Sonic Underground, Episode 1.04: The Price of Freedom

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.04: The Price of Freedom

Original Air Date: September 2nd, 1999 

"The Price of Freedom" begins with Sonia on the run from Sleet and Dingo. Though the bounty hunters are defeated, Sonia's bike is trashed and she's left covered in grime. Fed up, she heads to East Mobius to meet her old friend Mindy, daughter of a rich factory owner named LaTour. LaTour produces watches and Sonia soon discovers that Robotnik is converting them into spy drones. Sonic and Manik – who are, coincidentally in the same area, investigating sightings of the Queen – arrive to reveal the truth. As Robotnik's forces close in, Mindy and LaTour have to make a hard choice.

As with every episode of "Sonic Underground," "The Price of Freedom" begins with a voiceover narration from Queen Alena explaining the theme of the day. As the title indicates, this episode is about the price of freedom... Now, what does that mean? Is this going to be some horrible, right wing polemic about how "freedom isn't free" and we need a military-industrial-complex? Or will it get into the reasons for why taxes are necessary to support our much-needed public systems? No, the answer is much stupider than either of those. See, Mr. LaTour has kowtowed to Robotnik's demands to produce spying devices because he wants to continue to provide his daughter with a lifestyle of wealth and comfort. The episode is about him learning a lesson, that love is all you really need. Mindy willingly picks her dad over the pampered, royal life. So I guess the price of freedom is... Love? But... it's worth it? I don't know, it's muddled and trite and doesn't make a lot of sense. 

And that's not what most annoys me about this episode. It's the staunch refusal to explore any of the interesting ideas introduced here. From the first episode, we've known that Robotnik allowed the rich upper class of society to continue to exist. Mr. LaTour is introduced as a rich dude running a factory... Does Robotnik's roboticized slaves toil on these factories? Or is LaTour just exploiting the working class, like a regular evil person? We don't know because we never see the factories. The idea of a businessman willingly creating watches that double as surveillance devices could've been commentary on how the rich are complacent in the rise of tyranny. (Not to mention an eerie prediction of our modern, smart phone world.) Instead, LaTour is a victim of Robotnik and we're supposed to feel bad for him. The effects of these ideas on wider Mobian society is never considered. No deeper thought was out into the construction of this story. 

"The Price of Freedom" is so awkwardly written that I thought it was setting up an obvious twist that turns out to be nothing at all. Mindy is a mildly terrible character, your typical spoiled rich girl archetype with hilariously outdated Valley Girl lingo. (It must be said, when competed to "Underground's" hideous character designs, she has one of the better ones.) She gives Sonia the watch that is later discovered to be a spider drone. Shortly afterwards, our heroes encounter an agent of Robotnik's named Agent M. I assumed all of this was heavy-handed foreshadowing. That Mindy was Agent M, that she had laid a trap for Sonia and the others, that she was loyal to the lifestyle Robotnik made possible for her. Nope! Mindy is clueless of the watches' true purposes, hates Robotnik as much as anyone else, and Agent M is just a robot. The pattern-recognition system in my brain accidentally cooked up a better story than this show's writers did. 

The naked mediocrity of this episode isn't just present in the writing. I can't really undersell how half-assed the action scenes are in this episode. During the opening chase, there's a solid minute focused on Dingo's face as he presses buttons. Sonia survives by firing a laser from her keyboard-medallion-blaster, which somehow blankets the area in a pink fog, causing Sleet and Dingo to crash into the gorge wall. I guess the medallions can do anything! Later, all three triplets are shown being caught in Agent M's net. A minute later, Sonic is shown to have escaped. He then calls in some watches/spider drones to de-assemble Agent M, which is about the least exciting climax they could've cooked up for this one. The most baffling moment involves Sleet turning Dingo into a rolled-up rug which then unfurls and captures Mindy and LaTour. I think that rightfully earned a baffled "what the fuck" from me.

This is the part of the review were I bitch about the episode's musical number. As a change of pace, Mindy sings this one. It must be said that Mindy's voice actress has a less nasally and irritating than whoever provides Sonic's singing voice. It's a shame the song is garbage. The melody is tuneless and immediately forgettable. The lyrics are utterly inane. About half of the song is the phrase "Monet can't buy the things you really need" repeated over and over. The images accompanying the song are almost unintentionally funny, with the repeated focus on Mindy's crying face. The way the song abruptly begins, while Mindy and her dad are having a serious moment, also made me chuckle slightly. But mostly it's just boring and bad. 

