Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.45: Super Robotnik

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.45: Super Robotnik

Original Air Date: November 5th, 1993

Previously, while reviewing "Over the Hill Hero" and "Blank-Headed Eagle," I wondered if the writers of this show just wanted to make a superhero spoof instead. I am forced to consider this question again as "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" returned to the superhero parody well a third time with "Super Robotnik." (Also, this is the only episode to air in the same order it was produced, meaning it's the 45th entry in the watch-order regardless of which one you go with. There's your totally useless Sonic trivia of the day...)

While cleaning out one of Robotnik's laboratories, Coconuts spills some chemicals in a bath tub. Soon afterwards, Dr. Robotnik falls headfirst into the mixture. At first angry, he soon realizes that the accidental formula has given him spectacular superpowers. (Prompting him to promote Coconuts and demote Scratch and Grounder.) Dubbing himself Super Robotnik, he immediately tosses Sonic and Tails into the frozen tundra before capturing all of Mobius' political leaders. After Sonic thaws out, Super Robotnik then challenges him to a gladiatorial trial that will determine the future of the planet. Naturally, Super Robotnik has no intention of playing fair. Luckily, Tails did some recon and discovered that Super Robotnik has a weak spot: His ass, the only part of him that wasn't bathed in the chemical. But will the butt-invading powder Von Schlemmer cooked up kick-in in time to save Mobius? 

In its previous jabs at the superhero genre, "AoStH" parroted the nineties credo that traditional superheroics were to be belittled, or where at least kind of lame. "Super Robotnik" features a far-more biting – and almost definitely accidental – insight into the capes genre. Super Robotnik has all the abilities we associate with Superman, that most iconic of superheroes: Self-propelled flight, physics-breaking strength, x-ray vision, heat vision, super breath, super-hearing, super-sight etc etc. (Though he still can't see through Sonic's paper-thin disguises.) But Robotnik is a wannabe dictator and immediately uses his powers to subjugate the world's governments to his will. Which seems to suggest that such all-encompassing superpowers are inherently fascist. Characters like Superman, no matter how altruistic they act, teach the lesson that might makes right and that self-appointed all-powerful "protectors" know what is best for us. By comparing the tyrannical Robotnik with Superman, the show suggests the unavoidable problematic subtext of all superhero media. 

Obviously, the writers didn't intend any of this and were just goofing in another piece of hyper-familiar boomer media. But that's never stopped me from reading too much into this show before. Speaking of which! I've mentioned before that Coconuts' desperate attempts to win his horrible boss' approval is a great metaphor for the common worker's struggle under capitalism. In this episode, Coconuts actually achieves his goal: He gets that promotion from his boss, gaining the love and respect he's always craved. Scratch and Grounder, meanwhile, are switched into the role of abused, humiliated underlings through no fault of their own. In one especially on-the-nose scene, the duo wreck and humiliate each other for a chance to literally pamper their boss' ass! Coconuts' breakthrough was an accident, Robotnik's decisions are made randomly, and Scratch and Grounder's attempts-to-please are absurd. What a great depiction of how ridiculous the entire boss/employer dynamic is. That Scratch and Grounder's tell the depowered Robotnik to essentially take this job and shove it in the final scene suggests this subtext wasn't wholly accidental. 

That ass-kissing scene is just one example of how unpleasantly glutinous-centric this episode is. "AoStH's" rubbery cartoon physics has often veered towards accidental body-horror. The scenes here of Robotnik growing sudden muscles, enlarging his ear, or extending his eyeball like a telescope absolutely fall into that category. (Though at least we are saved from seeing Sonic get pumped-up, even after Von Schlemmer builds him an elaborate exercise machine.) The moment Robotnik sits on a nail, revealing his ass is his weak spot, is especially bizarre. It leads to a Robotnik talking about his ass, referring to it as his "unmentionable" and his "caboose." Scratch and Grounder then dress in drag and yank the nail out with an oversized pair of tweezers specifically designed to remove nails from asses. The focus is on Robotnik's agonized face the whole time. This whole sequence feels like a disturbing cross between a prostate exam joke and somebody's fetish. Considering a later scene has Sonic bouncing off an elephant lady's matronly bosom, I'm just going to assume the "AoStH" writers were getting horny-on-main again. Though I will give the writers some credit for including a totally unexpected reference to Greek mythology there, even if they turn it into a butt joke.

