Sonic X, Episode 3.16. A Revolutionary Tale

Sonic X, Episode 3.16. A Revolutionary Tale

Japanese Title: On a Destroyed Planet

U.S. Air Date: February 18th, 2006

Japanese Air Date: April 16th, 2020

I talked before about how many of the season one episodes of "Sonic X" actually didn't feature Sonic that much. This has been less common as the series turned more towards adapting the games and season three's space opera plot... But here's an exception. "A Revolutionary Tale" has Eggman, while searching for more Chaos Emeralds, come upon a cosmic battle between the Metarex and a human-like race. After the Crimson Egg is attacked during the fray, Shadow is ordered to leap into action. He saves the humans, drawing the attention of rebel leader Molly. She explains that her planet, already missing its life-giving planet egg, is fighting a losing battle against the Metarex. Eggman is only really interested in the Chaos Emerald the locals possess but Shadow and Rouge are soon entangled in the conflict. 

It's always an interesting idea to flip a show's traditional conflict a little bit. Usually, in series like this, we get to see the bad guys be good only during brief truces against greater foes or mirror universe shenanigans. Here, Team Eggman almost literally wander into some other conflict. Molly and her friends have no idea that Eggman is a villain, that Shadow and Rouge are more like antiheroes. By inserting the show's typical group of antagonists into a very different type of setting, it allows the show's antagonist to become the hero of another story. That's an interesting idea – that circumstances more than anything else dictate who the heroes and villains really are – and continues season three's more sympathetic rendition of Eggman. 

 

And when I say this is a very different type of setting, I mean it. At times, "A Revolutionary Tale" really feels like a crossover with some unrelated anime. Molly and her team are introduced in Hoth snowspeeder like ships, fighting an intergalactic war against the Metarex. It's a conflict that's been going on for some time, a grim story full of loss, defeat, and violence. Not really what you expect from a show about a blue hedgehog that runs fast. The episode seems to acknowledge that it's dropped some "Sonic" supporting characters into a totally different genre, when it has Bocoe and Decoe show up in a mech that heavily resembles a Zaku mobile suit from the original "Gundam." I don't think this episode was a back door pilot for another series but that's kind of what it feels like at times. 

Molly and the rest of her race, by the way, just look like regular cutesy anime people. In fact, I mistook Molly for Chris' friend Frances at first. The name of her planet isn't even mentioned in the episode itself – the eyecatch card reveals that it's named "Cascade" – and their names are all very anglo. It all feels like it could be a future Earth or something... At least until Molly reveals that Cascade once led a fearsome galactic empire that waged multiple wars and conquered many other planets. She doesn't seem to have any guilt about this and, in fact, seems to want to reinstate the Cascadian empire to its former glory. So maybe it is America after all. 

I don't know if the implication that Cascade wasn't such a nice planet is an intentional bit of ambiguity or just weird writing. Either way, this episode does paint the grim darkness of war as a complicated, morally compromising affair. Molly's best friend seems to be this guy in a futuristic latex onesie named Leon. As she heads off with Shadow and Rouge to retrieve a Chaos Emerald, he asks her to open a specific cabinet at the office. When she does so, a bomb goes off. Leon, it turns out, has sold his species out to the Metarex. Surprisingly, the show does not depict Leon as just a heartless traitor. Instead, he's tired of the war, thinks Cascade is a lost cause, and just wants to survive with what he has left. (Unsurprisingly, the Metarex immediately double-cross him.) Once again, I'd expect this kind of thing in "Gundam" or "Robotech" but not "Sonic X."

I've spent most of this review talking about the space war shit. But that's really not the most interesting thing about the episode. Instead, Shadow's relationship with Molly is where the depth comes from. The minute he flies through space, destroys the Metarex ships, and saves her life, Molly mistakes Shadow for the Black Wind. That's a legendary hero from Cascadian lore. Shadow, of course, is gruff and stand-of-ish... But Molly quickly makes an impact on him, when she talks about how she wants to keep fighting. How she wants her dream – of galactic imperiousness, I guess – to live on. Shadow clearly has a soft spot for doe-eyed, moé humans. More than once, Molly's similarities to Maria or Chris are subtly brought up. It's a dynamic, the moody bad-ass forging a connection with some tragic cutey-pie, that works nicely. 

In fact, Molly has something else in common with Maria. Spoiler alert for a fifteen-year-old cartoon that, if you're reading this, you've probably already seen: Molly fucking dies. After becoming aware of Leon's treachery, she makes a suicide run at the invading Metarex. Molly makes meaningful eye contact with Shadow as he flies by before her ship is blown up. Her death prompts Shadow into a roaring rampage of revenge that destroys the entire fleet. I thought, at first, surely, this children's cartoon will puss out. But the final scene has Shadow and Rouge sadly standing around Molly's grave. This makes the connection Shadow forges with the girl, however brief it was, rather meaningful. 

It also has to make "A Revolutionary Tale" the grimmest episode of "Sonic X." The Metarex has been driven off but Cascade is still screwed. Their world is dying and what resources they have left are dwindling from losing a war. Pale Bayleaf, the taciturn Metarex boss who led this invasion, isn't even dead at the end. So there's nothing much stopping the empire from turning around and completely fucking nuking Cascade from orbit now. It seems Shadow promising to carry Molly's memory with him, in his own quiet way, is the sole light at the end of this tunnel.

