Knuckles the Echidna: Issue 23

Knuckles the Echidna: Issue 23
Publication Date: February 1999

The previous issue of “Knuckles the Echidna” seemed to be resolving a lot of the bullshit that was dragging this series down. Knuckles called the Brotherhood on their bullshit, the Dark Legion utilized a more efficient plan than just storming into Echinaopolis, the honest plight of the dingoes was acknowledged, and the comic admitted that Locke is an asshole. During my review of issue 22, I predicted that the next issue probably wouldn’t build properly on these developments. Either I’m a prophet or Ken Penders’ flaws are easy to predict. Guess which?

At the story’s beginning, Knuckles, the Chaotix, and Remington gather in Echidnaopolis as the town’s mayor makes a special announcement. Throwing democracy to the wind, the councilor has appointed his own replacement. New councilor Benedict immediately announces the decriminalization of high technology and a state wide pardon of the Dark Legion. Knuckles and Remington immediately realize something fishy is up but are slow to investigate. Meanwhile, the Dark Legion barges into Haven and puts the smack down on most of the Brotherhood, save for Lock and Spectre. It isn’t long before the villains come for Knuckles and his friends.

Here’s a ran-down of the Dark Legion’s plan for domination of the Floating Island: Roll over the island with tanks and hovercrafts. Barge into the city with their magical leader in tow. Have a sleeper agent stay inside the Brotherhood for several hundred years and do nothing. None of these plans were especially effective. Replacing the leader of the Island with a puppet candidate, to push their agenda, seems like a comparatively subtle maneuver.

Once again, Ken Penders has his villains immediately lay down their evil plan. Seconds after being appointed to power, Benedict is re-instating Dark Legion rule and hailing Dimitri. (Despite the Dingoes previously being set up as the Nazi stand-ins, Penders has the Legionnaires do a quasi-Nazi salute.) That same night, Legionaries are once again marching on the city in their hover crafts. Jesus, don’t these guys ever get tired of doing that? So much for subtly.

(The dingoes also continue to be an extraneous subplot in this book. General Stryker sneers at the TV on one page, sneers at the current state of Echidnaoplis on another page, and then gets beaten up by the Dark Legion’s latest cyborg soldier. I don’t know what their purpose is at this point.)

After giving his grandfathers a piece of his mind last time, Knuckles is once again reduced to reacting passively to events around him. Knux spends most of this issue standing back and watching stuff happens. He watches Benedict’s rally in the park dispassionately. He walks around and talks about stuff but never actually does anything. When Knuckles leaps into action near the book’s end, he’s defeated off-page by the Legion. Last we see Knuckles, he’s been captured by the bad guys. As for the Chaotix, they do nothing but follow Knuckles around. Even Remington does jack shit. He admits something weird is going on but doesn’t do anything about it. How disappointing.

About the only interesting development in issue 23 has the Dark Legion bursting into Haven and shooting most of the Brotherhood with tranquilizer darts. Boy, is it satisfying to see these honkies get shut down. Despite the Brotherhood knowing Tobor has been Moritori-Rex for some times, they’re still confused about how the Legion found them. I thought these guys were suppose to be omniscient? No, Moritori Rex doesn’t do anything besides lead Lien-Da and some Legionnaire soldiers to Haven. It’s pretty lame but watching such ineffective characters get shot down is at least satisfying, though not in the way Penders intended.

The new characters of Benedict and Xenin – that’s the buff Dark Legion cyborg beating everyone up, by the way – are not compelling. Jim Valentino’s artwork graduates from tolerable to out right hideous. About half of this book is devoted to characters bending and twisting in disturbing ways. When is Manny Galan coming back? Anyway, another promising story arc is sputtering out in its second part. Business as usual. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 70

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 70
Publication Date: February 1999

Issue 69 of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” ended on a cliffhanger. Dear readers, “Hedgehogs Can’t Swim” is not an exact science. If you haven’t noticed already, I write these blog entries long before they’re actually published. Sometimes, because of real life circumstances, these reviews are written weeks or even months apart. So please excuse me if I totally forgot about the cliffhanger the previous issue ended on.

For those that forgot, like me, last time ended with Snively’s gang of prison escapees kidnapping Nate Morgan. The bad guys then tossed a grenade into the juice joint where Sonic and the gang where hanging out. Issue 70 begins with a big ass explosion. But don’t worry. Sonic threw the cockadoodie grenade into the air, saving his friends and creating a new skylight for the bar owners. Afterwards, Sonic and the Freedom Fighters request permission from the King to track the villains’ down. They’re denied and the Royal Secret Service is sent in their steed. Not that this stops Sonic, who goes ahead on in the Winged Victory and meets Geoffrey St. John at Snively’s island hide-out. After the hedgehog and the skunk have their required scuffle, they get down to saving the day.

“saving nate morgan,” which lacks capital letters for some reason, is another fine Karl Bollers story exploring Sonic’s role in a world without Robotnik. After Nate’s kidnapping, Sonic, Sally, and the other Freedom Fighters assume they will get to play hero and rescue their new friend. King Acorn slaps that option down. The Kingdom of Acorn is no longer at war. The freedom has been won. There’s no need to fight for it anymore. Sonic and his friends were essentially child soldiers but now the adults are back in town. Not only does this provide a reason for St. John’s Secret Service to exist, it also puts Sonic in an interesting position. Because Sonic is Sonic, he goes ahead on the mission anyway. That’s certainly a braver option than the hedgehog jumping on a plane and leaving town, like he did last time his role as hero felt challenged.

