Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 77

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 77

Original Publication Date: March 19th, 2025

 

Issue 76 of IDW's "Sonic the Hedgehog" comic was devoted to sorting the large cast of characters off into new formations and sending them off on some stand-alone adventures. After the exhaustingly drawn-out "Clean Sweepstakes" arc took up most of 2024, I was really looking forward to some episodic adventures around Sonic's world. Part of me wondered if Ian Flynn wasn't recycling some of the general structural ideas he intended to use, all those years ago, in the aftermath of Archie's Shattered World Crisis storyline. The "Scattered Pieces" arc seems to have a similar objective to that unrealized story: A way to touch base on all the characters after some massive world-changing events and to cut loose and have a little fun. That's what I was hoping for from this one anyway, so let's see if I was horribly disappointed. 

Part two of "Scattered Pieces" follows Sonic as he goes off with the Chaotix. Determined to find Clutch and make him pay for his actions during the Clean Sweepstakes, the quartet decides to race over to White Park Chateau, the ski resort the crime-boss-turned-businessman-turned-crime-boss used to call home during his semi-legitimate days. The good guys find the building in surprisingly good condition, despite it being seemingly abandoned. Not so. Rough and Tumble now declare themselves the operator of the resort, using its robotic employees as their physical enforcers. After the required amount fighting and bantering, Sonic demands to know what the hell is going on. It turns out Clutch has signed over his operations to Rough and Tumble, considering himself a thoroughly defeated old man at this point. Sonic and the Chaotix listen to his sob story and try to decide if the notoriously untrustworthy possum can be believed this time. 

Issue 77 of "Sonic" has a good cover. Adam Bryce Thompson drew a very cool image of Sonic and the Chaotix being detectives. Sonic is swinging a flashlight around a dark and dusty room, as he investigates alongside Vector and Espio. Lurking behind them is an ominous, rather skull-like Caterkiller with two shadowy figures atop it. Only Charmy seems to notice the intruder and he's properly shaking in his cute little sneakers. Judging from the silhouettes of the figures perched on the machine, it's not too hard to guess who they'll turn out to be. Either way, it's an evocative cover that promises some lightly spooky, Scooby-Doo-ian atmosphere in this issue. The issue somewhat fulfils that promise. The cool undead Caterkiller is nowhere to be seen but, in its first few pages, "Scattered Pieces: Part Two" does feature Charmy getting spooked by shadowy images in the window of the resort and Sonic rushing around, wondering what is going on with the strangely empty place now. If this had been an issue if Sonic and friends snooping as usual around a "Cold Prey"-style creepy ski lodge, I would have dug that. 

Unfortunately, the issue tosses away that idea very quickly. Not long after stepping inside, the typically ridiculous Rough and Tumble make themselves known in typically ridiculous fashion. After that, things start to get goofy very quickly. The action scene that follows is mostly played for laughs. Charmy is distracted by a board game. Espio and Sonic discuss the merits of mid-melee banter. Vector chews up a wooden queue pole and spits it back out like bullets. All the while, Rough and Tumble insists that the attacking heroes don't ruin their fancy new clothes. Do you find any of that amusing? Playing out in animation, maybe such a sequence might have come off as nicely manic and silly. In the page, it feels a bit stiff. Only a panel where Sonic is nearly decapitated by a tossed roulette wheel managed to make this old grump crack a brief smirk. 

Most of my disappointment with this issue is, I'll admit, totally based on it not following the altogether ooky vibes of the cover and the first few pages. Ya know, I get promised some old dark house antics and the issue takes a hard turn into wacky slapstick instead, it's really going to sour my grapes. If I try to put that very Zack-specific grievance aside, I think I'd still be disappointed with this issue. Over the five years IDW has been publishing "Sonic" books, Rough and Tumble have been around since almost the beginning. In that time, I've never had many strong feelings one way or another about the buffoonish skunk enforcers. They show up whenever the book needs some dumb muscle, filling a similar role to Bark and Bean in the Archie books. They are fundamentally static characters, always destined to remain idiots that are more butts of the joke than actual threats. 

It seems like they've been showing up a lot lately though, doesn't it? The end of the "Clean Sweepstakes" story arc suggested the skunks might try and go straight. That they might actually grow and change a little as characters. Issue 77 backtracks on that immediately. Rough and Tumble return to being rhyming, dim-witted and easily defeated baddies. They exist more for comic relief than to actually move the story forward here. Frankly, I'm kind of bored of them now. Mostly because these two have exactly one joke, which is that they are dumb-dumbs who are always extremely dumb. Maybe it's time for Sonic and friends to have some new brainless mercenaries to smack around. Or, at least, it's time for Rough and Tumble to perhaps get a second joke...

Clearly Ian Flynn does not agree with that assessment, in the sense the book needs some fresh antagonists. After Clutch was the main antagonist for most of the comic last year, he's back in this issue. Not that the possum crime boss does much antagonizing in this issue. What he does instead can be more accurately described as whining. He sits down, feels sorry for himself, swills some non-alcoholic purple drank, and assures Sonic and the Chaotix that he is no threat to them now. That what little remains of his empire is entirely automated at this point and that he has been beaten back down to zero. The suggestion that Clutch is now working for Rough and Tumble is meant to show how utterly pathetic he's current situation is. Weirdly, Sonic and the Chaotix take the bad guy at his word, accepting a deed of employment to the skunks as the sole piece of evidence that what he says is true. They accept that Eggman let the guy slip away and that the ever-scheming Clutch has no villainous plans in mind at all anymore.

It is, simply put, not very exciting to read. The previous issue was characterized by a long sequence in which the Diamond Cutters got in a circle and talked out all their interpersonal strife. It felt weirdly like sitting in on a group therapy session, everybody hugging out their problems without the story being allowed to move forward much. This issue feels a little bit like Flynn is doing the same thing with Clutch. Except, it should be obvious, that the villain is lying. Or, at least, telling a very selective version of the truth. I've noted before that the way the Restoration is always willing to forgive and forget the bad guys they go up against felt weird and unnatural. I know the villains must run away and live to fight another day because this is a comic book and you've got to keep the bad guys around for future use. However, I wish Flynn could find a way to make it feel more organic than this. Clutch says he's not up to anything and tells the Chaotix to walk into this warehouse if his if they don't believe him. It would seem they intend to do exactly that. I don't know, man. I feel like there had to be a more interesting way to get us to that point. 

It's going somewhere because obviously it is going somewhere. The comic wouldn't have Clutch appear again only for him to say he's a big loser now who poses no threat to anyone. The final pages reveal that Eggman has got a new mind-controlling gizmo and Clutch is his first test subject. How this device works and how totally it controls people remains to be seen. How this development will be different from a Roboticizer or a Metal Virus, I guess we have to wait and see. I've said before that, throughout IDW's run, there have been a few times when the comic felt a little directionless. As if Flynn was out of ideas. I feel like we are back in another one of lulls right now. Rather than take a breather with a relaxed set of stand-alone stories, we are merely waiting around for stuff to start happening again. 