Unsurprisingly, 4Kids wimped the fuck out and changed the ending. Instead of being exploded by Pale Bayleaf, the American cut depicts Molly simply flying away at the end of the battle. The gravestone was digitally removed from the final scene, with the dubbed over dialogue being totally changed. The entire emotional heart of the story is wrenched out in the name of protecting kids from dramatic storylines or whatever. I am not surprised but somehow still disappointed 4Kids would take such a intense moment and crowbar it apart in the most awkward fashion possible. Man, fuck those rice ball hating asshats.

Gotta say, I admire "Sonic X" for going this hard. "A Revolutionary Tale" is still kind of a weird episode, because it's so very different from the rest of the series. Imagine if this was the first episode of "Sonic X" you ever saw and then you went back and watched season one! Aside from an opening scene of a bathing (but still seemingly clothed) Rouge taunting Bokkun, as well Docoe and Becoe wishing their boss was as cute as Molly, there's not much levity either. As unlike the rest of the show as this is, in form and content, I still have to give it some major props. I'm really feeling like I've got to give this one a [8/10]. I know, I'm surprised too! 

Sonic X, Episode 3.15: Teasing Time

Sonic X, Episode 3.15: Teasing Time

Japanese Title: Black Trap

U.S. Air Date: February 11th, 2006

Japanese Air Date: April 15th, 2020

I hate to open another review by talking about the differences between the sub and dub titles again. But it's really noticeable this time. Once again, 4Kids' dub went for a goofy, comedic title. "Teasing Time" does not exactly strike fear into the heart. Teasing is a mild form of bullying, that children usually do to each other, and it can even be affectionate. In contrast, the Japanese title is "Black Trap." That suggests both the literal darkness of the villainous scheme in this episode as well as the figurative grimness of the plan. As goofy as this show is in any language, it's apparent 4Kids had wanted to project a slightly different tone in its dub. 

So what is the black trap Sonic and the gang fall into? The Metarex dimension – or galaxy or whatever – is pitch black. The Blue Typhoon has been beset by constant attacks by Metarex ships, wearing down their tolerance. Sonic suggests a spontaneous route change and that soon brings them to a blasted out, dead planet. Inside is 500 fake Chaos Emeralds. Black Narcissus personally invites Cosmo, promising to reveal a secret to her. It's a trap to capture her... And since Chris secretly followed her, he gets captured too. Sonic blasts into the base, enraged, which has an unexpected interaction with the replica emeralds. 

I know when I started this retrospective, I said I had little knowledge of "Sonic X." Well, that was mostly true but I have picked up a few bits of knowledge about the show over the years. Alongside Cosmo and an alien menace, I knew season three of "Sonic X" also marked the sole appearance of Dark Sonic. When his bad mood combines with the phony emeralds, Sonic turns into a blackened version of Super Sonic, who seems a little more brutal than his usual self. This super form is on-screen only for a few minutes. In that time, all he does is shred some souped-up Metarex henchmen. Eggman then talks the hedgehog out of his bad mood and that's the end of Dark Sonic. 

Despite his extremely brief screen time, Dark Sonic would become an instant hit with fans. The character probably has the most disproportionate ratio between amount of time on-screen and the amount of fan art of him. This fandom popularity is not surprising as, anytime an evil version of Sonic is introduced, he immediately becomes beloved by fans. This is probably because "Sonic" dorks love the blue hedgehog above all else and evil is sexy, so the combination is irresistible. (And it probably has a lot to do with a juvenile fascination with edginess.) So it doesn't matter that Dark Sonic barely appears. Or that he isn't so much a "dark" version of Sonic as he is a grumpier and less quippy version. Sega was probably aware of this, as a similarly corrupted super form would appear in the games a year after this episode aired. 

I'm not even sure Dark Sonic's debatable darkness is even unwarranted. In this episode, the heroes get a close-up look at the Metarex empire's calculating cruelty. Upon arriving at this planet, they discover it covered in craters and completely devoid of life. The Metarex bombarded the small plantoid until it was a blasted-out husk, everything on it dead. Later, Black Narcissus uses children as bait, seems to mildly torture Cosmo by locking her in a low-oxygen environment, and draws blood by karate chopping Chris. If anybody deserves a "dark" response, it's this guy. 

And Black Narcissus is, if nothing else, a more compelling baddy than the dumb brute Yellow Zelkova. He doesn't just physically harm his smaller, weaker opponents. He seems to enjoy it too. He also sits back and lets his henchmen do the heavy lifting, suggesting a certain passivity to his sadism. He chides Dark Oak early on for not "playing with him" more. True to his namesake, he's also very vain for a robot. These features, as well as his effeminate voice and slender frame, continue to mark Dark Oak as the slightly problematic Evil Bishonen villain type common to anime. TV Tropes even refers to him as an Evil Chick, despite Narcissus being male and a robot. 

This episode also continues to tease out the lore behind Cosmo and the Metarex. Black Narcissus lures the plant girl to his lair by promising to reveal the secret connection between Cosmo's race and the Metarex. I've kind of already guessed it – again, all these guys being named after trees is a giveaway – but it's clearly news to her. I like that Cosmo goes off on her own, as it continues to depict the shame she feels – she can't burden her friends with this – and shows that she's growing more confident. I also like that Chris tries to save her, as these two haven't interacted much. It reinforces the theme of friendship from the other episode. It also allows Chris to be a resourceful super-genius, while showing he's still vulnerable since he immediately gets put in traction for his actions. 