I wish the other Freedom Fighters had a little more to do in this story. However, “Saving Nate Morgan’ is more about establishing some new characters. Sonic continues to take the Mobians’ racism/speciesism? against Overlanders, when directed at Nate Morgan anyway, personally. While Morgan has shown some growth recently, he’s nothing more than a captive in this story. His sole interesting moment comes when verbally sparing with Snively and Kodos.

Sonic isn’t the only person who subverts the King’s authority by going ahead without permission. Prince Elias stowaways, dramatically revealing himself at a key moment. Despite what the action packed cover implies, with its image of Elias leaping around with those weird glaive things, Elias doesn’t actually do anything more than reveal himself. That character has yet to find his calling.

Aside from that, “Saving Nate Morgan” is a pretty good action story too. Sonic and Geoffrey’s rivalry may be old news but at least they’re not fighting over Sally again. This time, Geoffrey’s virulent racism against Overlanders, and Nate Morgan specifically, pisses Sonic off. Afterwards, the heroes charge Kodos’ stronghold. A clever plan has Sonic paralyzing the warlord by running around his legs really fast, presumably drawing the blood into his feet with the inertia. Another cute moment, which is easy to miss, has Hershey beating the shit out of Drago again. Any story that has the heroes traveling to an obscure island and exploring an abandoned building will recall old timey pulp serials. And that’s a comparison that I always enjoy making.

In its final pages, the story takes an odd turn. Another one of orbiting satellites – you know, the ones controlled by someone who totally isn’t Robotnik – activates a hidden weapon. A giant, mutated squid explodes out from under the ground. Aside from being fucking random, this element also totally changes the direction of the story. Suddenly, some other problem emerges and distracts everyone. (It also allows the Fearsome Foursome to escape, leaving them available for future stories.) Bomb leaps into action and creates an explosion big enough to destroy the squid but not harm anyone else. That, disappointingly, is the only time a team member besides Sonic shows off a special skills. Wombat Stu, Valdez, and Heavy contribute nothing to this story. Which might as well be a problem with page space as anything else.

The story isn’t perfect, with the kind of minor narrative problems you just get used to reading in this book. However, it taps some interesting aspects of Sonic’s personality, features some fun action, and has another killer round-up of Steven Butler artwork. I’ll take it!

Issue 70 also features a bizarre back-up story. To the audience, as seemingly no one else is listening, Sonic relates a reoccurring nightmare he keeps having. While flying over Sandblast City, Sonic’s bi-plane disappears and he heads for the mouth of his own statue. Once inside, he discovers a world straight out of Charlie Kaufman: His face is on every structure. Turns out, this dream land is occupied with hardcore Sonic fans who constantly argue about the minutia of his adventures.

“Statue of Limitations” has a valid starting point. What if Sonic’s status as a hero heavily weighted on his mind? There’s actually some okay dialogue at the end, where Sonic shares his doubts with Tails. However, any honest emotion the story has seems to be lost behind a wave of cheesy jokes. And not the usual cheesy jokes. The Sonic scholars in the dream debate Sonic and Sally’s romance and whether or not Sally should have stayed dead after “Endgame.” The door to the building where the scholars dwell is marked “Sonic Adventure Archives.” At the end of the story, Sonic suggests that he’s okay being gray. The hedgehog is referring to his morality but the story seems to be referring to black-and-white reprints.

In other words, “Statue of Limitations” is a tongue and cheek announcement for Sonic’s old adventures being printed in gray scale paperbacks. Only that didn’t actually happen until 2011, with color reprints proceeding them in 2006. Chris Allen’s pencils are decent, expressive and cartoony, but the story itself is a bit of a head scratcher.

A solid if slightly unsatisfying cover story and a very strange back-up story? Yep, sounds like a typical issue of Archie’s “Sonic” to me. And I mean that in the best way. [7/10]

Knuckles the Echidna: Issue 22

Knuckles the Echidna: Issue 22
Publication Date: January 1999

While the “Sonic the Hedgehog” series is reaching a relaxed mid-point between major story lines, “Knuckles the Echidna” just keeps rolling along, a high-strung melodrama aboard the Floating Island. That’s not necessarily a complaint. Issue 22 gets blatantly political, addressing how things work in Knuckles’ home town while bringing back a major villain from issues past.

As always, things are busy in Knuckles’ end of the “Sonic”-verse. While in Haven, the young Guardian chews out his dad for being such a massive, serial cock to him. Locke, meanwhile, transports his ex-wife, Julie-Su, and Remington back to the city. When they arrive, they’re greeted by a group of protesting dingoes, irritated by their continued treatment as second-class citizens. Meanwhile, the Dark Legion begins to move their own plan in motion, hoping to manipulate politics in Echinaopolis.