But enough about butts. Let's talk about Mobius' unstable political structure. Providing definitive proof that Robotnik is only trying to take over the world in this universe, we learn that Mobius has a number of elected officials from all over the world. The strangest thing is they all look the same, their designs being vaguely Seussian. (And kind of Rabbinical? The Sonic Wiki also feels the need to point out that they have no legs.) This suggests Mobius' leadership is homogeneous, in both its appearance and incompetence. Even though a super-powered tyrant is literally flying around the globe, a gathering of the world's leaders do not deem extra security a necessary step. No wonder they have to rely on Sonic to stop Robotnik. They even say they're doomed without the blue hedgehog around! The more I watch this series, the more dysfunctional its setting becomes. 

Then again, maybe the world's governments have no need for armies, considering a throwaway gag during the last act reveals that God is real in "AoStH" universe and actively intercedes from time to time. Yes, after an angel is knocked out of the clouds by a thrown prop, it later zaps Robotnik with a lighting bolt after he's de-powered. This raises a lot of questions that this dumbass show is in no way prepared to answer. How come the forces of Heaven never intervene in Mobius' affair? Why did the powers of the angels above not attempt to stop Robotnik sooner? Do they only care about earthly affairs when they directly collide with the heavenly kingdom? Were they afraid of Super Robotnik? Are Sonic and Robotnik more powerful than God? Why is it the dumb-ass, one-off sight gags that always raise the most terrifying connotations on this show?

It's a good thing there's so much unintentionally interesting/disquieting content in this episode. Otherwise, it's just another lame half-hour of "AoStH." The animation is weirdly expressive in a few scenes, especially the very beginning, but just as half-assed and choppy as usual the rest of the time. The "American Gladiators" references at the end – Sonic and Robotnik roll around in big hamster balls – is another one of the show's pop culture signifiers that were relevant at the time but will only mystify younger modern viewers. When the jokes are lame and the story is thin, you'll have to excuse me for lingering on the accidental elements. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.40: Zoobotnik

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.40: Zoobotnik

Original Air Date: October 8th, 1993

As I've pointed out before, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" contributed roughly a hundred new characters to "Sonic" lore, as the writers would often throw some random numbskull into the stew to generate a new story. Most of these characters were never seen again and are forgotten by all but the most hardcore "Sonic" obsessives. However, a few would become small-time cult favorites. The comics resurrected Von Schlemmer, Wes Weasly, and Breezie to minor acclaim. Breezie, being a female Sonic character, was already a point of fixation for a few fans. The other minor "AoStH" character to be fondly recalled by some psychos is Katella, for reasons that will become all too obvious in a minute. Her only appearance is in "Zoobotnik," an episode I'm not sure I've ever seen before. 

Fuzzy animal people and other assorted weirdos all over the planet Mobius are disappearing. Sonic at first dismisses this news as media sensationalism but changes his tune after Tails is snatched right in front of him. After Coconuts spies a UFO, Robotnik soon deduces that Katella the Huntress is responsible. She is an intergalactically renowned alien, who collects creatures from different planets and imprisoned them in a space zoo. Robotnik invites her to dinner in hopes of forming a partnership. This works too well, as Katella immediately falls in love with Robotnik, smitten with his evilness. She's actually too much woman for Robotnik to handle but he tasks her with catching Sonic anyway. Sonic soon realizes he can use Robotnik's psychotic would-be fiancée to his advantage. 

Mostly as a joke, I've made repeated comments about how "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" accidentally triggered a hundred fetishes in budding young furries, "Zoobotnik" suggests the fetish-y undertones were never an accident. Katella is a realistic looking cartoon woman, far more vividly animated than most of the show's characters. She's about seven feet tall with blazing red hair, Christina Hendricks-ian proportions, and a smoky voice. Her standard outfit is a low-cut jungle woman dress and blue high heels. Other costume changes include a bikini bottomed conga outfit and a low-cut wedding dress. Surprising absolutely no one, Katella has spawned a mountain of fan art, some of it rather clever, most of it way too thirsty to share here. 

