Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings - Episode 3: To the ARK

Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings - Episode 3: To the ARK

Original Release Date: October 10th, 2024

The three episodes of "Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings" were released weekly in the lead-up to the eponymous remaster/bonus game dropping on October 25th. Yes, the Year of Shadow would essentially climax very close to Halloween, confirming once and for all that Shadow is the most goth of all the "Sonic the Hedgehog" characters. Could they have slipped in a little more weird alien body horror transformations so I could officially consider this a Halloween special? Anyway, four whole days after "To the ARK" was released, a compilation of all three episodes of "Dark Beginnings" would also drop. This gave the impression that such a format was probably how the entire animation was meant to be seen originally. It's harder to build hype when putting out one fourteen short than it is with the weekly drip-feed of episodes. Either way, "Dark Beginnings" ultimately being more of a single little movie than a TV series means it can be logged on Letterboxd, for the handful of people who are both "Sonic" nerds and hardcore cinema devotees. There are dozens of us, probably. 

Because your friends are more important than your employees, "To the ARK" begins with Rouge and Omega helping Shadow break into a GUN base so he can high-jack a rocket ship. After blowing up quite a lot of GUN's robots and vehicles, our hypothetically ultimate protagonist reaches the space shuttle he is seeking. As he launches off towards the ARK, GUN plans on shooting him out of the sky... Before Commander Tower intervenes, calling off the attack, and saying that he understands where Shadow is coming from. Shadow flies towards the ARK, and the threat that dwells there, and remembers his time with Maria before we cut to black. If you want to see the rest of the story, buy the video game, kid. 

Having seen all of "Dark Beginnings" now, the purpose of this cartoon emerges. In the ramp-up to the new game and movie coming out, Sega wanted to remind anyone who had forgotten how fucking cool Shadow the Hedgehog is. That's why most of this three-parter was devoted to the grumpy hedgie getting into lots of fights and blowing tons of shit up. One assumes that this is why Sega hired Christopher Luc and Kevin Molina-Ortiz to direct this thing. Those guys do kick-ass action and that's what they deliver. And you don't need me to tell that, simply as a display for some rad as fuck action animation, "Dark Beginnings" is a massive success. A good chunk of this episode is devoted to Shadow fighting the Blue Falcon. Not the Hanna-Barbera superhero, sadly, but the weird hovercraft thing from the "Shadow" video game. He Chaos-Controls around the industrial launch base, exploding hordes of missiles with his superpowers, and eventually taking down the vehicle personally. Yeah, it's cool as shit looking, with lots of fast-paced animation, weaving camera angles, expressive colors, and high-impact blows. 

The intent of nearly fourteen minutes of Shadow kicking ass and taking names is clear: To wash the bad taste of any middlingly received solo games and remind players that Shadow the Hedgehog is a bad-ass with a sensitive side. Obviously, the overwhelming majority of "Sonic" fans probably don't need to be reminded of this but, if "Dark Beginnings'" flashy as hell animation convinced one extra person to buy "Sonic X Shadow Generations," it probably did its job. The unstoppable super-hero who is gruff and doesn't give a shit, but is driven by a secret pain motivated by the loss of a loved one years ago, is a well known character type. However, there is apparently one thing Shadow isn't willing to do: After thoroughly disabling the Blue Falcon, he makes sure to personally activate the eject feature for the pilot. I don't know if this reflects a personal code on the hedgehog's behalf or if he simply feels it unnecessary to murder a G.U.N. officer just doing his job. It is a reminder that these characters are for little kids and probably shouldn't murder indiscriminately.

Considering the people working on this series would've been aware of the upcoming DC Comics crossover, it can't help but feel like another parallel to Batman. Shadow may be the best there is at what he does but what he does is only a little bit not-so-nice. He does not carry a licence to kill in his wallet and he's never murdered three men with a pencil, a fucking pencil. He's the dark and brooding defender of the world who still believes in the sanctity of human life, old chum. I do wish that "Dark Beginnings" had a little more time, in-between all its bitchin' action scenes, to delve into this idea a little more. The death of Maria floats over the entire series. Her loss will haunt Shadow forever. If his unwillingness to blow up faceless mooks and rip Eggman's throat out with his gloved hands was a reflection of this trauma, an insistence not to out other people through the same pain he's experienced, that sure would've been nice. Instead, it's one little moment in a six minute episode much more concerned with blowing shit up than the consequences of said shit blowing up. I bet the wife and daughter of that G.U.N. pilot will be thankful to the Ultimate Lifeform for sparring their husband/dad's life, assuming his injector seat didn't crash land into a mine field or a pool full of sharks.

I would've liked to have seen a little more insight into Shadow's code of honor but Ian Flynn has other concerns with this last episode. You gotta fill in those plot holes, man. Shadow working with G.U.N. is a well established factoid now, portrayed in the comics and video games. This is despite, ya know, that being the organization that killed his favorite person ever. The implication has always been that Shadow working with G.U.N. represents the fulfillment of his character arc. He's moved on from his pain, wants to help the world, and working with totally-not-S.H.I.E.L.D. is the best way to do that. As far as I know, this has never been exactly stated though. Moreover, why would G.U.N. want Shadow's help, considering he's blown up plenty of their shit in the past and continues to do so, as this cartoon depicts? 

As it is with Hollywood, turns out there is nothing more important than who you know. "Dark Beginnings" reminds us that Shadow and Commander Tower go way back. That they grew up together. Turns out, this makes the head huncho at G.U.N. totally fine with their top agent sometimes going on destructive rampages against them. I guess G.U.N. doesn't have much in the way of authority oversight so Abe and Shadow kind of knowing each other is enough for everyone to overlook all the senseless destruction. This still doesn't quite explain why Shadow would partner up with these assholes but it at least shows there's some sort of link there. 

