Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 108

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 108
Publication Date: March 2002

Issue 108 of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” series would see two new names being added to the creative staff. The first of which is writer Benny Lee. It’s long been suspected that Lee was a pseudonym for one of the book’s established writers – either Bollers or Penders – choosing an assumed name to circumvent contractual obligations. The other new addition is Jay Axer, the second fan artist Archie would recruit. Like Dawn Best, Axer would contribute some great work to the series but be badly utilized by Archie. So the book was changing without really changing at all.

In Lee’s cover story, the awkwardly entitled “Robotnik x2 = Trouble!,” Eggman is concerned that Knuckles’ god-like powers are messing with the different zones. Evidence of this soon pops out of one of the doctor’s devices. The original Dr. Robotnik – the one that died during “Endgame” – appears. This Robotnik considers the newer one too cruel and flees to Knothole Village. There, the monarchy cautiously invites him into the city. Sonic isn’t too sure. Soon, his suspicions that this Robotnik is just as bad as the other one are confirmed.

It’s very rare that bad guys stay dead in comic books. (Well, it’s very rare that anyone stays dead in comics but you get my point.) Archie had already sort of resurrected Dr. Robotnik, by transforming Robo-Robotnik into the Sega-version of Eggman. Yet it was somewhat inevitable that the original version of Robotnik – the one resembling the portrayal of the character on SatAM – would also eventually return. “Robotnik x2” utilizes this comic book premise in a typical manner. The old Robotnik appears terrified of the new one and attempts to defect. Yet anyone could guess the truth, that the two versions of the villain are in cahoots.

What ultimately makes “Robotnik x2” mildly interesting, instead of totally tedious, is how the displaced Robotnik interacts with the Freedom Fighters. Sonic is immediately suspicious of the guy but he appears so pathetic, that the monarchs take pity on him. (This marks the second time King Max has allowed a genocidal dictator into his kingdom. The same dictator, even.) This results in a one page montage of Robotnik and Sonic having sitcom-like interactions. He smashes a window in Sonic’s hut while playing golf. The hedgehog trips on a banana peel Robotnik just threw on the ground. He ruins a pool party with an ill-timed cannonball. It’s super hacky but Sonic’s frustration is admittedly amusing.

The hedgehog is right, of course. The new/old Robotnik is evil and the entire scheme has been a rather obvious trap. In a double-twist, the Freedom Fighters realized the doctor’s treachery. They play his own plan against him, destroying the machine that brought old Robotnik back and allowing the copy to crumble apart, due to unstable molecules or something. It doesn’t make for the most satisfying ending but Lee at least seems aware of how trite the plot is. I also like the casual interactions between the Freedom Fighters he creates. Such as an early scene where the team plays hide and seek with Tails.

It’s a nearly good story that features some truly hideous artwork. I know I’ve continuously shit on Ron Lim’s artwork every chance I get but the guy keeps finding new ways to disappoint me. His rendition of Classic Robotnik is completely ugly. He’s overly rotund, even by Robotnik’s standards. His face looks like a melting candle, his chin doubling to tumor-like sizes. In one especially unforgivable panel, his head looks like a pile of mashed potatoes. Robotnik isn’t the only one who gets it bad though. In one panel, Dr. Quack morphs into a Cronenbergian horror, with a massive head, an all-consuming bill, and stumpy little hands. Everyone else, of course, has huge heads, big eyes, blank expressions, and noodle limbs.

Benny Lee’s debut is pretty short, allowing Archie to squeeze two other stories into the book. The second story, “A Girl Name Hope,” has Sally presenting a letter to her parents. It’s written by Hope Kintobor, who explains her origin. She discusses how she felt while living in Robotropolis, frightened by Robotnik’s eventual treachery. She then details how happy she’s been in Knothole and requests a chance to stay. When the King approves her request, Hope gives Sally a big hug.

 “A Girl Named Hope” has about two elements in equal helpings. The first recaps the parts of Hope’s history that we already know. Her initial fear of the Mobians, eventual rejection of Robotnik’s evil, and fleeing his city. It moves on to more interesting stuff after that. Such as how accepted she feels in Knothole. She grew up in a space ship so Knothole’s forested location is the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. We get a peak into her early life, about living on a ship, learning an Overlander skewered history of Mobius. Yet living in Knothole, seeing the love and companionship of the residences, has made her realize how wrong this lesson was. Bollers’ text is simple but touching, making hope’s eventual acceptance all the more poignant.

The story’s good but what really elevates “A Girl Named Hope” is Jay Axer’s artwork. The amount of detail and expression Axer brings to the table is comparable to Spaz. The amount of detail in the panel of Hope looking over Knothole is impressive. Yet he also brings some unique, personable elements that I like. In Hope’s memories, her first encounter with Sonic shows him as a fanged monster. (Not unlike the Werehog Sega would one day inflict on us.) The scenes of the Mobians living among themselves – Antoine and Bunnie enjoying a romantic meal, Tails repairing the Tornado – are nicely conveyed. It’s an impressive debut. Axer also contributes the eye-batching frontispiece, which would’ve made a nice cover.

The final story continues the “Reunification” story Ken has been telling. Knuckles’ reunites with his mother, who is alarmed by both his greenness and his new political views. Knuckles also learns that his mom is pregnant, that he’ll have a half-brother soon. Meanwhile, Dimitri makes his case before Echidnopolis’ council of elders, who aren’t quite convinced. Lara-Su continues to observe her teenage father, uncertain what he’ll do next.