The occasional horny character design is not totally unknown within nineties kids cartoons, because these shows were all drawn by lonely nerds. But Katella really takes it further than that. She's a thinly veiled dominatrix. The episode's central joke is that her affection for Robotnik is so overwhelming, she physically smothers him with attention. She's constantly beating him, sometimes unintentionally and sometimes intentionally, which he doesn't enjoy. More than once, she's depicted squeezing his head between her legs or putting him in a chokehold. A series of frames are focused on her heels, which trampled on Scratch and Grounder, who are transformed into a welcome mat. Robotnik even refers to her as an "Amazon" while Katella talks about "wrasslin'" with him. Her violent actions, collecting habit, sudden attraction to big fat stupid Robotnik, and domineering personality all make the sexual preferences of the people who made this episode clear. Kids would never catch this stuff but anyone with a passing familiarity with porn – so every adult alive now – would recognize the intent behind these moments. Yeah, the show runners definitely got horny on main with this one.

Wholly inappropriate horniness aside, "Zoobotnik" remains a very strange episode. Every single installment of "Adventures" features Robotnik being humiliated but this one is laser-focused on it. The central joke could have been funny, as Robotnik desires control but Katella undermines that at every turn. However, the show repeats this gag – a terrifying woman loving Robotnik so much, she kicks his ass every minute – until it loses all value. After a while, it just looks like the writers thought spousal abuse was inherently hilarious. (I was hoping we'd get a tin-earned "Sonic Sez" about domestic violence but, nah, the writers focus on an unrelated moral about being cautious around strange animals.) 

And it's not like we've never seen Robotnik emasculated by a frightening woman before... Something this episode is all too aware, as it ends with Momma Robotnik stepping in and fighting Katella. She doesn't want her son marrying some space bimbo, causing the two ghastly women in Robotnik's life to duke it out. Katella isn't willing to put up with such a horrid mother-in-law, bringing this episode to an end. (Sonic called Momma Robotnik, so he's partially responsible for resolving the story even if it mostly wraps itself up.) As if this episode couldn't get any more uncomfortable, we have an extended cat fight between two unnecessarily busty characters. Katella and Momma Robotnik represent opposite ends of the dominating woman spectrum, proven by Momma Robotnik ending the episode by spanking her son. But I really don't want to talk about this anymore. 

Anyway, let's change the subject please. Alien abduction was a point of cultural fascination in the nineties! Even before "The X-Files" got huge, abductee stories and Roswell conspiracies were common in that decade. "Zoobotnik" is this show's spin on that topic. Katella's saucer even resembles the infamous Phoenix Lights sighting that would occur in 1997. But an alien collecting other species is a not-uncommon sci-fi trope. (The Archie Sonic comics would do their own riff on the idea two years later.) While this is ostensibly the premise of the episode, the focus soon turns more towards Katella beating the shit out of Robotnik. We never even see Katella's zoo and the premise is really just an excuse to get this wildly out-of-place character on the show. 

The extreme weirdness of this episode continues throughout. The style of gags are a different breed of zaniness than usual. Sonic runs into a swami on a mountain and an obese Tarzan lookalike throughout the episode. The Mobians we see in this episode look like more traditional funny animal characters, very at-odds with this show's usual style. The character animation is, in general, far stretchier than usual. Katella bends Robotnik into all sorts of goopy shapes. Sonic and Tails stretch and squash and squat throughout in disturbingly vivid ways. While Katella is realistically animated otherwise, even she gets squished into a heart shape a few times. The final scene features Tails flying around with Sonic's ass clenched in his teeth, a gag that raises a number of extremely distressing implications. 

