Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 30

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 30

Publication Date: August 19th, 2020

Any time one year long comic event ends, there’s always a transitional period. In superhero comics, this usually means getting back to whatever the writer was doing before the massive crossover interrupted everything. With the more singular “Sonic” books, Ian Flynn usually takes an issue or two before starting work on the next mega-arc. Issue 30 marks only the second time IDW’s “Sonic” book has done this. While we are certainly familiar with what Flynn has done in the past, it remains to be seen what — if anything — he’ll do differently this time.

“Cured” begins in the immediate aftermath of the Metal Virus Saga. Silver returns from the brink but Sonic is nowhere to be seen. The Restoration barely has time to consider their missing hero before the Deadly Six resume their attacks... Well, Zavok does anyway, as most of the Zetis just slink off in defeat. After subduing the monster, another attack happens: Eggman escapes in a shuttle, making off with Omega’s head and having Metal Sonic skewer Gemerl in the process. Meanwhile, in Blaze’s dimension, a very familiar face arrives.

Issue 30 isn’t the slower installment I was expecting. On one hand, of course things wouldn’t slow down right after the virus is flushed away. Just because the zombies are taken care of, doesn’t mean the Deadly Six are no longer a threat. Obviously, Eggman is going to use this suddenly Sonic-less time to recuperate and attack again. In some ways, this is a nice touch of realism. The world isn’t going to stop just because the populace has been through a bunch of crazy bullshit over the last several months. And it’s certainly in-character for Eggman and Zavok to strike while everyone is vulnerable. 

On the other hand, an action-packed issue is the last thing I want right now. “Cured” is an almost oppressive in its combat. Zavok shows back up on page 3, leading to almost all the good guys dogpiling him. Metal Sonic dives in not long after that, resulting in a fight between the robot and Shadow. Neither fight scene is all that memorable. Zavok is easily defeated, probably because he’s exhausted from his recent ass-kicking. (Though, in execution, this just makes the Zeti look like an inconsequential threat.) Meanwhile, Shadow and Metal’s fight is a scuffle that accomplishes nothing. It really feels like editorial was insisting Flynn keep the violence flowing. 

We know Flynn loves his mindless punching but we are also aware that he knows other ways to fill pages. We, very briefly, get a peek at what the characters’ emotional state must be. Amy is overwhelmed, fearful of Sonic’s fate and uncertain what to do next with the Restoration. Tails is mostly in panic mode. Knuckles is in complete denial about Sonic, while also being a huge dick about getting the refugees off Angel Island. Supposedly Sega is demanding that the Master Emerald remain Knuckles’ number one priority at all times, which is resulting in him developing isolationist politics. (Though I do like the scene of him bantering with the ever-flirtatious Rouge.) Weirdly, it’s Cream I’m most relating to here. She just wants the bad guys to disappear and for life to return to something resembling normal. Me too, little bunny. 

Honestly, the scene where Metal Sonic impales Gemerl can’t help but feel a little mean. How much do you want to traumatize Cream, Ian? This child has watched her mother turned into a zombie, faced down death herself, and now just saw her paternal guardian figure get run through. That bunny is going to need so much therapy. It’s easy to see why that moment was included, in order to reestablish that Eggman is still a scumbag. He’s planning something villainous. Which is mildly interesting, I guess. As is the final reveal that Sonic has been zapped to Blaze’s home world. Yet it’s all just more ever-advancing plot, which is exhausting after the heavy dramatics last issue. 

That I’m suddenly relating to Cream, a character I was previously totally ambivalent towards, is another example of Flynn’s continued efforts to flesh out the supporting cast. There’s a pretty cute scene where Wave congratulates Jet on not being a totally selfish egomaniac for once. Not only does this moment suggests the slightest romantic feelings, it also continues to give Jet more of an inner life. (Storm is still a big dumbass, though.) There’s also a funny moment where Zor delights in being hunted and persecuted, continuing his growth into the Deadly Six’s amusingly self-destructive comic relief. 

Priscilla Tramontano, probably my least favorite of the new artist to come onto the book, is back on penciling duties. Her work is improving. The characters are less angular and wide-eyed than the last time she drew them. A panel devoting to Amy falling to her knees in exhaustion is even quite good. Yet Tramontano’s action scenes continue to lack a sense of motion. The fight between Shadow and Metal is especially inert. It feels like the two super-charged hedgehogs are merely posing dramatically around each other. Tramontano adds a bunch of motion lines to make up for this but it doesn’t work. The stiff action is all the more apparent after Adam Bryce Thomas’ energetic work last issue.

