TOP 10 OFFICIAL SONIC CHRISTMAS IMAGES

For whatever reason, "Sonic" fans love Christmas. Maybe it's because we all just connect the series to childhood nostalgia around receiving the games and merchandise at the holidays. Maybe Sonic and his friends being fuzzy and huggable makes pairing them up with the coziest holiday of them all is inevitable. Whatever the reason, if you Google "Sonic Christmas art," you get roughly a hundred pieces of festive fan art in the results. Some of these pieces are by artists that have worked on the series in an official capacity, making them practically canon bits of hedgehog-y Christmas cheer.

Probably owing to his status as a corporate mascot, and Sega's desire to sell lots of games or consoles or other miscellaneous crap during the most capitalistic of seasons, Sonic Christmas art is not just a phenomenon among fans. In fact, there's been quite a lot of official "Sonic" art that puts the characters among various holly jolly trappings. And because I want to celebrate the holidays and have absolutely nothing else to write about, I've decided to arbitrarily rank my favorite official Christmas Sonic art this year, with my absolute favorites at the bottom here. 

I am tempted to kick things off with one of those trivia-filled, rambling dissertations that I love so much. Though a character born of a myriad of European folkloric traditions, and thoroughly mutated by American sensibilities, Japan has eagerly adopted Santa Claus. Perhaps it's because the Christian roots of Christmas are largely ignored in an Eastern culture like Japan, allowing secular traditions like Ol' Saint Nick to dominate the holiday's pop culture headspace. Japan has certainly put its own wacky spin the Jolly Old Elf over the decades.

Among these far-flung riffs on the holiday's ultimate symbol has been lots of images of Sonic in the famous red suit and hat. Maybe putting Sonic in a Santa suit is just too irresistible an image. Perhaps it's the hedgehog's speedy status that makes him a good match for Santa garb. Of these many pieces of art, my favorite is probably this one, originally published in Harmony, the  newsletter published strictly for Sega's employees in the nineties. (And later, more famously, collected in 1996 as part of a screensaver program.) I like the image of Sonic leaping over a snowy city with a big sack full of gifts on his back. He looks so happy to be delivering gifts!

Since 2005, Sega of Japan has run Sonic Channel, a website devoted entirely to providing updates on everyone's favorite blue hedgehog related franchise. Lots of neat bits of promotional tie-ins have filtered out from this site. Here in the English language Sonic-sphere, Sonic Channel is best known for the monthly art uploaded to the site, much of it provided by Yui Karasuno. Due to these pieces being updated monthly, they frequently tie-in with the holidays and events that occur at the time. Which means quite a lot of super cute Christmas art comes from this avenue. 

The first of this illustration I want to highlight is from Christmas 2020 and was actually created originally for the Life in Sonic's World art book. It depicts an utterly adorable seasonal scene: Silver, while dressed as Santa, uses his telekinesis to fill a set of stockings presumably belonging to the napping Chao on the floor in front of the fireplace. Their toys and coloring pages are strewn on the floor before them, while little references to the rest of the franchise are on the tree, via Christmas ornaments featuring Big the Cat and a Chaos Emerald. It's a moment of pure domesticity, exuding warmth and nostalgia. Which is perfectly suitable for Christmas and maybe for the Sonic series too, even if I don't have much nostalgia for these particular characters. 

Other examples of Sonic Channel art you see circulating on social media all the time are the little monthly character portraits. These are still coming out every month and here's proof of that. This particular image here literally just came out this month. But how fucking cute is this, right? Metal Sonic is, by design, not the cuddliest cast member of this particular series. One imagines he wouldn't react with much appreciation – or at all – to a Christmas gift. To actually see that scenario play out is highly amusing though. Especially when the gift is a little plush doll of Sonic, the robot's often sought enemy. It's funny that a machine that is, by design, emotionless can express so much with just the angle of his face. In this case: Bemusement.

One of the joys of the Sonic Channel art is getting to see the “Sonic” cast members in different clothes and situations than you'd see in the video games or comics. It's clear that the artists behind these images really enjoys dressing the different characters in various cute little outfits. So, yes, of course, that means putting Rouge in a sexy Santa skirt for a Christmas image. That would probably be enough to make this memorable. The bat's body language is full of poise and attitude, as always. Yet what really seals this one for me is that the tree is decorated extensively with Rouge's favorite thing: Shiny jewels. If we are to assume that Christmas exist in Sonic's world, Rogue decorating her tree in such a manner is canon in my eyes. 

Sega once made an entire Christmas-themed sequel to “NiGHTS Into Dreams.” There have been at least one Halloween themed level in a “Sonic” game, alongside numerous snow and ice themed levels. All of this makes it surprising that there's never be a straight-up Christmas themed stage in any of the Sonic games. Yet, if one where to exist, it would probably look a lot like what we see in this image. Sonic grinding down candy cane patterned rails around festively festooned Christmas trees while snow falls overhead would surely be features in such a level. This painting shoves in as much holiday iconography as possible. Bells, ribbons, stockings, bulbs, lights, candy canes, Santa hats, gifts, holly sprig. As well as a lot of Sonic imagery, like Omochao, Sonic's shoes, a Chaos Emerald. I don't know about the giant billiard balls but otherwise this looks like a lot of fun. 

