Sonic Boom, Episode 2.44: Vector Detector

Sonic Boom, Episode 2.44: Vector Detector

Original Air Date: September 9th, 2017

In retrospect, it's funny how much effort the "Sonic Boom" writers invested in building up the show's supporting cast in the second season. "Sonic the Hedgehog," as a franchise, is rather notorious for the ten thousand characters it has. Why spend so much time on Dave the Intern when you could have devoted an episode to beloved characters like Blaze or Silver? Hardcore fans ask questions like this all the time but the answer is obvious. Show runners and writers naturally want to develop their own world. Writers tend to make stuff their own. Creatives create. Speaking as a fan and a pretentious writer guy, I understand both perspectives. When you are banging away at a keyboard, cranking out a story, it's only natural that you're going to get invested in the deep, tragic backstory of Wade Whipple. At the same time, it does feel like a bit of a waste to have access to the vast library of "Sonic the Hedgehog" lore and not utilize more of it. When you are telling a story in an established universe, is it better to make up a new guy, to fit the needs of the plot you're writing, or should you take a pre-existing character and twist them to feed your narrative? As a fan, is it more important that the thing you like gets referenced or that it is portrayed in a way that's faithful to what made you love it in the first place? These are debates people have been having about adaptations since the beginning of human civilization. 

In other words: Does Vector the Crocodile appearing in an episode of "Sonic Boom" matter more to you than the version of Vector the Crocodile you specifically love showing up at all? It's hard to say how much the "Boom" writers grappled with these questions. Considering the show would rather throw in another joke at Old Monkey or Mayor Fink's expense than reference anything from the "Sonic" video games, I doubt it was on their minds much at all. However, rarely, the show would grab someone from established "Sonic" lore to fill a role. Considering Shadow only showed up in a season finale or Metal Sonic randomly appeared in a middling installment, this can feel like a cynical attempt to build hype. Was "Vector Detector" written because ratings were sagging and execs knew tossing in a Sega character would create buzz? Or did Reid Harrison genuinely want to use this crocodile guy, because he's a fan or he knew Vector fit the role in the story he was making? I guess we'll never know. Really, it doesn't matter. None of this matters. 

Nihilism aside, let's talk about the actual episode. Much like that one issue of the "Boom" comic book, "Vector Detector" begins with Amy noticing her beloved hammer is missing. Feeling existential angst without her trademark accessory, Amy hires a private detective to recover her beloved mallet. Vector the Crocodile, star of a reality TV show dedicated to following his exploits, is on the case. Sonic, eager to prove his own skills as a crime solver, tags along on the investigation. Together, the two follow a series of clues, discarding false leads and dead ends, that lead to the identity of the hammer thief. 

Long time readers of this blog will know that I have a complicated history with Vector the Crocodile. For years, with only one appearance in a launch title for a Genesis add-on a total of six people bought, Vector was mostly defined by his appearances in the Archie "Sonic" and "Knuckles" comics. There, Ken Penders wrote him largely as an obnoxious dumb-ass who existed to be mad at Knuckles' girlfriend – because he was in love with him??? – and spout embarrassing white guy attempts at hip-hop slang. Years later, Sega would dust the reptile off and zero in on a, up to then, downplayed part of his personality: His status as a detective. Naturally, this revamped version of Vector reached a far wider audience than the obscure Archie take. Which is probably for the best, as Knuckles really didn't need a token black friend yelling "Dayum!" or "That is whack!" 

Relics of Vector's past as a reductive stereotype still linger, such as his gold chain and headphones, but most "Sonic" media has gone all in with the detective thing. That's what "Sonic Boom" does. Their version of Vector peppers his dialogue with hard-boiled P.I. phrases. Palooka, vic, jamoke, and eighty-sixed are in his vocabulary. He calls Amy a "skirt," says someone "copped" her hammer, and accused the criminal of being a "mug." I always enjoy hearing ridiculous, old-timey slang tossed into a contemporary setting with little to no explanation. Harrison's smartly doesn't draw any attention to Vector's bizarre way of speech. However, I think more humor could've been derived from the contrast between the way he looks and sounds and his dialogue. "Boom" designers dropped the headphones and threw a leather jacket over top the standard Sega version. Keith Silverstein has been the voice of Vector since 2010, giving the crocodile a big, exaggerated sound that I've never thought fit him. (In my brain, he sounds like Tracy Morgan.) If "Boom" wanted to play into the detective thing, they should've had Vector in a fedora and trench coat, giving him a Brooklyn accent or something. Or else made a joke of why he sounds like that when he's dressed like a deejay. 

Special Guest Star Vector the Crocodile may be at the center of the story but "Sonic Boom" is still firmly entrenched with its own cast. Comedy Chimp, Wolf T. Sidekick, and Justin Beaver are all potential suspects in the hammer-napping. Fastidious Beaver has a cameo, so on and so forth. By now, "Boom" has firmly established its group of background players. That everyone in this village is always so mean-spirited and reactionary makes any of them a potential suspect. The mystery itself is not that hard to untangle. However, the trail of clues Sonic and Vector follow goes down enough wrong turns to keep me guessing for a little bit. The script copies the structure of a detective story enough to keep me intrigued throughout. This leads to some decently silly parodies of detective movie tropes, such as Vector absurdly noticing some clues that Sonic didn't see right before him, both of them playing bad cop with Dave, and a typically self-aware riff on stake-out scenes. 

Weirdly, the episode doesn't commit one hundred percent to the hard-boiled detective premise. Instead of merely being a private investigator, Vector is the star of a reality show where a camera crew follows him around as he unravels mysteries. It looks like a cross between "COPS" and "Dog the Bounty Hunter" or something but features cheesy scene transition, more akin to a sketch show from the eighties. I expected this to escalate into a proper parody of reality television, a well this show has returned to at least twice before. Instead, it's a plot point that never goes anywhere. Vector is followed around by a camera crew and that never becomes part of the story. I kept expecting a reveal that the producer or Vector were planting evidence, to make a mundane story more exciting. Or that he stole Amy's hammer in the first place, in order to necessitate being hired. Something like that kind of happens but Vector is unconnected to it and the crime has no relation to the TV show element. Definitely strikes me as a bit of a missed opportunity. 

