Sonic Underground, Episode 1.02: To Catch a Queen

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.02: To Catch a Queen

Original Air Date: August 31st, 1999

While I have comparatively few memories of watching "Sonic Underground" when it was new, I do vividly recall the first episode I saw. All I really remember about it is a scene of Sonic conquering his fear of water by doing a supersonic leap over an underground stream. This is, I think, the first time I really recall Sonic's inability to swim being characterized as hydrophobia. In other words, this one episode of this dumbass cartoon is partially responsible for this blog being entitled "Hedgehogs Can't Swim." So that's something, I guess.

"To Catch a Queen" was also the second episode to air, so I guess I jumped onto "Sonic Underground" way earlier than I realized. It involves Argus, a former guard to Queen Alena. He's captured by Sleet and Dingo and quickly roboticized. Sonic and his siblings rescue him but their magical medallions only affect him long enough to reveal the partial location of his rendezvous point with the Queen. After a little more digging – and a musical number – they learn that this meeting place is in the sewers. Sleet and Dingo are also aware of this and ambush the triplets underground. 

Roboticization has already come up a lot across these first four episodes. In fact, "To Catch a Queen" reveals the strange fact that Robotnik holds gala unveiling ceremonies for especially prominent Robians. Which really makes no sense, considering one robot slave isn't really worth anymore than another. This is just one way that "Sonic Underground" doesn't really grapple with the existential horrors of roboticization. "SatAM" and the early comics made a point of emphasizing how dehumanizing this process was. It was a major threat always hanging over the heroes. Here, it's just a plot device, a reason for the story relevant Argue to dip in and out of the episode. 

And what about this Argus guy? It's weird that the episode is built around a character we've never seen before and will never see again. Then again, that also describes Sonic, Sonia, and Manic's relationship with their own mother. After seeing a picture of them as babies with Argus, Manic even notes that he doesn't really remember their childhood much. The entire series is built around our heroes trying to reunite with someone they barely remember, that they have no especially deep emotional attachment to. That's weird, right? Just as the last episode did, "To Catch a Queen" teases the triplets with a near-encounter with their mom. Is the whole series going to be like this? Constant, fleeting almost-meetings with a parental unit our protagonists don't even know that well?

There's a reason why the triplets are so fixated on finding this mom they don't actually know. As the theme song says, they made a vow their mother would be found. It's the driving plot point of the whole show. Four episodes deep and I can already tell how static these characters are. Sonic is always annoying his sister with his speed. (His catchphrase of "I'm waiting" is repeated here more often than in "AoStH.") Sonia is always the snooty princess, pining for her boyfriend Bartleby. Manic is always the pickpocket with sticky fingers. Even though the opening three-parter was about the triplets getting over these differences, it doesn't matter. The show designates its cast a couple of personality quirks and that's the extent of their depth. Sonic's fear of water is just another attribute assigned to him, along with his speed and endless desire to find his mom. It's not real growth. 

You can see this static quality in the supporting cast too. Dingo's childish crush on Sonia is referenced again. Yet the real one-note quirk that defines that character is focused on here. Sleet has a device that he zaps Dingo with, which changed his body into whatever shape is required. In this episode, Dingo is morphed into a football-shaped baby, a house fly, a random tipster that kind of looks like a chimpanzee, and Argus. I would imagine such drastic transmutations would be incredibly painful for the guy – not to mention the clear glee Sleet takes in humiliating his partner – but the show plays it for broad comedy. It's certainly horrifying for the viewer to watch, as Dingo's features being stretched over such varying shapes is some primo body horror. 

Sleet and Dingo are the primary antagonists of this episode, with Robotnik taking a back seat. Honestly, I recall that being true of most of "Underground." Sonic and his supposed arch-enemy interact very little in this iteration of the series, as I remember. Which might be why the moment in "To Catch a Queen" that feels the most Sonic-y is when the hedgehog humiliates Robotnik one-on-one. At that ridiculous robot unveiling, Sonic tosses a microphone at Robotnik's head and saws at the stage until it flips over. It's very silly. Despite Garry Chalk's grim bluster, it's a moment more befitting Long John Baldry's Robotnik than Jim Cummings'. Yet at least Sonic and Robotnik are actually in the same room together. 