If you thought that Silver image was adorable, get a load of this shit. Ya know, we don't imagine gruff, cynical Shadow getting much into Christmas. He's pretty much the opposite of a sentimental guy and that means he would probably reject the most sentimental holiday. What this image suggests is a scenario where Shadow sits down to take a little nap, after a hard day of fighting robots or Chaos-Controlling or whatever it is he does. It seems his little Chao friend took it upon himself to decorate Shadow with seasonal accessories while he sleeps, including about to pin a Santa-like mustache on his snoozing face. It's cute as fuck and, when you think about how Shadow will react once he wakes up, it becomes pretty funny too. 

Last December, Sega sold a “Sonic”-themed Ugly Christmas sweater and mug – perfect for hot cocoa! – through their website. The sweater and mug where pretty fucking adorable and I wish I could've bought one or the other. Yet this quick little image assembled to promote the duo is even more delightful. Sonic is holding what I'm assuming is a carol book and wearing a sweater with Eggman's face on it. That raises some interesting questions. But what's really delightful about this one is how happy Sonic looks. Look at that smile! Pleased as punch to sell schlock with his face on it. What a consummate pitchman. I want to buy six now.

We are not done talking about napping yet. As cute as the previous images focused on curling up and passing out around the tree were, this one takes the cake. Sonic sleeps in a comfy chair, in the glow of the Christmas tree, with a Chao and a warm blanket on his chest. There's some plates and forks near-by, suggesting they probably just filled up with Christmas cake and passed right out. The little drawings on the frost on the windows makes this all the more precious. God, it looks so fucking cozy! If Christmas is fundamentally a holiday rooted in warm memories of home and childhood, this particular image really captured that.

My number two pick here, which is a much older image, invokes a lot of the same feelings. It has that warm glow to it, of gathering around the Christmas tree for a totally relaxed evening at home... Except there's a weird twist to this one that makes it all the more intriguing. First off, Sonic is alone inside his home(?), with his modest little tree. There's what appears to be a bottle of wine and a champagne glass on the table before him. If sipping on an adult beverage seems like an uncharacteristic behavior for Sonic, he's also sitting on a coach and reading a book, another very laidback activity for someone associated with speed. 

But that's just the most front-forward sign that something isn't off with this image. Beneath a massive, ominously yellow moon, Tails peers in through the window at his mentor. What exactly is going on here? The Christmas tree and the barren mountain tops in the distance implies the chilling cold of December outside this cozy home. Why is Tails outside looking in? Did he track Sonic down, in some sort of obsessive stalker scenario? The big, slightly unnerving smile on the little fox's face seems to imply that. The inverted smirk on Sonic's face, which suggest he's kind of grouchy in this moment, implies that maybe he was annoyed by Tails and threw him out.

They say a picture is worth a million words and, I guess, this is an image that really makes you wonder. Obviously, the weird or slightly unsettling undertones to this one is why I love it. Or maybe it's just a random hodgepodge of elements, thrown together to be marketable, that we weren't supposed to think about too hard. 

This image went low-key viral when it was new and, holy shit, how could it not? A Christmas card circulated among Sega staff in 2009, it's a deeply baffling and powerful image. Sonic, Bayonetta, and a xenomorph from the “Alien” series – three characters with wildly contrasting styles that appeal to totally different audiences – sitting in front of a festive fireplace, wearing Christmas sweaters would be enough for most artists. Yet this postcard goes even further. Bayonetta's hair is done up like a Christmas tree, topped with a star. She holds one of the “Super Monkey Ball' primates, bundled up like the Christ child, in what appears to be a wrapping paper/stocking combo. 

Sonic and Bayonetta smile with absolute glee while the xenomorph – who wears a Santa cap on the end of its phallic head, naturally – snarls. Is the alien monster smiling too? Or is he greatly annoyed to be here? Is the monster a minute away from attacking the other characters? Or is this as tranquil a gathering as can be expected between a seven foot tall dominatrix witch, two wacky cartoon animals, and a rape demon from outer space? I like to think it's the latter, truthfully. Because that's funnier to me. I think the xenomorph is wearing jeans too? And the angle suggests that the stool Sonic is sitting on is like five feet tall. The more I stare at this postcard, the more secrets it reveals. 

And with that, I'll sign off for tonight. Thank you for everyone who read Hedgehogs Can't Swim in the last year. Sorry I missed so many updates. I'll try and do better next year. I'm going to go ahead and start my coverage of “Sonic Prime” on Monday, hopefully. If you're celebrating this weekend, I hope everything goes swimmingly and you have a wonderful holiday. And if you're not celebrating, have a good one anyway because, if you're reading my words, obviously you're a way past cool dude. 

TEN THINGS WE WANT TO SEE IN THE KNUCKLES SHOW!

As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, Paramount Studios has announced that, in addition to continuing the “Sonic the Hedgehog” film series, they also plan on doing a “Knuckles the Echidna” show for their Paramount+ streaming service. This, of course, is a hugely exciting announcement for everyone here at Hedgehogs Can’t Swim. Knuckles has probably been my second favorite “Sonic” for many years. Not only will everyone’s favorite grumpy echidna be sexily voiced by Idris Elba, there will now be an entire season of television devoted to his adventures.

