Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 36

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 36

Publication Date: January 13, 2021

In the past, after catching with IDW's ongoing "Sonic" comics, I've always tried to post reviews of the new issues as they come out. Usually, I post these reviews as bonus content on the weekends, so as not to disturb the perfect flow of my regular Monday-Wednesday-Friday updates. That never really worked for me though, as I usually just forgot to post on Sunday or whatever. I guess I've really gotten used to the rhythm of the three-updates-a-week schedule. So, from now on, new IDW reviews will pop up on one of the regular days, whenever I get around to writing them. Got it? Okay, good, let's continue.

Anyway, here we are at the last issue of "Chao Races And Badnik Chases." (Which is apparently actually entitled "Chao Races and Badnik Bases" and I've just been writing it wrong the whole time.) As an avalanche races towards the chateau, Sonic and Shadow are forced to choose between saving their friends – still Starline's prisoners on the roller coaster – and saving the innocent bystanders. Sonic makes the hard choice of stopping the avalanche. Luckily, Rouge and Tails save themselves and disengage from Starline. Meanwhile, Belle and Cream successfully free the Chao held in Clutch's suite, giving the gang the extra strength needed to defeat the unleashed Badniks. The group confront Starline one more time as they escape the building. 

Evan Stanley pulls off something surprising with this issue: She made me laugh several times. Yes, this issue is just full of chuckles. When Rouge frees herself, she gives a shout to Omega's disembodied head to activate his "auditory interference." Which means he starts screaming at Starline until he drops him, which is pretty funny. At the end, when Cream is explaining her adventure to a none-too-pleased Vanilla, Rouge vacates the area in an amusing manner. Mostly, this issue is a treasure trove of delightful reaction shots. Whether it be Sonic's shocked look when the barricade of trees he made does not stop the avalanche, Belle's eyes rolling back as the Chao burst free from their cage, or Starline deadpanning as the avalanche barrels down on him, this issue made me chuckle far more than expected. 

The levity comes at a cost though. This is a story with a time limit. Our heroes have to stop the bad guy, get the robot parts they need, and escape the building before the avalanche flattens all of it. Despite that being a good way to generate suspense, the events in Clutch's room certainly seem to take up a lot of time. Avalanches don't take that long to get down a mountainside, Evan! But it ends up not mattering. All the hotel guests were safely evacuated off-panel before the snow plows through the building, which is why there's no suspenseful panels of our heroes helping everyone get out in time. Sonic and Shadow harmlessly jump out of the newly-created snow bank at the end, totally fine. A giant wall of snow colliding with him at ramming speed doesn't seem to slow Starline down much either. Why introduce a natural disaster like that if it's not going to affect the plot more?

Looking back at "Chao Races and Badnik Chases Bases" as a whole, a concern I had early on turned out to be well-founded. Stanley just put a little too much plot, a few too many characters, into this arc. Ask yourself: What was the emotional core of this story anyway? Is it Belle being accepted among the good guys? That kind of happens on the sidelines of the main plot. Was it the effort to restore Omega? It seems like that, ostensibly the motivating force of the entire story, was often forgotten in all the competing plot lines. Stanley seems to bet on Clutch's abused Chao being freed to be what plucks at our heartstrings this time. If that's the case, Stanley should've focused more on depicting the Chao as abused victims and less as the assholes that Cheese was competing against earlier. 

Stanley should've made Belle's subplot a backstory running concurrently with the main story, to give her introduction a little more room to breathe, and resisted the temptation to indulge her Chao fetish altogether. Instead, she should've focused more on the bits of character development that grabbed me the most. I've seen people complaining about Shadow's characterization in the IDW comic. Yes, he has been an overly gruff asshole. But one must remember that this Shadow hasn't had the character development Archie's version did. We start to see his prickly exterior defrost a bit here. He's focused solely on getting revenge on Starline before Rouge points out that people might die in the avalanche, asking if he could live with that. He makes the right, moral decision and tries to stop the snowfall. (Not that it ends up mattering but never mind.) Closer to the end, while having a terse and mildly homoerotic conversation with Sonic, Shadow secretly passes an apple to the little asshole Chao that shares his likeness. That's a cute little touch, that shows Shadow isn't a relentlessly dour douchebag one hundred percent of the time, even if he's not willing to admit it. Hopefully, by this time next year, IDW Shadow will be more comfortable letting the wannabe tough guy/bad boy façade slide. 

The other bit of character development that intrigues me is Cream and Gemerl's increasingly codependent relationship. Gemerl is getting his shit wrecked a lot here of late, to the point where it's getting hard to take him seriously as a protector at all. In this issue, some simple Badniks are enough to leave him wobbly and sparking. That's when Cream has a brief heart-to-heart with the robot, informing him that it's not just his job to protect her. She can protect him too. They've got each other's back. Which is a nice moment and seems to build on the events both characters lived through during the Metal Virus saga.

