Sonic X, Episode 3.15: Teasing Time

Sonic X, Episode 3.15: Teasing Time

Japanese Title: Black Trap

U.S. Air Date: February 11th, 2006

Japanese Air Date: April 15th, 2020

I hate to open another review by talking about the differences between the sub and dub titles again. But it's really noticeable this time. Once again, 4Kids' dub went for a goofy, comedic title. "Teasing Time" does not exactly strike fear into the heart. Teasing is a mild form of bullying, that children usually do to each other, and it can even be affectionate. In contrast, the Japanese title is "Black Trap." That suggests both the literal darkness of the villainous scheme in this episode as well as the figurative grimness of the plan. As goofy as this show is in any language, it's apparent 4Kids had wanted to project a slightly different tone in its dub. 

So what is the black trap Sonic and the gang fall into? The Metarex dimension – or galaxy or whatever – is pitch black. The Blue Typhoon has been beset by constant attacks by Metarex ships, wearing down their tolerance. Sonic suggests a spontaneous route change and that soon brings them to a blasted out, dead planet. Inside is 500 fake Chaos Emeralds. Black Narcissus personally invites Cosmo, promising to reveal a secret to her. It's a trap to capture her... And since Chris secretly followed her, he gets captured too. Sonic blasts into the base, enraged, which has an unexpected interaction with the replica emeralds. 

I know when I started this retrospective, I said I had little knowledge of "Sonic X." Well, that was mostly true but I have picked up a few bits of knowledge about the show over the years. Alongside Cosmo and an alien menace, I knew season three of "Sonic X" also marked the sole appearance of Dark Sonic. When his bad mood combines with the phony emeralds, Sonic turns into a blackened version of Super Sonic, who seems a little more brutal than his usual self. This super form is on-screen only for a few minutes. In that time, all he does is shred some souped-up Metarex henchmen. Eggman then talks the hedgehog out of his bad mood and that's the end of Dark Sonic. 

Despite his extremely brief screen time, Dark Sonic would become an instant hit with fans. The character probably has the most disproportionate ratio between amount of time on-screen and the amount of fan art of him. This fandom popularity is not surprising as, anytime an evil version of Sonic is introduced, he immediately becomes beloved by fans. This is probably because "Sonic" dorks love the blue hedgehog above all else and evil is sexy, so the combination is irresistible. (And it probably has a lot to do with a juvenile fascination with edginess.) So it doesn't matter that Dark Sonic barely appears. Or that he isn't so much a "dark" version of Sonic as he is a grumpier and less quippy version. Sega was probably aware of this, as a similarly corrupted super form would appear in the games a year after this episode aired. 

I'm not even sure Dark Sonic's debatable darkness is even unwarranted. In this episode, the heroes get a close-up look at the Metarex empire's calculating cruelty. Upon arriving at this planet, they discover it covered in craters and completely devoid of life. The Metarex bombarded the small plantoid until it was a blasted-out husk, everything on it dead. Later, Black Narcissus uses children as bait, seems to mildly torture Cosmo by locking her in a low-oxygen environment, and draws blood by karate chopping Chris. If anybody deserves a "dark" response, it's this guy. 

And Black Narcissus is, if nothing else, a more compelling baddy than the dumb brute Yellow Zelkova. He doesn't just physically harm his smaller, weaker opponents. He seems to enjoy it too. He also sits back and lets his henchmen do the heavy lifting, suggesting a certain passivity to his sadism. He chides Dark Oak early on for not "playing with him" more. True to his namesake, he's also very vain for a robot. These features, as well as his effeminate voice and slender frame, continue to mark Dark Oak as the slightly problematic Evil Bishonen villain type common to anime. TV Tropes even refers to him as an Evil Chick, despite Narcissus being male and a robot. 

This episode also continues to tease out the lore behind Cosmo and the Metarex. Black Narcissus lures the plant girl to his lair by promising to reveal the secret connection between Cosmo's race and the Metarex. I've kind of already guessed it – again, all these guys being named after trees is a giveaway – but it's clearly news to her. I like that Cosmo goes off on her own, as it continues to depict the shame she feels – she can't burden her friends with this – and shows that she's growing more confident. I also like that Chris tries to save her, as these two haven't interacted much. It reinforces the theme of friendship from the other episode. It also allows Chris to be a resourceful super-genius, while showing he's still vulnerable since he immediately gets put in traction for his actions. 

Probably the most surprising thing about this pretty good episode is who shows up to save the day at the end. Eggman, who has spent two and a half seasons trying to defeat Sonic, comes to the heroes' aid. I don't know if this is because Eggman is operating under an "only I'm allowed to defeat you" clause, if he realizes he can't conquer a universe the Metarex have destroyed, or if he's actually grown fond of Sonic over the years. Considering he chastises Black Narcissus for his cruelty, maybe it's because even Eggman has his limits. Either way, it's kind of a delightful plot turn. Especially once Decoe and Bocoe show an unexpected physical strength against Black Narcissus. It's good that season three is allowing a little more depth to all its villains.

Of course, serial goofballs like Decoe and Bocoe fighting off, and even physically wounding, a big bad like Black Narcissus is a joke. It's an amusing gag too, beefed up by a brief flash of higher quality animation. Despite being a darker episode, "Black Trap" actually continued the show's absurd sense of humor. Mainly through lines of dialogue that break the fourth wall. Knuckles points out that Sonic has more dialogue than usual. Later, he's annoyed that other people are telling him what his character would do. Lastly, after kicking Black Narcissus in the face, Rouge informs us that we should contact the producers if we want to see more of her. Good to know this show can still get wacky even when tortured children are a plot point. 

Ultimately, it's a good episode and a big improvement over the last one. I like it when this show has really big stakes, when it challenges and changes its cast, when the threats are compelling, and when it all moves the story forward too. Really, I'm not sure I could ask for more from this show. Season three has been wildly inconsistent thus far but hopefully it's a little more like this as we head into the last act. [710]

Sonic X, Episode 3.07: Galactic Gumshoes

Sonic X, Episode 3.07: Galactic Gumshoes

Japanese Title: Chaotix, Go Into Space!