The episode could have ran with its ideas a little more but "Vector Detector" still made me reliably chuckle. This is the first episode Reid Harrison has scripted in a while. As was the style in his season one episode, this one is packed full of jokes and sight gags. Some are self-aware in nature. Such as Amy and Knuckles obliquely commenting on how "Sonic" characters are defined by a central gimmick. Or Tails commenting on how Sonic escalated a fight with Eggman. The mad doctor, showing up for one scene of robot smashing, is a nicely irrelevant joke. As you expect from Reid, any dead space in the story is filled with tossed-off jokes. The best of which is the town cop telling a crowd that "there's nothing to see here" before noticing the crime scene and changing his mind. Or, upon seeing Justin and Fastidious interacting, Sonic deadpan suggesting that some sort of beaver conspiracy is afoot. "Boom's" silliness insists upon itself sometimes – and does so here, in a moment involving a pie eating contest – but I like the way that Harrison's one-liners casually zip by. 

I did find myself wishing Amy played a bigger role in this story. She's front and center in the opening scenes. The first moment is an amusing sequence of her greeting all the inanimate objects in her house in an overly sunshiny manner. During the fight with Eggman, she forgets she's not holding her hammer and becomes despondent, depressed without her favorite weapon. As soon as Vector enters the story, the perspective shifts totally to Sonic and the crocodile. However, Amy being confused and weepy simply because she's without her hammer could have led to way more jokes of its own. Then again, as I pointed out earlier, one of the comics featured a similar story so perhaps there was a fear of stepping on another writer's toes. Hearing Cindy Robinson act out such a scenario might have been worth it though. 

Airing so late into "Sonic Boom's" run, "Vector Detector" is naturally the character's only meaningful appearance on the show. If "Boom" had gotten a third season, I wonder if the other Chaotix might have appeared? Cartoon Network screwing this show truly robbed us of a chance to see how much speed tape the "Boom" versions of Espio and Charmy might've worn. Or at least we could have learned why this version of the crocodile has a compass tattoo on his bicep. Anyway, decent episode, even if some of its ideas are better realized than others. [7/10]

Sonic Boom, Episode 2.43: Chain Letter

Sonic Boom, Episode 2.43: Chain Letter

Original Air Date: September 2nd, 2017

The title of the ninety-fifth episode of "Sonic Boom" had me hoping it would be about Sonic and friends getting sent a letter about the ghost of a dead girl who will haunt them unless they pass it along to seven friends. Instead, the titular "Chain Letter" is simply the kicking-off point to the plot. When Eggman receives such a message on social media platform FriendSpace, he's remiss to realize he lacks the proper amount of friends to forward the bad-luck-causing letter to. This sees the villain physically going around Hedgehog Village and begging people to become his fake internet friends. He goes so far as asking Sonic and the other heroes to add him on FriendSpace. When the villain proves so annoying, bombarding the hedgehog with notifications and stale memes, Sonic un-"friends" him. This is such a crushing blow to Eggman's ego that he invents a brand new social media platform called Scrambler, designed with the sole purpose of allowing everyone to use it except Sonic. When Scrambler actually becomes extremely popular, our blue hero is annoyed by his exclusion from the superstar app. 

Internet culture moves extremely fast. What is trending on Twitter or Instagram today will be utterly forgotten in a week or two. Since making television and movies – to say nothing of animation – is a crushingly slow process in comparison, big budget shows and films can find themselves woefully behind the tide by the time they become available to the public. In its first season, "Sonic Boom" was still cracking jokes about Justin Bieber as if he was chubby-cheeked child star when he was, in fact, a grizzled 22 year old. Which is to say: This show taking on social media was always going to be a disaster full of hopelessly out-of-date references and antiquated pop culture callbacks. 

You can see this immediately. The social media platform at the center of the story is called FriendSpace, which seems to be largely inspired by Myspace and Friendster, both of which were awash in chain letters and other bullshit. Those are such old shout-outs that there's a good chance the people reading these words right now don't know what they are! In operation, "FriendSpace" seems to function a little bit more like Facebook, in the way you "friend" people, tag them in photographs, and how notifications pop up. The script at least acknowledges that such a platform – which several people talk about using on their computers holy shit – is the social media app of choice for old people. What does it position as the hip, young alternative that is beloved by the trend-chasing glamouratti? SnarkChat, an obvious spoof of Snapchat. When was the last time someone sent you anything on Snapchat? In 2024, if you're messaging people on Snapchat, you might as well be sending them a carrier pigeon. They'll be dead by the time they read it. 

If "Chain Letter" was out-of-date when it first aired, watching it seven years after the fact is truly like stepping back in time. Simply the fact that everyone refers to connecting with people on these platforms as "friend"ing seems ancient. None of us want friends anymore. We want followers. Social media has changed so much over the last decade. There's a scene here where Amy and Knuckles are sending each other messages, chatting and laughing at jokes. Nobody used social media to talk to their actual friends anymore! That's what Discord and Telegram are for, applications that very well may become abandoned ghost towns by the time this review goes up. Social media is for becoming outraged, for watching the world decay in real time. The people in this episode use social media like a bunch of old boomers, sharing faux-inspirational quotes with Minions slapped on them. The only accurate thing about social media this episode gets right is Sonic rushing to make a Scrambler account simply so he won't be left out. Remember when everyone jumped over to BlueSky and Threads, platforms that are desolate wastelands now? Fear Of Missing Out still drives a lot of online traffic, even if it can't sustain a community. 

"Chain Letter's" writer Peter Saisselin couldn't have imagined the way TikTok or AI or Cryptocurrency would make the world worse in bold, new ways. 2017 also wasn't that long ago. It was still the post-Trump era, when it became clear that the spread of misinformation online could have disastrous effects in the real world. (Which is referenced in a quick line about "the Mayor's private e-mail server.") The episode is certainly not socially aware enough to take on a menace like that but it does get one thing right: We are inundated with bullshit on social media. In 2024, it's not clickbait, pictures of people's lunches, and chain letters. Instead, it's conspiracy theories about how Democrats drink baby blood or disturbingly uncanny "artwork" a robot burnt down a patch of rain forest to churn out. And ads. Mostly, it's lots and lots of fucking ads. That is the endgame of Facebook and Twitter and all the rest stealing our personal data to sell to the highest bidder, a habit sardonically referred to in the script. The scene where Eggman and his robot assistants conceive of Scrambler – which, in 2024, would definitely have an easily copyrighted spelling like Scrmblr – details the various ways social media is designed to get people's attention and placate our need for admiration without anyone putting in actual effort. This was before the algorithm started ruling our lives, when every thought your brain farted out wasn't instantly swarmed by porn-bots. The effect is more or less the same, however. Our minds are now deafened by an ever-present storm of distraction, making it difficult to accomplish anything. 