You know, I really want to see what Silver and Blaze are up to. How Belle is exploring the world. Hell, Lanolin and Jewel trying some urban planning would be an improvement over this nothing of an issue. Any of those scenarios would flesh out the world, show us how this universe works a little more clearly, rather than merely point out that the people we know are out there already are still out there and they up to stuff. Adam Bryce Thompson's pencils are excellent, like always. Leonardo Ito De Oliveira's colors also do a good job of establishing the mood of the ski lodge early on. There's simply not very much else going on here though, in afraid to report. Maybe next month will be better. [5/10]

DC X Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 1

DC X Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 1

Original Publication Date: March 19th, 2025

Childhood play sessions have no respect for the boundaries of international copyright laws. There's nothing stopping little Billy from slamming Optimus Prime against Cy-Kill. When toy boxes are emptied out onto bedroom floors, Cobra Commander and Skeletor can get drinks together at the Mos Eisley Cantina. Leonardo can hang out in Barbie's dream house while Prime, Goku, and Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake compare bulging pectorals on the second floor. Most kids don't understand the complicated contractual agreements and red tape that keep such wild meetings from happening in real life. Those that do still have little interest in abiding by them. I was this way as a kid too, The Power Rangers and the Street Sharks teaming up to keep Godzilla from eating my Lego city is the kind of shit I got up to in the early nineties. When children see a bunch of wacky, unrelated, colorful characters, it's only second nature that we want to see them interact. Especially if the combination is so bizarre as to be extremely unlikely to occur in real life.  

That's what kids used to do anyway. I don't know if they do that today. They're probably too busy learning how to make a blood sacrifice to Mr. Beast from the TikToks or whatever now. While the habits of actual children are beyond me now, the millennials are the generation that has refused to put away childish things. Adult collectors are aggressively marketed to by toy corporations today, sometimes to the exclusion of actual children it seems. Moreover, late stage capitalism has made all of our wildest childhood crossover ideas more possible than ever. Every publisher and company getting scooped up to become a part of one massive corporation means lots of different intellectual properties are houses under the same umbrella. Similarly, it seems to have become common knowledge that crossovers benefit everyone, drawing more eyes to different series and making more money for everyone. Or, at least, the people who sign the checks. Certainly not, say, the original writers or whatever. 

In other words, massive brands are now more than happy to make the playtime daydreams of middle-age man-children actually come true. Video games really pioneered this approach, with "Super Smash Bros" and "Marvel Vs. Capcom" making many a gamer realize that the roadblocks to unexpected crossovers might not be as Byzantine as they thought. Now, guest characters and crossover promotions are standard practice for most triple-AAA titles. The Terminator is in both "Call of Duty" and "Fortnite" now, after previously showing up in "Mortal Kombat." He can dab next to John Wick and Chun-Li, if you want. There are "Final Fantasy" characters on "Magic: The Gathering" cards. Pokemon are everywhere. Obviously, it goes without saying, that superheroes have been at the forefront of this growing IP-ifacation of all media. I think the case can be made that Disney buying Marvel is probably what flew open the floodgates for all of our culture becoming like this now. 

Comic books, of course, pioneered weirdo collaborations like this. There used to be a goofy charm to them. If Alien Versus-ed Predator or Charles Xavier and Jean-Luc Picard got to compare domes, it happened because somebody thought it was a fun idea. Only a maniac would pitch "Ape Nation" or "Jason Vs. Leatherface." Now, a lot of these crossovers seem algorithmically generated. Every day, I hear about how Godzilla is going to stomp the Fantastic Four or the Justice League or the Power Rangers. We are so used to these things that Red Sonja fighting the "Mars Attack!" aliens or the Ninja Turtles meeting Naruto no longer generates any awe. It's commonplace. This is all the more frustrating for me because, as a kid, I loved this shit. I can recall getting excited to watch Scooby-Doo meet the Addams Family simply because different universes bumping into each other really amused. 

"Sonic the Hedgehog" is a nostalgia property now, meaning it too has been subjected to this brave new world of weirdo crossbreeds. My beloved blue hedgehog has become a Lego, a Transformer, a Smash Bro, a Roblox, and a, uh, Fall Guy, I guess. On the comic book side of things, however, we haven't seen unexpected cross-brand synergy since the Archie days... That changes now. Where once before "Sonic" comic readers had to be satisfied with appearances alongside Sabrina the Teenage Witch or the Maxx, the hedgehog is now a recognizable enough of a comic mainstay to grace the pages with the big boys. As in Superman and Batman, the names literally synonymous with the medium and two of the most popular fictional characters in the world. Now that was a crossover suitably unhinged enough to awaken me from my complacency. I don't know if this means Sonic, as a character, is comparable in popularity to Superman now or if DC Comics is simply desperate enough to move some product that they'll agree to any sort of stupid bullshit. Either way, the kiddie video game comics I love being acknowledged by the capeshit market leaders is one I never expected. The crossover is simply entitled "DC X Sonic," putting Sega's crew on equal footing with the entire DC Universe. I don't think this means the Chaotix will be cracking cases with Detective Chimp or that Brother Power the Geek will join the Restoration but they all exist in the sprawling multiverse now. What a time to be alive. 

Now, how exactly does one go about getting Sonic and friends in the DC Universe and vice versa? Ian Flynn doesn't waste any time in Part One of "Chaos Crisis." Sonic, Amy, and Tails are chilling at Never Lake when a vessel that looks a little like Jack Palance's face busts through an interdimensonal wedgie hole. A horde of winged assholes named Parademons fly from the ship and go on the attack. Yes, Darkseid – the New God of Tyranny and high villainous poo-ba of the DCU – has set his sights on the Chaos Emeralds. After destroying the Master Emerald and Angel Island, they move on to Sunset City. Sonic and friends are not alone in fighting back these strange new invaders. The Justice League – Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Cyborg, and Green Lantern Corp member Jon Stewart – appear to assist the furry little heroes. During an ebb in the invasion, the different heroes pair off to cover more ground. Sonic and the Flash race over to the hedgehog's most familiar stomping grounds to see that Darkseid has already gotten his mitts on one Chaos Emeralds. 

As I said above, back in my youth, I enjoyed a good crossover every now and then. Mostly in the form of fanfiction, which used to be the only way for stories like this to exist. While you couldn't say that all of them began with a tear of the fabric of reality opening in the sky and some jerks from a different universe dropping, some of them definitely did. We want to see these two otherwise unrelated groups interacting as quickly as possible, so why waste time with a whole lot of set-up? Similarly, Flynn went with the most obvious route when finding a story for this crossover. Darkseid, always in search of new worlds to conquer in his quest for the Anti-Life Equation, has now staked out Sonic's World. The Chaos Emeralds, the go-to plot device, are what he seeks. The Justice League follows through the exact same portal as the bad guys, since Cyborg's origin story is tied up with the New Gods mythology these days. As far as cosmic crossovers go, this is the path of least resistance. 

