Sonic X: Issue 2

Sonic X: Issue 2
Publication Date: October 2005

In its second issue, “Sonic X” seems to establish its tone more concretely. You see, kids, this is suppose to be the funny Sonic comic. The story is light weight and silly, filled with many goofy moments and gags that intentionally lean on the fourth wall. From what I've seen of the actual “Sonic X” cartoon, it is slightly more serious than this. Then again, I'm even less familiar with the English dub. Maybe it's sillier? Anyway, on with the review.

Following last issue's adventure, Sonic and friends are invited by the fucking President on a special mission. The unique energy signature of a Chaos Emerald has been detected under the sea, within a well known pirate ship wreck. Sonic, Rouge, and some government secret agent chick named Topaz go diving. Tails and Grandpa Chuck stay above water. Turns out the whole journey is a trap. Eggman, utilizing the power rings he grabbed from Sonic last time, has replicated the signal. Once Sonic and friends are inside the ship, Eggman sends a new set of robots – robot dragons piloted by komodo dragons – to attack.

We're only on the second issue of “Sonic X” and a formula is already setting in. This is how it goes: Eggman designs some new ridiculous robots – both have been animal themed thus far – to destroy Sonic. While the hedgehog and his friends are out on some sort of journey, they are attacked by the aforementioned robots. The fight continues until it reaches its most dramatic point. Sonic then grabs a Power Ring, which affords him the extra strength to wreck Eggman's new machine. I have no idea if “Sonic X” will stick with this story outline throughout its entire forty issue run but I can imagine it wearing thin quickly.

Issue 2's sole story is brilliantly entitled “See Sonic! Sea Battle! See Sonic Sea Battle!” This points towards the jokey tone. Writer Joe Edkin frequently employs meta gags in order to cover up a sloppy plot. When the President mentions that Sonic's next mission will take him to a sunken pirate wreck, he references having a similar adventure once before. This is apparently a reference to an episode of the show. Edkin hastily attempts to cover this up but the truth, that he's recycling plots from the cartoon, is apparent. Some other gags are better. Such as the ship being named “The MacGuffin,” an amusing gag that isn't paid too much undue attention.

I'm willing to go along with most of Edkin's silliness. There's even some gags that border genuinely absurd. Such as the surly komodo dragons or Eggman's robot henchmen whispering to themselves, how disinterested they are in their boss' mad plan. Yet there's one gag that steps over the line for me. In the final act, a mysterious figure appears and removes the batteries from the komodo-bots. This frees the power rings, allowing Sonic to save the day. Who is this intervening stranger? It is the ghost of the Pirate Captain, a character so otherwise unimportant he doesn't even have a Mobius Encyclopedia entry. It's a joke but gags shouldn't resolve the plot like that.

Last time, Sonic's supporting cast barely got any page space. Issue 2 does give a little development to the hedgehog's friends. Rouge's thought bubbles frequently inform us that she's only going on this mission because she might get a shiny jewel out of this. The stand-out sequence comic involves a shark attacking the boat. Topaz – a character I'm otherwise unfamiliar with – fights the shark off with a candelabra that is also provided by the ghost pirate. Knuckles puts in an appearance too, doing more then just brooding on his island.

Truthfully, aside from a random appearance by an angry shark, my favorite aspect of “See Sonic Sea Battle” is the simmering sexual tension between the cast members. Topaz – who spends the entire comic in a skin tight diving suit, it must be noted – is the only living thing Rouge actually expresses concern or interest in. The bat declares that no one will hurt the woman, as if she belongs to her or something. When Knuckles jumps in, by punching a robot dragon in the face, Topaz outright proclaims that she would hit on the echidna if he was human. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but I couldn't help but notice these things.

Artist Tim Smith III returns from the first issue. His pencils remain competent if slightly flat. Sonic in his diving gear looks a little awkward. The shark barely resembles an actual shark to start. After getting beaten up, the shark looks even weirder. Smith seems have the most difficulty drawing Tails, as the fox looks perpetually baffled. Still, the art is fine, you guys.

The whole comic is fine, you guys. As I said last time, I hope the comic develops a little more complexity as it goes on. This issue is fitfully amusing and has its moments without making much of an impression on the reader. It needed more random shark attacks, I guess is what I'm saying. [6/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 154

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 154
Publication Date: October 2005

I didn't mention it last time, as I was too busy discussing Karl Bollers' in-coming retirement from “Sonic,” but Archie has drafted a new artist to work on their covers. Sanford Greene would draw a few covers for the book before gracefully disappearing. Greene's brief tenure as cover artist is probably due to his underwhelming – some would say garish or “ass ugly” - artwork. Patrick Spaziante would quickly return before soon-to-appear regular artist Tracey Yardley would mostly take over cover duties, with Spaz occasionally putting in an appearance. Anyway, on with the show.

The second part of “Songoose” begins with Mina being informed that Sonic and the Freedom Fighters will be acting as her bodyguards. This does not sit well with Ash, Mina's boyfriend/manager. He quickly butts heads with Sonic, believing that his girlfriend still has feelings for the speedy hedgehog. He's not entirely wrong. Personal matters are put aside when Robotnik sends new versions of Heavy and Bomb to attack the concert, endangering everyone's lives.

Ash's doubts aren't without good reasons. As I've pointed out, it's obvious that Mina still has a thing for Sonic. Of course, the problem is that Ash expresses these concerns in the worst way imaginable. Upon hearing that Sonic is going to be Mina's bodyguard, he immediately jumps down the guy's throat. He then confronts Mina in a passive-aggressive fashion, breaking up with her afterwards. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then picks a fight with Sonic. Keep in mind, this happens after the robots attack the concert. When Mina expresses her annoyance with Ash's antics, he starts dropping the love bomb. None of this changes my earlier impression of Ash Mongoose. He's an overly macho, emotionally manipulative asshole.

Of course, Ash just being left an asshole wouldn't be enough for Karl. He has to give the guy a redemptive moment. He ends up saving Mina's life. After an individual Bomb appears in her dressing room, he leaps on the explosion. This seems to prove to Mina that Ash really does loves her. They reconcile in the hospital. (Too bad for Mina that Ash will still be an asshole when he wakes up. That's what abusive boyfriends are like.) Sonic looks on sadly. If you're keeping count, this is roughly the ten thousandth time the comic has buried the Sonic/Mina romance. I think it does stick this time though, thank Christ.