Instead of focusing on action or mythological grand-standing, the third part of “Reunification” focuses on ideological differences. We finally learn why Knuckles doesn’t use his god-like ability to escape the Dark Legion. Apparently, at some point, Knuckles began to agree with Dimitri. There’s been no prior evidence of this change but, sure, let’s go with it. When Knuckles explains this to his mom, she’s upset. However, both sides have validity. Knuckles claims Echidna history is full of self-serving assholes eager to rewrite the truth, which it is. Lara-Le counters by pointing out that Dimitri is a known terrorist who has attacked the island multiple times, which is also true.

Maybe Dimitri is turning over a new leaf, since he makes a reasonable, peaceful presentation to the echidna politicians. Knowing Ken, this is probably just a smoke screen for Dimitri’s next, easily foiled scheme. For the time being, it’s playing up the villain’s already existent sympathetic side. It’s still a bit more interesting then what Lara-Su is up to, which is mostly observing from afar and being vague about her mission. She has magical powers now, it seems.

Aside from Ron Lim’s stinky pencils in the beginning, 108 is a good looking issue. Jay Axer and Dawn Best both do some fine work. Story wise, it’s probably the best comic in quite some time. The cover story doesn’t quite work but is okay. The first back-up story is quite good. The second one presents some interesting opportunities, which likely won’t be followed up on. I’ll take it! [7/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 107

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 107
Publication Date: February 2002

Over his run as head writer, Karl Bollers would attempt to incorporate real world issue into Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” series. Racism, industry’s affects on nature, and unrequited love were some of the issues he would tackle over the years. More often then not, it was a bit awkward. No “very special issue” of “Sonic” is more awkward then issue 107. Karl would discuss the topic of abusive relationships… With dragons. Internet reviewers, who are always hypercritical of this book, have not been kind to this story.

In order to insure that the dragon threatening Station Square is properly taken care of, Sonic is forced to work with a special G.U.N. strike team. It’s the same team, Sonic discovers, that captured him in “Sonic Adventure 2.” They track the hostile dragon to a water fall in the outskirts of the island. Inside the lair, they meet Ducly. Turns out, the violent dragon is her mate. And he doesn’t treat her very nice. Soon, the volatile situation escalates to violence.

Here’s the upside: Dulcy is back! We haven’t seen the much neglected seventh Freedom Fighter since issue 78, an editor’s box reminds us. I wish she was back under better circumstances. Yes, Dulcy has acquired an abusive boyfriend. Who hits her often and hard enough to break her arm. It’s true that a children’s comic book was probably not the best place to address this very serious real life issue. Actually showing Dulcy getting slapped around was in questionable taste. Karl doesn’t really address the circumstances of an abusive relationship, just making it one aspect of a longer story. I’m sure he didn’t include Zan smacking Dulcy for shock value but it’s such an awkward inclusion, that’s how it feels.

If only that was the sole problem with “Crouching Hedgehog, Hidden Dragon: Part 2.” Sonic teams up reluctantly with G.U.N.’s special strike force, which is given the unwieldy name of Paladin Team Sigma Alpha-2. Karl obviously intends Sonic’s caustic relationship with the team to add some excitement to the story. Instead, the Paladins are just assholes. They actively work against the Freedom Fighters and bluntly resolve the story, by blowing up Zan’s cave. (Which proves Station Square didn’t need Sonic to save the day.) They also look ridiculous, with their anime bad boy hair cuts.

Ron Lim has shown no aptitude for drawing the “Sonic” characters. One assumes he did better work on his previous superheroes gigs. How else would he get this job? Yet, in this story, Lim proves that he doesn’t know how to draw humans either. The Paladin Team has squishy, vague faces. Too often, he skimps on the details, making the military men look even more undefined. The Station Square President and his team also look utterly ridiculous. Lim continues to draw the Freedom Fighters with huge eyes, inexpressive faces, and overly spindly bodies. It sucks, even by the standards set by Lim’s other issues.

How about that back-up story? “Reunification: Part 2” proves that Knuckles’ attempts to reverse the effects of the Quantum Beam was successful. His friends and family are back on the Floating Island. This is observed by Lara-Su, who introduces herself as Jani-Ca. Meanwhile, Dimitri and Lien-Da wonder what Knuckles will do next with his massive powers. When the villains bring Knuckles back onto their ship, Constable Remington is shocked to see the Guardian working with the Dark Legion.

Well, at least everyone is back on the island. That’s just like Ken. He disappeared almost all of Knuckles’ entire supporting cast for a whole year and then brings them back with a shrug. It should be a joyous occasion, considering how long I’ve been waiting for this to happen. Instead, Ken fumbles this as well. The Chaotix are zapped into a random ruin, bickering among themselves. The Brotherhood appear in Haven, commenting on how fucked up it is. At least Knuckles gets a reunion with his mom. (He does talk to his dad, via force ghost powers. Which is, you know, dumb.) However, any emotional interaction between Lara-Le and her son is handled in far too brief dialogue bubbles.

Knuckles – and nobody else, for that matter – notices that Jani-Ca has the Knuckles’ clan distinctive hand spikes. Jani-Ca spends too much time as a passive observer, commenting on Knuckles’ strange color via thought balloons. Dimitri and Lien-Da realize Knuckles’ massive power, even if the Guardian himself doesn’t. Like I’ve said repeatedly, why is he letting the Dark Legion boss him around? Why can’t he just de-atomize their asses, if he really is more powerful then Enerjak ever was? If the conclusion is any indication, where Knuckles willingly goes with Dimitri, this story turn will mostly exist to create stupid melodrama. As if the book needed more of that.