It seems Ian Flynn’s groove is still off these days. He keeps going fast when he should be slowing down and slowing down when he should be picking up the pace. Hopefully next issue will focus a little more on what everyone is feeling and not so much on squeezing in as much action as possible. Or maybe I’m just an impossible-to-please old dude, with totally antiquated opinions about blue cartoon hedgehogs. That is entirely possible. Regardless of how old or grouchy I may or may not be, this use is still pretty awkward. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 29

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 29

Publication Date: July 22nd, 2020

The Metal Virus Saga more-or-less started in March of 2019, after some brief foreshadowing. In July of this year, it finally wrapped up. Fourteen months is, admittedly, less time than the literal years it took Flynn to conclude the Shattered World Crisis. Yet, COVID-related delays aside, I still feel like this story could have been just as impactful as it was during its best moments without feeling like it’s been going on for way too long. But, whatever, issue 29 finally brings the second big saga of IDW’s still young “Sonic” comic to an end. 

“All or Nothing, Part Four” has the Zombot swarm closing in on Angel Island, after Zavok furiously threw a fistful up there. Sonic, Metal Sonic, and Silver do what they can to get close to the last Emerald on Zavok’s chest but it’s a real fight for them. At the grimmest moment, Sonic and Silver get close and transform into their super-forms. The Deadly Six are defeated but the fight is far from over. Super Sonic and Super Silver now focus their attention on pulling the Metal Virus from the planet’s population and using the Warp Topaz to drop it into the sun. But that is easier said than done...

In the early part of this issue, the situation seems grim. The Zombot horde — conveniently containing every one of Sonic’s friends that got infected — corners the last of the Restoration on Angel Island. In quick succession, Amy, Tails, and Knuckles all get infected. Even Eggman looks like he’s in trouble, thanks to Froggy leaping on him. (A well-time bit of comic relief.) One thing this arc has been good at, maybe a little too good at, is conveying a sense of grim desperation. Watching our heroes fight, and fail, is a sight that still packs some shock value. When Zavok smacks Sonic to the ground, his body almost entirely chrome, you do get a real sense that the world is at stake here.

But then Sonic and Silver go Super Saiyan, meaning the fight is pretty much over. Maybe it’s just me but it seems that the presence of Super Sonic used to mean a fight was about to get even more epic. Now, the super forms have gotten so ridiculously powerful, that they can dispatch any threat with ease. That’s exactly what happens here, as Sonic and Silver completely smash Zavok in one page. Once again, this really just seems to be a side-effect of Flynn’s shitty pacing. He has to shove the final fight and the destruction of the Metal Virus all into this issue. Something has to go, so we get a hopelessly anticlimactic face-off with Zavok. Silver even calls it anti-climatic, suggesting Flynn is all too aware of how shitty this is.

It’s a bad habit of Flynn’s that started with the “Genesis” event back in the Archie days. But perhaps he’s at least aware of how boring Super Sonic is. Because the fight with Zavok is not the main conflict of this issue. Instead, the real focus is on sucking every last bit of Metal Virus into space before the Warp Topaz shakes itself apart. Instead of focusing on Super Sonic’s unlimited powers, that provides a very limited time restraint for the story. Which makes for a far more dramatically sound climax, even if Sonic and Silver yanking the Virus away with their omniscient superpowers feels like a bit of a cheat. 

This is an action driven issue, as Flynn has a lot of story to cram into these brief twenty pages. Admirably, he still finds a little room for more emotional issues. As the Metal Virus is sucked away, we get a number of tearful reunions. Whisper glomps Tangle the minute she gets back to normal. There’s a cute joke about Rouge clinging to the Master Emerald — her one true love — in what might’ve been those final minutes. Most touching is Vanilla and Cream’s reunion. Mom bunny and her offspring tearfully hugging one another is adorable and all that. But Gemerl’s reaction, to stand back and let them have this moment, it’s really cute. Awww, you guys, he’s a robot and he’s not good at feelings. 

I would’ve liked it if Flynn had devoted a little more page space to this emotional fallout. And hopefully we’ll get that next time. (Though what I’d really like to see — the populace grappling with what they were forced to do while zombified — seems unlikely to happen.) Yet Flynn has one more dramatic event to deliver: Sonic vanishes after destroying the Metal Virus. Yes, after pulling a quasi-death cheat on nearly the entire planet, Flynn throws in one more. Obviously, Sonic isn’t dead. The comic book is named after him! Mobius “Sonic’s world” loosing its greatest champion after its darkest moment could be set-up for some good stories. Yet we all know that wherever in space Sonic got tossed this time will probably just be a brief pause before the Sega-mandated status quo is re-enforced.