There's a scene in "Chain Letter" where Sonic is walking through the village looking at the citizens, as they wander around hunched over their phones, their faces lit by a little screen, glued to inconsequential internet chatter. This is not that different from a type of old person scolding so commonplace that it has been reduced to a two word phrase: Phone bad. Either by keen observation of the human condition or sheer coincidence, Saisselin's script does get at a deeper truth. Eggman launches Scrambler. It becomes a hit. Everyone on the island is using it. He has thousands of online friends... And he still feels so alone. Cliched as it is to say it, the fact is online fame and attention is not nearly as gratifying as we've all been led to believe. Humans still exist in the real world and we still crave that face-to-face interaction. To hear another person's voice, to feel their warmth next to us, to smell their B.O. wafting up our noses. Our brains have been tricked enough to give us a dopamine hit for every like and heart and retweet and follow and stitch we get. That does nothing to keep us from being increasingly isolated in a world that's melting down. Maybe the scolding old people are right. A look around at the state of things presents the hard-to-deny fact that phone is bad.

"Sonic Boom's" attempt to take on what is new and fresh with a graying, arthritic approach ends up getting a lot of silly shit wrong while also accidentally nailing a few other aspects. At the end of the episode, Sonic confronts Eggman about Scrambler. The two have a heart-to-heart, concluding with Sonic finally accepting Eggman's friend request... Only for the mad doctor to unfriend him. Getting everyone hooked on Scrambler could've been a villainous ploy of Eggman's, a part of his latest scheme to rule the globe. Sonic suspects as much. Instead, his entire motivation is no more complicated than wanting to spite someone who hurt his feelings. I'm going to promote this review on an application bought out – and made substantially less functional – by a billionaire because his pop star ex-wife left him. As I write this, a failed casino owner who conned his way into the White House by weaponizing internet culture war bullshit, on his way to an attempted coup and dismantling of democracy, is trying another go at it. And why? Because he got made fun of him at a dinner thirteen years ago. The world does revolve around the petty, childish whims of rich assholes. A tech mogul sinking billions into a new start-up simply so he can point at one specific person and scream "Up yours!" at them is so plausible, it barely needs to be commented on. As much as I hate to give Aaron Sorkin any credit, he was right about that. 

At the end of the episode, having completed his goal, Eggman deletes Scrambler. This enraged the villagers but Eggman doesn't mind. He's decided that having 500 million enemies is as good as a few friends. This is an amusing conclusion that furthers one of the primary running gags of this show. Despite being an evil genius capable of manufacturing massive weapons of war, Eggman still has the mentality of a moody kid. This is very clear in the scene where he meets Sonic and friends on the soccer field, petulantly whining that they should be his pretend cyber-buddies. It's funny but it feeds back into that dispiriting truth, that pathetic personal grievances too often motivate powerful men. As much as we hate the likes of Eggman, Elon, and ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods, they are still human beings. Eggman goes around the village, asking people to be his friend, to like him. When they inevitably say no, he walks off in a huff. It is disturbingly easy to imagine Musk or Trump doing that exact thing. How many of the architects of our mutual doom have been inspired by an unfulfilled need to be liked? How many are desperate to have a simple desire for affection sated?

I feel this review got kinda dark. Let me wrap up by saying that "Chain Letter," as factually inept but secretly depressing as it might be, did make me laugh a decent amount. There is a shockingly fucked-up joke about Dave repeatedly hitting Old Man Monkey with his car. It keeps going! Another quality stretched-out gag involves the increasingly nonsensical lingo social media platforms use for basic features, which climaxes in an amusingly sarcastic wink from Sonic. There's some groaners, about old people not understanding technology, the Meh Burger complaint box, or the use of the phrase "fleek." However, I guess it was all worth it for a funny pong reference. Who doesn't love a good pong reference? 

Now that I think about it though... If Eggman had no friends on FriendSpace, who sent him the chain letters in the first place? Maybe the ghost of the dead girl did it. That's scary! So is being horribly left-behind on trends, the pathetic loneliness at the heart of all social media, and the tech giants that run them. I guess that means this was a spooktactular episode of "Sonic Boom" after all! Happy Halloween, Hedgehogs Can't Swim readers! Now, excuse me, I have to go check my notifications on Instagram and see how many upvotes a pithy comment I left on a Reddit post of a weird looking dog got... [7/10]

Sonic Boom, Episode 2.42: If You Build It, They Will Race

Sonic Boom, Episode 2.42: If You Build It, They Will Race

Original Air Date: August 26th, 2017

The last couple episodes of "Sonic Boom" have prominently featured the gang in various vehicles matched to their personalities. If you're watching the show in the order it aired, like I am, these cars popped up without any introduction. You might think that isn't too unusual for a toyetic kids show to randomly introduce something they can make toys of. But that wasn't the plan. See, keeping a tradition that goes back to "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," "Boom" did not air in production order. You wouldn't think this would be a problem for a jokey, gag-centric show like this... But the crew decided to lay on the continuity in season two, so it ended up leading to several inconsistencies. This episode has two actually. Not only does it introduce the team's cars after they've already appeared, it's also the first appearance of Tails' Build-a-Box, which showed up in "Nominatus Rising" as if it was a normal thing that had always existed. Oh, you wacky "Sonic" cartoons, when will you ever be produced without some easily avoided fuck-up?

So, yes, "If You Build, They Will Race" has Tails going to his Build-a-Box 3D printer device to whip up a new nut for his airplane. The gang decides this is so cool that they are immediately distracted from their plan to skydive into an active volcano. Tails is talked into Build-a-Boxing a bigger Build-a-Box so that the crew can 3D print a car. This soon escalates to everyone making their own cars. What else are you going to do in that scenario except have a big race? That's when Mayor Fink intervenes and says the team can't hold a race through town without filling out permits and making the competition open to everyone. The resulting competition naturally draws Eggman's attention, seeing a chance to humble his arch nemesis once again. 

