Sonic Underground, Episode 1.26: Wedding Bell Blues

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.26: Wedding Bell Blues

Original Air Date: October 4th, 1999

How's this for an episode premise? "Wedding Bell Blues" has Sonic, Sonia, and Manic in Robotropolis for ill-defined reasons when an announcement is broadcast all over the city: Robotnik is going to marry Queen Alena and become king. Even though the triplets realize this is a trap, they decide to sneak into the wedding just in case their mom actually shows up. They talk Bartleby into hiring them as the band. Soon afterwards, they discover that this is, of course, a trap. Robotnik's actual plan has been to adopt Sonia, making her the royal princess and him king somehow. 

We are heading into the last stretch of "Sonic Underground" episodes here – only ten left! – and it's evident that the writers were truly out-of-ideas... Actually, it's worst than that because this was originally intended to be the show's pilot. Nothing about "Wedding Bell Blues" makes any sense. The entire premise of the series is built upon nobody knowing where Queen Alena is. The idea of Robotnik randomly announcing he's marrying her, when her location is perpetually unknown, strains believable. The queen's opening narration assured us that there's nothing Robotnik wants more than to be king. But why? He's already ruler of Mobius. King is just a title at this point. If he wants it that bad, why doesn't he just change the rules and declare himself king? He has all the power!

This is far from the only thing about "Wedding Bell Blues" that makes no sense. At one point, Robotnik says this wedding – that he's only doing as a trap – is bankrupting him. Which really says a lot about Mobotropolis' worth. This seems to be an awkward excuse to bring Bartleby into the plot, as Robotnik squeezes the aristocracy for more funds, and thus get the triplets into the wedding. But there was easily a hundred, less convoluted ways to have our heroes sneak into this event. By the time Robotnik's scheme twists to involve him adopting Sonia, it's apparent that nobody cared if this actually made any sense. 

In fact, the episode is officially uncredited though the Sonic News Network wiki tells me this is a Ben Hurst and Pat Allee joint. If this really was their work, I wonder if they requested their names be taken off it? Because the story gets increasingly nonsensical as it goes along. At one pony, Manic literally stumbles upon a secret passage way. Not long afterwards, Dingo is transformed into a perfect looking chili dog cart – even though none of his other transformations were that good – to lure in Sonic. He's then morphed into a giant fly trap that is seemingly bigger on the inside than the outside, as Sonic is dropped into an endless gullet when swallowed. It all stinks of a writing team that was either hopelessly rushed or simply didn't care anymore. 

With no other options, "Wedding Bell Blues" degrades into crude slapstick. The episode seems to delight in showing us things we don't want to see. There's an extended sequence devoted to Robotnik being squeezed into a girdle, which does not go well for him. Later, Manic dresses in drag and gets throw into a dungeon cell, ostensibly in an attempt to impersonate his mom. Neither of these scenes have any effect on the plot, making you really wonder why they were included at all. At least the moment where Dingo is squeezed into a wedding gown does affect the story... Yet one really has to ask why this cartoon had to feature two separate incidents of crossdressing. 

I was completely numb to this episode's bullshit by the end but that didn't keep the conclusion from really confusing me. Just as Sonia is about to be crowned princess of Mobius, Queen Alena actually does show up. She waves the royal scepter around and assures everyone that she would never abandon her throne... Except she does! She did abandon the throne and that is, in fact, essential to the series' entire premise! Mostly, Queen Alena showing up to confuse everyone before immediately GTFOing again just makes her look like a deadbeat mom. I know, there's a prophecy and all that but the Queen's repeated habit of only showing herself when the plot absolutely insists upon it makes her feel like those one of those dads that only appear on birthdays and holidays. 

Despite clearly being a bad parent who doesn't actually care about her children, the show continues to assure us – via Sonic and company, who remain in awe of Alena – that she's a great person. The episode's song, "When Tomorrow Comes," is all about how much the kids look forward to being reunited with their parent. It's a totally forgettable song, heavy on the na nas and repeating the title. Sonia switches her keyboard to the harpsichord setting, to match the old-timey powdered wigs they are wearing in the scene, but that's about the only thing that sticks out. Lastly, the song's placement in the script really makes no sense. Sonic Underground, in disguise, are booked as the wedding's band. They start to perform... While no one is in the room. They then leave afterwards, to explore the castle. I guess they're trying not to blow their cover but it's definitely among the show's more egregious examples of inserting a song wherever.

Maybe it's just because my allergies medication has me really hungover as I write this review but this is an episode that truly left me annoyed, confused, and stymied. There's definitely been worst episodes of this show but I don't know if there's been one more slapdash in its narrative construction than this one. [3/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.29: New Echidna in Town

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.29: New Echidna in Town

Original Air Date: October 7th, 1999

The final part of the Chaos Emerald Crisis begins with Knuckles reluctantly going to Robotnik for help. The tyrant wants the hedgehogs in return, which Knuckles only agrees to after he promises not to roboticize them. (Also because the fate of the world is hanging in the balance.) Knuckles leads Robotnik to Sonic and his siblings, where the villain immediately goes back on his deal and hauls out the mobile roboticizer. The good guys make a quick escape. Afterwards, Robotnik is still determined to capture the Chaos Emerald, even as it's tearing the world apart. Sleet transforms Dingo into a carrying case but, after placing the emerald shards inside, Dingo is transformed into a giant, rampaging monster. Another brief truce is formed between heroes and villains to stop this new threat. 

"New Echidna in Town" is better than the second part of the Chaos Emerald Crisis but only by a small margin. It's another "Underground" episode with good ideas but no clue how to properly execute them. Knuckles' Archie characterization, as an angsty teen uncertain of his path, is seemingly utilized when Knuckles has to make a deal with Robotnik. He doesn't want to do it, knows it's a bad idea, but doesn't know what else to do. He's upset about betraying his friends but, because his great-granddad said this is the solution, he goes through with it. Instead of mining that angst, and the built-in tension, for all it's worth, the show tosses that plot point away after about five minutes. Robotnik immediately betrays Knux, he fights back and frees his friends, and Sonic and the gang forgive him for backstabbing them. Way to waste an interesting story, Mark Edens. 

After suffering through twenty-nine episodes of “Sonic Underground,” I’ve decided I really don’t like this version of Robotnik. He has ruthless tendencies, yeah, but it’s chained to an annoyingly childish personality. He doesn't agree to work with Kncukles because the world is on the edge of ending... But only because he sees it as a chance to capture the royal triplets. When Dingo turns into a giant monster and starts marching towards Robotropolis, he haughtily doubts Dingo could successfully destroy his grand city. Later, Robotnik just lets Sonic push him in the path of the falling Dingo. The "Underground" Robotnik is as childish and dumb as the "AoStH" version but without the fucked-up backstory to make him interesting. He's a pale imitation of the "SatAM" version – Garry Chalk's performance grows increasingly tiresome – but with a complete misunderstanding of what made that interpretation intimidating. 