The only scene I liked in this episode was when Sonic and Manic are smashing some of those spider bots together. Because Sonic spin-dashing into robots in something is actually associate with the "Sonic" franchise. Well, there is a really weird dream sequence that is interesting, if nothing else. Sonia dreams about performing on-stage when Robotnik grabs her with stretchy, telescoping arms. She's rescued by her mom's scarf floating through the air, which looks like a hairy tongue at first. But, oh no, the Queen then turns into Robotnik! The whole dream is filtered through that ugly, wavy distorted effect that this show used way too often. But it's kind of weird, so that caught my attention. 

Otherwise, this one just sucks. The characters remain as bland and annoying as ever. Once again, the triplets are defined solely by static characteristics: Sonic's attitude, Sonia's girly-girl schtick, Manic's shop-lifting. The show all but admits at this point that the quest to find Alena is nothing but a plot device. Finding their mom is brought-up exactly twice and it's just an excuse to get Sonic and Manic in the same area as Sonia. I haven't truly liked a single episode of this show so far but "The Prince of Freedom" is definitely the worst one yet. [4/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.24: Tails in Charge

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.24: Tails in Charge

Original Air Date: October 11th, 1993

As the title indicates, "Tails in Charge" has Sonic's little buddy taking center stage. Robotnik builds a machine called the Stopper Zapper, a ray gun that can stop anyone in their tracks by turning them into a stone-like object. He deploys Scratch and Grounder to shoot Sonic with this ray. After a series of zany traps involving chili dogs, our heroes are attempting to escape when Tails goes back for his skateboard. This leaves Sonic vulnerable and he gets zapped. Now, Tails has to protect his petrified pal and defend himself from the two incompetent lackeys. 

Since Sonic's speed is his defining characteristic, and his primary advantage over Robotnik, it only makes sense that various attempts have been made over the years to strip that speed away. This idea was the focus of a "SatAM" episode and an early issue of Archie "Sonic," and probably other "Sonic" stories, so it's unsurprising that "AoStH" would try their hand at this premise too... And have already kind of done it. Though this time he's turned totally inert, instead of merely slowed down. I'm not even halfway through this retrospective and episode premises are already starting to be recycled some. Once again, you can tell how eager the writers were to get these scripts done. 

But it's actually okay, because this episode isn't really about slowing Sonic down. Instead, the premise of this one is Tails having to defend himself while his best buddy is out-of-commission. Which is a good idea for a story and "Tails in Charge" does better with it than expected. No, the episode never addresses how Sonic getting turned to stone is kind of Tails' fault. Where did that skateboard he was suddenly carrying around come from anyway? The fox never has much guilt over his role in that. Yet watching Tails defend himself is compelling. Scratch and Grounder may be jokes but, to a little kid like Tails, they are capable of being intimidating. Most of this episode involves the little fox buddy hiding in a factory, trying to outthink his increasingly brute strength opponents. 

If this show wasn't a goofy kids comedy, it might've been able to generate some actual tension from this premise. Tails and the petrified Sonic hiding in an office, while Scratch and Grounder sulk around outside, might've generated some suspense. Still, it is kind of cute watching Tails follow in Sonic's footstep. At one point, he dons a military police uniform and attempts to trick Scratch and Grounder, much like Sonic has a hundred times before. It almost works too, before Tails' most prominent physical features gives him away. 

I know Ben Hurst of "SatAM" was really invested in Tails' potential. It was a theme the comics touched on often too. Sometimes, Ian Flynn has over-corrected and taken Tails from a scared kid to a hyper-competent badass. "Tails in Charge" doesn't go that far. Scratch, Grounder, and this version of Robotnik are all pretty easy to fool. But this episode is far more compelling when Tails is a little outmatched, then at the end where he's sending the Badniks through a series of elaborate traps and casually munching chili dogs the whole time. 