If you’re reading this blog, you know what a convoluted spiderweb the “Sonic” multi-media franchise is. That means there are many different sources this streaming series will be able to pull. So it’s time for some baseless nerd speculation. Here’s my top ten things I hope to see in the Paramount+ “Knuckles” show!

10. Rouge the Bat!

From her debut in 2001, Rouge the Bat was designed as a foil for Knuckles. Her obsession with jewels puts her at odds with the Master Emerald protecting echidna. Moreover, her flirtatious manner and tendency to do her own things puts her at odds with the naïve, honor-bound Knuckles. She’s the Catwoman to his Batman and the two have played off each other nicely in the games, comics, and cartoon shows. It only makes sense that Rouge will be a part of a “Knuckles” show, for all of these reasons and more. I can’t wait to see the seductive she-bat strutting her stuff in CGI.

9. More Tom!

When it was first announced that Sonic would have a live action buddy in the first movie, taking screen time away from our beloved Blue Blur and focusing precious minutes on some fucking rando, I was skeptical. Luckily, as soon as the thundering kettle pot of charisma that is James Marsden was cast, I put all concerns aside. Tom Wachowski immediately became a beloved member of the “Sonic” supporting cast. And while we don’t know the exact direction this “Knuckles” show is taking just yet, it would be a blunder of titanic proportions to continue to set stories in the Live Action Sonic Universe and not devote at least a fifty episode arc to everyone’s favorite small town law enforcement officer.

8. Locke!

If you’re a longtime reader of this blog, you know that the Archie “Sonic” comics are, by far, my favorite iteration of the entire franchise. In the comics, Knuckles soon developed a convoluted backstory of his own, rich with supporting characters and an entire network of family members. Obviously, this material would be great for an on-going show to pull from. Once Paramount cuts Ken Penders a check and agree to his assuredly reasonable stipulations, it means the most beloved and important of Knuckles’ supporting characters can appear: Locke, his dad! Oh, I can’t wait to see Knuckles be guided from the shadows by a wise and powerful father figure who respects his boundaries and wants the best for him! Let’s get, like, Patrick Stewart or someone like that to voice him. That shit would be so cash.

7. Chomps!

If you’re a slightly less longtime reader of this blog, you know that Knuckles’ first appearance in a non-video game, non-comic book was the animated series “Sonic Underground.” “Underground” made many changes and additions to known “Sonic” lore, all of which was brilliant and totally fit in with the established characters. Among the most enjoyable of these additions was the totally-not-coke-induced choice to give Knuckles a pet dinosaur named Chomps. Come on, who doesn’t love dinosaurs? Are you going to look me in the eyes and say you genuinely believe that this series wouldn’t be improve by giving Knuckles a dinosaur friend to follow him around? Because if you are, I’m going to spit in your face and call you a goddamn liar. 

6. Knuckles joins Starfleet!

Alright, I know this is getting a little conceptual, but hear me out. Paramount making the “Sonic” films such a prominent part of their IP library makes it clear that they value this series. The other biggest franchise Paramount has is, of course, beloved and influential science fiction series “Star Trek.” Now, in the film universe, Sonic and Knuckles are explicitly from other planets. They have been referred to as aliens. Is it too much of a stretch to have space alien Knuckles the Echidna encounter a Starfleet away team across his adventures among the stars? Is it really outrageous to think that the structure of Starfleet life and the goal of exploring the galaxy would give meaning and foundation to Knuckles’ wandering life? Would it be insane to think about him having a baby with Tasha Yar? Hell, Ken Penders used to write “Star Trek” comics too, so let’s invite him along and really make a truly logical and out-of-this-world crossover! 

5. TIME TRAVEL, BABY!

Of course, I know what you’re thinking: “Integrating Knuckles with the “Star Trek” universe — and having him wear a cool, high-neck uniform — makes all the sense in the world… Except the “Sonic” movie universe is ostensibly set in the modern day, but “Star Trek” takes place in the 23rd century!” Well, there’s an easy solution to this problem! Implement everyone’s favorite “Star Trek” plot device: Time travel! Whose to say that the warp rings that the “Sonic” movie characters use to traverse space don’t also travel through time? I mean, where in the movies does it directly contradict that statement? You don’t know, they might do that! And once we cross the boundaries of time travel, the canvas of adventures Knuckles can have become truly limitless! Maybe him and a hot Gorn female can go back in time and fight in the Roman Colosseum, sail with Columbus across the ocean and colonize the Americas, punch Hitler in the face, and debate ethics with Andrew Jackson. Shit, maybe they go back to dinosaur times and that’s how Chomps gets into the show??? It’s all coming full circle, baby!