As an action story, “Mongoose” is pretty underwhelming. The army of Bombs are mostly dealt with off-panel by Bunnie, Amy, and Tails. This doesn't make the collection of robotic suicide bombers seem very effective, do they? Heavy doesn't do much better. The bell-shaped 'bot tangos with Sonic briefly. The hedgehog dodges all the attacks easily, further undermining any tension. Sonic utilizes an old trick to defeat Heavy. He spins around, drilling a hole into the ground, dropping the robot into what appears to be well water. It's a move we've seen before, against one of the more uninspired enemies we've seen recently.

The conclusion of “Songoose” makes it clear that the assassination attempts were never the main point of the story. After his second attack is deflected, Robotnik simply gives up on this particular mission. Karl tries to wring some humor out of this, with Robotnik dismissing Mina's second album songs as inferior. It still comes off as a cheap, lazy conclusion. I can gleam the truth. This two-parter was more about squeezing more drama out of the Sonic/Mina romance, not about Eggman trying to kill the pop princess.

In the back pages, we greeted to a Ken Penders' joint named “More Than Meets the Eye.” The Knothole Brain Trust – Tommy, Rotor, Tails, Uncle Chuck, Snively, Fiona for some reason – are studying a sample of nanites. Tommy ponders on the meaning of life before taunting the nanites into attacking him. The microscopic machines then bond with the back of the turtle's shell. Somehow, he forms a neurological connection with the nanites. Tommy discovers that, just by thinking something, the machines will make it, allowing him to sprout wings or a jet pack from his shell or some such bullshit.

By this point, the fandom remained hostile to Tommy Turtle's return. The simple fact was the character had no reason to be in the book. Instead of just killing him off again, Archie's own brain trust insisted on keeping Tommy around. First, they tried to turn him into Rotor's neat freak partner. When that failed to make him interesting, Penders touched upon a far dumber idea: Turn the Turtle into a fucking Transformer. It's a bad idea, as Tommy's problem wasn't his lack of superpowers. Giving him new abilities does nothing to resolve the character's biggest issue. That he has no business being in the book in the first place. Setting up this new ability – in a very awkward, borderline nonsensical manner – is all “More Than Meets the Eye” accomplishes.

Art wise, all of issue 154 looks pretty shitty. I said Ron Lim was getting better last time. Any ground he gained previously, he looses once more. “Songoose: Part 2” is probably Lim's worst pencils in quite some time. His crowd shots are embarrassing, as the collection of Mobians look totally blank-eyed. Sonic, Sally, and Mina seemingly spend the entire story with static, “annoyed” expressions on their faces. The action is incredibly sloppy, with Sonic and Heavy bending off-model several times. Penders draws “More Than Meets the Eye” himself. As usual, his pencils are stiff, disproportionate, and blank faced. Ken really doesn't know how to draw turtles, as Tommy's appearance changes from panel to panel. The late in the story action is as lifeless as always.

It's fitting that Karl Bollers' final contribution to the book would revolve around Mina, by far his most enduring addition to the “Sonic” cast. I guess he wanted the final word on a character that clearly meant something to him. Karl's legacy on the book is a mixed one. He wrote some of my favorite stories and some of my most hated. At his best, he was probably the most ambitious, insightful writer “Sonic” ever had. At his worst, he wrote pointless plot twists and frustrating romantic melodrama. Either way, I am sad to see him go.

(Though the story has a happy ending. Unlike some former Sonic writers, Karl would go on to bigger and better things, eventually earning an Eisner Award nomination for “Watson & Holmes,” his modern update of Arthur Conan Doyle's famous detectives. He has also, thus far, not sued Archie for anything.) [5/10]

Sonic X: Issue 1

Sonic X: Issue 1
Publication Date: September 2005

I can't tell you how many times I have tried to get into “Sonic X.” When the English dub premiered, I was in high school. I felt a little self conscious about watching a Saturday morning cartoon back then. I stopped watching after two or three episodes. Since then, I've made at least two other attempts to watch the original Japanese version. Each time, I drift away after a few episodes. This isn't a knock against “Sonic X's” quality. The show ran in syndication many years after its original run, suggesting it was popular. I'm sure that “Sonic X” was the gateway drug for some that SatAM was for me. Someday, I'll watch the whole thing, I swear.

If I have next to no familiarly with “Sonic X,” why am I reviewing the comic book? Originally, I wasn't going to. The series only had one quasi-crossover with the main Archie “Sonic” book, mostly staying in its own continuity. There's really no reason for me to read it, much less review it. However, a combination of my O.C.D. and my professional devotion to you, dear readers, made me change my mind. If I gave “Sonic Live!” and the fucking “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” crossover a fair chance, why not “Sonic X?” Besides, it'll make my Best/Worst List more comprehensive or something.

The first issue of Archie's “Sonic X” tie-in features a few info bubbles, detailing the basic premise of the cartoon. The short version: Sonic and his friends got zapped from their world to Earth, where they shacked up with Chris Thorndyke, a rich kid, and his scientist grandpa. Issue 1 features the story “Saving and Groans.” In it, Dr. Eggman realizes these humans keep their funds inside facilities called "banks." He immediately decides to rob one, utilizing a giant rat robot for the job. By coincidence, Sonic's friends are at the same bank that gets attack. Luckily, Sonic shows up to save the day.

I don't want to put “Sonic X' down too much. But one of the reasons why the show has never clicked with me, personally, is it strikes me as a more simplified version of Sonic and his friends. Sonic is a speedy, super-good guy with minimal 'tude. Tails is childish, occasionally ingenious, but also something of a klutz. This is displayed in “Saving and Groans” when he drops a bunch of Power Rings on the floor. In his one appearance here, Knuckles is more serious then Sonic, refusing to abandon his post on Angel Island for any reason. Amy is Sonic's fawning fan girl. Cream the Rabbit – thus far unseen in Archie's main book – just comments on events as they happen, being even more childish than Tails.