That halfway explains why Shadow gets a pass for destroying expensive G.U.N. and God knows what else. What is Rouge and Omega's excuse, for aiding and abetting a rogue agent in his misadventures? Commander Tower actually points this out to Rouge specifically. She brings him a thumb drive full of Eggman secrets of some sort to compensate. Mostly, I think her batting her big beautiful eyelashes at her boss, playfully calling him "Abe," puffing up her lips and pushing out the 22Fs, is the real reason for him to forgive her. Okay but Omega has noticeably less sex appeal than Rouge. He definitely helps blow up G.U.N. robots in this episode, including a really cool shot of him employing a big-ass Gatling gun. I guess Tower is reluctant to confront the eight foot tall, heavily-armed murder bot about his indiscretions. What I'm saying here is that G.U.N. doesn't give a shit and let's their agents do whatever, no matter the cost to themselves and others. Your typical black ops organization, in other words. 

But there I go picking at nits again. Sorry, I can't help myself sometimes. The real point of "To the ARK" is not to display some sick fight scenes or give us a peek at the inner workings of G.U.N. higher-ups. Not unlike the various "TailsTube" episodes, "Dark Beginnings" is basically a commercial. It's meant to remind us to run out and buy that new video game. This is most apparent in how "Dark Beginnings" is also a prequel to "Shadow Generations," leading right into the start of the game. In other words, there's no room here to tell a complete story. "Dark Beginnings" doesn't truly have an ending, stopping at the point when Shadow is about to reach the ARK. Unable to tell a complete narrative, the last part of "Dark Beginnings" attempts to create some sense of emotional resolution instead. While on the rocket ride, Shadow thinks back to Maria. He gets sad and wistful for a minute before shaking it off. What this moment does is reveal that a lot of Shadow's tough guy personality is a put on. Inside, he's still a hurt kid still reeling from the sudden death of his older sister figure. It is a nice little moment that does bring things full circle to some degree, re-centering the story once again around Shadow's most important bond. 

If you missed the significance of that, "Dark Beginnings" also includes, in its last few minutes, a weepy pop ballad. I got flashbacks to all those would-be Disney animated movies from the nineties that included a pop version of a song over the end credits in the hopes of getting an Oscar nomination. "Without You" by Casey Lee Williams – apparently best known for one of those internet animated series that look like anime but aren't – skips the synth sparkles but otherwise hits all the clichés of the Oscar Bait Song. It is full of straining emotion, sweeping instruments, and vocals that reach for the heavens in terms of the feeling they hope to convey. The lyrics describe Shadow's difficulty in moving on from Maria's loss. It goes right for the heart and wants to see you cry. I find the song a little overwrought, to say the least, but it does go a long way to making "Dark Beginnings" feel more like a real movie than an ad. They are plucking those heart strings hard. 

While the lack of something like a real ending is an inevitable consequence of "Dark Beginnings" being a lead-in to a new video game, it doesn't kill the buzz the rest of this series gave me too much. If you watch the 14 minute compilation, you get an extra scene of Black Doom brooding aboard the ARK after the credits, an inessential addition. Playing through "Sonic X Shadow Generations" also reveals and additional scene, of Shadow and Maria hugging it out some more. That one feels a bit more like an actual ending, despite still not wrapping up any of the narrative threads. It's hard to give "Dark Beginnings" anything but the highest recommendations based simply on its gorgeous animation. Out of all the new "Sonic" animation to come out of the Youtube channel, I don't think this tops "Sonic Frontiers Prologue: Divergence" as my fave but it's definitely a real piece of art nevertheless. Why can't all "Sonic" media be this damn pretty and be willing to get a little sadder more often? Hopefully Luc and Molina-Ortiz get invited back to do more stuff like this during the, I don't know, The Year of Cream or whatever promotional stunt Sega does next. [8/10]

Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings - Episode 2: Finding the Way

Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings 

Episode 2: Finding the Way

Original Release Date: October 3rd, 2024

While I will admit to a certain cynicism concerning the typical fandom reaction to any and every new "Sonic the Hedgehog" character, the fact is that this series is especially good at designing new cast members. I don't mean solely visually, though an eye-catching design does seem to be enough to get most fans hyped. (Hence the aforementioned cynicism.) While you can complain about how many of the "Sonic" characters are truly essential, the artists and writers are very good about finding roles that were previously unfilled and sticking them together in compelling ways. Shadow's whole thing is that he's a loner, right? Rouge is a morally neutral jewel thief, far more interested in her next score than anything else, yes? These two should *not* be team players. Team Dark, however, has become an pivotal part of the "Sonic" universe. Somehow, when you combine the angsty super-being and the tricky femme fatale with a destruction obsessed kill-droid, it just works. The three personalities play off each other perfectly. The government of Sonic's world deciding to cram three people who would otherwise be supervillains and decide to let them focus their antisocial personality traits on the enemy is some succinct world building. There's a reason "The Dirty Dozen" is a classic and has spawned so many Thunderbolts and Suicide Squads. There's something irresistible about a bunch of assholes and crooks being very much forced to work together for the greater good. Let's us have our villainous cake and eat some moral relatively too or something. 

Anyway, I bring this up because the second episode of "Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings" reunites the star attraction with the other two members of Team Dark. Not that Shadow was intentionally seeking them out. Following his dream/vision last episode, Shadow is looking for a space craft to reach the ARK. He headed to the nearest Eggman base to find one. By a massive coincidence, this is the same base that Rouge and Omega are currently attacking for some reason. She claims it's just a supplies depot, with no rocket ships in sight, but does agree to help Shadow out... Assuming he comes to Sonic's birthday party with her. In-between conversation points, the trio murder a shit ton of Egg Drones and Shadow reflects on a memory of Maria comforting him when he was feeling bad for himself. 

Last time, I criticized "Dark Beginnings'" script for being a bit too on-the-nose. Ian Flynn has the sole writing credit on this entire mini-series but I don't know if that means he had relative creative control or was working within ideas and storyboards provided beforehand. The dialogue sees the characters rather flatly explaining what they are feeling and doing. A ten year old Abraham Tower rushes out of a room and makes sure to sneer that Shadow is a freak on the way out. Inside, the Lifeform Ultimatized for Self-Pity describes his existential angst over actually being genetically engineered from alien DNA. In a good example of telling rather than showing, he describes how this information makes him feels and awkwardly includes the word "larva." Maria, in turn, knows exactly what to say to make the broody test tube baby feel better. Her words not only specifically address what Shadow is feeling in that moment but also echo into the future. Maria just happened to say that Shadow will someday meet other people he can trust, exactly as the episode cuts to him racing off to encounter Rouge and Omega. Damn, that little girl was optimistic about getting off that space station! 