The funny thing is... It's very easy to imagine a Sonic/Justice League crossover set in the hedgehog's world beginning with the heroes, sitting around having a picnic. It's a lot harder to imagine the same story beginning this way on the DC side of things. That is a big reason why this particular crossover is unexpected. Sonic has tangoed with world-shattering threats over the years, sure. While Superman and Batman have been sold to babies for far longer. Yet Sonic's archenemy is a somewhat whimsical egg-shaped mad scientist. Batman's archenemy is a psychopathic clown that a beat a child to death with a crowbar once. The Flash, famously, went to trial for murdering his nemesis. One could make the comparison between Robotnik using the Roboticizer to strip away people's free will and Darkseid looking to subjugate all life in the universe to him via Anti-Life but it seems to be of a magnitude greater. Ya know, Elongated Man's wife got raped on the JLA Watchtower by Doctor Light once. When Cyborg was on the Teen Titans, the guy they fought the most was an actual pedophile. It's a little weird to think that Sonic the Hedgehog is that close to having an adventure in the same world as that shit. 

Okay, yes, it's not that any of these events happened to these versions of the Justice League, about whom we know very little. Like I said, iterations of the DC Comics universe that have all their harsh edges completely sanded away have been running alongside the comics for decades. Right now, there's a cartoon for toddlers where the various vehicles in Batman's garage have personalities and learn lessons about friendship together. Generally though, it is fair to say that Sonic and the Justice League are grappling with different levels of threats. Yes, Eggman is a tyrant who has surely caused plenty of death and destruction over the years. He's probably technically as bad as Lex Luthor or the Joker. However, "Sonic" media has usually – usually, mind you – refused to show people actually dying. Maybe Darkseid, intergalactic space Hitler with his dominatrix shock troops, are a little above Sonic the Hedgehog's pay grade. That brings up another good point: War, specific real world wars, exist in the DCU. Poverty, class inequality, corrupt politics, sex slavery, sex in general, pornography, racism, genocide, and sketchy businessmen all canonically exist in the DC Universe. It is difficult to imagine Sonic the Hedgehog tussling with crisis on infinite Earths that contain that kind of misery and suffering. 

I suppose I am, in typical fashion, overthinking it. Ian Flynn was no doubt aware of how grim and gritty mainstream superhero comics can get. Especially in comparison to the light and colorful world of Sonic and his pals. Rather than try and bring either universe up and down to these mutual levels, he instead smartly focuses on what these universes have in common. Sonic and the Flash are both super-fast smart-asses. Of course, in the middle of their adventures, they stop to debate who is faster. Knuckles and Superman are both lone survivors of their kind – except for when they aren't, of course – with a special relationship to green, glowing rocks. Tails and Cyborg are both young techno-geniuses. We get scenes of the different teams bonding over their similarities and they are reasonably amusing. Such as Amy fan-girling over Wonder Woman being able to fly or Silver and Green Lantern comparing power sets. In one sequence, Flynn zeroing in on how these two sets of heroes are cut from the same archetypes becomes surprisingly moving. Shadow isn't a team player and skips away to brood early on. Ever perceptive Batman immediately recognizes in the so-called Ultimate Lifeform a kindred spirit. Namely, someone else who has watched the person they love most in life die right in front of them, be helpless to save them, and promised to make sure nobody else ever feels that pain. It's a brief moment and exists largely so that Shadow can believably be written interacting as a team player. Yet it's a moment that zooms in on some essential truths about these characters, why they are iconic, and why they endure. 

Most of the rest of "Chaos Crisis, Part One" is too preoccupied with setting up its premise to leave moments like that. Like I said, crossovers like these are often about mashing your different action figures together. The fun factor is inherent in seeing these two unrelated cast interact. Shadow riding his chopper alongside the Batcycle is cool. Sonic and the Flash racing is fun. Superman being his wholesome heroic self around Knuckles is cute. There are expected moments designed to make the reader bubble up with nerdy glee. Such as Cyborg saying "Boo-yah!" Or the Flash mistaking Sonic for Krakkl, the pre-existing homage to Sonic within the DCU. (No word on if this Flash is Barry or Wally yet, though.) On that level, I do think issue one of "DC X Sonic" is successful. The novelty of seeing these two entities bounce off each other is certainly enough to make this an entertaining, easy read. I'm glad I read this comic book and that it exists in the first place. 

Mostly, I think this crossover was created to make power scalers scream in abject horror. The varying fastness of Sonic and the Flash depends greatly on what the writer wants them to be able to do at any given point. I think applying hard rules or limits to cartoon superheroes is very silly. On the other hand, the Flash is obviously waaay faster than Sonic is traditionally depicted as being. Superman is, without a doubt, much stronger than Knuckles. And yet, in this comic, we see the Blue Blur and the Scarlet Speedster keeping afoot of each other. We see Knuckles floor Kalibak, Darkseid's eldest son and one of Superman's more physically imposing antagonists, with a single punch. It's not uncommon for power levels to get greatly increased or softened in order to make crossovers such as these possible. Considering how much of the internet is now consumed by people arguing over which cartoon character is faster or stronger, these moments feel like Flynn intentionally fucking with us. 

If this crossover was going to work at all, the folks at IDW and DC needed to do something very important: Find a "Sonic" artist who can draw decent looking superheroes or find a superhero artist who doesn't totally suck at drawing "Sonic" characters. There's no doubt that artists more akin to one style over the other other have struggled when ask to make the leap. Luckily, Adam Bryce Thompson was available and he's pretty damn good at both. Obviously, he's very good at drawing Sonic and friends. Since this first issue is mostly action scenes, we get a lot of flashy, dynamic panels of them zipping around and displaying their powers. The Justice League look good too, if not as good. I like that Thompson gives them nice heroic builds that aren't unbelievable, preposterously swole or stacked. You can tell that this isn't the kind of thing that ABT usually draws. Batman or the Flash maybe look a little weird in one or two panels. Mostly, it looks pretty damn good. No complaints. 

Also, Flynn has what seems to be Darkseid's version of the Death Egg called the Ragna Rock, which definitely feels like the kind of wordplay Jack Kirby would have come up with. Like I said, I was cynical about "DC X Sonic" when it was first announced. Few crossovers such as this live up to the hype for me. DC Comics is another hyper-nerdy interest of mine that I have way too much investment in, if perhaps not to the degree I do with "Sonic." It would have been easy to fuck it up. Flynn approaches both universes with respect and seems to have a good grip on them. He also doesn't avoid the very safe middle ground you'd expect for such a crossover. This is nearly a very bland comic book that subsist mostly on the novelty of its premise. I guess we'll see how this plays out over the next few issues, if it can ever rise above that level. Mostly, I liked it... Except for there being no Aquaman. Come on, Ian, how are you going to do a DC/Sonic crossover and not include the Arthur Curry, the King of Atlantis? If there's not a scene of Sonic sinking into some water and nearly drowning just to be plucked out of the deep by Aquaman, I will instantly declare this entire enterprise a failure. [7/10]

TailsTube #2 (feat. ???)

TailsTube #2 (feat. ???)