As for the decision to turn Dingo into a rampaging kaiju, I have mixed thoughts about it. I don't understand why writer Mark Edens went through the additional hoop of having Dingo transform after Sleet turns him into a box and literally puts the emeralds inside him. After making such a big show of Dingo being electrocuted, which is repeated here, I figured that would be the more reasonable place to begin the transformation. It also bugs me that the threat of the out-of-control chaos energy tearing the planet apart seemingly goes away the minute Dingo turns into a giant monster.

At the same time, I almost admire the philosophy of "if you're gonna go stupid, at least go big." The minute one tiny rock splitting in two caused a global crisis, with seemingly random effects, this three-parter's attempt at seriousness went out the window. So why not turn Dingo into a kaiju? The design is uninspired, as he looks like a generic sludge monster with walrus tusk. But at least it's big and crazy and different. Granted, the show still fucks this up. Monster Dingo is so powerful that he reduces Manic's magic drum set to rubble... Yet he's still defeated by a song – Manic's drum set magically repaired – and the application of some crazy glue. Once again, a good idea paired with a half-assed execution. 

Speaking of that song... I'm pretty numb to the shitty quality of this show's music by this point. "The Mobius Stomp" is, I think, supposed to be a rowdy hard rock number. In actuality, it sounds more like a pale imitation of kitschy dad rock like George Thorogood. I'm still not sure what the musical number was meant to accomplish, as it does very little to actually slow Monster Dingo. What I mostly remember about "The Mobius Stomp" is watching this episode as a kid and thinking the song was painfully bad. That it was an embarrassing attempt at appearing "cool" – Sonic is tippin' shades throughout the performance – and that I was incredibly embarrassed to be watching it. Sad to say, through adult eyes and ears, I doubt this would rank in the top five worst songs on the show. 

Before I wrap up this review, here's some stray observations about this episode. It was hinted at last time and is confirmed here, via blushing cheeks and a tentative hug, that Sonia has a crush on Knuckles. Whether this might've gone anywhere, we don't know as this is Knuckles' last appearance on the show, but at least he's a better love interest than Bartleby. Knuckles also does that thing where he spins his fist into a buzzsaw, which still looks incredibly awkward. There's an extremely forced-in segment involving lava here, which once again proves that cartoons don't know how convection works. Finally, when Robotnik captures the triplets, they get sprayed with a sticky white glue substance. Because just when you think this show's slime fetish is a coincidence, it does it again. 

Oh yeah, the title also makes no fucking sense again. Knuckles is an established character by this point and he doesn't visit any towns. I'm starting to think the episode titles were randomly chosen and the writers had to work with what they were given. Also, Athair just smiles and nods at the end, secure in his wise wisdom, even though I'm absolutely certain nobody could have guessed the random-ass way this all played out. And, like, old man, if you know a giant monster is going to sprout out of nowhere... Fucking warn us. Just say "Hey, a giant monster is going to show up. Be prepared for that." I think that would be a much more useful thing for a mentor to do than bark unassailable commands and drop a series of vague hints. 

Sad to say that this story arc started strong but spectacularly shit the bed in its later parts. Which is not much of a surprise, considering the overall quality of this program. Yet it is a shame that Knuckles finally got to be in an American cartoon, with a personality influenced by the comic books, and it turned out so poorly. Our red spiky boy deserves better than that. [5/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.27: No Hedgehog is an Island

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.27: No Hedgehog is an Island

Original Air Date: October 5th, 1999

Once again, I have to talked about the weird way "Sonic Underground" was syndicated. As you've probably noticed, there was a loose continuity across the series, with the occasional element or character reoccurring or being referenced again. All of this stuff was shown in the correct order. Which makes it all the more baffling that "Underground's" two actual three-parters were mixed up throughout the run. The second and third parts of the "Origins" arc was interspersed with the second and third parts of the "Chaos Emerald Crisis" arc. I don't know why the series would do something so confusing – other than to make "Sonic Underground" an even more baffling experience – but, obviously, I'm watching shit in the order that actually makes sense. 

Picking up where we left off last time, Sleet and Dingo flee the sinking Flying Fortress with the Chaos Emerald. Proving there's no honor among thieves, Dingo then steals the emerald from Sleet. All he really achieves is dropping the emerald, shattering it. Breaking the emerald in two unleashes a wave of Chaos Energy around the entire planet, which begins to tear Mobius apart. Knuckles leads Sonic, Sonia, and Manic to his great-grandfather Athair, in hopes he'll have some answers. (Sleet, who promises to never betray Robotnik again if he retrieves the emeralds, is on their tails.) And Athair's answer is to team-up with Robotnik. 

The first part of the Chaos Emerald Crisis story worked because it was focused. There was a clear, defined threat – a giant floating war machine – and an easily understood way to stop it: Grab the Emerald. It was a logical way to bring Knuckles into the story and the last minute twist, of Sleet and Dingo's betrayal, added a compelling wrinkle. "No Hedgehog is an Island," unfortunately, did not take that lesson to heart. This is an episode with too much stuff happening. Sonic is separated from Knuckles and his siblings, for no meaningful reason, for most of the story. Sleet and Dingo's story splinters as well. Mostly, this episode's threat has no clear definition. When the emerald – one single, small emerald – is shattered, it causes all sorts of crazy shit to happen. Huge cracks open in the earth and then close. A tornado of green energy appears. Green light shoots out of the ground all over the world, sometimes causing trees to comically shoot into the air. The effects are truly random and that leaves us with a story without much focus. And what's better than a random solution to a random problem, such as when Manic transforms the aforementioned tornado into fireworks via the power of a bitchin' drum solo? Let's see Neil Peart do that. 

I also applauded the last episode for making Robotnik a creditable villain and for allowing Sleet and Dingo to show some competence. That goes right out the window in this episode. As the Flying Fortress falls, Robotnik throws a childish temper tantrum. Later, he pouts petulantly in his base, his master plan ruined. Further on, he allows Sleet to work for him again. Robotnik is supposedly ruthless but the fact that he keeps hiring this guy, despite his repeated failures and now a genuine insurrection, doesn't reflect well on Mobius' tyrant. Dingo betraying Sleet is a surprising moment but long overdue, considering the constant abuse the big orange guy puts up with. Yet that intrigue is immediately dropped by Dingo's incompetence causing an apocalyptic crisis, which is at least in-character. In short, after a decent half-hour of being effective villains, the bad guys go right back to being jokes. 

