THE 2005 SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COMIC BEST/WORST LIST!

This may seem like a hot take but, in my opinion, 2005 was the worst year for Archie's “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic book. I know 2001 and 2004 were previously regarded as some of the series' lowest points. And, yeah, those years were rough. As bad as they were, neither of them almost caused me to quit the series. 2005, on the other hand, was the dullest of the Penders/Bollers years, full of bullshit story turns, out-of-character writing, and ill-conceived ideas. This was such a bad year for the comic that I considered not even doing a Best/Worst list. Instead, I thought about employing one of those “From Bad to Worst” list that Dan Drazen was so fond of. However, in the end, there was juuuusssst enough positive material to scrap together a rounded list. It wasn't easy.

This was, it most be noted, the first year in quite a while where more than one “Sonic” series was under consideration. The “Sonic X” book launched in the last quarter of 2005. True, “Sonic X” has yet to impress (or annoy) me enough to grab any of the below honors. But it does feel nice to be mixing things up again.

The “Sonic” material covered in this retrospective is as follows:

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 145-157
Sonic X: Issue 1-4

BEST COVER STORY:
“Songoose: Part 1” - Karl Bollers (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 153)

With “Songoose,” we bid adieu to Karl Bollers. The writer managed to leave “Sonic” on something of a high note. While the second half of this two parter was disappointing enough to keep “Songoose” from earning the Best Arc distinction, the first half was one of the few decent cover stories this year. Robotnik targeting Mina because her music annoys him is a funny touch. While I wasn't a fan of the Sonic/Mina romance being resurrected yet again, it was nice to see all the characters working together for once. Karl even manged to sneak in some character development for Fiona Fox and Antoine's dad. It's not a lot but in a year as stinky as 2005, it's what passes for Best Cover Story.

(For the record, “Field Trip of DOOM!” from “Sonic X: issue 3” was the clear runner-up in this category and even that story was just decent.)

WORST COVER STORY:
“Sonic's Angels” - Ken Penders (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 152)

This fucking thing... An issue of “Sonic” hasn't pissed me off this much since 134's “Say You Will.” From the central concepts on down, this one is rotten. Sonic's love interests – with the notable exception of Sally – gathering around him for a mission was a brain dead idea, especially since Mina is no longer a field agent. Despite that set-up, there's little romantic tension in the air, making the premise even more of a waste.

Yet that is far less obnoxious then the infamous quasi-rape that Bunnie suffers in this issue. Abducted by the Nanites, her limbs are melted into goo while probes explore her private areas. The rotten cherry on this shit sundae was Sonic rescuing her with some flawed logic and getting a big kiss for his troubles. In that instant, any reasoning for Bunnie's torment is swept away, making room for Sonic playing hero.

This kind of thing never should have happen and it especially shouldn't have happened to Bunnie, the one character even Archie Sonic fans can agree on.

BEST BACK STORY:
“Stargazing” - Tania del Rio (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 151)

The only story from 2005 that could genuinely be described as a fan favorite is 151's “Stargazing,” a back-up feature from newcomer Tania del Rio. Not only did it introduce Nicole's wildly popular lynx form, it's actually a quite touching story. By taking physical form, Nicole can see, feel, and hear in ways she never could before. Adding a pleasant whiff of melancholy, it's ultimately an ephemeral experience for her. Sally, who did not have a great year, gets a chance to realize the little blessings in her life. A quietly observant tale like this was something the book needed more of this year.

WORST BACK STORY:
“The Edge of Parodies” - Michael Gallagher (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 147)

There were no shortage of candidates for this one in 2005. What about the utterly useless refresher course in 145's “Training Day?” Or maybe Tommy the Turtle's latest, lamest transformation in 154's “More Than Meets the Eye?”

Both were bad but, yet again, another one of those stupid fucking Off-Panel stripes emerges to grab the title. “The Edge of Parodies” is an obnoxious dose of self-indulgence from Mike Gallagher and Dave Manak, recasting each other as omnipowerful superheroes, trying to one-up each other. Sonic becomes a supporting character in his own comic, desperate to end this buffoonery. The reader can relate to his pain. It's another pointless, masturbatory bit of nonsense from the “Off-Panel” team, who keep getting five page stories for some reason.