I guess my "Sonic Underground" reviews will be continuously characterized by me ripping into the song-of-the-day. "Have You Got the 411?," which is performed when the triplets are trying to suss out their mom's location, is typically inane. It still bugs me that a band featuring a guitar and drum set only seems to produce synth pop numbers. "Underground's" song writers continue to rely on repetitive lyrics and simplistic melodies. (A repeated couplet is "I'm looking for someone/Have you got the 411?" Yes, they rhyme "one" with "one.") However, this number is kind of catchy, owing perhaps to its "na-na-nanana-na" backing track. That's more than I can say for the last three musical segments.

Also, the characters go noticeably off-model several times. Sonic and Manic have freakishly long limbs in their first scene, for one example. And I continue to find the mechanical design of this show pretty underwhelming. Argus' aircraft resembles the flying winnebago from "Spaceballs" a bit too much to take it seriously. It's a dumb, lame episode. Not that I'm surprised or anything. I can already feel myself growing numb to "Underground's" mediocrity-bordering-on-badness. By the end of this retrospective, I will presumably feel nothing at all. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.34: Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.34: Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior

Original Air Date: November 24th, 1993

Clearly, the writers of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would just make up random characters to build episodes around, which is why this show introduced so many disposable characters that were never seen again. Yet I often find myself wondering how the writers went about deciding what characters would show up in future episodes. What made Von Schlemmer and Wes Weasly worthier of further appearances than Dr. Warpnik or Katella? As far as I can tell, it was up to the individual writers. Which is probably why Mad Mike and Big Griz, the highly annoying duo known as "Da Bears" introduced in "The Robotnik Express," showed up again later down the line. Doug Booth wrote both episodes and I guess he found these ursine nincompoops especially amusing, or was totally out of other ideas, because he even gave Mad Mike title billing in his second episode. 

"Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior" begins with a rabbit named Updike fleeing from Scratch and Grounder. Apparently, Robotnik has enslaved Updike's cotton-tailed countrymen to carve a mountain into the shape of his face. Robotnik is even denying his slaves food, having littered the path to the mountain with traps. Sonic and Tails recruit Mad Mike and Big Griz to drive a tanker truck full of chili dogs up the mountain. Scratch and Grounder are on their tail, attempting to keep the life-giving substance from reaching its destination. Shenanigans ensue. 

This is another one of those "AoStH" episodes that I would describe as almost totally useless. It's an almost plotless twenty-two minutes. The runtime is filled with increasingly senseless and wacky quasi-comedic encounters, as the characters travel from point-A to point-B. There's a baffling sequence set in a swamp, that concludes with a chili-stuffed alligator falling from the sky onto Scratch and Grounder's heads. Despite being an episode about traveling and driving around in fucking trucks, it's last act is set in an inexplicable medieval castle, which includes a giant robot knight in armor. In order to defeat the knight and save the day, the tanker truck randomly transforms into a dragon. None of it is funny. It's just random, stupid bullshit happening for no reason. Throughout its run, "AoStH" repeatedly mistook wackiness for comedy and that's never been more apparent here. 

Doug Booth built "The Robotnik Express," and Da Bears' entire existence, around a lazy pop culture reference that children would be unlikely to understand. He does it again with "Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior." Yes, this is an extremely vague parody of "The Road Warrior." A tanker truck full of life giving substance recalls the groundbreaking car chase finale of George Miller's 1981 cult hit. One of the many goofy hazards the episode cooks up are a squad of amphibian bikers called "Toad Warriors." (Which actually rhymes with "Road Warrior," unlike this episode's title.) Even though the Mad Max connection is largely dropped by the end, Booth still makes sure to name the knight robot Sir Humongous, as a shout-out  to "Road Warrior's" hockey-mask clad antagonist. 