U.S. Air Date: October 22nd, 2005

Japanese Air Date: April 3rd, 2020

I guess the "Sonic X" staff decided the show needed more Sega characters, which definitely presented some interesting narrative challenges. On Earth, Chris' grandfather learns that Chris prevented living matter from passing through the portal but that inanimate objects can safely teleport. They send a heaping helping of Chris' junk to Sonic's home world. Vanilla discovers this and hires the Chaotix to deliver Chris' stuff to him. Luckily, Grandpa Chuck sends a spaceship through the portal too. As the Chaotix approach the Blue Typhoon, they are mistaken for Metarex invaders. A series of comedic misunderstandings follow. 

Before we go any further, there's something else I need to bitch about. Last episode, I commented on how Sonic can survive in orbit above a planet and even crash-land to the planet's surface with no issue. This, it turns out, is not a mistake. In this episode, a bored Sonic goes running around on the outside of the Typhoon as it flies through space. Knuckles chases after him, also without the benefit of a space suit. Before I could finish thinking "Maybe the ship has an artificial atmosphere around it or something," Sonic goes careening off into the vacuum of space. He neither freezes to death nor do his lungs explode. Knuckles then straps on a jet pack and goes after him, also showing no ill effects from being buck-ass nude while drifting around in outer fucking space. 

At first, I was ready to fan-wank an explanation. Maybe Sonic absorbing so many Power Rings over the years have made him super resilient to any adverse environment. Maybe standing next to the Master Emerald his entire life has left Knuckles similarly indestructible. But it's not just the superheroes. Later, Espio runs along the outside of the Chaotix ship without a suit. Sonic smashes a window on their ship into the Chaotix's control room, and all the furries just stand around talking. Meanwhile, when Chris Thorndyke enters via the same path, he is wearing a space suit. That had to have been a deliberate choice. I can only conclude that, in "Sonic X," it is canon that everyone from Sonic's world can withstand the vacuum of space with no problems at all. But considering all these characters also talks easily in the empty void of space, maybe there is oxygen in the "Sonic X" version of the cosmos. 

I know, I know. I'm overthinking it. Let's talk about something less scientifically implausible. This episode is pretty funny! The humor here is based around an always fertile idea for jokes: The misunderstanding. Unaware that the Chaotix have a spaceship, the Sonic Team naturally assume it is their enemies pursuing them. They attack Vector the minute they see him. This causes the Chaotix to assume that our heroes have a bad case of Space Madness and have become unreasonably violent. So Espio sneaks in while cloaked, spooks Amy, and gets beaten. Charmy puts on armor, gets mistaken for a Metarex, and then is also beaten. It's not until after Tails spots the Chaotix's shack atop the ship that he realizes who the intruders actually are. 

All this silliness got a sensible chuckle out of me. It helps that the comedic timing is really on-point in this episode. While Vector and the others contemplate how they're going to get into outer space, a space ship suddenly falls directly behind them. Later, after convincing himself that Vanilla wants him to reunite her with Cream, the crocodile calmly and quickly scoops the bunny up in a bag. What a hilarious kidnapping! In general, there's a nice sense of absurdity here. Such as when Vector decides the best way to wake Espio up from meditation is grinding some black pepper on his nose. Or the contrivance of Amy painting a wall just as a cloaked Espio enters the scene. 

In the past, I've expressed a dislike for the post-"Sonic Heroes" characterization of the Chaotix as detectives. It's true that I still think that is dumb. I still feel the same way about Espio being a ninja and Charmy being a little kid. But I guess I've gotten used to it, or at least the way "Sonic X" handles this version of these characters. Here, the Chaotix become endlessly degraded straight men. The entire episode is devoted to these guys, who mostly take themselves very seriously, being humiliated in one way or another. Whether that's by Sonic's friends beating them or Cosmo outpacing Vector. Or by themselves, like when Vector takes his own romantic fantasies of Vanilla a little too literally. It turns out, a wannabe detective and a ninja make good foils for wacky shit happening around them. 

There's also a little bit of pathos in this otherwise very silly episode. Vanilla misses her daughter. Vector interprets that feeling as Vanilla needing to be reunited with her daughter. He acts on her behalf, scooping Cream up and taking him with her. Similarly, Chris Thorndyke's parents are worried about him teleporting half-way across the galaxy on his own. Their solution is to warp a bunch of useless shit his way, because they are billionaires who value things more than people. That makes it meaningful when Chris pokes his head into the conversation at the end, between Vector and Cream. Parents care about their kids and sometimes they assume they always know better, without ever asking their children their opinions. Chris definitely knows what it feels like to have distant parents who would rather do what they think is right, instead of what is right for their child. In the end, they all compromise by Cream faxing Vanilla a picture of herself every once in a while. And hopefully Vanilla gave Vector a blowie or something. 

One other thing about this episode: Space is, according to the people who have actually been there, an inhospitable place. Even living on a space station brings with it a lot of difficulty. But following its depiction of space as a place where cartoon animals can hang out and chat, "Sonic X" depicts life aboard the Blue Typhoon as pretty cozy. Before their cosmic freefall, Sonic and Knuckles are depicted as calmly playing chess. Later, in the middle of battering the Chaotix, the crew break for teatime. Cream has even prepared cake for everyone, prompting Amy and Cosmo to ask for the recipe. I guess the kitchen is well stocked on this trip! Damn, I want to live on an intergalactic cruise ship, fight giant murder robots, and have a cartoon rabbit preschooler make me desert every day. 