This tendency towards dialogue that is obvious, if not a touch overwrought, continues into the next scene as well. Shadow's explanation to Rouge about what he's doing here is a rather flat and basic description of everything that happened before. While I'm enough of a nit-picky, overly critical dork to be bugged by this, it doesn't truly distract from the emotions "Dark Beginnings" is invoking here. Here's why I think Shadow's story resonates with so many people: It shows the power of kindness. Shadow was born to be a weapon. He was programmed to be an avatar of Gerald Robotnik's planet-consuming need for vengeance. When we first met him, he was defined by nothing but his impressive superpowers and humorless, antihero attitude. 

Despite that... Maria was kind to him once. She could have been like Abe Tower and bullied Shadow, fearing him for not being a "normal" child of God. Instead, she reached out to Shadow and was gentle, empathetic, and nice to him. Maria's life was always destined to be short, even if G.U.N. agents are crappier aim. As the subtitles remind us, she's been gone fifty years by the time of the current day. Despite that, those simple acts of sympathy still resonate. A little girl who died half a century ago was nice to Shadow the Hedgehog and that was enough to make him realize and understand that he is capable of more than destruction, able to pursue goals beyond revenge. The foundation of such a method is love. That Maria's actions causes Shadow to completely change his direction in life, to be the hero Maria saw in him and not the weapon everyone else wanted him to be, proves that love ripples further than hate or revenge ever could. The idea that a simple act of kindness can change a life – and, in effect, change the world – is a touching thought that feels like a fundamental truth about the universe. 

As much as the emotion element of this episode resonates with me, I don't think that will be the main thing most people take away from “Finding the Way.” As with the first episode, the main thing that is immediately memorable about this four minute installment is how fuckin' cool it looks. The intense visual presentation is evident right from the get-go. The scenes on the ARK are moodily lit, the twitching Black Arms larva being weirdly expressive. As soon as Shadow races across the screen, the action rarely stops moving. In fact, the battle with the Egg Drones is so fast-paced and stylized that you almost have to watch it twice in order to catch everything that happens. Shadow weaves in and out of the laser blasts and weapons at a rocket's pace, striking back with such intensity that the image seems to shatter. When Rouge and Omega shows up, the action gets even more explosive. Rouge flies up into the air, poses before the moon – some real “Batman '89” vibes there – before striking down at a giant-sized drone with an earth-splitting kick. It's so fuckin' cool and it looks amazing.

It's very satisfying watching Rouge the Bat kick ass. I feel like it doesn't matter how often she shows up, the bat is always an underutilized member of the “Sonic” supporting cast. Rouge has such a grace about her, all of her movements being laced with sensuality. This means she has chemistry with everyone, Shadow included. What could have been a totally plot-driven dialogue exchange, where they discuss what's going on and how to push forward, becomes an amusing flirty discussion. The way her eyes bulge out when Shadow scoops her out of harm's way, how she bats her lashes and rolls her head when talking him into going to Sonic's birthday party: It shows such an immediate and charming personality. To the point where, when she looks over her shoulder at Shadow and asks “Interested in raiding a G.U.N. Base?” I had a Pavlovian reaction of “I'm interested in raiding that ass!” I probably shouldn't have told you that. Anyway, Rouge rocks and she makes this episode better than it already was. 

Karen Strassman has been voicing Rouge since 2010, meaning she's got a good grip on the character by this point. Strassman definitely makes Rouge sound cute and flirty, while maintaining an edge of professionalism, that suits the character well. However, as I mentioned last time, I do find the Japanese voice cast a little smoother sounding. Rumi Ochiai, the Japanese voice of Rouge since the “Sonic X” days, sounds a little less ditzy, a little less Valley Girl, and that goes a long way towards fitting the character's femme fatale attitude. Roger Craig Smith shows up as Omega here and I'm really not crazy about his take. Doesn't sound robot-y enough, ya know? Taiten Kusunoki – check out this dude's head shot – makes the kill-bot sound both more mechanical and also more expressive, a good balance. Kirk Thornton has more quiet moments in this episode, so I think he's a little less gratingly tough. 

It's clear that Flynn is telling a direct story here, one designed to expound on Shadow's past while also pushing him towards the events of the video game re-release this entire venture is meant to promote. At the same time, assuming this script truly does reflect Ian Flynn's vision more than anyone else, “Finding the Way” can't help but reflect the author's quirks. In this four minute episode that is extremely heavy on the action, Ian still finds some time to plug a plot hole. For years, fans have speculated on why Shadow the Hedgehog – not exactly the most social of guys and not somebody who generally considers himself a friend of Sonic the Hedgehog – would show up at his birthday party. While it's funny to assume he was doing some sort of information gathering, the truth is Rouge just blackmailed him into doing it. Dude just can't help himself. He has an obsessive compulsion for finding weird gaps in story logic and cooking up solutions to them. 

The script also makes sure to remind us that Abraham Tower grew up on the ARK, a tidbit I always forget about that. Is there any particular reason he has heterochromia? All those years of staring at glowing glass tubes full of weird alien weapons or off-spring or something. Anyway, this rocks. It looks fucking amazing and it also has a nice amount of heart, expanding on the emotional boundaries of this universe while also giving us all the things we want to see. Aw darn, there's only more left? We could've gotten a little more! [9/10]

Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings - Episode 1: Shadow and Maria

Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings

Episode 1: Shadow and Maria 

Original Release Date: September 25th, 2024

Sega, in all its lofty buzz-word corporate speak pretensions, assured us that 2024 was going to be the Year of Shadow the Hedgehog. Recalling Nintendo's famously unsuccessful declaration that 2013 was the Year of Luigi, Sega boldly announced last April that Shadow was going to take a front seat presence in the "Sonic the Hedgehog" franchise. They set up a website for it and everything. Accordingly, the last 12 months saw many big and small promotional events built around the so-called Ultimate Lifeform. All the mobile games got Shadow-centric events. Shadow-related DLC became available for the current games, including the Apple exclusive one you forgot about. There was a manga, a Lego set, fancy pins. Those living in the southwestern United States could purchase Shadow themed collectible cups at Bahama Buck's, a shaved ice chain that apparently exists. There was a Shadow the Hedgehog-themed Angry Birds tournament. Did you know there were Angry Birds tournaments? In the year 2024?! Most bizarrely, a physical version of the Dark Rider was toured around the U.S., allowing fans a chance to gawk at the actual motorcycle actually operated by the actual Shadow the Hedgehog! What a time to be alive. 

