complains about Sonic rescuing him. He steals something from everyone he encounters. He's always rude, insulting Tails upon meeting him, and is nothing but self-interested in his actions. As if he couldn't be more of Sonic's diametric opposite, he also hates chili dogs and going fast. Yet being a hero means rescuing everyone, even people who are terrible. Forcing Sonic to continuously protect someone who always makes him regret it is a pretty amusing set-up for jokes, albeit darker ones than this series usually specializes in. 

Sonic griping about Eddie's unavoidable bad behavior is played for laughs throughout "Fast and Easy." Most of the episode is still devoted to pedestrian slapstick. However, I could've forgiven a lot if the episode did one thing. As soon as the ring is unstuck, Eddie runs off to Robotnik. He gives the supervillain the world-threatening ring in exchange for a massive payoff, which is totally in keeping with Eddie's personality. If the show had stuck with this idea, that some people are always terrible, it would've at least committed to its main joke. Instead, Eddie has the most unconvincing change of heart at the last minute. At the end of the episode, he shows back up, says he's changed, and gives back everything he stole. Literally nothing happens to prompt this change. Eddie's entire personality shifts just because this is a kids show and it would be uncharacteristic of the genre to have someone not learn their lesson. (Even though, I'd argue, "some people never change" is a moral kids probably could stand to learn.)

For "Sonic" lore nerds, this episode is notable for featuring a Chaos Emerald. It's the only time the show acknowledged the game's favorite MacGuffin outside of the Quest for the Chaos Emeralds four-parter. It's certainly inconsistent that this Chaos Emerald doesn't grant its wearer a god-like ability, like the other four. In fact, this Emerald has almost the opposite purpose of the game's Master Emerald. When placed upon a special pedestal, contained within a "Secret Zone," it causes islands to sink into the ocean. As opposed to the Master Emerald causing an island to float up into the sky. The show does not clarify how any of this works, where the Secret Zone is, how Robotnik found out about this, or any of that stuff. There was no time for actual plot points, when the episode had to squeeze in dumb jokes instead. But it is interesting that, probably by coincidence, this episode parallels some of the game series' most famous plot points about a year before it went down. 

Since I'm almost done with my watch-through of this show, I was really hoping I wouldn't have to see Professor Von Schlemmer again. It had been a while since he showed up. The series seemed to utilize the less horrifying Dr. Caninestein more as it went on. Nope! Not only goes the obnoxiously accented mad scientist appear in this episode, he's showing up two more times before the end. Presumably because the universe has a cruel sense of humor. Anyway, Von Schlemmer does his usual annoying bullshit. He performs absent-minded word play, builds bizarre and impractical inventions, and just annoys the hell out of me every second he's on-screen. He actually makes things worst for Sonic too. After accidentally zapping the ring off Eddie's finger, he insists on continuing with his ridiculous machine solutions, trying to solve a problem that's already been resolved. This allows Eddie to get away and endanger all of Mobius. Jesus... Von Schlemmer is like the Elon Musk of Mobius or some shit. 

How many times throughout this retrospective have I said that an episode could've been good if a little more thought or care had been taken with the premise? It seems like it's been a lot. Here's yet another example. A character like Easy Eddie, whose whole purpose is to always be terrible, had some comedic potential. Instead, "AoStH" falls back on what it always does. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.64: Robo-Ninjas

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.64: Robo-Ninjas

Original Air Date: November 29, 1993

America's cultural fascination with ninjas is a fairly recent one. The roots of our (patronizing at-best, horribly racist at-worst) fixation on Asian mysticism dates back to the late 1800s, evolving through the Charlie Chans and Fu Manshus, before climaxing with Bruce Lee and the martial arts movie boom of the 1970s. It was inevitable that the ninja, those mysterious assassins of Feudal Japan, would appeal to a country hungry for Asian exoticism and elaborate asskickery. (The ninja is so mysterious that almost everything we associate with them is bullshit.) A horde of ninja movies, video games, and comic books would appear in the eighties. The massive popularity of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would extend this already juvenile fascination even further into the decade of my youth. Considering the "Sonic" franchise modeled certain aspects of itself after the TMNT, it's not surprising that "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would eventually attempt to put its own spin on whatever passes for "ninjas" over here. 