By the way, the Chaotix's ship is red and pointy. The Blue Typhoon is also revealed to have external arms in this episode. That makes me wonder if "Outlaw Star" wasn't another influence on the show's mechanical designer, Yasuhiro Moriki. (Whose other credits include "Silent Mobius" and "Martian Successor Nadesico.") Or maybe colorful, jagged spaceships with spindly arms are just a common troupe in Japanese sci-fi. "Galactic Gumshoes" ends by teasing the reintroduction of another important Sega "Sonic" character, which means that only 99% of this episode is goofy filler. But if "Sonic X's" must have filler episodes, I'd rather they be absurd larks like this than boring action-fests like "A Chilling Discovery." [7/10]

Sonic X, Episode 2.26: A New Start

Sonic X, Episode 2.26: A New Start

Japanese Title: Memories of the Wind

Japanese Air Date: March 28th, 2004

U.S. Air Date: March 26, 2005

When reviewing "Morning of Farewells,” I noted how it really felt like the last episode of "Sonic X." If the episode hadn't concluded with Chris freaking the fuck out and slamming the abort button right as Sonic was about to go home, it would serve as a satisfying series finale. Then “Chris’ Long Journey” came along to totally wrap up his character arc and put the show’s emotional needs to bed. So I was really left wondering how the series would occupy itself for one more episode. But I guess I forgot that the "Sonic X" writers were masters at making filler episodes composed of wacky bullshit. 

We begin back on "Sonic's World," where Eggman has been fruitlessly annoying the populace by bellowing threats from his warship and doing nothing else. He's been impatiently waiting for a week for Sonic to return. Everyone else, apparently, is doing the same. Amy is pining, Knuckles and Rouge are bickering, and Tails spontaneously decides to have an air fight with Eggman's superior tech. I kind of like the implication that Sonic's world collapses into chaos without him. That without a blue hedgehog to bounce off of, all the other characters become dysfunctional and directionless. 

Luckily for all of us, Sonic returns half way through the episode. How does he return? Literally by magic. Super Sonic swoops out of the sky, saves Tails, and curb-stomps Eggman's fancy new battle cruiser into dust. (Not that he needed to be super to do that.) The script treats Sonic's return as such a matter-of-fact thing that it doesn't even get around to explaining how until the end. Apparently, after their little heart-to-heart, Sonic collected the Chaos Emeralds off-screen. I guess, without Eggman around, that proved to be less of a challenge. It's already been established that Super Sonic can Chaos Control things across the universe, so the idea that he could just teleport back to Not-Mobius isn't offensive... But it does make the super-form feel like even more of a blatant deus ex machina than ever before. It really feels like the writers just didn't want to make season three about Sonic, alone on Earth aside from Clingy Chris, gathering up all the emeralds again. 

This episode maybe isn't the best written "Sonic X" but it did manage to amuse me. Once again, "Sonic X" proves to be a pretty funny comedy about oversized personalities aggravating each other. After Bokkun correctly points out that Sonic didn't dump Amy because they were never dating, the pink hedgehog gets enraged in a solid sight gag. She embeds her hammer into the hull of Eggman's ship and there's a nicely subtle follow-up later on, where we see several more hammers also stuck there. Watching Knuckles and Rouge argue is also fun. She points out that he's been starring longingly at the moon since Sonic hasn't return, which is a lol. Things quickly escalate into Rouge beating the shit out of Knuckles and him definitely seeming like he's pretty into it, continuing the obvious BDSM relationship these two began in the tournament arc. Rouge being a dom is basically canon but I never considered Knuckles being a sub. 

This is not the only way this episode is preoccupied with romance. "Sonic X" teases the SonAmy shippers once again. Amy announced that she plans on waiting for Sonic forever. When he finally reappears, she's expectantly overjoyed. What follows is a lengthy montage — during which the entirety of "The Golden Road" plays, which I do not think was necessary — as she tracks him down. She begs Sonic to say he loves her and he seems to do just that — the dialogue is muted — but the dreamy filter around this moment also suggests this is a fantasy sequence. This show has sometimes gotten me to root for Amy's quixotic pursuit of Sonic, and like the occasional hints that he reciprocates her feelings. But this moment ladles on the sap a bit too much for my taste, in addition to making Amy seem a smidge pathetic. 

Also, remember two reviews ago when I said the show was indulging its love of mechanical designs one last time? Yeah, that was a lie. The person obsessed with jets and battleships managed to force more mecha madness into this season finale. Eggman’s ranting awakens Tails, who is greatly annoyed. He jumps in the Tornado and goes after the villain’s big elaborate Flying Fortress. That’s when he discovers that, back on Earth, Chuck installed a new battle mode into the Tornado. With the flip of a switch, the bi-plane turns into a sleek jet style airplane. Because the people who worked on this show thought jets were awesome and bi-planes fucking suck, I guess. Anyway, it’s a totally gratuitous sequence. 

Just when it feels like this episode — and more or less the whole series with it — is done, a curveball is thrown at us. We return to Earth, six years in the future, where Chris and his friends are now all super-brilliant scientist teenagers. Chris still has the same haircut but, otherwise, seems to have matured some. He even has a slightly flirtatious relationship with Helen, it seems. (Who seems to have inherited Sonic’s need-for-speed.) Oh yeah, he still hangs out with all the same people he was friends with when he was ten. Even an antisocial, maladjusted hermit like me hasn’t kept in touch with my middle school friends, but maybe it’s different when you’re rich. Frances doesn’t look that different and seems to have maintained her tomboy persona. Danny, meanwhile, has girlish eyelashes, earrings in both ears, and wears a pink tank top. I didn’t expect that but good for him for embracing his identity. 

I say Chris has matured but he’s clearly still preoccupied with Sonic. The big reveal is that he’s been rebuilding the Stargate thingy, obviously in hopes of reestablishing contact with Sonic and his friends. I’ve always been under the impression that TMS only ever planned to do two seasons of “Sonic X” but maybe this flash-forward does represent an attempt to leave the door open to further adventures. What these final scenes really do is show Chris and Sonic’s good-bye. Chris cries — of course — and screams into the darkness, suggesting he’s still not okay with Sonic leaving, even after they talked it out. Yet Sonic seems to cry a little too, so maybe it’s just a mutual tearful farewell. Either way, it’s still a surprisingly bleak ending that shows Chris Thorndyke’s psychological dependence on Sonic is far from over. 