Considering the announcements for the upcoming issues, it looks like Evan Stanley will remain in the head writer's chair for at least one more story arc. Which might be why she devotes some time to setting up future plot points at the tail end of this issue. Starline's motivation is revealed: He wanted to capture Tails. The final scene reveals he just grabbed a handful of his fur, which the doctor implies will be enough for whatever he's planning. Is IDW's "Sonic" headed for a clone saga or does Tails have some special property the doctor wants to exploit? Meanwhile, the exact nature of Belle's creator is being kept mysterious... Even though I thought Mr. Tinker was already confirmed to be her builder. Is Stanley planning a twist there or is she just bad as disguising her intentions? I guess we'll find out in the upcoming months. 

If it seems like I was harsh on this story arc, I'm sorry about that. I did enjoy "Chao Races and Badnik Bases" overall. Stanley pretty clearly set out to write a fun, light-hearted arc to act as a breather following a year full of turmoil and a horrible virus. (Both in and out of the comic.) I just wish she balanced her various ingredients a little better. This arc had a lot of delightful moments but lacked cohesion. If she's going to stick around as head writer, hopefully she'll get a little better at that. But I guess I'm in a good mood, as I'm still giving this issue a soft recommendation. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.27. Boogey-Mania

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.27. Boogey-Mania

Original Air Date: September 22nd, 1993

Let’s just dive right into this one. “Boogey-Mania” begins with Sonic and Tails camping in the woods. They are then joined by a phantasmatic clown, who Tails seems delighted by... Until he steals his chili dog. The duo follows the rogue trickster to a cave, where they discover Professor Von Schlemmer. The clown is the result of Von Schlemmer’s latest invention: a machine that can turn dreams into physical reality. Eager to earn the respect of the boss that hates him, Coconuts — who was spying on Sonic and Tails — reports back to Robotnik. Robotnik has Scratch and Grounder successfully steal the machine and capture Von Schlemmer. The villain then uses the machine to create a boogeyman from his own nightmares. Robotnik uses this elaborate bugbear under his control to terrorize the countryside. Sonic and Tails then uses another device of Von Schlemmer’s to enter a fantastical dream realm, in hopes of finding an answer. That answer turns out to be having Tails eat a bunch of junk food and then conjure his own, far more frightening boogeyman to defeat Robotnik’s creature. Got all that? Jesus Christ, this is a 22-minute cartoon.

I think I’ve been going about this retrospective all wrong. I’ve been approaching “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” as if it was a normal cartoon with traditional critical metrics to examine. I’ve been watching this show and asking questions like “Is the narrative compelling?” “Did it make me laugh?” “Are the characters interesting or nuanced?” “Does the plot make sense?” This has made the show incredibly difficult to review, which might explain why I’ve had to take, like, three breaks. 

Instead, I need to look at “AoStH” the same way I look at the films of Al Adamson or YouTube Finger Family videos. This show is an extended act of Dadaism, designed to willingly baffle and irritate. Certain patterns repeat every episode but the stories, fundamentally, do not matter or follow any sort of logical rules. The show isn’t really funny, the laughs that cohere being flukes of the algorithms that birthed this thing. The bright colors and annoying voices that do emerge are meant only as stimulation for young children or the very high. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” is a work of aggressive, obnoxious surrealism that is a result of a world gone mad, at the chaos and over-stimulation of modern, urban life at the end of the 20th century. 

I don’t think the writers and animators of this cartoon set out to create a work of post-modern surrealism. They were just a bunch of old guys who looked at some wacky Japanese video game and had no idea what to make of it. They were working under tight deadlines and with meager budgets to produce a commercial product. They had no higher artistic aspirations. They assumed the show was a piece of utterly disposable pop culture debris that no one would be seriously looking at twenty years later. They were mostly right but that combination of laziness, cheapness, and desperation accidentally produced a brain-melting drug trip. 

In other words, “Boogey-Mania” is the episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” that finally broke me. The previous metric I’ve been using to discuss this program is flawed. I must change or I’ll never get this fucking project done. 

With that established, what do I have to say about “Boogey-Mania?” Von Schlemmer is terrible. Because of the fucked-up differences between the production order and air order, this is the first time the character has appeared but not his introductory episode. So Sonic and Tails act like they’ve met this eccentric inventor before. If you remember the revulsion I felt towards his comic counterpart, you’ll be happy to know it only increases in response to the animated original. Visually, he has one of the most grotesque and unappealing designs out of an entire show full of grotesque and unappealing characters. His ability to invent logic-breaking devices is a result of the show’s laissez-faire surrealism, so that’s a big whatever. His other gimmick — forgetting what he’s talking about mid-conversation and saying some lulz rand0m bullshit — is just terrible. I hate him so much. Flynn really chose to out this guy in the comic book over Griff or Ari?