4. Knuckles runs for President!

We don’t want the “Knuckles” series to just be bursting with creative ideas, I want it to be socially relevant too. And what better way for this series to address the woes of American society than have Knuckles run for political office! Obviously, after retiring from Starfleet, he returns to Green Hills and finds it local politicians to be hopelessly corrupt. Riding a wave of populist policy and forward-thinking strategies to root out corruption and protect and reward hard-working Americans, Knuckles’ political career takes off like a rocket. He ascends through local offices, into congress, and is soon after the White House itself! Obviously, Knuckles will struggle with having to balance his personal beliefs and the realities of the two-party system in America. It all comes crashing down when everyone realizes Knuckles wasn’t even born on this planet and isn’t an American citizen, making him unable to hold the highest office in the land. But what a ride it’ll be. What a ride.

3. Knuckles goes to high school!

And after a teenage echidna goes on a whirlwind race through the American political system, what do you do for an encore? Why, go back to school, of course! Knuckles is canonically sixteen years old, which would put him right in the middle of American high school. Can you imagine the hijinks that would ensue! Knuckles having to balance his life as guardian of the Master Emerald with doing homework! What if one of the many enemies he’s made were to attack while he had a really big test to do? Maybe he forgets his lunch back on the Floating Island and has to race back to get it before the principal finds out! And all of that is excluding Knuckles dealing with the deadliest danger of all: Dating! It’ll be fun for the whole family! 

2. The Chaotix

I mean, duh. Of course these guys have to show up eventually. I mean, the game was called “KNUCKLES’ Chaotix, after all! It’s just naturally that these goofballs will appear sooner rather than later. 

1. Knuckles gives me, personally, a hug

Finally, this last idea is completely non-negotiable. I demand that, at some point within the “Knuckles” streaming series, he breaks the fourth wall, looks directly into the camera, and says that he’s proud of me. This will proceed a scene where Knuckles lands on my door steps, walks up to me, and gives me a big hug. Not one of those quick over-the-shoulder things. I’m talking a full-on hug here, with both arms, that lasts a minimum of at least two minutes. Idris will whispers in my ear that it’s okay, everything will be alright now. Maybe I cry a little. I don’t think this is unreasonable. People love it when tough guys show their sensitive side, it’ll be huge! I won’t tell you where the bodies are buried until you agree to do this.

Weird Sonic Stuff I Want for Christmas

As a franchise that has existed for over twenty years, “Sonic the Hedgehog” has produced a lot of  tie-in products. Considering Sonic was from the beginning, and continues to be, kind of a weird series, it's not surprising that some of these tie-in products are a little funky. A bit strange, ya know what I mean? My personal “Sonic” collection is pretty modest, as far as these things go. Aside from my nearly complete Archie Sonic collection, I have a handful of figures, some old plushes, and all my original Genesis games. But that's it. Nothing too special. 

If money and space were no object, I would absolutely own a bunch of weird “Sonic” shit. In the spirit of the Christmas season, to celebrate this most capitalistic of American traditions, I've decided to list eight strange bits of “Sonic” merchandise that I sure would like Santa Claus to bring me this year. 

8. Japanese Sonic Curry!

This is the most “basic bitch” of my picks tonight. Back in 2018, this officially licensed Japanese curry product went viral. Yes, it was basically an easily prepared meal of rice and bright blue curry, that the diner was encouraged to shape into the general outline of Sonic's head. While many found the bright blue color of the curry disturbing, those who actually ate the product described it as relatively tasty... Though with the unsightly side effect of staining your bowl movements bright blue. But that's a small price to pay for getting a chance to say you ate, digested, and shitted Sonic the Hedgehog. 

The Sonic curry doesn't seem to be readily available anymore but, if you do stumble across a package, it's probably safer to eat than a can of Franco-American Sonic pasta would be. 

7. Sonic Dance Power CDs!

In Europe, Sonic seems have experienced a similar life cycle to what he had here in America. That is to say: While the series has survived thanks to die-hard fans, the franchise has never reached the heights of its early-to-mid-nineties popularity. At the same time Sonic was arguably the most popular and beloved video game character, another pop culture trend was blazing its way through Europe: Electronic dance music! 

In 1995, some genius in the Netherlands had the idea to mash up these two fads. The result was the “Sonic Dance Power” series of CDs. The “Sonic” connection usually extended no further than the front of the CD cases. Sonic and friends would grace the covers, sometimes depicted as stock art and sometimes brought to life by slightly off-model original illustration. Musically, the songs had nothing to do with Sonic and were a random collection of then popular dance numbers. 

If you look at the songs, only a few names jump out as recognizable. Genuine star acts – Bobby Brown, Aaliyah, Coolio, the Backstreet Boys, Blackstreet, the Prodigy – stand alongside Eurodance one-hit-wonders – Corona, Rednex, Haddaway, Captain Jack, Scatman John, the Outhere Brothers – and a bunch of other acts I've never heard of. Scanning the track list, I even see techno remixes of familiar songs like “Colors of the Wind,” “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” “The X-Files” theme song and even “Hava Nagila!” 

As fascinating a collision of nineties pop culture debris as this is, an interest in Eurodance is not the main reason I'd like to own the Sonic Dance Power CDs. It's because some of these songs are notoriously vulgar. “Lick It" by 20 Fingers is an ode to oral sex. “I Wanna Be a Hippy” by Technohead expounds on the joys of marijuana use. “Useless Man” by Minty features a string of naughty words. Several tracks from a group calling themselves Tokyo Ghetto Pussy were featured. That is simply hilarious. And, considering volume eight was packaged with a demo for 'Sonic & Knuckles Collection,” we can assume this was all officially licensed by Sega. Boy, they were really asleep at the wheel at the time!