Fucking around one last time is an amusing premise for an episode, though I do wish the show used this time a little more wisely. We only get a glimpse at what life is like on Not-Mobius. There's a brief shot of some Mobini frolicking in a non-descript city state. Also, seemingly everyone's home has a sign out front that says "The Home of [Resident.]" Though Vanilla's house doesn't say "The Home of Vanilla" but "The Home of Cream's Mom." Instead of exploring that mystery some more, the episode packs in stock footage of Chris Thorndyke being a big pussy. 

So it's another slightly weird, mostly amusing installment that isn’t too concerned with plot or arcs. Which makes it kind of an off-beat choice for what, as far as the showrunners knew at the time, would be the final episode of the show. But, as I’ve learned over this journey, “Sonic X” was kind of an offbeat show in general, so I guess it all tracks. Considering more of season two was devoted to game adaptations, maybe the writers and directors just wanted to cut loose with some shenanigans on this last one. You’ve got to sort of admire that. [6/10]

Sonic X, Episode 2.13: Defective Detectives

Sonic X, Episode 2.13: Defective Detectives

Original Japanese Title: The Chaotix Detective Agency

Japanese Air Date: December 28th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: December 11th, 2004

When "Knuckles' Chaotix" was released in 1995, it attempted to give Knuckles the Echidna his own supporting cast of characters, presumably to make him a mascot on equal footing with Sonic. This didn't exactly work, because "Knuckles' Chaotix" came out on the 32X, a console that nobody owned. Knuckles' team of heroes — Vector, Charmy, Espio, a rescue from an obscure arcade game, and two random robots — quickly faded into obscurity. Because the game cast was still small at the time, the Archie "Sonic" comics would quickly introduce the Chaotix to their four color world. There, they became beloved members of the cast who stuck around in semi-prominent roles for years.

Even though it defines the series for me, most "Sonic" fans didn't read the Archie comics. For most "Sonic" fans, the Chaotix were obscure footnotes from a forgotten game. (Assuming the fans knew about the Chaotix at all.) This is probably why, when Sega decided to reintroduce the Chaotix in 2003's "Sonic Heroes," they completely redesigned the characters. The team was cut down to just a trio, Mighty and the robots being cast into the void. In addiction to radically different designs, Vector, Espio, and Charmy received one-note, defining characteristics. Vector was now the big doofy comic relief. Espio was now a ninja, for some reason. Charmy became a small, annoying, child. The trio were now private detectives that operated independently from Knuckles. 

These choices were very different from the versions of the Chaotix that existed in the Archie comics, where they all had distinct (if not complex) personalities. For most fans, the "Sonic Heroes" version of the Chaotix are the only version they've ever known. And this always bugged me, as I much preferred the less gimmicky takes on the characters that had existed in the comics for a solid decade by this point. Despite that, the new Sega Chaotix became the defining versions and the comic eventually made several awkward retcons to bring their Chaotix more in-line with their video game counterparts. 

What is the point of this rambling introduction? Because episode 39 of "Sonic X" would introduce the new Chaotix to the world, debuting on television two days before "Sonic Heroes'" Japanese release date. In this episode, random Chaos Control events are teleporting more creatures from Sonic's world to Earth. This includes the Chaotix and some random Flickies. The Chaotix quickly resume their latest assignment, which is to locate Cream on the behalf of her mother, Vanilla. (Who, we soon learn, is also on Earth.) Shenanigans ensue. Meanwhile, Eggman decides to replace the half of the moon he blew up with robotic parts. 

If you're wondering why random people, animals, and animal-people are suddenly appearing on Earth, don't get too curious. No attempt is made to explain these events. We can only assume it's some sort of lingering after-effect of Sonic and Shadow Chaos Controlling the ARK out of the upper atmosphere. If this is eventually explained, I apologize to the "Sonic X" writing staff. But I kind of suspect this happened because Sega demanded they put the Chaotix and Vanilla in the cartoon and they didn't care how they did it. But it is sort of neat that the "Sonic 3D Blast" Flickies appear for a cameo. I appreciated that. 

Truthfully, the most notable thing about this episode is, once again, "Sonic X's" bizarre sense of humor. Their introductory scene — which has the roughshod pacing of a rocket-sled — features a number of fourth wall breaking gags. Charmy presents a DVD of "Sonic X" to Vector and Espio. At first, I assumed this was a disc of news footage or something. But, no, it's clips from the actual cartoon you're watching. After that reality bending moment, the Chaotix introduce themselves directly to the audience... But Charmy is cut-off mid-sentence, as the show flashes to his data card, which features a confused look on his face. Later, the detectives make reference to a scene transition and the episode ends with Eggman promising he'll reveal all next week. I guess, when this show isn't in its more serious moments, you just have to accept that these characters know what cartoon they're in. 

The fourth wall breaching jokes are far from the only oddball humor here. The Chaotix don't know what a DVD is and, after attempting to shove the disc into a projector, Espio has to shoplift a DVD player from an electronics store. This is not the ninja's only humiliation, as he's later clobbered in the head accidentally by Amy while cloaked. By fat the strangest scene has Vector dressing up as Detective Conan — a reference it took me a minute to understand, because nobody in America cares about Detective Conan — and Columbo. (Which seems like an especially arbitrary reference until you remember the Japanese fucking love Columbo.) The Chaotix don't take up all the weirdo humor, as there's also an extended scene of Rouge flirting with Knuckles by asking if he wants her to live with him. Rouge, stop being a ho and teasing that poor virgin! You're giving him false hope. 

