Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 4.41: Attack on Pinball Fortress

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 4.41: Attack on Pinball Fortress

Original Air Date: October 14th, 1993

An odd quirk of Sonic's early years, in North America anyway, was that the spin-off games were sometimes just as promoted, if not more so, than the mainline "Sonic" video games produced by Sonic Team. "Sonic 1" and 2 wouldn't receive adaptations in the American comic until two full decades later. "Sonic 3" was adapted but it wasn't treated as a special issue. It would take Archie a while to capitalize on Knuckles' fandom popularity, while the echidna wouldn't appear in an American cartoon for several more years. Meanwhile, Archie would give side titles like "Triple Trouble" or "3-D Blast" stand alone adaptations. "3-D Blast" would be referenced by the American Christmas special and even the ultimately unfinished "Sonic X-Treme" would receive a number of tie-ins.

"Sonic Spinball" was especially heavily-promoted in the states. Archie heavily trumpeted the connection in the comic. An episode of "SatAM" would prominently feature pinball and was itself adapted from a short "Sonic" novel with the same premise. "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would also adapt "Spinball," with the episode "Attack on Pinball Fortess," which aired the October before the game's stateside release. It's easy to figure out why this is so: "Spinball" was designed by Sega's American branch and was, like the whole franchise at the time, specifically made to appeal to American sensibilities. But it does look odd in retrospect, now that Sega keeps a much tighter leash on "Sonic" tie-in media.

"Spinball" was also one of the more heavily plotted "Sonic" games at the time, with cut scenes and explicit references to both "SatAM" and "AoStH." And the cartoon pretty much threw all of that out. Robotnik has built a new device, the Stupidity Ray, which renders anyone zapped with it a drooling moron. Sgt. Doberman and Wes Weasly both foresee this device as valuable to their own goals. They plot to steal it but Sonic destroys the original. Robotnik goes about building a giant Stupidity Ray from within his Pinball Fortress. Doberman and Wes tag along with Sonic as he breaks in to destroy the device before Robotnik zaps the whole globe with it. 

As you might've realized from that plot synopsis, "Attack on Pinball Fortress" is the vaguest of adaptations of the video game. No mention is made of the Veg-O-Fortress or Rexxon. A robotic scorpion named Boss Scorpion -- presumably inspired by Scorpius, the game's level one boss -- shows up briefly. There's some lava in one scene, sort of like the second stage, and an easily missed mention of the Toxic Caves. There's only one scene featuring pinball-like traps and it's nothing like the pinball elements in the actual game. No explanation is provided for why Robotnik has a pinball-themed fortress either. It seems likely to me that writer Bob Forward was told the general gist of the game, shown some production artwork, and riffed from there. 

The Stupidity Ray is, in fact, the focus for far more of the episode. And if you think "AoStH's" regular humor is pretty stupid and shrill, a stupidity-causing ray gun allows things to go into high gear. A potential customer of Wes' – who has a very disturbing face – is turned into a blabbering loony by the ray. Robotnik, when he is inevitably blasted with it at the end of the episode, is reduced to a blubbering doofus. In-between this one and the baby episode, poor Long John Baldry had to simper like a nincompoop a lot for this show. About the only actual humor derived from the Stupidity Ray is when Scratch gets zapped by it... And is completely unaffected, as he can't get any dumber. That's a solid gag. (The weapon also leads to a hilarious "Sonic Sez" segment where the hedgehog actually tells kids to stay in school, but that's a laugh of the decidedly unintentional variety.)

What's most interesting about the Stupidity Ray is the very unusual subtext it cooks into the episode. Sgt. Doberman previously only appeared as a one-off gag character in "Tails' New Home" but the show brought him back seemingly to mock the military. The Stupidity Ray doesn't turn Doberman's recruits into Pauly Shore-ian dumbasses. Instead, it turns them into ideal soldiers. Doberman is willing to resort to theft and treachery in order to retrieve the Ray. Did... did this show just call all soldiers idiots? And made its sole prominent military man an oft-mocked villain? A kids show inserting a message like that today would be controversial. I'm assuming "AoStH" only got away with it because nobody was watching that closely. 

In fact, I'm going to assume some things about Bob Forward's political beliefs, as this episode also has a roundabout anti-capitalism message. Wes Weasly is, of course, not much more than a con artist. His default mode is already sneaky and underhanded. He sees the Stupidity Ray as a way to fleece people even more easily. Both Wes and Doberman betray each other at a moment's notice and are repeatedly mocked. So Mr. Forward is saying that the military makes you stupid and businessmen just want to steal from you. And, if you want to be cool like Sonic, you need to act outside both systems and take direct action against evil. Fuck yeah.

I wish the episode itself was less painfully unfunny, because I really want to give this one a full endorsement. It's a shame the comedy is so inane, the animation so ugly, and the story so dumb. Oh well. At least I can cherry-pick this episode next time I want to make the argument that Sonic is a radical, left-wing hero. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 37

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 37

Publication Date: February 24th, 2021

Guys, it's taken almost three years but I think I finally am a fan of IDW's "Sonic" comic. Maybe that's just enough time that the wounds from Archie "Sonic's" unceremonious death have healed. Or maybe, after thirty-six issues and two mini-series, IDW "Sonic" finally feels like a world distinct from either the video games or the previous comic. Or, if you'll allow for a third maybe here, perhaps Ian Flynn letting Evan Stanley into the head-writer's chair for a bit has allowed for a much-needed fresh perspective and style. Whatever the answer, the characters I like have evolved into characters I'm invested in and I'm actually curious to see where things will head next. 

Let's kick off a brand new story arc: "Test Run!" Sonic, Tails, and Amy take Belle to the new underground Restoration headquarters. They are determined the little puppet can fit in somewhere but Belle's robotic nature and clumsiness causes her difficulties with finding friends. That is until she meets Tangle, who is immediately smitten with Belle. Meanwhile, strange weather patterns begin to roll over the countryside. They are emanating from an unusual base off the coast of Seaside City. Sonic, Tails, and Amy investigate, discovering Egg Pawns and a shifting sense of reality. Even though they are told to stay out, Tangle and Belle hijack a hover-bike and head off on their own adventure.

I'm really intrigued by Belle. She wants to fit in but finds herself an outcast everywhere she seems to go. People are suspicious of her because she's a little wooden puppet, instead of an organic being. While working in the Restoration garage, she accidentally causes a boat-dropping mishap. This just emphasizes the sense of alienation she already feels, from not knowing who her creator is. I genuinely cannot wait to see what happens when Belle discovers Robotnik is her dad. Whether she's compelled to join his evil empire or remains on the side of good, the poor girl is headed for some serious trauma. And, speaking as a sadist, that is very compelling! 