This episode is also our more-or-less introduction to Coconuts. He’s appeared in small roles a few times but this is the first time the robot monkey has really had a personality or an effect on the plot. While Von Schlemmer is simply terrible, there’s something endearingly pathetic about Coconuts. He’s desperate to get Robotnik’s approval, to earn a promotion or be told he’s doing a good job. Even though Coconuts is actually smarter and more resourceful than the always-doomed-to-fail Scratch and Grounder, Robotnik has nothing but contempt for Coconuts. 

Is this not a metaphor for the modern American worker, caught in an intrinsically unfair and unbeatable system? Tricked into striving for a totally unattainable dream by a social caste that despises him, that only shovels shit on top of him for reasons completely beyond his control? It’s not but let’s just pretend it is. Robotnik even has Coconuts doing demeaning, hard labor like cleaning out the sewage system. Truly, this robot just needs the right comrade to come along and radicalize him. 

Examining “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” as a work of nightmarish imagery is especially easy in light of this episode. A show that is, on the default level, a day-glo spew of insanity explicitly addressing the anti-logic of dreams is a license to go completely batshit. The sequence set within DreamsVille are absolutely mad. After Coconut arrives, he lands atop what looks like the combination of an enormous skateboard and a piece of belly button lint. An angry sasquatch appears. A multi-armed switchboard operator is among this sequence's more logical touches. Of course, there's a shout-out to Salvador Dali, who is increasingly looking like the biggest influence on this whole show. What makes the baffling quality of this dream trip even more perplexing is that it has no effect on the story at all. Our heroes could've come up with a solution to their problems without stepping a toe into the cuckoo wacky dream land.

If I remember nothing else about "Boogey-Mania," I'll remember the fucking Dream Clown. This episode aired three years after the television mini-series adaptation of Stephen King's “IT” was first broadcast. While I doubt Pennywise the Dancing Clown and a child-devouring eldritch abomination living under New England was on the writer's mind at all, I can't help but think of it. The opening scene has a clown appearing in a place a clown should not be. The child, Tails in this case, is still delighted by his wacky antics, too young to pick up on the inherent wrongness of this scenario. Luckily, the clown just steals his hot dog, instead of eating him, but the scene is still mildly unnerving. Even Sonic seems pretty put-off by the random trickster.

This episode is notable for another reason: It is the half-hour that gifted the world with PINGAS. Yes, this is where that two second sound bite of Robotnik saying “Snooping as usual,” which kind of sounds like he's saying “penis” if you speed it up a bit, originates from. Ah, where would the world be without internet humor? Honestly, it's odd that this moment is the one the internet seized on, considering “Boogey-Mania” is full of baffling, bizarre scenes. The episode is pretty painful and unfunny but I'm too terrified and perplexed not to be a little impressed. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.18. Blank Headed Eagle

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.18. Blank Headed Eagle

Original Air Date: September 21st, 1993

“Blank-Headed Eagle” may seem like one of those non-sequiturs that “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” loved but it actually makes sense in the context of this episode's story. Scratch and Grounder are fans of a superhero television series “Edgar Eagle,” about a heroic eagle with a nifty one-man helicopter. After building his own “eagle-copter,” Grounder dares Scratch to go after Sonic on his own. In the resulting crash, Scratch seemingly looses his memory and believes himself to actually be Edgar Eagle. Meanwhile, Sonic has agreed to help a turkey farmer (as in a farmer that is a turkey, not someone who farms turkeys) whose land is being threatened by Robotnik. The typical heroics of the day are complicated when the farmer's daughter falls in love with the newly heroic Scratch.

You might notice that plot synopsis is more detailed than “Adventures” episodes usually are. “Blank-Headed Eagle” has enough premise for at least two episodes. The idea of Scratch bumping his head and getting amnesia – a stock plot I'm really surprised the show hasn't done before – probably could've set up enough wacky misunderstandings and slapstick for twenty minutes. For whatever reason, writer Dennis O'Flaherty fuses that set-up with a western-style “farmer threatened by big business” story. It's not necessarily bad. Honestly, the fact that this is one of the more story-driven episodes of “Adventures” is in its favor. But it is surprising to see the show take on two well-trodden ideas in one half-hour.

 

This is also an episode that raises many questions. Someone getting conked on the head and getting amnesia, inevitably solved by another conk on the head, is as common place a television premise as you're likely to see. But it usually happens to flesh-and-blood people, not robots. Are we to assume that Scratch jogged his memory chip or something with that blow to the head? Considering how often he's smashed to bits, what was so special about this particular cerebral trauma? And let's not even get into the particulars of an organic turkey lady falling in love with an obviously robotic chicken. (Granted, that wouldn't be the only example of someone being easily confused by a person claiming to be something they obviously aren't. In fact, that's probably the most common occurrence in this show and in fact happens two other times in this episode.)