This episode is so thick with shtick that the actual dramatic elements feel like afterthoughts. The series is pushing towards this idea that conflict will inevitably arise between the visitors from Sonic's world and humanity. Chris, the President, and Eggman (and Rouge, in the dub) all reference it. Considering the real world would've had all the furries round up in concentration camps by this point, especially following Shadow's rampage, I think the cartoon President is handling this potential crisis pretty well. I genuinely don't know if the show is going somewhere with this plot point or if it's just filling time. This certainly takes up more screen time than Cream being reunited with her mother, which is ostensibly the emotional core of the episode considering how much Cream has whined about her mom. Their reunion is shoved into the back half of the episode.

As for the business of Eggman replacing half of the moon with robotics, I'm really surprised the U.S. government just lets him do that. They even see the rocket launch from his former island base — wasn't that destroyed? — and proceed to do nothing about. Exhibit 1056 for why the U.S. government is incompetent! But I guess the moon doesn't really belong to us, does it? I was sort of hoping the half-moon in the sky would just be a bit of continuity throughout the rest of the series, like "CHA" always being on the surface of the moon in "The Tick." Presumably, the next episode will focus on that business more.

Anyway, this is not likely to rank among my favorite episode of "Sonic X" but it has just enough weird shit in it for me to be entertained. We can always count on this cartoon to do something unexpected and odd. (We can also count on it not to feature Sonic that much, as the titular hedgehog is only in two scenes, I think. He's always so busy running around and doing things that are more important than starring in his own cartoon!) [6/10]

Sonic X, Episode 2.04: Heads Up, Tails!

Sonic X, Episode 2.04: Heads Up, Tails!

Japanese Title: Battle on the Egg Carrier

Japanese Air Date: October 26th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: October 9th, 2004

The previous episode of "Sonic X" ended on something if a cliffhanger, as Tails forgot to install landing gear in his airplane's new bad-ass fighting mode. Our heroes might've crashed landed on the hull of the Egg Carrier but they seem fine. Sonic does enough damage to the ship to cause it to slowly plummet. Eggman sends Gamma to stop the hedgehog but Amy talks him out of smashing the machine. Big and Chris rescue Froggy but Eggman simply grabs the frog — along with Amy's little blue bird friend — and yoinks their Chaos Emeralds. He feeds them to Chaos, who grows into his most powerful form. It's not so powerful that Sonic and Knuckles — who has grabbed the last few Master Emerald shards — can't beat the monster into submission. As the Egg Carrier falls, everyone makes their escape in different directions... But we still aren't done yet, as Eggman deploys a huge missile on Station Square as revenge and Tails has to disarm all by himself. 

If the above plot synopsis didn't make it apparent, this is an extremely plot heavy episode. Honestly, I'm kind of pleasantly surprised that "Sonic X" manages to sneak in all those events and keeps the episode just on the right side of overstuffed and incoherent. In fact, there's a few moments here that make this episode better than expected. The fight between Gamma and Sonic, unlike previous boss bottles, actually has some emotional stakes. We know Gamma isn't actually a bad guy and we also know that Sonic naturally assumes him to be just another Eggman robot. So it's compelling to see that play out. I even like the kind of corny conclusion, where Amy convinces Sonic in a minute that Gamma isn't so bad. 

This is not the only boss bottle in this episode. After we see Chaos 4 awkwardly crab-walking around the Egg Carrier's deck, he scarfs down some emeralds and turns into his toad-like sixth form. This fight proves interesting because it's quite different from its Dreamcast equivalent. In the game, you throw conveniently placed freezing pods into Chaos, so that his jelly-like body is rendered icy and smashable. Here, Sonic and Knuckles team up to stop the beast. Knuckles digs through his watery flesh with his Shovel Claw and Sonic then spin dashes the exposed core. Since the freezing pods never made much sense from a narrative perspective, I'm glad this cartoon found an alternative solution. There's also a brief scene of Sonic sliding on Chaos 6's tentacles, previewing a much-hyped ability he will presumably use in the "Sonic Adventure 2" adaptation.

Something about this episode that leaves me conflicted is the idea of the Egg Carrier slowly falling out of the sky. Sometimes, the episode convincingly uses this idea to create some tension. Oh no, our heroes are stuck on a giant aircraft that's going to fall out of the sky! Other times, it ignores this pressing event to focus on all the other shit that's happening here. I want to say that this creates a deadline, allowing for some suspense in the episode's back half, but that's not really true. Instead, there's some goofy comic relief — Eggman attempting to quietly row away from the sinking ship plane — and we never feel anybody is in any real danger. 

Nonetheless, I still mostly liked this episode. It has a lot of stuff to juggle and almost pulls it off. Such as Amy's on-going story. After running out of the interior of the Carrier, Eggman and his posse attempt to snag her. Sonic appears, tells a mean joke, and this reminds Amy that she's a hammer-swinging madwoman. It's a brief instance of "Sonic X" remembering that Amy was smashing shit with her hammer all throughout "Sonic Adventure." But this isn't the end of her arc just yet, as there's a mildly ridiculous moment where Lily reveals a photograph of her avian family. Amy is inspired once again to reunite the bird with her relatives. So, wait, is Amy focused on getting Sonic's attention or helping out her feathery friend in this storyline? Seems the show can't make up its mind.

If Amy's arc has gotten kind of scrambled but mildly effective, something similar is true of Tails' story. "Sonic X" continues to adapt Tails' confidence-gaining "Sonic Adventure" story line by focusing on his past. When time comes to disarm the missile, Tails has to find the inner strength to solve the problem on his own. (Which includes a "What Would Sonic Do?" moment.) As I've said previously, "Sonic X" Tails is already pretty confident, so this is a slightly awkward fit that still kind of works. Eggman dropping a giant missile on Station Square is from the game but they leave out Tails' final boss battle, presumably to keep this episode from feeling even more overstuffed. It still feels a bit like the episode suddenly gains an extra act, which is odd, but this scenario is more dramatically satisfying than Tails just smashing the Egg Walker to pieces. 