6. French Sonic figurines!

There have been a lot of “Sonic” figurines produced over the years. Usually, the line-up doesn't extend too far beyond Sonic and his most famous video game pals. If you find a toy of Big the Cat or some of the classic Badniks, that's a rare discovery. In 1997, the French company Feve produced a series of “Sonic” figures made of fine china. While Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and the “AoStH” version of Robotnik were present in this line, there were a few deeper cuts too. Such as a Flicky – which is brown, despite being named as a bluebird – a Burrobot, and obscure animal friend Ricky the Squirrel... Who is identified as Sally Acorn. While the paint applications are pretty spotty, I'd still love to own these rare items. They pop on eBay occasionally, at high prices. 

5. Sonic Bubble Bath Bottles!

You might be noticing a reoccurring theme with my wish list here... Around 1995, USA cosmetic company Avon released a trio of “Sonic” themed shampoo/conditioners for kids. Each bottle was topped with a soft plastic “finger puppet” toy. This included Sonic, Knuckles, and Sally. As any longtime Archie Sonic/SatAM fan knows, merchandise of Sally is extremely rare. I'm not sure how Avon went about selecting her, but I'm guessing they hoped to appeal to girls as much as boys with this product line. And Sally was more prominent in the franchise at the time than Amy Rose was. The finger puppet of Sally has slightly dead eyes and a weird mouth but still looks pretty good. 

People online are all too aware of the mixture of rarity and fan devotion around these characters, which is why a bottle of the Sally shampoo is currently selling on eBay for 750 dollars. Will some rich furry drop a hard-earned chunk of cash on a bit of rubber? Probably. (The Knuckles and Sonic ones are pretty cool looking too.)

4. Sonic the Fighter Plushes!

Like I said, if you're a “Sonic” collector who is devoted to just collecting likenesses of the blue hedgehog, Tails, or Knuckles, you could easily fill an entire room with the various toys and stuffed animals based on them. (And some people have done just that.) But, if you're like me and are equally interested in the more obscure cast members, you'll have a lot more trouble finding much merchandise for them... With a few exceptions. When “Sonic the Fighter” was released in Japan in 1997, plush toys of each of the game's characters were released. They were available exclusively through “UFO Catchers,” which were basically fancy claw machines. 

So, yes, plushies of Bark the Bear, Bean the Duck, Nack the Weasel, and Espio the Chameleon were produced. Which is pretty cool. They look adorable and I'd love to have one. I've never seen one go up for sale but I imagine they would sell for a lot. 

3. Restaurant displays!

It may not surprise you to read that it's just not obscure movies and blue hedgehogs that I'm obsessed with. Yes, I do have a soft spot for restaurant advertising ephemera. Especially with anything related to my nostalgia for childhood Happy Meals and similar things. I was obsessed with Happy Meal toys as a kid, collecting them with a hunger far more ravenous than I had for any cheeseburgers. Whenever visiting the lobby of the fast food palace, I always ran up to the Happy Meal toy display. These often placed the toys and figures in elaborate play sets, often resembling whatever show or movie the characters originated in.

For the “Sonic the Hedgehog 3” tie-in – obviously among my favorite of any Happy Meal prizes – McDonalds put together a beautiful display based on the first level of “Sonic 3.” There's a cliff, a beach, some vines, and a palm tree that even includes a hiding Monkey Boy Badnik. I can't tell you how much I would've loved to have owned a display like this as a kid, that I could've marched my Sonic toys around. My own personal Castle Greyskull for tiny Sega shenanigans. 

Also, when Denny's was selling a pair of plushes based on the “Underground” versions of Sonic and Knuckles, they also had a pretty neat lobby display. Not as cool as the McDonald's one, owing to it being a lot less toyetic, but still kind of neat. These items also occasionally get listed on eBay, with absurd price tags attached. 

2. Sonic Obama Backpack!

Being a widely recognized pop culture icon, lots of bootleg and knock-off Sonic merchandise has surfaced over the years. Some time late last decade, a mysterious image appeared online. It displayed a backpack printed with a picture of a badly mis-colored classic Sonic. A number 10 was on his belly. Above his head were the words “Harry Potter.” To his left, in big letters, was “OBAMA.” This image was so baffling that it couldn't help but immediately become a meme. Why would a bootlegger randomly mash up these three ingredients? If they were just attempting to throw together three popular things, why include Sonic, who was far past his peak popularity by the time Barack Hussein got elected? If you were going to pick Sonic, why go with the classic design for similar reasons? 

Nobody knows where the Obama-Harry-Potter-Sonic image originated from. Nobody has ever been able to procure an actual specimen of this notorious item, though replications can be easily found. The mystery of why the Sonic Obama backpack was made, or where it came from, is only further elevated by the question of if it even existing in the first place. Obviously, if someone was able to get their hands on an original one of these backpacks, it would be the proud centerpiece of any “Sonic” collection.