Also, I'm confused by the idea of Robotnik offering to buy the farmer's land. Isn't Robotnik a dictator? What's stopping him from just building the factory on the farmer's land anyway? It's not like he's ever paused when erecting some new factory or casino or whatever before. The episode itself seems inconsistent on this issue, as giant machines are already working on the turkey's land, even though he's explicitly hasn't taken Robotnik's offer. What kind of government is Mobius operating under anyway? Later in the episode, Edgar Eagle's actual actor seems more than happy to do a favor for Sonic. But, if Robotnik rules Mobius, Sonic is an enemy-of-the-state. How can a prominent actor get away with openly being a fan of Public Enemy #1? Do television networks receive any sort of state funding? Is Edgar Eagle, in fact, pro-Robotnik propaganda?

I am, of course, thinking way too much about this, like I always do. This is a dumb-ass comedy show and not meant to be exposed to deep thought. And “Blank-Headed Eagle” may be one of the funnier “Adventures” I've witnessed thus far. The bet Scratch and Grounder make revolves around which of the machines Robotnik “loves” more, an amusingly bizarre and childish way to frame the question. After Scratch jumps in his Eagle-Copter, Sonic dresses up as a highway patrolman and pulls him over. Which leads to some decent one-liners about wearing a seatbelt or drinking motor oil. It also leads up to the immortal line “You robot chickens make me sick!” Another decent gag occurs when Grounder answers a phone call from Robotnik and just hears incoherent growling on the other end. Or Tails' vocal annoyance when Henrietta asks him to stay behind and watch her parents. 

For every half-way decent joke, there's a lot of dumb-ass slapstick too. The sequence of Scratch being chased around his room – why does a robot have a bedroom? – when assembling his Eagle-Copter is groan worthy. As is a sequence where Sonic, Scratch, and Henrietta fall for a very obvious trap, involving a chili dog vending machine that launches the trio into low orbit. This show being what it is, there's also a lot of grotesque body horror being presents as goofy comedy. Such as Robotnik busting the buttons on a uniform Grounder attempts to squeeze him into to. Or Sonic, while barely disguised as a doctor, inflating the doctor's head or yanking his tongue out of his skull like an measuring tape.

The joke about seat belt safety, it turns out, was foreshadowing. That is also the topic of the “Sonic Says” segment. As another good example of how half-assed this show's edu-tainment segments where, the seat belt in question is inside a one-man helicopter, a vehicle most children probably will never ride inside. Not that kids needed to be told to wear a seat belt by this particular cartoon character. PSAs on that topic were rampant in the early nineties. Least we forget that the popularity of the Crash Test Dummies PSAs were such that they spawned toys and cartoons of their own. (Which, rather counter-intuitively, where designed around the idea of crashing into things.) The nineties were weird, I guess is my point.

Also of note is that this episode, in production order, follows “Over the Hill Hero.” Meaning two episodes in-a-row revolved around superheroes. I'm beginning to think that the “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” crew just wanted to make a half-assed superhero parody show instead. (Though I suppose it's a matter of debate over whether Sonic counts as a superhero.) Anyway, as dumb as this shit is, I laughed a little more than I expected. Which means “Blank-Headed Eagle” might be one of the better “Adventures” I'll go on during this journey. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.23: Grounder the Genius

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.23: Grounder the Genius

Original Air Date: September 17th, 1993

It might be hard to remember, now that we all carry the internet in our pockets, but computers were once thought of as a very exotic commodity. In the early nineties, home computers were just entrenched enough to be common place. The next wave of computer technology was fast approach. Words like “virtual reality,” “microchips,” and “the world wide web” were on everyone's lips, though most people didn't actually understand what these things could realistically do. In this environment, hack TV writers thought computers and the associated jargon were essentially magic. Considering the role robotics play in the “Sonic” universe, it's not surprising that “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” would put its stamp on the “computers can do anything!” genre.

As the title suggests, “Grounder the Genius” has Robotnik's most dim-witted robotic henchman suddenly becoming brilliant. However, that change doesn't actually take place until eight minutes into this 22 minute cartoon. The first third of the episode is devoted to Robotnik's new invention, a microchip powered helmet that should make him even smarter. Through some vaguely defined computer magic, Hacker – a mole friend of Sonic's who is, yes, a computer hacker – hijacks the program. Robotnik sends Scratch and Grounder to retrieve it and, through a mix-up, Grounder ends up getting a hold of the intelligence-boosting microchip. Grounder quickly captures Sonic, turns Scratch against Robotnik, and imprisons his former boss. But he didn't count on the power of friendship, as Tails arrives to free Sonic.