This issue also proves that Tangle can literally have chemistry with a piece of wood. As she did with Whisper, Tangle's irrepressible energy and sunniness brings another sad girl out of her shell. Tangle longs for adventure and Belle remains determined to find her creator, so the two have compatible goals. More importantly, it's just fun watching the always-enthusiastic Tangle bounce off someone with complimenting energy. This also allow Stanley to write to her strength, as quirky dialogue and "just-hanging-out" moments continue to be her best scenes. (Intentionally or not, Stanley also baits the shippers in the moment where Tangle fixates on Belle's tail. This lemur better not cheat on Whisper!)

Beyond the more character driven moments, Stanley also manages to think up a compelling action/adventure plot this month. After entering the mysterious new Eggman base, Sonic, Tails and Amy accidentally barrel through some sort of portal. They wander seemingly endless hallways for a while before realizing that the interior of the base is constantly expanding. They are trapped in an ever-changing and re-shifting labyrinth. IDW "Sonic" surprised me in 2019 by becoming a zombie comic and it surprises me in 2021 by paying homage to "House of Leaves." The final panel suggests Stanley may take this existential horror premise and go to even more temporal-shattering areas. Interesting!

While I'm doubtful anybody at IDW got the angry memos I've sent, "Test Run: Part 1" also addresses a complaint I've had with the aftermath of the Metal Virus arc. This issue actually shows the Restoration restoring things. Underneath the ruins of one of the devastated towns, a new community had been built. It looks like a cross between a shopping mall and a train station. There's even a grocery store! This isn't just a new home for displaced citizens, it's also a new base of operations. The good guys having a hidden, underground base is giving me happy flashbacks to the Archie-verse's Freedom HQ. But it also just makes sense. A secret, underground city makes everyone safer from Eggman. 

It's a nice bit of world-building and not the only instance in this issue. It seems to me that Flynn and his team have been reluctant to flood the new "Sonic" comic with original characters, perhaps wanting to avoid the cast bloat that afflicted the Archie book so much. Yet you can't just stick Sega characters wherever, so the book has gotten into the habit of introduction new characters without actually naming them. A sheep girl has been seen in the background since issue 2, previously joined the Restoration at some point, and shows up again here. We also meet a hippy orangutan, who turns on Belle way too quickly for my taste, as the Restoration mechanic. I think it's time the book stops fucking around and let's these characters graduate to full-blown cast members. It's not gonna hurt anyone if they have real names. (Twitter informs me that Sheep Girl's real name is Lanolin.) If that sounds like a complaint, it's not. I like that the book is organically growing its cast like this. 

If I had to find something to bitch about, it's that I still prefer Amy as the tough-nosed leader of the Restoration than Sonic's fawning fan girl. It seems there's been a deliberate choice to shift her character away from a tactician to just another of Sonic's sidekicks. (It honestly feels a lot like a Sega mandate but who knows.) Still, this is a pretty good issue. Adam Bryce Thomas' art is great. The shot of the ruined town on the first page is fantastic and his expressive character work remains unmatched. The story arc has me hooked. If Stanley can avoid shoving in too much shit, like she did in her last arc, this is off to a very promising start. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.38: Sonic the Matchmaker

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.38: Sonic the Matchmaker

Original Air Date: October 13th, 1993

"Sonic the Matchmaker" is another rare episode of "Adventures" that displays a bit of continuity, bringing back two characters from previous episodes. (Sort of. More on that in a minute.) Robotnik desires companionship and decides to build himself a robot wife. In order to make sure she doesn't betray him like previous creations, he orders Scratch and Grounder to retrieve two of those rebellious machines: Breezie and Robotnik Jr. After Breezie is snatched on live television, Sonic and Tails set off to rescue her and Junior. While in captivity, Junior develops a crush on Breezie, asking for Tails' help to win the hedgehog-bot's heart. With his bride in tow, Robotnik decides to destroy a village's water supply on his honeymoon, bringing these divergent plot points together. 

Yes, once again, my decision to watch "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" in its original air order has fucked things up. This episode takes place after Robotnik Jr.'s introduction in "Robotnik Jr.," the twenty-ninth episode produced. This installment even features clips from that earlier episode. Despite that, whatever screwheads decided the airing order put this one before its proper prequel. I'm sure that confused some kids in 1993, so I guess it's fitting that I accurately recreate that frustration now. (Also, I'm pretty sure I said Breezie's introduction in "Lovesick Sonic" was her sole appearance, totally forgetting about this later episode. So I double fucked-up here.)

But anyway, let's discuss something more important: The sex drives of these cartoon characters. After they are late for dinner, Robotnik demands that Scratch and Grounder make him happy, an unnerving double entendre that I assumed was unintentional... Until a few minutes later, when Robotnik confirms that he is in fact talking about romantic companionship. He soon builds himself a "Bride of Frankenstein"-inspired wife named Omletta. And if you thought the writers were being coy with the adult implications of this, Grounder makes sure to note that Robotnik's robo-bride is fucking stacked. So we are forced to face an unpleasant truth: Robotnik can get horny and is willing to build a robot to help resolve this problem. 

Thankfully, that's the extend of the adult subtext this time. (Though Breezie's cleavage and sex kitten purr are maintained. There's also some shots of her tied up, if you're into that kind of thing.) Robotnik's honeymoon seems devoted to Omletta pampering him only in G-rated ways. In fact, the focus of Robotnik's honeymoon is his Immortan Joe-style desire to drain a local waterfall and destroy the surrounding community's ecosystem. This move characterizes Robotnik as a distinctly different type of evil dictator. He's not Hitler or Mussolini, but closer to Papa Doc or Idi Amin. He's willing to totally destroy the world and people around him to further his hedonistic lifestyle or whatever childish whims he has that day. That would be scary if this was any other type of show.

 

But Robotnik's despotic nature is not the real topic of this episode. That would be romance. Junior wants some of Breezie's sweet robotic hedgehog lovin' but she only has eyes for Sonic. Despite what the end of "Lovesick Sonic" suggested, our hero is not willing to rekindle a romance with Breezie. Though he pretty clearly still finds her attractive, her robotic nature is off-putting to him. (The writers probably should've made Breezie's previous betrayal the real deal breaker for Sonic but this show isn't that smart.) Despite Sonic repeatedly pointing out that Breezie isn't his type, she continues to hold feelings for him. Sonic friend-zoning a robot built specifically to seduce him probably could've led to a pretty interesting episode but it's just one idea floating around inside this dumbass script.