I don't want to call it the kiddie version of “Sonic the Hedgehog.” (That's “Sonic Schoolhouse,” if we're being totally technical.) But it's obviously a softer, less serious take on these characters. Take at look at Eggman, for one example. He petulantly whines about humanity's refusal to acknowledge his genius. He's utterly baffled by the Earthly exchange of money and goods. After activating his rat robot, he sings a few lyrics of Michael Jackson's “Ben.” Which is, admittedly, a totally unexpected reference. The book doesn't stop there, as Eggman also has two comic relief henchmen, a pair of robots named Decoe and Bocoe. It's occasionally funny, especially the robot's reaction to an ATM or Irish-accented cop, but the writing is clearly aiming for a younger demographic.

If fans are critical of any aspect of “Sonic X,” it's the cartoon exclusive characters. Chris Thorndyke is a frequent target for fan derision, with his grandfather not being much better liked. In issue 1 of “Sonic X,” Chris doesn't come off as any more whiny, cutesy, or obnoxious then Tails or Cream. A few pages are devoted to Chris being reunited with his parents, who are frequently away from home for some reason, but it doesn't amount to much. (I'm also not sure what to make of Mr. Tanaka and Ella, Chris' racial minority servants.) More annoying is Sam Speed, a cocky race car driver who is apparently related to Chris. Sam is obsessed with beating Sonic's speed but always fails to best him. I'm not sure why the issue opens with this. Is Sam Speed going to become important later?

I'm not sure if “Sonic X” becomes more serialized as it goes on but “Savings and Groans” is a stand alone story. The action is saved for the back half of the book. There is a certain goofy appeal to a giant rat robot shooting missiles from its back and laser beams from its eyes. Amy and Tails attempt to fight off, granting some determined toughness to the pink hedgehog. Sonic bests the rat-bot in a few minutes, struggling all of once. He also allows Eggman to get away at the end. But it's not a bad bit of action.

A totally different staff from the main book handles the creative duties on “Sonic X.” Somebody named Joe Edkin writes the script. Somebody named Tim Smith III draws the issue. Smith's artwork closely resembles the artwork of the “Sonic X” cartoon. It's totally serviceable. Smith seems to especially enjoy drawing Eggman and his minions, all of him look appropriately cartoony. Smith's artwork is also slightly flat. His backgrounds are a bit drab and panels devoted to characters talking are a snore. But it looks fine.

So what do I think of the first issue of the “Sonic X” comic? It's... Fine. That's more-or-less how I react to the cartoon, as well. Don't hate it, don't love it, aren't immediately sucked in. But it's inoffensive and relatively well executed. Hopefully, the book will get a little more interesting as forty whole issues of simply fine stories might get a little dull after a while... [6/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 153

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 153
Publication Date: September 2005

Issue 153 begins a story arc called “Songoose,” revolving around Mina Mongoose and her music. That songs feature prominently in this is fitting. Issue 153 would be the swan song for Karl Bollers' involvement in Archie's “Sonic” series. Once one of the book's best writers, Karl would write his share of stinkers, receiving some not-unfair blame for the comic's Dork Age. Bollers' exit is mostly blamed on increasingly common arguments with fellow head writer Ken Penders. Though I feel the book's recent dip in quality must've informed Karl's decision. Whatever the reason, “Songoose” would be the beginning of the end of Bollers' stint on “Sonic.”

Mina the Mongoose is coming to Knothole to perform a big concert. The Freedom Fighters hope it will rise the spirits of everyone around town. Instead, Nack the Weasel appears in the crowd and attempts to assassinate Mina. Once captured, he admits why. Robotnik hates the mongoose's infectiously catchy tunes and demands her head on a platter. Realizing the dictator won't stop with one failed attempt, Sally assigns Sonic to be the pop star's personal bodyguard.

The reasoning behind Robotnik wanting Mina dead is kind of cute. After the weasel gets tossed in prison, realizing his ex-partners are there and ready to kick his ass, he immediately weasels out his employer. We are then greeted to four highly amusing panels devoted to Robotnik hearing one of Mina's song, the tune getting stuck in his head, and being tormented by the number's persistent presence in his brain. This recalls the comic's earlier, goofier days, a pleasant respite the recent romantic entanglements and grimness of Bunnie being robo-raped. (Which I guess shows you how dark the book has gotten, when the attempted assassination of a pop star is actually considered a more whimsical element.)

I do wish the actual assassination was carried out a little better. Nack sneaks into Mina's concert, wearing sunglasses and a trench coat, a not exactly inconspicuous fashion choice. He shoots a fiery blast from a weird handheld blaster, missing horribly and setting a palm tree ablaze. Sonic then rushes Mina out of the way and quickly bonks Nack on the head into unconsciousness. Weirdly, three whole panels are devoted to Bunnie kicking the flaming tree into a near-by lake, as if it posed ans equal a threat as the murderous weasel. The whole sequence mostly makes Nack seem incompetent, making you wonder why Robotnik hired him in the first place.

With Mina's return to singing, the lingering attraction between her and Sonic also returns. I don't know how many times the book has buried that one – at least three times, by my count? - but it's the subplot that just won't die. Ash is clearly jealous of Sonic, while the blue hedgehog clearly continues to inspire Mina's lyrics. That's not the only tension in the air. In one panel, Tails awkwardly attempts to ask Fiona out on a date, still holding a torch for the vixen. Hoping to save the little guy's heart, Sonic instead invites the whole group to the concert. This leads to Fiona talking about how hard it was for her to forgive Sonic, for abandoning her at that Robotnik prison camp years ago. It's not a great scene but is still the most character development Fiona has gotten.

The romantic stuff is admittedly the better handled emotional aspect in this story. “Songoose: Part 1” begins with General D'Coolette watching Sonic and the Chaotix sparing. After a conversation with the King and Queen, still overseas, the old man collapses from some unspecified malady. You'd think this would to a scene of Anti-Antoine, still masquerading as the real deal, responding to this news with a cold heart. Or perhaps walking away from his dad's hospital room, unmoved? This, in turn, would raise the Freedom Fighters' suspicions about what's up with the coyote. Instead, we merely hear Bunnie and Sonic talk about how cold-hearted Antoine has become. Furthermore, these scenes don't really connect with the rest of the issue's story. The book will resolve the Anti-Antoine plot point soon and I can't wait. It's been so dumb, mismanaged so badly.