Probably the most surprising thing about this pretty good episode is who shows up to save the day at the end. Eggman, who has spent two and a half seasons trying to defeat Sonic, comes to the heroes' aid. I don't know if this is because Eggman is operating under an "only I'm allowed to defeat you" clause, if he realizes he can't conquer a universe the Metarex have destroyed, or if he's actually grown fond of Sonic over the years. Considering he chastises Black Narcissus for his cruelty, maybe it's because even Eggman has his limits. Either way, it's kind of a delightful plot turn. Especially once Decoe and Bocoe show an unexpected physical strength against Black Narcissus. It's good that season three is allowing a little more depth to all its villains.

Of course, serial goofballs like Decoe and Bocoe fighting off, and even physically wounding, a big bad like Black Narcissus is a joke. It's an amusing gag too, beefed up by a brief flash of higher quality animation. Despite being a darker episode, "Black Trap" actually continued the show's absurd sense of humor. Mainly through lines of dialogue that break the fourth wall. Knuckles points out that Sonic has more dialogue than usual. Later, he's annoyed that other people are telling him what his character would do. Lastly, after kicking Black Narcissus in the face, Rouge informs us that we should contact the producers if we want to see more of her. Good to know this show can still get wacky even when tortured children are a plot point. 

Ultimately, it's a good episode and a big improvement over the last one. I like it when this show has really big stakes, when it challenges and changes its cast, when the threats are compelling, and when it all moves the story forward too. Really, I'm not sure I could ask for more from this show. Season three has been wildly inconsistent thus far but hopefully it's a little more like this as we head into the last act. [710]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Imposter Syndrome: Issue 4

Sonic the Hedgehog: Imposter Syndrome: Issue 4

Publication Date: May 11th, 2022

By alternating between new issues of the main "Sonic" book and "Imposter Syndrome," IDW found a not too irritating way to stretch out the story and continuously build hype. Instead of the comics just prolonging the point, the readers literally had to wait until the next month to see where things are going. This has kept the "Sonic" fandom eagerly anticipating the adventures of Surge and Kit. We haven't just had to wait four months. We've had to wait eight. And so, we are finally here, at the final issue of "Imposter Syndrome." But if you are expecting anything like a sense of finality, prepare to be disappointed. 

After what feels like months of preparation, but has probably only been a few weeks in-universe, Starline and the imposters make their first big move against Eggman. They sneak into one of his bigger bases. Unlike previous strikes, they make no attempt to disguise themselves. Starline wants his former mentor to know he's responsible for this. Soon, the scientist has seized control of the tower and uses it to bend every Badnik in the area to his will. (Explaining the events in the previous issue of "Sonic.") Eggman attempts to escape but Starline seems certain he's got him pinned. Even Metal Sonic isn't enough to stop Surge and Kit, who are quietly planning their own scheme in the background. 

Both of IDW's previous "Sonic" mini-series told mostly self-contained stories. Very little of the events of "Tangle and Whisper" were directly tied to the main book's ongoing story at the time. Yeah, you had to read all of IDW's previous "Sonic" material to know who Starline, Mimic, Rough and Tumble were. (And figure out what this incarnation of Zavok's specific deal is.) But "Bad Guys" still had a complete story of its own. "Imposter Syndrome," on the other hand, has been much more closely tied to the on-going series. Surge and Kit have weaved in-and-out of the main book's events, while their own series expanded more on what was going on with them. Basically, if you weren't reading both series at this point, you would probably be a little lost. 

Now that we are at the final issue of "Imposter Syndrome," it's totally obvious why Ian Flynn chose this strategy. Since IDW "Sonic" is coming up on its first big anniversary issue, clearly they wanted to plan some big event. Yet the series has taken a more low-key, character driven approach since the end of the Metal Virus Saga – to somewhat mixed results – and wasn't really ready for any huge payoff in time for issue 50. So a scheme was concocted: Some hot new foes would be introduced. In order to free up the main comic to do its own thing, these adversaries would get their own mini-series. This way the new villains could be thoroughly established while being kept separate from our heroes. Now, issue 50 isn't just the comic's four year anniversary. It'll be the first brawl between Sonic/Tails and Surge/Kit.

That's right. "Imposter Syndrome" has now ended and Surge and Kit have still not met Sonic and Tails. You know, the event promised on every single regular cover of this series. Now its very clear that this was never the plan. This royal rumble was always meant to happen in issue 50! "Imposter Syndrome" has been jerking us along all year, building towards an event it never intended to portray. In other words: The entirety of this mini-series was nothing more than an extended advertisement for issue 50. "Imposter Syndrome" does not end with its own conclusion. It simply stops, begging the reader to pick up issue 50 when it comes out next month. I'm not going to lie, I feel fucking cheated. I paid for a movie and got a trailer instead.

This makes the structure of "Imposter Syndrome" all the more frustrating. Ya know, a lot of this mini-series focused on training routines. These events were obviously meant to flesh out Surge and Kit more, to show their weird bond and dysfunctional personalities growing. Obviously, Starline wasn't going to deploy his new supervillains without testing them out first, Yet, now being at the end of this mini-series, it really feels like not a whole lot happened here. The only issue that really gave us any new information, that grew Surge and Kit in a meaningful way, was issue 3. We learned part of their story and their plan to undermine Starline took root. Every other issue just feels like it was routine action scenes with some cute banter between these still kind-of one-note newbies and Starline pontificating on his love/hate relationship with Eggman. 