Junior having the hots for Breezie drives much of the episode. His methods are, as the kids say, "problematic." Breezie thinks Junior is kind of dorky, which is accurate. Instead of accepting she doesn't like him, or at least seeking some self-improvement, Junior and Tails engineer contrived scenarios that will make Junior look heroic. They don't work but Junior is also never judged for his manipulative tactics. Later, Breezie has a totally abrupt change of heart. She heroically rescues Junior from a waterfall. In a totally shift of personality for her, she decides Junior's pathetic dependence on her is sexy and the two end up together. (Sonic then suggests he has a similar relationship with Tails, creating some hilariously unfortunate implications.)

So, yes, here's a kids cartoon telling young boys that it's okay, or at least not a big deal, to lie and manipulate girls to get them to like you. The moral seems to be that a sexy girl will eventually come around to loving you, if you're pathetic just long enough. Shitty, wish-fulfillment-y writing like this is part of why so many young boys grew into entitled men and incels. Yet another thing we can blame on Sonic the Hedgehog... More pointedly, it's just bad writing. A better ending would've been Junior realizing his jerky behavior means he's not ready for a relationship yet. At the very least, Breezie remaining fixated on Sonic, and Junior going to even more pathetic depths to win her heart, would've been funnier. 

No, the old weirdos who wrote and drew this show can only imagine sexy women as wanting to fuck men or torment them, which is what happens with Robotnik and Omletta. I'm not blaming the show for its casual sexism, as that was the culture at the time, but it still ends up being the most interesting thing about a pretty bland episode. Maybe this show is more compelling when the writers let their freak flags fly, "Zoobotnik"-style, as their attempts at normal romance are dysfunctional. Either way, there's really no excuse for an episode that starts out so screwy ending in such a routine manner. "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," I demand you be more insane and perverted more often. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.28: Musta Been a Beautiful Baby

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.28: Musta Been a Beautiful Baby

Original Air Date: October 12th, 1993

“You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby” is a famous pop song originally recorded in 1938 by Dick Powell. The song quickly became a standard and has been famously covered over the decades by performers like Bing Crosby and Bobby Darin. Why am I bringing this up? Because the writers of the twenty-eighth episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” felt the need to reference the by-then fifty year old song in the title of their children’s cartoon. It wasn’t a totally obscure reference. The song was featured in Looney Tunes cartoons and various advertisements when I was a kid, so I had at least heard snippets of it. (I’ve actually never heard the whole song but I’m assuming it’s about Dick Powell saying you were a really sexy baby.) Considering this episode also features shout-outs to “Adventures of Superman” and “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” two other things old people love to reference, I’m crediting boomer nostalgia once again for this creative choice.

The episode just doesn’t take its title from the classic song but seemingly its premise too. After Robotnik’s latest invention — a machine that cause fatal static cling — fails to bring Sonic down, he has a temper-tantrum... Which incidentally leads him to another wacky invention. How about a ray that ages Sonic into an old hedgehog? Surely that would make him easier to kill? Sonic and Tails are cornered in a dehydrated food factory by Scratch and Grounder. Naturally, the robots fuck it up and put the Decrepitizer in reverse, turning Sonic and Tails into babies. Further shenanigans result in Robotnik making a similar transformation. Soon, all three are placed in an orphanage run by Miss Saccharine, getting into all sorts of (even more) childish antics. 

One of the more well-known pop culture fads of the late eighties and early nineties was making rebooting well-worn characters by turning them into tiny children. We owe this trend to the success of “Muppet Babies.” This virus soon spread to the Looney Tunes (twice!), the Flintstones, Tom and Jerry, the cast of “The Jungle Book” and probably some others I’m forgetting. This was such a prolific trend at the time that this isn’t even the first mention of the “Spin-Off Babies” fad I’ve made on this blog. Considering “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” was the hackiest of all the hacky “Sonic” adaptations, I’m not shocked the writers decided to just crib an idea from Jim Henson and co. “What if Sonic, Tails, and Robotnik got turned into babies?” is a relatively easy premise to cook up.

While all those other babified spin-offs were, at the very least, inoffensively bland, “AoStH’s” sole excursion into this premise is ghastly. Turning the show’s central trio into babies gives this already obnoxious, grotesque show even more of an excuse to indulge its worst impulses. When voicing Baby Sonic, Jaleel White just does his Urkel voice... But adds an adowable speech impediment, making an awful sound even more ear-splitting. Long John Baldry follows a similar lead when voicing Baby Robotnik, shackling his considerable talent to an utterly irritating vocal tic. Baby Tails mostly just repeats “googoo poopoo” — also an accurate description of this episode — and sucks his thumb. While the sight of Sonic and friends in diapers may thrill certain citizens of the internet, it appeals to me not at all. I don’t want to think about Sonic shitting himself. 

The episode’s comedic ideas basically begins and ends with the baby gimmick too. Once small Sonic, tiny Tails, and rookie Robotnik end up at the orphanage, the script falls into a lazy pattern: Robotnik sets up a trap, Sonic redirects it, and Robotnik is humiliated. Okay, yes, that’s the formula for every episode of this show. Playing out this cycle with annoying baby versions of the characters just makes it seem all the more pathetic. Kindergarten traps, involving seesaws and jelly beans, do not amuse. Also, this episode ends with a literal toddler being tied to the muffler of a car and dragged through town. Which seems excessively sadistic even by the cartoon logic of this show. 

The sometimes aesthetically displeasing animation style of “AoStH,” you may not be surprised to read, does not lend itself to cutesy baby characters well. Baby Sonic and Tails aren’t all that terrifying. Baby Robotnik, meanwhile, is a damnable abomination that should not be. Pasting Robotnik’s orange mustache, squinty — but demonically red — eyes, and lumpy flesh on a cherubic baby body brings Chucky to mind. He spends nearly the whole episode in a crimson (bloody?) nappy, because this show thinks half-naked Robotnik is inherently hilarious. (And, not that it matters, but this baby Robotnik looks nothing like the blob child we saw in “Momma Robotnik’s Birthday.”)