In other words, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" continues to find new ways to baffle me. This is another aggressively weird, off-putting episode that manages to be aggressively weird and off-putting in markedly different ways than the previously aggressively weird and off-putting episodes. I can see why it's memorable, even beyond the obvious fan service appeal of Katella. It's not like any other bit of "Sonic" media out there, even within this very odd iteration of the franchise. Even though I didn't enjoy this, on account of it making my skin crawl continuously through its twenty-minute run time, it's too unforgettable for me not to give it a middlingly positive score. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.15: Too Tall Tails

 

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.15: Too Tall Tails

Original Air Date: October 5th, 1993

Here's another aggressively wacky episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" with a far too convoluted premise. Robotnik kidnaps and tortures – sigh – Professor Von Schlemmer, in order to steal his Gizmo Gas creation. Scratch and Grounder fuck it up and accidentally release the gas over the countryside. After a day of making Coconuts eat shit, Sonic and Tails travel to Wienerville for lunch. No, not the obscure Nickelodeon show but rather a town occupied with anthropomorphic bratwursts. There, Tails accidentally soaks in the gas and grows to giant size. With a newly unquenchable appetite, Tails wrecks the town. Robotnik shows up to turn the sausage-y town folks against the giant fox. (He also bribes them with tacky Dollar Store presents.) Sonic must rescue Von Schlemmer and go on a quest to retrieve the one object that can reverse Tails' condition, before Robotnik destroys him. I got tired typing all that out.

Yes, dear readers, this is another one of those "AoStH" that makes me question my lifelong commitment to the "Sonic" franchise. You could look at this episode and try to ask sensible questions. Why is there a town occupied with walking, talking hot dogs on Mobius? Furthermore, why is their community famous for making especially tasty non-walking, non-talking hot dogs? Are the wieners the residents of Wienerville make and sell made from the same substance as them? Do the hot dog people... excrete these edible dogs in some way? If not, why are these meat-like entities comfortable with selling food to tourists that is in their own image? It would be really weird to find a town famous for sandwiches shaped like the people who live there. You probably wouldn't want to stop there. 

And that's not even getting into why Von Schlemmer invented growing gas. Or why the antidote is a magical garlic flower protected by an inexplicable dragon. Once again, Von Schlemmer's inventions happily dances over the line separating science and magic. And what the fuck did Robotnik plan on doing with this gas anyway? It certainly has offensive applications. Why didn't the episode run with that instead? Robotnik turning gullible small-town bumpkins against Sonic and Tails is a totally solid premise for an episode but it's just one idea included in this collage of inexplicable nonsense. Lastly, why does Tails eat roughly a hundred chili dogs this episode but Sonic touches not a single one, when they are supposed to be his trademark favorite food?

No, no, only madness lies down that path. When faced with absolute lunacy, asking "why" will lead to your own doom. Simply accept the absurdity you are witnessing. Let it wash over you, like a William Burroughs novel or a dosing of LSD in the high school prom punch. Accept that nothing about this makes sense. Besides, we all know the real answer: That the writers were just trying to dump out the wackiest premise possible, as quickly as possible, knowing their audience of ADHD-addled youngsters wouldn't care about any of the disturbing questions these gags raise. Only humorless man-children would watch this stupid bullshit and try to figure out the deeper implications.

"Why is any of this happening?" is the incorrect question to ask. The correct question to ask is "How many people have jerked-off to this?" It's a long running joke that the "Sonic" franchise invented furry depravity and it's almost true. Watching "Too Tall Tails" is like playing a game of Bingo with creepy Internet paraphilias. Tails growing giant brings macrophilia too mind, while his bulging belly invokes inflation fetish. His endless hunger and frequent belches remind you of feederism. There's a joke where Sonic makes Scratch and Grounder pose and flex their suddenly bulging muscles, pleasing folks with muscle kinks. They are specifically described as being sweaty afterwards. Before any of this happens, Robotnik takes off Von Schlemmer's shoes and tickles his unnecessarily detailed feet. (Also unnecessarily detailed: Robotnik's ass through his pants.) Is it possible that I'm just a sick freak whose mind is completely corrupted? Well, yes, absolutely. But it's impossible these days to watch these innocent gags and not be reminded of the kinks they inspired. 