The promotional event known as "Fearless: Year of Shadow" is technically still on-going, as of this writing. After getting to cosplay as Batman back in September, the angsty hedgehog is taking a prime position next to the Dark Knight in the DC Comics crossover. IDW is publishing a Shadow one-shot this July, which I guess will mark the official end of this fifteen month long year. Despite that, all the hype was clearly meant to build towards two climaxes in late 2024: The release of "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" in theaters in December and a new "Shadow" video game in October. Honestly, the release of the remaster of "Sonic Generations" was completely overshadowed – heh – by its bundled spin-off, "Shadow Generations." The new half-game was well received by fans and I'm guessing it sold pretty well too. "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" also made a lot of money. All of this means that "Year of Shadow" was an actual good idea Sega had, paying off for the company. Suck it, Luigi! Hedgehogs rule, Italian plumbers drool! 

"Shadow Generations'" story drew heavily from the previous video game starring this guy, "Shadow the Hedgehog." That the foregrounding of the angsty hedgehog's extraterrestrial origins were rapturously received by fans shows we've come a long way since 2005. Two decades ago – give me a second to reflect on how much of my life I've wasted – Shadow's solo game was widely loathed. The gameplay received mixed reviews and the new features were said to lack depth, sure. However, most of the negative reaction centered on the game's tone and story. The decision to add guns and mild swearing to a "Sonic" game was seen as a desperate, comically half-assed attempt to turn a strictly kid-friendly series into something edgier. The game's plot was largely criticized, especially the decision to add aliens to Shadow's origin. I don't know why but people always get mad when aliens are involved in the origins of "Sonic" things. This reception led Sega to not touch the Black Arms stuff for years, the comics forced to keep them off-panel. 

That was a long time ago. The kids who played "Shadow the Hedgehog" are now old enough to look back on it fondly. The snarktastic world of mid-2000s gaming journalism, that treated everything "Sonic" as a shameful relic of the nineties, is now a distant land itself. At a certain point, people came around to actually liking Shadow's edgiest phase. The prominent role for Black Doom and frequent references to Shadow's past in "Shadow Generations" cemented that part of the franchise lore as another weird, convoluted thing that makes the "Sonic" universe the delightfully eccentric entity it is. Shadow is no longer ashamed of being a genetically engineered super-weapon created with extraterrestrial DNA. He lets his freak flag fly now, baby. 

I bring all of this up because, as we've established by now, animated shorts promoting the new "Sonic" games getting posted to YouTube are common practice. To show how fuckin' serious they were about this Year of Shadow, we actually got a three part presentation. "Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings" was an animated prequel to the game, delving more into Shadow's past, posted in the weeks leading up to the game's release. Episode one, entitled "Shadow and Maria," shows the young Ultimate Lifeform and his favorite Robotnik family member bonding aboard the Ark. Their innocent playtime, and the pep talk she gives the always angsty Shadow, is interrupted when G.U.N. attacks the satellite. There's a robot fight before Shadow seems to fall further and further into his memories, revealing this flashback as a dream he's having. Disturbed upon waking, he becomes convinced this was a vision rather than a dream. He sets out to uncover what it could mean. 

Of the twelve people who are reading this blog, I'm about to alienate six of you with the following statement: I think Shadow's backstory, with Maria's death and the ARK and all that, is kind of overrated. Maria Robotnik is the definition of a sacrificial lamb. She exists to die, to give Shadow a properly edgy reason to be pissed at the world. Meanwhile, Maria barely exists as a character in her own right. In this episode, she and Shadow are seen playing, racing to an observation deck to see the Aurora Borealis over the Earth. To emphasize how fragile and vulnerable she is, the girl is gasping for breath. In return, Shadow gets righteously angry with himself for his inability to heal all her woes. Naturally, her response is nothing less than perfectly loving and accepting. If, by some unlikely series of circumstances, you started watching "Dark Beginnings" without knowing the fate about to befall Maria, you'd still probably guess that she was doomed to die. She is the definition of a beautiful cinnamon roll, too good, too pure for this world. It all feels a little contrived, a bit melodramatic, if you ask me. 

All of which is an issue I have with "Sonic Adventure 2's" script, not with what "Dark Beginnings" is doing. Ultimately, this episode functions as an expanded version of Shadow's dark awakening. It exists to give us more context to these events. Ian Flynn's script is a little heavy on the "as you know" dialogue, Maria explaining her illness and Shadow discussing his status as the so-called Ultimate Lifeform. However, I think the writer mostly works as an epic exaggeration of Shadow's mythic origins. There's explosions and catastrophe and a duel with a robot. Perhaps in this context, Maris being a simplistic plot device of a character makes sense. This is the "Sonic" brand embracing its own grandness, applying an almost Biblical sense of mythological importance to these events. This is not merely Shadow's origin story but his creation myth. It's supposed to be bigger than life, I suppose. That is further supported by a sweeping, very dramatic musical score.

That last point is further emphasized by the main thing most people remember about the "Shadow Generations" short: These cartoons look really fucking pretty. All of "Dark Beginnings" was directed by Christopher Luc and Kevin Molina-Ortiz. Luc and Molina-Ortiz are best known for their work as storyboard artists on "Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" and "Blue-Eyed Samurai," shows I have not seen because I'm perpetually seven years behind what's current. Nevertheless, I am familiar with these programs' reputation for being gorgeously animated. Especially in terms of highly kinetic action scenes. That's where "Shadow and Maria" truly excels. The fight between Shadow and Emerl – I always forget he's part of Shadow's origin story – weaves stylishly in between their fists and feet as they kick and punch at each other. Each blows send out shock waves of energy, shattering near-by glass tubes, to show us how overpowered these guys are. There's a punishing preciseness to their movements, each blow landing with the kind of determination that you usually only see in Hong Kong martial arts movies. I have no doubt that the fight was actually choreographed, because it's all so exact on its movement. The animation is unfailingly smooth with a constant sense of movement, evocative lighting, a depth of color, and an artistic eye that constantly dazzles. It looks exceptionally cool, the quality of animation here being on-par with an especially high quality action anime. 