The episode still has more stuff to do besides this, as Knuckles endures another vision from Tikal. This is the most foreboding one yet, as he approaches a shrine in flames, sees Tikal on the ground surrounding by dead Chao, and briefly glimpses Perfect Chaos rising up. This is good foreshadowing for "Sonic Adventure's" actual secret boss bottle but is mostly effective because it's such a grim image. Tikal's dad murdered a bunch of little blue baby blobs in his quest for power. What an asshole! The episode doesn't linger on this moment but I'm still surprised it wasn't cut all together from the 4Kids dub.

Mystical happenings seem to be a going concern now,  as the episode ends with Sonic landing in the Mystic Ruins. This is proceeded with a bizarre comic moment of Sonic getting stuck in the ground, his stretchy ass and legs wiggling to free himself. This is far from the only oddball humor in this episode... Which brings us, once again, to Big the Cat. There's an odd moment of Chris calming a panicking Big by getting him a drink out of an Eggman vending machine, which is pretty funny. This is followed by Chris having to dangle from Big's fishing rod to rescue Froggy. Obviously, this was done to give Chris something to do in this story that didn't originally feature him. But all it succeeds in doing is robbing Big of his central gimmick and making him even more pointless than usual. This is also true of a later moment, where Chris and Big are sucked into Chaos 6's gelatinous body. Again, it's a desperate attempt to insert Chris into the proceedings that makes Big into an even bigger load on our heroes. 

Hopefully this rambling review has made it clear that this episode is overstuffed but I still found myself enjoying it. Considering the six different storylines "Sonic Adventure" juggled, I think this cartoon does an okay job of balancing everything in twenty-four minutes. They even managed to shove in a further humiliation for former White House Press Secretary Jerome Wise, who is now homeless. Which is still less humiliating than Sean Spicer going on "Dancing with the Stars." Anyway, I can't really give this episode anything above a six, owing to its convoluted nature, but I still mostly liked it. [6/10]

Sonic X, Episode 1.21: Fast Friends

Sonic X, Episode 1.21: Fast Friends

Japanese Title: Speed Match! Sonic vs. Sam

Japanese Air Date: August 24th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: February 21st, 2004

Even though there's only five episodes left in season one, "Sonic X" isn't so worried about the overarching Chaos Emerald plot. Yep, it's another goofy episode. Everyone at the Thorndyke mansion is awoken in the middle of the night when Sam Speed pulls into the driveway in his experimental rocket car. He's been loaned the jet engine as part of a ridiculous ploy by White House Press Secretary Jerome Wise to promote the President. Sam expects Sonic to race him across the country, to a point in a desert somewhere and back. The winner gets his photo taken with the President. Sonic, being an anti-authoritarian rebel, is not interested in participating. That's when Wise gets Eggman to convince him otherwise. Soon, Sonic and Sam at the starting line and the race begins.

Every single "Sonic" cartoon, it seems, has had an episode themed around a race. "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" had at least two and I fully expect "Sonic Boom" and "Sonic Prime" to follow this lead. Here's "Sonic X's" obligatory entry into the Sonic Racing subgenre. Race premises are naturally exciting and make sense, when your lead character is defined by his ability to go fast. It makes even more sense here, as Sonic's rivalry with Sam Speed — another character defined by going fast — has been set-up since the first episode. Even if it could've been placed at a better point in the story, this does seem like an episode the series would've had to get to eventually for that reason.

While I've found myself mostly won over by "Sonic X's" original characters, even whiny little Chris Thorndyke to a degree, Sam Speed is a much harder sell. The character has mostly functioned as a plot device, swooping in inexplicably when the non-super-fast -hedgehog members of the cast need to get some place immediately. When not doing that, he's mostly being an annoying comic relief character, defined by his misbegotten inflated ego. This episode gives me even more reasons to genuinely dislike Sam Speed: He's a dirty fucking cheater! The rocker car is bad at making turns, so he picked a race path that includes a row of buildings he can just drive through. Later, he tricks Sonic into climbing into the car and throwing him off with a built-in spring. What a bastard!

Making Sam Speed such an underhanded asshole actually works in this episode's favor. After all, Sonic can be pretty egotistical and snarky too. Setting him against someone with these attributes who is also a dirty cheater makes Sonic seem like the underdog. Which makes his inevitable victory — because of course Sonic is going to win a speed-based challenge — all the more satisfying. That Sonic makes it look like a too-close-to-call finish, before the instant replay reveals that he easily won and was just fuckin' around, is even better. It's like he was trying to teach Sam Speed a lesson and the racer does seem to be humbled afterwards. Sonic is a total Chad.

While the race is the main attraction of the episode, it's honestly not the most interesting part. Presidential aide Jerome Wise continues to be an amusingly fucked-up character. When the President calls to say he won't be able to attend a race, on account of having actual global duties to see to, Wise realizes he'll shake the winner's hand... And then imagines an elaborate fantasy where he's elected president. Wise is so committed to this race that he, uh, commits treason to make sure it happens. He calls up Eggman, officially declared a terrorist and enemy of the state by this point, to talk him into forcing Sonic into the race. Amusingly, this is not just a wacky joke — I mean, it is but — as Wise gets fired in the final scene for this act. Dude is lucky he's not immediately scooped up by the NSA and thrown in Guantánamo. Also, he has a romantic fixation on some lady named Vivian, a joke which is amusingly not explained further.

While attempting to convince Eggman, Jerome bribes him with "cream puffs" and make big, googly, starry eyes at him. Yes, this is another episode full of weirdo comedic beats. Eggman's scheme to get Sonic into the race... Involves sending Bokkun to deliver a manic robot with giant lips that is obsessed with kissing?! Later, a sumo wrestler-themed robot is sent to stop Sonic's progress. The sumo-bot shouts a bunch of dumb catchphrases before being tossed into the air and landing on the Egg Fort II. Ya know, for a show that is outwardly not as bizarre as "AoStH" or "Sonic Underground," I'm continuously impressed by its ability to make me silently mutter "what the fuck."