It’s not just the babies that look weird. Miss Saccharine is a wrinkly, lemon-faced creature. She’s supposed to be an old lady but her cartoony proportions make her look like a badly drawn cartoon pig instead. This episode’s bizarre digression involving “instant food” also results in Tails inflating into a morbidly obese version of himself within seconds. Because predicting one creepy internet fetish simply wasn’t enough for this show. The only bits in here I found amusing were Scratch and Grounder declaring each other stupid, in an attempt to win Robotnik’s favor, and the Decrepitizer turning lab rats into an old Jewish couple. And that joke was only funny because it was so random. 

Aside from how painfully unfunny and unpleasant the episode is, “Musta Been a Beautiful Baby”  is notable to me for one other reason. The concluding “Sonic Sez” segment has Sonic informing kids not to climb inside washing machines, an occurrence apparently frequent enough that this show felt the need to instruct against it. This bizarre moral has stuck in my memories all these years. In fact, I think this “Sonic Sez” segment was the very first bit of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” I ever saw. I can vividly recall watching this scene in the living room of my childhood best friend's house. Weirdly, I have no memorable of watching the proceeding episode. I suspect I must've flicked over to this channel just as the show was ending, which was the kind of thing you had to deal with in the days before Netflix and DVR.

So, yes, this episode – or rather, it's dumb-ass edutainment segment – is probably the first episode of this iteration of “Sonic” I ever saw. Perhaps it's a good thing I have no memory of the rest of “Musta Been a Beautiful Beauty.” For it might very well be the least enjoyable episode of this series I've watched thus far. It's like twenty minutes of nails on the chalkboard to me. I'm afraid to ask if this show ever goes lower but I won't be shocked if it does. [3/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.24: Tails in Charge

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.24: Tails in Charge

Original Air Date: October 11th, 1993

As the title indicates, "Tails in Charge" has Sonic's little buddy taking center stage. Robotnik builds a machine called the Stopper Zapper, a ray gun that can stop anyone in their tracks by turning them into a stone-like object. He deploys Scratch and Grounder to shoot Sonic with this ray. After a series of zany traps involving chili dogs, our heroes are attempting to escape when Tails goes back for his skateboard. This leaves Sonic vulnerable and he gets zapped. Now, Tails has to protect his petrified pal and defend himself from the two incompetent lackeys. 

Since Sonic's speed is his defining characteristic, and his primary advantage over Robotnik, it only makes sense that various attempts have been made over the years to strip that speed away. This idea was the focus of a "SatAM" episode and an early issue of Archie "Sonic," and probably other "Sonic" stories, so it's unsurprising that "AoStH" would try their hand at this premise too... And have already kind of done it. Though this time he's turned totally inert, instead of merely slowed down. I'm not even halfway through this retrospective and episode premises are already starting to be recycled some. Once again, you can tell how eager the writers were to get these scripts done. 

But it's actually okay, because this episode isn't really about slowing Sonic down. Instead, the premise of this one is Tails having to defend himself while his best buddy is out-of-commission. Which is a good idea for a story and "Tails in Charge" does better with it than expected. No, the episode never addresses how Sonic getting turned to stone is kind of Tails' fault. Where did that skateboard he was suddenly carrying around come from anyway? The fox never has much guilt over his role in that. Yet watching Tails defend himself is compelling. Scratch and Grounder may be jokes but, to a little kid like Tails, they are capable of being intimidating. Most of this episode involves the little fox buddy hiding in a factory, trying to outthink his increasingly brute strength opponents. 

If this show wasn't a goofy kids comedy, it might've been able to generate some actual tension from this premise. Tails and the petrified Sonic hiding in an office, while Scratch and Grounder sulk around outside, might've generated some suspense. Still, it is kind of cute watching Tails follow in Sonic's footstep. At one point, he dons a military police uniform and attempts to trick Scratch and Grounder, much like Sonic has a hundred times before. It almost works too, before Tails' most prominent physical features gives him away. 

I know Ben Hurst of "SatAM" was really invested in Tails' potential. It was a theme the comics touched on often too. Sometimes, Ian Flynn has over-corrected and taken Tails from a scared kid to a hyper-competent badass. "Tails in Charge" doesn't go that far. Scratch, Grounder, and this version of Robotnik are all pretty easy to fool. But this episode is far more compelling when Tails is a little outmatched, then at the end where he's sending the Badniks through a series of elaborate traps and casually munching chili dogs the whole time. 

"Tails in Charge" would still probably be among "AoStH's" best episodes, if it didn't take so long to get to the point. Only about half the episode is devoted to Tails' predicament. There's a long stretch in the beginning, devoted to the typical slapstick shenanigans. There's a huge boulder, a giant slingshot, a gravestone, and yet another fake chili dog stand. Two physical gags strike me as especially baffling. Sonic feeds Grounder a super spicy chili dog which causes his cheeks to blow out, transforming his head into a bulldog's head. He then grows a cat head and what is either chili, blood, or liquid diarrhea spurts from his neck. That was weird but not as inexplicable as a moment where a bird lands on a rock and does a disco dance. No wonder YouTube Poopers loved this show. It was random internet comedy before random internet comedy was a thing. 

Even with the typical stupidity you associate with "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," this is still among the show's better episodes. It has a clever idea at the center of its story, features a little character development, shakes up the typical formula, and isn't solely focused on weirdo slapstick humor. For this particular "Sonic" cartoon, that's a glowing recommendation. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.40: Zoobotnik

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.40: Zoobotnik

Original Air Date: October 8th, 1993

As I've pointed out before, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" contributed roughly a hundred new characters to "Sonic" lore, as the writers would often throw some random numbskull into the stew to generate a new story. Most of these characters were never seen again and are forgotten by all but the most hardcore "Sonic" obsessives. However, a few would become small-time cult favorites. The comics resurrected Von Schlemmer, Wes Weasly, and Breezie to minor acclaim. Breezie, being a female Sonic character, was already a point of fixation for a few fans. The other minor "AoStH" character to be fondly recalled by some psychos is Katella, for reasons that will become all too obvious in a minute. Her only appearance is in "Zoobotnik," an episode I'm not sure I've ever seen before. 

Fuzzy animal people and other assorted weirdos all over the planet Mobius are disappearing. Sonic at first dismisses this news as media sensationalism but changes his tune after Tails is snatched right in front of him. After Coconuts spies a UFO, Robotnik soon deduces that Katella the Huntress is responsible. She is an intergalactically renowned alien, who collects creatures from different planets and imprisoned them in a space zoo. Robotnik invites her to dinner in hopes of forming a partnership. This works too well, as Katella immediately falls in love with Robotnik, smitten with his evilness. She's actually too much woman for Robotnik to handle but he tasks her with catching Sonic anyway. Sonic soon realizes he can use Robotnik's psychotic would-be fiancée to his advantage. 