This episode gives Athair more of a role and, as I expected, he's another evasive mentor character. Knuckles goes to him for answers. He gives him a special urn that can safely hold the Chaos Emeralds, tells him to team up with Robotnik to save the world, and then refuses to elaborate further. There's potentially good reasons to form an alliance with Robotnik, as he has a whole planet's worth of resources at his disposal. But telling someone to work with the mad dictator who just tried to carpet bomb the entire planet earlier in the day, probably requires a little more information. Not on this show, where old wise dudes in robes are never to be doubted and can never be expected to give a straight fucking answer. 

Even though the plot has our heroes facing down a global apocalypse, we still have to make room for a song. And, boy, is it out-of-place this time. Wild Chaos Energy is literally tearing the planet apart, which has got Knuckles feeling understandably overwhelmed. Sonic, Sonia, and Manic launch into a punk song called "Learn to Overcome," which really does not feel like the best use of their time in this situation. As for the song itself, the built-in roughness allows me to forgive the questionable lyrics. At least there are loud guitars and drums, even if the "na na na nas" they throw in feel more like a pop thing than a punk thing. The music video sequence features Sonic, Sonia, and Manic with mohawks and facial piercings as well as scenes of them posing in a boxing ring. Which is pretty funny. 

Another thing holding this episode back is some not-too-grand animation. The scene where Sonia is trapped into a huge crack in the ground, nearly crushed by the fluctuating walls, is undermined by some serious off-model moments. Sonia's size shifts throughout the scene while her boobs swell to balloon proportions during one close-up. Later, when Dingo picks up the emerald shards and tries to force them back together, his skeleton starts to flash through his skin. This is lingered on, in repetitive fashion, for several seconds. Since we never see Dingo in this episode after that scene, it really makes it look like he died. Also, Knuckles is not consistently portrayed here. The shape of his face and size of his dreads and hands change several times. The tougher-than-leather echidna sure looks like an adorable puppy dog numerous times throughout this episode. 

Also, the title makes no goddamn sense. Knuckles is the conflicted character in this episode, not the triplets. They all have each other's backs. If the title is just a shitty pun, it also makes no sense, as the Floating Island does not appear in this twenty-one minutes. In other words, after a pretty decent start, the Chaos Emerald Crisis returns to the level of quality we expect from this cartoon. Fishes gotta swim, birds gotta fly, and "Underground's" gotta suck. Oh well. Maybe it'll end strong? [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.25: Flying Fortress

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.25: Flying Fortress

Original Air Date: October 1st, 1999

I've talked before about how the sole novelty of "Sonic Underground" was Knuckles. Looking back, it's kind of crazy that the second most popular character in the franchise – evident by him supporting his own comic book at the time – was only making his second animated in this lousy cartoon. While Knuckles' first appearance on "Underground" was pretty bad, his second was in a three-parter commonly known as the "Chaos Emeralds Crisis." This trilogy of episodes is the only time I can remember being invested in "Sonic Underground" or following it with any real excitement. And that kicks off with "Flying Fortress." 

Sonic, Sonia, and Manic are enjoying some downtime on the beach when Robotnik's most fearsome weapon yet emerges: The Flying Fortress is a massive, floating warship armed to the teeth. When Sonic infiltrates it, he's almost zapped by a green force field. The triplets quickly connect this with the Chaos Emerald and decide to go ask Knuckles for help. He's reluctant at first – especially after a vision of his great grandfather Athair appears to him – but he decides to help out. After making it onto the Fortress, the heroes attempt to grab the ship's Chaos Emerald power source... Only to discover that Sleet and Dingo have stolen it for themselves. 

"Flying Fortress" represents "Sonic Underground" at its least bullshitty. There's very little of the dumbass nonsense I associate with this show. Dingo isn't horrifically turned into some object, there are no hideously designed new characters, and Queen Alena doesn't appear at all. Robotnik is the primary antagonist of the episode. The plot is pretty clearly inspired by the third and fourth Genesis games, with the Flying Fortress even resembling the Death Egg. The scene where Sonic has to outrun the incinerating force field – in addition to resembling the various Advancing Walls of Doom in the games – actually manages to generate some mild suspense. Sonic having to team up with Knuckles to stop Robotnik from powering a weapon of mass destruction with a Chaos Emerald actually feels like something that should happen in a "Sonic" cartoon. 

Which isn't to say the episode doesn't have some of "Underground's" trademark bullshit in it. The animation is still hilariously awkward. Any time the characters leap through the air or fly, it looks bad. When the Flying Fortress abruptly starts to fall at the end, Robotnik floats up into the air in a goofy fashion. Knuckles tunnels through the walls of the Fortress in a very silly looking way. Sonia wears a bikini for the entire first half of the episode, which only highlights how clumsy her design is. (Her neck is tan but the rest of her body is maroon, making it look like she's wearing fuzzy spandex.) The most egregious step of the episode involves Robotnik, after leveling a forest and pinning the hedgehogs down into a cave, just flying away. There was a number of ways to have the heroes escape that scenario that didn't make the villain look like a dumbass. 

If "Sonic Underground" endures in fans' minds solely because Knuckles is in a few episodes, the "Chaos Emerald Crisis" trilogy has an even greater novelty to a more niche "Sonic" sub-fandom. This storyline marks the only time a character exclusive to the Archie Comic continuity crossed over to another medium. And it's Knuckles' great-grandfather, Athair, who I am absolutely certain was no one's favorite character. He doesn't resemble his comic book counterpart much. Instead of the weird Indian shaman get-up comic book Athair wears, cartoon Athair has on a blue robe, tiny green glasses, and carries a gold staff. He's yet another bossy mentor, appearing in a vision to give a vague warning. Which is a dumb trademark of this cartoon but also pretty close to the comic book version. Regardless, it still gives me a thrill to see an animated Knuckles talk to his "great-grandfather Athair." 

Also, there's some delicious irony in another piece of "Sonic" pulling a member of Knuckles' vast extended family from the comic book and it's the only one Ken Penders didn't create. ALSO also, Maurice LaMarche voices Athair – because of course he does – with a mediocre Sean Connery impersonation, exaggerated "s" pronunciation included. Despite the obviousness of that, for years IMDb listed the actual Sean Connery as voicing this role. I want to blame pranksters for that but it was probably just some dumbass editor who didn't know better. Though I do kind of want to live in a universe where screen legend Sean Connery, still an in-demand A-lister at the time, decided to voice a bit part on a shitty "Sonic the Hedgehog" cartoon.