As parody, it's loose and doesn't really comment on or poke fun at the second "Mad Max" movie in any meaningful way. It's just another example of the kind of lazy pop culture references you'd see in nineties kids media. "Here's a homage to something well known or beloved, because that'll be wacky and random." Not that I'd expect many five-year-olds in 1993 to know what "The Road Warrior" was. (I might've heard the title "Mad Max" at the time but I definitely hadn't seen any of the movies or even knew what they were about.) I wouldn't expect the same kids to get the "SNL" reference of Da Bears either, so I guess Booth just didn't give a shit. He also names a rabbit character Updike, a nod to the "Rabbit, Run" series of novels by John Updike. That's a reference little kids definitely wouldn't get, so I guess Booth just threw these jokes – if you can call them "jokes" – in to amuse himself. 

Truthfully, there are moments in "Da Bear Warrior" that feel kind of inappropriate. And not in the usual "the animators were indulging in an obscure fetish of their's" way this show frequently does. Robotnik enslaves people not with wacky brain pollen or magic microchips but just by capturing them, forcing them to work, and keeping food from them. That feels kind of dark, don't you think? Later, Scratch and Grounder capture Mad Mike and interrogate him, threatening him with bodily torture. That is also a little fucked-up. Sonic saves Mike by dressing up as a German officer with a riding crop, causing Jaleel White to unleash his worst accent yet. He wears a WWI-era Keizer helmet during this, presumably because a Nazi armband would've been a little too on-the-nose. It all feels a little out-of-place. Like, I obviously don't care about offensive jokes or even including adult humor or situations in kids programming. But I don't think the children of 1993 were ready for Nazi jokes, okay? 

There's one joke in "Da Bear Warrior" that made me chuckle a little. While reading a manual on torture – see, that sounds really dark when you type it out! – Scratch mangles several words while pronouncing them out loud. Even illiteracy jokes seem mildly uncool, though not as bad as Sonic goosestepping. Also, this is only the second episode I can think of where Sonic calls Tails "Miles," which was unexpected. Also also, Scratch and Grounder pilot a rocket-powered drilling machine that resembles the Marble Garden boss battle from "Sonic 3..." A game that wasn't out yet when this cartoon was made. It's a lame, frequently shrill episode. Some of the blame lies with the writers but I doubt they were given enough time or money to produce a meaningful product. Oh well. Only seven more of these left... [4/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.31: MacHopper

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.31: MacHopper

Original Air Date: November 10th, 1993

As they did with so many things, "The Simpsons" keenly observed that America had a fleeting fascination with Australia in the eighties and early nineties. Nobody is certain why – maybe it's just because koalas and wallabies are really cute – but the island continent essentially became a meme at one point. From roughly 1981 to 1990, we Yanks just couldn't get enough of Fosters, shrimp on the barbie, and Yahoo Serious. This led to blockbuster movies, Disney sequels, wildly successful pop songs, shampoo brands, and a restaurant chain. Truly, America's Australia-philia never entirely went away, as evident in the careers of the Crocodile Hunter and Russell Crowe. But, by 1993, the fad was mostly over. This did not stop "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" from cashing in with an episode linked to this faded fascination. 

In hopes of capturing Sonic, Robotnik has Scratch and Grounder kidnap MacHopper, a kangaroo bounty hunter. Though a friend of Sonic's, Robotnik brainwashes MacHopper into doing his bidding. Sonic and Tails quickly realize that something is wrong with their accented buddy. A blast of spicy chili is enough to clear out the doctor's programming but only temporarily. Sonic and Tails try to fix their friend's scrambled mind, by getting into Robotnik's fortress and re-zapping him with the brainwashing machine. Yet MacHopper's constantly shifting alliances makes this a perilous journey. 

Once again, "AoStH" presents us with a strong premise. This is essentially an episode about Sonic having a friend he can't trust. We've never met MacHopper before but we are assured he's an old ally of Sonic's. The idea of a friend turning out to be a traitor is powerful enough. Even more intriguing is that it's literally not MacHopper's fault. He has no control over his own actions here. That could've led to even more suspense. From one minute to the next, Sonic doesn't know if MacHopper is friend or foe. He turns on a dime – a metaphor literalized in an early scene – from friendly old pal to Robotnik sleeper agent. It's a good idea for an episode and it's not surprising that "SatAM" and the comic's tried similar story lines. 