After doing double-duty with Evan Stanley for a while, the book finally hands a whole issue to Adam Bryce Thomas. This was a natural idea, as dynamic and highly dramatic action sequences are exactly what Thomas specializes in. And he certainly delivers some of those. In fact, sometimes the panels are so action-packed, I’m not totally sure what’s happening in them. The series of panels depicting Sonic blasting the Virus into the sun are kind of difficult to follow. But it’s fine, as Thomas still clearly knows what he’s doing and this is another great looking issue. 

As the Metal Virus Saga wraps up, I still have a lot of mixed feelings. It started strong, capturing a sense of panic and bringing a new idea to the comic. It eventually went on too long, repetitive issues draining the novelty from the premise. It was somehow too grim but also not grim enough, as it piled on lots of hopeless scenarios but cheated where it actually counted. As Flynn piled on more characters and plot turns, he lost sight of some things and then had to sloppily wrap everything up too quickly. For what it’s worth, the arc also produced good moments, surprisingly redeeming some lame characters. Where does that average out to? We’ll figure that out eventually but for now Issue 29 gets a [6/10], the only rating I seem to give anymore. 

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Annual 2020

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Annual 2020

Publication Date: July 8th, 2020

IDW seems committed to the “Sonic” franchise and has continued to expand the line pass the main book. 2020 has seen the release of the second “Sonic” related mini-series and the continuation of the annual one-shot. As with the first annual, this contains several short stories set in Sonic’s world. Yet, with 2020’s weirdness even seeping into “Sonic” comics, this annual presents side stories from the Metal Virus outbreak. Which, oddly enough, means Sonic himself only has cameo appearances throughout this book. In fact, Eggman is the only “star” character to headline any of these stories. This is either an interesting creative choice or Sega’s bizarre mandates forcing the comic to get creative.

Our first story, “Big’s Big Adventure,” is Ian Flynn’s sole contribution to the Annual. And, yes, it’s about Big the Cat. It chronicles the rotund feline’s quest to reunite himself with his perpetually missing amphibian friend, Froggy. It turns out that the fat cat has been following his frog buddy through every major adventure of the comic’s first two years. Turns out, Big the Cat was always just off-panel, eavesdropping on every important event that has happened in Sonic’s world since the end of “Forces.” Big is finally reunited with Froggy but this story has an unhappy ending... Because Froggy is infected with the Metal Virus and Big is cluelessly being consumed by it, as he sits and pets his pal. 

“Big’s Big Adventure” seems like a joke story. After all, Big is basically a walking meme at this point, only surviving in the “Sonic” franchise because some people find him amusing for whatever reason. Turning the dopiest of characters into the comic’s Forest Gump, wandering into historical events through his own simpleton logic, is obviously a joke. In execution, this doesn’t act as much more than a summary of the book’s first two years. Big’s simple-minded interpretations of what’s happening is, I guess, meant to be humorous. Jon Gray’s typically cartoony artwork and garish colors makes this intent clear. 

But there’s not much too it... Until the end that is. That panel of Big, totally unaware that he’s becoming a Zombot as he pets his infected frog, is suitably tragic. Big is so child-like, that he can’t even wrap his head around the pandemic. His naivety has unknowingly led him to his own doom. Jeez, that’s pretty grim. Even Gray’s artwork takes a step-up in the surprisingly sinister final few panels. 

The second story has 2020’s Annual’s embracing its horror status. “Darkest Hour,” both written and drawn by Evan Stanley, follows two new characters. Nite the Owl is the late-night DJ at the radio station outside Sunset City. Don the Rooster is the grouchy station janitor and Nite’s only company. What starts as a normal night soon takes a grim turn. Listeners start calling in with reports of Zombots attacking, frightening and confusing Nite and Don. Soon, the humble radio station becomes the only source of public information in the chaos-stricken city. And it’s only a matter of time before the Zombots start to close in...

“Darkest Hour” has a pretty bitchin’ premise. Showing a zombie apocalypse story from the perspective of a humble public broadcaster, who went in expecting a normal night and instead got wrapped up in history, is an idea I’ve seen before. Watch the 2008 Canadian flick “Pontypool” for something similar. Applying this idea to the “Sonic” universe is something new, that’s for sure. Stanley manages to capture something like a sense of panic, as Nite and Don attempt to grapple with the information they are receiving. The new characters are likable enough. However, Don’s arc — going from caring only about himself to helping others — isn’t given much room to grow. This one honestly probably needed more than five pages to really work but Stanley does a decent job with it.

