Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.38: Sonic the Matchmaker

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.38: Sonic the Matchmaker

Original Air Date: October 13th, 1993

"Sonic the Matchmaker" is another rare episode of "Adventures" that displays a bit of continuity, bringing back two characters from previous episodes. (Sort of. More on that in a minute.) Robotnik desires companionship and decides to build himself a robot wife. In order to make sure she doesn't betray him like previous creations, he orders Scratch and Grounder to retrieve two of those rebellious machines: Breezie and Robotnik Jr. After Breezie is snatched on live television, Sonic and Tails set off to rescue her and Junior. While in captivity, Junior develops a crush on Breezie, asking for Tails' help to win the hedgehog-bot's heart. With his bride in tow, Robotnik decides to destroy a village's water supply on his honeymoon, bringing these divergent plot points together. 

Yes, once again, my decision to watch "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" in its original air order has fucked things up. This episode takes place after Robotnik Jr.'s introduction in "Robotnik Jr.," the twenty-ninth episode produced. This installment even features clips from that earlier episode. Despite that, whatever screwheads decided the airing order put this one before its proper prequel. I'm sure that confused some kids in 1993, so I guess it's fitting that I accurately recreate that frustration now. (Also, I'm pretty sure I said Breezie's introduction in "Lovesick Sonic" was her sole appearance, totally forgetting about this later episode. So I double fucked-up here.)

But anyway, let's discuss something more important: The sex drives of these cartoon characters. After they are late for dinner, Robotnik demands that Scratch and Grounder make him happy, an unnerving double entendre that I assumed was unintentional... Until a few minutes later, when Robotnik confirms that he is in fact talking about romantic companionship. He soon builds himself a "Bride of Frankenstein"-inspired wife named Omletta. And if you thought the writers were being coy with the adult implications of this, Grounder makes sure to note that Robotnik's robo-bride is fucking stacked. So we are forced to face an unpleasant truth: Robotnik can get horny and is willing to build a robot to help resolve this problem. 

Thankfully, that's the extend of the adult subtext this time. (Though Breezie's cleavage and sex kitten purr are maintained. There's also some shots of her tied up, if you're into that kind of thing.) Robotnik's honeymoon seems devoted to Omletta pampering him only in G-rated ways. In fact, the focus of Robotnik's honeymoon is his Immortan Joe-style desire to drain a local waterfall and destroy the surrounding community's ecosystem. This move characterizes Robotnik as a distinctly different type of evil dictator. He's not Hitler or Mussolini, but closer to Papa Doc or Idi Amin. He's willing to totally destroy the world and people around him to further his hedonistic lifestyle or whatever childish whims he has that day. That would be scary if this was any other type of show.

 

But Robotnik's despotic nature is not the real topic of this episode. That would be romance. Junior wants some of Breezie's sweet robotic hedgehog lovin' but she only has eyes for Sonic. Despite what the end of "Lovesick Sonic" suggested, our hero is not willing to rekindle a romance with Breezie. Though he pretty clearly still finds her attractive, her robotic nature is off-putting to him. (The writers probably should've made Breezie's previous betrayal the real deal breaker for Sonic but this show isn't that smart.) Despite Sonic repeatedly pointing out that Breezie isn't his type, she continues to hold feelings for him. Sonic friend-zoning a robot built specifically to seduce him probably could've led to a pretty interesting episode but it's just one idea floating around inside this dumbass script.

Junior having the hots for Breezie drives much of the episode. His methods are, as the kids say, "problematic." Breezie thinks Junior is kind of dorky, which is accurate. Instead of accepting she doesn't like him, or at least seeking some self-improvement, Junior and Tails engineer contrived scenarios that will make Junior look heroic. They don't work but Junior is also never judged for his manipulative tactics. Later, Breezie has a totally abrupt change of heart. She heroically rescues Junior from a waterfall. In a totally shift of personality for her, she decides Junior's pathetic dependence on her is sexy and the two end up together. (Sonic then suggests he has a similar relationship with Tails, creating some hilariously unfortunate implications.)

So, yes, here's a kids cartoon telling young boys that it's okay, or at least not a big deal, to lie and manipulate girls to get them to like you. The moral seems to be that a sexy girl will eventually come around to loving you, if you're pathetic just long enough. Shitty, wish-fulfillment-y writing like this is part of why so many young boys grew into entitled men and incels. Yet another thing we can blame on Sonic the Hedgehog... More pointedly, it's just bad writing. A better ending would've been Junior realizing his jerky behavior means he's not ready for a relationship yet. At the very least, Breezie remaining fixated on Sonic, and Junior going to even more pathetic depths to win her heart, would've been funnier. 

No, the old weirdos who wrote and drew this show can only imagine sexy women as wanting to fuck men or torment them, which is what happens with Robotnik and Omletta. I'm not blaming the show for its casual sexism, as that was the culture at the time, but it still ends up being the most interesting thing about a pretty bland episode. Maybe this show is more compelling when the writers let their freak flags fly, "Zoobotnik"-style, as their attempts at normal romance are dysfunctional. Either way, there's really no excuse for an episode that starts out so screwy ending in such a routine manner. "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," I demand you be more insane and perverted more often. [5/10]