1. The Sega World Sydney Relics!

One of these days I'm going to have to talk in more detail about Sega World Sydney, a doomed in-door amusement park Sega owned and operated in Australia's most opera-house-adjacent city. Or, at least, I would talk about it if the theme park's Quixotic existence hadn't been well documented in several other places around the internet. For a hyper-nerdy breed of “Sonic” fan, Sega World Sydney is especially a point of fascination. Alongside the usual suspects, Princess Sally was one of the mascot characters of the park. If you're reading this, you probably already know that this twist of fate is what saved the character during Archie Comic's “Endgame” story arc from Ken Penders' cruel whims.

Sally's prominent placement in this destined-to-failed enterprise came with it a great deal of merchandise. For Archie Sonic fanatics, these items have become much desired Holy Grails. An incredibly ugly plush was produced of our favorite princess, with a hand puppet seemingly being made based off the same design. A collectible water bottle allowed hardcore fans the opportunity to drink liquids right out of Princess Sally's head. A bendy action figure is probably the coolest of these Sally relics. Her likeness also graced entrance cards, cardboard cups, and T-shirts. As you've probably guessed, this stuff has become highly sought after collector's items and goes for astronomical prices on eBay. 

Sega was so sure that Princess Sally could be the Minnie Mouse of their private Disney Land, they even produced a life-sized costume for park employees to roam around in. Which was also utilized in a live musical based on “Sonic” that was performed in the park, something I'm definitely going to write about for this blog some day. Most prominently of all was the  life-sized statues of Sonic and Sally that greeted every customer who visited the park. Three years ago, a fan discovered the remains of the statues – or one of the statues anyway – moldering in an Australian junk yard. There have been few updates since then. 

Anyway, those are eight “Sonic” related pieces of junks I'd like to own but probably never will. Thanks for reading! Moreover, thanks for sticking with Hedgehogs Can't Swim through this tumultuous year and the blog's recent lack of updates! I've currently got updates banked up through March, so I'm guaranteed to keep posting until at least then. In the meanwhile, Merry Christmas and happy holidays. If you are reading this, I'm glad you survived 2020. Let's keep going into the scary future together. 

7 MIND-BLOWING Facts About Sonic That Will RUIN Your CHILDHOOD!!!

1. He was almost a rabbit!

Yep, it's true. Sega considered a number of potential animals when designing their mascot hero! Before the company decided on a hedgehog, they floated around ideas like Teddy Rossevalt in pajamas – which eventually became Eggman! – and a bunny rabbit! The idea is that the rabbit would pick up enemies with its ears! (This mechanic would later be reused for Ristar, another Genesis-era platformer!) Thankfully, saner heads intervened and we got our cool, blue, hedgehog hero! Just as God intended! But if he had been a harmless white bunny, wouldn't that have just been the WORST?!!

2. He's not as fast as you think!

The song, after all, proclaims that Sonic rolls around at the speed of sound. But consider this. If Sonic were to accelerate to the speed of sound – 3840 mils per hour! – he would be hit with up to 34 G-forces! This would cause all the blood to immediately retreat from his head eyes, leading to him loosing the ability to see color! Next, as blood was further pushed from his head by the encroaching speed, he'd pass out! Which would be even worst because, if he were to come to a sudden stop at that speed, his internal organs and bones would slam at the speed of sound with his skin and anything else. Leading to the Blue Blur becoming a Blue Slurry of blood and guts. Isn't your childhood SMASHED by this information?!

3. He's a cyclops!

Look into Sonic's eyes. Really look into them. Examine those orbs. Consider them. And then, woe onto you, consider the fact that he doesn't have two distinct eyes. Yes, it is true. Sonic only have one giant eye, two irises kept inside one massive ocular cavity and not entirely separated by a sloping eyelid. It is undeniably true that Sonic is just like Polyphemus of the ancient Greek myths, a godless abomination with but one single eye! Isn't your childhood absolutely fucking WRECKED?!!

4. He's unemployed!

Yep, it's an undeniable truth of the universe, an indisputable fact. Sonic has never held steady employment in his entire life! This little free-loading hedgehog has never felt the satisfying dampness of sweat on his brow, earned from a long day of honest labor! This lazy little guy has never even stacked boxes or picked up trash for a living. He just runs from place to place, sucking time and money from more prosperous people! Truly, your nostalgic remembrance are just completely DESTROYED now, aren't they?

5. SatAM is an Illuminati psyop!

Consider the evidence. The Illuminati, the secret controllers of our world, are honor-bound to pepper wider popular culture with hidden minutes and hints to their existence, in order to brainwash the public into more easily accepting being ruled by them! The Saturday morning cartoon iteration of “Sonic the Hedgehog” is littered with occult symbolism, evidence of the Satanic masters that manipulate our society from behind the scenes! Sonic and the heroes, the characters the audience is expected to emphasize with, freely use magic to accomplish their goals! Just like WITCHES! And look at Sonic's head! Is that three triangles – symbolic of the all-seeing eye of Horus, the Illuminati emblem – I spy? It's right there in the name of the series! “SatAM” is, after all, just one letter off from SATAN!!!! Hey, I bet your childhood is in TATTERS right now!

