Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.13: Full-Tilt Tails

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.13: Full-Tilt Tails

Original Air Date: November 12, 1993

Sometimes I have no good introductions for these reviews, so let's just jump right in this time. "Full Tilt Tails" begins with Robotnik robbing a whole village of their useless junk, only for Sonic to defraud him in turn. Enraged, the doctor unveils his latest invention: Speed-Mint gum, a chewing gum that grants its chewer speed greater than even Sonic's. Grounder successfully test-runs it but, because he's an idiot, he immediately loses it. Tails, who has been testing his own speed of late, accidentally picks up the gum. Granted amazing speed, the fox attempts Sonic-like feats of heroics but discovers it's harder than it looks.

Throughout the early "Sonic" franchise, there was a reoccurring fascination with Tails' potential greatness. Ben Hurst's unrealized season three plans supposedly included exploring Tails' capacity for greatness. An early Archie "Sonic" story involved Tails gaining advanced intelligence after eating a magical apple. "Full Tilt Tails" follows a similar pattern but this time one that directly plays on Tails' insecurities. Tails looks up to Sonic. He wants to be like him and that includes being super-fast on foot. (Never mind that Tails has no trouble keeping up with Sonic via his flight.) But I get it. The kid wants to be just like Sonic. That's a potentially rich vein to explore and a unique angle on it, since soon his mechanical skills would become Tails' defining characteristic.

Surprisingly, considering what show we are talking about here, "Full Tilt Tails" actually runs with this idea. Tails wants to be just like Sonic and the speed gum gives him that potential. But Tails lacks the experience Sonic has, causing him to make mistakes. He gets his foot caught in a train track, nearly getting flattened in the process. His attempt to play hero has him pissing off a parachuting daredevil and nearly getting beaten by an enraged biker. Ya see, kids, with great power comes great responsibility and Tails soon learns that. Superpowers don't make you a hero. The ability to use them in the responsible way makes you a hero. For a show usually more concerned with underachieving slapstick, I'm sort of surprised this episode delivers a coherent moral like that.

After Tails loses the gum and the corresponding superspeed, Sonic makes sure to give him a pep talk. That he's great just the way he is. But an earlier scene really calls into question how good of a mentor Sonic is. After he gets super-speed, Sonic says Tails shouldn't show off... But Tails points out that he shows off all the time. And he's right! Maybe you should teach more by example than words, Sonic. This makes you realize that someone can't really be a kid's cool older brother, best buddy, and his wise teacher. This episode doesn't explore the fact that a cool dude with 'tude probably isn't the best mentor. But I wish more "Sonic" media explored the weird inequalities in Sonic and Tails' relationship. It seems like a juicy story angle. 

Another element elevating this episode is that the Speed Mint gum is a genuinely cool invention. Across the various games, comics, and cartoons, Robotnik has invented many robots that try to be as fast as Sonic. A few times, he's even made attempts to drain Sonic's speed from him. But this is the only instance I can think of where Robotnik has tried to replicate Sonic's speed. The process to manufacture the speed gum is so arduous, that only this one strip exists. But imagine if Robotnik could mass-produce the gum! Imagine whole fleets of super-fast SWATBots. Mobius would fall in hours and Sonic would be overwhelmed soon enough. Let me tell ya, the world is just waiting for a grim-dark reboot of this show.

So it's a surprisingly solid episode but there's one weird thing about it. The first five-ish minutes have almost nothing to do with the rest of the episode. Robotnik decides he wants to kick back and relax with some petty burglary, before Sonic tricks him into trading all the stolen junk for gold-painted chili beans. Robotnik blames Coconuts, who has no further role in this episode, before attempting to crush some country-bumpkins with a rockslide. Sonic easily navigated the traps set out for him, defeats Robotnik, and saves the citizen. All of this is totally unrelated to the gum plot involving Tails. It really feels like the script was a few minutes short, forcing the writers to throw together this largely unrelated opening. 