A big complaint I’ve had with Ken Penders’ “Knuckles” series is how big of an ass wipe Locke is. The Brotherhood basically tells Knuckles nothing, dicking him around with vague words about a prophecy. Issue 22’s “You Say You Want a Revolution” directly addresses this issue. Knuckles yells at the Brotherhood, wanting to know why the hell his dad and collection of grandfathers have been jerking him around for so long. The weirdest thing is Locke even admits he was wrong, which is very unusual. He realizes his differences with Lara-Le are irreconcilable. More importantly, he admits he wasn’t the father to Knuckles that he should have been. He says he isn’t much of a parent. Such self-awareness is very uncharacteristic for Locke. And welcomed.

The comic has always treated the Dingoes as irredeemable bad guys, always plotting to do something evil to the peaceful echidnas. At least, that was probably the plan. Instead, it often seems like the dingoes are a persecuted minority in Echidnaopolis. Despite the echidnas dismissing technology, they’re all too willing to treat the dingoes badly because of their lack of technology.

In Issue 22, the dingoes are protesting their treatment by the echidnan government. When someone tosses a bomb into the crowd, a fight erupts between the dingoes and the echidnas. Knuckles, in another surprising act of self-awareness, has Archimedes BAMF him into crowd to protect the dingoes. In another rare display of fairness, the “Knuckles” comic admits that the echidnas have treated the dingoes badly and that they deserve better.

It’s been a while since we’ve seen the Dark Legion, right? “You Say You Want a Revolution” picks up that dangling plot point as well. On the first page, the Dark Legion break into an echidna politician's home, noted how full of advanced technology it is. (He has a flat screen, HDTV which raises some interesting questions. Are their echidnan TV shows?) The plot is eventually revealed that the Legion has put a mind control chip in the politician's head, getting him to push a pro-technology agenda in the echidna senate. That certainly seems like a more effective tactic than marching an army on city.

More pressingly, the Dark Legion regains an old villain and grabs a new one. It’s been a while since we’ve seen Enerjak, since his de-powering by Mammoth Mogul. Turns out, the Legion replaced his frail, ancient body with robotic parts, rendering him more machine than man. In flashback, we see that Dimitri has a personal grudge against the echidna political body, as they directly blocked his plans to lower the island for political reasons. Once again, we see how a more sympathetic villain can make for a more compelling story. Dimitri has the right to be angry. It’s his reaction that makes him a bad guy.

The new addition helps too. Kragok was a fantastic bad guy, ruthless and brutal. But Kragok is locked in another dimension or some bullshit at the moment. In his place, a new bad guy has been introduced. Or bad girl, as it were. Lien-Da is a female echidna who likes to boss people around and wears tight leather. Whether or not you believe such a sexualized character is appropriate for a kids’ comic, Lien-Da cuts a mean figure. Considering how villains in this book can be focused on vague, far-off goals, it’s refreshing to see an antagonist who gets shit done. Unsurprisingly, Lien-Da would become one of the best villains that book ever had.

Seeing an issue of “Knuckles the Echidna” actually address some of the problems I’ve had with the series is… Surprising. Manny Galan took a break this time, as Jim Valentino provides the pencils. His artwork is still occasionally off but it’s certainly a big improvement over his work in the Image crossover special. I don’t know if this story arc will continue to improve the series’ problem. Truthfully, I’m betting on it not doing that. Yet I’ll enjoy this reprieve while it last. [7/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 69

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 69
Publication Date: January 1999

Karl Boller’s previous high-water mark as “Sonic’s” writer was issue 54’s “Running to Stand Still,” a low key story about Sonic struggling to find his place in a world without Robotnik and reconnecting with his Uncle. After wrapping up another major story arc, the pursuit of Ixis Naugus, Karl deliver another less action packed issue. Issue 69’s “A Day in the Life” isn’t as good as “Running to Stand Still” but still gets 1999 off to a decent start.

Sonic returned to Mobotropolis in the midst of many events. Sally suddenly has a brother and a mother now. King Max declares his son to be his heir, while Queen Alicia’s future remains uncertain. Hoping to blow off some steam, Sonic and Sally join the rest of the Freedom Fighters on a night on the town. Together, they explore how the city has changed in the hedgehog’s absence. Sonic also uses this oppretunity to show Nate Morgan around town, where the Overlander faces prejudice. The fun evening is interrupted when Snively and the other Devil’s Gulag escapees attack.

Before I get to all the things I like about “A Day in the Life,” let’s discuss the stuff I’m not too crazy about. The issue begins with Dr. Quack telling Sally and Elias that their mom is going to be on ice for the foreseeable future. When Sally asks why her father made the dick move of lying about the Queen and Elias’ fates, King Max launches into a three panel long explanation. The short version: The King assumed his wife was dead and, hoping to save Sally further heartbreak, kept her little brother’s existence a secret. Furthermore, when he heard she might still be alive, he kept that a secret too.

It’s a lame way to justify the “long lost brother” story type and doing it by piling words on the reader wasn’t the best way. Afterwards, Max says Elias will become King after his death. Gee, that’s an awfully big responsibility to bestow upon someone you literally just met.