Anyway... As I mentioned earlier, this is one of the few episodes of "Underground" where Robotnik is both present and the primary threat. The scene where he destroys a forest with the Fortress' firepower really emphasizes that he's a serious villain. (While also, mildly, recalling "SatAM's" ecological themes.) This means Sleet and Dingo taking the backseat roles of scheming lackies. They steal the Chaos Emerald to insure their own survival, knowing Robotnik doesn't need them anymore and that Robotnik disposes of things he doesn't need. This role suits the duo much better and actually threatens to make them into interesting characters. If these goons are just as scared of Robotnik as everyone else, it makes them sort of sympathetic. Which makes them sort of compelling. Or at least more compelling than their usual role of bumbling bad guys. 

If this is a good episode of "Underground," "good" is still a relative word here. We still have to stop the story dead to make room for a song. That occurs when Sonic and the gang arrive on the Floating Island and convince Knuckles to help out with the power of music. "No One is an Island" is, regrettably, an attempt at a reggae number. This includes Sonic singing with a bad "mon" voice, which is unfortunate. (The colors of the Rastafarian flag also appear on-screen, which is probably coincidence and not a reference to Knux's Jamaican origins.) Aside from the dodgy optics of that voice and some typically lazy lyrics, the song is more forgettable than odiously bad. The song sequence also include Sonic and the gang refusing to leave Knuckles alone, a comedic element out of place in an otherwise serious episode. 

Like I said, this can probably only be considered a decent cartoon by the very particular standards of this series. Yet it does show that, if "Sonic Underground" had actually attempted to be a straight-ahead action cartoon that took real cues from the video games more often, instead of whatever the fuck it normally does, it would've been a far more tolerable show. Will the rest of the "Chaos Emerald Crisis" be up to the level of its first installment? I guess I'll find out soon enough. [6/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.24: Six is a Crowd

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.24: Six is a Crowd

Original Air Date: September 30th, 1999

Len Janssen continues to be one of the few "Sonic Underground" writers with a sense of continuity, as "Six is a Crowd" picks up a plot point from "When in Rome." Sonic, Sonia, and Manic return to the Oracle's lair to ask him about the snow globe he gave them last time. Sonic asks him what the next step is. He responds in a typically cryptic way, before launching them into an alternate universe. Here, Sonic, Sonia, and Manic are cruel dictators who rule over a ruined Mobius, while Robotnik is the leader of an underground resistance. The triplets must outsmart themselves if they hope to return home. 

"Mirror Universe" stories like this occur with quite a lot of frequency in sci-if/fantasy fiction. The Archie "Sonic" comics, of course, founded a long-running series of stories on a very similar premise to this episode. The point of tales like this is for the heroes to be confronted with their worst tendencies. To reaffirm their moral path by revealing that it takes very little for a Freedom Fighter to become a fanatic, that revolution and tyranny frequently follow one another. Good examples of this story type – "Justice League's" Justice Lords two-parter or Ian Flynn's best Scourge issues – revolve entirely around the "this could be you" principal. It challenges our heroes to continue to be good, to never take their moral position for granted. 

Bad examples of Mirror Universe stories just use the switcharoo premise for easy shock value or gags. Guess which one "Sonic Underground" is? These alternate versions of Sonic, Sonia, and Manic have one defining characteristic each. Evil Sonic is gluttonous, having grown fat and jiggly on too many chili dogs. Evil Sonia is vain and tacky, obsessed with fashion. Evil Manic is greedy, hoarding gold. Okay, they are all incredibly cruel too, sending people to the dungeon for the smallest infraction. Good Robotnik, meanwhile, simply has a full head of hair and acts like a bland hero. 

Yet none of these ideas really reflect on our heroes. Sonic likes to eat but him growing a gut and saggy man-titties – vividly animated – play more like a gross sight gag than a commentary on his own personality. I've never once thought Manic's shoplifting habit was a result of greed but rather being raised in poverty. As for making Sonia a fashionista... That's really just her regular personality! You can't just present a bitchy version of a character and say "this is the evil you!" Moreover, our heroes defeat their evil selves with ease. Sonic can easily outrace his chubby counterpart, Sonia replicates the old Groucho mirror gag with her double, and Manic sucks up Evil Manic with some sort of giant vacuum cleaner. 

What were our heroes supposed to learn from any of this? After subduing their counterparts in combat, Robotnik points out that the royal trio haven't been out of their palace in years. As soon as they are marched outside and shown the conditions of the world, the cruel tyrants are immediately moved. They shower a Dickensian ragamuffin with gold and are awed by the beauty of Sanctuary. After a few hours of seeing all this, they declare that Mobius will now be a kingdom of freedom and music.

I guess the incredibly milquetoast message this is supposed to send to kids is that "anybody can change." But, in execution, it sends a very different message. It implies that dictators are simply unaware of the misery they create. That, if you appeal to fascists' inherent humanity, they will quickly change their tune. This ignores that most rich people are raised in a system that teaches them poor people are subhumanoid creatures unworthy of basic human rights, that they are poor because of moral failings and deserve their poverty. Someone who rules with an iron fist is already a sociopath and expecting them to act upright when exposed to the horrible conditions they created probably won't work. This ending doesn't even make sense within the context of "Sonic Underground." Do the Freedom Fighters really think Robotnik would immediately become benevolent if he was shown the state of the world his regime has made? Of course, he wouldn't. 

Also, I'm confused about what exactly this is supposed to teach Sonic, Sonia, and Manic. The Oracle assures the teens that they "may see their own future" in this encounter. Yet the evil versions of the triplets are so exaggerated, so comically bitchy, that it's hard to even link them with their primary counterparts. I guess the point is urging Sonic, Sonia, and Manic to never lose sight of decency and humanity... Yet that never really felt endangered anyway. The episode ends with a ghostly vision of Queen Alena appearing to the triplets and telling them they "saw what happened when power corrupts" and "what happened when good triumphs over evil." What the fuck does that even mean, mom? You mean this wasn't meant to teach them something about their current struggle but about some future struggle that may happen?! It's all just more vague bullshit, an attempt to depict something deeper but with nothing of actual substance behind all the mystery. 