It's strange but, considering my low expectations for this show, it's not enough to distract from an above-average episode. You'd think the "Sonic Sez" segment would expound on this personal responsibility theme but, nah, it goes with an anti-smoking lesson. Because tobacco and the predatory corporations and the FDA apparently exist on Mobius. Anyway, this is the fiftieth episode of this show I've reviewed and I still have fifteen left. If all the installments were on the same amicable level at this one, which focuses more in actual storytelling than obnoxious slapstick, this trip would've been less painful. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.29: Robotnik Jr.

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.29: Robotnik Jr.

Original Air Date: October 22nd, 1993

We're thirty-six reviews into this thing and I haven't once mentioned Bohbot Entertainment. That's the company that syndicated "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" during its original nineties US run. Their logo – the name of the company on a sparkling marquee flashing across the screen – used to proceed every "AoStH" episode. I had managed to forget about this totally, because most copies of the show on the internet no longer feature this logo. However, for whatever reason, the version of "Robotnik Jr." I just watched does feature the Bohbot Entertainment logo. And it caused a wave of nostalgia to wash over me. 

Turns out, Bohbot distributed a number of garbage and not-so-garbage shows I watched as a kid. For every minor cult classic they had a hand in – like "Mighty Max," "Jumanji," or "Extreme Ghostbusters" – they also released a totally forgotten trash show like "Skysurfer Strike Force" or "Princess Gwenevere and the Jewel Riders." Nevertheless, I do recall their block of action cartoons, it aired on Sunday morning around here, with some fondness. That's how I saw "Double Dragons," "Ultraforce," "King Arthur and the Knights of Justice," "Street Sharks," "Extreme Dinosaurs" and many more. None of these shows were that good but they distracted me for a few hours from my depressing childhood. While I'm certain I saw the Bohbot logo attached to many shows, "Sonic" is the one I most associate it with. So its presence triggers some specific recollections in me. 

Sorry for that rambling, unrelated introduction. Let's get on with the actual review. After another disappointing attempt from Scratch and Grounder to catch Sonic, involving the unfortunately named "Super Sonic Sucking Ray," Robotnik decides to build better help. He makes a son, a small robotic duplicate, that he dubs Robotnik Jr. A smart-ass juvenile delinquent, Junior is a chip off the old block and helps in the attempts to smash Sonic. However, after the hedgehog saves him from a jealous Scratch and Grounder, Junior has a change of heart. 

Because of the fucked-up order these aired in, we've already met post-reform Junior. Considering how low-key fascinating Robotnik's disturbing relationship with his own mother is, I was really hoping we'd get a glimpse of something similar in his relationship with his robotic son. Instead, the episode turns the doctor and his quasi-offspring into a parody of traditional father/son bonding. Whenever Junior acts out, via spray painting his dad's ass or pelting him with spitballs, Robotnik is not annoyed but proud. When Junior hot wires his Egg-O-Matic, he's overwhelmed with glee. Their camping trip involves asphalting a park. It's only when Junior begins spending time with goody-goody Sonic that dad gets concerned, an admittedly pretty funny spin on the old "hanging out with the wrong crowd" worry. These reversals aren't exactly biting parodies of the hang-ups of male parenting but they are cleverer than what I expected. 

Mildly interesting as their relationship is, the episode still can't make Junior that compelling a character. When being a little shit around his dad, he's just a little shit and no more interesting than any of the other minor villains in this show. His change-of-heart could've provided some weight, a sudden moral awakening at dad's evil acts. Instead, Sonic rescues Junior from Scratch and Grounder and, in the next scene, he's as good as he once was bad. Like a switch was flipped. Then again, what can we expect from a twenty-one minute cartoon that has to pack in twenty lame gags and a moral? ("Peer pressure is bad" being that moral, by the way.)