That's essentially the structure this issue follows to. Yeah, there is something of a main event here. Surge and Kit take down Metal Sonic. It's good action sequence too, with Thomas Rothlisberger contributing some concise and controlled artwork. The way the duo defeats the robotic double is even kind of clever, as apparently metallic hedgehogs can't swim either. (Though having the new guys effortlessly trounce a fan favorite villain really does seem like a desperate attempt to make the imposters seem like serious threats, while undercutting Metal Sonic's threat level. In pro-wrestling terms, this fight is an attempt to put over Surge and Kit and it shows.) The other action scenes, where the imposters wreck a series of cameos from classic Badniks, are also well done. I especially like the moment when Kit tosses one of Coconut's exploding, uh, coconuts back at him. 

Yet I just can't escape the feeling that this entire mini-series was four issues of build-up to yet more build-up. Was there anything here that really made this issue satisfying or exciting, cute or memorable? Surge and Kit have some likable banter. I like how she calls him "Drippy." The opening flashback has Eggman delivering the hilariously dry line “I like theme parks.” Cubot and Orbot drop in for a few panels of amusing dialogue. Eggman's response to Starline announcing his takeover is likably nonplussed. He simply scowls and quietly leaves the room. Ultimately, though, we are still no closer to understanding these characters than we were at the end of last month. The exact machinations of Starline's scheme remain unrevealed. As brilliant as he proclaims to be, he still doesn't calculate the obvious possibility that Eggman would have an escape route planned for a scenario just like this. Surge still spends more time bragging about how tough she is than actually being tough, while Kit remains her doddering sidekick. 

Maybe if Flynn had gone a bit nonlinear on this one, ending the issue on the reveal of what Starline did to Surge and Kit and the anticipation of their betrayal, it would work a lot better. Instead, the blunt conclusion to "Imposter Syndrome" reveals the entire mini-series as all hype and little substance. Surge and Kit clearly can't evolve as characters until after they confront Sonic and their boss. And IDW won't let the series actually do that until the big five-oh. Everything the duo's debut series actually accomplishes could have been done with some concise back-up stories. I know these two are already beloved – the back of this issue is full of lovingly rendered fan art – but I still more perturbed than satisfied with this entire thing. Even if issue 50 is fucking great, the majority of "Imposter Syndrome" will still feel like a waste of time. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Free Comic Book Day 2022

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Free Comic Book Day 2022

Publication Date: May 7th, 2022

It's easy to see why the "Sonic the Hedgehog" comic series has been a semi-regular participant in Free Comic Book Day since 2007. Free Comic Book Day is a way for comic companies to promote their product and attract new audiences. (As well as drawing new business to small local comic shops.) "Sonic" has appeared across numerous medias, so it's a well-known franchise that can grab the attention of folks who maybe don't otherwise read comic books. "Sonic" is also popular with kids, exactly the audience that can be transformed into life-long fans (and buyers) of the medium with just a single book. So I was not surprised when IDW continued Archie's tradition of including a "Sonic" book in all the FCBD goodies. 

What did surprise me is that Free Comic Book Day is in its traditional homelands of May this year, after COVID related shenanigans had it moving to April last year. I went on vacation last week – Universal Studios was fun, by the way – and wasn't reminded that FCBD had been the weekend I left until later in the week. So here I am playing catch-up, like I too often am doing. That's also why I'll have a review of the final issue of "Imposter Syndrome" next time. 

Anyway, "Sonic's" 2022 FCBD issue contains mostly new content in the form of two stories. The first of which is called "Deep Trouble." It involves Knuckles calling Sonic and Tails to Angel Island. While the guardian is still crabby about the Metal Virus endangering his home, he concedes he needs the duo's help on this new mystery. There's been strange earthquakes throughout the Marble Garden Zone and the echidna isn't sure what do make of it. As the trio explores further, they soon uncover the responsible party: Eggman, in a fancy drilling machine. 

One of the more common criticisms I've heard of IDW's "Sonic" stuff has been the lack of appearances of a certain character. Presumably because Sega mandates insist he constantly be chained to the Master Emerald, or weariness over comics using the echidna after the whole Ken Penders debacle, Knuckles hasn't had as big of a role in these comics as many fans would like. Flynn's best reasoning for this has been to write Knuckles as an isolationist, fanatically devoted to his job and resentful of the rest of the world for endangering his beloved island. I find this whole ordeal kind of lame but "Deep Trouble" at least rolls with it in as annoyance-free a manner as possible. Knuckles is still grumpy about the Zombot outbreak but he's willing to put all that aside when he needs a little help from his friends.

Ultimately, "Deep Trouble" is really kind of a nothing story. Sonic and Tails show up on Angel Island and Knuckles tells them about a problem. They immediately run into the source of that problem and, within the span of five quick pages, defeat it. You get the impression that not a lot of time or resources are allocated for these Free Comic Book Day issues. (After all, Archie frequently would just throw some reprints together for the day.) I imagine Flynn wrote this whole story in an afternoon and didn't out too much thought into it. Perhaps realizing how thin the gruel is, the author at least enlivens the proceedings with a little witty banter. Stern and serious Knuckles and flippant Sonic, as always, make ideal foils for each other. The hedgehog and Tails prattle a little about how to pronounce the name of "Sonic 3's" second zone. Eggman and the good guys trade some amusing quips. It's not a lot but it at least makes a story that doesn't amount to much more than "Sonic and friends find Eggman and then beat him" worth reading.

And this brief little story May gave us a preview of what the comic could get up to once its current story arc is resolved. We are told a little bit about what Knuckles has been up to in the nineteen months since he last appeared in the comic. He's been scouring Angel Island for any remaining trace of the Metal Virus and has, along the way, discovered numerous hidden passageways and secret spaces on the island. His dialogue reemphasizes that there's still a lot of mysteries surrounding the island. Is this a suggestion that Sega is finally allowing Flynn and the gang to flesh out the backstory of Knuckles' home land a little bit? Or is it just a tease for information that the company will never allow the book to elaborate on, least it disrupt Knuckles' status as a vaguely defined corporate mascot? I guess we'll found out eventually. Either way, I'm intrigued by the bread crumbs left here. 