It's such an annoyingly dumb episode but it does feature a song that is dumb in kind of a funny way. Sonic, Sonia, and Manic launch into a musical number while inside Good Robotnik's secret base, for reasons that aren't important and I can't remember. The song is called "I Can Do That For You" and features a number of hilariously goofy fantasy scenarios. Such as Sonic giving a hungry child three ludicrously oversized chili dogs, Sonia magically giving a homeless kid an instant makeover, and Manic literally showering somebody in gold coins. Also, the moon turns into their smiling faces and SWATBots start doing a half-heart kick line. The song is inoffensive bubblegum pop that isn't good but is too bland to offend. I wish more of "Sonic Underground's" music was hilariously overwrought like this and not just cringe-inducing. 

I guess "Six is a Crowd" is an episode that should earn points for having a good idea and being merely massively misguided in its moral, instead of knowingly malicious... But I don't feel like handing out gold "you tried" stickers today. This cartoon is bogus. [4/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Free Comic Book Day 2021

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Free Comic Book Day 2021

Publication Date: August 14th, 2021

Ah, Free Comic Book Day. That most beloved holiday centered around getting free comic books! It's hard to believe it's been fourteen years since Archie Comics' “Sonic” book first started participating in this nation-wide day ostensibly designed to promote local comic shops, officially making Sega's most blue hedgehog-related franchise a part of this American tradition. After publishing “Sonic” comics for three years, IDW has finally decided to have their iteration of the “Sonic” franchise join the same tradition. Because COVID fucked everything up – and, really, is still in the process of fucking everything up – Free Comic Book Day happened in August this year, instead of May when it usually happens. And because Sega is still celebrating Sonic's 30th anniversary, the IDW's first FCBD special is also set in the Classic Sonic universe.

The story exclusive to this issue is “Amy's New Hobby.” Tails comes to visit Amy at her adorable little bungalow, because he's lonely while Sonic is out adventuring. During lunch, Tails notices Amy doodling in a little sketchbook. She is somewhat embarrassed to admit that she's started drawing fan comics about Sonic and all his friends, including herself. Tails thinks it's pretty cool though and shows it to everyone. When Sonic speeds in and demands to see, Amy is petrified... But he likes her little comics too.

“Amy's New Hobby” comes from Gale Galligan, who previously contributed “Dr. Eggman's Birthday” in the 30th Anniversary special. It's evident that they specialize in cute and funny little stories about characters just hanging out. The detail of Amy being embarrassed by her fan art is a really adorable detail. Similarly, Sonic, Mighty, Ray, and Tails being completely accepting of this hobby is so friggin' sweet. They accept her, even if she doesn't! How fucking nice is that? Similar to the story Galligan wrote previously, that had Eggman's robots being grateful for him even if he wasn't for them, this is a quiet and sweet tale about acceptance and friendship. It's really nice to see some low-key stories like this in the modern Sonic comic universe.

The brief peeks we get at Amy's comics here are also absolutely adorable. Unsurprisingly, there seems to be some wish fulfillment in these comics, with at least one panel devoted to Amy rescuing Sonic from a grave situation. Another one has Knuckles thanking Sonic for being a friend, some of the cast buying chili dogs, and an extended homage to the “Strange, Isn't It?!” scene from the OVA. That is one of several cutesy homages to “Sonic” history in this brief little comic. Other shout-outs include cameos from Honey the Cat, Bark and Bean, and the sound test band. Honestly, Mighty and Ray's small roles feel like a shout-out to obscure “Sonic” history at this point too. The shot we have of Amy's house includes a couple easy-to-miss nods to franchise lore.

The artwork goes a long way to selling the sweetness of this story too. Thomas Rothlisberger, who also did the art for Galligan's previous story, provides pencils. There's a lot of really cute little details in the character's faces and body language when they're talking. Like Tails describing his stories with Sonic while munching a sandwich or Amy's clear uncertainty over showing anyone else her work. The panel devoted to Amy's absolute horror when Sonic sees her art is especially amusing. The comics-within-the-comic are completely precious too, done in a sketchy/colored pencil style that recalls Knuckles' little imagine spots in the Archie “Mega Drive” specials. 

The second story in this special... Isn't really a story. David Mariotte, an editor at IDW, gets official credit for writing “Race to the Empire.” It's really just a quick recap of the first few years of the book, with some pithy narration on-top and artwork thrown together from across the different issues. About the only thing that's really interesting about this “story” is the blurb at the end pointing towards the future of the series. Namely, a story arc called “Battle for the Empire” will be running in the comic in the lead-up to issue 50. And at some point in the future a new mini-series called “Sonic: Imposter Syndrome” will be arriving. That title is literally the only thing we know about that series right now but one assumes Mimic will have something to do with it. 

IDW's first FCBD issue isn't going to go down in “Sonic” history as especially important to the lore. Not that Archie's FCBD specials were ever all that significant either. These issues are, essentially, advertisements after all. So it's not surprising that a third of the comic is devoted to driving people's eyeballs to the back issues and upcoming issues. However, the headlining story is really cute and the artwork is very well done. I'm glad I was able to read this and recommend it to all Hedgehogs Can't Swim readers as well. I hope IDW continues to do more Classic Sonic stuff going forward, if only because it's the only way we're going to see more of these obscure characters. [7/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.23: Hedgehog in the Iron Mask

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.23: Hedgehog in the Iron Mask

Original Air Date: September 29th, 1999

Sonic, Sonia, and Manic receive a hint that their mother might have been imprisoned in a foreboding tower under a perpetual storm cloud. They hope to find some records of her location inside. Instead, they find Sleet and Dingo and hear the cries of a prisoner. Dingo lets it slip that the prisoner is someone important. The trio return later to free the mysterious hedgehog, who wears a mask that will explode if it's removed. He claims to be their uncle, who was imprisoned when Queen Alena came to power because only one monarch can rule. This information soon forces a schism between the siblings...  But it's all been a trap set-up by Robotnik. 

At least conceptually, "The Hedgehog in the Iron Mask" is one of the better "Sonic Underground" premises. The set-up attempts to mine tension not from an outside antagonistic force but from within the group. If there's anything that will break up a group of tightly knit siblings, it's squabbling over royal problem. Sonic, Manic, and Sonia turning on each other is a lot more compelling idea than them facing off with the easily defeated Sleet and Dingo again... 

But in execution, this idea is far from satisfying. The triplets bicker but they always stick together, so them going their separate ways because of some random guy is not convincing. Further hindering things is how obvious it is that their "uncle" is part of a trap. None of our heroes question why their mother, always depicted as utterly benevolent, would lock up her brother. Even the normally suspicious Manic buys his story immediately. They never question his story, whether his blinking mask could be a spy camera or the rings he gives them could be trackers. It's obvious to the audience that this guy is fishy and it would be even if the script didn't reveal early on that Robotnik is plotting something. 