Which brings us to episode sixty-four of the show, "Robo-Ninjas." Scratch and Grounder set up another easily foiled trap for Sonic and Tails. After this inevitably fails to work, the robots stumble upon a wandering martial arts master named Kwan Chang Crane. Robotnik witnesses Crane easily defeat his minions and gets an idea. He captures Crane and pumps his knowledge into Scratch and Grounder's heads. This makes them "Robo-Ninjas," threats so dangerous that Sonic is nearly overwhelmed. Soon, Sonic and Tails encounter Grasshopper, Crane's student, and set out to rescue him.

The Sonic News Network Wiki page for this episode notes that it was not shown on Toon Disney for "unknown reasons." I'm pretty sure I've figured out what those reasons are: This cartoon is kind of racist! First off, Kwai Chang Crane and Grasshopper are parodies of the TV show "Kung-Fu." That was a show about Chinese martial arts while the ninja is a Japanese concept. That's far from the worst part. Crane spouts nonsensical, faux-Asian philosophical statements throughout, a dicey gag. Mostly, this episode is really uncomfortable because of the fake Asian lisps the voice actors affect. Yes, after being zapped with Crane's knowledge, Scratch and Grounder begin to speak with very poor chop-sockey accents. Sonic is not spared from this offense either. He refers to  "chow main" and egg fu young as martial arts style and puts on Crane's rice-patty hat in the final scene. 

It's all really uncomfortable, to say the least! Having your cartoon characters dress up as ninjas is one thing but having everyone do audio yellow face, while cracking cultural insensitive wordplay, is another. The episode quickly approaches Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's" territory. And, ya know, it didn't have to be this bad. With a little tinkering, this script actually could've been subversive. Robotnik looks at the Asian philosophy Crane espouses and only sees another form of butt-kicking. He's totally unwilling to understand what the martial arts master actually means. Moreover, Scratch and Grounder adopt Asian mannerisms but inevitably make fools of themselves. This could've been an episode making fun of assholes who fixate on their shallow understandings of Chinese and Japanese disciplines, who see a style and not a culture. Instead, it falls back on offensive stereotypes for easy jokes. 

And, ya know, If it wasn't for the casual racism... This probably would've been a good episode. The ninja gimmick gives Scratch and Grounder an actual power boost. They successfully catch Sonic off-guard in one scene. They even see through his old disguise set-up. A flurry of shurikens run Sonic and Tails off. Another moment has Tails nearly being captured. A pair of enemies that Sonic has humiliated countless times suddenly overpowering him is a pretty good idea for an episode! You could've done this exact same set-up without the embarrassing ninja cosplay and all the cultural baggage it brings with it. 

It's not just the idea that could've been salvaged here. "Robo-Ninjas" actually has some funny jokes in it. Kwai Chang Crane's philosophical mish-mush is a Not Okay indulging of Asian stereotypes... But the way it continuously baffles Robotnik is kind of funny. The doctor asking Crane to clarify one of his parables got a laugh out of me. So did a moment where Coconuts asks Sonic if he thinks he's stupid, the hedgehog replying with a blunt "Yes." On the other hand, this episode relies on the "Sonic puts on a wacky disguise" gag too much. He does that five times in this episode, including a really random moment where he dresses up as Beethoven, I guess. 