Once that’s out of the way, issue 69 can focus on more important matters. Such as Sonic being reunited with his friends. When she sees Sonic, Sally gives the hedgehog a big embrace. Steven Butler draws the panel in such a way that, if her father and many others weren’t watching, you’d expect Sally to do a lot more then just hug Sonic. Sonic seeing how normal Mobotropolis has become is also a high-light. There’s a juice bar, chilli dog stands, people living and thriving in what once was a blasted out hellscape. (I guess the city isn’t radioactive anymore? Maybe half-lives are much shorter in the future…) Sonic reuniting with his friends is swell. One especially touching panel has him asking Tails why they left in the first place. In other words, it’s good to be back.

Some times you wonder if Karl Bollers had to work with the shit Ken Penders sent his way. Back in issue twelve of “Knuckles,” Sonic made the baffling decision not the tell Antoine about his father being a robot. Because Ken loves characters keeping secrets from each other. Bollers tosses that out the window. A touching moment has Antoine bemoaning how Sonic and Sally have been reunited with their families but he is still without his. Sonic gingerly breaks the bad news to Antoine. It’s a moment I wish the book could’ve focused on more but a long overdue one. This scene also features Bunnie and Antoine getting closer. When Sonic asks if Antoine is aware of Bunnie’s obvious attraction to him, he verbosely recites some poetry. Which seems in character.

 
As a new addition to the book, Nate Morgan has mostly existed to spout exposition. Which hasn’t made me a fan. Issue 69 at least does something interesting with the old man. While in Mobotropolis, Sonic attempts to integrate the Overlander into the populace. At first, it goes fine. The other Freedom Fighters embrace Morgan without problem. The scientist is introduced to the joys of chili dogs.

Once at the bar, some asshole spills juice on the Overlander’s head. Yes, even in the furry-infested future, racism exists. Since both Karl Bollers and Nate Morgan are black, I can’t help but think the writer was making a point. Sonic stands up to the bully but his views on race relations seem intentionally naïve, boiling down to “a good person should be treated kindly.” Sally informs him that it’s more complicated than that. Gee, that’s not a point you’d expect to be made in this book.

Since this is an action book for the boys: 6-12 crowd, “A Day in the Life” has to stop the character development and social studies for some explosions. The Devil’s Gulag gang attacks the bar. There’s some good artwork in this sequence. Sonic’s screams after Sally gets knocked unconscious is viscerally drawn by Butler. The story shows off the abilities of most of the bad guys. Predator Hawk can fly, Uma Arachne can shoot web like Spider-Man, Lightning Linx is super-fast, Kodos has an axe, Sleuth Dawg is… an asshole? Okay, so most of these guys are still undefined. However, it’s not a bad conclusion. The Freedom Fighters being outmatched, such as Bunnie taking a hard fall or Rotor being arm-locked by Drago, is a decent note. If nothing else, the story ends on a solid cliffhanger: Sgt. Simian tosses a grenade into the bar. Remember to buy the book next month, kids!

How about a back story? “Weathering the Storm” concludes the Lupe storyline that’s been going on for a while. As rain continues outside, the Wolf Pack seek shelter in an abandoned building. Some of the wolves are still uncertain of the human children living with them. However, over dinner, Lupe announces that the girls are part of the pack now.

As with the cover story, this back story is more character focused. The Wolf Pack continued to be developed. In addition to being a big guy, Canus is also the cook. Diablo awkwardly attempts to impart some basic morals on the Overlander girls. Reynard seems more practical, compared to the empathetic Lupe. It’s not a lot but it counts for something. There’s no action in the story, as Lupe accepting the kids is the climax of the tale. Given more pages, this tale likely could’ve had more emotion. Still, as a simple six pager, it’s not bad. When Ken wasn’t focusing on up-its-ass mysticism, his work wasn’t bad. Sam Maxwell’s artwork is eccentric but likable.

I wish the book could’ve balanced action and character development like this more often. While not a masterpiece, issue 69 is still a solid read. Considering the series would soon be consumed by the “Sonic Adventure” status quo, appreciate these quiet moments while you still can. [8/10]

Sonic Super Special: Issue 8 – Sally Moon

Sonic Super Special: Issue 8 – Sally Moon
Publication Date: January 1999

When Archie started publishing special issues of “Sonic,” the extra-long format usually served one of two purposes. Either a story too long for a regular issue would be contained with-in or a crap ton of smaller stories would be jammed inside. It’s been a while since we’ve had a Sonic Super Special of the latter variety. Issue 6 and 7 were all devoted to a single story. The eighth Sonic Super Special, otherwise known as the infamous “Sally Moon” issue, jams four issues of wildly divergent quality, most of them bad.

The book begins with “Zone Wars: Prelude.” One day, Sonic is minding his own business when a cross-dressing version of Robotnik from another dimensions shows up and starts shooting damn laser beams at him. Sonic is baffled and that bafflement grows when Sally Moon, Chibi Rose, and Tuxedo Knux shows up. Zonic the Zone-Cop, an inter-dimensional police officer, appears, cleans this mess up, and explains just what the hell happened.

Ridiculous pop culture parody was common in the early days of the book’s life. This is, after all, the comic book that brought us Spawnmower and the Termite-nator. Pretty much all of Issue 19 was about smashing Sonic together with other pop culture characters. We haven’t seen goofiness like this in a while. It’s been long enough that the sudden appearance of Sally Moon comes as a pleasant surprise. Yeah, the version of our favorite Princess as the short-skirted anime heroine doesn’t do very much. She gets blasted by the alternate Robotnik before Tuxedo Knux downs the villain with a rose. Still, I’ll admit to having an affinity to this vein of silliness.