"Dark Beginnings'" commitment to looking as bitchin' as possible at all times becomes more apparent as the episode reveals that this is a dream. As Shadow crashes through the glass of the ARK's observation deck, the shattering window takes him further into his own memories. He becomes a fractured witness to Gerald's isolation and execution, before Maria's death appears to him as a storm cloud cracked by a stray lightning bolt. Black Doom's glowering face appears in the sky behind it, suggesting the alien overlord's status as the author of all of Shadow's pain. I love shit like this, when a show gives itself a license to be a little surreal, a little dream-like, to explore the character's psychological hang-ups as physical obstacles. That, to me, shows a willingness to take the character's trauma seriously and to engage with these lofty ideas on a bigger level. Of course Maria and Gerald's death loom over Shadow's whole life like an ominous storm cloud. Of course he feels trapped in a nightmare prison that he has nothing to do with, forced to relive the same tragedy until he breaks the cycle of manipulation and control. Hell yeah, that's the good shit. 

And, I must emphasize again, it all looks really cool. There are several truly striking, moody visuals here. Like the red tubes of Gerald's experiments lighting up in the dark as Shadow sails by them or a lingering shot of her shattered moon in the night sky, a ring of debris around it. Any criticism I might have is minor in comparison to the sheer artistry on display. (For example: I've never been crazy about Kirk Thornton's Vegeta-ian take on Shadow. It's a little too self-aware in its raspy toughness. Kōji Yusa, who always plays Shadow like he's the morally conflicted undercover cop in a Yakuza movie, has a better grip on the character for me. I think Yuri Shiratori is also a little less aggravatingly precious as Maria than Stephanie Sheh, hence why I tend to stick to the Japanese audio for these things as much as I can.) I can't praise the "Sonic CD" opening strictly for the strength of its vibe and aura moments and not extend this slice of raditude the same praise. And there's two more? Neat! [9/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 78

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 78

Publication Date: May 7th, 2025

I've made this observation often but it never fails to amuse: The "Sonic the Hedgehog" comic book can function perfectly fine without Sonic the Hedgehog in it. For years, I had to hear clueless jack-asses complain about how Sonic had "too many friends." That the games needed to go back to featuring him and only him. Or that the Archie Comics had too large a cast. There might be some valid criticism hidden within these statements but the truth is apparent to "Sonic" lifers like you and me. The hedgehog has a great supporting cast, one more than strong enough to support stories without him, stories that are sometimes all the better because of it. That case is proven again with issue 78 of IDW's "Sonic the Hedgehog." It wasn't until after I was done reading it that I realized the Blue Dude with 'Tude never appeared within its pages. The guy's name is on the cover but he didn't bother to show up this month and I didn't even notice. That definitely says some things about me and this comic. 

So what of this "Sonic the Hedgehog" story that pointedly does not feature its title character? "Shattered Pieces, Part 3" focuses on Tails, Amy, and Blaze as they travel the country and check in on various communities in the aftermath of Restoration HQ's destruction. They find places like Barricade Town and Glass Hill functioning fine on their own, the local Restoration chapters strong enough to support themselves. They don't get a whiff of trouble until arriving in Turtleshell Island, a floating city kept above water by several support buoys. The trio encounter Surge and Kit there, all on friendly terms... Unaware that Kit has planted a bomb on one of the buoys, to create another crisis Surge can play hero in. Soon, the whole gang is running around the island to try and keep it from sinking and rescue anyone who hasn't gotten to safety yet. 

All throughout IDW "Sonic's" run, I've bitched and moaned about the lack of world-building, which I continue to blame on Sega's vague vision for what Sonic's home world is like. 78 issues in and we still don't have a firm idea of how these scattered villages function or how any of these cartoon animals got here. However, "Scattered Pieces" represents Flynn finally fleshing out the setting a little more. Despite all the random sci-fi super-tech utilized here and there, "Sonic's world" seems to mostly be a series of small towns and cities, isolated apart from each other by rural expanses of nature. It increasingly seems as if there was no type of government body or prevailing social structure before the Restoration came into existence. As we discover in this issue, that seems to be because these towns don't need it. All these places seem to be doing fine on their own, operating independently of each other. My needlessly nitpicky brain still has a lot of questions here – where do they get their food? Their building supplies? – but the growing implication seems to be that Sonic's society is practically a utopia. Before Eggman showed up, it seems these little clusters of communities existed largely without conflict or problems, everyone happily functioning. 

I don't find this to be a particularly satisfying answer. Compared to the conflict filled history of Mobius, full of wars and conquests and competing superpowers, this presentation seems... Ya know, boring. All the furry animal people that live on these islands mostly existed in an Eden-like bliss and tranquility with nature – even though they also have cities and infrastructure and cars and shit??? – before the corrupting influence of Eggman entered into their paradise. And if he went away forever tomorrow, they'd go right back to that? I guess that tracks with the depictions in the video games but it doesn't make for an especially compelling setting. There's some cool touches here, such as the aforementioned floating city or an ice-spewing firetruck powered by Wisps, that represents Flynn adding some color and quirkiness to this world. That shows a distinctiveness but does little to make this location feel fully realized. I guess I hoped, by this point in the "new" comic's run, I would have more of an idea of what the hell Sonic and his friends are fighting to protect. 

The book seems to be moving towards something that I have a very bad feeling about. During IDW "Sonic's" entire existence, our good guys have been aligned with the Resistance and then the Restoration. They functioned as something like a replacement for the Freedom Fighters and Mobotropolis, a uniting and centralized force that gave Sonic and friends some sort of motivating goal. They had an objective, of rebuilding society after Eggman's conquest of the globe in "Sonic Forces." Sonic, kind of a capacious hero who simply runs around when left to his own devices, was given direction and a regular supporting cast. All things you need if you want your comic book to feel like an actual narrative and not stuff just happening for no reason. Since the destruction of Restoration HQ, this feeling has crept into the book. This storyline kicked off with everyone going their separate ways, lots of the character seeming dissatisfied with what their lives have become. In this issue, we see that society seems pretty well restored. These towns don't need the Restoration anymore and Ian Flynn seems well on his way of writing the whole concept out of the series. 