Through the discomfort, confusion, and anger this episode causes, one moment comes together to actually make a degree of sense. After retrieving the magical garlic clove that will undo Tails' condition from a sleeping dragon, Sonic runs through a series of booby traps. These include a giant swinging ball and large spikes poking up through the ground. For one second, my brain snapped out of the stupor this episode had sunk me into to shout "Hey, like in the video game!" I have no doubt this was an intentional shout-back to the games this cartoon was ostensibly created to promote, an increasingly rare event as we've slipped deeper into the "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" quagmire.

I wouldn't be so irritated and baffled by this show's extremely loose and random cartoon logic if it actually managed to make me laugh. Coconuts slams into several walls of varying thickness early on. Scratch and Grounder are tricked by Sonic and crash a shitty car afterwards. (Specifically designated as a DeLorian, another then-relevant pop culture reference that will only confuse the whipper-snappers, who associate DeLorians more with time travel than financial ruin.) Robotnik gets frozen with an ice ray. There's random, blink-and-miss-it shout-outs to Elvis and umbrella hats. But these aren't really jokes. They're just things that happen. And it goes without saying that I find Von Schlemmer incredibly annoying, though thankfully he's not in too many scenes. A moment where he mixes up the word "antidote" and "anecdote" made me audibly groan.

Again, who is the fool here? The person who wrote an episode involving humanoid sausages or the man asking for logic or fine-tuned comedy from them? The answer to that question is self-evident. Once more, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" has defeated me. Trying to parse the interior logic, narrative pacing, or analytical value from this show has done nothing but make my brain hurt. I can say no more other than "yep, this is a cartoon that definitely exist." [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.27. Boogey-Mania

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.27. Boogey-Mania

Original Air Date: September 22nd, 1993

Let’s just dive right into this one. “Boogey-Mania” begins with Sonic and Tails camping in the woods. They are then joined by a phantasmatic clown, who Tails seems delighted by... Until he steals his chili dog. The duo follows the rogue trickster to a cave, where they discover Professor Von Schlemmer. The clown is the result of Von Schlemmer’s latest invention: a machine that can turn dreams into physical reality. Eager to earn the respect of the boss that hates him, Coconuts — who was spying on Sonic and Tails — reports back to Robotnik. Robotnik has Scratch and Grounder successfully steal the machine and capture Von Schlemmer. The villain then uses the machine to create a boogeyman from his own nightmares. Robotnik uses this elaborate bugbear under his control to terrorize the countryside. Sonic and Tails then uses another device of Von Schlemmer’s to enter a fantastical dream realm, in hopes of finding an answer. That answer turns out to be having Tails eat a bunch of junk food and then conjure his own, far more frightening boogeyman to defeat Robotnik’s creature. Got all that? Jesus Christ, this is a 22-minute cartoon.

I think I’ve been going about this retrospective all wrong. I’ve been approaching “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” as if it was a normal cartoon with traditional critical metrics to examine. I’ve been watching this show and asking questions like “Is the narrative compelling?” “Did it make me laugh?” “Are the characters interesting or nuanced?” “Does the plot make sense?” This has made the show incredibly difficult to review, which might explain why I’ve had to take, like, three breaks. 

Instead, I need to look at “AoStH” the same way I look at the films of Al Adamson or YouTube Finger Family videos. This show is an extended act of Dadaism, designed to willingly baffle and irritate. Certain patterns repeat every episode but the stories, fundamentally, do not matter or follow any sort of logical rules. The show isn’t really funny, the laughs that cohere being flukes of the algorithms that birthed this thing. The bright colors and annoying voices that do emerge are meant only as stimulation for young children or the very high. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” is a work of aggressive, obnoxious surrealism that is a result of a world gone mad, at the chaos and over-stimulation of modern, urban life at the end of the 20th century. 