Original Release Date: June 9th, 2022 

Straddling the line between a corporate podcast, a cartoon, and an elaborate commercial, "TailsTube" is a series/program/entity with no set release date. Much like this blog, updates arrive whenever. Sega and Sonic team's marketing arm define "whenever" usually as when there's some new bit of "Sonic" media to promote. The second episode of "TailsTube" came out the same month as "Sonic Origins," the largely poorly received and immediately forgotten port of some classic "Sonic" titles to the Switch, which I imagine was the impetus behind posting this four minute animation when they did. The compilation is never mentioned in the episode but it did draw eyeballs to the "Sonic" YouTube channel as the advertising campaign for "Origins" was revving up. 

In so much as "TailsTube" can be said to have a plot, episode two is definitely a little more narratively driven than the first one. Tails' guest this time is Orbot, who proceeds to answers some questions about Dr. Eggman and his various evil schemes over the years. The lackey's unenthusiastic answers seem to bother Eggman so much that he then hacks Tails' live-stream, taking it over for a few minutes before the fox wrestles back control. Oooh, conflict! This might have been a fun surprise if, in true YouTuber fashion, the thumbnail for this episode didn't slap Eggman's face right into the center. 

The first installment of "TailsTube" actually did clear up some long standing questions about Sonic's world, suggesting this was going to be a series about clarify the franchise's lore and beefing up some worldbuilding. I suppose the second episode technically does that but the queries answered here are more on the beginner's level. Eggman's real name is confirmed to be Dr. Ivo Robotnik, with "Eggman" being a bullying insult Sonic started calling him years back, the doctor quickly coming around to embrace the insult. This is Sonic Lore 101 for anybody who has been following the series since at least the Dreamcast years. "Sonic Adventure 2" long ago established Robotnik as the family name and "Eggman" simply as a nom de plume. Obviously, fans who are younger or not as pedantic as me probably didn't know this, so I suppose that is a nugget of info worth clarifying for what I presume is "TailsTube's" target audience of TikToking Gen Alphas. 

This explanation has never satisfied me very much, truth be told. If "Eggman" was Sonic body-shaming his adversary, how come he's had an egg motif to many of his gizmos from the very beginning? Orbot's explanation says the doctor has "owned" the term, much the same way marginalized communities have attempted to reclaim slurs directed at them by bigots over the years... Once you start to think about it in those terms, you see how shaky an explanation this is. Robotnik calls his entire operation the "Eggman Empire." That would be a bit like the NAACP renaming themselves after Rick Perry's ranch. Obviously, SonicTeam probably wouldn't frame it that way. However, our hero looking at the bad guy, thinking "Lol this dude is so fat as to be perfectly ovoid, much in the manner of an egg," and the villain responding "You can't hurt my feelings by mocking my shape, as I'm proud of it. Now watch as I refer to myself by that humiliating insult for the rest of time" feels extremely weird on every level. I guess it is a bit of a throwback to Sonic's Rude Dude with Nineties 'Tude conception... 

To old guys like me, the true story behind this bizarre bit of backstory is common knowledge. Eggman has always been Eggman, as far as Sega of Japan is concerned, his name, body shape, and frequently visual motifs to his machines all tying together. Such a whimsical, Lennon/McCartney-esque moniker doesn't exactly strike fear into the hearts of English speakers. This is presumably why Sega of America emphasized the robotics gimmick, combining that with some still lingering Cold War-era distrust of Slavic sounding names. This Eggman/Robotnik divide led to intense fan debates for years. Many "Sonic" purists insisted "Eggman" was the most correct name for the character, "Robotnik" being a crude American bowdlerization of Sega's untouchable pure artistic vision. Other fans, meanwhile, decided that "Robotnik" is what they had always called this guy and that it sounded a lot cooler than "Egg-Man." (My stance, by the way.) It sounds ridiculous but this was, indeed, something people argued about at one point. When the Dreamcast era officially brought the Eggman name to the West, the nickname explanation was cooked up presumably as a way to ease long-time fans into the new order. 

Truthfully, the Eggman/Robotnik divide has always been evident even in English-language material. "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" established eggs as the bas guy's favorite food and often inflicted egg-related visual puns on him. The official English Story Bible includes a rotten egg in Robotnik's origin story, which the U.K. based media ran with. If "Robotnik" was an inversion of "Kintobor," as that version of events goes, then the Soviet sounding first name of "Ivo" is an inversion of "Ovi." In other words, the egg connection was always acknowledged. Sega must have decided "Robotnik" actually did sound pretty cool after all, once they started using it for Gerald and Maria in "Sonic Adventure 2." This didn't stop "Eggman" from becoming the default name in almost everything but nobody seems to get steamed about the guy being called Robotnik either. The live action movies have brought that name back in a big way and I haven't seen a single person pissing and moaning about it. Now people seem to use the names interchangeably. I'm used to calling the guy "Eggman" at this point, while also still liking "Robotnik" and not really caring either way. But I maintain that the "insult that he adopted" explanation is still sloppy. Why can't the man simply like eggs so much he decides to call himself that? Is that any goofier than a billionaire vigilante calling himself "Batman?" 

Anyway... What was I talking about? Oh yeah, episode 2 of "TailsTube!" While the Eggman/Robotnik renaming might be a bit of background info some fans aren't aware, most of what else Orbot reveals in his interview to Tails is hardly obscure knowledge. He clarifies that the doctor uses animals as living batteries in his robot minions, named Badniks. (Probably another relic of Cold War tension, as in Sputnik. Or maybe it's just a half-formed pun on "Beatnik," I've never known for sure.) Or that his schemes vary but wanting to build a theme park in his image remains a perpetual obsession of Eggman's. Come on, guys, this shit is mentioned right in the games and cartoons. Did we really need to clarify that? When Tails drops that Eggman has an I.Q. of 300, this script feels like it's quoting directly from an old Strategy Guide or something. Once Eggman takes over the Livestream, he simply clarifies who Shadow is, another bit of obvious information. Though it did tickle my funny bone when he called Sonic's brooding rival the "so-called Ultimate Lifeform." Hey, that's my running gag! 

No writers are credited on this episode, so I don't know if it's the work of usual "TailsTube" scribes Ian Flynn and Tyson Hesse. I'm kind of guessing not, as there's little in the way of the amusing banter that enlivened the first installment. There aren't too many deep cut in-jokes either, though the infamous Sonic the Hedgehog popsicle puts in a brief appearance on Tails' desktop. Orbot's voice actor sounds pretty bored by the whole thing, further cementing this one's status as a perfunctory bit of corporate advertising. You could have worked a little harder on this one, guys! There's certainly nothing here as exciting as the reveal of the Pink Haired Spectre that haunts the fan base to this day...

Instead, I'm forced to cling onto implications, as I often do anyway. Tails calling up and interviewing Eggman's personal assistant strikes me as... Maybe "treasonous" isn't the right word but definitely a weird thing to do with the enemy force you're engaged in war with. Eggman's segment talks about the events of "Sonic Forces," so this is after he's subjugated the globe to his dictatorship already. How many people died when Eggman burned down the city in "Forces?" And now one of the leaders of the opposition is chatting with his sidekick? If this was "Sonic Boom," where the good guys and Eggman have a much more casual relationship, I could totally picture such a laid back relationship existing between Tails and Orbot. It feels a little weird to see in a series that is ostensibly canon to the games. Likewise, Eggman hacking Tails' stream so easily suggests a fairly serious security risk, wouldn't you think so? Am I taking this too seriously? Yes, absolutely. Still, ya know, it raises some questions. 