Before we focus on the cool race car shit, I want to talk about something else this episode reminded me of: Who remembers when everybody thought 3D printing was going to change the world? The technology has been percolating since the seventies but the 2010s saw the release of consumer grade "additive manufacturing" machines. You could bring one home yourself for a couple hundred bucks. This led to speculation that people would be 3D printing their own cars and pacemakers and guns and all that shit in their garages. It was going to revolutionize the manufacturing industry! This was the beginning of us all having a "Star Trek" matter replicator! The end of scarcity as we know it! None of that happened! Okay, yes, 3D printing did have a big impact on the manufacturing industry. However, predictions of the tech's home use were wildly overhyped, not considering the obvious cost of material and other shortcomings. This episode of "Boom" was made right around the, uh, boom and unsurprisingly follows the fantastical pie-in-the-sky version of the tech investors promised people. The script literally hinges on Tails printing his own cars. 

But enough about that. Y'all wanna see some street racing? "If You Build It, They Will Race" – bad title, by the way – is essentially the "Sonic Boom" version of a mascot racing game. When Nintendo decided to combine the ever-green popularity of racing games with their mega-successful "Mario" series, I don't know if they predicted how irresistible this premise would be to their rivals. Yes, Pac Man, Crash Bandicoot, Banjo-Kazooie, Final Fantasy, Konami, Skylanders, Angry Birds, and even Bloodbourne have dabbled in cartoony racing spin-offs. Yet the concept has penetrated beyond the boundaries of platforming games. Basically, any company with a stable of recognizable, highly marketable characters has gotten into the field. We're talking Disney, Star Wars, DreamWorks, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Looney Tunes, Fox Animation, Lego, South Park, the Muppets, Garfield, Hello Kitty, Digimon, the goddamn M&Ms. A lot of these "MarioKart" imitators are bad but that has not stopped the subgenre from proliferating. In fact, people love them, fans often making their own. Honestly, I think we need more. When are we getting "Street Fighter Street Racing?" "Jurassic Parkway?" I wanna see bobbleheaded versions of Jason Voorhees and Freddy Kruger battling it out on the race track. Let's all demand "The Presidential Race," in which cartoon caricatures of U.S. presidents compete, not at the ballot box, but the speedway. 

Naturally, since it has followed "Mario's" lead in many ways, the "Sonic" franchise and Sega have their own mascot racing games. It's a natural enough conclusion, since Sonic is already a character preoccupied with speed. It has always struck me as funny that, out of the multiple "Sonic" racing games that exist, only one of them had the hedgehog doing the thing he's best known for: Running fast. All the others have plopped our blue friend down in his own little go-kart. As antithetical as it seems to the series' entire point, it's not hard to figure out why this is. It simply goes hand-in-hand with the corporate needs of these mascots. These characters are designed so that anyone can instantly identify their trademark qualities. Extending that to a race car that shares those qualities, and then having everyone compete, is a natural elaboration of that idea. Moreover, it fits the kid-in-a-sandbox approach to marketing. Little kids love cars. Little kids love your characters. They are probably going to imagine little cars for their favorite cartoon heroes anyway. Might as well cut out the middle man and make such vehicles canon! 

Since the "Sonic Drift" and "Sega All-Star Racing" series already existed by the time "Sonic Boom" was conceived, its not surprising an episode would riff on the idea. In fact, considering "Boom" was designed to sell video games and toys right from the get-go, I bet everyone having their own trademark vehicles was planned from the beginning. If "Rise of Lyric" hadn't flopped, would "BoomKarts" been an actual title? Whatever the origin, you can tell the designers and animators had fun making up race cars that match the gang's personalities. Knuckles has a big, dumb-looking monster truck, matching his status as a big, dumb, indomitable guy. Tails' Jeep is outfitted with gizmos to get around different terrain, reflecting his inventor personality. Amy's car is slick and stylish but also capable of brute force violence. Sticks' dune buggy looks like it was cobbled together in a cave and emphasizes stealth. Since the plot opens the race up to everyone, Dave the Intern gets a shitty looking Meh Burger-Mobile that sprays a trail of ketchup and mustard. I'm aware enough to see the blatant commercial, capitalistic greed inherent in this whole concept... But it's also fun. 

Beyond all that, as I've mentioned in the past, the race is a classic, intrinsically cinematic story. Real life drag racing is restrained by scientific laws and safety concerns. Boo, hiss. In films and cartoons, however, you can discard all that and go absolutely nuts. "MarioKart" was predated, and no doubt inspired by, "The Great Race," "Death Race 2000," "Wacky Races," and "The Cannonball Run." It's human nature: We want to see weird looking cars performing wildly dangerous stunts across improbable race tracks, usually with as many explosions and as much unnecessary violence as possible. "If You Build It" understands this and constructs the whole episode around the cars doing wacky shit and deploying unlikely gimmicks, tricks, and weapons to get ahead. Knuckles' monster truck has wheels on top of its cab, Amy's car has a hammer built into its hood, Dave has another member of the Lighting Bolt Society open a secret passageway for him.

Now, the episode could have doubled down on the gratuitous violence a bit. The crashes are all pretty tame. There is, however, a moment that surprised me: Amy totally tries to kill Sticks. She has spikes come out of her wheels and skewers her supposed friend's vehicle. Now, I know this episode resides fully in the realm of cartoon violence. That nobody is doing any of these insanely dangerous things with any expectations of actually causing harm to other people. I do think it says a lot about Amy Rose that, the minute she's put in a situation where she's competing against another woman, she immediately goes fully vicious. So much for sisterhood! I'm not sure where trying to crush your best gal pal in a car wreck falls within the "girlboss gaslight gatekeep" pattern but it's definitely in there somewhere. Maybe Knuckles was right about her...

The episode never directly addresses Sonic and his friends attempting vehicular homicide against each other. It's taken for granted that everyone sort of gets a little too caught up on the spirit of the race. However, "If You Build It..." does build towards a non-intrusive moral. As long as everyone in the race is only focused on winning, they crash their vehicles or get sucked into Eggman's trap. It's only after all they put aside their differences and work together – literally cobbling the remains of their different cars together to create some Frankensteinian super-racer – that they achieve victory in the most important goal of all: Humiliating Eggman and crushing his dreams. But I actually do like how this episode has a "team work makes the dream work!" message without putting a big bow on it for the really young or especially dense viewers. 