6. He watches you always

Why do you think Sonic needs one giant eyeball for? Because he's watching you. He sees you when you are asleep. Standing over your bed, watching you slumber. He sees you while you eat. While you are in the shower. Even now, Sonic is watching. His gaze is always set on you, just you, and never interrupted. Knowing that your favorite cartoon animal superhero is constantly violating your privacy and invading your personal space must SURELY change everything you thought was true about your childhood?!!

7. He could have stopped your parents' divorce but chose not to, to teach you a lesson

That's right. Sonic is well aware that your parents broke up when you were only a child, shattering any sense of stability you once felt. You thought Mom and Dad would always be there for you, supporting you through everything. Instead, they just started fighting a lot and then you had two Christmases from then on. Your whole life, you've struggled to find that feeling of safety you had in those simpler times, ripped away from you forever.

Sonic was there. He could've stopped it. He could've been a liaison between Mom and Dad, helped them talked out their issues. Helped them figure out those irreconcilable differences. But he didn't. Because you were such a snot-nosed brat. Such a greedy, selfish child. You needed to be brought down a peg or two. Doesn't that just completely SHATTER your childhood?!

Top Ten Spookiest Sonic Moments!

I'm a pretty big horror fan. It's probably come up before. If you read my movie review blog, you know horror is easily my favorite cinematic genre. Right now, I'm on the penultimate day of a six week long marathon of horror movies and TV shows I do every September and October. I even wrote a book of horror stories. The points is: I like things that are scary, spooky, creepy, and weird.

My interest in horror and my “Sonic the Hedgehog” fandom don't cross over very often. As a franchise pitched at kids, the many incarnations of “Sonic” rarely have any reason to approach horrific topics. Occasionally though, something will emerge from the “Sonic” universe that nears creepiness. The series has never been scary, in my opinion, but every once in a while it is mildly spooky. In order to celebrate Halloween – objectively the only good holiday – I've compiled a list below of what I think are the spookiest “Sonic” moments, across as many medias as possible. Me being who I am, the bent here is towards the classic era. If there's anything you felt should've been included, let me know in the comments.

One disclaimer though: I'm sticking strictly to official, Sega-approved “Sonic” stuff. No fan fiction or fan art. And especially no “Sonic” creepypastas, all of which are stupid, un-scary bullshit.

10. Pumpkin Hill Zone

There's actually nothing scary about Pumpkin Hill Zone, one of Knuckles' levels from “Sonic Adventure 2.” However, there's no way I'm doing a Halloween-themed list of “Sonic” stuff without mentioning this level. It is, in fact, an entire Halloween themed stage. Mountains loom in the distance, their peaks carved into massive Jack O' Lanterns, that stare ominously. Tombstones litter the area, among industrial looking machinery and gothic bridges. The enemies, meanwhile, are primarily ghosts. There have been a few other haunted house themed “Sonic” stages over the years but this is the best one. It's a shame that rap soundtrack ruins the atmosphere. I'd recommend muting the stage music and putting on a spooky sounds tape instead.

9. Perfect Chaos

The final boss battle in the majority of Sonic games are a fairly intense affair. The stomping, massive robot that Robotnik pilots in “Sonic and Knuckles” is certainly a runner-up for the title of “scariest final boss.” Yet Perfect Chaos gets the nod for a  couple of reason. First off, the cut scenes of the massive monster flooding Station Square was definitely one of “Sonic Adventure's” most suspenseful affairs. The monster's giant size and mad starring eyes bring some Lovecraftian abominations to mind. The wrecked cities are certainly a grimmer sight than you might expect too. It all adds up to make a pretty spooky affair.

8. "Sonic's Scream Test"

I'm not a huge fan of “Sonic X,” especially when it comes to the ear-splitting English dub. However, I will give some props to the nineteenth episode of the first season. The plot concerns Sonic and friends exploring a haunted castle, the filming location for Chris' Mom's latest movie. Soon, ghostly spectres begin to fuck everybody's shit up.

The ghosts drag people through doors and even possess living beings. This is foreshadowed when Chris' Mom's reflection turns weird on her, starring suddenly at the audience. Later, Amy gets possessed too. In probably the only example of a jump scare on this show, Amy Rose's eyelids clamp up like a machine, revealing demonic eyes and a ghoulish grin. She then floats a few inches above the ground, pursuing her friends.

This is still “Sonic X,” so the ghosts are easily defeated and have silly faces. However, I can imagine this really freaking out the five-to-seven crowd this show was designed for. If nothing else, I'll give the writers and animators points for going there. The Archie comic that followed on this episode was also pretty good.

7. Giant Robotno

The “Giant Robotno” story, which appeared in Sonic Super Special #12, is a fairly obscure bit of “Sonic” lore. It's also the only example of straight-up body horror I can think from a “Sonic” comic. Sonic visits an alternate universe where his friends and family have been transformed into giant monsters. The sight of Sonic's friends and family being mutated into giant, hideous monstrosity is certainly off-putting. The artwork is goofy but effectively gross too. That the story concludes with Sonic tearing out the heart of the kaiju version of his dad continues the grim, unsettling tone this tale has.