The cover story's somewhat whimsical tone continues with the back-up, entitled “Fairy Tale or the Adventures of Pirate Sally.” The orphans Sasha, Snaggle, and Rory have come down with a cold. They beg Rosie to tell them a story, to take their minds off their sickness. The nanny spins a yarn about a good pirate named Sally. After an elf version of Tails literally falls out of the sky, he tells Sally's crew a story about how one of his tails was stolen by the minion of an evil wizard. On their journey to retrieve the kid's tail, Sally will encounter a brave hedgehog knight, a dark rider, a troll, and an evil wizard.

“Fairy Tale” is silly but it's also pretty cute. The fantasy fiction spins on Sonic and friends aren't especially clever. It's weird that Robotnik is turned into the evil wizard while Ixis Naugus – an actual evil wizard – is relegated to a one panel cameo. Rouge, appearing as the Rogue Assassin, and Mogul as a troll get similarly small roles. However, the image of Sally as an eye-patch wearing pirate, having adventures with an elf Tails and a knight Sonic, is fun. The five page length, with two of those pages devoted to Rosie telling the kids the story, isn't nearly enough time to explore the fantasy setting. I do like the kids criticizing the holes in Rosie's story, a funny moment.

Adding to my enjoyment of “Fairy Tale” is some awesome pencils from Art Mawhinney. He makes Sally as a pirate look surprisingly cool. The action scenes, while brief, are well orchestrated. Art's cute style is especially well suited to this story. The orphans look adorable. So do Sally and the gang in the bed time story. After they've been broken up for a year, it touches my heart to see Sonic and Sally nearly kiss, in Art's SatAM-esque style. Even if it is in a non-canon fantasy stories. Art's excellent work is certainly a step-up from Ron Lim's work on the first tale. Though Lim does pull off a decent panel of Nack or Mina, his characters remain noodle-limbed and wide-eyed. Even this represents an improvement for Lim, as his action scenes have a little more pop to them then usual.

I suppose this issue is also the swan song for Romy Chacon, as “Fairy Tale” appears to be his final credit on the book. Chacon was a far more uneven writer then Bollers, though I suppose I'll miss him too. The cover story has its moments and the back-up is cute, meaning issue 153 is actually one of the better “Sonic” comics to be published in 2005, even if it's still just shy of mediocre. (In other news: The annoying habit of Archie including extended advertisements in the middle of the book continued with 153. Midway through the issue is a five page insert inviting you to buy “The Batman” pasta from Campbell's. Thankfully, and obviously, this is clipped from the digital version.) [6/10] 

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 152

 

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 152
Publication Date: August 2005

Ken Penders' decision to turn Sonic into a philandering Lothario, romancing every single girl in Knothole except his ex-girlfriend, was not well received by fans. Unsurprisingly, the die hard “Sonic” nerds did not enjoy seeing their hero portrayed as a double-dealing sleazeball. Despite the reveal that it was Sonic's mirror universe counterpart behind the seductions, fans were still pissed. So what did Archie do? Have Spaz draw up a cover seemingly celebrating Sonic's newfound status as a womanizer, encouraging “the playa” to play on. Readers were not amused. Most insultingly, the cover has little to do with the actual content of this issue. For one thing, Rouge is on the cover, despite being absent in the comic.

Issue 152 actually begins with the back story, “Engage!” Robotnik, growing increasingly frustrated that Sonic continues to foil his plans, inadvertently gives A.D.A.M.'s full reign to do whatever he sees fit. The computer virus decides to unleash a collection of nanites. The grey goo spreads across the countryside, encroaching on the Great Forest and endangering Lupe and the Wolf Pack.

I don't know why Ken decided to designate “Engage!” as its own story. The five pager plays out as nothing but a prologue to the issue's main story. All it really does is set up the Nanites as 152's main threat, explaining why they're in the book. (It doesn't explain why Robotnik had a collection of nanites lying around, though I've always theorized that roboticization involves nanite technology.) Ken throws Lupe and the Wolf Pack into the story in an attempt to add a human element. All it really does is remind us that Lupe is still around, organic once more, roaming the countryside but not contributing to the story.

With that out of the way, we move on to the main event, a story seriously entitled “Sonic's Angels.” Rotor and the rest of Knothole's brain trust immediately recognize the nanites as a seriously threat. A team composed of Sonic, Bunnie, Mina, Fiona, and Amy are sent to investigate. What they find is a massive nanite construct on the edge of the forest. After exploring the building, they discover the previously M.I.A. Snively is already there, looking for a solution. The situation turns grimmer when the nanites attempt to absorb Bunnie.

The very dumb gimmick behind “Sonic's Angels” is evident in the title. For whatever reason, this story features Sonic's collection of romantic conquests going on a mission with him. There's no in-universe reason for this. Mina has been retired from Freedom Fighting for quite some time, instead focusing on her musical career. Amy and Fiona at least have field experience, though I'm not sure why they were singled out over Tails or Antoine. Only Bunnie, as the resident bruiser, makes much sense. If Penders was trying to play up the romantic tension between the group, he must've forgotten that the real Sonic didn't screw around with all these women. For some reason, Sonic hasn't informed Sally or the others that he unwillingly traded places with his evil doppelganger recently. You'd think that conversation would've come up at some point.

That's all very dumb but it's not the most egregious thing about issue 152. Bunnie is captured by the nanites. Not understanding that half her body is organic, they attempt to adsorb the cyborg. The abduction is framed like a horror movie. Black, greasy arms grab Bunnie and drag her off. What happens next brings more unnerving connotations to mind. Bunnie is pinned to a table. Her cybernetic limbs are melted into goo. Robotic probes touch her body, including her swimsuit areas. Her left eye disappears mid-way through the book. Most disturbing are the silent tears streaming down her face, the obvious torment and anguish she's feeling. Does this remind you of anything? Introducing a metaphorical, practically literal rape into a kids' book is in questionable taste. Subjecting Bunnie, one of the series' most beloved characters to this, is especially awful.

Maybe if the story was actually about Bunnie's cybernetic assault, this would have been more excusable. But Ken's script brushes off what happens to Bunnie. Instead, he uses this as an opportunity to boost Sonic. Since the micro robots only understand organic and inorganic, Bunnie's status as both confuses the machines into inactivity. Bunnie could've accomplished this but the script robs her of agency. Bunnie's assault only happens so Sonic can play hero. That may genuinely be the most offensive thing Ken has ever written.