So issue 107 has some problems. The cover story is not well balanced, contains some major story oversights, and tackles a real world issue in a tacky manner. Ken Penders continues to show his weaknesses in the back up story, though Dawn Best’s pencils are quite nice. Tellingly, abusive dragon boyfriends and pretty boy commandos have rarely been spoken of since then. Here’s a connect-the-dots puzzle. Did I do it right? [4/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 106

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 106
Publication Date: January 2002

At the start of 2002, Archie’s “Sonic” series was headed back to Station Square. Depending on your perspective, this was either because Karl had wrapped stuff up in Knothole or made such a huge mess of it that leaving was the best option. It’s not quite a blank slate to start the year on but it’s at least take our mind off the tangle of plot lines back home.

In “Crouching Hedgehog, Hidden Dragon” – a punny title that barely connects with the story – the Freedom Fighters head to Station Square on a diplomatic mission. They hope the city will accept the Overlander refugees from Robotropolis. Politics turn out to be trickier to navigate than Sonic expected. All negotiations are interrupted when an angry dragon descends on the city, bathing it in flames. Sonic kicks into action.

You’re not used to seeing the Freedom Fighters on a political mission. Usually, they’re bashing robotic heads and clashing with supervillains. Putting established characters in situations they aren’t used to is a good way to introduce conflict. Which it does, to some success. Two pages devoted to Sonic and the Freedom Fighters schmoozing with the locals is cute. Station Square offers to accept the Overlander refugees if the Freedom Fighters do something for them in return. This seriously pisses Sonic off, who expects people do stuff simply because they're the right thing to do.

(Sonic doesn’t consider the following. Since all the Overlanders have radiation poisoning from living in Robotropolis, they would put a serious strain on the city’s presumably limited medical resources. This isn’t the same as a superpower like the U.S. accepting refugees. Station Square has been living under a mountain for thousands of years, with zero contact with the outside world. Who knows what condition their hospitals are in? Station Square probably should accept the Overlanders but there are a multitude of issues to consider. This is why negotiation – social and economical – isn’t the hedgehog’s strong suit.)

It’s a mildly dramatic moment and one I wish the book explored more. Instead, Sally shushes him and takes over, an admittedly cute moment. The hedgehog is next seen brooding in his hotel room. Karl returns to a vein he’s previously visited with positive results. Sonic wonders about his role in this new world. He doesn’t understand the human’s ways, which frustrates him. The King ordered him to protect Sally, not to navigate social-political constrains. The hedgehog is used to running fast and wrecking shit. Thinking in abstract terms puts him in a tricky position. Sadly, this promising story thread is cut short when Tails shows up and asks Sonic to visit the local video arcade.

In fact, everything that’s interesting about the story – the political implications of the Freedom Fighters’ mission, Sonic’s musing on his place in this strange new world – stops dead when the dragon shows up. Instead, subpar action sequences take over the issue. The dragon explodes a city block. Sonic leaps around, gets whacked with by a tail, nearly burned alive, and then flees into a lake. The dragon then leaves afterwards, for no defined reason. It leads up to the conclusion, where Sonic promises to solve the city’s dragon problem if they solve their refugee problem. But it’s a disappointing conclusion. Ron Lim’s artwork is typically uninspired, making a weak action scene even more underwhelming.

In the back pages, Ken Penders throws a similar curveball at the increasingly tiresome Chaos Knuckles story. A new figure appears in the abandoned streets of Echidnopolis: A young, female echidna with distinctive spikes on her knuckles. It’s clear she’s arrived from another time period with a yet undisclosed mission. Her search through the city is interrupted by Knuckles’ latest attempt to reverse the Quantum Beam’s effects. She then runs into Remington, who is apparently still on the island and is apparently also responsible for Knuckles’ future death.

“Reunification” introduces Lara-Su, Knuckles and Julie-Su’s future flung daughter. The book tries to keep coy about Lara-Su’s parentage but her spiked knuckles make it obvious. The story idea, of a child sent from the future to prevent a disaster in the past, isn’t new. It seems likely Ken was inspired by Trunks from “Dragon Ball Z.” Lara-Su arrives via a swirling ball of blue energy, a visual quote from “The Terminator.” (Sega would, years later, take a stab at a similar premise, with Silver the Hedgehog.) The character would be immediately popular with fans. Not because of anything to do with her personality but because of her eye-catching design. The sprout of purple hair, tiny John Lennon glasses, and stylish jacket would impress the Sonic fandom. Unsurprisingly, we have Dawn Best to thank for this, who is evolving into a fine illustrator.

Lara-Su’s introduction overshadows how nothing actually happens in “Reunification – Part 1.” Some Dark Legionaries search the empty city streets. Dimitri and Lien-Da banter for a page. Knuckles appears in a single panel, screaming to the heavens while attempting to undo the Quantum Beam’s power. Remington’s reappearance is a surprise but one that seems especially inane, considering we clearly saw him get sucked into another dimension. Seems like Ken is tossing yet more plot points into the air, in a further attempt to stretch this story out even more.

So it’s a mixed bag. The cover story has some interesting ideas but abandon them for sophomoric action stuff. The back-up introduces a promising new character but at the cost of doing anything else. The future remains as uncertain as ever but at least I don’t entirely hate this one.  [5/10]

THE 2001 SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COMIC BEST/WORST LIST

Being an Archie “Sonic” fan means being patient. While the comic’s quality varied wildly over its first eight years, there was usually one or two really good story from each twelve month period. But 2001 began a rapid decline in quality that the book wouldn’t fully recover from until new writers finally came on-board, five years later. It was the start of what fans like to refer to as the Dork Age.

2001 was such an egregiously bad year for the comic that Dan Drazen – who began the best/worst list tradition – refused to award any of that year’s stories. Instead of writing a best/worst list, he published a “from bad to worst” list. It would be tempting for me to do something similar but I like to look on the bright side. Surely, something good emerged from Archie’s “Sonic” series in 2001? Right?