BEST STORY ARC:
“The Chosen One” - Romy Chacon (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 149-150)

It's with some reluctance that I give “The Chosen One,” Romy Chacon's two parter from 149 and 150, the Best Story Arc prize. This is, after all, the story that gave us Titan Tails, one of the most embarrassing bits of Archie Sonic lore.

If you're able to overlook that unfortunate creation, this emerges as an okay story. The “Tails is the Chosen One” plot point is finally laid to rest after literally a decade of build-up. Mammoth Mogul graduates to an actual threat for the first time, before once again being shuffled out of the book. It's not just Tails' power that proves him as a hero. It's his choice to give up that power that makes him really special, a surprisingly insightful idea. And Tails' heroic acts are ultimately motivated by his love for Sonic, giving this one some grounding emotion. I'll take it.

WORST STORY ARC:
“The Good, The Bad, & The Unknown” - Ken Penders (Sonic the Hedgehog: 146-149)

This was an easy choice. “The Good, The Bad, & The Unknown” has to be one of my most hated story arcs from the book's entire history. What should've been a simple fight between Sonic, Shadow, and Metal Sonic is stretched on for four agonizing issues. Several plot points that would never be resolved are raised. Not that we cared about them anyway, as they are truly dull, dumb stuff. A random selection of Freedom Fighters rush around the story, contributing little to it. Lastly, most of the third part is devoted to brain-meltingly dull exposition. This is one I couldn't wait to toss in the recycling bin.

BEST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 151 – Patrick Spaziante

Spaz continued to adopt a more Sega-like style for this year's cover, which I wasn't a huge fan of. Some were, admittedly, pretty eye-catching. 146 and 157 were both devoted to Shadow posing like a bad-ass, against striking black backgrounds. 149 is probably my second favorite cover of the year. Shadow being cast as Sonic's, well, shadow is a nice visual while the red and black color scheme draws the eye.

Yet the only cover this year that really felt like a classic Spaziante illustration was issue 151. The sight of Sonic floating shoulder deep in water is the kind of classic “hero imperiled” imagery that makes you want to pick up the book. I also like the look of astonishment and panic on Sonic's face. The title graphic is distractedly cheesy but otherwise I dig this one a lot.

WORST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 153 – Sanford Greene

Presumably because Spaz began to do the covers for “Sonic X,” Archie brought in a new artist to draw four of this year's covers. And, boy, did they miscalculate. Sanford Greene's hideous, garish covers are some of the worst out of the series' entire run.

And his worst is issue 153. Sonic makes a stink-eye worthy face, as if he's suddenly become aware of his own hideousness. His body awkwardly bends around a series of laser beams, criss-crossing in a bunch of random directions. His hand poses weirdly and his tail seems enormous. Add in coloring that is both too muted and too bright and you've got one ugly ass cover.

BEST STORY ART:
“Fairy Tale” - Art Mawhinney (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 153)

One of the rare bright spots in 2005 was Art Mawhinney drawing so many stories. (Steven Butler also did some consistently good work, the sole positive attribute of the “Good, Bad, Unknown” arc.) Sadly, this would be Art's last year on the book.

Probably my favorite of his contribution in '05 was “Fairy Tale.” A fairly disposable back-up story, where Rosie re-imagines the Freedom Fighters as fantasy heroes in a bedtime story for the orphans, it features some classical, beautiful Sonic artwork. Feeling like lost 'SatAM” story boards, we see Pirate Sally and Sonic the Blue Knight adventure through some forest and fight some monsters. The characters are perfectly cute and the details are rich. A gorgeous sepia coloring job makes an otherwise forgettable story pop fantastically.

WORST STORY ART:
“Sonic's Angels” - Jon Gray and Al Bigley (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue: 152)

Again, there was no lack of viable options for this category. Ron Lim drew several stories, with 146's “Out of the Shell” and the second half of “Songoose” easily being his most flat, most tired work. Ken Penders stepped up to draw 154's “More Than Meets the Eye” and what met the eye was ugly.