6. "Sonic's Nightmare"

“Sonic's Nightmare” is a pretty good episode of SatAM. The Freedom Fighters attempt to thwart a plan by Robotnik to create acid rain. In the process, Sally, Bunnie, and Antoine get captured, forcing Sonic to rescue them. That stuff is pretty cool but it's not what fans really remember about this one. As the title indicates, Sonic is haunted throughout the episode by a nightmare. In his dream, he races through a thunder storm, gets his feet stuck in mud, witnesses Sally getting shoved into a Robotocizer, and then falls to his death. All the way, Sally's mocking voice rings in his head.

That's mildly spooky, as far as Saturday morning is concerned. The second reprise of the nightmare is especially creepy. In that dream, we actually see Sally turned into machine. She watches in terror as her limbs are replaced by machinery. Lastly, her face and hair lurched in horror as she changes. Before totally becoming a robot, Kath Soucie gives us her best blood curdling scream. Chew on that, you fucking six-year-old.

5. Super Sonic in “Sonic the Comic”

Sonic fans are pathetically meek, I've found. Most of the shit listed on the franchise's TV Troupes Nightmare Fuel page is weak sauce to a hardened horror fan like myself. But I'll give the editors of that site bonus points for including one aspect. In the video games and American comics, Super Sonic is just Sonic's super-powered form, activated whenever he grabs enough rings or Chaos Emeralds.

In the U.K. published “Sonic the Comic,” Super Sonic is a psychotic alternate personality of the hero. It's Sonic without any self-control or morals. I would never call the character spooky but, for those used to Sonic's light-hearted and heroic antics, this Super Sonic is certainly a shocking sight. That he's topped off with mad, red spirals for eyes sells it for me.

4. Ghosts in Sandopolis Zone

If Pumpkin Hill Zone is the first explicitly Halloween-themed “Sonic” stage, “Sandopolis Zone” from “Sonic and Knuckles” is the first explicitly spooky Sonic stage. I'm talking about the second half of the zone. After Sonic enters a giant pyramid, the player discovers that the lights in the zone will dim if you don't periodically activate a lantern. Once the lights go out, white sheet ghosts will appear above you. If the stage grows entirely dark, the ghosts grow devil horns and attack you. This shit was pretty freaky to me as a kid. The ghosts certainly make a stage that is already maze-like and difficult to navigate even more nerve wracking.

3. Creepy Faces in Sonic CD

“Sonic CD” was a game that included a number of secrets and hidden pictures. Buried within the game was a very peculiar image. The black and blue background shows repeated images of Sonic with the distorted, grinning face of mustachioed old man. In the forefront of the image is some Japanese text, undecipherable to most of us. Some fans have translated this message as being signed with the phrase “Majin,” a Japanese word for demon. In other words: This is a personal message from the devil himself.

What really makes this Easter egg especially spooky is the music. The genuinely eerie “Sonic CD” boss theme plays over this secret screen. That music includes throbbing low synth, discordant chimes, and a reverberating evil laugh. Imagine being a kid and stumbling upon this shit! The odd image, when paired with the creepy music, easily makes this one of the spookiest Sonic moments.

2. Sally's Death in “Endgame”

Let's do some role playing. It's March of 1997. You're nine years old. You're a devoted reader of Archie's “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic book, which continues the story that began on the Saturday morning cartoon show you fell in love with a few years earlier. Princess Sally has awoken strange feelings that aren't entirely understood inside readers all around the world.

Anyway, you open up issue 47 of the series and, within a few pages, you're greeted to the image of your beloved princess falling to her death. The artwork lingers on her descent, on her impact with the ground. Her body goes limp. Later in the book, the other characters weep at her apparent death. Yes, “Endgame” is a story line with considerable baggage, with Sally's seeming death being undone before it was over. But that page devoted to her fall? Pretty startling stuff for a “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic book.

1. The Drowning Music and the Advancing Wall of Doom

As the title of this blog indicates, Sonic the Hedgehog can't swim, at least not in the Sega video games. The original trilogy for the Sega Genesis made this fact especially evident by peppering the games with underwater stages. As Sonic sank towards the ground, moving slowly in the water, chimes occasionally pinged in the background. If enough passed, the most terrifying fucking music in the history of video games would began playing. A countdown flashed on screen, the soundtrack frantically pounding away at your ears. The message was clear: Get your ass to an air bubble poste hast or fucking die, shithead. You didn't always make it.

The only thing that could make Sonic drowning to death more upsetting is when underwater stages were paired with the advancing wall of doom. I'm thinking of stuff like the boss portion of Labyrinth Zone or the beginning of Hydro City: Act 2. Now you have to deal with utter death coming at you from one direction while the threat of drowning hangs over your head. I swear to God, this is the reason why I developed anxiety problems as a kid.


This is my favorite time of year, faithful Hedgehogs Can't Swim readers. Tomorrow, watch as many damn horror movies as you can, dress up, eat shit tons of candy, and embrace the spookiest day of the year. It only comes once a year so make the Devil proud! From my morbid heart to yours: Happy Halloween!