This was also the first year in quite some time were the only “Sonic” stuff Archie published was the main book, as 2000 saw the last spin-off title being shuttered. Which does, truthfully, make my job a little easier. Only 14 issues are covered in this retrospective and they are:

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 92-105

BEST COVER STORY:
Karl Bollers, "Crime 'N Punishment" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 93)

There weren’t very many stand-out cover stories this year but issue 93’s “Crime ‘N Punishment” was one of the few that I enjoyed without too many reservations. The story focuses on Sonic’s interior life, his guilt over his recent mistakes, and how much he misses his girlfriend. One of the year’s best moment has Sonic imaging an ideal reunion with Sally, which reality does not live up to. This is also one of the few issues that handle the building relationship between Sonic and Mina in a decent way, as the two youths have a sweet encounter. And while the subplots aren’t handled as well, they don’t totally throw the story off balance like they would in the future.

WORST COVER STORY:
Karl Bollers, "The Messenger" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 96)

Worst cover story presented far more options. 92’s “The Wrath of Khan” brought Monkey Khan back into the story for no reason. 97’s “My Secret Identity” had everyone acting like an idiot or an asshole. But issue 96’s “The Messenger” wins the dubious honor of my least favorite story from 2001.

“The Messenger” juggles some of the year’s worst ideas. Geoffrey St. John’s investigation is so inept that it becomes unintentionally hilarious. The main plot point, concerning Kodos and the Sword of Acorn, rambles ahead, pointlessly. Sally is reduced to pinning for Sonic, while Mina awkwardly hits on the hedgehog. Nobody notices that Tails is missing. It concludes with a ridiculous fight scene in the high school, involving a robot that shouldn’t be violent acting violent. It’s really dumb.

BEST BACK STORY:
Michael Gallagher, "Myth Taken Identity: Part One" (Sonic the Hedgehog: 103)

The first part of “Myth Taken Identity” wins not because it’s a great story that rises above the rest. It basically wins by default, being one of the few back-up stories this year I didn’t totally hate. The comedy gags, involving potential candidates for the Downunda Freedom Fighters with pun names, are embarrassing. The origin story provided for the Freedom Fighters is rushed but at least it’s interesting, providing back story for characters we have a mild connection with. It’s not a lot but I’ll take what I can get.

WORST BACK STORY:
Ken Penders, "Life's Realities" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 102)

To give you an idea of how bad Archie’s back-up story game was in 2001, I nominated seven different stories for this category. All of which came from the pen of Ken Penders, in case you were wondering. Yet one stinker rose to the top of the trash heap. “Life’s Realities,” from issue 102 of “Sonic,” was easily the dumbest story the company published all year. Knuckles uses his god-like powers not to crush his enemies but to travel back in time. After the first try, he discovers the horrible side effects of time travel. Despite this, he tries the same strategy two more times. When the Guardian isn’t bumbling through history, Dimitri lectures him with word bubbles stuffed with techno-babble. This story genuinely made me angry.

BEST STORY ARC:
Michael Gallagher, "Myth Taken Identity" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 103-105)

Again, “Myth Taken Identity” wasn’t that good of a story arc. It was actually quite mediocre, overly reliant on exposition and stiff dialogue. Guru Emu, previously noted as 1995’s worst new character, is more-or-less the protagonist of this story. Which, you know, isn’t a great idea.

Despite these problems, “Myth Taken Identity” still does some things right. It’s short, firstly, running only three issues. It also has a kind of interesting ending, with the characters talking out their problems instead of fighting about them. It’s still a really jumbled up, uneven story but it does get points for doing some things differently.

WORST STORY ARC:
Ken Penders, The Chaos Knuckles Saga (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issues 93-97, 99-102)

This category’s “winner,” however, I had no problem deciding on. No story line in 2001 was a bigger drag then the Chaos Knuckles Saga, which began in the previous year and would stretch on for another twelve months. This story arc had Knuckles glowing green, acting like either an asshole or an idiot, being blackmailed into collaborating with his worst enemies for hastily defined reasons, and fucking around with time foolishly. Other characters were effected too. We discovered Tails isn’t really Tails, Athair was a mystically vague jack-ass, and everyone else was just dragged along in totally useless ways. Penders would commit many sins during his long run on “Sonic” but the never ending saga of Green Knuckles may be the one I despise the most.

BEST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 95 - Patrick Spaziante

Even if the stories contained within weren’t the best, Spaz still provided some great cover art throughout the year. Issue 95 features an especially moody number that I like. Against a blueish black background, Sonic is suspended in the air by spider webs. They’re tangled up around him, in a criss-crossing pattern that draws the reader’s eye to the center of the cover. Sonic, meanwhile, has tiny beads of sweat leaping off his head, which is a nice touch. It’s an eye-catching cover, even if the connection to the story inside is loose.

WORST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 102 - Patrick Spaziante

Issue 102’s cover, meanwhile, is a little too garish. It’s characterized by searing red and orange colors. Sonic’s limbs twist around each other as he runs forward, his anime-style face looking a little over-exaggerated. The evil bombs behind him, meanwhile, look a little too much like a Digimon to be serious threats.

BEST STORY ART:
"Sonic Adventure 2" - Patrick Spazinate (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 98)

James Fry did some good work this year, especially in issue 93’s “Crime ‘N Punishment.” Dawn Best finally found her footing with 103’s “Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy: Part Two,” creating some expressive and colorful characters.

These are still the runner-ups though because Patrick Spaziante made a rare trip down from cover art heaven to grace the main book with his work. Yeah, the G.U.N. agents look a little too much like anime heartthrobs. But when it comes to dynamic motion, intricate detail, and striking composition, Spaz just can’t be topped. He actually makes an otherwise mediocre issue worth reading! Not even a murky coloring job can take away from his stellar pencils.