If I have any complaint about this story, aside from it being short and simple, is that Eggman goes down like a little bitch. When exactly this story is set isn't specified. Obviously, it's some point after the end of the Metal Virus Saga and presumably a bit before the current storyline the comic is wrapped up in. I suspect the story might be set slightly after "Recovery," that period in the comic when Eggman clearly had no idea what he was doing. He says he's drilling on Angel Island for precious materials of some sort. (Maybe to help build whatever the thing in the "Test Run" arc was.) All Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles have to do is whack his EggMobile a couple of times, Swiss cheesing his armor, before the villain flies off with his tail between his legs. I guess this is what happens at the end of every stage in the Genesis games but it doesn't deflect the perception of Eggman as an aimless, incompetent supervillain. 

The script being simple isn't the only sign that this issue was maybe rushed out. Bracardi Curry does the artwork here. Curry's work is usually of a pretty high quality. And it's not bad here either. But it is slightly looser than his pencils usually are. The expressions are a little cartoonier. The body language is a bit more exaggerated. I don't mind any of this stuff and it's a fun-looking story. A panel of Eggman looking all stretched out while stressing in his cockpit is notable. But it's also a little goofier, a little less studied and fleshed out, than the art usually is in this comic. I get the impression that there just wasn't time for Curry to do a second pass on these pages. 

As in last year's "Sonic" Free Comic Book Day edition, the second story here isn't really much of a story. "Prelude to Disaster" is, instead, basically a clip show. It's just a short summation of the book's first four years worth of stories. It runs us quickly through the Metal Sonic takeover, the Zombot outbreak, the "Bad Guys" mini-series, and the run-up to the current "Imposter Syndrome" arc. At the very least, the story is not just a primer for any novices picking up an IDW "Sonic" comic for the first time. It is framed as a conversation – or maybe more of a monologue – from Starline to Surge and Kit. Occasionally, Surge will pipe in with some smart-ass comment or Kit will stutter through a line. It's still a glorified recap. There's no new art here, as far as I can tell, but at least some attempt was made to make this more than just an advertisement for IDW's various collection of back issues. 

Though there are literally several advertisements for collections in this comic book. Including one seemingly thrown together to cash in on the second "Sonic" movie, devoted to stories focusing on Sonic and Tails' friendship. Also, in the fan art section, there's a pretty cool Belle custom action figure. As for 2022's FCBD issue, it's pretty inessential. I would've preferred another cute Classic Sonic story like last year. But this is an inoffensive comic with one or two cute moments, even if it's clearly pitched at newcomers. [6/10]

Sonic X, Episode 3.14: Clash in the Cloister

Sonic X, Episode 3.14: Clash in the Cloister

Japanese Title: Cross the Galaxy Corridor!

U.S. Air Date: February 4th, 2006

Japanese Air Date: April 14th, 2020

Here's another episode where the Japanese title is far better than the English title. Both accurately describe the episode's contents. Yet crossing the galaxy corridor sounds way more excited than clashing in the cloister. I mean, I get the value in alliteration. But "cloister" is an inherently goofy word. And it's also not a word that feels very action-y. A cloister is mostly a place where you hide and a clash inside one would be more awkward than exciting. A corridor connects two separate areas, which is ultimately the true point of this episode. I'm just saying, the 4Kids dub team maybe should have just kept the Japanese title this one time. 

You know, it's never a good sign when I start my review off with a meandering digression about the title... Anyway, the episode begins with the Blue Typhoon hovering before a black hole. They realize the Metarex base resides in an alternate dimension and these black holes are how they traverse to our galaxy. The crew reluctantly decide to enter the rift. Inside, they discover a bizarre, cave-like area that is too small for the Blue Typhoon to traverse through, where root like growths grip the engine and huge stones block the path. Things get grimmer when Yellow Zelkova, the most physically powerful of Dark Oak's Metarex commanders, appears to ambush them.

I know this is a children's cartoon about a blue hedgehog that runs fast, so getting bent out of shape about the science here is pointless... But it's becoming increasingly clear that the writers of this show made no attempt to replicate the actual rules of outer space. The script seems to use the phrases "black hole" – a crushing singularity of gravity –  and "wormhole" – a theoretical structure that links two places in space and time – interchangeably. Whether the Metarex reside in an alternate universe versus just another corner of our universe seems unclear as well. Tails building a ship that can survive the pressure of a black hole seems improbable. This is about the understanding if science I'd expect from a show that depicts its heroes traipsing around outer space totally naked and suffering no ill effects from that. 

This plot point also directly contradicts the events of an earlier episode. Previously, Red Pine's ship was sucked into a similar hole and destroyed. Here, there doesn't seem to be any vacuum effects around the hole. Apparently, the Metarex routinely use them to travel! Moreover, the decision to depict the interior of the cloister – or corridor or whatever you want to call it – as a subterranean-like tunnel full of physical hazards is hilariously literal. It's like the writers heard the phrase "wormhole," pictured a hole in the dirt a worm dug through, and decided to stick that in outer space. I'm choosing to intercept the corridor as a Special Zone-like pocket dimension that links two galaxies, because that's an explanation that doesn't give me brain cancer. 