Then again, maybe our hedgehogs are simply having an off-day. They also walk up to big orange items several times, even though they should know by now that big orange Dingo maintains his coloration when turned into mundane objects. (Dingo's "disguises" this time include a statue of the Queen but the episode cuts away, robbing us of the truly bizarre image of Sonia being man-handled by a giant, orange version of her mom.) These are all examples of how half-baked Bob Forward's script is. This also includes the groan-worthy reveal that the hedgehog in the iron mask is a famous actor named "Luke Periwinkle." Or the storm clouds over the tower, which go totally unexplained and vanish after it collapses. 

The dumb, lazy writing is also evident in the truly underwhelming action scenes. Once again, I must emphasize how much these SWATBots suck. While pursuing Sonic into an auto shop, they stand perfectly still atop a pneumatic lift so Sonic can elevate them right up into the ceiling. Later, they don't move again while standing in a straight line down a winding staircase. When Sonic slices through one bot's ankles, he falls over and causes a domino effect. Robotnik really didn't program these guys with the ability to... move? To cap it off, Manic once again smashes a SWATBot's head with his flimsy drumsticks. Also, the trio later defeat Sleet and Dingo with a sheet. The fact that this is the army that took over the world is really starting to push credibility. 

But why should we expect a sensible plot or compelling action scenes from a show that sucks as consistently as "Sonic Underground?" Look at Luke Periwinkle's character design. He's two feet taller than Sonic, Sonia, and Manic. He has a generally humanoid built, not a cartoon hedgehog one. The only indication he's a hedgehog at all are the tiny spines extending from his head. His cyan – not periwinkle – fur color is deeply unappealing. It's another totally hideous "Underground" character design. Later, there's a hilarious moment of terrible animation, where the triplets and Periwinkle leap over a SWATBot's head without moving their bodies, the group effortlessly floating through the air. Nobody gave a shit if this cartoon was good or not.

The only thing this episode has going for it is one of the show's more tolerable songs. "Part of the Problem" features Sonia, who has the least annoying singing voice of the triplets, on lead vocals. She's matched, once again, with quasi-New Wave sounding music, a style the show's musicians were clearly more comfortable with. The song's hook features slightly less awkward lyrics than usual. It helps that the song's premise, scolding people who refuse to join the Resistance by saying they're "part of the problem," is a little edgier than the show's subject matter usually is. (The song also occurs five minutes into the episode, at a point in the story where it actually makes sense for the heroes to be singing.) It sounds a little bit like Oingo Boingo. If this came on Sirius XM First Wave, I wouldn't immediately change the station. 

The song proves to be the sole bright spot of an otherwise dreadful episode.... Which isn't saying a lot, as even a better "Sonic Underground" musical number is mediocre by any other standard. [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.22: Mummy Dearest

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.22: Mummy Dearest

Original Air Date: September 28th, 1999

Ben Hurst and Pat Allee continue to attempt to build some sort of continuity between "Sonic Underground" episodes with "Mummy Dearest." Cyrus, the traitor-turned-inventor from "Tangled Web," provides Sonic and his siblings with a magical laptop computer that can spy on Robotnik's control room somehow. They spot a book with the royal family seal on it inside. Sneaking inside while disguised as SWATBots, they grab the book. It points towards an ancient scroll in a desert pyramid, home to the hedgehog's ancient ancestor, Aman-Rapi. Said ancestor was supposedly a prophet, presumably the first person to write down the prophecy the entire show is about. They go on a wacky adventure across the desert, encountering enormous sand snakes, mummies, and many booby traps. 

"Sonic Underground" only seems to have two modes as a series: Either an episode has a thin wisp of a premise that is desperately stretched into a full twenty minutes or episodes are overstuffed with ideas, never focusing into a coherent whole. "Mummy Dearest" falls into the latter category. Cyrus building perfect recreations of the SWATBots, that the hedgehogs can crawl inside of and pilot, is a pretty good idea for an episode. There could've been a lot of suspense in a story devoted to Sonic and friends going undercover in Robotropolis, always trying to avoid detection. Instead, this comprises only a few minutes of "Mummy Dearest," at the beginning of the episode. The minute Robotnik walks into them, Sonic blows their cover by telling a dumb joke. Despite the SWATBot shells being described as "super strong," Manic's falls apart after stumbling over a wire. Also, the hollow robots are super light-weight, a detail which is never actually relevant. 

It's just another example of how weird this show is that it would spend so much time setting up this plot point, just to discard it for some wacky mummy shenanigans. Stranger yet, it does something similar a few minutes later. As soon as they enter the desert, which has purple sand for some reason, they're attacked by an enormous sand snake that burrows underground. Yes, it's yet another offspring of "Dune's" famous sandworms. An episode all about trying to avoid this massive threat, or how the triplets survive once they're swallowed by it, easily could've supported a whole script. Instead, it's another bit of world-building for "Sonic Underground's" version of Mobius, that will never be relevant ever again. 

We're about half-way through this episode when it finally arrives at its main point: Putting Sonic inside a goofy ancient Egypt-inspired scenario. (Sonic uses the word "Egypt" later, so I guess we can just assume that this region of Mobius is called that.) While I was worried this would be another excuse for the show to trade off lazy cultural stereotypes, "Mummy Dearest" puts a decidedly fantastic spin on things. The ancient pyramid is not made of sandstone and rock but is metallic and sci-if in nature. There are hieroglyphics on the wall, mummies and sarcophagi about, but it's more Luxor, Las Vegas than Luxor, Egypt. The closest thing to a crude caricature we get is Maurice LaMarche giving Hothep, the temple's guardian, a Boris Karloff-inspired voice. Half this show is just Maurice LaMarche impersonating Golden Age Hollywood celebs...

"Mummy Dearest" still manages to confuse and annoy me though. Throughout the episode, we learn that Sonic and his family are descended from the pharaohs of ancient Egypt. (Or whoever the Mobius version of those rulers were.) I feel like this raises a lot of questions the show is in no position to answer. We're never told how long ago this culture's glory days was but, if it's anything like Earth's version of Egypt, it was thousands of years ago. This means Alena's family has been ruling for literally centuries. It's so frustrating because this isn't actual back story or lore. It's just a vague hint, an impression of a vast history, that never actually means anything. The writers clearly didn't have time to think through the implications of this dumb plot point they just casually throw out. 