There’s something genuinely good about “Zone Wars: Prelude.” Writer Dan Slott does something straight forward and simple. Zonic, a wall-walking super-cop who polices alternate realities, explains some shit to Sonic. Basically, every time our hedgehog hero crossed over into another zone or through a portal, it was the work of Zonic. That… Makes an astonishing amount of sense. Later writers would get lots of praise for welding together different arcs like that. Slott, meanwhile, doesn’t get any credit for doing the same thing long before. Sadly, “Zone Wars: Prelude” doesn’t do much more than set up these elements. Yet the effort is appreciated. Jim Fry’s artwork is slightly off-model but not distractedly bad.

The second story, “Running on Empty,” begins with Sonic telling Amy Rose a story of the early days of the Robotnik War. In it, Sonic runs to the cries of Princess Sally. This was a trap, a hologram created by Snively. During the faux-rescue, Sonic is zapped with a ray. The device gives him even faster speed… Which has the side effect of making him age the faster he runs. As Sonic gets older, Rotor and Sally sneak into Robotropolis to find a cure.

“Running on Empty” has got its problems. Nelson Reibeiro’s artwork is frequently wildly off-model. His Sonic often bends in uncomfortable angles while his Snively looks weirdly buff. A bit too much of the story focuses on Rosie’s apple pie recipe, weirdly. The worst part is that Roger Brown writes Sally less as a girl of action and more like a weak-willed princess who cries a lot.

For its many flaws, “Running on Empty” still has a decent amount of heart. Sonic’s life is at risk here and his friend’s drive to save him shows how much they care. When Tails, Sally, and Rotor are surrounded by SWATBots, Tails refuses to leave his friends’ side. Naturally, the damage is undone by the end. Still, it’s not a bad adventure story.

Any good will Sonic Super Special Issue 8 builds up in the first half collapses in the second. “Den of Thieves” is a Monkey Khan solo story. This allows Frank Strom to discard the Sonic characters entirely and focus on his crappy self-insert original creations. Anyway, some stupid bat ninjas have been stealing gold from some hideously deformed puppy creatures. Monkey Khan appears and beats them up. Khan teams up with the ugly puppy creatures and follows the bats back to their lair. There, he beats up a robot dragon and retrieves the gold. The end. Who gives a shit.

Fans sure as fuck weren’t demanding Monkey Khan solo stories, I’m relatively certain of that. Frank Strom’s artwork remains bloated and disproportionate. Seriously, what the fuck are with the ears on Monkey Khan’s sidekicks? The artwork is flat as hell too, as the action is stiff, looking like paper cut-outs. The story is total bullocks. Monkey Khan remains obnoxiously perfect and nobody else is of interest. I have no idea why Archie kept inviting Strom back to work on the book. His devotion to Monkey Khan, and the character’s corresponding lameness, makes Penders’ echidna fetish seem restrained and controlled in comparison.

As shitty as “Den of Thieves” is, the next story is even worst. “Ghost Busted” is adapted from one of the goofier season two episodes of “SatAM.” For those who don’t remember the cartoon, Sonic, Tails, and Antoine go out camping where the hedgehog tells Tails a spooky ghost story. Later, Tails awakens to see a strange creature… Which is just Antoine covered in some glowing leaves.

I don’t know why Archie felt the need to adapt a random, not especially well regarded episode of “SatAM,” especially in such a short, mangled form. And I mean “mangled.” “Ghost Busted” features some insanely terrible art. The back-up is the sole pencil work of inker Jay Oliveras. Oliveras’ work brings to mind the infamous “Many Hands,” as its grossly off-model, amateurishly proportioned, hastily sketched, and garishly colored. Thankfully, the story only runs a brief eight pages. Presumably, “Ghost Busted” exists in the first place because Archie needed to fill eight pages. It’s just shitty, you guys.

The eighth Sonic Super Special is not the quarterly series’ finest hour. The cover story does some mildly clever arc welding and features some good-natured goofiness. The second story has its problem but at least has some sort of point. Both of the latter two stories are totally worthless. Dems da brakes. [6/10]

BACK ISSUES: A Hedgehogs Can't Swim Creepypasta

I’m telling you guys this because I know you’ll believe me. As I type these frenzied words, I can hardly believe it myself. Something impossible. Impossibly horrible. This awful revelation has its roots in something I hold dare, the subject of this very blog. I know some won’t believe me but I swear everything that follows is the awful, awful truth.

It started when the news of a comic shop opening in town reached me. Being somebody interested in comics, I immediately tracked the place down. Though it was in an odd part of town I rarely visited, I drove down there anyway. The building was right next to an old pharmacy. The place seemed like a typical comic shop, with rows of new books, trade paperbacks, and various toys and collectables lying about. The store also had a large selection of back issues. As soon as I saw that, I walked to the “S” section and started to look for any rare “Sonic the Hedgehog” comics I might not have.