But I'm not done bitching about “Sonic's Angels” yet. Jon Gray's overly cartoonish artwork is wholly inappropriate for the story's first half, especially that horrifying panel of Bunnie and a bizarre scene draped in an American flag for no reason. Al Bigley takes over for the second half and it's clear that Bigley doesn't know how to draw these characters. Snively is grossly off-model, Sonic's limbs jut out in all directions, and Mina suddenly has a college girl's physique.

BEST NEW CHARACTERS:
Nicole the Holo-Lynx

Yes, Nicole is a character that has been in the book since nearly the beginning, first appearing in issue 17 and on SatAM before that. For the eleven years she's been part of the cast, Nicole has rarely been anything more then Sally's personal computer. An occasional sassy one-liner was the only thing that made Nicole more than a prop.

With the introduction of her Holo-Lynx form, Nicole makes the belated evolution into an honest-to-God character. Her brush with humanity pushes her towards actual person-hood. She suddenly has thoughts, feelings, observations, fears and doubts, experiencing these things for the first time. Future writers would run with this, allowing Nicole to blossom into such an essential cast member that you wonder what the book did before her. That is the one truly lasting contribution 2005 made to Sonic's legacy. (Though, yes, she still sounds like Kath Soucie doing a robot voice in my head.)

WORST NEW CHARACTERS:
Isaac

Isaac, on the other hand, is a character I couldn't be more eager to get rid of. A rather literal recolor of E-102 Gamma, as he looks just like him but painted gold, the character does nothing but deliver reams and reams of exposition.  It gets to the point where the robot is actually talking over the other characters, indulging in a snore-inducing history lesson. Visually and personality wise, the character is as mind-numbingly boring as possible. The story arc ends by promising another appearance from Isaac. Thankfully, that would never come to pass.


BEST IDEA:
Resolving Long Lingering Plot Points

There weren't very many good ideas in 2005. But, as the book would do from time to time, the writers did wrap up some long lingering plot points. The most prominent of which was Tails being the Chosen One. After ten years of build-up, Romy Chacon tagged and bagged that one in ten pages.

Antoine's sudden transformation into a massive ass-wipe wasn't floating around for nearly as long. But was just as annoying. That one got resolved too, albeit in a clumsy manner involving a look-a-like from another dimension. At least we have the real Antoine back. That counts for a lot.


WORST IDEAS:
Shadow-Mania!
Sonic the Playboy!
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Tommy Turtle?

The bad ideas, meanwhile, piled up to such a degree that there was a three-way tie in this totally imaginary competition of mine. Where does one begin?

Was the worst idea of the year the book shoving Shadow into so many stories? One of two things happened. Maybe Archie was eager to capitalize on Shadow's soaring popularity. Maybe Sega forced them to do it. Either way, Shadow took over so many of 2005's stories that he practically became a main character. All this overexposure did was display the limits of the so-called ultimate life form's personality. Shadow would bungle into things, trying to learn more of this past without ever giving the reader any real reason to care. (Rouge the Bat, to a lesser degree, was also forced into a few stories that didn't need to feature her.)

That was dumb but far more offensive was the comic's bizarre decision to turn Sonic into a “playa.” At first, his evil double got the blame. Despite that, the real deal continued with this caddish behavior. The hedgehog would seemingly hook up with Fiona, Bunnie, Mina, and Amy over this year, grossing the reader out more and more as the hero continued to act like a philandering pick-up artist.

Lastly, but just as annoying, was the book's insistence on forcing Tommy the Turtle into stories. The turtle just showing up and being himself wasn't enough to make him interesting. Then they tried making him Rotor's hyper-efficient lab assistant. When that didn't work, they had the Nanites bound to his shell, giving him transformative abilities. None of these desperate pleas fixed the most obvious problem: That Tommy contributed nothing to the team and, considering he was created to die, had no reason to be there anyway.