Even though I'm only ten episodes deep into my watch-through of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog,” some of the episode's have had pretty sweaty premises. “Sonic plays in the Olympics' or “Sonic helps a merman get laid” are barely stories. In this company, “Grounder becomes super-smart and turns the table on everyone” actually qualifies as a decent concept. Watching Gounder successfully outsmart everyone, turning Sonic to stone and locking up Robotnik, is satisfying to watch. At one point, Sonic tries on a disguise and attempts to hand Grounder a bomb but the newly super-smart robot sees right through the scheme. Garry Chalk, being a versatile performer, can easily play both a doofus and an erudite genius. 

Yet there's a little bit of a problem here. If “Adventures” was a serious show, this story probably would've made for a really strong episode. Sonic actually being challenged, outsmarted, and even defeated by a formerly foolish foe could've generate a lot of suspense and satisfying action. But “Adventures” is a comedy show. And the jokes just aren't here this time. Weirdly, Scratch gets most of the laughs. After the super-smart Grounder denounces Scratch's intelligence, the chicken bot says “I don't what that meant but I know it's an insult!” Which made me laugh a little. So did a scene where the chicken just assumes his new boss is making fun of him. A moment where Scratch and Grounder, pre-microchip, are pleased that they weren't crushed in their own trap – only for it to fall atop them – is recognizable as a gag. A sequence where Robotnik is transformed into a series of various balls – a tennis ball, a basketball, a football – is memorably bizarre, if nothing else.

I can't believe I'm saying this but this episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” might be too story-driven to actually be funny. A lot of the gags here – Robotnik getting his intelligence zapped at the end, Scratch smacked with his own hammer, a misunderstanding of the phrase “bait” – all come and go without even generating a groan. There are moments that almost seem to be jokes, like Grounder bickering with Robotnik about what his new job title should be. Or the bad guys almost tricking Sonic with a Tails-resembling doll. (That is not, I must stress, Tails Doll.) Yet the punchlines never quite manifest.

What truly sticks out about this episode are the things that are just.. Weird. After Robotnik's brain-enhancing helmet is introduced, there's a weird scene transition. When Scratch is ranting at Grounder, there's a weird focus on the robot chicken's teeth. Why does a robot have teeth? When trying to escape the dungeon, Robotnik runs and dodges laser blasts in a surprisingly graceful manner. I can't tell if that's sloppy animation or an actual joke. The character of Hacker, never seen before or since despite Sonic and Tails treating him like an old friend, has the exact same voice as Lucas from “Best Hedgehog.” (Ian James Corlett voices Hacker. Lucas' voice actor was uncredited but, considering Corlett also voices Coconuts, I assume it's him.) It's a little distracting and the whole computer hacking element of the story makes no sense anyway.

Once again, the “Sonic Sez” segment forgoes any schtick or jokes. Sonic addresses the audience by pointing out that real people can't get a brain upgrade like Grounder did. You have to study hard and stay focused on learning if you hope to have academic success. Sonic stops just shy of saying “It's cool to stay in school!” (Or maybe “it's way past cool to stay in school!” would've been more his style.) As far as “Sonic Sez” segments go, it's not too cringey, though this moral is still kind of weird coming from Sonic. Again, Sonic is associated with going fast and his snarky attitude, not academics. 

So it's another middling episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog,” though less actively annoying than some episodes I've seen. It's a bummer because, with a little fine-tuning, this probably could've been a lot stronger. Also, I have no proof of this but I assume Sonic being turned into stone probably spring-boarded some poor furry deviant's fetish somewhere. Let's close the review on that thought. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.05. High Stakes Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.05. High Stakes Sonic

Original Air Date: September 20th, 1993

So, after an eighth month hiatus, I am back to reviewing episodes of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.” I'll admit, I don't find writing about the “Sonic” cartoons nearly as satisfying as I do reviewing the old comics. Even “SatAM,” a show I'm rather fond of, was more difficult to get through than I anticipated. If this blog has proven nothing else, it's that the old comic book really was what was keeping my love of Sonic alive all my life. As for “Adventures,” I think my rather apparent lack of love for this show might be why updates kept slowing until they stopped. But, goddamn it, I'm determined to do this. (Do it to it, even.) So, here I am, back at the grindstone, reviewing old cartoons nobody gives a shit about. If you think my life is easy, live in my head for a couple of hours, okay?

Anyway, let's get on with it. “High-Stakes Sonic” features one of Robotnik's most elaborate plots yet. He's paying Smiley, a literal loan shark, to get a town of sheep people addicted to gambling. After loosing so much, they are then enslaved in order to help Robotnik built a sphinx in his image. Never mind that Robotnik could have just built robots to make the sphinx or just kidnapped people for slave labor without bothering with the whole casino angle. Sonic gets wind of this and investigates the casino. While undermining all of the doctor's rigged games, Tails ends up getting captured. Robotnik informs Sonic that, unless he looses a race to Grounder, he'll make sure Tails will never be seen again. Got all that?