Flipping through the books, it was a typical collection. Lots of issues from the last ten years, a handful that were slightly older then that. Tucked way back at the end of the wrack was something I couldn’t believe. An issue of Sonic #0, from the original mini-series! The very first “Sonic” comic Archie ever published! With a totally reasonable asking price, I scooped the book up and ran to the clerk. He gave me an odd look, smiling strangely, as I handed a few crumpled up bills. “I hope you enjoy that,” he said, nodding slowly. The man looked somewhat familiar yet I couldn’t place his face. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it.

After returning home, I put the bag down on my desk and went about my day. It wasn’t until the next day, after work, that I was able to really look at the book. Glancing at the cover, I immediately realized something was different. Sonic’s eyes were strangely blank, the pupils missing among the white sclera. As far as I knew, no misprints of this issue ever existed. Which meant I had an especially rare version, perhaps a one of a kind copy. I ran my thumb over the cover, making sure that this wasn’t the work of a pranksters or hoax artist. There was no addition paint or white out. This was a genuine copy.

Thumbing through the issue, I noticed other odd art mistakes. Sonic’s missing pupils weren’t confined to the cover. Every time he appeared in the book, his eyes were wrong. Just white starring voids, without the black dot to denote expression or feeling. This wasn’t the only oddness. Passing the page where he first met Caterkiller, I didn’t notice it at first. It was only after backtracking did I see the error. The robot’s teeth had been miscolored red by mistake, almost as if blood was dripping from his fangs. The speech bubble was screwed up too. Instead of saying his name, he introduced himself to Sonic as “Your Killer.” This was a seriously messed up book. No way it was real, I thought to myself. I was obviously holding a fake copy in my hand, albeit a well made fake. Somebody’s idea of a dumb joke.

I kept reading, too curious to put it down. I was going to see this prank through to the end. Scanning ahead a few pages, I hit the part where Sonic reaches Freedom HQ. The first introduction of Sally and the other Freedom Fighters. Yet there was something wrong on these pages too. The dialogue and expressions were normal. But Sally… Her eyes were entirely red. Like blood. Just huge bloody voids where her eyes would normally be. Almost as if someone had plucked them out of her head. That sight made a chill run up my spine.

It’s just a stupid prank, I thought. A prank somebody had put a lot of time into, digitally manipulating the images, printing them out, bounding the pages. Even keeping the old ads intact and then selling the comic back to a shop. The more I thought about it, the less likely a hoax option seemed. As I continued through that first story, with its goofy ending about crying trees, I notice something else strange. None of the characters were smiling, laughing, or joking around. Each of them looked miserable, as if they were in constant agony.

As the story ended, I expected to see that dumb illustration of Sonic and Sally bemoaning a cut down tree. After all, that’s the next image that appeared in the book. Instead, the story from issue 3 began, of Sonic disguising himself as a robot to sneak into Robotnik’s compound. The thought occurred to me again that this was a rare misprint in my hands. That maybe all the weird faces were simply a bizarre coloring error. Except that didn’t make any sense. Why would a future issue get mixed up with the first one? A closer look revealed something more disturbing. Once again, the word bubbles had been tampered with. Rotor screamed “KILL!” on the second page. The word was hidden all throughout the story, normal vowels switched out with the cry to murder. I didn’t want to read this. I didn’t want to feel these things, to see these awful words shoved into the mouths of my favorite characters.

That second story ended prematurely. It’s as if the book was reading my thoughts, as if something was compelling the pages to change in my hand as I passed my fingers over them. But not for the better. For the second half of issue three had been replaced with yet another story.  The back half of issue 47, the start of “Endgame.” The death of Princess Sally. But what was already a sad story had been made more disturbing. Now, every characters’ eyes ran red with blood. Their tears were even blood, spots of red dotting their faces. Bunnie, Antoine, and Rotor seemed tormented by something even bigger then the death of their friend. Their agony became my own, a terrible feeling rising inside of me as I read through the comic.

Enough was enough. I didn’t know where it came from but I sure as hell didn’t want it in my house anymore. I slammed the comic shut, ran across the room, and threw it in the trashcan. Tomorrow, I was going back to the comic shop. I was going to give the clerk an earful, ask him why the hell he was selling photoshopped comics. I was freaked out by it but I couldn’t imagine what a kid would think, an innocent picking that up, expecting a friendly kid’s comic but seeing this weirdness instead.

I went straight to bed. The whole ordeal had exhausted me. I was tired enough that I went right out. Yet my sleep was haunted by the most horrible images. Terrible spectres emerging from my bedroom wall, starring down at me with clasping bone jaws. A runny, crimson liquid ran from their sockets. Like the blood in the comic. As the dream went on, the faces changed, morphing into the cartoon likenesses of Sonic and his friends. Their faces twisted in pain, in torment. They could not beg for an end to their infinite suffering. Instead, they could only scream out one word, prolonged by the pain. “KILL,” I heard them scream. “KILL!” Sonic and Bunnie and Rotor said again. Kill them, I realized. End the agony that they couldn’t escape from themselves.