Obviously, we are not meant to think about any of this shit too much. And that's why I'm choosing to mostly laugh at the weird, stupid shit that happens in this episode. When the Blue Typhoon enters the wormhole, a bunch of psychedelic visual distortions occur. Everyone swirls around in a trippy fashion, which is pretty funny. After the ship is entangled in space weeds or whatever, we see that Tails has invented a laser rake to clear the roots. If that wasn't goofy enough, we are next presented with Sonic wearing a pair of shearing shoes Chris as designed. Those would be sneakers with twirling blades inside designed to slice through vegetation. Sonic glides along the outside of the Blue Typhoon with them, looking doofy as fuck. I'm so glad Chris had those sneakers built with an extremely specific scenario in mind at the ready. 

In fact, comedy may be the main goal of this episode. Yellow Zelkova is, in some ways, a fearsome enemy. He's incredibly strong and neigh invulnerable. He's also a complete idiot. His introductory moment has him scarfing down spicy curry and bragging about it. He doesn't seem to notice when Sonic and Knuckles start to use his headbutts to push the Blue Typhoon through the corridor. (How this doesn't totally fuck up the ship, I don't know.) There's also a funny moment when Yellow Zelkova calls Knuckles a "red hedgehog." This enraged the echidna so much, he's able to toss a huge chunk of the corridor's matter – previously depicted as so dense, he couldn't punch through it – at the robot. 

In general, this fight is just full of moments that look silly. At one point, Yellow Zelkova is swinging around the stalactite-like structures inside the corridor. Sonic is balanced atop one such pillar and just hangs out there for a minute. I'm really not sure what was happening in that scene! Once again, the baddy of this episode is defeated –  though not destroyed – when Sonic is launched out of the Sonic Driver cannon and turned into a big spinning CGI ball. This moment goes on longer than usual, which just draws attention to how goofy it all looks. Really, I'm starting to wonder why using himself as a massive projectile has no negative side effects on Sonic. Here, after he stops spinning, he just says "he's pooped." How many concussions has this special move given Sonic by now? I feel like it should be a lot. 

This episode is full of elements that just made me pause and go "that doesn't make sense." And here's another one, a nitpick that is increasingly starting to bug me: Why doesn't the Metarex empire want the Master Emerald? They've been chasing after the little Chaos Emeralds with a fanatical fervor. Meanwhile, the Blue Typhoon has routinely been using the big emerald to perform all sorts of ridiculous, impossible task. In "Sonic X," the Master Emerald really doesn't seem to be treated as anything but a mundane power source. Yet it clearly puts out a massive amount of power! Why aren't the bad guys interested in that? The heroes are just carrying this infinite source of impossible energy with them and the villains, who are seeking power-granting magical plot devices, never seem to notice. Maybe I'm just used to the Archie Comics version of the Master Emerald, whose importance and power clearly outstrips the individual Chaos Emeralds. It's still starting to feel like a plot hole.

Also, when Yellow Zelkova is getting ready to attack the Sonic Team, Sonic instructs Amy to get inside and hide. She wants to fight but Sonic thinks this threat is too serious for her. Considering Amy is capable of wrecking shit with her hammer, especially when her love is endangered, this feels really short-sighted of Sonic. And more than a little sexist. He might as well have said "Go run and hide, little lady! This fight is only for the men!" This show has proven, over and over again, that Amy is a powerful warrior. So let her fight! She can summon indestructible hammers out of thin air and loves to smash shit with them. Use that to your advantage!

If this entire review was composed mostly of me seizing on minor details and getting disproportionately annoyed about them, I apologize. The story here is simple and boring, no more complicated than "the heroes need to get from Point A to Point B but a bad guy is in their way." The characters aren't given many chances to show much depth. The action scenes are mostly uninspired. The repeated instances of unfunny humor and inexplicable gaps in narrative logic suggests the writers didn't expend on this episode. I hate to write a review that's nothing but petty whining but that's all I had to work with. I apologize. But also I don't because this episode just kind of sucked. [5/10]

Sonic X, Episode 3.13: Mission: Match Up

Sonic X, Episode 3.13: Mission: Match Up

Japanese Title: The Chaotix's Great Shocking Lovey-Dovey Operation

U.S. Air Date: December 3rd, 2005

Japanese Air Date: April 13th, 2020

The crew of the Blue Typhoon continues to move through space, on their way towards their next goal. A normal day is interrupted by an approaching space ship. After some initial concern, it's discovered it's just the Chaotix, who have been drifting through space aimlessly since their last appearance. They board the Typhoon, while Tails makes upgrades to their ship. Vector is determined to pay the fox back. He soon realizes that Tails and Cosmo are developing feelings for each other. The crocodile concocts a series of contrived schemes to get the two together, all of which go horribly awry. 

After several fairly serious, plot heavy episode, I like that "Sonic X" is kicking back with a goofy, light-hearted installment like this one. And yet "Mission: March Up" is not a disposable, season one style filler episode. First off, the development of Tails and Cosmo's relationship is obviously an important plot thread going forward. Secondly, this episode gives us an update on Eggman and Shadow. Apparently, Shadow Chaos Controlling near a black hole during the previous episode zapped them to a different universe or something. Eggman theorizes that the Metarex use black holes to travel across the galaxy, which would at least explain why the hell one appeared in the last episode. There's also this concern that Shadow is going to regain his memories and fuck up Eggman's plans, so I guess that tiresome plot point is not resolved yet. 