“High Stakes Sonic” is another one of those AoStH that vaguely tie into elements from the then-recent video games. As you've probably guessed, Robotnik refers to his casino as the Casino Nights Zone. As in previous examples, the name is about where the connection to the video game stuff ends but it's nice that the show was at least trying to adapt stuff from the games. Instead of teaching kids how much fucking fun slot machines are, as the “Sonic 2” version of Casino Nights did, “High Stakes Sonic” seems to be pushing a moral about how gambling destroys mind and reaps souls. This is, presumably, the moral anyway. All the games are rigged and all the sheep end up ruined. In execution, the episode actually teaches the viewer that sheep are fucking stupid, as they repeatedly go back to the casino after being ripped off over and over again. Even Sonic seems pretty fed up with them after they race off to the casino after he saves their ass.

And speaking of races! “High Stakes Sonic's” weird narrative shift in the second half is a good example of how fucking sloppy this show can be. Most half-hours would stick to one premise, instead of deciding it wants to be both the casino episode and the race episode. (Though both are connected by the theme of wagers.) At the very least, I think it's a fitting punishment for Sonic, on Robotnik's behalf. Making Sonic, someone very proud of their speed, loose a race to piddling Grounder would be a serious blow to his ego. Of course, all of that is undermined by the show's usual jokiness. Robotnik is such an ineffectual villain, Tails successfully ties his mustache to the bars of his cage in an earlier scene.

Once again, I'm probably taking this dumb-ass shit too seriously. Is “High Stakes Sonic” funny? Only briefly. Most of the amusing moments, once again, are owed solely to Long John Baldry's performance as Robotnik. The series of insults he reserves for his incompetent robot henchmen always manage to make me crack a smile. Otherwise, there's a pretty funny line where Sonic outright asks Grounder where they keep the computers that rig the games, getting a cluelessly strait-ahead answer. When the sheep enter the casino and fail at the slot machines, they have their wool ripped off... Which would be a good visual pun on “getting fleeced,” if Sonic didn't immediately say that. This episode is a little heavy on obviousness, as Sonic breaks the fourth wall twice and makes a sphinx literally wink at the audience. Most of the jokes are sophomoric slapstick, like Sonic getting smooshed with a rock, or obvious gags like the loan shark being an actual shark. 

“High Stakes Sonic” has an easily identified moral, about how gambling is only a good way to separate yourself from your money. The “Sonic Says” segment, oddly, does not exactly follow up on this. Instead, the edu-tainment segment has Scratch and Grounder daring each other to play on train tracks, which end with them obviously being crushed by a train. Sonic spins this into a moral about how taking dangerous dares are stupid, kids. Which I guess is a moral that kids would understand more easily than how the house always wins. But I was really looking forward to Sonic explaining gambling addiction to the six-year-olds at home.

It's another episode with a mildly clever idea but a seriously weak execution, rendering it forgettable. If anything, this one is probably more memorable for bad reasons. Like Robotnik wearing a loincloth while dressed as a pharaoh, a regrettable sight. (And one of several disturbingly fleshy visual gags, such as a bus having a tongue for stairs.) I'm not really sure why the showmakers felt it was necessary for us to see that. Also, if you're wondering why I reviewed this one before “Grounder the Genius,” it's because I wrote that review months ago, forgot I had already banked it, and didn't feel like re-writing the introduction. Sorry, I'm lazy. [6/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Bad Guys: Issue 4

Sonic the Hedgehog: Bad Guys: Issue 4

Publication Date: December 23rd, 2020

Dear Hedgehogs Can't Swim readers: I am finally caught up with IDW "Sonic." In the past, I've fallen so horribly behind with the new book that I've had to do short burst of hyper-focused updates like this before. And while I will probably almost definitely have to do this again, I think I am finally hooked on IDW "Sonic" after three years of it existing. It's not the same as the Archie book I fell in love with as a kid but this iteration of "Sonic" has finally forged its own weird identity, separate from the games or previous comics. I'll try and review the new issues as they come out, posting them as Monday/Wednesday/Friday updates. (Because adding them as weekend bonuses really wasn't working for me.) I'm still deliberating whether or not to go ahead with my Best of/Worst of list for 2020 or wait until issue 36 of the main book comes out. 

Anyway, enough about me! Let's talk about issue 4 of "Bad Guys!" As his plan comes crashing down on him, Starline has to make a quick escape from the clutches of his former teammates. Using his new superpowers, he quickly disposed of Rough and Tumble but Zavok proves trickier. Mimic betrays everybody and alerts Eggman to what's going on, before bouncing out of there. Eggman assumes Zavok is behind the entire enterprise, flattening the base with explosives. The Zeti lives and Starline gets what he wanted in the end: a small chunk of Eggman's empire. 