I wish there was more focus on Scratch and Grounder's jealousy of Junior. It's already established that the two bots see Robotnik as their dad and are desperate to receive his approval. When Junior comes along, he's immediately loved and accepted, no matter how shitty his behavior is. That must enraged Scratch and Grounder, who have had to struggle to get even a nod from their "dad." It makes absolute sense that they'd try and kill Junior by kicking him into a cement mixer. Yet the episode never focuses on their feelings or the ramifications of their actions. I mean, no shit. Fratricide is too dark for any kids show and this is a little-to-no-effort expended comedy program. But I was hoping "AoStH" would accidentally stumble onto something interesting there. No dice. 

Even though it's not that good, this episode did make me laugh twice. At one point, there's a sudden scene transition involving Robotnik's mustache spinning around the screen. That caught me off-guard. Robotnik switching gears suddenly from "let's kill Sonic" to "let's go camping" also got a snort out of me. Of minor historical interest is the scene were Sonic has to inhale bubbles underwater to keep from drowning, an element taken from the game. This occurs in close vicinity to the word "labyrinth," so it's another likely reference to the first game's infamous aquatic stage. (Sonic doesn't swim in this episode, instead super-spinning through the water. Doesn't count!) The "Sonic Sez" also features Sonic eating a hot dog with no chili, a most disturbing sight indeed. 

For those brief moments of amusement, "Robotnik Jr." gets a [6/10], even if it probably deserves a five instead. 

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.38: Sonic the Matchmaker

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.38: Sonic the Matchmaker

Original Air Date: October 13th, 1993

"Sonic the Matchmaker" is another rare episode of "Adventures" that displays a bit of continuity, bringing back two characters from previous episodes. (Sort of. More on that in a minute.) Robotnik desires companionship and decides to build himself a robot wife. In order to make sure she doesn't betray him like previous creations, he orders Scratch and Grounder to retrieve two of those rebellious machines: Breezie and Robotnik Jr. After Breezie is snatched on live television, Sonic and Tails set off to rescue her and Junior. While in captivity, Junior develops a crush on Breezie, asking for Tails' help to win the hedgehog-bot's heart. With his bride in tow, Robotnik decides to destroy a village's water supply on his honeymoon, bringing these divergent plot points together. 

Yes, once again, my decision to watch "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" in its original air order has fucked things up. This episode takes place after Robotnik Jr.'s introduction in "Robotnik Jr.," the twenty-ninth episode produced. This installment even features clips from that earlier episode. Despite that, whatever screwheads decided the airing order put this one before its proper prequel. I'm sure that confused some kids in 1993, so I guess it's fitting that I accurately recreate that frustration now. (Also, I'm pretty sure I said Breezie's introduction in "Lovesick Sonic" was her sole appearance, totally forgetting about this later episode. So I double fucked-up here.)

But anyway, let's discuss something more important: The sex drives of these cartoon characters. After they are late for dinner, Robotnik demands that Scratch and Grounder make him happy, an unnerving double entendre that I assumed was unintentional... Until a few minutes later, when Robotnik confirms that he is in fact talking about romantic companionship. He soon builds himself a "Bride of Frankenstein"-inspired wife named Omletta. And if you thought the writers were being coy with the adult implications of this, Grounder makes sure to note that Robotnik's robo-bride is fucking stacked. So we are forced to face an unpleasant truth: Robotnik can get horny and is willing to build a robot to help resolve this problem. 

Thankfully, that's the extend of the adult subtext this time. (Though Breezie's cleavage and sex kitten purr are maintained. There's also some shots of her tied up, if you're into that kind of thing.) Robotnik's honeymoon seems devoted to Omletta pampering him only in G-rated ways. In fact, the focus of Robotnik's honeymoon is his Immortan Joe-style desire to drain a local waterfall and destroy the surrounding community's ecosystem. This move characterizes Robotnik as a distinctly different type of evil dictator. He's not Hitler or Mussolini, but closer to Papa Doc or Idi Amin. He's willing to totally destroy the world and people around him to further his hedonistic lifestyle or whatever childish whims he has that day. That would be scary if this was any other type of show.