When I awoke, my skin was damp with sweat. I tried to rationalize. That the dumb prank had just spooked me. That the dream came from my own mixed up brain and not from some outside force, not from some evil dwelling in that dreadful book. I knew what I had to do. I retrieved the comic from the trash, Sonic’s smirk on the cover seeming to mock me. To relish in the pain it had caused me. I jumped in my car and drove back to the comic shop. At the very least, the shop owner would give me my money back.

And that was when the weirdest thing of all happened. As I drove downtown, I looked all around the road where the shop had been yesterday. I passed the pharmacy over and over again, baffled by the empty lot next to it. Finally, I parked my car and decided to investigate on foot. There was no way the comic shop could’ve been knocked down overnight. There was no debris, no sign that a building had been there yesterday. It was gone, as if it had never been there in the first place. Holding the cursed comic book in my hand, that was when the memory of the day before came rushing back to me. The reason why the man behind the counter had looked so familiar. It was a face I knew, someone I had seen before. For the man that sold me the horrible comic was… was…

THE 1998 SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COMIC BEST/WORST LIST!

If I could choose one word to describe what 1998 was like for Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic, it would be “experimental.” This was the comic’s first full year without Robotnik, allowing Karl Bollers to re-establish the world of Mobius and wrap up the Ixis Naugus story line. Ken Penders’ “Knuckles the Echidna” series continued to defiantly be its own thing. The Sonic Super Special series devoted a whole issue to Sonic and friends being kids and - proving that “experimental” doesn’t always mean “good” - a baffling crossover with another company’s characters. If you pick up a Sonic comic 18 years ago, odds you didn’t get stories about a fast hedgehog grabbing rings and jumping on robots’ heads. The comic was, gloriously, it’s own weird thing.

Archie Comics released the following “Sonic” titles in 1998:

Sonic the Hedgehog: #56-68
Knuckles the Echidna: #10-21
Sonic Super Special: #4-7

BEST COVER STORY:
Ken Penders, "The Chaotix Caper: Part One - The Unsuspecting" - (Knuckles the Echidna: Issue 13)

No story ever published by Archie owns as much ass as issue 13 of “Knuckles the Echidna” did. A kid fucking dies of a drug overdose, in direct view of the reader. Charmy and his friends are given proper time to mourn. Julie-Su is a bad ass bitch who doesn’t take shit off no one and does some detective-ing. The Chaotix actually work as a team unit, for once. The cherry on the top is a gritty, film noir style narration from Harry the cab driver. The rest of the “The Chaotix Caper” story arc didn’t live up to its awesome first chapter, but I’ll never forget how excited I became when first reading this issue back in the day. It rocks then and it rocks now.

WORST COVER STORY:
Scott Fulop, "Immortality is forever... Life is Finite" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 56)

What the fuck is this? Easily one of the hardest to follow story Archie would ever publish, the ungainly entitled “Immortality is forever… Life is Finite” was Scott Fulop’s inglamorous swan song. The cast members leap around bizarre, surreal locations with little reasoning. Characters appear randomly. The story bends in odd directions, never bothering to inform the reader why. I had no idea what the hell was going on half the time. Some of this can be blamed on the smudged artwork. But it’s mostly Fulop’s fault, for writing a script that is so impossibly put together.

BEST BACK STORY:
Karl Bollers, "And Then There Was One" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 66)

In my reviews, “backstory” has too often been a dirty word. Usually, it means the book coming to a pause so someone can tediously expound on their history. There’s one exception to this rule, though. Bollers’ “And Then There Was One” provides an appropriately mythic, compelling origin for Ixis Naugus. The three wizards trying to gain the power of sun plays out like a fairy tale. As does the ironic end, where one of them betrays the other. This sets up Naugus’ treacherous personality and also explains his elemental powers. It’s a fun, satisfying read.

WORST BACK STORY:
Uncredited, "The Living Crown" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 58)

To this day, we don’t know if Ken Penders or Scott Fulop is responsible for introducing the concept of the Source of All. “The Living Crown” is an exposition heavy story that reveals the truth behind the Acorn monarchy: The kings are ordained by God, who speaks to them through a pool of molten gold. Which seems like an awkward justification for why an advanced civilization like Mobius would still have a king. It’s also really fucking weird. Out of all the pseudo-mythical bullshit the comic would throw at us over the years, the bossy, drippy Source of All is probably my least favorite.

BEST STORY ARC:
Karl Bollers, "In Search Of..." / "The Fellowship of the Rings" / "A Friend in Deed" – (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issues 64-66)

There were a lot of singular good issues in 1998 but few satisfying story arcs. The three-parter that wrapped up the Ixis Naugus story line ended up being the most consistent. The first issue, an action packed story that also saved time for Sonic and Tails’ friendship, was quite good. The conclusion similarly balanced punches, with a three-way fight between super forms, and emotion, with Eddy the Yeti’s sacrifice. That balance is, more or less, exactly what I ask of this book. The middle chapter, however, was a snore, primarily devoted to Nate Morgan drolly explaining his history. Two out of three ain’t bad.