WORST STORY ART:
"Family Dysfunction" - Ron Lim (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 102)

There was almost as much bad artwork in the comic this year as there was bad writing. Michael Higgens’ drawings in issue 92’s “The Wrath of Khan’ were incredibly ugly and off-model. Nelson Ribeiro’s pencils for “The Messenger” feature characters twisting in extremely ugly ways, when it wasn’t being extremely flat. Ken Penders deserves a dishonorable mention for using actual photographs as backgrounds in issue 93’s “Bagging the Big One,” among his usually awkward artwork.

There’s shitty and then there’s Ron Lim shitty. Lim would somehow become the regular artist for “Sonic,” starting in 2001. This is despite his complete inability to draw these characters. Everyone has huge, inexpressive eyes. All the limbs are long and noodly. All the heads are massive. All the action is stiff. There’s nothing eye-catching or likable about any of it.

Lim’s shittest pencils this year came with issue 102’s “Family Dysfunction.” I pick out this issue because the character work is especially weak. Heavy and Bomb look horribly off-model. Lim falls back repeatedly on long distance shots that reduce the cast members to grey blobs. The action is clumsy. Among some serious turds, this stinker rose to the top.

BEST NEW CHARACTER:
Rouge the Bat

There weren’t that many characters introduced in 2001 that had a long term effect on the book. Truthfully, choosing Rouge the Bat is still something of a cheat. The character appeared in all of one panel in 2001. It would take a while for Archie to figure out how to use the flying femme fatale. In time, though, she would develop into an interesting character. Rouge is neither good nor evil but someone who does things primarily because it amuses her, switching sides on a whim. You can mostly thank Sega for that one, though Archie would expand on her personality a bit in time.

WORST NEW CHARACTERS:
The Kintobors

Karl Bollers had been foreshadowing the appearance of Snively’s extended family for quite some time. When they finally showed up, what did the Kintobor family contribute to the book? Father Colin was hopelessly duped by Robotnik, only realizing how evil the guy was when it was too late. Grandmother Agnes did a piss poor job of assuring everyone everything was okay. Scientist Chuddermund was the most useless of the bunch, as he only existed to spout off vaguely science-y sounding words. The Kintobors floated around the book for a year, never gaining much personality or adding to the story, before Karl realized how useless they were and killed them off. Only granddaughter Hope was spared who, not surprisingly, was the only member of her family with a sense of self.


BEST IDEA:
Cutting the chaft

The book suffered a drought of good ideas in 2001 but two points did pop out at me. First off, Karl Bollers may introduce some stupid ideas but he was usually smart enough to know when they weren’t working. As mentioned above, the Kintobors got the ax after adding so little to the book. Nate Morgan, similarly, was killed off after failing to find a purpose for himself. Sending the Freedom Fighters to Knothole High was a dumb idea and was quickly dropped after two issues. It’s a shame Bollers didn’t toss out most of the year’s scripts along with these bad eggs.

Secondly, in 2001, Archie brought on Dawn Best to draw a few stories. Best was a “Sonic” fan artist and the first such illustrator the book would hire. These days, the fandom is the main place Archie recruits creative minds from. That habit started with Dawn Best.


WORST IDEA:
Who's steering this thing?

Archie’s 2001 run suggested that none of the writers really knew what they were doing. Karl Bollers threw a dozen new ideas around, none of them being especially compelling. Some of them, like Sonic making himself a superhero persona or the characters getting tossed across different timelines, didn’t last more than a single issue.

Ken Penders stretched out a nominally decent idea – what if Knuckles went evil? – to unbearable length, burying it in his most annoying quirks. Such as painfully faux-profound mysticism, asshole supporting cast members, the few interesting characters getting sidelined, the hero getting shoved around by plot mechanisms, and atrocious pacing. He also threw some random bullshit around too, by hastily resolving old plots and messily setting up new ones.

Mike Gallagher, lastly, seemed to be totally disconnected from the rest of the book. His contributions this year was an out-of-continuity gag two-parter that probably shouldn’t have occupied one story, much less two issues, and a brief arc focusing on his fairly isolated pet characters, the Downunda Freedom Fighters. Considering what a mess Ken and Karl were turning the main book into, maybe Mike was smart to stay out of it. It all suggests a lack of strong editorial oversight and writers who ran out of ideas a while ago.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 105

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 105
Publication Date: December 2001

2001 wasn’t a great year for Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” series. After taking a two month break, so Mike Gallagher and Jim Valentino could indulge their in-joke, Karl Bollers was allowed to pick up where he left off. And, I don’t know, maybe the two month break gave the writer a little time to recharge. “You Say You Want a Revelation” isn’t a great story but, in a lackluster year, it still stands out as one of the better stories.

Karl continues to chop through the mishmash of story lines he’s thrown out in the last year. Sonic and the Freedom Fighters let the loss of Nate Morgan weigh on their minds. That’s when the hedgehog gets an idea. If the Sword of Acorn can restore the free will of robotocized Mobians, why can’t it restore the free will of robotocized Overlanders? Only Sally can wield the sword in this manner and talks her dad into allowing her to go on this mission. Meanwhile, in Robotropolis, Robotnik reveals his master plan – to poison the organic beings with radiation, forcing them to become his robotic slaves in order to survive – to Colin Kintobor and all the other Overlanders in the city.