The third story is “Reflections,” written by Caleb Goellmer with art by Aaron Hammerstrom. It’s an almost totally dialogue-free story, depicting Metal Sonic wandering the halls of Eggman’s base. Surrounded by images of his organic counterpart, Metal comes across a vat of Metal Virus slime in an obscure corner. He dips his finger in and seems shocked that he’s not affected. Starline then shows up and tells the robot to scram, yet clearly some sort of thought is stirring in his computerized mind. 

I’ve had largely negative things to say about Goellmer’s previous contributions to IDW’s “Sonic” books. “Reflections” manages to be his first good story, though Hammerstrom’s atmospheric pencils do most of the heavy lifting. We already know Metal Sonic is self-aware but this seems to be the first time the robot is made cognizant of his artificial nature. After seeing the flesh-and-blood Sonic be infected, he attempts to infect himself but find he can’t do it. It’s yet another way he is different, maybe even inferior, to his inspiration. And that seems to really chap his shiny metal ass. 

At least that’s the way I interpret it. Considering the deliberate contrast Hammerstrom’s artwork creates between the hard, cold metal robot and the reflections of living things, I think that’s the message we’re suppose to take away. That Goellner of all people got me to think about Metal Sonic’s interior monologue is surprising and impressive. I hope this is a plot point that’ll go somewhere, not just be left as a moody one-off.

Story four is “Eggman’s Day Off,” from newcomer Sarah Graley and artist Lamar Wells. It follows Starline, being a huge nerd about working for Eggman. When he leaps towards his idol, thinking he's in trouble, he instead finds Eggman is also a huge nerd. Deep within the Faceship, Eggman has a secret man-cave. This is where he comes to unwind, devoting himself to his hobby of making small toy robots of himself, his various creations, and his enemies. That's right, Eggman collects action figures too. Among the various toys, Starline finds a toy of himself... Or, at least, a toy of himself as a machine. Eggman decides the platypus has seen more than enough and ejects him from the room, leaving his assistant with more questions than answers. 

I don't know if “Eggman's Day Off” is meant to set up future plot points, by further suggesting that there's some animosity between Eggman and Starline, or if this is just a look into Eggman's psychology. Is the toy of Mecha-Starline meant to imply that Eggman eventually plans to turn his organic partner into a robot? Or is it merely suggesting that Eggman sees everyone around him as toys to play with, machines he can boss around and command? The latter is certainly the more interesting idea and would build-up the conflict between the two doctors more. For the most part, “Eggman's Day Off” is mostly played for laughs. Yes, the comic is pulling a “Spaceballs” by showing the bad guy playing with dolls. It didn't make me chuckle much, though seeing Robotnik be so enthusiastic about toy collecting is pretty cute.  

The fifth story in this jam-packed annual is “Flock Together.” This is also written by a first-timer, Samantha King, but drawn by long-time “Sonic” artist Jamal Peppers. The story depicts how Vector retrieved Charmy Bee after he was infected with the Metal Virus. While on a Restoration rescue shuttle, Vector and Espio wonder how they can retrieve their friend. That is when the ship is bombarded by a horde of zombot flickies. Among them is Charmy. Vector and Espio climb atop the Shuttle and, after a brief scuffle with the robotic birds, manage to cram their insect friend inside a glass globe. 

These annuals always have one dud and this is 2020's. On a narrative level, “Flock Together” offers very little. Vector and Espio immediately chancing upon Charmy, after just talking about rescuing him, is contrived. The attempts to make adorable Flickies into threatening creatures falls flat. Bizarrely, the moment Vector shoves Charmy into the capsule happens entirely off-panel. Espio clouds Vector in smoke during what one assume is the most dramatic moment in the story. Speaking more generally, King's dialogue is incredibly stiff, with Espio's word balloons coming off as especially technical. While Peppers is an experienced “Sonic” artist, his work here is slightly flat and unexpressive. I think he might've been a bit rusty.

We wrap up with “The Catalyst.” Gigi Gutreix, who inked one of the earlier stories, does writing duties while Abigail Bulmer handles pencils. The story centers on Jewel. The president of Sonic's fan club, introduced in the previous annual, comes running into Spiral Hill. He informs her that the other members of the Fan Club are missing. The two roam the countryside until the Vice President is found, isolated on a pile of hay surrounded by Metal Virus goo. She's rescued but neither of the youths are aware of how dangerous this stuff is, having already come into contact with it. Afterwards, the Faceship looms overhead...