I laughed a decent amount too. Lots of good ol' fashion silliness abounds here, such as in an opening fixation on manufacturing bigger bolts or Sonic having a massive slip of the tongue. Once the race starts, the episode moves more towards visual gags. However, I did find some of Soar the Eagle's running commentary amusing. He gets all the episode's meta gags, putting out that it's weird the fox can fly on his own but he, the bird, needs a jet pack. Or pointing out the obviousness of the tortoise and the hare ending. The ending gag bumps right up against boomer-ish complaining but is saved by the overall absurdity of the joke. 

Overall, it's a pretty solid episode... Except for one thing. See, some of the racing scenes actually look decent. Amy and Sticks' vehicle colliding or Sonic going around those curves look fine, fast-paced and dynamic. However, other times, the animation sinks to some very rubbery levels. This is most apparent in the scenes where a downed tree threatened the race or whenever Amy's car deploys the robot arm holding a hammer. Dave getting splattered with mud looks as shitty as any other time this show attempts to animate viscous fluids of any type. Money and/or time must have completely run out by the final scene, where Sonic's arms seem to stretch out by about four feet. I guess they saved all the resources for the flashier racing scenes and didn't worry so much about the rest of the episode. 

Considering the title is a lame "Field of Dreams" joke, this one ended up being quite amusing overall. I guess "Wacky Races but with the Sonic Boom cast" turned out to be a totally fitting episode premise after all. Now I wonder what go-karts themed to other characters in the "Sonic" franchise would look like... Archie fucked up never doing a racing plot in the comics early years. I want to know what Antoine and Sally's little speedster would have looked like! Alas. Anyway, this episode is fine. Excuse me while I start drafting a pitch for “Monster Island Grand Prix” to sell to Toho... [7/10]

Sonic Boom, Episode 2.41: Where Have All the Sonics Gone?

Sonic Boom, Episode 2.41: Where Have All the Sonics Gone?

Original Air Date: August 19th, 2017

Continuing the habit "Sonic Boom: Season Two" has developed of actually reusing characters basically introduced as one-off gags, "Where Have All the Sonics Gone?" begins with Eggman visiting his Mombot. (Who he has set up with a little hut in the village, it seems.) His "brother" Steve/Morpho is already there and winning Mombot's favor. That's when the two Eggmen, with their mechanical mother's encouragement, decide to work together. Steve sends Sonic to an alternate universe, where the hedgehog has never existed. There, Sonic discovers a world where Eggman rules as a tyrannical despot. He soon rounds up his friends from the different roles they inhabit within this strange new world. Meanwhile, back in the original Hedgehog Village, Morpho repeatedly attempts and fails to take Sonic's place. 

It would seem that the multiverse is the one concept that the "Sonic the Hedgehog" franchise can't quit. I suppose it's more accurate to say that sci-fi/action/adventure stories, in general, have an addiction to alternate universes. Exploring the question of "what if things were just slightly different?" is too tempting a premise not to run with, it appears. Speaking honestly though, "Sonic" has definitely returned to this well a lot. It was the entire premise of the most recent "Sonic" animated series. The Archie comics had their own convoluted DC/Marvel style multiverse. I suppose Sega has a history of touching on this idea too. Via the various alternate timelines of Blaze, Silver, and Eggman Nega's stories. Or the time travel gimmick of "Sonic CD," the progenitor of that idea. Most pertinently, "Sonic Boom" already did its alternate universe episode. That's why Marine and Cedric Lachenaud's script has Morpho specifically sending Sonic to an alternate world where the hedgehog doesn't exist, in order to avoid any space/time disrupting mishaps. 

However, I can forgive the show for going back to the parallel universe idea. This set-up exists to answer a different question than "Two Good to Be True." That episode was "What if... Knuckles' was hyper-confident, instead of a buffoon?" This episode is "What if... Sonic was never born?" That makes it another riff on "It's a Wonderful Life," easily the most wildly imitated of all alternate dimension premises. This one makes the suggestion clear that the blue hedgehog is the difference between a world where Eggman is a clownish joke-villain that is easily defeated every week and a world-conquering tyrant that brings the island to its knees. It's not that Sonic's friends aren't competent crime fighters in their own rights. Sticks has set up an underground rebellion. Tails is still an engineering genius. Sonic is the uniting force that brings them all together into the world's most fearsome fighting team.

Being a ten minute cartoon focused on getting yuks, "Where Have All the Sonics Gone?" doesn't have time to explore this premise in much depth. It barely has enough time to set it all up, before Sonic is getting the band back together and taking the fight to "Lord" Eggman. It is further distracted by forgetting what kind of alternate universe Sonic has land in. It seems the writers are unsure if this an "It's a Wonderful Life" world or a Bizarro World, where things are arbitrarily different. Here, Dave is an excellent food server at a fancy restaurant called Gourmet Burger. Tails is working for Eggman, instead of the good guys. On the other hand, Sticks is still a paranoid conspiracy theory, ranting about aliens. (Albeit one with a bitchin' eye-patch.) Knuckles is still a weightlifting meathead. Amy appears to be exactly the same. Eggman doesn't seem to be any different either, as he's as easily thwarted once Sonic shows up. It's an inconsistent mix of two separate ideas, making this AU seem more slapped together. 

Mostly though, I think the lack of time was the biggest problem. Not only is this episode shorter than your standard half-hour action cartoon, it has to share the script with the subplot of Morpho's scheme in the prime universe. That means the already standard alternate reality premise gets rushed through. Sonic realizes what is going on immediately. Amy busts him out of jail shortly after that. Sticks and the rebellion is introduced, Knuckles is recruited. Everyone heads over to wail on Eggman's ass. Which they proceed to do within minutes. Tails' entire character arc occurs within a second or two. I can't tell if Amy was already a member of Sticks' rebel underground or if seeing Sonic stand up to Eggman radicalizes her. The entire scenario is rushed through, making you wonder why the show wanted to do this stock plot in the first place.  