Not that this is the only stupid question this episode raises. Eggman makes a reference to VPNs during his brief interlude. Okay, so virtual private network services exist on Sonic's world? Is geo-blocking and data profiling a big problem the Restoration and Eggman Empire have to deal with? Who is running these internet companies and why are they so shady that people feel the need to protect their data from them? Maybe Clutch owns the internet providers too. It's entirely possible nobody else has thought about this as hard as me but that's what I'm here for. Anyway, stupid questions such as these are what a featherweight program such as "TailsTube" prompt in me. The quality of this episode continues to make me think that I probably didn't need to review this but, well, too late to turn back now. You've got at least eight more bullshit articles such as these from me to look forward to! What minor grievance will I nitpick next? Stick around to find out, I guess. [5/10]

TailsTube #1 (Feat. Sonic!)

TailsTube #1 (Feat. Sonic!)

Original Release Date: March 24th, 2022

The time has finally come for me to reckon with the concept of VTubers. I'll admit, the idea of people becoming extremely famous and successful simply from broadcasting footage of themselves playing video games and talking to fans is an idea that baffles me. "Streamer" or "YouTuber" is, without a doubt, a legitimate career path in this day and age. People will send you money simply because they enjoy watching you play "Fortnite" or whatever for hours on end! Weird! The idea of YouTubers as a common place piece of entertainment is so common that the internet, more recently, had to invent the idea of a Virtual YouTuber. As in a Live Streamer or YouYuber that does all the things an ordinary YouTuber would do but instead behind the computer generated mask of a digital character. It's the promise of immersive online games like Second Life or World of Warcraft taken further, allowing people another avenue through which to explore a life other than their own via the power of the internet. 

That's magical, allowing folks who would ordinarily never have the chance to become beloved or successful. It's also extremely weird. Spending your life watching shadows on a screen puppet other shadows, to the point that they might seem more real than your flesh and blood reality proves that Plato was one hundred percent right two thousand years ago. The internet being the beast it is means that most VTubers take the shape of sexy anime girls, even those openly played by men. It also means that the VTuber community is full of drama and in-fighting, a perhaps inevitable extension of every space human beings create. I find this entire phenomenon extremely weird. How we are expected to commodify every mundane aspect of our personal lives. How we have replaced real celebrities with reality show celebrities, begetting internet celebrities, climaxing in the creation of public personalities and tastemakers who operate behind another, deeper layer of artificiality. How these graven images seem designed to replace real people we admire in our own lives, replace our own faces, until everything is covered by a shiny, digitally perfected sheen of un-reality. These big tiddy waifus are our new gods and they will someday blot out the glow of the sun, humanity retreating further into our caves to worship these idols with their massive eyes, tiny mouths, and pointy chins. This is why the only VTuber I watch is Vulo. 

Isn't it great how this "Sonic the Hedgehog" blog has become a place for me to reflect on how technology and late stage capitalism pushes us ever further towards the void? Anyway, why did I begin this rambling dissertation? VTubers have become such a common aspect of internet life that parodies and commercialized recreations of the format quickly sprang up. Yes, another degree of fakeness has been added to this already excruciatingly fake style of communication, the discussions being scripted before hand, the talking heads being played by actors, and the broadcast usually being created to shill a product. In March of 2022, an on-going series would launch on the official "Sonic the Hedgehog" YouTube channel called "TailsTube." These short animations use the visual signifiers of a VTuber – though I doubt they actually use motion capture rigs to animate them – to present the premise of the series: That you are watching an in-universe broadcast from Tails himself, as he answers questions from viewers and talks to his other famous friends. It's basically a fake talk show starring "Sonic" characters, the staggering evolution of the "interview fanfic" format that plagued websites two decades ago. 

Being an overly analytical dweeb, the mere set-up for "TailsTube" raises several questions in my brain. This suggests that some sort of equivalent to the modern internet exists in Sonic's world. That there are direct parallels to services like YouTube, Twitch and Twitter, where people can post and communicate with each other. Does this mean the residents of Sonic's world have smart phones? What wireless carrier does Shadow the Hedgehog use? The visual set-up for "TailsTube" resembles the little handheld computer Tails carries everywhere while the questions are clearly meant to be other established characters from this universe, seemingly operating from their own social media accounts. If cell phones exist on Sonic's world, who mines the lithium for the batteries that power them? How are payments processed in a universe seemingly without banks or currency? Is HedgehogNet a free service put out into the world by the Restoration? Where does the coal that burns that powers the towers that broadcast these electronic signals into the air come from??? I thought you guys were about protecting the planet, not exploiting it!!! 

Anyway, despite presenting more questions than it is prepared to answer, "TailsTube" seems to essentially be a program design to answer common fan questions about Sonic's universe in some sort of official capacity, not totally dissimilar to Ian Flynn's podcast. Flynn and other ascended fans like Tyson Hesse and Aaron Webber seemingly have some sort of hand in writing the program, which also includes explicit references to the events of IDW's comic book. In other words, "TailsTube" is another symptom of the in-mates taking over the asylum. It is a way for Flynn and his story team to bring a more defined degree of concrete continuity to Sonic's world as it exists in the games. Working towards a grander, united theory of blue hedgehog history. The kind of thing the suits at Sega and Sonic Team probably can't be bothered to care about but the obsessive fans of this franchise are extremely curious about. 

All of this means that "TailsTube" occupies some weird grey zone between an animated series, a podcast, a FAQs column, and – considering the episodes are sporadically uploaded usually when Sega has a new game to promote and never run longer than a few minutes – a commercial. Does a program like this warrant me writing long, detailed reviews for each one? Probably not! However, if I acknowledged "Sonic Mania Adventures" and the other little animations uploaded to YouTube by the official channel, I figure I should at least write about these things in some capacity. Whether or not I review each individual episode of "TailsTube" or handle them in bundles depends on how much information and character interactions each one contains. These truly aren't TV episodes but I figure I can find something to say about them. 

The first episode of "TailsTube" has Mr. Miles Prower interviewing his best blue bro, Sonic. They answer questions about the geography of this planet, the origins of the Chaos Emeralds, and what exactly the nature of Sonic's relationship to Amy Rose is. The questions seem to be from Dodon Pa, Tangle, Rouge, and the head of the Sonic Fan Club, furthering the connection between the games and the comics. The episode lays out a few nuggets of new or otherwise obscure bits of lore: Sonic's world is made up of continents, mostly occupied by humans, while thousands of islands populate the ocean and are mostly habitated by the furry animals. Tails is specifically from West Side Island. This seems to blend the world as presented in "Sonic Unleashed" with how it's presented in much of the rest of the games. We also learn that the marble patterns and loops of the landscape are totally natural, Amy is definitely just a friend, nobody actually knew the origins of the Chaos Emeralds at this time, and Sonic drives a race car sometimes because he thinks it's cool. 