How do you like your Robotnik? The villain comes in several different flavors. Some of the video games portray him as a stereotypical mad scientist. The “Adventures of” cartoon and other games draw him as a cartoonish buffoon. SatAM and “Sonic Underground” illustrated him as a cold-blooded tyrant. The comic version of Robotnik has fluctuated wildly between the three poles. My favorite version, if you couldn’t guess, is the genocidal dictator, eager to inflict his mad will on the world. This version of Robotnik returns to Archie’s pages with a vengeance in issue 105. After Hope informs her parents that Robotnik intends to roboticize them, the doctor reveals she’s right. He relishes the opportunity, actually. He happily states that he’s a robot and that every fleshy person in the city is poisoned. He joyfully robotocizes Hope’s grandmother before her eyes. I’m not sure why Robotnik waited until now to gloat evilly. But he sure is having fun doing it.

Ever since they returned to Mobius, the Kintobor family hasn’t contributed much to the book. It’s been a plot point that hasn’t gone much of anywhere. After writing Nate Morgan out last time, Karl decides to clip the rest of the Overlanders from the book this time. Hope gets away, as the book had bigger plans for her, but the rest of the family? Turned to robotic statues. About the only important detail rising from this resolution is Snively revealing how much he hates his dad. As much as we pile on the little twerp, he’s truly just as evil as Robotnik is. As for the Kintobors? Who’s going to miss them?

A plot point dragging the series down since issue 99 has been the romantic drama between Sonic and Sally. Issue 105 doesn’t resolve this, as the tiresome Sonic/Sally/Mina love triangle would stretch on for a while longer. The book finally addresses how dumb this is though. Before leaving on the mission, Sonic outright asks Sally if she’s pissed at him. Before she can respond, Mina zooms in and gives her a big hug, thanking the Princess for restoring her mom’s free will. It’s a cute moment. If it doesn’t outright negate the ridiculous love triangle, it at least goes a way towards deflating it.

We even get some action too. Sonic smashes some ShadowBots and has a face-to-face confrontation with Robotnik, something we haven’t gotten in a while. However, the issue pulls back on the action maybe when it was most important. Instead of a big exciting conclusion, the story ends with talking. Robotnik reveals another truth – that only willinging robotocized Overlanders don’t become statues – and let’s the good guys go. Moreover, the Freedom Fighters leave the Overlanders in Robotropolis, allowing themselves to become robots if they want too. It’s kind of a downer ending to what was otherwise a decent story.

In the back pages, Mike Gallagher concludes the Downunda Freedom Fighter story he’s been telling for three months. Guru Emu scales the dam he discovered last time, confirming the suspicions that it’s a leftover from CrocBot’s take-over of the continent. Below the waves, the bunyip has… Safely carried the other Freedom Fighters to an oxygen filled area? Turns out, Barby speaks the Bunyip's language. She levels with the creature, who is just angry CrocBot took away his billabong. Everyone agrees the dam has to go. The Freedom Fighters blow it up, restoring the lake, and making everyone happy.

Here’s a win for empathy, civil conversation, and peaceful resolution. Instead of another fight ensuing with the mythical animal, the Downunda Freedom Fighters instead communicate with their captor. No, it’s not a very satisfying conclusion. Barby’s ability to speak bunyip is the purest of ass pulls. Yes, Gallgher still loads his story with ungainly dialogue. As he enters the dam, Guru Emu takes the time to recap the events so far.

Still, there’s a certain novelty to the story concluding with everyone talking things out, without punching somebody in the face. It’s rare for this book, even if it doesn’t entirely work in this instance. As expected, Gallagher ends the story with another plea for the readers to request more Downunda Freedom Fighter adventures. Considering we wouldn’t see them again for a while, I’m going to say Archie didn’t get too many letters.

Ron Lim drew the cover story. Typically, it looks lousy. His robots look utterly ridiculous. Characters bend wildly off-model during the action scenes. He also has this weird habit of drawing Sally so that she always looks surprised. As for the back-up, Nelson Ribeiro takes over for Dave Manak. Ribeiro is an uneven artist. On the first page, Guru Emu’s hand twists out of shape. All the characters look slightly odd. But nobody is hideously ugly. I also like his decision to surround the first page of panels with wooden frames.

Issue 105 isn’t an A+ book but, compared to what we’ve been getting lately, still feels like a breath of fresh air. [6/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 104

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 104
Publication Date: November 2001

And we’re back. Instead of devoting one issue to Mike Gallagher and Jim Valentino’s two man circle-jerk (digon-jerk?), Archie felt the need to stretch the gag out for two issues. The Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy wouldn’t be dumb joke characters tossed around for a single issue and then quickly forgotten. They were destined to be dumb joke characters tossed around for two issues and then quickly forgotten. Let’s get this over with.

At the end of the last issue, Sonic and Tailon’s acceptance into the superhero team was interrupted by some asshole called the Silver Snively. The Freedom Fighters battle him for a bit before the chrome surfer flies off. The team regroups aboard a space ship just in time for Robolactus – a planet devouring decedents of Robotnik – descends on the planet. Thus begins a tedious fight between superheroes and supervillains.

At least I actually recognize some of the characters being parodied this time. While the ‘90s version of the Guardians of the Galaxy are mostly forgotten, every person even mildly into comics knows who the Silver Surfer and Galactus are. I don’t know if the Guardians ever fought these guys but, cosmic Marvel being what it is, they’ve probably met at some point. Mashing these two characters up with Snively and Robotnik isn’t very inspired. Snively has nothing in common with the philosophical Silver Surfer. Combining Robotnik and Galactus in service of a big fat joke is such an obvious idea that Archie actually did it already. Issue 38’s terrible Fantastic Four spoof featured Robotnicus, a character who utilized the exact same lame gag.