"Tails in Charge" would still probably be among "AoStH's" best episodes, if it didn't take so long to get to the point. Only about half the episode is devoted to Tails' predicament. There's a long stretch in the beginning, devoted to the typical slapstick shenanigans. There's a huge boulder, a giant slingshot, a gravestone, and yet another fake chili dog stand. Two physical gags strike me as especially baffling. Sonic feeds Grounder a super spicy chili dog which causes his cheeks to blow out, transforming his head into a bulldog's head. He then grows a cat head and what is either chili, blood, or liquid diarrhea spurts from his neck. That was weird but not as inexplicable as a moment where a bird lands on a rock and does a disco dance. No wonder YouTube Poopers loved this show. It was random internet comedy before random internet comedy was a thing. 

Even with the typical stupidity you associate with "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," this is still among the show's better episodes. It has a clever idea at the center of its story, features a little character development, shakes up the typical formula, and isn't solely focused on weirdo slapstick humor. For this particular "Sonic" cartoon, that's a glowing recommendation. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.13. Best Hedgehog

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.13. Best Hedgehog
Original Air Date: September 6th, 1993

I began my retrospective of “SatAM” by talking about its opening sequence and theme song. It only seems fair to grant “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” the same treatment. Because both songs and openings truly reflect the show's differing styles and approaches. “SatAM's” shows how Robotnik took over Mobius and that the Freedom Fighters are waging a guerrilla war against him, while the theme song was a powerful wave of cock-rock declaring Sonic the fastest motherfucker around.

“Adventures'” opening, meanwhile, is a series of wacky comic relief gags in which Sonic – his name appearing on-screen as many times as possible – triumphs over his goofball adversaries with ease. It's so carefree, a happy smiling sun is one of the first things we see. The theme song, meanwhile, is an aggressively upbeat instrumental that recalls “Flight of the Bumblebee,” “In the Hall of the Mountain King,” and the Green Hill Zone score.

One is grim but radical in that very nineties sort of way. The other is silly, slapstick-y, and overwhelmingly familiar. See, kids, openings were once meant to actually tell you what the show was about, not just be a thing you skip on Netflix.

Another element of “AoStH” that must be discussed upfront is its visual approach. While “SatAM” strove for a certain degree of interior coherence visually, “Adventures” was not bound by the same limitations. The backgrounds the characters interact with are often sparse, surreal landscapes of weird shapes and pastel colors. Characters staying on-model is not so important here, as the slapstick tone allows for an expected degree of stretch-and-squish. Because of its lackadaisical approach to such things, the syndicated show can get away with odd looking characters or apparent humans interacting with cartoon animals with no explanation. Which is apparent in scenes in this episode, when we see a cartoon human teaching a class room full of strange looking zoo animals.

So, where do these “Adventures” begin? The first episode to air, and the thirteenth to be produced, is “Best Hedgehog.” It has Sonic and Tails breaking into Robotnik's egotistically designed fortress to free a prisoner that's been locked up for thirty years. When our heroes meet the guy, Lucas, he's nothing but a draping pile of hair with limbs and a face. Robotnik's interest in keeping Lucas locked-up is totally personal. Back in high school, they both lusted after a girl named Lucinda. Lucas won her heart, Robotnik didn't. Now that Lucas is free, Sonic and Tails try to match him back up with Lucinda – now working as a school teacher – before Robotnik finds all of them.

Okay, so this cartoon is a comedy. Did it make laugh? I think the expectations for humor are different when you're an adult, versus when you're a five year old child. (Which is what I would have been when this first aired.) As a kid, I might have laughed when Sonic defeats Scratch and Grounder with ease, tricking the extremely dumb robots into be snatched by their own easily avoided traps. Or when Sonic defeats Robotnik and his robo-goons by rolling up a seemingly giant carpet and spinning it towards them. As a boring grown-up, I find myself more attracted to the more subtle jokes. Like Scratch and Grounder being presented with a number of rewards and Grounder requesting a humble toolbox. As an adult, I also notice shit like the Scooby-Doo stock “bumbling footstep” sound effect putting in an appearance, marking this as a rather hackneyed type of kid's cartoon.