Where does that leave "Sonic the Hedgehog: The Comic Book?" Sonic running around wherever he wants, running into disorganized groups of friends that he otherwise doesn't stay in touch with, until everyone has to unite to stop Eggman's next plan for world domination? I think that's exactly what Sega wants this comic book, and the entire "Sonic" franchise to be, a vague collection of mascots in a vaguer world that don't do anything in-between the new mainline video games. Archie "Sonic" was weird. It stood on its own, perhaps as the most fleshed-out version of Sonic and his friends. Should I still be comparing this comic book, 78 issues in, to the one it was designed to replaced? My fear that this comic would exist only as a promotional device for Sega's corporate goals, thoroughly strip-mined of any deeper personality, has never gone away. Are we really headed towards that? What about G.U.N.? Angel Island? Is this series truly going to be a collection of random elements that get thrown together randomly? 

I think I managed to depress myself a little. My growing concern over the Shape of Things to Come has sort of overwhelmed my thoughts on this individual issue. Which, by the way, I did like. The first half feels somewhat uneventful. Amy, Tails, and Blaze are going from town to town, trying to resolve a crisis they then discover doesn't actually exist. Makes you feel a little like your time is being wasted, ya know? However, there is a hang-out vibe to these scenes that has some value. Once everyone arrives on Turtleshell Island, and the entire city is threatened with submergence into the sea, a fire is lit under the ass of this issue. At that point, "Shattered Pieces: Part 3" becomes a compelling and exciting adventure story. We've got our gang, they've got a problem to solve, and the clock is ticking. Let's watch them put their heads together to save the day. The solution that arises – of Kit making a huge air bubble and floating Blaze under the island, where she generated heat vents to hold the island up – is novel. Good shit. I enjoyed that part. Imposing a time limit on our heroes is always a good way to build suspense and the image of an entire town sinking into the sea is dramatic enough to catch the imagination. 

Despite my misgivings about where this is all headed, I do enjoy spending time with these characters. That is despite the book's increasing insistence on reducing everyone to a static series of characteristics. For example: Must we mention Blaze's acrophobia every single time she shows up? Is she claustrophobic now too, as depicted by her nervousness inside the bubble Kit creates? Tails makes sure to point out Blaze is too hard on herself, that she's a good friend and shouldn't spend so much time trying to make up for her self-perceived mistakes. I like that Blaze is anxious about stuff and struggles with confidence and believing in herself. I dislike that being reduced to basically a gimmick that defines her solely, one of set if stats that are never allowed to change. Sure would be nice to know where that anxiety comes from! Or to see her grow and overcome these changes with time! What happened to Blaze to make her like this? Is she always going to be this way? That's depressing to consider! 

In fact, all of the characters come off as a little one-note in this issue. As Blaze is defined solely by her lack of self-worth and phobias, Kit and Surge are stuck in a specific mode. Kit can't live without Surge and must see her succeed, which he is engineering through clandestine crisis. Surge wants to be a hero now... But she also wants to be better than Sonic and the others, despite her inexperience and natural inclination towards mayhem. The latter element results in her making the situation worse, severing another one of the cables holding the island aloft. I like Surge being well-intentioned but inexperienced, struggling between her desire to be better and her impulsive, destructive nature. And if Kit is a little neurotic and obsessive about Surge, that makes sense. Starline literally programmed him to be that way. The internal battle between these two misfits trying to turn over another leaf and everything about their lives up to now telling them they are villains: That's good! Let's see more of that. 

Unfortunately, there's this frustratingly futile air around this entire issue. Blaze helps save the day but her fears remain. Kit wants to make Surge a hero but these interlopers resolve the disaster he created. If this is building towards a schism between Surge and Kit, the former actually wanting to change and the latter sticking to his programming, that would be interesting... But just as Blaze's fear of heights can never go away, I'm increasingly feeling like none of this matters. These individual events are not building towards something and the comic is merely killing time until the next event kicks in. "Scattered Pieces" is such a cool idea for a story arc but now I'm worried that it's less about growing all of the characters on their own and more about simply keeping the status quo intact until the next anniversary issue. Are we going to see any of these dangling plot points wrapped up any time soon? 

All of this shows the differences between the concerns I have about "Sonic" as a series and what must people seem to take away from this book. When the preview pages were posted on Twitter the other day, everyone got excited about the cute brown bunny girl with glasses working at the public information office in the first village Amy visits. This issue is full of colorful background extras like that. In Barricade Town, we get glimpses of a fox guy with a pierced ear strumming a guitar and a purple cat chick with an umbrella and distinctively cut bangs. On Turtleshell Island, a portly bear dude with a Tom Selleck mustache and red-rimmed sunglasses gets a few choice appearances. Aaron Hammerstrom, whose pencils are excellent like always, clearly enjoys designing these OCs. Since Lanolin rose from peripheral background extras to featured cast member, the book clearly enjoys introducing neatly designed nobodies who could, if picked up by readers and writers, become the next new OC. 

In fact, issue 78 is trying just that. While Glass Hill, a familiar-ish face is found among the volunteer firefighters. It's the monkey guy from issue 22, the shifty motherfucker who hides his infection once he's inside a shelter that is seemingly required in every zombie story. I think Flynn might be trying to redeem this primate a bit. Now that I get a second look at him, I'm even wondering if he's inspired by the random ass monkey that was hanging out with the Freedom Fighters in the "Sonic Spinball" special stage. While a natural growth of the supporting cast like this has its benefits, I'm not begging to find out more about Shifty Monkey here. We did not meet him under good circumstances and that is influencing my opinion of him. I assure you that's the root of my dislike of him and not because monkeys have the ability to scare the shit out of me What about the raccoon girl with the perm and red eyeshadow standing behind him in one panel? She seems cool. Let's turn her into the next Lanolin instead. 