Honestly, the racial stereotypes this episode indulges in makes me so uncomfortable, that I feel like I'm probably not qualified to write about it. We really need some Asian-American "Sonic" nerds to weigh in on this one. And, Jesus Christ, "Sonic" is a Japanese franchise! Couldn't the show runners have asked someone at Sega if this was okay? Or at least had them clarify that kung-fu and ninjas are from two different countries! And I'm not even really mad at this specific episode – the "AoSth" writers were, as always, too rushed and lazy to worry about things like racism – so much as I'm mad at the entire culture that let casually dehumanizing shit like this happen in the first place. Anyway, I'll reel in my guilty white conscience and just rate this one a great big ol' [oof/10]. 

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.56: The Little Merhog

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.56: The Little Merhog

Original Air Date: November 26th, 1993

While it's fun to credit lonely sailors who were so horny that manatees started to look good to them with the creation of the mermaid myth, the truth is stories about people who live in the scene are as old as myths themselves. Man's relationship with the ocean, both life giving and incredibly dangerous, has always made it a source of awe and terror and wonder. The mermaid holds perhaps the most prominent place in pop culture of all seafaring myths. Part of this can be credited to Disney. The blockbuster success of 1989's "The Little Mermaid" didn't just birth the Disney Renaissance. It also led to a flood of knockoff mermaid products. Being of its time and place, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" also rode this wave of newfound mermaid fascination... Twice, actually. Airing at the opposite end of the series as "Submerged Sonic" was "The Little Merhog," another episode that had out fleet-footed hero sleeping with the fishes. 

Sonic and Tails are out fishing when Tails accidentally hooks a half-hedgehog/half-fish. The Merhog is named Merna and her underwater home of Mertopia is in danger. A villain named Captain Memo plans to demolish the city and create some extremely oceanfront property. Sonic quickly gets the scheme to alert Robotnik that another villain is trying to conquer Mobius. This leads Robotnik's own underwater forces fighting with Memo's. However, the two soon put aside their differences to conquer together, forcing Sonic and the residents of Mertopia to fight back.

"The Little Merhog" is the rarest of "AoStH" episodes: One that has actual jokes. Yes, there are several gags here that genuinely made me smile or chuckle. I guess Captain Memo's name is a not-totally-connecting pun on Captain Nemo. But the idea of a submarine pirate obsessed with dictating memorandums is likably absurd. There's a moment where Robotnik is working on his putting game, a contrast between a mundane activity and his supervillain personality. Robotnik builds a submarine with his face, because of course he does, but the show takes that to its absurd conclusion by having the torpedoes shoot out of the nostrils. At one point, the show even mocks itself a little when Sonic's catchphrase is muffled by him diving underwater. Even the throwaway moments, like monstrous leftovers in the fridge reaching for some tossed aside pizza, represent somewhat successful attempts at actual humor. Sure, there's plenty of loud wackiness and facile slapstick but "The Little Merhog" still has to rank among the funniest episodes of this show.

"The Little Merhog" is also notable for including a villain totally unrelated to Robotnik. In fact, half of this episode doesn't even have Robotnik in it. The egg man's inevitable presence leads to an unusually conniving scheme on Sonic's behalf. He decides to play "Yojimbo," hoping the two bad guys destroy each other and save the town in the process. That alone would've been a solid premise for an episode but "The Little Merhog" throws in a further swerve, when the villains fight and then team-up. The episode then reveals itself as a story of plucky underdogs standing up to their oppressors, as the Mertopians find the strength to fight their own battles. These are all tried-and-true premises but I'm shocked "AoStH" deploys them all as well as it does. 

Maybe the reason the jokes here work better than usual is that the episode kind of takes its premise seriously. Yes, the idea of an underwater kingdom of mermaid hedgehogs is ridiculous. And the motivation of a villain razing their city to the seabed to make mini-malls and condos is silly. (Though just an absurdist exaggeration of actual capitalism.) But you do feel something for the Merhogs' plight. When Memo's giant squid shaped submarine and Robotnik's Robotnik-shaped submarine go about destroying Mertopia, it feels surprisingly serious. There's still goofy sound effects laid overtop but there's not much funny about people aquatic humanoids fleeing in terror as their homes are destroyed. When Merna uses her Aquaman-like powers to summon a horde of sea life, to fight the invaders back, it's a genuine hero moment. The show actually earns that. I'm as shocked as you are. 