But this is "Adventures" we're talking about here, so every good idea is undermined by obnoxious comedy. Let's talk about MacHopper. Yes, he wears a vest and a Crocodile Dundee hat and is another ostensibly male kangaroo with a pouch. He throws a boomerang and says things like "blokes" and "digeridoo." Scott McNeil is trotted out to play the character. Even though McNeil was born in Australia, his Australian accent still sounds fake-as-hell. Easy cultural clichés aside, MacHopper is more annoying than compelling. The show plays his splintered mind for goofy comedy, as he often babbles non-sense and gets comically yanked between two different extremes. It's the show's trademark aggressively wacky style that almost always comes off as more annoying than amusing.

The only thing that can ward off Robotnik's programming is a taste of uber-spicy chili. This leads to multiple scenes of a syringe full of hot meat sauce being rammed into MacHopper's mouth and several shots of characters being tied up with intestine-like ropes of wieners. Suggestive visuals aside, one must really ask: What is with the "Sonic" franchise's chili dog obsession? A quirk invented by Sega of America, Sonic's trademark favorite food has become an ingrained part of his personality, showing up across most "Sonic" media. I assume the idea was to copy the Ninja Turtles' fascination with pizza. It's a good marketing strategy, because kids like pizza and kids like hot dogs. Ergo, kids will like the Turtles and Sonic more for also liking these things. Enjoying childish food linked both series with youth, further emphasizing their statues as totally radical dudes. (Likewise, Sonic liking spicy food also built up his reputation as an x-treme icon.)  

But, as it did with most of the series' early trademarks, "AoStH's" took Sonic's love of his favorite food too far. There's rarely an episode that doesn't at least mention chili dogs. Much like the previous highly unnerving "Too Tall Tails," we have an episode here that builds a whole plot point around con carne-topped frankfurters. Magical powers are attributed to chili and Tails or Sonic repeatedly force-feed it to MacTaggert. Later, after briefly being captured by Robotnik, Sonic asks for one final chili dog as his last request. And those scenes with the hot dog rope features some vividly fleshy animation. The fixation on smothered sausage is way past weird at this point. I've been known to chow down on some bratwursts from time-to-time but this is a little too much. Please, Sonic, eat some spinach or something. You're going to give Tails gout.

All of that aside, "MacHopper" largely doesn't work because, even by the standards of this series, it's a shrill episode. It's blindingly colorful at times. Scratch and Grounder drive a hot-pink submersible vehicle at one point. A bright orange river and waterfall makes a prominent appearance. The fluorescent hills and valleys of Mobius are the setting for most of this half-hour. It's like if Lisa Frank designed Ren and Stimpy. Most of the humor here comes from belligerent zaniness. MacHopper acts weird, Scratch and Grounder act dumb, Sonic and Tails throw together increasingly goofy solutions. There's lots of yelling and chase scenes. Giant plungers are thrown in, because this show is just that desperate for a laugh. By far the strangest moment is a largely plot-irrelevant moment where Robotnik pins up three wanted posters in fifteen seconds, which leaves him utterly winded. This show has made fun of Robotnik's weight before but this moment comes off as especially mean-spirited.

Unsurprisingly, MacHopper is not one of those minor "AoStH" character with a fan-following. (Though, he would've made a good substitute for Walt Wallabe in the post-reboot comic.) He is forgotten, along with the episode that shares his name. How many more of these do I have left? [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.14: The Robotnik Express

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.14: The Robotnik Express

Original Air Date: September 24th, 1993

It's good to know that, even though Robotnik is a tyrannical despot, he still believes in the merits of public transportation. Because we're all about trains today, baby. In "The Robotnik Express," Scratch and Grounder are transporting a shipment of bombs to Robotnik via train. A pair of dim-witted bears, Big Griz and Mad Mike, want to rob the train as a blow against the dictator they hate. Yet these guys are so dumb that they are easily convinced Scratch and Grounder are Sonic and Tails and Sonic and Tails are Scratch and Grounder. Our speedy hero and his two-tailed sidekick have to contend with this double dose of stupid and also stop the train from going over an incomplete bridge and exploding a village. 