This episode also introduces the rest of Black Oak's commanders, who will presumably be important villains going forward. These color-coded baddies are all named after trees, ranging from mildly threatening titles like Yellow Zelkova or Black Narcissus to the mildly goofy Pale Bayleaf. I'm betting the naming convention is foreshadowing a big reveal and I don't think it has anything to do with nuns. Either way, I like that these guys seemingly have a rivalry among themselves and that each one fits into a standard anime villain type. With Yellow Zelkova being the big aggressive guy and Black Narcissus being the evil bishounen. Hopefully they aren't all pushovers like Red Pine was. 

The scenes concerned with the epic sci-fi plot are not focus here though. Instead, this episode is largely about furthering the connection Tails and Cosmo started two episodes ago. Tails is attracted to Cosmo and says as much, though she doesn't hear him. There's quite a lot of blushing as these two stare romantically into each other eyes. You can debate the ethics of putting two literal children into a romance like this. But this is still clearly within the realm of grade school crush, not teenage lust. (And it's not like Tails has been written like he's eight in years anyway...) I think it's pretty cute. I can't wait for tragedy to befall these two.

Vector obviously thinks it's cute too. In fact, this episode reveals that Vector isn't too different from internet shippers. His schemes to get Tails and Cosmo closer all seem born from romance manga cliches. They involve Tails rescuing Cosmo from an attack, the two becoming physically close to each other while stumbling through the dark, and Tails returning something to Cosmo that she lost. Obviously, all of Vector's plans are guaranteed to fail... Except they don't, not really, because all of these things happen to Tails and Cosmo independently. Tails lifts Cosmo out of the way of a rogue disco ball, the two awkwardly being face-to-face afterwards. (Combining the first and second scenarios.) Tails later returns a charm that Cosmo dropped earlier in the episode. It's a sweet bit of narrative symmetry that everything Vector hopes to engineer happens anyway, just outside the context of his ridiculous schemes. 

"Sonic X," having the goofy sense of humor it does, plays that ridiculousness for as many oddball laughs as possible. Vector imagines each of his plans as elaborately illustrated romance manga panels, with shots of Tails and Cosmo dressed in those styles. The second plan results in broad slapstick, as Vector and Espio are the ones that collide in the dark. (Resulting in the unexpected sight of the "Sonic X" logo appearing as fireworks.) The third scenario goes dryer, with Tails focusing more on how filthy Vector's handkerchief is. The first scheme is the most bizarre, as it involves knocking Knuckles unconscious, drawing an angry beard on his face, and having a cloaked Espio puppeteer his limp body. All of this shit made me chuckle, especially the weirdness of Knuckles unknowingly being used as a prop. I continue to admire the inspired wackiness of this show, whose humor is simultaneously more sophisticated and stranger than the manic shenanigans that pass for comedy in past "Sonic" cartoons.

Part of why this show can get away with such an absurd episode, in the middle of a serious story arc, is because of its setting. Once again, "Sonic X" emphasizes that life on this spaceship is pretty cozy. We get a montage showing that everyone aboard chips in. Tails and Chris do technical shit. Knuckles helps with repairs. Cosmo cooks. Amy smashes lumpy chunks of metal into smooth rectangles. Our heroes may be facing an uphill battle against a powerful enemy that arguably has them outsmarted and outmatched... But they still can have peace in their tiny corner of the universe. The episode even answers why the Blue Typhoon has palm trees on its launch deck. (Because Grandpa Chuck thinks they're cool.) It doesn't answer whether they are artificial trees or if the "Sonic X" version of palm trees are also unaffected by the harshness of outer space. 

The mixture of character-building interactions, just a little bit of serialized storytelling, and goofball humor makes this one a winner. Even Eggman's crew get involved in the comic relief this time. There's an inexplainable scene of Bokkun bragging to Decoe and Bocoe that he's grown longer limbs, which results in a fourth wall break. I don't know if this is a sight gag that's going to be explained or become relevant later or if it's just another example of the show's random access humor. Either way, tall and skinny Bokkun is a disturbing sight and I don't like it. Anyway, I'm giving "The Chaotix's Great Shocking Love-y Dove-y Operation" a pass. [7/10]

Sonic X, Episode 3.12: A Metarex Melee

Sonic X, Episode 3.12: A Metarex Melee

Japanese Title: Clash! Sonic vs. Shadow

U.S. Air Date: November 26th, 2005

Japanese Air Date: April 10th, 2020

As someone who watched a lot of Toonami as a kid, I definitely went through a "Dragonball Z" phase. I was a huge fan of the show as a kid but, as an adult, I find the tropes it relies on tiresome and the constant filler annoying. But it was through that show that I first started to dig into the differences between U.S. dubs of anime and the original, uncut versions. In particular, I was always amused by the differences in the titles. The English titles would be simple and descriptive, like "The Arrival of Raditz" or "The Return of Goku." The Japanese titles, meanwhile, were hilariously wordy, often composed of multiple phrases. Like "Ferocity of the Saiyans! Kami-sama and Piccolo Both Die" and "Mini-Goku is an Overprotected Boy! I Am Gohan." 

This doesn't have much to do with "Sonic X" but the dub/sub difference in this episode is giving me mild flashback to those days. If only because "Clash! Sonic vs. Shadow" has multiple sentences in it. And because the two titles suggest completely different stories, focusing on unrelated aspects of the episode. It's not as bad as a DBZ title, which would be something like "The Great Battle to Protect the Chaos Emeralds! Super Sonic Fights Super Shadow!" But I don't know, it's one of those cultural differences that just make me laugh.