Mostly as a joke, I've made repeated comments about how "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" accidentally triggered a hundred fetishes in budding young furries, "Zoobotnik" suggests the fetish-y undertones were never an accident. Katella is a realistic looking cartoon woman, far more vividly animated than most of the show's characters. She's about seven feet tall with blazing red hair, Christina Hendricks-ian proportions, and a smoky voice. Her standard outfit is a low-cut jungle woman dress and blue high heels. Other costume changes include a bikini bottomed conga outfit and a low-cut wedding dress. Surprising absolutely no one, Katella has spawned a mountain of fan art, some of it rather clever, most of it way too thirsty to share here. 

The occasional horny character design is not totally unknown within nineties kids cartoons, because these shows were all drawn by lonely nerds. But Katella really takes it further than that. She's a thinly veiled dominatrix. The episode's central joke is that her affection for Robotnik is so overwhelming, she physically smothers him with attention. She's constantly beating him, sometimes unintentionally and sometimes intentionally, which he doesn't enjoy. More than once, she's depicted squeezing his head between her legs or putting him in a chokehold. A series of frames are focused on her heels, which trampled on Scratch and Grounder, who are transformed into a welcome mat. Robotnik even refers to her as an "Amazon" while Katella talks about "wrasslin'" with him. Her violent actions, collecting habit, sudden attraction to big fat stupid Robotnik, and domineering personality all make the sexual preferences of the people who made this episode clear. Kids would never catch this stuff but anyone with a passing familiarity with porn – so every adult alive now – would recognize the intent behind these moments. Yeah, the show runners definitely got horny on main with this one.

Wholly inappropriate horniness aside, "Zoobotnik" remains a very strange episode. Every single installment of "Adventures" features Robotnik being humiliated but this one is laser-focused on it. The central joke could have been funny, as Robotnik desires control but Katella undermines that at every turn. However, the show repeats this gag – a terrifying woman loving Robotnik so much, she kicks his ass every minute – until it loses all value. After a while, it just looks like the writers thought spousal abuse was inherently hilarious. (I was hoping we'd get a tin-earned "Sonic Sez" about domestic violence but, nah, the writers focus on an unrelated moral about being cautious around strange animals.) 

And it's not like we've never seen Robotnik emasculated by a frightening woman before... Something this episode is all too aware, as it ends with Momma Robotnik stepping in and fighting Katella. She doesn't want her son marrying some space bimbo, causing the two ghastly women in Robotnik's life to duke it out. Katella isn't willing to put up with such a horrid mother-in-law, bringing this episode to an end. (Sonic called Momma Robotnik, so he's partially responsible for resolving the story even if it mostly wraps itself up.) As if this episode couldn't get any more uncomfortable, we have an extended cat fight between two unnecessarily busty characters. Katella and Momma Robotnik represent opposite ends of the dominating woman spectrum, proven by Momma Robotnik ending the episode by spanking her son. But I really don't want to talk about this anymore. 

Anyway, let's change the subject please. Alien abduction was a point of cultural fascination in the nineties! Even before "The X-Files" got huge, abductee stories and Roswell conspiracies were common in that decade. "Zoobotnik" is this show's spin on that topic. Katella's saucer even resembles the infamous Phoenix Lights sighting that would occur in 1997. But an alien collecting other species is a not-uncommon sci-fi trope. (The Archie Sonic comics would do their own riff on the idea two years later.) While this is ostensibly the premise of the episode, the focus soon turns more towards Katella beating the shit out of Robotnik. We never even see Katella's zoo and the premise is really just an excuse to get this wildly out-of-place character on the show. 

The extreme weirdness of this episode continues throughout. The style of gags are a different breed of zaniness than usual. Sonic runs into a swami on a mountain and an obese Tarzan lookalike throughout the episode. The Mobians we see in this episode look like more traditional funny animal characters, very at-odds with this show's usual style. The character animation is, in general, far stretchier than usual. Katella bends Robotnik into all sorts of goopy shapes. Sonic and Tails stretch and squash and squat throughout in disturbingly vivid ways. While Katella is realistically animated otherwise, even she gets squished into a heart shape a few times. The final scene features Tails flying around with Sonic's ass clenched in his teeth, a gag that raises a number of extremely distressing implications. 

In other words, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" continues to find new ways to baffle me. This is another aggressively weird, off-putting episode that manages to be aggressively weird and off-putting in markedly different ways than the previously aggressively weird and off-putting episodes. I can see why it's memorable, even beyond the obvious fan service appeal of Katella. It's not like any other bit of "Sonic" media out there, even within this very odd iteration of the franchise. Even though I didn't enjoy this, on account of it making my skin crawl continuously through its twenty-minute run time, it's too unforgettable for me not to give it a middlingly positive score. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.47: Magnificent Sonic

(Before we get to tonight's review, I'm happy to announce that Hedgehogs Can't Swim is now an official affiliate of Archie Sonic Online! That's a fan continuation of the original Archie "Sonic" comics and, in my opinion, the best of all the similar projects. If you're reading this blog, you'll probably enjoy their work. Check it out!)

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.47: Magnificent Sonic

Original Air Date: October 7th, 1993 

Not too long ago, I was talking about how lots of nineties kids media parodied "King Kong," despite that being a movie the target audience of young children probably hadn't seen. Something else that was frequently referenced around the same time, by the same sort of shows, were western. As someone who was there, I can attest to this: Nineties kids didn't really give a shit about westerns. Yes, there were on television all the time, so we probably were familiar with the genre. Lots of us had dads who ate that shit up. But I never played cowboys and Indians with other kids my age. I didn't idolize John Wayne or Clint Eastwood. Ten-gallon hats and cap guns were not part of my play times. Only as an adult have I come to enjoy this particular genre, and usually of the spaghetti variety. Considering the western has become more and more of a niche thing in the intervening two decades, I'm going to say the oater has retreated even further from the forefront of pop culture.

But actual kids don't write kids show. Back in the nineties, they were mostly written by dudes in their forties. And boomers fucking love westerns. So my childhood landscape was filled with parodies of cowboy flicks. A good half of the Nicktoons and Disney Afternoon shows at the time riffed on the genre. Sometimes there were even whole shows based on westerns, such as oddities like "Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa" or "Santo Bugito." So, of course, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" did a western episode. Did you really expect the writers to think of an original idea for a script that day?