This is all somewhat interesting background information. The most intriguing element revealed here is the idea that human civilization and the communities that Sonic and his friends live in are separate aspects of the same world. Does this suggest that modern cities, not all that different from Earth as we know, exist juuuust off-screen from the rolling hills and simple huts Sonic and the others live in? I don't find this to be an especially satisfying answer, as it implies that there's a massive and largely unexplored population and civilization out there that is, I guess, imperiled every time Eggman tries to conquer the world. It strikes me as a somewhat contrived way to justify the very different versions of Sonic's world as presented in the classic games and the comics versus the world as presented in the "Adventure" games, "Unleashed," and "Sonic '06." Sonic Team is still struggling to justify Sonic being presented as an animal out in the wilderness in most of the games versus the urban creature integrated with humanity as presented in the modern games. I suppose this is a better answer than shrugging your shoulders and saying "I guess there are two worlds???" 

This does present what is maybe "TailsTube's" most significant contribution to overall "Sonic" lore. No, I'm not referring to a long lingering world-building question that finally got resolved. As much as this fandom absolutely loves to argue about depictions of Sonic, his friends, their world, and powers in some futile quest to prove what the "real" Sonic is, that's a lot less important than something else: Who is this purpled haired lady? While discussing human society, Tails flashes an image of some of the people from "Sonic Unleashed" on-screen. Standing in the back is an adult woman with bouncy pink-ish/purple-ish curls, smoky eyeshadow, an orange hair clip, and wearing a military or scientific jump suit of some sort. Nobody knows who this character is. Since "Sonic" fans fucking love new characters, people immediately began to speculate endlessly about who this chick was. Was this a teaser of a new cast member to be introduced in the then-upcoming "Sonic Frontiers" or some other piece of "Sonic" media? Would she be an ally or an enemy? Did this indicate that humans would play a bigger role in the plot of the new game or whatever?

When asked on Twitter about Pink Haired Woman, Ian Flynn simply said "#KnowingSmile," his stock response when he can neither confirm nor deny anything but it'll probably be important later... Well, it's been two years and we haven't seen Pink Haired Woman since. The second only acknowledgement of her existence has been a split second cameo in the "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" trailer, seeming to confirm that she exists only as an in-joke at this point. My theory is that she was a rejected human character designed for "Sonic Unleashed" or maybe a future game at some point that never made it out of development. One can assume that her image was quite deliberately included in this cartoon but the fact that Sega has never done anything with her in all this time certainly seems to suggest this was a big fat ol' nothing of a teaser. Fan artists on the internet being who they are, and this mystery woman being the size of an average human mother, has led to a lot artwork of her being exactly what you'd expect. I doubt Sega has any plans for this design in the future – casting Pink Haired Woman into the same strata of "Sonic" apocrypha as Tiara Boobowski or Madonna – so that amount of R34 this one image generated is its greatest legacy at the moment. Maybe the comic will pay homage to her some day...

As for the rest of "TailsTube #1," what can be said about it? The question about the Chaos Emeralds, Sonic and Amy's relationship, and his use of race cars sometimes basically get non-answers. Sonic refuses to admit Amy Rose is anything but a friend, while acknowledging that she was his "number one fan" but is now a valued member of the team. Tails admits the Chaos Emeralds' true origins are unknown while pointing out some of the crazy shit they can do as plot devices. (Obviously, this was Flynn testing the waters on providing a more definitive background for the Chaos Emeralds that he would in "Sonic Frontiers.") I do think it is cute that, instead of merely answering these questions, these are presented as queries from Derpon Pew and Rouge in their own extremely self-serving ways. 

As for a piece of four minute long entertainment, "TailsTube #1" offers a little bit to a viewer. The simple animation is cute. The design of Tails' desktop features plenty of cute little in-jokes for fans, which are also present in the sound effects and musical cues. That Roger Craig Smith and Colleen O'Shaughnessy lend their voices to this short certainly makes it feel more like a "real" piece of "Sonic" media. These two have lived with these characters for so long now, that they can slip into these personalities so smoothly. It feels a lot like you are hanging out with friends, which is obviously the entire point of the VTuber format. I guess Sonic Team co-opting that to make these corporate mascots feel more "real" is weird. But I'm long used to having creepy quasi-parasocial relationships with these cartoon characters, so it doesn't set off my red flags any. I like the little interaction between them about sunglasses. Otherwise, this is certainly a thing that exists. I doubt I'll have as much to say about the future ones but I'll guess I'll watch them too. [6/10]

Sonic Colors: Rise of the Wisps

Sonic Colors: Rise of the Wisps

Original Release Date: August 19th and August 26th, 2021 

I'm going to be honest with you guys: I have no attachment to "Sonic Colors." The 2010 release is considered a classic among "Sonic" fans of a certain generation, with the Wisps having long since become established and beloved parts of the franchise. In 2010, however, I was too busy doing cool things like having my heart broken by a hipster girl with horn-rimmed glasses and sinking into a horrible depression that lasted years to pay attention to the new "Sonic" video games. By that point, I had completely divorced myself from that side of the series, barely being aware when a new game came out. When I finally did play "Sonic Colors," many years later, I thought... It was fine. Like most of the blue hedgehog games from this era, "Colors" struck me as perfectly functional and mildly fun without filling me with the effervescent glee the Genesis games did when I was a kid. Just Another Modern Sonic, in other words. 

For people who were kids during the Wii era, however, "Sonic Colors" seems to have made a similar impact as "Sonic Adventure" did for the generation before, defining the franchise in many fans' minds. I'm simply never going to have that nostalgic connection to it. To the point that, when the Wisps show up in the comics or merch, my response is not elation so much as a mumbled acknowledgement of "...oh yeah, these things again." (Quickly followed by the horrifying realization that 2010 was already fourteen years ago and I can hear the Reaper's scythe slicing through the air above my head.) I don't find the Wisps quite as out-of-place as the similarly beloved by everyone but me Chao, because at least they serve a game play purpose. Such cutesy, Emoji Movie looking motherfuckers as these still feel out of place in the "Sonic" franchise as I think of it. 

Simply put, "Colors" is another sign to me that "Sonic" is a multi-generational fandom with different definitive titles, spin-offs, and aspects depending on when you got into it. This meant that, eleven years after "Colors" first came out, I was confused when a remastered re-release was both announced and met with considerable excitement. As an old man hopelessly out-of-step with modern gaming trends, I'm still slightly baffled by the recent popularity of "remasters" of games that are only a decade or so old. And wouldn't a remake of a game that was generally considered to have been unfinished or mediocre, like "Sonic '06" or "Shadow the Hedgehog," have made more sense? However, a lot of people got hyped for "Sonic Colors: Ultimate." A glorified re-release it might have been, Sega still treated it like the big "Sonic" title of 2021. As was quickly becoming the tradition, that meant "Colors: Ultimate" got a flashy, Tyson Hesse directed animated short released to YouTube to promote it. Also following tradition, the remaster came out to middling or largely negative reviews, Sega quickly sweeping it under the rug to get fans and investors excited for the next thing. But the promotional cartoon, entitled "Sonic Colors: Rise of the Wisps," is still there, waiting for dudes like me to write too many words about it. 