 

But Robotnik's despotic nature is not the real topic of this episode. That would be romance. Junior wants some of Breezie's sweet robotic hedgehog lovin' but she only has eyes for Sonic. Despite what the end of "Lovesick Sonic" suggested, our hero is not willing to rekindle a romance with Breezie. Though he pretty clearly still finds her attractive, her robotic nature is off-putting to him. (The writers probably should've made Breezie's previous betrayal the real deal breaker for Sonic but this show isn't that smart.) Despite Sonic repeatedly pointing out that Breezie isn't his type, she continues to hold feelings for him. Sonic friend-zoning a robot built specifically to seduce him probably could've led to a pretty interesting episode but it's just one idea floating around inside this dumbass script.

Junior having the hots for Breezie drives much of the episode. His methods are, as the kids say, "problematic." Breezie thinks Junior is kind of dorky, which is accurate. Instead of accepting she doesn't like him, or at least seeking some self-improvement, Junior and Tails engineer contrived scenarios that will make Junior look heroic. They don't work but Junior is also never judged for his manipulative tactics. Later, Breezie has a totally abrupt change of heart. She heroically rescues Junior from a waterfall. In a totally shift of personality for her, she decides Junior's pathetic dependence on her is sexy and the two end up together. (Sonic then suggests he has a similar relationship with Tails, creating some hilariously unfortunate implications.)

So, yes, here's a kids cartoon telling young boys that it's okay, or at least not a big deal, to lie and manipulate girls to get them to like you. The moral seems to be that a sexy girl will eventually come around to loving you, if you're pathetic just long enough. Shitty, wish-fulfillment-y writing like this is part of why so many young boys grew into entitled men and incels. Yet another thing we can blame on Sonic the Hedgehog... More pointedly, it's just bad writing. A better ending would've been Junior realizing his jerky behavior means he's not ready for a relationship yet. At the very least, Breezie remaining fixated on Sonic, and Junior going to even more pathetic depths to win her heart, would've been funnier. 

No, the old weirdos who wrote and drew this show can only imagine sexy women as wanting to fuck men or torment them, which is what happens with Robotnik and Omletta. I'm not blaming the show for its casual sexism, as that was the culture at the time, but it still ends up being the most interesting thing about a pretty bland episode. Maybe this show is more compelling when the writers let their freak flags fly, "Zoobotnik"-style, as their attempts at normal romance are dysfunctional. Either way, there's really no excuse for an episode that starts out so screwy ending in such a routine manner. "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," I demand you be more insane and perverted more often. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.05. High Stakes Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.05. High Stakes Sonic

Original Air Date: September 20th, 1993

So, after an eighth month hiatus, I am back to reviewing episodes of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.” I'll admit, I don't find writing about the “Sonic” cartoons nearly as satisfying as I do reviewing the old comics. Even “SatAM,” a show I'm rather fond of, was more difficult to get through than I anticipated. If this blog has proven nothing else, it's that the old comic book really was what was keeping my love of Sonic alive all my life. As for “Adventures,” I think my rather apparent lack of love for this show might be why updates kept slowing until they stopped. But, goddamn it, I'm determined to do this. (Do it to it, even.) So, here I am, back at the grindstone, reviewing old cartoons nobody gives a shit about. If you think my life is easy, live in my head for a couple of hours, okay?

Anyway, let's get on with it. “High-Stakes Sonic” features one of Robotnik's most elaborate plots yet. He's paying Smiley, a literal loan shark, to get a town of sheep people addicted to gambling. After loosing so much, they are then enslaved in order to help Robotnik built a sphinx in his image. Never mind that Robotnik could have just built robots to make the sphinx or just kidnapped people for slave labor without bothering with the whole casino angle. Sonic gets wind of this and investigates the casino. While undermining all of the doctor's rigged games, Tails ends up getting captured. Robotnik informs Sonic that, unless he looses a race to Grounder, he'll make sure Tails will never be seen again. Got all that?