WORST STORY ARC:
Ken Penders, "On His Majesty's Secret Service" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issues 61-64)

“On His Majesty’s Secret Service” re-organized five existing characters and a new one into a team. Sadly, it never gave us any insight into why Geoffrey St. John chose this people, which included Hershey, a traitor to the crown. The cast members are shoved about by the plot, the reader never relating to any of them. We only see the team interact during two underwhelming training missions. The most interesting element, about Sally’s continued frustration with her father, is brushed aside. In the end, it was all mindless set-up for a story line in Penders’ beloved “Knuckles” series, wrapped in a truly lame James Bond pastiche. Booo.

BEST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 63 - Patrick Spaziante

It’s a cliché for a reason but the truth is there: Sometimes, less is more. Spaz draws Sonic leaning against a giant statue of himself against a white backdrop. He nicely portrays Sonic’s ambivalence to what this monument means. The statue dwarfs Sonic but his nonchalant posture illustrates his lack of respect. The detailing on the statue is awesome, Sonic is expressive, and the simple colors cause the image to pop. It’s one of my favorite of Spaziante’s many great covers.

WORST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 66 - Patrick Spaziante

This, on the other hand, is not. Spaz draws Naugus with a hideous overbite, the wizard looking like an especially ugly orc. Sonic leans in front, grimacing in a way that suggests he urgently needs a bathroom break. A puke pumpkin orange color fills in the back. It’s a lot of visually unappealing elements that might have been okay isolated but grate when thrown together. The whole does not please the eyes.

BEST STORY ART:
"In Search Of..." - Steven Butler (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 64)

Steven Butler became the series’ regular artist in 1998 and routinely delivered great work. His artwork was gritty but not at the expense of humor or personality. It was hugely detailed but never without purpose. Butler also had a strength for action, which is gamely displayed in this story’s struggle between Sonic and Naugus. The panels of Sonic sliding through the snow and leaping around the mountain top hit the reader powerfully. The snowy location and grim castle in the distance also provide a compelling atmosphere. It’s good stuff.

WORST STORY ART:
"Outback Gut Check" - Harvey Mercadoocasio (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 61)

Harvey Mercadoocasio was a fine inker, working on many of the series’ specials and mini-series over many years. Whenever he penciled a story, his work was less consistent. Issue 61’s “Outback Gut Check,” sadly, provides a nadir for Mercadoocasio’s drawing ability. The characters bend between pudgy and angular. The faces are uniform and doe-eyed. Heads and limbs frequently change shape. Harvey too frequently reduces crowds or punches to indistinct blob. No wonder Mercadoocasio would usually stick to inking.

BEST NEW CHARACTER:
Eddy the Yeti

Karl Bollers obviously intended Nate Morgan to be the break-out character of the year. His appearance was hyped up, the character even receiving a cover. Morgan, with his tendency to babble on about history and technology, didn’t win too many hearts. His usually silent assistant, however, was crucial to one of the year’s biggest tear-jerkers.

Eddy, the awesome looking cyborg yeti, was a gentle giant, fiercely loyal to his friends. He only spoke when necessary, letting his actions speak for him. He routinely put his life on the line to protect those he cared about. This tendency ultimately cost the character his life, sacrificing himself to save his friends. Though his impact on the book would be limited, Eddy is still remembered all these years later.

WORST NEW CHARACTER:
Moritori Rex

One of the year’s dumbest reveals centered around Moritori Rex. Personality wise, Moritori – or should that be Rex? – wasn’t distinguished from his dad, a former Dark Legion fanatic. The truly dumb part came when Tobor’s own father couldn’t tell his son apart from this guy. You’d think Moritori would use his place inside the Brotherhood as a way to undermine his enemy. Instead, he screws around for hundreds of years, seemingly never acting.

(This was so dumb that, years later, Ian Flynn used an encyclopedia entry to clarify that, yes, the character did perform some sabotage. But we didn’t know that in 1998.)

And the minute his grand scheme is interrupted? He turns tail and flees, going back to the villain’s side where he also accomplished nothing. What a jack ass and what a stupid plot.


BEST IDEA:
Sonic and Tails on the Road

Best idea, maybe not the best execution. Letting Sonic and Tails travel around the world allowed the cover stories to focus on action-heavy tales that would please the young boy readership, while leaving room in the back pages for stories about what was happening at home in Knothole. At least, that was the idea. Too often, this was an excuse for Michael Gallagher and Frank Strom to revisit previous concepts. However, when the time came to put Tails and Sonic in strange new places, that produced some interesting ideas. I wish that was the case more often but I still think this concept was a good beginning point.


WORST IDEA:
The Brotherhood, the Source of All, and the Image Crossover

The book’s world and mythology grew a lot this year. And not always in the best way. In “Knuckles,” the constant melodrama and mishandling of the Brotherhood of the Guardians became an on-going snore. Every time Locke or one of his grandfathers showed up, the readers rolled their eyes. It didn’t help that nearly every one of these guys are massive jerks, controlling, manipulative, and unwilling to come right out and say anything. The Source of All, meanwhile, added a mystical and bossy presence to Sally’s side of the equation, which she definitely did not need.

Lastly, one must give a dishonorable mention to the Image Crossover, one of the most ill-conceived stories to ever appear in “Sonic.” Shoving the hedgehog together with a bunch of grimdark superheroes didn’t gel. The plot was both generic and a mess. Ken’s original creations were unwelcomed. As far as ideas go, this has to be one of the worst to ever cross Archie’s editorial desk.