"Rise of the Wisps" sort of tells a very abbreviated version of "Colors'" story while emphasizing the new additions made to the "Ultimate" remaster. Namely, a Jade Wisp that grants players a ghostly intangibility power and the presence of Metal Sonic. The short discards the whole "Eggman builds a theme park in outer space" set-up and the gimmick of multiple planetoids connected by a chain. However, the gist is the same. Sonic and Tails are recruited by the symbiotic alien Wisp race, via one of them communicating with Tails through a translator. (The Jade Wisp in this case, instead of Yacker.) Eggman has begun to use the aliens as a power source for his latest evil scheme. The various abilities the Wisps can grant Sonic prove useful in freeing them from the villain's control. Metal Sonic, also given some Wisps power-ups, is quickly sent to confront his organic counterpart. 

"Rise of the Wisps" more-or-less captures the tone I would expect from a modern, American-produced "Sonic" animated series. On one hand, it has a lot of action, the entire second half focused on Sonic and Metal battling it out. This is brought to life through some anime inspired action sequences. At the same time, the tone is kept largely light-hearted, with frequent comic relief and lots of joke-filled dialogue. In other words, it's a lot more serious than your average episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" or "Sonic Boom" while also maintaining a generally safe and soft tone that is unlikely to ruffle the feathers of any kids watching at home. The story has big stakes but the approach is such that they are rarely felt. This clearly matches the writing style "Sonic Colors" had, which also includes lots of funny dialogue and a story without too severe a mood, no matter how serious things got. This is basically the tone that "Sonic Prime" and the live action movies have taken, with varying degrees of success. It is, in other words, the default tone for the "Sonic" franchise as it exists today. 

In theory, I have no problem with this. I didn't like "Prime" that much but not so much because it tried to balance universe-spanning melodrama with goofy jokes. I generally like the movies despite them being heavy on the schtick. However, "Rise of the Wisps" sticks out for other reasons. First off, this short makes sure you know what all the different types of Wisps are and what abilities they grant Sonic. The Drill, Spiral, Rocket, Cube, and Ghost power-ups are all given highlighted moments. The various special abilities are used to save the day in the climatic moments. This can't help but remind me of merchandise-driven shows like "He-Man" or "Power Rangers," where new characters or accessories are introduced to resolve whatever problem the heroes may have... Coincidentally, at the same time toys of these props are available for your parents to buy at all your local toy stores! I've enjoyed lots of kidslop made to sell toys over the years but this approach does feel a little mercenary, as if you are watching more of an advertisement for the video game than you are an independent story. Which, obviously, you are but the "Sonic" spin-offs are usually a little bit better at disguising their strictly commercial purpose for existing. 

Honestly, the way the merchandise-driven nature of "Rise of the Wisps" combines with another of the short's elements that truly rubs me the wrong way. Several scenes in this ten minute presentation focus entirely on the Wisps, brightly colored creatures made up of simple shapes that communicate through soft, gurgling noises. That kind of makes me feel like I'm watching a cartoon made for, ya know, babies. There's also two separate moments where Sonic is incensed because Eggman and Metal are acting like bullies. Okay, fair enough as far as motivations for the good guys go.... But the way the moment is delivered feels less like it's talking about a fascist trying to control creatures with free will and more like somebody is pushing you around on the playground. The conclusion also has Sonic delivering a not-exactly-subtle message about the benefits of friendship. Colorful and highly toyetic characters that communicate through pre-verbal babbling and childish themes that deliver easily understood, generalized lessons a young viewer can apply to their child-proofed lives truly makes "Rise of the Wisp" feel like its aimed squarely at the kindergarten crowd. And not one of the good pre-school shows that a parent can appreciate too, like "Yo Gabba Gabba" or pre-Elmo "Sesame Street." We are talking the kind of baby shit that talks down to kids and is mostly interested in distracting them with bright colors and fun toys. 

As a large adult man who willingly uses his limited free time to write extensively about cartoons and comic books meant for children, I have certainly encountered this feeling before when watching "Sonic" media. The most frustrating thing about "Rise of the Wisps'" writing is I don't think it had to be this juvenile most of the time. The earlier scenes feel like they could easily be from a "Boom" episode. The short begins with a dramatic rendition of Eggman loading some Wisps into a big, ominous machine before the mood is broken by the villain making a high-pitch, boyish cackle. Turns out Tails has been narrating Jade's description of events. Sonic takes over the role of Eggman, making many self-deprecating ad-libs before another meta joke about the wisp making its recollection more exciting. See, exactly the kind of good-for-all-ages wackiness you'd expect from the superior "Sonic" cartoon! This stands along other nicely silly gags, such as Cubot speaking only in video game announcer sound bites or a deeply underwhelming attempt from the bumbling hench-bots to combine with Metal Sonic. That so much of "Rise of the Wisps" feels like it was made for four-year-olds while also containing decent jokes like this suggests the cartoon didn't have to be quite so simperingly cutesy for more of its runtime. 

This is still a Tyson Hesse-directed cartoon, meaning the animation is at least good, right? Well, yes. "Rise of the Wisp" is colorful, with dynamic and fast-paced action. The aspect ratio closes in when Sonic challenges Metal to a race, a nice dramatic moment. The team of Wisps that attempt to free their brothers wear bandanas and little communication headsets, as if they are guerilla operatives. That's an amusing detail. However, the character animation isn't as vivid or entertaining as what was seen in "Mania Adventures." There was also the odd decision to add a sheen to the colors here that makes the entire short look a bit washed-out and muted. It's the kind of artistic decision that works well on, say, Nathalie Fourdraine's retail incentive variant covers for the comics but looks a little odd in animation. "Rise of the Wisps" still looks a lot better than the stiff "Team Sonic Racing: Overdrive" but certainly lacks the fluid motion and obvious creative vision of "Sonic Mania Adventures" or "Chao in Space."