The last episode I reviewed involved introducing a character possessing even less intelligence than the dumb-ass robots Sonic usually fools every single episode. "The Robotnik Express," which was produced three episodes after "Big Daddy" but aired directly afterwards, has a similar plot contrivance. With just mere words, Scratch and Grounder convince the bears that they are Sonic and Tails. This is despite the fact that the bears know Sonic is fast and Tails has two tails, qualities Scratch and Grounder clearly do not possess. No wonder Sonic is the hero of Mobius. He seems to be the smartest person on a planet overrun with simpletons.

As I've previously stated, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" is a surreal hellscape were nothing matters but certain events repeat like clockwork every day. Sonic will don multiple disguises every episode and the bad guys will always fall for it. Scratch and Grounder will fuck things up by being morons. It also seems plots about mistaken identities or imposters are going to be incredibly common as well. Yet "The Robotnik Express" is incredibly repetitive even within its own run time. Several different times Big Griz and Mad Mike introduce themselves as Da Bears. This is a reference to the Chicago Bears football team and the Great Lakes dialect common in and around that city, which was made especially famous in the early nineties by a "Saturday Night Live!" sketch.

Why was a children's cartoon referencing regional sports teams and a late-night comedy show aimed at adults? I don't know the answer to that question but I'm going to guess it's because, once again, the writers were lazy and bored. They probably figured shouting out "Da Bears!" might make any adult watching along with their kids chuckle. And then they just kept repeating the joke, because they were bad at comedy. As a then-relevant pop culture gag, it'll come off as totally random and inexplicable to modern, younger viewers. Unless they're from Chicago, I guess. (Mad Mike, despite his hillbilly overalls, also speaks with an Inland Northern accent but Big Griz sounds more like Rocky Balboa for no reason. I'm going to credit that to Gary Chalk having only so many doofus voices in his repertoire.) 

Anyway, that's not interesting. Recently, I've said that Robotnik acts more like an asshole boss who abuses his employees than a brilliant grand director. While Coconuts just wants a promotion, or an attaboy at the very least, Scratch and Grounder desire something more. At the beginning of this episode, the two robots are childishly arguing over who will get to pull the train whistle. Each robot is convinced they are Robotnik's most loved creation, using that exact wording, which gives them authority over the choo-choo. This makes Robotnik an even bigger scumbag. He treats his robots like disposable employees after programming them to love him like he's their father. That's fucked-up, man.

"The Robotnik Express" doesn't just acknowledge love. It also acknowledges death. During an oddly serious moment in this otherwise farcical half-hour, Sonic becomes concerned Tails will be crushed in a train tunnel. The episode also attempts to mine dramatic tension from whether that village of easily panicked buffalo people will be exploded by the falling train. Of course, everything works out okay. But it is a little weird that a cartoon that has no problem crashing its villains into cave roofs or smashing its enemies to pieces would pause to mention mortality at all. I guess the rules of cartoon slapstick invulnerability only apply to bad guys?

Then again, this has always been a show that slingshots between the dumbest, laziest slapstick imaginable and awkward acknowledgment of real life issues. Such as those notorious Sonic Sez edutainment section. This installment of Sonic Sez tells kids not to get into vehicles driven by strangers. Of course, it does this by having a crudely disguised Scratch and Grounder attempt to coerce Tails into a car. (Apparently the bad guys are not the only people susceptible to paper-thin disguises in this universe.) Except Scratch and Grounder just want to capture Tails for Robotnik. Real people trying to grab kids off the streets usually have far more sinister intentions. It's still just so fucking weird that a cartoon this ridiculous tried to educate kids on how not to get kidnapped, raped, or murdered. Surely somebody working on this show felt the disconnect? Or were they all just that focused on getting through the work day? I guess sometimes you just gotta get paid. 

If I made this episode sound interesting, I apologize. It's really rather shit. The animation is bad, the train looking like a child's drawing and Sonic visibly going off-model several times. The only jokes that land is a brief moment where Scratch and Grounder admit their opponent correctly identified their stupidity and Long John Baldry's ability to roll his Rs with extreme gusto. Mostly, the Bears — excuse me, Da Bears — really irritated me. But I guess annoyances are to be expected when you are watching a cartoon made in Hell. [4/10]