I want to credit "The Little Merhog's" quality to writer Jeffrey Scott but he wrote several terrible episodes too. One trademark of Scott's I have noticed is that he always writes Sonic as a ladies man. From the minute Sonic sees the comely Merna, he immediately begins flirting with her. There's a scene where the two are playfully splashing in a fountain, under a busty Merhog statue. The episode concludes with the two sharing a heart-creating smooch, the G-rated kids show version of our hero getting laid. (We can assume Merna was never seen again because Sonic ran into the age-old mermaid dilemma.) Despite a distressing close-up of Tails' foot and the queen of Mertopia's matronly bosom, this is not one of the freakishly horny episodes of this show. It's just horny in the normal way nineties kids cartoons were. 

Going into this episode, I figured it would be one of those episodes that uses vague pop culture parody as a clothesline to hang dire bits of would-be comedic cartoon chaos on. Instead, I found myself invested in the plight of the characters, amused by the goofy new villain, and actually enjoying the experience. This is a rare example of this show briefly rising out of the muck of the disposable nineties cartoon goop to deliver a halfway decent episode. If nothing else, it's a lot better than "Submerged Sonic." [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.54: Robotnikland

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.54: Robotnikland

Original Air Date: November 25th, 1993

Whether you call him Eggman or Robotnik, his motivations usually remain the same across all "Sonic" media. The villain wants to subjugate the world to his will, usually via the application of robotics. Yet an odd quirk reoccurs throughout several versions of Robotnik, including the various games, comics, and the Japanese anime. He wants to build something called "Robotnikland" or "Eggman Land." What is that exactly? While the term is sometimes synonymous with his empire in general, it seems Eggman Land is an evil amusement park based on the doctor's image. This is a ridiculous idea – that Ian Flynn tried to normalize somewhat by also making Eggman Land a factory/command base – but ya know what? Conquering the world and then building an evil amusement park based on yourself is prime supervillain stuff. 

"Robotnikland" had been part of the character's motivations from early on, so it seems likely the "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" writers drew from that when creating the eponymous episode. Robotnik converts an amusement park named Mobius Land to reflect his own sick goals. Sonic is feeling a bit lonely on his birthday, unaware that Tails is planning a surprise party, so he leaps at the invitation to the park. When he gets there, he discovers that Mobius Land has become Robotnikland, a park designed specifically to torment him. While Sonic turns the table on his rotund capturer, Tails and friends seek to free him. 

The most fascinating moment in "Robotnikland" actually has nothing to do with the amusement park premise. It's the very first scene, a peek at the horrific domesticity of the Robotnik household. Scratch and Grounder are preparing breakfast for their boss, as he smiles while reading a newspaper and sipping coffee. (And, for some reason, wearing a fez.) When Scratch presents him with pancakes instead of eggs, Robotnik smashes him over the head with the food and beats him with the server dish. Scratch collapses to the ground... And gushes blood. Okay, so I guess it's ostensibly maple syrup from the pancakes. But the visual is undeniably morbid and I'm absolutely sure that was intentional. Something as simple as being presented with a different breakfast being met with horrible violence can't help but remind me of an abusive relationship. Robotnik's punishment of Grounder is more cartoonish but, by then, the parallels are already established. It's a moment that's meant to be funny in a goofy slapstick way and instead becomes funny in a "this is kind of fucked-up" way. 

This scene sets up a mood of cruelty throughout the rest of the episode. After Sonic makes his way to the park, he quickly turns the tables on Scratch and Grounder. After they are trapped by mechanical animals, he teases and mocks them before sitting back and watching them be beaten. Later, after Sonic successfully takes over the park, Robotnik and his sidekicks are subjected to increasingly surreal torments. This includes a nightmarish dark ride where the baddies are terrorized by ghostly visions and Scratch's shadow has its head chopped off. Once again, "AoStH's" grotesque slapstick rises to the level of sadistic, Sonic laughing with glee as his enemies are tortured.