“The Catalyst” is a little better than “Flock Together” but still feels like a story I'm not sure needed to be told. I support bringing back the Sonic Fan Club kids, if only because IDW's unique cast needs to grow. However, we don't really learn much about either kid here. It's nice to spend more time with Jewel, especially her briefly mentioned memories of a childhood with Tangle. Yet the story mostly feels like an exercise in inevitability. It merely depicts how Jewel got infected, a rather downbeat tale that probably didn't need to be elaborated upon much. Bulmer's artwork is fine though she doesn't really distinguish herself among the “Sonic” artist crowd.

2020's Annual sure is an odd one, as the focus on the Metal Virus means almost all these stories have a dour feeling to them. That's not necessarily bad though. It starts off pretty strong and I'm pleasantly surprised this comic book got me to care about non-entities like Big and Metal Sonic. The quality dips a little in the second half, with more unremarkable-to-bad stories. Yet it's an oddball, interesting collection, that's for sure. I'm glad IDW is taking more risk like this. If nothing else has come out of this overlong Metal Virus Saga, at least the comic has been pretty willing to try out other moods. The daring means I have to give this a [7/10.]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 28

 

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 28

Publication Date: June 24, 2020

There was a slight delay between issues 27 and 28 of IDW’s “Sonic” on account of, ya know, the entire world teetering towards total catastrophe. The entire comic industry was put on hold for a while, much like everything. Presumably because artists and writers can work from home and the printing industry has been deemed essential, the comic world got moving again fairly quickly. (Which is good, I guess, since the comic industry is seemingly always in the verge of financial ruin.) Also, this meant issue 28 ended up coming out on my 32nd birthday. Aww, thanks, Sonic.

Anyway, “All or Nothing, Part 3” continues the Restoration’s last ditch effort to retrieve the Chaos Emeralds and undo the Metal Virus. Silver and Whisper quickly unarm Zor. Espio uses his ninja skills to outwit Zazz. The Babylon Rogues manage to grab Master Zik’s emerald, though fucking up their hoverboards in the process. Rouge sneaks aboard the Faceship and grabs the emerald powering it just as it advances on Angel Island. While the heroes are closer than ever to victory, the battle isn’t over. Zavok uses his own Emerald to grow to enormous size. 

Last issue, I was complimenting Ian on finally getting the pace moving again. Because I am a fickle bitch that is impossible to please, I will now accuse this comic book of moving too quickly. The Chaos Emerald-charged Deadly Six have been set up as a serious threat that will take great effort to overcome. The fights last issue where extremely close. The other three members of the team, meanwhile, come off here as complete jokers. Silver and Whisper snatch Zor’s emerald in a few pages. Espio makes a complete fool of Zazz. Zavok never seems to consider that someone would sneak aboard his ship, as Rouge does. The Rogues take Zik’s emerald through a series of quick, spontaneous moves. 

Victory comes too easily. There’s not enough dramatic tension to the fight scenes this time. It makes the Zetis look incompetent and makes you wonder why it took the good guys so long to best them. More than anything else, the sloppiness of this makes it seem like Flynn is just tired of this story arc too and wants to end it as quickly as possible. If that was the case, why the fuck did you let it stretch out for over a year, bro? But this is hardly the first time Ian has dragged his feet through a story just to rush through it at the end.

But it’s not all bad. Flynn does pull off something here that, frankly, makes me angry... But in a good way. Much like he redeemed Vector in IDW, after years of him being an intolerable dork, Issue 28 actually has me liking two other characters I had previously written off. During his fight with Silver, Zor waxes poetically about misery and destruction, as the little emo prick is wont to. After Silver and Whisper depower him and tosses him to the Zombots, he gets... Excited, because the thought of being (symbolically) torn apart by zombies gives him a weird little goblin boner. I misjudged you, Zor. You’re not a nihilistic emo teenager. You’re a hardcore masochist. I can respect that kinkiness and I'm sure Zor and his mistress - Zeena? - have a very compatible lifestyle. 

As for the other one, I always found the Babylon Rogues about as shallow as can be but Flynn is rehabilitating them too. When Wave informs Jet that her and Storm’s hoverboards are busted, he sacrifices his own to get the Chaos Emerald back to Angel Island. He chooses to willingly strand himself and fight alongside his friends, possibly to the quasi-death. Damn it, there’s enough honor among these thieves to make me respect lame cast-offs from a fucking racing game. How dare Flynn takes yet another fast rival for Sonic and give him some depth and complexity?!

Through it all, Flynn continues to acknowledge the stakes here. When Amy sees that Cream didn’t make it back, her mind races ahead to the worst (and correct) conclusion. After defeating Zazz, Espio’s interior monologue clarifies that this victory is for Vector and Charmy. People are dying and the heroes are grappling with that... Except, of course, they’re not. Which has been a problem with the Zombot premise the entire time. It’s not a permanent transformation and we know the good guys are on the verge of undoing it. The only reason Flynn has been allowed to zombify Sega property like Shadow and the Chaotix is because the undo button is about to get slammed. Which definitely drains the character beats of some of their meaning. Your mileage may vary on how willing you are to look pass that and enjoy these moments for their human furry drama.