That the rescue is capped off with Bunnie smooching Sonic makes it feel sleazier. Apparently Sonic still hasn't told Bunnie that he's not the one she got cozy with recently. Yet he's all to willing to accept her romantic overture. The kiss is drawn as passionate, accepting, not confused and shocked. (Penders claim that's not how he wrote it, that artist Al Bigley misunderstood but that still doesn't excuse Sonic just going with it.) It's almost as if the hero has intentionally been withholding information because he enjoys the attention the women are giving him. This is, for lack of a better word, incredibly gross.

Does “Sonic's Angels” contribute anything pleasant to the comic's universe? While the nanites would become minor bits of the Archie Sonic lore, their presentation here is confusing. A grey goo scenario would threaten everything. The story runs with this at first before later shifting gears, saying that the nanites only consume mechanical stuff. However, the story does bring Snively back. He's been absent since the “Home” arc and has apparently been working against Eggman. The story ends with him tentatively teaming up with the Freedom Fighters. That's an interesting plot point but one sure to be underutilized. That's the way the book has gone recently.

Issue 154 also has some artwork problems. The usually reliable James Fry draws “Engage!,” after a long absence from the book. Maybe he lost a step or two during his time off. The story's not bad looking but the characters and shading do look slightly off. Jon Gray draws part of “Sonic's Angels.” Gray has improved slightly from the “Return to Angel Island” arc, as the characters are less exaggerated, but I”m still not a fan. Gray's most baffling decision is to draw an American flag in the background of one panel for no reason. Al Bigley, who draws the second half, also showed some improvement recently but his work goes back off the rails this time. His characters frequently appear as disconnected globs of limbs and squinting faces.

Conceptually, this is just another mediocre Ken Penders' joint from one of the comic's worst years. With dumb romantic melodrama, a plot that meanders without much point, and story turns seemingly throw out at random. What happens to Bunnie, and especially how the book handles it, forces me to be much harsher on this one. The biggest insult? The original print version included a five page advertisement for Lego Bionicle in the middle of the book. I know that isn't Ken's fault but it just seals the deal for me. “Sonic's Angels” has earned its title as a legendarily shitty issue. [2/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 151

(Yes, I've read the news today: Archie's "Sonic the Hedgehog" comics have officially been canceled. Since I've already eulogized the book on this blog, I don't have too much say. Click over to the Hedgehogs Can't Swim Tumblr for my latest thoughts about this development.)

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 151
Publication Date: July 2005

There’s no getting around this one: Evil Sonic switching places with his heroic counterpart primarily so he could get his dick wet is one of the worst premises for a “Sonic” story Archie would ever publish. It’s certainly one of the most embarrassing. But here’s how bad things were for the book in 2005: This is actually one of the year’s more readable arcs. Especially coming off the epic suck-fest that was “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown,” even something as lame as Anti-Sonic’s philandering ways reads as entertaining. Let’s dissect this one a little further, shall we?

Last issue concluded with a horny Anti-Sonic getting a look at Ms. Fanservice Rouge and immediately deciding he needed a slice of that. The bat falls for the line that Sonic knows his way around the Floating Island. The two high tail it for the Chaos Chamber. While Rouge distracts Locke by making out with him, Anti-Sonic sneaks towards the Master Emerald. There, the real Sonic confronts him. The hero hedgehog defeated the Anti-Freedom Fighters in the Mirror Universe and talked them into sending him home. Inevitably, bad guy and hero trade blows. Guess who wins?

“Chaos Emeralds Are Forever” – yeah, that’s another Bond reference from Penders that barely connects – doesn’t do much with its premise. Wouldn’t it have been cool to see Sonic do the same thing to Anti-Sonic’s gang that the evil copy did to his? Sneak among them and manipulate the others towards his goal? (A story about how the evil double’s selfish actions affect the real deal would be nice too.) Instead, Sonic quickly reveals his true identity and goes about stomping the Freedom Fighters’ bad equivalents. Which, by the way, include an Anti-Bunnie, a character previously unseen.

Yet at least good ol’ action is worth a little more then undercooked soap opera antics. I know it was Evil Sonic that the previous issue focused on but, after seeing a blue hedgehog act like such a tool, this issue’s opening sequence – where the Anti-Freedom Fighters beat the shit out of Sonic – is somewhat cathartic. That opening barrage also causes the good hog to turn the tables on his attackers to be a little more satisfying. Sonic’s headbutts, flips, and discombobulating cyclone spins are old tricks but there’s something to be said for that. Half the fight also features him in just his socks, which is sort of funny.

Annoyingly, the story dangles a conclusion to the similar plot concerning Antione before ignoring it. During his fight with the reverse Mobians, we see Antoine’s thoughts bubbles, commenting on how he’s been living in his doppleganger’s place. You’d think this would set up the real Antoine’s return to Mobius. Instead, Sonic cold cocks the coyote and leaves him where he lands. It would be a few more issue before the book got around to resolving that one, even if the opportunity was right there.

The big conclusion is the Sonic-on-Sonic fight at the end. Again, you’d think this would be a good chance to do something mildly clever. What if we were watching a fight where we weren’t sure who the hero was? That would be interesting! Instead, Ken identifies which Sonic is which with some typically thudding dialogue and a few visual clues. But, again, it’s not a bad fight. I’m especially fond of the panel of Evil Sonic doing a handstand into Regular Sonic’s face.

If Archie spent several of the year’s issues forcing Shadow into the book, it seems there was some weird mandate to include Rouge the Bat in this one. Her role in the story is negligible. She essentially gets Evil Sonic onto Angel Island, so that fight can commence. (Of course, there’s no reason that showdown had to take place in the Chaos Chamber.) Otherwise, Rouge’s subplot is vague at best, the character’s objective getting pushed to the point of obscurity. I’m sticking with my theory that Penders wanted Locke to have a hot girlfriend. In this issue, the elderly echidna and the sexy bat get to second base, it appears. Rumor has it that Ken thought Rouge was a little closer to Locke’s age, though that still doesn’t change how kind of gross that particular pairing is.