If it wasn't apparent by now, "Robotnikland" is an unusually violent and shrill episode of this typically violent and shrill series. The last few minutes just get louder and wackier and denser as the bad guys are terrorized more. Yet the signs that this is going to be an especially obnoxious episode occurs early. Robotnik traps Sonic in a massive pinball machine, a sequence which necessitates even more flashing colors, loud sounds, and bad animation than usual. What makes the pinball scene interesting, and not just annoying, is that this is not the first time "Sonic" media featured a scene like this. A similar sequence was in an episode of "SatAM" and the kids book that loosely adapted it. I can only assume this is a sequence Sega of America insisted early "Sonic" products feature, which is why it showed up so much. (This also means this episode has more pinball in it then the episode ostensibly adapting "Sonic Spinball.") 

"Robotnikland" is an episode with so much weird stuff in it that it becomes interesting. But interesting isn't the same thing as good. There was a strong premise here. Turning the amusement park, a source of fun, into a source of terror is always a good contrast to play with. "Robotnikland" does indeed veer towards horror, in that dark ride scene and an uncanny moment where Grounder wears a spooky mask. Moreover, Sonic is trapped in the park, its walls too strong to spin dash through. But "Violence Voyager" this ain't. Sonic could've been vulnerable. He begins the episode feeling a little lonely, a little letdown on his birthday, and then ends up stuck in a place made just to fuck with him. Yet this poses no challenge to the hedgehog. He immediately goes God-mode and turns every attraction against the bad guys. I wish this show would understand that every thing, even comedy, works better when the hero is at a disadvantage. 

Still, weaknesses and all, this is too odd an episode not for me to sort of like it. The guests Tails invite to Sonic's party include some familiar faces from past episodes. That would be Dr. Caninestein, Chester Cheetah, the hideous Wes Weasly customer from the "Spinball" episode, a few other guys nobody gives a shit about, Miss Possum from "Magnificent Sonic," and one of the Beach Bunnies from "Prehistoric Sonic." (Since the last two are wearing very little clothing, one assumes Sonic is getting a far more special birthday present later in the evening.) Also, this episode features some unfortunate culturally insensitive gags. Such as some brainwashed zombies – another really random moment – doing a stereotypical Egyptian walk set to stereotypical Egyptian music or Scratch having a bone through his nose while dressed as an African native. 

This is another episode from Jeffrey Scott, whose episodes are rarely forgettable, even if that might be for the wrong reasons. While not on the level of previous surreal shit-fests like "Boogey-Mania" or "Too Tall Tails," "Robotnikland" is still a memorably fucked-up dose of Sonic insanity. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.34: Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.34: Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior

Original Air Date: November 24th, 1993

Clearly, the writers of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would just make up random characters to build episodes around, which is why this show introduced so many disposable characters that were never seen again. Yet I often find myself wondering how the writers went about deciding what characters would show up in future episodes. What made Von Schlemmer and Wes Weasly worthier of further appearances than Dr. Warpnik or Katella? As far as I can tell, it was up to the individual writers. Which is probably why Mad Mike and Big Griz, the highly annoying duo known as "Da Bears" introduced in "The Robotnik Express," showed up again later down the line. Doug Booth wrote both episodes and I guess he found these ursine nincompoops especially amusing, or was totally out of other ideas, because he even gave Mad Mike title billing in his second episode. 

"Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior" begins with a rabbit named Updike fleeing from Scratch and Grounder. Apparently, Robotnik has enslaved Updike's cotton-tailed countrymen to carve a mountain into the shape of his face. Robotnik is even denying his slaves food, having littered the path to the mountain with traps. Sonic and Tails recruit Mad Mike and Big Griz to drive a tanker truck full of chili dogs up the mountain. Scratch and Grounder are on their tail, attempting to keep the life-giving substance from reaching its destination. Shenanigans ensue. 