Anyway! It turns out an epic showdown between Sonic and Dark Oak is not in the cards yet, as the villain is just a hologram. Instead, his plan is to keep the heroes on the Metal Plant battle station as it's destroyed by a fleet of Metarex battleships. Sonic attempts to fight off drones specifically designed to fight him while the others scramble for escape. Shadow Chaos Controls himself, Rouge, and Chris onto Eggman's ship. The kid then nabs a jet and flies off to rescue his friends. A series of convoluted events ensue, resulting in Sonic and Shadow both going super as the Metal Plant collapses into a black hole! 

The initial set-up of this episode is exciting. The previous installment ended with a cliffhanger, Black Oak promising that the good guys have fallen into a trap. As a swarm of Metarex goons — each with an extensive analysis of Sonic's fighting history downloaded into their heads — attack, the lead baddie promises that the heroes will die. That seems way more serious than any shit Eggman has pulled recently! We then discover that this isn't even the real trap. The Metarex empire plan to destroy their own space station just to ensure the destruction of their enemies. The good guys have fallen into a brutal double trap that seems like it'll almost be impossible to escape from. That's a hell of a place to start your story and it should've led to a suspenseful episode. 

But it doesn't and there's some clear reasons why. The episode constantly undermines its own tension by cutting away to different events. As the Metarex army closes in and starts to bombard the Metal Plant, the script focuses on Shadow and Chris talking. Or the Thorndyke heir doing shit on Eggman's ship, the incoming barrage seemingly pausing so this interaction can happen. The episode continues like that, randomly shifting its focus to other events and completely disrupting any suspense that might be building. The entire episode should've focused on Sonic and the others trying to escape the fortress before it's too late.

In general, I think there's too much going on in this episode. Sonic is fighting Black Oak's goons. The Metal Plant is being destroyed, by an army led by the newly introduced general Red Pine. Cosmo and Amy are trying to grab the Chaos Emeralds. Knuckles is hanging atop the X-Tornado deep within the Metal Plant, where Eggman left him after his escape. Shadow teleports Chris to the Crimson Egg, Chris steals a plane, and flies back to the Metal Plant. And that's before a series of even more dramatic events in the episode's last third. It's just too much! The script is constantly jumping around in location, following a displaced group of characters. It made my head spin after a while.

If the script had spaced things out a little more, focusing on some of that stuff and tightening the chain of events up, this probably would've been a tense half-hour. Instead, an already complicated string of happenings builds up to the fight between Super Sonic and Super Shadow. Yes, the showdown promised in the Japanese title does occur in the back-half of this episode. And it's even more impressive, because both hedgehogs are in their super forms. Yet, because so much shit is happening here, what should've been an epic dual occupies a few minutes. Super Shadow chases Sonic around, throwing some magic arrows at him. They argue and banter and fly around. And then more important happens and the fight just disappears into the list of events in this episode. I don't know why it got top billing. 

Honestly, Super Sonic and Super Shadow should've put their differences aside for a minute and used their God-like powers to teleport everyone to safety. This is what Shadow ends up doing to the Crimson Egg eventually. The need to escape becomes especially pressing after the Metal Plant starts to be swallowed by a black hole. Where does the black hole come from? Why does one spring up inside the ship? I don't know! As inexplicable as this climax is, it's still the most exciting part of "A Metarex Melee." Probably because it's the only time the episode slows down long enough to focus on what event. It helps that a black hole is so powerful that it even challenge Super Sonic and Super Shadow. (Not that the gravitational pull of the singularity is consistently depicted. The Blue Typhoon escapes easily and then it's revealed that Black Oak's ship was just hanging out nearby the whole time, seemingly unaffected.)

Out of all these contrived scenes, only one really sticks out to me. As Shadow Chaos Controls away from the Metal Plant, Chris leaps into his arm. Aboard the Crimson Egg now, he proceeds to make Eggman aware of his character development. Chris even throws down a ninja style smoke bomb to escape, running off an commandeering a smaller, jet-like shuttle. While I've complained about the show making Chris a little overpowered at times, this is an entertaining scene. Eggman still thinks Chris is a child, so it makes sense that he'd catch the villain off-guard in this moment. It's also funny that Bocoe calls him a "delinquent" afterwards. If this episode didn't have such bad ADHD, we could've gotten a "Die Hard" situation with Chris trying to escape the Crimson Egg. That would've been cool, right? 

Also, Rouge tries to straight-up murder Chris a few scenes later. She picks him up, flies him over a pit in the space fortress, and asks if he's going to give her the Chaos Emeralds. When he says no, she drops him. He's immediately rescued by Knuckles, who coincidentally is hanging out on the X-Tornado right below. But Rouge doesn't know that! In fact, does she even know that Chris is technically eighteen now? Did Rouge just try and murder what she assumed to be a child? Alright, I know I said I like Rouge's amoral aspect but she's officially being written out-of-character now. Rouge's lust for shiny rocks may be all-consuming but I think using that as a reason to try and murder a little boy is a bit extreme. How do you go from "honorable government agent" to "attempted prolicide?" I guess the break-up with Topaz hit her really hard.... 

Anyway, this is a jumbled mess out of an episode. I didn’t even talk about the ambiguous fate of the Chaos Emeralds, the weird shit the Metarex are doing with the Planet Eggs, or the much hyped first appearance — and subsequent abrupt dismissal — of Red Pine. There's enough plot points here that you easily could've made two or three episodes out of this one. To bring things back around to "Dragon Ball Z," I guess that would've threaten to extend a deadline inexcusably far. But I would've prefer that to an overstuffed, rushed half-hour like this. [6/10]