After a cover story that gets a begrudging, barely passable recommendation from me, let’s move on to “Stargazing,” issue 151’s back-up feature. After awakening in the middle of the night, Princess Sally notices that Nicole’s screen is blank. She walks outside the castle to see a strangely dressed lynx looking up at the night skies. This, she soon discovers, is Nicole. After the computer got a taste of the fleshy life in issue 146’s “Circuit Me,” Nicole decided to create herself a hologram body that would allow her to interact with the physical world. Sadly, she only has the power to project the hologram for a short time. After Nicole’s Mobian form disappears, Sally is left stargazing all by herself.

“Stargazing” is a short tale that would, unexpectedly, end up being an important part of the Archie Sonic mythos. After years as simply Sally’s handheld computer, showing bits and pieces of personality at times, Nicole would soon graduate into a full-fledged characters. And it started here. “Stargazing,” written and drawn by Tania del Rio, is a sweet, quietly observant tale. Nicole’s appreciation for the simple things is touching, especially how it makes Sally regain that appreciation for the blessings she does have. I also like the story’ bittersweet tone. Nicole’s ability to project a body for herself, what it allows her to experience sensation, is wonderful. Yet it’s a short lived experience, giving it more meaning.

Art Mawhinney continues to draw the cover stories and does a pretty good job. The Anti-Freedom Fighters look fittingly comical in his style. While his Rouge still looks a little off, especially in her clashing “Sonic Heroes” outfit, Anti-Bunnie is a welcomed addition to this collection of rogues. As I mentioned, Tania del Rio draws “Stargazing.” del Rio was brought over from the then-anime inspired “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” book. It’s clear she doesn’t quite have a grasp on how to draw the “Sonic” cast. Sally and Nicole have similar, anime-esque eyes and faces, which is a bit off-putting. del Rio’s also gets Sally’s body proportions off several times. Still, it’s serviceable work and doesn’t distract from the story.

I guess “Stargazing” proves that there were a few worthwhile stories published in this book during 2005. The cover story in issue 151 is fairly weak yet I can’t entirely hate it, despite being a disposable plot over all. The back-up story is one of the more touching ones to be published in this book in quite some time. I don’t feel like figuring out what that would even out to, so I’ll split the score again. “Chaos Emeralds Are Forever” barely gets a [5/10.] “Stargazing” gets a [7/10.] I hate to do that but some times these things happens.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 150

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 150
Publication Date: June 2005

This is it, guys. The issue of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic that nearly caused me to abandon the book, a series I had been reading regularly for over a decade at this point, that I consider an enormous cornerstone of my nerdiness. It’s not really the fault of issue 150, though it is a very flawed comic. Instead, I was simply fed up with the comic, coming off the super shitty “The Good, the Bad and the Unknown” arc and several years of disappointing stories. After reading this mediocre issue, I actually stopped reading for about two months before deciding life was too weird without Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog”  in my hand every month.

In Knothole, romance is in the air. Sort of. Sonic is hitting on Mina Mongoose, who is tempted but rejects him because of Ash being her boyfriend. He hits on Amy Rose, who is weirded out by his direct language. The hedgehog’s horny ways eventually hit pay dirt, when Tails walks in on Sonic and Bunnie making out. Moreover, Sonic is doing heroic deeds solely for rewards. There’s a reason for this: Sonic isn’t Sonic. Instead, Anti-Sonic has kidnapped the real deal and switched places with him.

I think “Hero to Zero in No Time at All” – another one of those elegant Ken Penders’ titles – reveals what an incompetent villain Anti-Sonic is. Somehow, it took the guy 139 issues to think of stealing Sonic’s identity, even though that’s the most obvious scheme an evil copy can enact. After slotting himself into the heroic hedgehog’s life, what evil act does he commit? Murder Sonic and his friends? Sabotage the Freedom Fighters? Sell Knothole out to Robotnik? Nope! Instead, he grabs free food and hits on chicks until he gets laid. (Sonic and Bunnie awake in the woods, in each other’s arms. There’s no way you can convince me they didn’t fuck.) What’s especially dumb about this is how nobody questions why Sonic is acting like a horny douchebag. Not Tails, not Sally, not any number of other people who have known him their entire lives.

This shows a serious lack of understanding of the characters. Considering Ken Penders has been the main writer on this book for a multitude of years, you’d think he would know better too. Then again, Penders seems to think that Sonic being a love-em/leave-em type is canon so I guess the others have no reason to notice how weird he’s acting. Writing like this is one of the reasons why detractors deride the comic as “furry soap opera melodrama bullshit.” Sonic, even a villainous copy of Sonic, trying to seduce nearly every woman in his life is a story that probably has no business being in this book. The hedgehog getting lucky with Bunnie of all people – who has never shown any romantic interest in him – shows a further misunderstanding of these characters Ken has lived with for a long ass time.

It’s almost as if Ken really wanted to write a story about Sonic screwing around on all the girls who like him and some that don’t. The Anti-Sonic angle is probably the laziest way to accomplish this story. By bringing up the Mirror Mobius, Ken also quickly tosses another recent plot point under the rug. You want to know why Antoine has been acting like a shit head for a while? Cause he’s also been replaced by his evil counterpart! Apparently Karl Bollers intended Antoine’s personality change to be good old fashion character development. This disagreement with Penders was one of many that would lead to Bollers’ upcoming exit from the book. To add further insult, this nugget about Antoine has no other effect on the plot.

I guess Ken figured romance should be in the air for some reason, as “Hero to Zero” features a subplot involving Rouge the Bat. Hoping to snipe Nack the Weasel’s attempt to steal Angel Island’s magical emerald, she heads for the Island. Rouge meets Locke and begins to seduce him. This plot goes nowhere, as Archimedes teleports Rouge away before the date goes too far. I have no idea where – if anywhere – this subplot is going. Christ, it’s almost as if Ken just wanted his self-insert Locke to get a hot girlfriend or something.

The back-up story concerns events of actual important. In the conclusion of “The Chosen One,” Mammoth Mogul is ready to destroy the Perpendicular Zone, wiping out the multi-verse and the ten thousand Tails contained within. The prime Tails bravely heads out to face the god-like villain. Mogul immediately attempts to de-atomize the fox. Sonic leaps in the way, taking the shot. This activates Tails’ Chosen One powers. He absorbs all of the other Tails, becoming a giant named Titan Tails. He quickly defeats Mogul, stripping him of all his powers. Using the last of his immense strength, Titan Tails restores the multi-verse.