I complained that the first installment of “Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy” barely classified as a parody, as it was very short on jokes. The second part, to its credit, at least features element identifiable as humorous. They aren’t funny at all but at least they’re jokes. For example, Robolactus digest planets with a giant juicer. When Hawkhawk flies towards space, he kicks up a cloud of smoke that makes his team members cough. Sonic mistakes mircochips for potato chips, coughing up the devices after chewing on them. Antoine’s mangling of the word “how” is mistaken for “ow,” prompting a character to ask if he hurt himself. So, yes, the jokes are terrible. But at least Gallagher was actually trying to be funny.

The blending of cosmic Marvel superheroes and Sonic the Hedgehog is still incredibly awkward. Hawkhawk is a terrible character who makes repeated references to his all-knowing nose. One panel bluntly explains what his real name is, for some reason. The dialogue is full of heavy-handed nonsense like that. Saleta mentions, in passing, that she shares some magical abilities with Hawkhawk. Later, she talks about making space suits out of light molecules for everybody. Robotlactus’ nature is explained thanks to a documentary. Tailon generates four leaf clovers at one point. It’s very apparent that these two series do not mate gently or successfully.

Not that anybody really cares but the ending sucks too. The Freedom Fighters attempt to deflect Robolactus’ attempts to eat their planet. He successfully deflects each attack, the entity proving too powerful for the team. So how do they defeat him? They, uh, don’t. Instead, the Silver Snively grows to giant size, explains that this planet isn’t worth eating, and points Robolactus towards the home world of the Sharks, the previously established evil race of aliens. The Freedom Fighters are fine with this and cheer the villain on as he commits genocide. That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?

I’m guessing Jim Valentino had more important things to do then goof on his cult classic creation for a licensed kids’ book. Valentino did not return to draw part two. Instead, penciling duties are handed over to Dawn Best. Best had been doing okay work for Ken’s Knuckles stories but her illustrations so far seemed slightly rushed and somewhat sloppy. She does much better here. Sally and Bunnie’s superhero personas look awesome as drawn by Best. She handles the action scenes alright. The characters are colorful and expressive. Even Hawkhawk, who has a deeply lame design, looks okay. Best could probably be better used somewhere else but at least she makes this really dumb story look nice.

In the back pages, we continue to get a reprieve from the on-going saga of Chaos Knuckles. Instead, the Downunda Freedom Fighters’ search for the Bunyip continues. Their quest brings them to a drained lake bed. The four gather around a campfire while Guru Emu explains that bunyip’s origin. While the bird is in a trance, the monster surfaces. The creature attacks and kidnaps the other Freedom Fighters. When Guru Emu awakens, he’s alone, tracking the creature to a near-by dam.

Mike Gallagher has really been leaning on exposition here of late. Far too much of “Sadly Myth Taken’s” second half is devoted to Guru Emu dryly detailing what a bunyip is. The dirty hippy goes on about the creature’s mythological roots. It’s as if Gallagher was really impressed with himself, drawing on actual Aboriginal mythology for his goofy story. The action scenes aren’t much to write about. The bunyip is so large that it forces Dave Manak to draw the characters very small, creating a serious lack of detail. The bunyip itself is an uninspired creation, a big, grey, and indistinct creature with trees growing out of his head.

A part of me really wants to hate this two-parter. Archie disturbing the flow of the story to goof around for two issues should be annoying. That the story itself is so lame and pointless should also frustrate me. But it doesn’t, possibly because any escape from the high-strung plotting and melodrama of the book’s Dork Age is welcomed. It’s crap but a different flavor of crap from what we’ve been getting recently. Consider that the faintest of faint praise. Click the picture above for more goofballery. [5/10]

KNUCKLES FAMILY TREE!

If this blog hasn’t made it entirely apparent, I have a real love-hate relationship with Ken Penders’ work on Archie’s “Sonic” book. On one hand, I love the world he created for the comics. I’m fond of many of the characters he added to Sonic’s universe. He even popped out a decent story every once in a while. On the other hand, his quirks as a writer were often infuriating. He relied too much on self-involved mythology. He often sidelined interesting characters and conflicts for bullshit nobody cared about. He sucked at pacing and story construction. He was also seemingly unable to tell his heroes from his assholes.

My own feelings are mixed but I certainly believe most of the vitriol directed at Penders is misplaced, even if he does act like a tool on Twitter. Everyone hates him for suing Archie and necessitating a reboot of the comic’s world. (Paradoxically, many of these same people claim the rebooted comic is far superior to anything from the prior continuity.) But a little bit of research proves that Archie really did screw over Ken and other writers and artists. His attempts to cash in on his meager comic book fame have been atrocious. Yet who can blame the guy for trying to make money doing something he loves, utilizing what recognition he has?

I try to be fair to ol’ Penders but Hedgehogs Can’t Swim has certainly done its fair share of ribbing at his expense. And I don’t intend on stopping now! Because if anything is fair game, it’s the many dumb and awful names Ken has cooked up for his echidna guardians. So, presented below, is Knuckles’ family tree edited for my own amusement. Embiggen for further enjoyment. I apologize for nothing.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 103

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 103
Publication Date: October 2001

Archie has done it before. Their “Sonic the Hedgehog” series was heavily serialized by this point. Occasionally, Archie would interrupt the on-going plot with some ridiculous story outside of continuity. Usually, these concepts were things that had clearly been sitting on a shelf for some time, put aside for when a deadline quickly needed filling. It’s quite apparent to me that such a situation led to the two-parter that filled issues 103 and 104. Both the cover story and back-up were created by Mike Gallagher, who hasn’t written for the book for a while. Both stories hearken back to the comic’s early days, when “Sonic” was filled with silly parodies, slapstick, and sight gags.