If I had to guess, I would assume that Hesse and his team had a lot less time to work on this two-parter, compared to those latter two shorts. That would explain why the animation is merely very good, instead of gorgeous. Perhaps a tighter time frame would explain the weaker script too. (Which is credited to Hesse and an entity calling itself GGDG.) Perhaps the writing was pitched at a younger crowd in an attempt to emulate the game that introduced "Baldy McNosehair" to the list of fandom complaints. Whatever the cause, the tone remains off in "Rise of the Wisps" in such a way that it's hard for me to recommend it too much. Considering it was a short animation made to promote the release of a remaster that not many people seemed to have liked, I guess we should be thankful that this cartoon is as good as it is. Still, a few minor tweaks and changes in direction would have resulted in a far more satisfying whole. [6/10]

Around the World in 80 Seconds

Around the World in 80 Seconds

Original Release Date: March 31st, 2020

This may come as no surprise to most of you but I am, in addition to everything else I collect, a big fan of physical media for movies and television. Part of this is probably simply inertia. I grew up during a time when owning a film on VHS and, a little later, DVD was the only guaranteed way to watch something whenever you wanted to. Similarly, I love the idea of having a library of books, comics, movies, and albums that I can share with people whenever I want. Makes me feel like an archivist of obscure knowledge or some shit. Truthfully, I have always regarded the rise of streaming services with some skepticism. At least as a replacement for a personal collection or a video store. The idea that something can disappear from a service at any time seems like a bad deal to me. As does the Amazon Prime model of being charged a rental price every time you want to see something. I guess my dad being a paranoid anti-goverment nut job type ingrained in me a healthy distrust of corporations. The idea of Netflix CEOs or whatever deciding what I need to watch for me, limiting my choices to whatever they currently have the rights to, makes me uncomfortable. I thought this was America, where I could watch a weird Crispin Glover movie made in Utah in the early nineties whenever I wanted, whether it's on Prime or not! You can have my DVD of Lucio Fulci's "Perversion Story" when you pry it from my cold, dead hands! 

The decline of the physical media industry – pushed almost exclusively by Silicon Valley capitalist douche-bros favoring streaming and not by actual customer demand – means we are loosing parts of our history. Not only movies and shows that have slipped through the streaming cracks. One of the benefits of DVD over VHS was the ability to pack it full of all sorts of extra content. Commentaries from filmmakers and actors, behind-the-scenes documentaries, retrospective interviews, galleries of production artwork or posters, collection of trailers and TV spots: All of these features added context to the film, making it more of a piece of art that exists in a specific time and place, giving insight into how and why it was made the way it was, and not merely a capitalistic product to be consumed and discarded. DVDs and Blu-Rays being forced into extinction means we are losing out on knowledge about why motion pictures matter as an art form. 

Am I rambling? I'm rambling, aren't I? My point is... I really miss when DVDs were a film school lesson in a box and not simply a physical record of the movie. I'll always be glad to have something on disc, over it existing on a nebulous server some where, but bonus content and special features were really, really fun. Artistically designed menus and hidden clips showed that someone enjoyed themselves assembling this package for you. That a human being left their fingerprint on this, that it was a gift from one soul to another. During the peak of the DVD boom, studios would slip exclusive content onto disc as an extra incentive to buy it. This usually took the form of behind-the-scenes media but, occasionally, it meant something like a clip from a related program, a short film made previously by the director, or a whole ass extra movie sometimes. Disney and Pixar pushed the idea of an animated short film, made strictly for the home video release, as a standard bonus for big budget cartoons. That's been one of the harder special feature traditions to kill off, I suppose because even numbers-obsessed Wall Street types recognize such extensions as a way to keep a "brand" alive in consumers' brains. 

The bonus, exclusive short film was such a popular idea for Disney that many other animation studios followed their lead. DreamWorks started to do it too. Now, it's not uncommon to see any notable animated family film including a similar bonus on its physical release. Which brings us to the topic of today's meandering review: When 2020's "Sonic the Hedgehog" movie was released in disc, it came packaged with a short, fully animated film entitled "Around the World in 80 Seconds." (Sometimes listed as "Sonic the Hedgehog – Around the World in 80 Secs," I guess to remove any confusion about what this is.) The two minute long short is presented as an entry from Movie-Verse Sonic's personal diary, discussing his trip around the world and sightseeing at various globally recognizable attractions, all within the span of a commercial break. On account of being done like marker doodles in the margins of a notebook, "Around the World in 80 Seconds" is also the sole traditionally animated entry into the Sonic Cinematic Universe, at least as of this writing. 

On a narrative level, "Around the World in 80 Seconds" does not present us with much to talk about. In the typically quippy manner that we've come to expect from Ben Schwartz' Sonic, he narrates traveling across the globe and stopping at a handful of notable sights. He breezes through L.A., New York, London, Paris, and Sydney. (Without stopping to sing a song, I'm afraid to say.) He zips around the Arches National Park, Chichén Itzá, the Great Pyramids, and gives momentary shout-outs to whole countries like India and Japan. What this short does provide us with, however, is a little more insight into this version of Sonic's mind. Schwartz' Sonic is obsessed with pop culture, having grown up an orphan on Earth and absorbed knowledge of the wider world through movies, TV, and comics. This is why he visits parts of the globe that are highly publicized in the media. He considers Broadway a much bigger attraction than the Louvre or the rain forest of Cameroon because lots more movies have been made about stage plays than museums or jungles. When running around Egypt, he references the Bangles' "Walk Like an Egyptian," another indicator of how pop culture has shaped this Sonic's vision of the world much more than actual history. 

And as a nerd fixated on this kind of shit, I can relate to that. I'll be lying if, when I travelled to Manhattan, "King Kong" wasn't one of the main reasons I went to see the Empire State Building. Honestly, we are lucky that Sonic visits Japan in this short without referencing "Godzilla" or his favorite anime. (Which begs the question... What is this version of Sonic's favorite anime? He has to have one!) Instead, we simply get a silly joke about cherry blossoms and a slip second homage to some of the classic Sega game art. As someone who enjoys Schwartz' take on Sonic, as a lonely kid who fills the hole in his heart with nonsense, I did enjoy these little insights into his psyche. Most of them are merely excuses for simple bits of world play but Schwartz delivers each one with a proper amount of enthusiasm. He's a pro and his performances as Sonic, even in tossed-off pieces of supplementary material such as this, is always worthwhile. 

As I mentioned earlier – at least until Paramount gets a good idea and realizes what fans really want – this two minute short remains the only fully animated piece of media connected to the live action movies. In order to replicate the look of doodles made in a composition notebook, the animation is pretty limited. It's strictly black and white, with a simple, sketchy quality to the artwork. What's funny about this approach is it gives us a Movie-Verse Sonic who looks a lot like Classic Sega Sonic. This provides the short with some real novelty, especially when it results in Sonic interacting with landmarks like Randy's Donuts or Delicate Arch. Obviously, locations like this were chosen because they mirror the sort of level designs from the Genesis era games. This is presumably why Sonic spindashes over the Great Pyramids and races around the Arc d'Triumphant. It's cute to look at, is what I'm saying. 

Being so brief, there's not much else to say about "Around the World in 80 Seconds." Schwartz gets some mildly amusing zingers in. The animation is cute, if simple. Perhaps it will educate some children about other corners of the world, which is nice. At least one Letterboxd review complains that this contradicts the canon of the movie, since it seems to imply that Sonic never left Green Hills. I'm all for nerdy pedantry but you might be expecting too much from a tiny short included as a bonus in the DVD if that's your main takeaway here. Can we not assume that this is a little comic Sonic drew himself in order to amuse himself, imagining what a trip around the world might be like? Let's use our imagination, shall we? Anyway, this is cute. I'm glad it exists. "Around the World in 80 Seconds" is not a great contribution to "Sonic" lore nor an astounding achievement in art. But I like it as a sweet little time waster. That's all you need sometimes. [6/10]