Part two of “The Chosen One” is responsible for another notorious bit of Archie Sonic lore. I’m talking about, of course, Titan Tails. The character design is, indeed, quite unfortunate. Most of the super forms in the Sonic-verse are just like the regular characters but a different color or something. Titan Tails, meanwhile, is a giant and super-buff version of Tails. The contrast is somewhat disturbing. Seeing the normally boyish Tails have his features grafted onto “Pumping Iron” era Arnold Schwarznegger’s body is hugely off-putting.

Once you overlook the monstrosity that is Titan Tails, “The Chosen One: Part Two” is as about as satisfying as this story could be. Tails being motivated by Sonic’s pain add some minor emotion to the story. Tails’ powers, defeating a god-like Mogul in minutes and undoing all the damage he incurred, are pretty impressive. Tails giving away his powers willingly, in order to save millions of lives, is a nice touch. Pretty much no pay-off to the Chosen One arc could’ve been one-hundred percent satisfying, after so many years of build up. But Romy Chacon does alright.

Art Mawhinney draws the entire issues and, as always, it’s good work. I love how bizarre some of the alternate universe Tails are during “The Chosen One.” He does what he can with Titan Tails, a truly poor design. As for the cover story, his clean lines and expressive faces are a benefit. The flashbacks, detailing Anti-Sonic trading places with the real deal, bring some obvious humor to the proceedings. Though, I’ll admit, Art doesn’t quite have a grasp on Rouge’s design. (And considering the obvious amount of sex appeal in the story, Steven Butler probably would’ve been a better choice.)

As far as anniversary issues go, #150 is definitely underwhelming. The conclusion to the Chosen One plot point occurring in this issue was a good choice. But devoting the 150th cover story to Evil Sonic sexually manipulating some of the series’ female players? That was a weird-ass choice. I don’t even like Spaz’ cover much, which is about as generic as a “Sonic” cover can get. Still, it sucks less then “The Good, the Bad and the Unknown.” That was the metric to measure the book by in 2005. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 149

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 149
Publication Date: May 2005

With issue 149, “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown” finally concludes. When this story arc was originally published, to me, it felt like the plot went on for most of the year. In truth, it only lasted four months. However, this one was enough of a clunker – combined with a general decline in quality in the series – that I nearly quit reading the book over it. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Let's get this over with.

Deep in the mysterious Kintobor's underground complex, Sonic, Shadow, and Metal Sonic continue their hyper-macho throw down/pissing contest. Their fight has unearthed a giant nuclear missile, which is about to go off. Rotor and the others continue to mill around the upper levels, looking for help. Somehow – I can't remember specifics – Uncle Chuck and Jules become aware of this strife, piloting a plane to rescue everyone. Will they make it in time? Take a guess.

The Sonic/Shadow/Metal Sonic three-way showdown – the main reason, I suspect, this entire story arc was written – concludes here. And in the most underwhelming fashion possible. Sonic defeats Metal by bopping him on the head, Bunny Foo-Foo style, and embedding him in the ground. This happens within the first few pages, ending that story line prematurely and awkwardly. Afterwards, Shadow outright admits that he doesn't know why he's fighting Sonic. In the tradition of so many comic book fights, the two immediately team up afterwards, realizing the nuclear missile about to go off threatens them both. That's the conclusion to this epic fight. What a let down.

One of many problems with this story arc has been the role the Freedom Fighters play. Tails, Rotor, Bunnie, Tommy, and Fiona have been milling about the underground facility. The whole time they haven't accomplished much, besides stumbling into a series of traps. Ken more-or-less admits how useless the gang has been because he has Chuck and Jules, out of nowhere, rescue them. About the only notable thing about their sequence is a moment when Fiona picks up a big ass gun, posing with it. Because Ken is always subtle with his commentary, Rotor immediately tells her to put it down because Mobians never use guns. Yet this single panel hints at the villainous personality Fiona would develop under Ian Flynn's pen.

Maybe the biggest sucking black hole in this story has been the character of Isaac. Ambiguously villainous but mostly just boring, he continues to croak up some of Penders' most banal dialogue ever. In the final pages of 149, Isaac reveals that the man who built him, this giant base, and the huge nuke inside is still alive. Yep, Kintobor – who brought the wrath of the Xorda down on Earth and is Robotnik's ancestor, in some way – sleeps in a stasis tube, awaiting reawakening. Of course, the subsequent writers didn't pick up on this thread. And who can blame them? Isaac and Kintobor are left buried underground after their own nuke goes off. That's where they fucking belong.

As promised last month, the back-up story finally steers the plot point of Tails being “The Chosen One” towards its conclusion. A casual game of Hide and Seek between Sonic and Tails is interrupted when Zonic the Zone-Cop pokes his head in. Sonic assumes he's the one being summoned. Instead, Zonic is after Tails. Mammoth Mogul is up to his old tricks again and everyone is hoping Tails can stop him.

Are you curious how long Archie screwed around with this “Tails is the Chosen One” bullshit? Since the first issue of “Tails” mini-series. Which was in 1995. Ten years before this issue. One of the reason I suspect this plot point sat on the shelf for so long was general disinterest. It's not like this series had a shortage of prophecies and contrived mythology. But after so many false starts and hints, it is satisfying for the comic to promise a quick conclusion to that particular prophecy.

There are one or two clever elements in the first part of “The Chosen One.” Mammoth Mogul, never as impressive he boasted about, finally becomes a credible bad guy. In this story, he graduates to a cosmic level threat. After getting a super dose of Knuckles' Chaos Power, the immortal has been going around the multi-verse, destroying alternate realities. He's powerful enough to swat a whole legion of Zone Cops away, which is mildly impressive. Zonic's solution to this problem is mildly clever as well. He knows Mogul fears Tails. So he stacks the deck, by recruiting hundreds of Tails from across the multi-verse. (Including such delightful variations as Darth Maul Tails, Benjamin Franklin Tails, Clown Tails, Buff Tails, Pregnant Tails, Care Bear Tails, and Metrosexual Tails.) It's not a bad story, even if it still spends two pages recounting prior events.