“High Stakes Sonic” is another one of those AoStH that vaguely tie into elements from the then-recent video games. As you've probably guessed, Robotnik refers to his casino as the Casino Nights Zone. As in previous examples, the name is about where the connection to the video game stuff ends but it's nice that the show was at least trying to adapt stuff from the games. Instead of teaching kids how much fucking fun slot machines are, as the “Sonic 2” version of Casino Nights did, “High Stakes Sonic” seems to be pushing a moral about how gambling destroys mind and reaps souls. This is, presumably, the moral anyway. All the games are rigged and all the sheep end up ruined. In execution, the episode actually teaches the viewer that sheep are fucking stupid, as they repeatedly go back to the casino after being ripped off over and over again. Even Sonic seems pretty fed up with them after they race off to the casino after he saves their ass.

And speaking of races! “High Stakes Sonic's” weird narrative shift in the second half is a good example of how fucking sloppy this show can be. Most half-hours would stick to one premise, instead of deciding it wants to be both the casino episode and the race episode. (Though both are connected by the theme of wagers.) At the very least, I think it's a fitting punishment for Sonic, on Robotnik's behalf. Making Sonic, someone very proud of their speed, loose a race to piddling Grounder would be a serious blow to his ego. Of course, all of that is undermined by the show's usual jokiness. Robotnik is such an ineffectual villain, Tails successfully ties his mustache to the bars of his cage in an earlier scene.

Once again, I'm probably taking this dumb-ass shit too seriously. Is “High Stakes Sonic” funny? Only briefly. Most of the amusing moments, once again, are owed solely to Long John Baldry's performance as Robotnik. The series of insults he reserves for his incompetent robot henchmen always manage to make me crack a smile. Otherwise, there's a pretty funny line where Sonic outright asks Grounder where they keep the computers that rig the games, getting a cluelessly strait-ahead answer. When the sheep enter the casino and fail at the slot machines, they have their wool ripped off... Which would be a good visual pun on “getting fleeced,” if Sonic didn't immediately say that. This episode is a little heavy on obviousness, as Sonic breaks the fourth wall twice and makes a sphinx literally wink at the audience. Most of the jokes are sophomoric slapstick, like Sonic getting smooshed with a rock, or obvious gags like the loan shark being an actual shark. 

“High Stakes Sonic” has an easily identified moral, about how gambling is only a good way to separate yourself from your money. The “Sonic Says” segment, oddly, does not exactly follow up on this. Instead, the edu-tainment segment has Scratch and Grounder daring each other to play on train tracks, which end with them obviously being crushed by a train. Sonic spins this into a moral about how taking dangerous dares are stupid, kids. Which I guess is a moral that kids would understand more easily than how the house always wins. But I was really looking forward to Sonic explaining gambling addiction to the six-year-olds at home.

It's another episode with a mildly clever idea but a seriously weak execution, rendering it forgettable. If anything, this one is probably more memorable for bad reasons. Like Robotnik wearing a loincloth while dressed as a pharaoh, a regrettable sight. (And one of several disturbingly fleshy visual gags, such as a bus having a tongue for stairs.) I'm not really sure why the showmakers felt it was necessary for us to see that. Also, if you're wondering why I reviewed this one before “Grounder the Genius,” it's because I wrote that review months ago, forgot I had already banked it, and didn't feel like re-writing the introduction. Sorry, I'm lazy. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.02: Subterranean Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.02: Subterranean Sonic
Original Air Date: September 16th, 1993

As I've referenced before, the “Sonic” cartoon shows did not have the most direct relationship with the “Sonic” video games. Aside from the titular hedgehog, Robotnik, and Tails, “SatAM” really didn't share anything with the source material. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” had a little more of a direct connection. Just over the course of these first nine episodes I've covered, there have been a handful of references to the game's various environments. “Subterranean Sonic,” the second episode produced, takes place largely in the first game's Marble Zone. While it doesn't resemble the game zone very much, the episode does feature rivers of lava, underground tunnels, and various swinging booby traps of doom Sonic must navigate. Which feels more video game-esque than most of the rest of the episodes I've watched so far.