"Magnificent Sonic" is not a parody of "The Magnificent Seven," though it does vaguely resemble the Lone Stranger plot of films like "A Fistful of Dollars." Robotnik wants to destroy the desert town of Tranquil Gulch and build a casino in its place. He sends a robot gunslinger in to drive out the residents. Sonic happens by and saves the day. The town folks ask Sonic to become their new sheriff, which he reluctantly agrees to. Despite all his skills, Sonic is a lousy shot with a pistol. He has to use his other skills to save the town when Robotnik sends more trouble their way.

When doing a parody episode, "AoStH" usually just picks a theme and vaguely runs with it. "Magnificent Sonic," for what it's worth, actually does riff on many reoccurring themes of classic westerns. There's a stagecoach chase, a gorge for it to drop into, a saloon and a poker game. Hero and villain meet for a duel in the middle of the streets. There's a montage of people slamming their windows shut before shit goes down. The plot of Robotnik wanting to run off the locals and buy up the town recalls any number of villainous railroad lord plots. 

The episode even features a few surprisingly specific homages. Sonic dons a poncho, concealing a bullet deflecting mirror underneath, a direct callback to "A Fistful of Dollars." (Which was also referenced in "Back to the Future, Part III," so it was in the air at the time.) Robotnik assembles a league of robots with pun names based on classic frontier heroes, like Wired Earp or DOS Holiday. There's a predictable Lone Ranger shout-out at the end. The entire episode's plot even sort of resembles "Support Your Local Sheriff!" None of these parodies or references are especially funny but I have to give the show runners some credit for actually committing to the bit for once.

There is, potentially, a good idea contained within "Magnificent Sonic." Here's an episode where our hyper-confident hero discovers there's something he's not good at. Sonic is a sub-Stormtrooper level shooter. The best joke in the episode is that he literally can't shoot the broad side of a barn. Instead of building a story out of this, of Sonic confronting a flaw and working hard to overcome it, the show just sidesteps the whole issue. Sonic is good enough at everything else that he doesn't need to be a good shot. Fine, that makes sense. But they wasted the potential dramatic tension and character development.

Perhaps a reason the western declined as kids entertainment in the nineties is because this was also the decade of heightened gun safety awareness. Enough kids had been hurt or killed in gun related incidents that gun safety was a common subject in PSAs at the time. (Including a propaganda campaign from the garbage bags at the NRA.) Censorship often prevented realistic firearms from appearing in kids media. So it surprised me that there's so many gun jokes in "Magnificent Sonic." Yeah, everyone uses sci-if laser pistols, instead of normal six-shooters. But there's still a lot of firing and blasting here. There are three separate jokes were characters mimed putting a gun barrel to their heads and pulling the trigger. The "Sonic Says" segment, unsurprisingly, is focused on gun safety. It comes off as incredibly half-assed after twenty minutes of robots shooting and being shot at.

That's not the only inappropriate reference in this episode, as Sonic also plays a round of strip poker with Scratch and Grounder. It goes very literally – the robots disassemble themselves after every losing hand – but I was still surprised that term was even used in a kids cartoon. This is also one of the rare "Adventures" that gives Sonic a love interest. He gets pretty cozy with Miss Possum, the owner of the local saloon... Who also always wears fishnet stockings, a clothing choice more associated with another type of frontier businesswoman. She's not as oversexed as Breezie but only barely.

This episode also includes a bizarre sequence where Robotnik is wearing a hyper-realistic Sonic mask, destroying his own lab in his attempt to remove it. This show was fucking weird sometimes. Anyway, it's another middling episode but it definitely could've been worse. I'll give this one some points for that. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.01: Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.01: Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad

Original Air Date: October 6th, 1993

After reviewing twenty-two of these fucking things, I'm finally getting around to reviewing the first episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." Hey, this wildly out-of-order viewing cycle is not totally my fault. As previously discussed, local affiliates could choose to show the series in whatever order they wanted. (Presumably front-lining the episodes they thought were most eye-catching.) Even though "Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad" is obviously set up to be the first episode, I guess someone figured it was better served being towards the middle. Since I seek to replicate my childhood watching experience as closely as possible, this is the order I'm going with. I know, it doesn't really make any sense but I have to be me, you guys. 

Anyway! Even though "Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad" is the first episode of "Adventures," it begins like any other. Only after Scratch and Grounder have Sonic lassoed in a tree does the hedgehog begin to explain how the group first met. Some time ago, Robotnik designated Sonic as Mobius' number one fugitive. After a number of other robotic bounty hunters failed to capture him, Robotnik attempted to build Scratch and Grounder as the ultimate Sonic-catching machines. And the hedgehog has been humiliating them ever since. 

"AoStH" was not a series especially concerned with serial storytelling but "Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad" – I'm not typing out that full title again – does function as something of an origin story for the show. How much power Robotnik has over Mobius, whether he's a full-blown global tyrant or just a petty dictator trying to take over the world, is still vaguely defined. But we do learn that Sonic is technically a criminal, standing up to someone in power, and there's a price on his head for that reason. (That price is one billion Mobians, suggesting Mobius' exchange rate is really poor.) So that's why Sonic and Tails are always on the run. Where Sonic and Robotnik come from, and why the hedgehog has such a grudge against the fat man, remained unanswered and likely always will. But at least the show has something like an actual set-up now.

As the first episode produced, "SSSSASS" also sets up the pattern nearly every other episode would follow. Scratch and Grounder argue over who Robotnik values more. Their boss/creator demeans them. They put up some stupid trap to catch Sonic, that he easily outwits. In the course of that, the hedgehog dresses up in a disguise, fooling and humiliating his enemies. The repetition begins here and that extends to the series' running gags. Robotnik says he hates that hedgehog, Sonic says he's waiting, chili dogs are established as his favorite food. Even Coconuts and his desperate desire to earn Robotnik's favor is established here. Yes, the writers of this show really did come up with six jokes and then decided they would just repeat them for sixty-five episodes. 

If "SSSSASS" sets up all the jokes the show would run into the ground, it also provides us with an insight into the writers' comedic sensibilities. "Looney Tunes" is obviously the main influence here. One of Scratch and Grounder's main traps involves painting a cityscape on a wall, with the intention of fooling Sonic into running into it. Another gag has Sonic re-routing all of Coconuts' gun barrels to point back at him. Both are these are stolen from classic Coyote/Roadrunner or Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd shorts. Moreover, in the early scenes, you can see a sort of classical cartoon humor being utilized. Robotnik's emotions are exaggerated to humorous effect. When he says he hates Sonic, his teeth are clenched so hard, they shatter. A sign pops out of his head, further emphasizing the intensity of his feelings. These moments didn't make me laugh but they are actual jokes.

