Sonic X, Episode 1.06: Techno-Teacher

Sonic X, Episode 1.06: Techno-Teacher

Japanese Title: Fierce Battle! School Wars

Japanese Air Date: May 11th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: October 11th, 2003

The sixth episode of "Sonic X" begins with Eggman coming to a conclusion: If he wants to take over the world, he needs to be admired. And children are naïve and stupid and therefore easy to impress. If he can brainwash kids into loving him, he's on his way to total global domination. To facilitate this goal, he sends a teacher robot named E-51 Intelligente to Chris' school. The kids immediately love the robot, the machine in turn growing fond of his students. Eggman is incensed that the kids are admiring the robot and not him, so he heads to the school and starts acting like an asshole. Eventually, Sonic rushes in and rescues Chris – who is missing out on a visit with his mom and dad – from this milquetoast threat. 

I referred to the previous installment of "Sonic X" as a filler episode. Yet at least it further developed Sonic and Knuckles' relationship. "Techno-Teacher" is way more of a filler episode. The Chaos Emeralds aren't even referenced in this half-hour. Eggman comes no closer to his goals of world domination and Sonic and his friends are no closer to heading home. Sonic isn't even in most of the episode, spending the majority of the runtime chilling on the roof of the Thorndyke mansion. His fight scene with Intelligente, which the Japanese title hyped up as a "fierce battle," lasts all of two minutes. One headbutt from Sonic is all it takes to explode the robot. This is the epitome of a filler episode, an installment that in no way moves the overall plot forward and has no effect on the rest of the show. 

But I'm used to "Sonic" cartoons acting as goofy comedy, so this doesn't really bother me too much. In fact, "School Wars" is a pretty amusing episode. The minute Intelligente arrives at the classroom, he throws Mr. Stewart out. The speed with which the kids grow attached to the robot suggests a government spy isn't a very good school teacher. Mr. Stewart is so stymied by this that he demands the military march in and destroy the machine. When that doesn't work, he goes to the police. The hamburger-munching cop is also unimpressed and ends up threatening to beat Mr. Stewart. A super-serious C.I.A. agent being repeatedly blocked in this absurd quest is pretty funny. I also admire the contempt this show to continues to have for American law enforcement. 

I'm also very used to Eggman/Robotnik being portrayed as an ineffectual egomaniac. Trying to trick a bunch of school kids into loving him, but just having them do shit like draw sketches of him, is definitely something "AoStH" Robotnik would do. When nobody wants a congratulatory Eggman sticker, and the villain just gives it to himself, I was especially reminded of the "Promotion" gag from "AoStH's" first episode. There's also some decent gags when Bokkun – thus far less manic than his comic book counterpart – calls Intelligente a bastard. Or when Frances repeatedly declares, in an over-the-top way, that she admires her robotic teacher so much, in direct opposition of Eggman's plans. 

It's dumb and childish and has very little to do with Sonic. But I still laughed a few times. Maybe this shit works for me a little better than expected because Japanese children's media is not so concerned with teaching kids morals, the way U.S. cartoons so frequently are. Which doesn't mean the characters don't learn a lesson. This whole ordeal seems to teach Mr. Stewart to value his students more. At the beginning of the episode, when Chris tells his furry friends that they'll have to hide while his parents visit, Sonic walks off. Chris wonders if the hedgehog is annoyed with him. When he arrives at the end to save the day, it seemingly proves to Chris that Sonic does care about him. 

Yes, this is a very Thorndyke-focused episode. We are given a little bit of insight into the dysfunctional relationship between Chris and his parents. Much the same way the "Underground" triplets and Archie Knuckles admired Queen Alena and Locke, despite them never being around, Chris cherishes his frequently missing parents. What is with the "Sonic" franchise and absentee parents? Chris' mom could believably be expected to be away from home for a long time, on location shoots or whatever, but his dad is a tech billionaire. He can work from home or something. Chuck makes excuses for his son but come on. When you're that rich, you can make your own goddamn schedule. Nelson isn't in Chris' life because he doesn't want to be. 

Despite leaving the actual day-to-day work of raising their son to his grandfather, a butler, and a maid, the Thorndyke parents still impose rules on Chris' life. They want him to behave like a normal child – again, in the giant mansion he lives in – so they don't have Tanaka pick him up from school. Despite that, when Chris is late returning home, Lindsey apparently almost called in the goddamn military. I guess, when you're that rich and famous, kidnappings and ransoms are genuine concerns... Yet this still feels like forcing their child to live a certain way while they're off doing whatever they want. My point is that Chris is going to grow up to resent his parents like crazy. 

Anyway... This is a show about a blue hedgehog that runs fast, right? I'm betting "School Wars" doesn't rank high on any "Sonic X" fan's list of favorite episodes. If you tuned-in on a Saturday morning, expecting to see your favorite spiny mammal kicking ass, this half-hour would definitely be disappointing. But it was weird and dumb enough to keep my attention. Perhaps watching all of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" and "Sonic Underground" has irrevocably altered my expectations for hedgehog-related cartoons... [6/10]