I can pinpoint easily why I'm disappointed in the half-assed treatment of this set-up. Say, Sonic and his friend operating as guerilla revolutionaries against Eggman and the dictatorship he's established over the world... Where have I heard that one before, hmmm? Yes, the altered timeline Sonic is dropped into in "Where Have All the Sonics Gone?" has a passing resemblance to "SatAM" and the comic book that spawned from it. Some of the roles the gang get shoved into here also resemble "SatAM" and the Archie-verse. Sticks operates in a Sally-like role as a field leader. (Her having an eye patch, much the same way Anti-Antoine did, is certainly a coincidence. It's an example of two hacky writers using the same visual shorthand to suggest an alternate history. But don't think I didn't notice it!) This means the rebellion carries something of a primitive vibe, using spears, hiding in the woods, in a vaguely Knothole-like setting. Amy's need to hammer shit supplants her girlier side, as it often did in the comics. There are "SatAM"/"Archie Sonic" vibes all over this episode. 

I doubt it was a deliberate reference too. "Sonic Underground" – which also did an alternate universe episode, now that I think about it – was directly inspired by "SatAM." However, I doubt that this episode or the New Yoke City parts of "Sonic Prime" were thinking about King Acorn, Uncle Chuck, or Julian Kintobor any. Instead, it seems to me that there is something irresistible about sticking Sonic into a set-up where he's the Rebels and Eggman/Robotnik is the Empire. I suppose you can gleam this in the original Genesis games, where Sonic battles against the industrialization of the natural world by his technology obsessed archenemy. Is it all the lingering influence of the U.S. Story Bible, that Fleetway also pulled from? Does Sonic being a sarcastic crimefighter make the leap to him being a freedom fighter against authoritarian forces a natural idea? Either way, it is very interesting that at least three separate cartoons have independently arrived at more-or-less the same conclusion.

I suppose my point is that this should have been at least a two-parter. There's too much story hinted at in the alternate universe, too many ideas left unexplored, for that side of the episode to be truly satisfying. Instead, the Lachenauds probably should have focused the entire script on its B-plot. Season two of "Boom" has built episodes around Eggman having a brother and a mom. Slapping those two set-ups together, where Eggman and Steve get into constant sibling rivalry over earning Mombot's affection, easily could have supported an entire installment. Both Eggman's brother and Mom being relatively recent introduction into his life, but the doctor instantly falling into archetypal roles with them, is a good joke to begin with. Instead, we only get a very brief, quite funny scene at the beginning of the two Eggmen slap-fighting with each other while Mombot pulls them apart. 

The brothers teaming up is simply the beginning of another plot point that easily could've been a whole episode too. After Sonic is teleported to the other world, Morpho disguises himself as the hedgehog and attempts to fill the role. He's extremely bad at it, immediately alerting everyone to the imposter's presence. I think he gets worse as the episode goes on. When he asks Amy out on a date, she picks up quickly that "Sonic" is being too considerate. At least that's a decent imitation because, by the end, Morpho is tossing out the wrong catchphrases and needing explicit direction from Eggman not to fuck up. It's a good joke! There's a lot of amusing gags here. Like Alt-Knuckles signing an autograph with an X or Sonic's response to Alt-Sticks still ranting about aliens. "Where Have All the Sonics Gone?" features some of "Boom's" trademark biting-the-hand humor too. Most of the episode is built around "Boom"-exclusive, peripheral characters like Steve and Mombot. When Morpho changes into Vector, Metal Sonic, and Shadow – actual fan favorites that "Sonic" devotees always cheer for – for a split second each, it can't help but read as a smart-ass rebuttal to people demanding "Boom" resemble the games more. 

All of the above is, I suppose, a long-winded way of me saying that the writers' eyes were a bit bigger than their tummies. They casually throw a lot of interesting ideas out here and never bother to give any of them a fair treatment. (Here's another one: If Morpho can casually jump across the multiverse, why doesn't he take his brother to a world without a Sonic and an Eggman, a place he can take over with ease? I guess that would make too much sense...) This is a natural inclination of a comedy show with such short episodes. I can't come away from this one satisfied, even if it did make me laugh a decent amount. [6/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 73

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 73

Original Publication Date: September 18th, 2024

Am I the impatient one here? As I crack open the brand new issue of IDW's "Sonic the Hedgehog" comic, all I can think is "Are we still doing this racing thing?" This is the fifth issue devoted to this particular storyline. And we've got two more installments of this shit left to go, as IDW editorial is truly determined to drag this out until the next anniversary issue. That means, by the time this plot finally concludes, exactly two story arcs will be resolved by the end of 2024! I thought races were supposed to be over quickly? This is why I'm of the opinion that comic storylines should never extend past four issues. A racing arc is a lot like a fighting tournament arc: It's fun for two, maybe three months. After that, we are ready for an installment not concerned with an unimportant competition and instead with some real stakes. 

Of course, Evan Stanley and her team certainly want the Clean Sweepstakes tournament to have some real stakes. As with the last two issues, #73 is simply jammed packed full of incidents. The racers prepare for the final leg, a leap off a floating platform into a free fall towards Central City. Like clockwork, the Phantom Rider shows up to cause trouble. The security team is ready for him, this time. Surge grabs the Rider's transformation gizmo, revealing to the public that this criminal is – sacre bleu! – Sonic the Hedgehog! Of course, Tangle and Whisper knew this already but didn't see fit to tell Lanolin, leading to some trouble of their own. Meanwhile, Amy, Tails, and Belle are still running around that fucking ship. They somehow run into Don the Rooster who then leads them to the imprisoned Chaotix. Sure, why not? Even more meanwhile, Jewel finally realized that Clutch is making off with the Restoration right under her cute little olive nose, causing the supervillain to stop fuckin' around and finally going on the offensive. 

Yes, if the above plot synopsis didn't make it clear, this is another issue that doesn't have much in the way of pacing on its own. Instead, once again, Stanley wastes another month by having a collection of subplots spin their wheels for several pages. Surge trying to get back at her shitty boss and prove her heroics moves forward a little bit. Amy, Tails, and Belle screwing around on Clutch's battleship inches ahead. There's a brief acknowledgement of Jet's ongoing rivalry with the Phantom Rider, without that storyline actually advancing any. If Stanley had decided to focus on one of this plot points, we might have had a compelling ongoing story that actually feels like it's moving. Instead, this shotgun blast approach to writing means so much is happening in this comic book without bringing us significantly closer to any sort of proper conclusion. Does Evan know that story arcs have, ya know... Parts? It's not one long narrative broken up into random intervals and spaced out over seven fucking months! 