It’s a mixed issue but it does have a pretty good ending. I’m sure Zavok pulling a “Make my monster grow!" on himself is pulled directly from the video games, since it seems most “Sonic” games end with a boss battle against some kaiju-sized monstrosity. But I didn’t know he had that power, so it caught me off-guard. Moreover, his move of scooping up a handful of Zombots and tossing them at Angel Island is also fairly unexpected. You don’t see someone weaponzing zombies in such a direct manner that often. (Even if this is probably just a way to get all of Sonic’s friends in one place before they are returned to normal.) And also I guess Zavok can touch Zombots with out getting infected, but really who gives a shit about that?

As is usually the case, it’s another good looking issue too. Stanley and Thomas provide the art once again. Thomas does the first twelve pages and he has a lot of fun creating dynamic perspectives during Espio’s fight with Zazz. An acrobatic ninja zipping all around an airborne enemy is exactly the kind of thing that lets Thomas stretch his muscles. Though maybe he pushes it too far during the Babylon Rogue fight with Zik, as I’m not sure what advantage Jet blowing some air on the elderly Zeti has. Stanley draws the more stationary pages and, admittedly, her scenes of Rouge sneaking around the Faceship don’t look very exciting. I do like her rendition of giant sized Zavok though. He looks appropriately demonic.

The book is still struggling to wrap things up in a satisfying way. The pacing is still off and will probably always be off, as pacing is Flynn’s greatest weakness. But at least he has a good bead on the cast. He’s still managing to sneak in little personable moments that brings this book more alive. I guess that’s worth something. Here, enjoy a purdy alternate cover. [6/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 27

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 27
Publication Date: March 25, 2020

Here I am dropping back into the IDW “Sonic” comic after half a year away from it. I actually had to go back and re-read the last few issues, as I had forgotten where I left off. While my interest in this particular series has always kind of wavered, it’s easy to see why I had to step away from this book in 2020. When an actual pandemic is thrusting your country to the edge of armageddon, you don’t really feel like reading about a fictional pandemic. While there are no signs that the actual virus fucking up America is going away any time soon, my desire to be an all-knowing “Sonic” nerd apparently outweighs my apocalyptic anxieties. So here I am back in Metal Virus country.

“All or Nothing, Part Two” follows the segmented narrative structure I figured Ian was going with last time. With the Restoration broken up into various teams, the rest of this arc will be following those various team efforts. This issue is focused on Amy and Tails taking on the glutinous Zeti, Zomom, while Cream and Gemerl face down the manipulative Zeena. Zomom’s mixture of dim wits and brute strength proves difficult for Amy and Tails to strategize against, forcing them to think fast. Zeena’s ability to control machines seems to prove fatal for Cream and Gemerl but the robot’s will proves stronger. Yet the fight is far from over, as the Zombots close in and the Zeti’s cruelty remains inescapable.

I’ve never found the Zetis to be especially compelling villains and Flynn has only proven why over the last few issues. The Deadly Six are evil for no apparent reason, their simplistic personalities leaving little room for character development. So there’s no joy to be had in Zavok’s thirst for power, Zor’s nihilism, or Zeena’s sadism. They are just assholes and I hate them in a boring way. Yet Zeena’s truly senseless cruelty, displayed here in her teasing and tormenting of Cream, at least accomplishes one goal. When she finally gets thrashed, it’s pretty satisfying. One suspects that Flynn genuinely hates this character too, as Gemerl’s dispatching of her — swinging her around by the hair and tossing her to the Zombots — is vicious. 

With the Zetis heartless by design, Flynn does attempt to add some depth to the heroes on this journey. With mixed results. Because the author has become addicted to shocking finales, this issue ends with Cream getting infected. While a literal little girl turning into a zombie should be a hopeless event horizon, Gemerl’s final act of mercy — staying with her until she finally changes — is sweet and touching. It almost makes up for the ham-fisted way Gemerl wills himself out of Zeena’s control. Really, that’s some lazy “the power of love” writing right there. It feels like Ian really did forget Gemerl’s robotic nature put him at risk around the Zetis and he had to sloppily write himself out of a corner. 