So the writers were trying to make something funny with this first episode... At least for the first couple sequences. Yes, in "SSSSASS," we see the show exhaust attempts at humor in real time and begin to rely more on just stupid, random bullshit. Recognizable gags soon degrade into Sonic just humiliating his incredibly stupid enemies in obvious, un-funny ways. Real absurdity gives way to lazy gross-out gags, such as a disturbing scene where Scratch and Grounder's giant, bulbous tongues remain on-screen for a full minute. Visibly noticing the showrunners trying to make something funny and then giving up within a few minutes ends up being more interesting than anything else in this program.

Another question "SSSSASS" answers is why Robotnik puts up with Scratch and Grounder's bullshit. These are the only characters that get definitive origins in this episode. After Sonic made scrap metal out of his horde of bounty hunters, Robotnik built Scratch as a super-intelligent and hyper-capable Sonic-hunting machine. He then created Grounder as a clone of Scratch. Obviously, something went wrong with every single one of those goals. Why Scratch is a big stupid dumb-dumb, and why Grounder looks nothing like him, is not explained. I guess the idea is that Robotnik isn't very good at making robots. But now at least we know why he hasn't scrapped them yet: These guys represent his best try. He doesn't want to junk what was suppose to be his masterpieces, even if they are clearly failures. 

"SSSSASS" – see, that's something I enjoy typing – is also notable in "Sonic" history in another minor way. Aside from being the first episode of the first ever "Sonic" cartoon, it would also directly contribute to one of the earlier video games. The gang of robot bounty hunters Sonic fights contains all of the various opponents from "Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine," the localization of Sega's "Puyo Puyo" puzzle game. And it's sort of funny that this video game, a certified cult classic of the "Sonic" franchise now, would elevate a handful of characters that barely have any dialogue. The only one of the future "Mean Bean" bosses who actually talks is a duck-looking robot in a skirt and Cable-esque shoulder pads that speaks with a vaguely effeminate voice. (The video game would eventually identify him as "Dragon Breath.") Even the two robots that look like a ballsack on wheels and a bicycle pump would end up in the game! It's just funny that characters who couldn't be more minor would be assigned names and personalities by another ancillary arm of this multi-media franchise. 

If it wasn't obvious, this super sassy episode is more interesting for its historical value than its actual content. We see "AoStH" try to be one show before accepting its fate to be another show and that's sort of fun. (If mildly depressing.) The more of this program I begrudgingly write about, the more convinced I am that a behind-the-scenes documentary about its production would probably be more interesting than the actual series. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.15: Too Tall Tails

 

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.15: Too Tall Tails

Original Air Date: October 5th, 1993

Here's another aggressively wacky episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" with a far too convoluted premise. Robotnik kidnaps and tortures – sigh – Professor Von Schlemmer, in order to steal his Gizmo Gas creation. Scratch and Grounder fuck it up and accidentally release the gas over the countryside. After a day of making Coconuts eat shit, Sonic and Tails travel to Wienerville for lunch. No, not the obscure Nickelodeon show but rather a town occupied with anthropomorphic bratwursts. There, Tails accidentally soaks in the gas and grows to giant size. With a newly unquenchable appetite, Tails wrecks the town. Robotnik shows up to turn the sausage-y town folks against the giant fox. (He also bribes them with tacky Dollar Store presents.) Sonic must rescue Von Schlemmer and go on a quest to retrieve the one object that can reverse Tails' condition, before Robotnik destroys him. I got tired typing all that out.

Yes, dear readers, this is another one of those "AoStH" that makes me question my lifelong commitment to the "Sonic" franchise. You could look at this episode and try to ask sensible questions. Why is there a town occupied with walking, talking hot dogs on Mobius? Furthermore, why is their community famous for making especially tasty non-walking, non-talking hot dogs? Are the wieners the residents of Wienerville make and sell made from the same substance as them? Do the hot dog people... excrete these edible dogs in some way? If not, why are these meat-like entities comfortable with selling food to tourists that is in their own image? It would be really weird to find a town famous for sandwiches shaped like the people who live there. You probably wouldn't want to stop there. 

And that's not even getting into why Von Schlemmer invented growing gas. Or why the antidote is a magical garlic flower protected by an inexplicable dragon. Once again, Von Schlemmer's inventions happily dances over the line separating science and magic. And what the fuck did Robotnik plan on doing with this gas anyway? It certainly has offensive applications. Why didn't the episode run with that instead? Robotnik turning gullible small-town bumpkins against Sonic and Tails is a totally solid premise for an episode but it's just one idea included in this collage of inexplicable nonsense. Lastly, why does Tails eat roughly a hundred chili dogs this episode but Sonic touches not a single one, when they are supposed to be his trademark favorite food?

No, no, only madness lies down that path. When faced with absolute lunacy, asking "why" will lead to your own doom. Simply accept the absurdity you are witnessing. Let it wash over you, like a William Burroughs novel or a dosing of LSD in the high school prom punch. Accept that nothing about this makes sense. Besides, we all know the real answer: That the writers were just trying to dump out the wackiest premise possible, as quickly as possible, knowing their audience of ADHD-addled youngsters wouldn't care about any of the disturbing questions these gags raise. Only humorless man-children would watch this stupid bullshit and try to figure out the deeper implications.

"Why is any of this happening?" is the incorrect question to ask. The correct question to ask is "How many people have jerked-off to this?" It's a long running joke that the "Sonic" franchise invented furry depravity and it's almost true. Watching "Too Tall Tails" is like playing a game of Bingo with creepy Internet paraphilias. Tails growing giant brings macrophilia too mind, while his bulging belly invokes inflation fetish. His endless hunger and frequent belches remind you of feederism. There's a joke where Sonic makes Scratch and Grounder pose and flex their suddenly bulging muscles, pleasing folks with muscle kinks. They are specifically described as being sweaty afterwards. Before any of this happens, Robotnik takes off Von Schlemmer's shoes and tickles his unnecessarily detailed feet. (Also unnecessarily detailed: Robotnik's ass through his pants.) Is it possible that I'm just a sick freak whose mind is completely corrupted? Well, yes, absolutely. But it's impossible these days to watch these innocent gags and not be reminded of the kinks they inspired. 