Issue 103’s cover story is, specifically, a parody of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy. When people hear that name today, they think of lovable characters like Rocket Racoon, Groot, and Starlord. They think of the hugely successful film adaptations from James Gunn. Archie wasn’t paying homage to that version of the Guardians, which wouldn’t come into existence until years later. Instead, they were goofing on the version of the team that existed in the early nineties. This particular incarnation of the Guardians has a cult following but it still pretty obscure. Even huge nerds are unlikely to be familiar with characters like Nikki or Aleta Ogord.

Why would Archie build an entire two-parter around referencing such an overlooked group of characters? The “Sonic” editors were obviously friendly with Jim Valentino, since the artists previously worked on “Sonic Super Special” and “Knuckles the Echidna.” Valentino would come to fame for his 29 issue run as writer and artist on “Guardians of the Galaxy,” which was mildly popular. And who followed Valentino as the writer of that series? None other then Mike Gallagher, who not coincidentally wrote these two issues. In other words, this dumb story is basically an in-joke between friends, inflicted on Sega’s blue hedgehog for some reason.

So, anyway, what the hell is this damn thing about? Zonic the Zone Cop presents the tale as taking place in an alternate zone. Sonic returns to Mobius, after spending a thousand years drifting in space. While he was up there, oyster-headed aliens built him a super suit that transferred his super speed into psychic, kinetic energy. Upon touching down, he sees that the planet has been transformed into a hellish wasteland. After fighting a series of robotic Knuckles, he meets a group of galactic superheroes, descendants of the Freedom Fighters he knew.

In order to find a parody amusing, one must be at least somewhat familiar with the source material being parodied. While it’s not necessary to enjoy them, “Young Frankenstein” and “Airplane!” are way funnier if you’ve seen a few Universal Frankenstein flicks or the “Airport” movies. Like the majority of people, I’ve never read Valentino’s run on “Guardians of the Galaxy.” So I don’t really get the gag. Even if I did, I suspect “Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy” isn’t the best parody. The jokes mostly extend to creating mash-ups between the Marvel and Sonic characters, with punny names like Tailon or Twan-Du.

In truth, quite a bit of the comic is devoted to painful exposition. Zonic talks about this zone. Sonic explains how he got tossed in space, how he got his new powers. Tailon explains how Robotnik destroyed Mobius during a War of the World. (Yes, they call it that.) The Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy explain their individual powers. After the fight is over, the members of the team provide their back stories, involving the Freedom Fighters traveling to other worlds and adapting to the new environments in different ways. Gallagher even indulges in some exposition of his own, by explaining that an evil race of aliens called the Sharks grew out of the Forty Fathom Freedom Fighters. (In another throwback to the book’s old days, Gallagher directly asks the reader if they want to see more of the Sharks. Considering this is their only appearance, the answer was presumably “no.”) If there are jokes here, they’re buried under the weight of countless info-dumps.

Presumably, Gallagher and Valentino’s work on the actual “Guardians of the Galaxy” was less strangled by explaining who the characters are. When not expounding on everyone’s personality, this issue features some mildly captivating action. Sonic and Tailon smash some Brass Knuckles. The Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy shoot laser beams, leap around, and display super strength. It would be more diverting if the characters didn’t have to stop and give us their life stories every other panel.

During his previous go-arounds at Archie’s various “Sonic” titles, Valentino’s artwork has been iffy. His illustrations for the Image crossover were incredibly flat. His “Knuckles” pencils were hideous. He does somewhat better here. The character designs are fairly unappealing, especially Hawkhawk, a new character that is a spoof of Starhawk. But nobody bends in horrifyingly ugly ways. Sally and Bunnie even look quite fetching, poured into their superhero suits. Valentino experiments with the page lay-out in mildly interesting ways. It’s not a great looking book but it doesn’t cause my eyes to melt out of my sockets.

Issue 103 is a Mike Gallagher two-fer. “Myth Taken Identity” revolves around Gallagher’s beloved Downunda Freedom Fighters. After Wombat Stu left the island to join King Acorn’s Secret Service, the team holds auditions for a new fifth member. The disappointing turn-out causes them to reminisce over how the team came together in the first place. Afterwards, one of the applicants is brutalized by the Bunyip, a fearsome creature from Australian mythology.

Much like the cover story, “Myth Taken Identity” is front-loaded with exposition. But at least, this time, it concerns characters we have some investment in. Most of the back story revolves around an origin story for the Downunda Freedom Fighters, something I might have wondered about in the past. It’s a bit underwhelming. Walt Wallaby literally stumbled into Guru Emu. In quick succession, the two met up with Duck Bill, Wombat Stu, and Barby Koala. Disgusted with Crocbot’s burgeoning take-over of the continent, they united to fight against him. I would’ve preferred the team coming together in a more natural way. But it is sort of neat to learn their origin.

It’s a shame that “Myth Taken Identity” is mostly devoted to goofy jokes. The first two pages focus on the applicants for the team, all of whom are goofy joke characters. Such as a kookaburra who sings badly, a mildly racist immigrant rabbit, and Ram Marino, a ram football player. Since one Marvel reference wasn’t enough for Gallagher, one of the applicants is Dare-Dingo, a dingo version of Daredevil. Befitting the jokey tone, Dave Manak draws the story. It’s clear Manak hasn’t drawn these characters in a while, as they are quite off-model.

Issue 103 isn’t very good but, you know, it doesn’t offend me. It’s a harmless joke, too dumb to be annoying. And it’s not as if the current storyline was super involving, so I don’t mind it being interrupted too much. The back-up is also very dumb but mildly interesting. Speaking of stupid in-jokes, come back next time not for the second part of this story but something entirely different instead! [5/10]