Anyway, this arc continues to feel despondently directionless. Considering Clutch's embrace of loser-dom in the previous issue, I'm kind of worrying about Ian Flynn's health. Somebody check on him, make sure he's alright. I'm not happy at all where it seems the story is pointing either. Having said all that, the action sequence in the second half rocks pretty hard and that makes up for the sluggish first half. Next issue promises to focus on Whisper and Mimic, so hopefully some meaningful resolution will actually occur there. Or maybe I'm hopelessly holding a torch for this series to become something it clearly never will and all the time I spend writing these reviews are a massive waste for both me and anyone reading this. Oh well! See ya next month, disappointing comic book that I'll still read! [6/10]

Happy Batman Day

Happy Batman Day

Original Release Date: September 21st, 2024

Up until very recently, the shared history of Sega's "Sonic the Hedgehog" franchise and DC Comics' Batman has been extremely limited. Batman is a strong contender for the title of Most Iconic Superhero of All Time. He has been a constant presence in pop culture since the forties. He's been appearing continuously in comic books in all that time. Batman has shown up in movies, television, animation, video games, action figure aisles, music videos, live theater, amusement park rides, serials, cereals, collectable glassware, unofficial Filipino parodies, and literally every other type of media imaginable. In comparison to the Dark Knight's eighty-six year membership in the Characters Everyone Knows Club, Sonic the Hedgehog can only seem like a Johnny-Come-Lately. He's only been around for thirty-some years. While the blue hedgehog has certainly made his mark in the world of comics, animation, and merchandise, he's probably still best known as a video game character. As someone who has been here for basically the whole ride, I honestly feel like Sonic hadn't reached maximum pop culture saturation until the recent success of the theatrically released films. You can't truly put them on the same level of popularity, though I guess Sonic has indeed earned his placement in the same Characters Everyone Knows Club. 

Nevertheless, there have been some attempts to compare Sonic and Batman. Namely, through the age old tradition of writers referencing something a lot more famous and successful than whatever the current thing they are working on is. The Archie Comics "Sonic" series featured parodies of Batman at least three times: In issue eight, Robotnik drew inspiration from Sonic's own comic book collection for a series of superhero-inspired robots, which included a "'Botman." In issue 19, as part of a whole batch of multiverse shenanigans, a version of Sonic seemingly mashed up with Batman appears briefly among many other weird hedgehog variants. In issue 38, Sonic cooks up his own comic book to entertain a sick Tails, combining himself and his sidekick with Batman and Robin for a one page gag cover. You'll notice all of these so-called "parodies" fall within the super lazy school of comedy that merely combines one thing with another thing and calls that a joke. They also all imply that "Batman" comics exist within the Archie "Sonic" universe, a detail that definitely should not be thought about too hard.

Hell, Batman himself appeared in an Archie "Sonic" comic, as an easily missed shadowy cameo via more multiversal chaos in the infamous Image Comics crossover. Three of these examples were written by Ken Penders, exactly the kind of overly referential fan boy shit he was known for before going mad with power. There are definitely more, prior examples of Sonic the Hedgehog and Batman cross-pollinating in some form. Whether the cartoons ever did a blatant Batman spoof or any sort of homage, I can't recall. It definitely feels like the kind of thing "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would have done, especially since Batmania was still kind of ongoing when that show was in production. The point is this: "Sonic" writers were definitely aware of Batman. Whether "Batman" writers have ever referenced "Sonic" in any way, I can't say. My knowledge of that franchise is not as encyclopedic as this one. I do know that a tribute character to Sonic does exist in the DC Universe, so it certainly seems possible. All of these examples reside in the legal grey area of spoofs and thinly veiled references, none of the previous crossovers being official in any way and existing merely as cute in-jokes. 

All of that changes now. I have already reviewed the first issue of the official "DC X Sonic" crossover event mini-series. That such a thing exists at all remains astonishing to me. How this confluence of pop culture universes came about is probably more the result of our current corporate culture's hunger for recognizable "intellectual properties" than anything else. As a veteran fan of both these things, I guess I still think of "Sonic" as more mocked for its weird fans and games of debatable quality than as something worthy of any respect. Certainly not from the leaders of the comic book industry, who rarely acknowledged the character's record-breaking success in the medium. Superhero comics, meanwhile, are always high on their own supply, often touting their self-proclaimed status as modern day mythology. DC Comics, perhaps, does this even more than their distinguished competition. Now, however, we have a comic book approved by all legal right holders in which Sonic and Batman are standing side-by-side and being treated as figures worthy of the same level of respect. Regardless of how I feel about the current state of crossover I.P. slop – much less whatever the quality of the finished comic book mini-series ends up bring – I still can't help but think this entire endeavor simply existing is pretty cool. 

Better yet, this is not a quickly rushed out bit of cross-promotional synergy or something DC is acting ashamed of. "DC X Sonic" is getting a reasonably big commitment from the company. Five whole issues may not seem like a lot but DC and IDW have already promised actual merchandise inspired by this comic will debut before the end of the year. There's supposed to be apparel, toys, and other collectibles. We've seen spiffy designs combining Sonic and friends with members of the Justice League. You can already buy a T-shirt with Shadow as Batman on it. All of that is a whole lot more promotion than most comic book series get. It suggests that DC and Sega realized they can both make a lot of money by catering to "Sonic" and superhero fans at the same time and are pursuing this idea as far as they can. 

In order to show us all how serious this whole collaboration is, Sega released a twenty second teaser to their YouTube channel on September 21st of last year. (Close to the day that has officially been declared Batman Day, a time to buy more Batman branded junk than you already have.) That teaser is what I'm technically here today to discuss, as part of my on-going quest to review every bit of miscellaneous "Sonic" animation I can find. Not that a little commercial that runs shorter than a minute provides much to talk about. The brief narrative shows some shifty, untrustworthy looking guy with a sack of presumably stolen money lurking around the streets of Gotham, under the glow of the Bat Signal. He ducks into an alleyway to hide only to be startled by a sound from behind him. Emerging out of the shadows is a familiar pair of glowing eyes and an accompanying silhouette... Except it's not who you think it is. It's Shadow the Hedgehog cosplaying as Batman and seemingly taking up the Dark Knight's duties for a night, I guess. 