The truth is "Mummy Dearest" is another incredibly sloppy episode. As soon as Sonic and the gang head into the pyramid, it turns into a series of hugely overwhelming comedic action scenes. The booby traps of the pyramid provide various obstacles for our hedgehog hero to navigate around. There's a river full of snapping crocodiles, plumes of fire shooting out of the ground, and a room full of mummies. While "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" used the exact same set-up to reference the famous hazards from the video game, "Sonic Underground" just has Sonic bumble around these obstacles. His fear of water is mentioned with the alligators. He gets mildly singed by the fire. The mummies just start bowing and worshipping Sonic and his siblings the minute they realize who they are. This proceeds an even lazier writing choice, when the ghost of Sonic's identical ancestor – a plot point "AoStH" also did better – appears and magically freezes Sleet and Dingo and all the other bad guys. This is an almost literal deus ex machina, another indicator of how seriously strapped for time the writers must've been. 

Any answers we might've gotten to the questions this episode raises are dismissed by another noncommittal ending. After going through all this bullshit, the royal triplets finally get their hands on the scroll. Despite Sonia's claims to being the smart one, she fails to account for the molecular degradation of ancient papyrus when you expose it to light and air. The scroll crumbles to nothing the minute they remove it from the tube, any answers about the prophecy it might've contained lost forever. Instead, they are left with hieroglyph on the scroll container, which vaguely promises victory in the future. It's the same kind of bullshit this show always does: Waste our time by chasing after answers it never intends to give and insinuating that something will happen eventually. "Sonic Underground" is basically forty episodes of someone promising that "it'll get good soon." 

The dumbest part about that ending is... Sonic, Sonia, and Manic were literally communicating with the ghost of Aman-Rapi earlier. They could've just asked the guy some questions. Instead, Aman-Rapi requests to hear some music, which is the queue for this episode's musical number to begin. And, whoa momma, it's a rough one. In the most obvious pun imaginable, "Mummy Wrap" is a rap about the episode's ancient Egypt-influenced plot. This is a classic example of people who definitely shouldn't be rapping attempting the art form. The lyrics are clunky, to say the least, full of awkward rhymes and completely lacking any flow whatsoever. Worst yet is the backing track, a repetitive bit of stereotypical mummy movie music. The entire chorus is "we are Sonic/Sonic Underground," which is repeated every thirty seconds. It's painful, a real contender for the dubious title of "worst Sonic Underground song." It's so bad that I actually had to just mute it until it was over. I'm sorry, guys. I've got my limits. 

Oh yeah, this episode also features a scene of Sleet spraying Sonic and friends with some sort of fast-acting cement, which leaves them immobilized in a sticky, cobweb-like substance. Yet more evidence that someone working on this show had an extremely specific fetish. Anyway, you can see Ben Hurst and Pat Allee attempting to make something out of the nothing here. They clearly didn't have time to develop their good ideas while their general talent was obviously pulled down by the black hole-like force of this show's suckage. "Mummy Dearest" is another fiasco of an episode. [3/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.21: Dunes Day

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.21: Dunes Day

Original Air Date: September 27th, 1999

"Dunes Day” – admittedly one of the cleverer titles from this show – has Sonic, Sonia, and Manic heading into the Mobius desert. After their van gives out under the intense heat, they are attacked by SWATBots. That's when a brave band of local nomads, led by the sword-wielding Ifyoucan, appears to rescue them. Sonic is quickly selected by the nomads to join their tribe, surviving their initiation ritual. Yet Manic has his doubts about Ifyoucan's loyalties. Which are seemingly proven true when he discovers that the leader is seemingly half-roboticized...

Here of late, it seems like "Sonic Underground" can't go a single episode without including a questionable racial stereotype of some sort. The episode is obviously inspired by "Going Native" stories like "Lawrence of Arabia" or "Dune," where white guys meet up with a tribe of brave but primitive desert nomads, learn their ways, join their clan, and eventually becomes greater than any of the brown people. The racial politics of this story type has been well examined over the years. On one hand, the primitives are always depicted as brave, noble, and strong. Yet their ways are often savage, with some horrifying initiation ritual being par the course. This reveals the subtext of this story type, where different racial cultures are treated as terrifying outsiders that white folks must weather and master. 

Naturally, a "Sonic" cartoon adds a weird wrinkle to these questionable racial politics. Sonic is a hedgehog, not a white guy. Ifyoucan's tribe are made up of bizarre furry animals, not Arabs. (Ifyoucan himself appears to be a llama or goat or something.) Yet the nomads are clearly Arab-coded, from the thawbs they wear, to the belly-dancer at their camp, to the stereotypical Middle Eastern music that plays when they first come on-screen. Many of the "Going Native" plot points are maintained as well. Sonic is accepted into the tribe only after he survives a ritual, which is a struggle with a Sarlacc-esque man-eating plant beast in the desert. The tribe are fearsome warriors but this is clearly linked to their savage otherness. Which is also apparent in the scene where they almost kill Manic by abandoning him in the hottest part of the desert. Since this is a twenty-minute kids cartoon, and not a sprawling novel or film epic, there's no time for Sonic to become a better nomad than the actual nomads. Yet it still feels weird that this of all storylines is the one the show writers would choose to incorporate into their cartoon about a blue hedgehog who runs fast. 

The show's treatment of Ifyoucan and his countrymen is also hard to parse out. They get a big introduction, Ifyoucan slicing through SWATBots with a laser sword. (In yet another steal from "Star Wars," the nomads carry rifles that look a lot like the Tusken Raiders' weapons.) The finale of this episode is seven solid minutes of Sonic and his new friends tearing robots apart, with a spinning bolo also putting in an appearance. Yet other scenes paint Ifyoucan and his team as comical characters. First off, there's that weird fucking name, which is pronounce just like it's spelled. A later moment has Ifyoucan awkwardly climbing onto Sonic's shoulders and almost falling over when the hedgehog starts running. Other scenes portray his tribesmen as goofy bunglers. I don't get it, are we supposed to think these guys are cool or goofy? 

Then again, maybe I'm simply being too hard on this show. If you had to polish off an entire script in three and a half days, you'd probably stoop to recycling low-key racist plot points too. This might explain why some other plot points are underdeveloped. Manic's distrust towards Ifyoucan is never really focused on. When he discovers he's half-roboticized, it seems like that concern is well founded... But then it's revealed Ifyoucan maintains his free will and isn't a Robotnik spy. A possibly interesting plot point about being uncertain who you can trust is totally wasted, in favor of a flimsy moral about how making new friends is great. (New friends that try and kill your brother because of their archaic belief system, oops.)