Sorry if I'm coming off as cranky here. I'm having a hard time looking past how disorganized and sluggish this storyline devoted to, ironically enough, a high-speed race has been. The sole plot thread keeping me invested in this rambling mess of a soap opera has been Surge coming into her own as a hero and an independent thinker. After Clutch tried to put the tenrec in her place during the last issue, she takes the fight right to the Phantom Rider. She reveals his secret identity to everyone on national television. The issue tries and plays this as a big triumphant moment, of Surge getting one over on a rival, proving her strength while also somehow sticking it to Clutch. And how exactly is that the case? If Surge's character development over this storyline has seen the once villain realizing that being beloved, instead of hated, has benefits of its own... How do these events follow that progression? I mean, it's certainly in keeping for Surge's personality to act impulsively and start wildly attacking people when she doesn't know what else to do... But she wrestles with and shocks Tangle, a beloved member of the Restoration, during this moment. This will presumably not make her more popular with people! However, Stanley is working so hard to get that epic anime moment of Surge snatching Sonic's Power Morpher away from him that any sort of logic or reason goes out the window. It's never a good thing when you have to put the comic book down for a second and think out loud to yourself "Why is this character doing this?"

Sonic having his cover blown on what is, presumably, the Mobian equivalent of the Super Bowl would be, from any traditional perspective, the big moment in this issue. That would be a dramatic panel to leave us readers on, don't you think? Oh no, this new supervillain that has become the biggest menace to, uh, hoverboard racing has been revealed to be, in fact, the planet's greatest hero! Instead, Stanley sticks this moment in the middle of the book in-between a number of other plot developments, where it quickly gets lost in the shuffle. We only get the briefest glimpse at the viewers at home reacting to this shocking event before the book shifts focus again to something else, meaning the impact is not felt at all. 

Instead, the big cliffhanger this issue is devoted to Clutch personally sending his goons after Amy, Tails, and Belle As deep within the bowels of his ship. Another goal of this particular story arc has been, I think, to make Clutch into a major villain in the "Sonic"-verse. However, I can't say my opinion of Clutch has changed any over the last few issues. Instead, what this particular event has convinced me of is that Jewel the Beetle should not be leading the Restoration. Issue 73 kicks off with Jewel confronting the possum, having finally figured out that he's up to no good Maybe it's because I, as a reader looking down on this events from beyond the fourth wall, already know that Clutch is a bad guy. However, that it took Jewel this long to stand up to the obviously evil guy dressed like a cartoon gangster only makes her seem lacking in perceptive. As the leader of the Restoration, shouldn't Jewel have intel all over the world? Shouldn't she have known from the beginning that Clutch was anything but a moral businessman? The fact that the villain was allowed to get this deep into his scheme without being called on it doesn't make him seem powerful and intelligent. It only makes the good guys look easily fooled. Considering this is the third time in recent memory that a clear enemy has walked into the Restoration and said "It's okay, you can trust me," maybe they are, in fact, idiots. 

Sometimes, it feels like the only way Evan Stanley knows how to make a story feel big and important is by including as many characters as possible. "Urban Warfare" was held back by the sheer number of characters, of perspectives, it had to include. As the Clean Sweepstakes plot has gone on, Stanley shows she hasn't learned from that mistake any. This arc has actually introduced more characters as it's gone along. Last issue brought Nite and Don into it. Don – who, I feel compelled to point out, is a janitor – gets directly involved in the action here, helping Amy, Tails, and Belle out. When Belle asks him "Who are you again?," that feels like a reasonable question. Amy almost smashes him with a hammer at first, because she doesn't truly know him or have any reason to trust him. However, Stanley has decided Don is important to this story so now he's a part of it, another cog introduced in the vast, disorganized machine that has become this story arc. 

Oh yeah, Don knows the Chaotix too, did I mention that? Yeah, the detective trio are now involved in this storyline too. It would seem that Clutch has had the three of them locked up in a cage inside the Krugerian boiler room deep within his flying battleship. Did we know this information? I can't remember at this point. Last time we saw the Chaotix, weren't they playing with some flowers? Somehow, I don't think it's a good thing when a comic book requires you to have a mental flowchart of where all the characters are at all times. Anyway, Vector has a thumb drive full of all of Clutch's dirty laundry, something the villain didn't think to take away from him the entire he's had him imprisoned. Yes, five issues deep into this plot, we're finding out that the Chaotix have been important characters to this story the whole time. If only comics were a visual medium and there had been some way to convey this information to the reader before now... 

Sorry if this issue put me in a crabby mood. The truth is I didn't totally dislike this one. The saving grace for the last few issues has been the little character moments Stanley has sneaked in between all the stuff happening. There isn't much of that here. However, when Jewel comes to Tangle and Whisper to talk to them early in the issue and the lemur gives her old friend a great big hug? Yeah, that was adorable. There is plenty of good artwork on display too. I ultimately didn't find Sonic and Surge's rumble here all that rewarding but Min Ho Kim assures that it looks cool. If the big fight between Surge and "The Phantom Rider" is the main reason this issue exists, at least there's plenty of exciting visuals. Though it probably says a lot about how meandering this plot has gotten that the thing I've seen people discussing the most about this issue is all the O.C.s Kim hid among the various crowd scenes. I like the bluish fox thing with the fancy anime gloves we see hanging out at the starting line or the girl with white and blue bangs and a black Chao sign seemingly trying to avoid a bad date in the bleachers. 

The longer this race stretches on, the more convinced I am that this entire story should've been about Surge grappling with becoming a beloved hero. I don't care about Clutch's criminal empire being exposed. I don't care about Sonic's identity as the Phantom Rider being revealed. I really don't care about whatever the hell Amy or Jet or Lanolin or Don and Nite or "Duo" have been doing during all of this. And I absolutely do not care who wins the race! Wasn't that what this storyline was supposed to be about to begin with? It's hard to remember now. People seem to be enjoying the high-speed action scenes and large cast in this arc, showing me once again that "Sonic" fans are not concerned with things like narrative structure or pacing or whether you care about the plot. Am I a bitchy old man or does this fandom deserve less? No, it's the children that are wrong. [5/10]

Sonic Boom, Episode 2.40: Three Men and My Baby!

Sonic Boom, Episode 2.40: Three Men and My Baby!