I don’t think the writers and animators of this cartoon set out to create a work of post-modern surrealism. They were just a bunch of old guys who looked at some wacky Japanese video game and had no idea what to make of it. They were working under tight deadlines and with meager budgets to produce a commercial product. They had no higher artistic aspirations. They assumed the show was a piece of utterly disposable pop culture debris that no one would be seriously looking at twenty years later. They were mostly right but that combination of laziness, cheapness, and desperation accidentally produced a brain-melting drug trip. 

In other words, “Boogey-Mania” is the episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” that finally broke me. The previous metric I’ve been using to discuss this program is flawed. I must change or I’ll never get this fucking project done. 

With that established, what do I have to say about “Boogey-Mania?” Von Schlemmer is terrible. Because of the fucked-up differences between the production order and air order, this is the first time the character has appeared but not his introductory episode. So Sonic and Tails act like they’ve met this eccentric inventor before. If you remember the revulsion I felt towards his comic counterpart, you’ll be happy to know it only increases in response to the animated original. Visually, he has one of the most grotesque and unappealing designs out of an entire show full of grotesque and unappealing characters. His ability to invent logic-breaking devices is a result of the show’s laissez-faire surrealism, so that’s a big whatever. His other gimmick — forgetting what he’s talking about mid-conversation and saying some lulz rand0m bullshit — is just terrible. I hate him so much. Flynn really chose to out this guy in the comic book over Griff or Ari?

This episode is also our more-or-less introduction to Coconuts. He’s appeared in small roles a few times but this is the first time the robot monkey has really had a personality or an effect on the plot. While Von Schlemmer is simply terrible, there’s something endearingly pathetic about Coconuts. He’s desperate to get Robotnik’s approval, to earn a promotion or be told he’s doing a good job. Even though Coconuts is actually smarter and more resourceful than the always-doomed-to-fail Scratch and Grounder, Robotnik has nothing but contempt for Coconuts. 

Is this not a metaphor for the modern American worker, caught in an intrinsically unfair and unbeatable system? Tricked into striving for a totally unattainable dream by a social caste that despises him, that only shovels shit on top of him for reasons completely beyond his control? It’s not but let’s just pretend it is. Robotnik even has Coconuts doing demeaning, hard labor like cleaning out the sewage system. Truly, this robot just needs the right comrade to come along and radicalize him. 

Examining “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” as a work of nightmarish imagery is especially easy in light of this episode. A show that is, on the default level, a day-glo spew of insanity explicitly addressing the anti-logic of dreams is a license to go completely batshit. The sequence set within DreamsVille are absolutely mad. After Coconut arrives, he lands atop what looks like the combination of an enormous skateboard and a piece of belly button lint. An angry sasquatch appears. A multi-armed switchboard operator is among this sequence's more logical touches. Of course, there's a shout-out to Salvador Dali, who is increasingly looking like the biggest influence on this whole show. What makes the baffling quality of this dream trip even more perplexing is that it has no effect on the story at all. Our heroes could've come up with a solution to their problems without stepping a toe into the cuckoo wacky dream land.

If I remember nothing else about "Boogey-Mania," I'll remember the fucking Dream Clown. This episode aired three years after the television mini-series adaptation of Stephen King's “IT” was first broadcast. While I doubt Pennywise the Dancing Clown and a child-devouring eldritch abomination living under New England was on the writer's mind at all, I can't help but think of it. The opening scene has a clown appearing in a place a clown should not be. The child, Tails in this case, is still delighted by his wacky antics, too young to pick up on the inherent wrongness of this scenario. Luckily, the clown just steals his hot dog, instead of eating him, but the scene is still mildly unnerving. Even Sonic seems pretty put-off by the random trickster.

This episode is notable for another reason: It is the half-hour that gifted the world with PINGAS. Yes, this is where that two second sound bite of Robotnik saying “Snooping as usual,” which kind of sounds like he's saying “penis” if you speed it up a bit, originates from. Ah, where would the world be without internet humor? Honestly, it's odd that this moment is the one the internet seized on, considering “Boogey-Mania” is full of baffling, bizarre scenes. The episode is pretty painful and unfunny but I'm too terrified and perplexed not to be a little impressed. [6/10]