While Gemerl and Cream’s conflict with Zeena at least provides something for us to chew on, the other half of the book is less interesting. Zomom is dull as can be. His hunger and stupidity are the only things to him, with nothing for the reader to latch onto. So Flynn tries to ramp up tension by having Amy and Tails breathlessly outrun the guy. Obviously, a character as dumb as Zomom will be outwitted eventually, so there’s no tension to the chase. All you’re really left wondering is why it takes Amy and Tails as long as it does to take the guy down. Tails drops a medieval style gate on him but it could have been anything. Who cares. Let’s move on from this boring plot point. 

Many times, I’ve felt uncertain if Flynn wants to write a character driven series but is forced to insert action scenes or if he really does have a childish obsession with fight scenes. I still don’t know for sure — though leaning more towards the latter — but at least this story arc incorporates action organically. The fight scenes based around Zomom don’t amount to much. The big guy spins around and smashes through shit, truly acting like a video game boss in an early level. Zeena’s scuffle with Gemerl and Cream is a little more inventive. Once Zeena entangles the robot with lasso like energy beams, he has to redirect her own blows back at her. We also see Cream spindashing around, a reminder that she was singlehandedly blowing up robots in “Sonic Advance 2” once. 

Evan Stanley and Adam Bryce Thomas trade art duties back-and-forth on this one. Thomas handles Tails and Amy’s story, while Stanley draws Gemerl and Cream’s pages. Weirdly, Stanley ends up outshining Thomas. While Thomas’ action remains dynamic and beautifully shaded, there’s just no way to draw Zomom that doesn’t make him look hideously awkward. Stanley’s gift for character work really helps those pages, since there’s more emotion in the story of Cream and Gemerl's bond being tested. She’s good at action too, of course, and there’s a nice swerving quality to the fight scenes. 

And, of course, there’s a big flashy cliffhanger, promising more rumbling next issue. Being a story essentially split in two, I guess it’s not surprising this is an uneven issue. Flynn does a decent job of balancing the two and he seems to have really straightened the ship when it comes to pacing. This issue moves and I hope the rest of “All or Nothing” does as well. It’s probably just because this ongoing saga is picking up momentum as it finally comes to an end, after months of this shit. Anyway, as a stand alone issue, I’ve got to give this one a [6/10.] 

RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE

Oh hey, guys. Zack from Hedgehogs Can’t Swim here. So.... it’s been a while. Some of you have left comments asking whether I was still alive, a totally valid concern considering the year we’ve all had. After I let Halloween come and go without any sort of update, you probably assumed I really was gone for good. No, I’m not dead. I’ve even been blogging consistently through the pandemic, over at Film Thoughts. My life has not been untouched by the apocalypse we’re living through these days. I’ve had friends and family come into contact with COVID. There have been some close calls but, thankfully, nobody I love has died. 

Physically, I’ve been okay. My mental health, on the other hand, has been pretty tattered and frayed this year. Ya know, nothing like a global pandemic and a government teetering towards full-blown fascism to make your anxiety flare up. I’ve been an essential worker through these end-times and it got to the point recently where I had to make the choice between my sanity and my paycheck. I chose my sanity, a decision I may or may not come to regret eventually.

Anyway, this might explain why I haven’t updated my cartoon hedgehog blog in seven months. I really didn’t mean to disappear for so long. It was not a planned hiatus. I just lost the ability to focus for a while, my ADHD and OCD fucking up my life in new and exciting ways. I considered following in the footsteps of fellow Sonic person Cybershell and totally disappearing for years on end but, ultimately, the fact that I was leaving a project incomplete was nagging at me. How am I supposed to be a fully developed and functional human being if I haven’t reviewed every episode of every “Sonic the Hedgehog” cartoon? 

So, I guess I’m back. I can make no guarantees that this project won’t immediately go back off the rails. As I write this, the future of the world is still totally uncertain and terrifying. I’ll admit, I’m feeling a little saner these days but that could change tomorrow. I know my writing isn’t as exciting or incisive now that I’m discussing the old “Sonic” cartoons and not the old “Sonic” comic books. But, for the time being, I’m re-committing to rambling nonsensically on the Internet about blue hedgehogs that run fast and fight robots for a little while longer. 

Here’s the plan: I’m going to devote most of December and part of January to catching up with IDW’s “Sonic” comic, a series it seems like I’m always perpetually catching up with. This is primarily so I can do another Best/Worst at the start of next year. Afterwards, I shall resume my reviews of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.” I may throw in some other stupid bullshit from time-to-time as well, just to keep y’all on your toes. 

Again, I’ll make no promises that I’ll stick with this. But, for now, I’m going to give this one more shot. Yes, I’m back on the three days a week updating schedule. I hope you’re a fan of run-on sentences, faulty formatting and reading way too much into children’s media, cause Hedgehogs Can’t Swim is back. Maybe. Probably not. But possibly. 