Original Air Date: August 12th, 2017

When Ian Flynn and Tracy Yardley got their job on Archie's "Sonic" comic, it really was one of those events that quietly changes the franchise. In the comics side of the "Sonic" universe, Flynn and his friends have basically been running things since, defining what "Sonic" comics look and feel like for many fans. Yet Flynn and the other former fan artists who followed him into official status were not content to stop there. Flynn, Tyson Hesse, and Evan Stanley have all made the leap to other wings of the franchise, working on the games, the movies, and other tie-ins projects. To think it all started because a very ambitious fanfic writer wouldn't stop submitting his resume to Archie! Stanley – who recently directed the animated short promoting "Sonic Superstars" – similarly followed Flynn to "Sonic Boom." She only wrote one episode, "Three Men and My Baby!," but it's still crazy to me to see someone from the comic books involved with the cartoons. Especially when you know that person got her start as a fan artist. Dreams do come true sometimes, I guess. 

But what about the episode itself? "Three Men and My Baby!" begins with Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles doing an incredibly dangerous stunt, the hedgehog and the fox hoverboarding behind a monster truck Knuckles is driving. When he takes a pizza slice out of the oven inside the cab, Knuckles burns his hands. The truck careens into the village, hits a tree, and injuries Lady Walrus. Feeling rightly responsible for hurting the woman, the three guys agree to take care of her frequently imperiled infant, Chumley, until she's no longer bedridden. Obviously, these three overgrown boys are not ready for the pressures of parenthood. Babysitting proves harder than they imagined but, maybe, just maybe, this experience will reach them a lot about responsibility... And a little bit about life... 

Of the many running gags in "Sonic Boom," there are some I'm fond of and others I merely tolerate. I love Sticks' paranoid delusions while Dave's wheezy exclamation of "I'm on my breeeeak" has only been funny once or twice. Definitely ranking near the bottom of my personal ranking of "Boom's" reoccurring jokes is Lady Walrus' frequent declaration of "My baby!" whenever her infant child is in danger. It's not much of a joke, in my opinion. This would-be high society woman being unable to take care of her own child, constantly relying on the town heroes to save him, is a mildly amusing scenario, I guess. There is absurdity to be found in the unlikeliness of it happening over and over again. In general, however, I would say "Boom" rams that gag in too many times. Frequently, it feels like they throw in a "My baby!" joke whenever they know they need a gag in a scene but can't think of anything better. 

With this knowledge in mind, the prospect of building a whole episode around Lady Walrus or her neglected children did not make me excited. Moreover, "Sonic" cartoons do not have the best track record for babysitting episodes. "Babysitter Jitters," from "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," was extremely annoying. Meanwhile, "Sonic Underground's" similarly entitled "Three Hedgehogs and a Baby" is among some of the most cursed animation to feature the speedy hero. Nevertheless, it seems sticking a baby into an established group of characters, especially if they are clearly unfit to be parents, is too reliable a sitcom premise to avoid. "Three Men and My Baby!" doesn't avoid most of the expected story beats for this kind of plot. Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles struggle with feeding the baby or his constant crying. Once they get him to sleep, he's naturally awoken suddenly by some outside incursion. Anybody who has dealt with a child or a younger sibling can relate to these challenges but "Boom" doesn't do anything too special with them. If anything, the short runtime of the episodes means "Three Men and My Baby!" has to rush through the standard arc of the guys at first resenting the child before learning to love it. Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles seem to switch over from being irritated by Chumley's nonstop crying to embracing their status as quasi-parents over the course of a montage. 

You can ask the question of why this set-up is so common in children's television, to the point that this is the third "Sonic" cartoon to do it. I guess the obvious answer is that a lot of television writers are probably parents themselves, making the daily strife and rewards of raising a child a clear example of "write what you know." If you look at all children's TV as, in some way or another, educational to the kids watching, I suppose episodes like this prepare the viewers at home for the challenges of child raising some point much further in the future, hopefully. Maybe the logic is that the intended audience isn't that much older than babies themselves so, perhaps, they'll be delighted by the inclusion of someone from the under-twelve-months club. 

Or, maybe, it's something much simpler... Maybe it's the poop jokes. "Three Men and My Baby!" does indeed feature the inevitable sequence of Sonic and the others dealing with the perils of changing a diaper. It's a lengthy scene and it's immediately followed by another joke about Chumley shitting his pants. Gross-out humor is one of the reliable methods to get laughs out of little kids and those who are mentally still children. I'm not saying I've never laughed at a poop joke before in my life. I have cracked plenty of them myself on this very blog. However, scatological humor such as this usually resides at the lowest tier of comedy for me. The sight of Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails dealing with a feces filled nappy does not fill me with mirth. Rather, it makes me glower sorrowfully and think "Wow, really? It's come to this, huh?" If you're going to throw in a poo joke, make it absurd. Really have the presence of excrement be an unexpected element in the scenario. Simply having the punchline be "Arrrrgh, the baby took a big stinky shit and it's so stinky and shitty, uhhggggh!" feels a bit desperate. I expect a baby to crap in its diaper! That's not surprising! Isn't a good punchline supposed to be unpredictable? 

Anyway, enough about that shit. Let's talk about some other shit. Does this episode manage to wring any laughs out of its middling premise? Eh, a couple. The ridiculousness of Knuckles having a pizza oven in his truck comes back around a few times. There's a couple of decent zingers here, most of which result from Knuckles being a very silly fellow. The scene where he very nearly answers the question of "A baby walrus: Will it blend?" is probably the highlight of this episode. However, I do feel like "Sonic Boom" could have had more over-the-top fun with the unlikeliness of Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles dealing with a child. Especially since the first scene calls attention to how wildly irresponsible these guys can be. Why wasn't the baby in the monster truck scene? Missed opportunity! 

There is one of the typical self-aware jokes here. When Eggman awakens Chumley during his attack, he sarcastically apologizes for inserting an action scene into an episode otherwise concerned with the mundanity of babysitting. Instead of getting a laugh, this scene feels like the script admitting that this one wasn't the best effort. I like Evan Stanley well enough but, if this is an example of her trying her hand at "Boom's" brand of comedy, maybe it's for the best that she didn't write another episode of this series. There's a Dreamboat Express scene and it was funny, suggesting we should've gotten a whole boy band episode. Unless that means we would've gotten a reprise of "Its Cool to Be a Kid!" Actually, pretend I never said that... [5/10]