Through the discomfort, confusion, and anger this episode causes, one moment comes together to actually make a degree of sense. After retrieving the magical garlic clove that will undo Tails' condition from a sleeping dragon, Sonic runs through a series of booby traps. These include a giant swinging ball and large spikes poking up through the ground. For one second, my brain snapped out of the stupor this episode had sunk me into to shout "Hey, like in the video game!" I have no doubt this was an intentional shout-back to the games this cartoon was ostensibly created to promote, an increasingly rare event as we've slipped deeper into the "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" quagmire.

I wouldn't be so irritated and baffled by this show's extremely loose and random cartoon logic if it actually managed to make me laugh. Coconuts slams into several walls of varying thickness early on. Scratch and Grounder are tricked by Sonic and crash a shitty car afterwards. (Specifically designated as a DeLorian, another then-relevant pop culture reference that will only confuse the whipper-snappers, who associate DeLorians more with time travel than financial ruin.) Robotnik gets frozen with an ice ray. There's random, blink-and-miss-it shout-outs to Elvis and umbrella hats. But these aren't really jokes. They're just things that happen. And it goes without saying that I find Von Schlemmer incredibly annoying, though thankfully he's not in too many scenes. A moment where he mixes up the word "antidote" and "anecdote" made me audibly groan.

Again, who is the fool here? The person who wrote an episode involving humanoid sausages or the man asking for logic or fine-tuned comedy from them? The answer to that question is self-evident. Once more, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" has defeated me. Trying to parse the interior logic, narrative pacing, or analytical value from this show has done nothing but make my brain hurt. I can say no more other than "yep, this is a cartoon that definitely exist." [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.32: Momma Robotnik's Return

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.32: Momma Robotnik's Return

Original Air Date: October 4th, 1993

Continuity wasn't really a concern with "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." You can watch this show in almost any order and it'll make perfect sense to you. (Which is basically what I'm doing, since the airing order is radically different from the production order.) Most of the one-shot gag characters were exactly that. They showed up once and were never seen again. However, the writers of the show were clearly amused by Robotnik's domineering mother. 23 episodes after "Momma Robotnik's Birthday," they would bring her back in "Momma Robotnik's Return." Her second appearance would air only five episodes after her first one, making it seem like the show was really fond of her. 

This episode begins with a peek at the retirement home Momma is in. In a decent gag, it has barb wire, ten foot tall walls, and watch towers. This still doesn't stop Momma just smashing through those walls and walking right out. Disgusted with her own son's incompetence, Momma Robotnik decides she's going to try her hand at stopping Sonic. Her plan involves adopting the hedgehog as her legal ward and forcing him to be her slave, with an imprisoned and threatened Tails as the bargaining chip. Robotnik is none-too-pleased with being evicted from his fortress by his own mom, and plots to regain power. 

"Momma Robotnik's Birthday" revealed that the show's rotund villain has an abusive relationship with his own mother. In her return, his mom commits the ultimate sin against her child: Complete abandonment. She disowns him and, in a round about way, replaces him with a superior offspring in the form of Sonic. (Who, at least, quickly completes the tasks Momma asks of him.) Scratch and Grounder even seem to like Momma better, probably on account of her being slightly less cruel to them. I think a lot of kids have had this fear, that they could disappoint their own parents so badly that they could cease to be loved. It gives us further insight into Robotnik's psyche, that his mom is so wretched that she would actually go through with this threat. In this light, it becomes clear that his massive ego is a defense mechanism and his incompetence is probably a self-defeating inner flaw. This is what happens when your mom doesn't actually love you. 

But we must face the fact that Robotnik's mom is legitimately a better villain than him. Her plot to adopt Sonic and blackmail him into becoming her slave, of course, would not work anywhere besides the cartoonishly absurd "AoStH" universe. Yet it does works. The Robotnik empire not only looses its greatest enemy but gains a hyper competent servant. She also has the simple solution of putting shackles on Tails' tails, to keep him from flying. Which seems like an obvious solution, in retrospect. She also proves that Scratch and Grounder can be useful minions if not constantly treated like shit. With Sonic under her control, she successfully activates Robotnik's latest plan: A radio tower that makes every machine on Mobius a potential tool of Robotnik. (A plot point that is never actually resolved, because this show can never be anything but sloppy.)

Robotnik's mom does come closer to defeating Sonic than he ever did... Which makes it sort of funny that Sonic doesn't even have to save the day in this episode. His "adoption" by Momma Robotnik is annulled when the big guy informs the government specialist – a skunk with a literal beehive hairdo, har har – that his mom is a piece of shit. Robotnik and Coconuts eventually take back the tower, his mom goes back to the fortified nursing home, and the status quo is reinforced. Sonic and Tails could have done absolutely nothing and this episode would have ended the exact same way. This is not the first time I've suspected the writers of this show were way more interested in Robotnik's antics than the heroics of the titular hedgehog.

Considering a free agent superhero has to protect people around the whole planet, I've never gotten the impression that much of a legal system exists on Mobius. Apparently not. In what feels like a "Sonic Says" segment inserted into the middle of the episode, Sonic tells Tails to obey the laws, that they are there for a reason. Afterwards, Sonic is served to appear in court and forcibly adopted by Momma Robotnik, something I'm not sure is legal anywhere. This suggests Mobius has a pretty fucked up and incompetent legal system. No wonder the planet is in such disarray! 

Even though the episode depicts laws that are immoral and weird, "Sonic Says" still has the hedgehog emphasizing that you should obey the law. Ya know, I actually got mildly angry for two minutes that this garbage cartoon would turn an obvious anti-authoritarian hero like Sonic into a shill for "law and order." But I guess an educational segment about direct action and civil disobedience probably wouldn't fit into a 30 second end-of-shown block.

In this rambling review, I guess I never actually mention whether "Momma Robotnik's Return" is a decent episode or not. Eh, it's okay. Momma Robotnik is still a rather terrifying antagonist, because of her disquieting appearance and growling voice. (Though the animators at least shaved her mustache this time.) One or two lines from Scratch and Grounder, during the transition of power, made me chuckle. Coconuts continues to be My Poor Oppressed Boy, as Robotnik's mom is just as inexplicable cruel to him as her son. The slapstick continues to be unimpressive but this episode is, I guess, a little less dumb than the usual installment of this show.

This is not the last time Robotnik's horrible mom appears on this show, so look forward to more (secretly sarcastic? I'll never tell) insight into the psychological trauma of these goofy-ass characters. Anyway, I'd probably give this one a six if it wasn't for that whack "Sonic Says" moral. [5/10]