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.02: Subterranean Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.02: Subterranean Sonic
Original Air Date: September 16th, 1993

As I've referenced before, the “Sonic” cartoon shows did not have the most direct relationship with the “Sonic” video games. Aside from the titular hedgehog, Robotnik, and Tails, “SatAM” really didn't share anything with the source material. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” had a little more of a direct connection. Just over the course of these first nine episodes I've covered, there have been a handful of references to the game's various environments. “Subterranean Sonic,” the second episode produced, takes place largely in the first game's Marble Zone. While it doesn't resemble the game zone very much, the episode does feature rivers of lava, underground tunnels, and various swinging booby traps of doom Sonic must navigate. Which feels more video game-esque than most of the rest of the episodes I've watched so far.

Anyway, what is “Subterranean Sonic” about? The episode begins with Robotnik insisting Scratch and Grounder track down Sonic and Tails. The duo is discovered in the Marble Zone. Soon, the robots chase them into an underground tunnel in the lava and geyser filled enviroment. While there, Sonic and Tails uncover a grouchy mole miner named Spelunk. Spelunk has been hoarding jewels and golds and doesn't take kindly to any interlopers. After an extended chase, he captures the heroes and throws them into a diamond-barred cage. As soon as Scratch and Grounder get a peek at his horde of gold, they lead their boss to it as well.

Very unusually, “Subterranean Sonic” actually made me laugh quite a few times. Most of the joke in these episodes so far have been just kind of obnoxious and annoying. However, there's a streak of “Looney Tunes”-like absurdity running through this one that amused me. After Spalunk fires a cannonball, it actually follows Sonic and tails around several corners. Before being smashed by this cannonball, Scratch holds up a “HELP” sign to the audience, an obviously Bugs Bunny-inspired gag. Further gags that made me chuckle where Sonic displaying his super-knitting powers and dressing up as an IRS auditor after Robotnik starts to make off with the gold, one of the few disguise jokes that actually makes some coherent sense.

In fact, there's a surprising amount of dialogue in this episode that made me laugh. Robotnik is introduced monologue-ing in a dark room, before yelling at Scratch and Grounder for interrupting his brooding. After getting his head knocked off, Grounder calmly tells Scratch he is rude. Later, after threatening to cook his robot minions into broth, Grounder flat-out asks if you can make broth out of robots. Sonic also gets a few good zingers. Such as when he tells Spalunk that his indecisiveness would make him an idea politician. Later, while dressed in the guise of the auditor, Sonic tells the robots that they “might be forced to work for a living” unless they pay up. All solid chucklers, says I!

It's a good thing “Subterranean Sonic” is a funny episode because, otherwise, I'm not really sold on it. Spalunk is not an especially interesting character. He's introduced as an irredeemable asshole. Upon setting sigt on Sonic and Tails, he immediately starts threatening them. He spends most of the rest of the episode pursuing them, in a seriously unhinged manner. It's only after Sonic saves his life that the mole's grouchy exterior starts to crack up. This one act moves Spalunk so much, that he completely turns around. It's not a compelling character arc, to have a guy act one way for most of the episode only for it to completely change within the span of seconds near the end.

Instead of giving him a standard redemptive arc, “Subterranean Sonic” probably should've ran with Spalunk being a terminal asshole. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” probably needed more villains outside of Robotnik and his henchmen. At one point, Sonic is figthing Robotnik and Spalunk, the two enemy's accidentally coming into conflict with each other. Wouldn't that have been interesting, to see Sonic and one of his enemies reluctantly unite against a common foe? Instead, that only occupies a few minutes until Spalunk does his heel-face turn.

“Subterranean Sonic” is another episode with a built-in moral. Spalunk overcomes his greed and myopic world view, coming out a better man mole on the other side. You would expect the “Sonic Sez” segment to run with that message and tells kids not to be so damn greedy. And it sort of does that. The segment instead encourages kids to share. Via a sequence where Tails has some chili, Spalunk has some hot dogs, and Sonic tells them to put their foodstuff together. This is about the level of moral message “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” should be handling. “Sharing is caring” is a lot more in this show's wheelhouse than “Don't let Father Laffety touch in your swimsuit area.”

It's not an especially great twenty minutes of television. A gag involving a random-ass family of turtles – why did this show hate turtles so much? – really goes nowhere. There's a glaring continuity era, when Sonic switches back and forth between his miner outfit and crossing guard outfit, presumably because DiC was reusing animation. Still, this definitely strikes me as one of the more affable episodes of “Adventures,” at least so far. [7/10]