Anyway, what is “Subterranean Sonic” about? The episode begins with Robotnik insisting Scratch and Grounder track down Sonic and Tails. The duo is discovered in the Marble Zone. Soon, the robots chase them into an underground tunnel in the lava and geyser filled enviroment. While there, Sonic and Tails uncover a grouchy mole miner named Spelunk. Spelunk has been hoarding jewels and golds and doesn't take kindly to any interlopers. After an extended chase, he captures the heroes and throws them into a diamond-barred cage. As soon as Scratch and Grounder get a peek at his horde of gold, they lead their boss to it as well.

Very unusually, “Subterranean Sonic” actually made me laugh quite a few times. Most of the joke in these episodes so far have been just kind of obnoxious and annoying. However, there's a streak of “Looney Tunes”-like absurdity running through this one that amused me. After Spalunk fires a cannonball, it actually follows Sonic and tails around several corners. Before being smashed by this cannonball, Scratch holds up a “HELP” sign to the audience, an obviously Bugs Bunny-inspired gag. Further gags that made me chuckle where Sonic displaying his super-knitting powers and dressing up as an IRS auditor after Robotnik starts to make off with the gold, one of the few disguise jokes that actually makes some coherent sense.

In fact, there's a surprising amount of dialogue in this episode that made me laugh. Robotnik is introduced monologue-ing in a dark room, before yelling at Scratch and Grounder for interrupting his brooding. After getting his head knocked off, Grounder calmly tells Scratch he is rude. Later, after threatening to cook his robot minions into broth, Grounder flat-out asks if you can make broth out of robots. Sonic also gets a few good zingers. Such as when he tells Spalunk that his indecisiveness would make him an idea politician. Later, while dressed in the guise of the auditor, Sonic tells the robots that they “might be forced to work for a living” unless they pay up. All solid chucklers, says I!

It's a good thing “Subterranean Sonic” is a funny episode because, otherwise, I'm not really sold on it. Spalunk is not an especially interesting character. He's introduced as an irredeemable asshole. Upon setting sigt on Sonic and Tails, he immediately starts threatening them. He spends most of the rest of the episode pursuing them, in a seriously unhinged manner. It's only after Sonic saves his life that the mole's grouchy exterior starts to crack up. This one act moves Spalunk so much, that he completely turns around. It's not a compelling character arc, to have a guy act one way for most of the episode only for it to completely change within the span of seconds near the end.

Instead of giving him a standard redemptive arc, “Subterranean Sonic” probably should've ran with Spalunk being a terminal asshole. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” probably needed more villains outside of Robotnik and his henchmen. At one point, Sonic is figthing Robotnik and Spalunk, the two enemy's accidentally coming into conflict with each other. Wouldn't that have been interesting, to see Sonic and one of his enemies reluctantly unite against a common foe? Instead, that only occupies a few minutes until Spalunk does his heel-face turn.

“Subterranean Sonic” is another episode with a built-in moral. Spalunk overcomes his greed and myopic world view, coming out a better man mole on the other side. You would expect the “Sonic Sez” segment to run with that message and tells kids not to be so damn greedy. And it sort of does that. The segment instead encourages kids to share. Via a sequence where Tails has some chili, Spalunk has some hot dogs, and Sonic tells them to put their foodstuff together. This is about the level of moral message “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” should be handling. “Sharing is caring” is a lot more in this show's wheelhouse than “Don't let Father Laffety touch in your swimsuit area.”

It's not an especially great twenty minutes of television. A gag involving a random-ass family of turtles – why did this show hate turtles so much? – really goes nowhere. There's a glaring continuity era, when Sonic switches back and forth between his miner outfit and crossing guard outfit, presumably because DiC was reusing animation. Still, this definitely strikes me as one of the more affable episodes of “Adventures,” at least so far. [7/10]