From the minute "Bad Guys" started, it was inevitable that Starline's plan was going to implode on itself. Zavok was aware of his treachery and it was only a matter of time before he made his play. But, I'll admit, I'm a little disappointed with how the implosion goes down. Starline's scheme is revealed but he immediately escapes. We never even get a showdown between the platypus and Zavok, which is what I figured the comic had been building towards. Flynn even gave Starline abilities that would make him Zavok's physical equal and still avoids a direct confrontation. I can't believe I'm chastising Flynn for not including a fight scene but it is anticlimactic that Starline really doesn't face any consequences for betraying his teammates. 

My big issue with "Bad Guys'" ending is that nobody faces consequences. Starline immobilizes Rough and Tumble with his poison spurs but they still have the strength to wiggle out of the base before Eggman bombs it. Mimic peaces out long before the pyrotechnics begin. Despite being caught in the explosion, Zavok survives and walks away bruised but intact. I know Sega never would've allowed Flynn to kill off a game character but he could've at least implied the Zeti's death, in order to build suspense for his inevitable return. And, in retrospect, it was pretty dumb of Starline to give his homies weapons but did not booby-trap them. Did he really expect to outsmart them the entire time? What a chode! 

The last issue of "Bad Guys" had me wondering what the point of all this was until its final pages. The status quo seems more-or-less restored at the end. Mimic is still out there, looking for revenge on Whisper. Rough and Tumble are free agents once again. Zavok is likely heading back to reunite with the rest of the Deadly Six. It seemed, in the long run, the only thing this mini-series really does is put everyone back to where they were right before the Metal Virus saga began. (Making me wonder what the point of that year-long event was once again.)

Except Starline has changed. Zavok's words really did get to him. He no longer wants to become Eggman's BFF, realizing the doctor is too flawed to ever achieve his goal of total world domination. Instead, he desires supplanting Eggman all together, conquering the planet totally on his own. Which finally gives a character I've always found somewhat irregular a proper characterization. (And it's also clearly what Flynn had been building towards from the moment he introduced him.) And thus, the "Sonic" comic gains another strong, secondary antagonist. Which was almost worth torpedoing "Bad Guys'" climax for, I guess. 

I'm fine with Starline becoming a fully-formed baddy. I'm less satisfied with him becoming a hyper-confident badass. Flynn gave Starline the Tri-Core and all the associated superpowers not to give him an awesome confrontation with Zavok but to make him more of a creditable threat in the future, I suppose. But watching the guy zip around Rough and Tumble, disposing of them in seconds with his poisonous elf boots, isn't very interesting. Egomaniacal smarty-pants like Starline are best left as intellectual threats, because they become completely insufferable if they're as all-powerful as they think they are... Unless Flynn is planning on making Starline the big bad of 2021's main story arc. We'll see but right now I'm not loving it. 

Starline becoming the comic's primary threat would make sense though, since Eggman has been dropping the ball more and more here of late. At the end of the issue, he realizes Zavok isn't smart enough on his own to pull off all these raids. Yet he also never connects the dots, wondering if maybe that sidekick he betrayed not too long ago might be responsible. After his embarrassing performance in the "Recovery" two-parter, I'm really not loving this trend of Eggman being a dumbass. The excuse of "he's still frazzled after the Metal Virus catastrophe" is only going to wash for so long, Ian. 

Anyway, I suppose I still liked "Bad Guys" well enough overall. It definitely eats it a little in the second half but those first two issues were really strong. The weird helpful/antagonistic dynamic between Starline and Zavok was so good, I honestly wish Flynn could have kept that going for longer. If this mini-series had been six issues, instead of four, it would probably feel less rushed and more satisfying. As it is, I am forced to hand out another [6/10] and end 2020 on a whimper. 

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 35

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 35

Publication Date: December 2nd, 2020

So here’s something that personally pleased my OCD. IDW packed the last two months of 2020 with “Sonic” content, insuring that both the “Chao Races and Badnik Chases” story arc in the main book and the “Bad Guys” mini-series wrapped up before the year ends. (Issue 36 of “Sonic” came out on the 30th of December, just barely squeaking in.) Which means both arcs will be under consideration for my yearly Best/Worst. That makes me happy, that I can really consider the year as a full entity, instead of having to judge any unfinished. This means nothing to most readers but, ya know, I gotta be me.

[Update: Nevermind, the last issue got delayed so just disregard this entire paragraph]

Anyway, part three of “Chao Races and Badnik Chases” picks up with Sonic, Tails, and Belle in an Eggman base full of exploding Badniks. With some quick assistance from their new puppet friend, Sonic and Tails make it out. That’s when an emergency call from Rouge calls the trio away to White Park. Sonic drops Belle off with Amy and Cream, to help free the abused Chao. That’s when Clutch awakens and summons some Badniks if his own, complicating matters. Tails wants to help Rouge and immediately gets his dumb ass captured. He awakens in a careening roller coaster with Rouge, who reports she was brainwashed by a mysterious stranger. Sonic and Shadow swoop in to help, though the asshole behind these shenanigans has other plans. 