Oh, and one more thing: Nobody in the Thorndyke mansion is told this race is happening, which is why they are so surprised when Sam pulls up in a rocket car at five in the minute. This is despite Chris' parents apparently being sponsors of the race. Which leads me to assume that Chris' own parents did not tell him about this huge public event they are directly involved in. He's even surprised when he sees them on TV! Chris might be a whiny bitch but the clear fact that his parents, at best, frequently forget he exists and, at worst, actively dislike him is making me feel sorry for the poor little rich boy. No wonder Chris is so fixated on Sonic, another ultra-powerful role model who is often indifferent, if not annoyed, by his presence. At least Sonic gives him positive reaffirmations occasionally, as opposed to his completely non-present parents.

It's another silly episode that still manages to use the characters' established personalities in fun ways and amusingly explores how Sonic affects life here on Earth. "Sonic X" is not the show I expected it to be: It's actually something wackier and weirder. And I applaud that! I'm sure humor like this is utterly insufferable in the dub but the subtitled version is just droll enough to make it work. [7/10]

Sonic X, Episode 1.14: That's What Friends Are For

Sonic X, Episode 1.14: That's What Friends Are For

Japanese Title: Chase the Hero Sonic!

Japanese Air Date: July 6th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: December 6th, 2003

Even though the "Beating Eggman" two-parter marked the end of the "New World" story arc, "Sonic X" isn't done screwing around with goofy episodes. "That's What Friends Are For" begins with the President concerned about his re-election chances. See, all the press surrounding the destruction of Eggman's base is focused on Sonic, not on Our Glorious Leader. Press Secretary Jerome Wise thinks up a wacky scheme to fix this: He'll throw a charity ball celebrating Eggman's defeat and invite Sonic, allowing the President to mooch off the hedgehog's star power. Sonic, however, has other plans. He's promised Helen, a girl in a wheelchair from Chris' class, that he would take her to a secluded place in the forest where white flowers grow. Wise finds Sonic turning down the invitation unacceptable and sends a military team to retrieve him. The blue dude with 'tude sympathy for children with disabilities does not let this stop him. 

I know any political commentary on "Sonic X's" behalf is probably completely accidental. I've read before — and I can't find a source for this now so it's probably bullshit but — the show is not set in the year 2003 but some undetermined future date. Meaning this American president is probably not meant to be a stand-in for George W. And yet I can't help but notice parallels. We, the viewer, obviously knows that Eggman is not defeated. So the White House holding a big charity dinner to celebrate the destruction of his base feels hilariously premature. It can't help but bring the infamous "Mission Accomplished" banner to mind. In general, I can't help but notice this Japanese cartoon portraying the U.S. president as a praise-hungry buffoon only concerned about his re-election chances during a time when our President was famous for his gaffes and starting shady wars he had no intention of ever ending. Maybe the satire wasn't intentional but it certainly speaks to the global perception of the U.S. government at the time. 

In fact, "Sonic X's" willingness to have Sonic continuously oppose establishment powers, like the police or military, can't help but come off as subversive in hindsight. The majority of "Chase the Hero Sonic!" is devoted to our hedgehog hero humiliating soldiers in high-tech gear. In fact, it's pretty funny how serious military force is deployed for the task of retrieving a blue hedgehog to appear at a party. Armed soldiers, attack helicopters, and even high-tech X-Jet style hovercrafts are deployed to try and catch the hedgehog. It's, at most, a preposterous waste of money and resources and, at worst, a hideous violation of Sonic's autonomous rights as an individual. (Though I guess extraterrestrial blue hedgehogs probably have no rights, in the government's eyes.) Either way, it's a hell of a way to pay him back for his heroics last time.

Despite all the manic wackiness of Sonic making a laughingstock of the U.S. military, that is not the main point of this episode. In fact, "That's What Friends Are For" comes very close to being a Very Special Episode. Sonic's friendship with Helen really comes out of nowhere, as he's never much interacted with Chris' schoolmates before. He apparently met Helen when her wheelchair got stuck in the sand by a lake. They immediately form a bond and Sonic spends the rest of the episode insuring Helen will have a night she'll never forget. The episode isn't really about what struggles kids in wheelchairs deal with, as whatever Helen's condition is isn't even specified. But there is a slightly patronizing tone here, Sonic going out of his way to treat this person he's never met before with a special reverence. (Also, the eye catch image of her shown before the commercial break depicts her standing on her own, which feels kind of distasteful.)

Helen, at this point in the show anyway, is defined mostly by her paraplegic status. She has a sob story about how she never gets to spend much time with her dad, as he's constantly working to afford Helen's medical bills. We get a scene of him toiling away at a grocery store, apparently on both day and night shifts. We don't know what Helen's mom does but it's implied she works all the time too. This is a sad reality of a lot of people who are victims of the for-profit medical industry. Yet the episode still concludes with Helen's dad promising to work less, as if the problem is him working too much and not the lack of funds or help to ensure Helen has as fulfilling a life as possible. At least Helen's parents are actually working to take care of her, as opposed to Chris' idle rich parents who just choose not to spend time with their child. 

In fact... Hey, Chris, why don't you use some of that cash allocated to pay for your granddad building personal jets to help out your paraplegic friend with overworked parents! Anyway, if it wasn't already apparent, this is quite an offbeat episode. Sonic zooming around with a cheering girl in a wheelchair is an odd sight, even in the context of the continuously weird "Sonic" cartoons. A lengthy subplot involves intoxication. When the journalists sent to cover the White House charity dinner learn Sonic isn't there, they begin to leave. Wise plies them with free booze, as if a bunch of drunk and belligerent reporters will smooth things over. (These scenes were, naturally, removed from the dub.) Also, the episode concludes with Sonic commandeering a helicopter and landing it on the White House lawn, which probably would be a legit reason for him to be in trouble with the government. Everyone is just happy to see him though. This administration is going to have to sweep so much shit under the rug. 