Two of Archie's most reliable artists draw both of these stories. Steven Butler drew all of “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown” and his artwork was usually the story's sole positive attribute. But he appears to be having a slightly off-day in 149. A couple of times, Sonic, Shadow, and Metal seem to be a little flat. The action doesn't pop like it usually does. Though it's still a decent looking story. Art Mawhinney draws “The Chosen One.” Mawhinney's doubles down on the cuteness, which works with fine with the room full of Tails or the opening scene, which details a “Spider-Man” themed Sonic reality. When showing Mogul destroying whole worlds, it's less suitable. But Mawhinney always does good work so I can't complain.

The back-up story isn't bad. It manages to push the whole issue's rating up one. Not that it would've taken a lot to improve over the cover story. What should've been a one issue showdown between the hedgehogs and a hedgehog-like robot was stretched out for four tedious issues. Along the way, Penders set up some bullshit that was never going to pay off, probably even if he hadn't left the book. Another upside to this finally ending: I'm really looking forward to not having to write out “The Good, the Bad and the Unknown” again. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 148

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 148
Publication Date: April 2005

Dear readers, I feel like we can level with each other. When Archie first published the “Good/Bad/Unknown” story arc, I was barely reading the comic. At this point, I'd yank the issues out of my comic shop bag and skim them. So, in a way, this is the first time I've ever really read this story. What I remember of this one is a plot that went nowhere and got loaded down with exposition. I guess what I was really remembering was Issue 148, which certainly features both of those elements.

Last time, Sonic and the gang were left in precarious positions. Sonic, Shadow, Isaac, and Metal Sonic fell down a hole in the floor, accidentally activated by Tails. Rotor and the others, meanwhile, got caught in one of the complex's traps. The group was in the process of being electrocuted to death. Tommy immediately sets out to rescue the Freedom Fighters. Sonic, meanwhile, awakens in an underground tram way. There, his rivalry with Shadow continues while Metal gets a lecture from Isaac.

In my previous review, I characterized this four-parter as being an excuse for Sonic and Shadow, and to a lesser degree Metal, to fight. I still think that was a good summation of this arc. However, if that was Penders' goal, he screwed up on this one. Sonic and Shadow barely fight in issue 148. After running into each other on the underground tram way, Shadow briefly puts Sonic in a choke hold. By slamming on the bumper car's brakes, the darker hedgehog gets tossed into the dirt. And that's about it, as far as erinaceinae fisticuffs go. This really puts a damper on Steven Butler's awesome ability to draw fight scenes, which where the sole highlight of the last two issues.

Instead, most of the story is devoted to Isaac laying some heavy-handed exposition on us. For some reason, Metal Sonic is being civil to Shadow. He patiently listens, sitting in a roller coaster car with Isaac, as the shinier robot drones on. And on. And on. When Metal Sonic notices that Isaac's creator was named Kintobor, it causes the other robot to launched into an unending lecture about his origin. Ken even takes a page from the Christian Weston Chandler playbook, as Isaac's narration carries over panels depicting unrelated events. Instead of just saying “Yeah, Kintobor was the guy who dissected the Xorda ambassador. Afterwards, he built me and this underground lair to survive the apocalypse,” the robot delivers a monologue about Mobius' entire history. It's just the worst, you guys.

If that wasn't bad enough, Archie is still struggling with what to do with the other characters. I honestly don't why Ken had Tails and the Freedom Fighters join Sonic on this journey. All they've done is hang back while the hedgehogs fight. Maybe it was all a ruse, another attempt to make Tommy Turtle interesting. In this installment, Tommy saves Rotor and the gang by donning a rubber glove and smashing a circuit box. There's two problems with this. First off, considering how long they were being shocked, I'm pretty sure Fiona and the others are already dead. Secondly, drawing the pudgy, slow moving turtle in such a heroic light is unintentionally hilarious. This summarizes the Freedom Fighters' involvement in this story.

Archie continues to fill each issue with three stories. What's weird is the back-up tales are clearly set at a different period then the cover story. “Playing Around,” for example, is a total goof with no affect on anything. It shows Sonic and the others putting on a play for Sally and the orphans. Sonic clearly wrote the play himself, as its an ego-stroking account of a time he rescued Sally from Robotnik. That's pretty much it.

The humor in “Playing Around” mostly comes from the bizarre casting decisions Sonic made in his play. Only Sonic and Uncle Chuck play themselves. Only Big as Robotnik makes much sense. Rotor is Tails, Tails is Snively, Bunnie is St. John, Vector is a SWATBot, and – seemingly to throw a bone to the slash shippers – Knuckles is Sally. The cross dressing and fat jokes have limited appeal but “Playing Around” did make me laugh once. When somebody gets punched, Amy holds up cards with sound effects on them. Otherwise, there's little reason to check this one out.

Rounding out issue 148 is “Destiny's Child,” a story starring Tails. Sadly, the plot does not involve whether or not somebody is ready for this jelly. Instead, Tails is sitting in Knothole, wondering why everybody else has gotten their parents back but him. That's when a disembodied voice starts talking to him. Turns out the floating head of Athair has come calling again, informing Tails of his great destiny as the Chosen One. Before this conversation reaches any sort of point, Athair disappears again, leaving Tails and the reader greatly annoyed.

All “Destiny's Child” really accomplishes is to remind the reader about Tails' status as the Chosen One. Athair expounds on his first encounter with Tails in that Australian crater, that time he helped beat Mammoth Mogul, and that whole business about Tails being cloned. Throughout this, Athair mentions Tails' magician uncle Merlin, who the fox claims to have never met. This is either a plot hole or only the copycat Tails met Merlin. At this point, I can't be asked to keep this shit straight. “Destiny's Child” ends by promising that this Chosen One business will be resolved soon. God, I hope so.

How about that artwork? Steven Butler is still doing a pretty good job on the cover story, even if the script continues to disappoint. Nelson Ribeiro, who we haven't seen in a while, returns to draw “Playing Around.” Ribeiro's artwork has never been very good. His characters remain overly furry, soft, and squishy. The last one is drawn by a newcomer named Tim Smith 3. Smith's artwork strike me as what Dave Manak's drawings would look like if he was really into anime. It's okay but pretty angular and loose.

The title story continues to drag further and further into uselessness. The “Tails is the Chosen One” plot point returning hardly excites this particular reader. The middle story is cute but pretty dumb. Right now I'm counting down the days until we reach Ian Flynn coming onto the book in issue 160 because this period of Sonic is as dire as I remember. [4/10]