This is another one of those "AoStH" episodes that I would describe as almost totally useless. It's an almost plotless twenty-two minutes. The runtime is filled with increasingly senseless and wacky quasi-comedic encounters, as the characters travel from point-A to point-B. There's a baffling sequence set in a swamp, that concludes with a chili-stuffed alligator falling from the sky onto Scratch and Grounder's heads. Despite being an episode about traveling and driving around in fucking trucks, it's last act is set in an inexplicable medieval castle, which includes a giant robot knight in armor. In order to defeat the knight and save the day, the tanker truck randomly transforms into a dragon. None of it is funny. It's just random, stupid bullshit happening for no reason. Throughout its run, "AoStH" repeatedly mistook wackiness for comedy and that's never been more apparent here. 

Doug Booth built "The Robotnik Express," and Da Bears' entire existence, around a lazy pop culture reference that children would be unlikely to understand. He does it again with "Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior." Yes, this is an extremely vague parody of "The Road Warrior." A tanker truck full of life giving substance recalls the groundbreaking car chase finale of George Miller's 1981 cult hit. One of the many goofy hazards the episode cooks up are a squad of amphibian bikers called "Toad Warriors." (Which actually rhymes with "Road Warrior," unlike this episode's title.) Even though the Mad Max connection is largely dropped by the end, Booth still makes sure to name the knight robot Sir Humongous, as a shout-out  to "Road Warrior's" hockey-mask clad antagonist. 

As parody, it's loose and doesn't really comment on or poke fun at the second "Mad Max" movie in any meaningful way. It's just another example of the kind of lazy pop culture references you'd see in nineties kids media. "Here's a homage to something well known or beloved, because that'll be wacky and random." Not that I'd expect many five-year-olds in 1993 to know what "The Road Warrior" was. (I might've heard the title "Mad Max" at the time but I definitely hadn't seen any of the movies or even knew what they were about.) I wouldn't expect the same kids to get the "SNL" reference of Da Bears either, so I guess Booth just didn't give a shit. He also names a rabbit character Updike, a nod to the "Rabbit, Run" series of novels by John Updike. That's a reference little kids definitely wouldn't get, so I guess Booth just threw these jokes – if you can call them "jokes" – in to amuse himself. 

Truthfully, there are moments in "Da Bear Warrior" that feel kind of inappropriate. And not in the usual "the animators were indulging in an obscure fetish of their's" way this show frequently does. Robotnik enslaves people not with wacky brain pollen or magic microchips but just by capturing them, forcing them to work, and keeping food from them. That feels kind of dark, don't you think? Later, Scratch and Grounder capture Mad Mike and interrogate him, threatening him with bodily torture. That is also a little fucked-up. Sonic saves Mike by dressing up as a German officer with a riding crop, causing Jaleel White to unleash his worst accent yet. He wears a WWI-era Keizer helmet during this, presumably because a Nazi armband would've been a little too on-the-nose. It all feels a little out-of-place. Like, I obviously don't care about offensive jokes or even including adult humor or situations in kids programming. But I don't think the children of 1993 were ready for Nazi jokes, okay? 

There's one joke in "Da Bear Warrior" that made me chuckle a little. While reading a manual on torture – see, that sounds really dark when you type it out! – Scratch mangles several words while pronouncing them out loud. Even illiteracy jokes seem mildly uncool, though not as bad as Sonic goosestepping. Also, this is only the second episode I can think of where Sonic calls Tails "Miles," which was unexpected. Also also, Scratch and Grounder pilot a rocket-powered drilling machine that resembles the Marble Garden boss battle from "Sonic 3..." A game that wasn't out yet when this cartoon was made. It's a lame, frequently shrill episode. Some of the blame lies with the writers but I doubt they were given enough time or money to produce a meaningful product. Oh well. Only seven more of these left... [4/10]