Sabrina the Teenage Witch: Issue 28

Sabrina the Teenage Witch: Issue 28
Publication Date: July 1999

Despite the fact that I’ve been reading Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” comics nearly my entire life, I’ve never had any interest in their other flagship characters. I’m referring to the character the company is actually named after and his supporting cast of love interests, friends, and spin-offs. I’ve never felt the need to read the adventures of the Riverdale gang. However, there is one Archie character I have some familiarity with. Or at least, a version of her anyway…

Archie (the company) first started publishing comics featuring Sabrina the Teenage Witch back in the early sixties. She often crossed over with Archie (the character) and got her own series in 1971, which ran for thirteen years. In the mid-nineties, for some reason, ABC aired a sitcom based off Sabrina’s comic book and starring Melissa Joan Hart. Watching now as an adult, I now know the show is incredibly dumb. As a kid, I rarely missed an episode. Starting in May 1997, Archie began to publish a “Sabrina” comic book again, obviously to tie in with the successful TV show.

Why the hell am I talking about this? For some reason, in the summer of 1999, Sonic the Hedgehog and Sabrina the Teenage Witch met in issue 28 of her comic book. The cross-over would continue in issue 10 of the Sonic Super Specials series. I can’t figure out the narrative reasons why Archie thought these two drastically different characters should meet. But I can take a guess at the financial reasons. This particular incarnation of the “Sabrina” comic book would end in December of 1999, a few months after this issue was published. That suggests Sabrina’s sales were starting to flag, even with the successful sitcom on the air. Archie probably hopped a cross-over with “Sonic” – whose popularity was supporting three separate series at the time – would help sell a few more “Teenage Witch” comics. Obviously, the plan didn’t work. (Archie has subsequently rebooted “Sabrina” at least two more times.)

Sonic and Sabrina don’t encounter each other until the second story in issue 28 of “Sabrina.” But I’m a professional and, thus, will review the entire comic book. “Thor Loser” – get used to puns on that level – begins in whatever alternate realm witches come from in the Archie-verse. Some sorcerer named Enchantra is pissed at Sabrina. After helping her get an A+ on her history report, Sabrina failed to properly credit Enchantra. Yes, a missed citation is all it takes to ensure the wizard’s wrath. Anyway, Enchantra’s secretary, Della, is ordered to sic the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse on Sabrina and her aunts. Because of a typing error, the Four Norseman attack Sabrina’s home instead. The witches stun the Norsemen, which includes the god Thor, and wipes their memories. Aunt Helga and Zelda take three of the Norseman to Florida. Sabrina takes Thor for a walk through the park. After raining thunder down on Sabrina’s friends, Enchantra realizes the mistake and zaps all the four guys back to Norway.

Man, if you thought the humor in the early “Sonic” comics were pedestrian, get a load of this shit. What passes for jokes in “Sabrina” are the broadest of sight gags. When Thor meets Sabrina’s friends, he launches their croquet ball into orbit, crushes the dude’s hand during a handshake, and creates a thunder storm. Aside from the handful of painful puns, that’s pretty much it. The sitcom might have actually had more sophisticated humor then this. No, the implications of memory wiping and mind control are not explored. Neither is why seemingly omniscient witches have to use typewriters. Dan DeCarlo had been drawing “Sabrina” and many other Archie series since the sixties. His artwork is fairly flat, jagged, and overly cartoony. But I also suspect this shitty comic book doesn’t represent his best work.

At the end of “Thor Loser,” Salem – that’s Sabrina’s talking cat – mentions how he collects “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic books. That takes us to the first half of “Some Enchantra Evening,” the cover story. Still pissed at Sabrina, Enchantra uses the internet to search the multi-verse for another character to send after the teenage girl. She discovers Mobius and Sonic the Hedgehog. While Sonic and Sally are arguing about their relationship in a desert, Enchantra lures Sonic away. She zaps the hedgehog to her world, takes over his mind, and flies him to Sabrina’s house. While the teen girl sleeps, Salem – who is, remember, a house cat – fights off the violent, brainwashed Mobian. The fight wrecks the house. Eventually, Sabrina and Princess Sally get involved, hoping to stop Sonic’s path of destruction.

Mike Gallagher wrote both of these stories. Gallagher wrote some decent “Sonic” stories in the past but, if this issue is any indication, his work on “Sabrina” was strictly phoned in. The short segment set on Mobius suggests that Mike hasn’t been keeping up with the changes that have affected Sonic’s world since he left the book. Sonic and Sally argue about their romance in a non-descriptive setting. They make vague references to lots of crazy shit happening in Mobius but no specifics. Nicole, meanwhile, yells cliched catchphrases. I don’t know why.

Once Sonic runs into the Spellman house, the comedic tone remains dire. Salem the Cat fights Sonic by zapping him with a magic ray and tripping him up with kitty litter. Considering Sonic has tangled with some serious threats, this suggests that Enchantra’s mind control is seriously lessening his abilities. There are jokes in the story, I think, but they are only of the lamest variety. Even as a simple comedic story, it’s full of plot holes. Why isn’t Sabrina awoken sooner by Sonic reaping destruction on her house? How the hell does Sally cross into an alternate universe?

Another weird thing about this story is the art work. Dan DeCarlo continues to draw the Sabrina characters. Sonic and friends, meanwhile, are drawn by Dave Manak. It’s clear that Manak is a student of DeCarlo, as their style is similar. Considering this, I don’t know why they didn’t have Manak just draw the whole story. Manak’s artwork is as angular and cartoony as always. He adapts awkwardly to the characters then current designs. Sonic’s green irises just make his eyes bulge. Sally’s more anime-esque physique is barely carried over.

“Some Enchantra Evening” ends on a cliffhanger, the story concluding in Sonic Super Special number 10, which we’ll cover next time. If this stunt was meant to draw Sonic fans to Sabrina’s book, I can see why it didn’t work. Issue 28 of “Sabrina” is extremely dumb, a comedy book with jokes so lame a child could’ve written them. And we don’t even have peak-hotness Melissa Joan Hart to look at! [4/10]