Earlier in this story arc, I wondered if Evan Stanley would be able to balance the various plot points she was juggling. Turns out, this was a valid concern! “Chao Races and Badnik Chases” starts to go off-the-rails — lol rollercoaster pun — in its third installments. Stanley has trouble keeping track of where all her characters are. Belle has to get in Clutch’s penthouse, to help unlock those Chao and prove her worthiness. Meanwhile, Tails needs to end up in that rollercoaster, so Sonic has someone to rescue. Yet, to keep the stakes continuously rising, Stanley introduces more evil robots for Amy to fight. This ends up making Sonic look like an ass, as he immediately abandons Amy and friends just when he was needed the most. You know things are getting a little convoluted when Stanley has to introduce magical mind control to ensure all the characters are moving in the directions she needs them to.

It’s a little frustrating to see the plot get jumbled up like this and to see the characters get lost in the shuffle. It’s nothing new for this comic, as Stanley follows in Flynn’s footsteps by adding bigger and bigger action scenes. Twice in this issue, a sudden tidal wave of Badniks show up to complicate things for our heroes. This makes sense for an Eggman base but seems slightly random in Clutch’s penthouse. Wouldn’t it have made more sense for everyone to gather by the roller coaster for the big finale next issue? But, no, we need more action now now NOW. So Stanley throws in a neigh-indestructible giant polar bear robot for Amy and Gemerl to battle. This also allows Clutch to escape, insuring they’ll meet again and always in more sexy and exciting ways. Another example of narrative logic being sacrificed for comic-book-y impulses. 

I guess that’s just par the course for comics. Something that’s also par for this specific hedgehog-related course is characters being immediately defined by their superpowers. Belle had a promising introduction last issue, as a sad toy eager to find an inventor who no longer exists. I imagine Belle’s Quixotic quest to reunite with Mr. Tinker will come up again. For now, she’s a puppet girl with lock-picking tools in her finger tips, a gimmick which just happens to be useful to our heroes at that exact moment. Maybe it’s just me but I’m more interested in Belle’s psychosis than her superpowers. Also, the good guys immediately integrate this former Eggman robot into their team, which probably isn’t the best idea. There should be a probationary screening period before someone can join the Restoration.

The fucked-up plot doesn’t really start to move smoothly again until the final third. Once the strangled set-up for getting everyone in place is passed, Stanley creates a pretty cool action sequences. A roller coaster is a dynamic setting for a fight. Shadow’s reappearance is nicely dramatic. The issue ends on one hell of a cliffhanger, with an avalanche heading towards the hotel. Yet there’s a problem with these events as well. Stanley reveals who the mysterious parka wearer with the glow-y hands is. It’s Starline, which is not as cool as the ideas I had and also spoils the end of “Bad Guys.” Now we know Starline makes it out of that story just fine and seemingly with more superpowers than ever before. I doubt this was Stanley’s fault and might have been a scheduling mishap. But, damn, you couldn’t have held off on that reveal for another month?

About the only character development we get in this issue centers around Amy. She continues to be pulled in two by her desire to be a useful, strong Freedom Fighter Restorer(?) and her nostalgia for simpler days. She gets all blushy and shy when Sonic drops in, her crush clearly still intact. At the same time, she is determined to topple the bear-bot. After her recent abandonment of her Restoration leader role, she’s eager to prove to herself that she’s still a competent warrior. This would actually put that really shitty moment from a few months back — where she fled from Eggman during the victory party — in a better context. Amy still wants to be a bad-ass but she’s been overwhelmed here of late. She’s basically having an apocalypse-induced breakdown. I feel ya, Amy. Hopefully the book is actually building towards something with this and it’s not just Sega’s corporate mandates fucking the comic’s characterization.

Evan Stanley wrote and drew the last two issues, which is a lot for one person to manage. So, for issue 35, Adam Bryce Thomas was drafted to handle the art duties. I wonder if this wasn’t a last minute decision, as Thomas’ work is not up to his usual standards. In fact, the action scenes are a little hard to follow here. I’m still not entirely sure what happened in the first scene in the Eggman base. There’s a little too much leaping and speeding around for me to keep track of everything. Amy fights with the ursine Badnik is also a little incoherent. It’s possible that Thomas’ love of stylized action scenes might have gotten a little ahead of him here. Or maybe he was just on a tight deadline. Obviously the dude is talented so I’m just chalking this one up to an off day. 

After two enjoyable issues, “Chao Races and Badnik Chases” starts to eat its own tail a little, an event I foresaw happening. Stanley probably should’ve just focused on Amy, Rouge, and Cream sneaking around a casino, instead of trying to cram in two or three other plot points into this story arc. Maybe it’ll all come together swimmingly next issue. As for this one, I’m afraid I have to hand out another [6/10].