Before I wrap this up, I should probably point something out. The ending theme to "Sonic X," up to this point, has been a lively little number called "Fu-tu-re" by Run&Gun. It played over footage of Sonic and friends napping on the couch after a long day of adventuring. I had gotten quite used to singing along with "TO BE SHY, TO BE FREE" at end of every episode. This episode introduces a new closing theme: "The Shining Road" by Aiya Hiroshige. At first, I assumed this to be a special ending theme for this episode, about Helen's eternal gratitude to Sonic. Yet the accompanying animation makes it clear that this is not the case. It depicts Sonic brooding in the city before meeting Amy at sunrise, the two sharing meaningful glances among much soft focus. The lyrics describe hidden romantic feelings and a girl inviting the object of her desire to a secret meeting. Dang, no wonder SonAmy shippers love this show. Anyway, the other song was much better. 

As for the episode itself, I've seen some "Sonic X" fans mention Helen with fondness, so perhaps this one is something of a fan favorite. I wouldn't go that far and I still don't know if Helen is just an example of tokenism or not. Still, an episode this weird and unexpected can't help but be endearing to me. [7/10]

Sonic X, Episode 1.06: Techno-Teacher

Sonic X, Episode 1.06: Techno-Teacher

Japanese Title: Fierce Battle! School Wars

Japanese Air Date: May 11th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: October 11th, 2003

The sixth episode of "Sonic X" begins with Eggman coming to a conclusion: If he wants to take over the world, he needs to be admired. And children are naïve and stupid and therefore easy to impress. If he can brainwash kids into loving him, he's on his way to total global domination. To facilitate this goal, he sends a teacher robot named E-51 Intelligente to Chris' school. The kids immediately love the robot, the machine in turn growing fond of his students. Eggman is incensed that the kids are admiring the robot and not him, so he heads to the school and starts acting like an asshole. Eventually, Sonic rushes in and rescues Chris – who is missing out on a visit with his mom and dad – from this milquetoast threat. 

I referred to the previous installment of "Sonic X" as a filler episode. Yet at least it further developed Sonic and Knuckles' relationship. "Techno-Teacher" is way more of a filler episode. The Chaos Emeralds aren't even referenced in this half-hour. Eggman comes no closer to his goals of world domination and Sonic and his friends are no closer to heading home. Sonic isn't even in most of the episode, spending the majority of the runtime chilling on the roof of the Thorndyke mansion. His fight scene with Intelligente, which the Japanese title hyped up as a "fierce battle," lasts all of two minutes. One headbutt from Sonic is all it takes to explode the robot. This is the epitome of a filler episode, an installment that in no way moves the overall plot forward and has no effect on the rest of the show. 

But I'm used to "Sonic" cartoons acting as goofy comedy, so this doesn't really bother me too much. In fact, "School Wars" is a pretty amusing episode. The minute Intelligente arrives at the classroom, he throws Mr. Stewart out. The speed with which the kids grow attached to the robot suggests a government spy isn't a very good school teacher. Mr. Stewart is so stymied by this that he demands the military march in and destroy the machine. When that doesn't work, he goes to the police. The hamburger-munching cop is also unimpressed and ends up threatening to beat Mr. Stewart. A super-serious C.I.A. agent being repeatedly blocked in this absurd quest is pretty funny. I also admire the contempt this show to continues to have for American law enforcement. 

I'm also very used to Eggman/Robotnik being portrayed as an ineffectual egomaniac. Trying to trick a bunch of school kids into loving him, but just having them do shit like draw sketches of him, is definitely something "AoStH" Robotnik would do. When nobody wants a congratulatory Eggman sticker, and the villain just gives it to himself, I was especially reminded of the "Promotion" gag from "AoStH's" first episode. There's also some decent gags when Bokkun – thus far less manic than his comic book counterpart – calls Intelligente a bastard. Or when Frances repeatedly declares, in an over-the-top way, that she admires her robotic teacher so much, in direct opposition of Eggman's plans. 

It's dumb and childish and has very little to do with Sonic. But I still laughed a few times. Maybe this shit works for me a little better than expected because Japanese children's media is not so concerned with teaching kids morals, the way U.S. cartoons so frequently are. Which doesn't mean the characters don't learn a lesson. This whole ordeal seems to teach Mr. Stewart to value his students more. At the beginning of the episode, when Chris tells his furry friends that they'll have to hide while his parents visit, Sonic walks off. Chris wonders if the hedgehog is annoyed with him. When he arrives at the end to save the day, it seemingly proves to Chris that Sonic does care about him. 

Yes, this is a very Thorndyke-focused episode. We are given a little bit of insight into the dysfunctional relationship between Chris and his parents. Much the same way the "Underground" triplets and Archie Knuckles admired Queen Alena and Locke, despite them never being around, Chris cherishes his frequently missing parents. What is with the "Sonic" franchise and absentee parents? Chris' mom could believably be expected to be away from home for a long time, on location shoots or whatever, but his dad is a tech billionaire. He can work from home or something. Chuck makes excuses for his son but come on. When you're that rich, you can make your own goddamn schedule. Nelson isn't in Chris' life because he doesn't want to be. 

Despite leaving the actual day-to-day work of raising their son to his grandfather, a butler, and a maid, the Thorndyke parents still impose rules on Chris' life. They want him to behave like a normal child – again, in the giant mansion he lives in – so they don't have Tanaka pick him up from school. Despite that, when Chris is late returning home, Lindsey apparently almost called in the goddamn military. I guess, when you're that rich and famous, kidnappings and ransoms are genuine concerns... Yet this still feels like forcing their child to live a certain way while they're off doing whatever they want. My point is that Chris is going to grow up to resent his parents like crazy. 

Anyway... This is a show about a blue hedgehog that runs fast, right? I'm betting "School Wars" doesn't rank high on any "Sonic X" fan's list of favorite episodes. If you tuned-in on a Saturday morning, expecting to see your favorite spiny mammal kicking ass, this half-hour would definitely be disappointing. But it was weird and dumb enough to keep my attention. Perhaps watching all of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" and "Sonic Underground" has irrevocably altered my expectations for hedgehog-related cartoons... [6/10]