Much of the humor in “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” is taken from the extremeness of its characters' personalities. Such as Scratch and Grounder's idiocy. Or Sonic's ability to overtake his opponent, which results in a probably justified degree of egomania. Throughout this first episode, Sonic mocks and belittles Robotnik by dressing up as a doctor or a chief. He repeatedly uses randomly appearing props: a giant frying pan, a massive spring that bounces a weaponized egg back. This also includes a mirror, which he bounces laser blasts with after admiring his own reflection. Sonic is given the very annoying catchphrase of “I'm waiting!,” which he rolls out three times. (Tails says it too.)  He repeatedly breaks the fourth wall. Let's just say Jalleel White's nasal whine has never been more grating.

Probably the most notorious gag in this episode – the entire show really – is when Sonic dresses up as Lucinda to fool Robotnik. Naturally, the bad guy doesn't recognize Sonic or even notice that his very human high school crush now appears to be a hedgehog in a wig. Yes, “Best Hedgehog” relies a lot on the old-time-y assumption that a male in a dress is inherently humorous. About the only thing that makes this joke genuinely amusing is how stretched out it is. Robotnik and Sonic-as-Lucinda make it all the way to the chapel before Robotnik notices the deception. Which kind of makes me wonder just how far exactly Sonic was willing to take this one.

While the “Adventures” version of Sonic is kind of annoying, I couldn't help but find this take on Robotnik to be pretty amusing. Beloved blues musician Long John Baldry probably wasn't having his proudest moment playing a goofy bad guy on a shitty kid's cartoon – he sang with the Beatles and the Rolling Stones – but he sure attacks the role with gusto. He gets some of the episode's funniest lines. Such as teenage Robotnik, who had the mustache even then, groveling at Lucinda when she rejects his romantic overturn. Later, he hypes himself up before meeting the girl again by practicing threatening slogans. There's a decent sequence, were the extreme differences between Robotnik and Lucas' recollection of events are shown. That stuff made me chuckle a little and Baldry committing so hard to the bit helps tremendously.

I can't say if I really like “Best Hedgehog” much. Lucas is such a whiny character, that it's hard to like him too much. (Even if getting locked up for thirty years, strictly because a villain liked the same girl as you, is a pretty bum deal.) It doesn't help that his Captain Caveman-esque character design is deeply unappealing looking. There is a certain humor to a mad scientist/dictator like Robotnik still longing for his high school crush. Upright folks like Lucas and Lucinda still holding the torches is less endearing. I do think it's sort of sweet that Sonic and Tails are so determined to help this random political prisoner get laid again. Though it is odd that this was chosen as the first episode to air, considering the focus really isn't on Sonic for the majority of its run time.

This is also sort of an action cartoon, after all, which is where “Best Hedgehog” really fails. The early scene of Sonic fighting off some weird pink octopus-looking robots doesn't inspire much interest. Neither does a moment where Sonic and the gang have to escape an erupting volcano, which he does by drilling a hole down to the frozen Arctic. This isn't a path to escape. Instead, he buzz-saws out a giant block of ice (which results in a very confused polar bear, another decent gag) and then surfs along the lava on it. I know, I know, I can't let leaps in logic like that bother me. I presume by the time I've reviewed sixty of these fucking things, I will be totally numb to such cartoon-y conflict resolutions.

Among the many meme-worthy elements fans remember about “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog,” the Sonic Sez segment at the end of each episode – where Sonic delivers some real life-applicable moral lesson to the kiddies watching at home – is especially notorious. This was a common feature in nineties children entertainment, probably an attempt by moral guardians to impose some sort of edutainment factor on action-driven shows designed to sell toys. “G.I. Joe” was a prominent pioneer of this “The more you know!” style in-show PSA, with programs like “Captain Planet,” “Power Rangers,” and the English dub of “Sailor Moon” following that lead. With “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog,” serious attempts to educate the viewer came off as especially strange, since the show proceeding them was so very inane. I mean, do you really want a blue cartoon hedgehog that runs fast teaching your kids about the joy of reading, about how kids who have trouble reading should be treated with sympathy, as he does here? Sonic doesn't really seem like the type to appreciate a good book much anyway.

But that bizarre disconnect is just one of the things that made the nineties such a gloriously stupefying decade. I wouldn't say the first proper episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” is stupefying, gloriously or otherwise. It's mildly amusing, occasionally annoying, and mostly utterly disposable. This retrospective is off to a great start! [6/10]