This is a theme also reiterated in the episode's song. "True Blue Friend" has Sonic and his siblings expounding on how letting new friends into your life feels nice. The lyrics are mostly made up of repeating the title. The music, as you might expect, includes some vaguely Arabian drums and chanting. There's also a line about quicksand, which feels iffy. At least the song – which is utterly forgettable, having drifted out of my head less than a half hour after first hearing it – occurs at an appropriate place in the story. After being accepted into the tribe, the triplets play a song in celebration. Hey, that's actually a normal time to sing! 

There's also a few other weird things in this episode. During the big SWATBot massacre, Sonia takes one down simply by kicking it in the head. Once again attesting to Robotnik's pathetic abilities as a robot builder. Also, the episode concludes with Sleet and Dingo left wandering in the desert. Sleet turns his buddy into an umbrella to keep himself in the shade... That raises some questions. Dingo, even when transformed into a mundane object, is still a living and breathing person. He can die of sunstroke or dehydration just like anyone else. Does that mean Sleet would be perfectly willing to carry his friend's dead buddy around the desert? 

You'll have to excuse me if random brain droppings or reading way too deeply into the episode's racial politics are more interesting to me than actually discussing this deeply mediocre twenty-one minutes of television. But if you're still reading this blog, you're probably used to me doing this by now. [5/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.20: Three Hedgehogs and a Baby

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.20: Three Hedgehogs and a Baby

Original Air Date: September 24th, 1999

There aren't very many episodes of "Sonic Underground" that made much of an impression on viewers, even within the "Sonic" fandom. However, one episode has proven especially infamous. At some point, an out-of-context clip from "Three Hedgehogs and a Baby," the topic of today's review, went viral. The incredibly bizarre and badly animated sequence stood as yet another example of how cursed the entire "Sonic" franchise is. Now the time has come for me to consider this particular installment in all its glory. 

While on the trail of a new invention called a "micro-roboticizer," Sonic and his siblings hear a baby crying in an alleyway. They take the infant hedgehog back to their lair where Manic quickly forms a bond with the child, that he nicknames "Hip." However, the child holds a dark secret: He's actually an android built by Robotnik. The goal of this spy-baby is to record the path to Sanctuary. (Dingo is disguised as Hip's bassinet, for extra insurance.) Inevitably, Manic is going to discover the truth. 

"Three Hedgehogs and a Baby" is another Len Janssen scripted episode. It's another example where the "SatAM" influence is especially obvious. Robotnik is determined to seek out Sanctuary, not dissimilar to the previous iteration of the character tirelessly searching for Knothole Village. There's even a scene where Sonic and Sonia sneak into Robotnik's base, ending up surrounded by SWATBots and with electric shackles around their ankles. This is one of the few moments in the series so far where Sonic has actually come face-to-face with Robotnik, ostensibly his archenemy and the main adversary of the series. 

Yet, if this is an episode of "Underground" that can function as a SatAM" substitute, it's not a very good one. Gary Chalk's limitations as Robotnik are especially evident here. He mostly just laughs megalomaniacally, in a very exaggerated cartoon supervillain fashion. He absolutely lacks the sinister glee and malevolent intent Jim Cummings brought to the character. Sonic and Sonia never really feel like they are in danger. They escape when Sonic activates his magical guitar and creates a power outage, easy enough. Mostly, the premise doesn't really work because we've barely spent any time in Sanctuary. We aren't invested in it, the way we were in Knothole and all its residents. There's just not much tension to this episode. 

Even this is not the biggest problem facing this episode. In order for the script to be really effective, the audience has to be invested in Manic and Hip's relationship. Sadly, the baby hedgehog robot is incredibly unappealing. This is largely thanks to another hideous "Sonic Underground" character design. His eyes are squinty. His face extends upward in a weird way but also appears way too small for his head. His feet and arms seem oversized and overly detailed. It's just painful to look at him. Being a baby, he spends a lot of time crying, shitting, and burping. Which is normal but the script rarely presents the upsides of having a baby around, namely them being cute or watching them grow. Mostly, Manic goes from resenting Hip to loving him within a few scenes. I know this is a half-hour cartoon but I've seen similarly short shows endear an audience to a new character, and mine tension from their presence, way more effectively. (The "Beast Wars" episode "Transmutate" is similar to this one and about 100% better.)

Ya know, that's just the base-level incompetence that I've come to expect from this show. You can see that same lack of shits given in other elements of the episode. Namely the animation, which verges from the mediocre to the hilariously half-asses. Yes, the infamous climax of the episode is hysterically nonsensical. The scene of Hip falling through the air, Manic chasing after on his boogie board to grab him, is animated without any sense of depth or speed. The baby seems to float downward as a languid pace. The image of an infant exploding, its eyeball flying through the air and wires dangling out of its smashed head, is too bizarre. When combined with the typically terrible character designs, I can see why this moment became a minor meme. 

Aside from Hip's ghastly appearance, the worst thing about the episode is how the plot discredits its own premise. Disguising Dingo as the baby basket seems to largely void the need for the robo-baby in the first place. Why go to the trouble of building a realistic robot when you could just disguise Dingo as a mundane object and slip him in somewhere? Throughout the episode, Dingo-in-bassinet-form also sprouts limbs and moves around. This violates the previous rules we've seen regarding Dingo's transformations, where he's needed another blast from Sleet's transmogrifier to change shape... But mostly it just looks hilarious and horrible. This show presented so many moments of hideous body horror in such a casual way. (There's also a moment here were a fleet of Robotnik vehicles is perfectly cloaked, technology that probably could've been applied in a much smarter way.) 

Oh yeah, there's a song too. Of course there is. Instead of focusing on Manic and Hip's relationship, with some adorable "Kooks"-style number, the song instead generically celebrates the freedom of childhood. "Being a Kid is Cool" is, as that title indicates, totally insipid in both its lyrics and tinny music. The references to "bubbly bubble baths," ice cream, and boo-boos is sickeningly saccharine. The show seems aware of how obnoxious this song is, as we get a split-second shot of Robotnik holding his ears and grimacing. I've got to agree with that one. This is the music they play in Hell's waiting room. 

I guess I should be thankful that there aren't any poop jokes in this episode. Only one sequence is concerned with dirty diapers and it is, as far as children media's treatment of this topic goes, fairly tasteful. Truthfully, I've seen more embarrassing, more cringe-inducing episodes of this show already. (And this isn't even the worst "Sonic" cartoon about babies, as both of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog's" baby-centric episodes are considerably more grating.) Yet "Three Hedgehogs and a Baby" does deserve its infamy for the aesthetic missteps it makes. It may not be the ugliest or most bizarre episode of "Sonic Underground" but it certainly combines those attributes in a suitably baffling way. [4/10]