"Happy Batman Day" is one of those things that is both so brief as to barely award commentary but also too cool to ignore. Yes, it's only twenty seconds long and doesn't have a plot, so much as the threadbare setup for a premise. At the same time, that Sega, Warner Brothers, and all involved parties went to the extra effort to make sure this looked as good as it does is impressive. When you read that Tyson Hesse was behind the teaser, all that starts to make sense. Why the random thug looks so perfectly thuggish. Why the shot of the stray bills blowing from his bag of ill-gotten loot is so neat. While the reveal of Shadow as Batman is so nicely done and the backgrounds are so lovingly rendered. They could've just thrown together a quick teaser with some stock art and a little bit of editing. Instead, Hesse and his team once again went unnecessarily hard in creating a cool little extra, rather than just another piece of cynical advertising. 

It is, in other words, neat. That everyone involved managed to keep a lid on this before it came out, rendering it a complete surprise, is even better. When the short first came out, it took people a minute to realize this was a commercial for a full-blown partnership and not merely a bit of fun. That Shadow is now the "Sonic" cast member assigned the role of Batman shows we've come a long way from those earlier parodies. The average person in the street today now knows enough about superheroes and Sonic to realize that the Blue Blur as the Flash and Shadow as the Caped Crusader makes a lot more sense thematically than simply sticking Sonic in the cowl. In other words, "Happy Batman Day" ain't much but it's also a whole lot cooler than it has to be, suggesting those involved actually want to make this whole crossover a proper event. As someone who grew up playing with those Happy Meal toys of the Looney Tunes dressed up as the Justice League, I want to say that I truly appreciate the extra effort. [7/10]

TailsTube #8: Finding Fortune with Amy

TailsTube #8: Finding Fortune with Amy

Original Release Date: August 15th, 2024

Since the days of antiquity, and likely before the advent of written history, mankind has attempted to find some deeper meaning in the random happenstance of the universe, in hopes of determining the future or communicating with a greater power. The ancient Babylonians cut the livers out of animals and considered its condition an omen from the gods. Greek oracles conveyed meaning from visions they believed came from the divine. The Norse cast runes, the Mayans scried on smoky mirrors, Native American tribes read meaning in animal bones, and the Chinese consulted their tea leaves. Interpretations of the random positions of the stars and planets and the unconscious brain-farts known as dreams led mankind to stumble backwards into actual sciences over the millennia. This esoteric art form is collectively known as divination and has been practiced by kings, mystics, quacks and con artists since time began. 

In the modern age, divination mostly survives through the commercial practice of fortune telling. In exchange for your hard-earned coin, a very serious and totally legitimate wizard will share with you prophecies of your future. This represents the inevitable meeting place between mankind's quest for meaning in a chaotic universe and the need to make a buck or two so as to keep the lights on. Via your date of birth, the lines on your hand, visions in a crystal ball, or the writings of the I-Ching, the so-called experts will supposedly divine your fate. When done to fleece grieving old ladies out of their life savings, this is evil. When done for fun and as the continuance of a semi-philosophical art form that stretches back centuries, it's an interesting anthropological phenomena that should be taken no more seriously than a Magic 8-Ball. An octopus doesn't know who will win the World Cup – an octopus understands soccer as well as I do, maybe slightly better – but it sure is interesting that human beings think it can, ya know? 

I swear this is related to the topic of Sonic the Hedgehog. Let me ramble a bit more. Sometime in the 1400s, a drunk Italian scribbled allegorical drawings on the back of some playing cards. They were used for nothing but gambling for three hundred years until 1781. That's when a drunk Frenchman saw some girls playing cards. He decided the illustrations on the back had major symbolic importance rooted in ancient Egyptian theology that he just made up. He called it "Tarot," a nonsense word he claimed was ancient Egyptian for "The Royal Road to Life." Further Europeans of debatable sobriety ran with the idea after that, formulating Tarot into an occultic method of cartomancy that roped every form of mystical gobbledygook that was circulating at the time into its meanings and techniques. Kabbalah, Theosophy, Aleister Crowley, Romani magik, the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn: You name it, somebody has linked it to Tarot. 

The Neo-Pagan revival of the late sixties repopularized the game in the west. Later writers increasingly connected the cards to Jungian and Campbellian archetypes, turning Tarot not just into a form of fortune telling but also a supposed tool for personal introspection and growth. Actual historians and skeptical inquirers have referred to the occultic embracing of Tarot as "the most successful propaganda campaign ever launched" and "an oscillation between the two poles of vulgar fortune telling and high magic; though the fence between them may have collapsed in places." The damage had been done, however, and today Tarot based cartomancy has spread all over the world as a quasi-magical belief and frequently fraudulent business. That's why late night TV in the 2000s was suddenly inundated with commercials starring an actress with a questionable Jamaican accent. 

If you are reading this blog, you're probably only familiar with Tarot as the reason the "House of the Dead" bosses are called that or as the title of a hilariously porny superhero comic. However, this rambling dissertation of mine all links back to Amy Rose, Sonic's wannabe girlfriend and the de-facto female lead of this entire franchise. Did you know that Amy Rose is a big fan of the magic powers of the Cards, a sign from her deck being what drove her to seek out Sonic in the first place? There was no way for us stupid Americans to know this back in 1993, as it was a tidbit left exclusive to the Japanese manual. (It would be funny if that was a purposeful choice to avoid the ire of the nineties Satanic Panic but it's more likely that localizers simply didn't gave a shit.) This was a usually overlooked aspect of her personality for many years, at least in Western media. 

As part of Ian Flynn's organized effort to align the "classic" continuity with the more recent games, Amy Rose casually practicing witchcraft has come up more often lately. Sonic Team has got so far with this idea lately that they released a physical edition of Amy's actual "fortune cards" that you could buy and presumably predict the future with, I guess. In order to promote the release of "Amy Rose's Fortune Card Deck" in August of 2024, an episode of "TailsTube" was assembled focused on Amy's interest in cartomancy.

Tails must have realized that “Between Two Hedgehogs” was a segment with a pretty short shelf life, because episode eight of TailsTube has the fox introducing another segment entirely. Abandoning the scientific method, Tails decides to platform superstition and pseudoscience by turning the show over entirely to Amy and her “fortune cards.” While Amy specifies that the cards do not give “spoilers” for the future, her prediction prove utterly accurate. She claims a negative interruption is forthcoming seconds before Eggman blasts through the roof and tries to take over the live stream. Despite Eggman dismissing such beliefs as a mishmash of idiocy, confirmation bias wins him over quickly after accurately foreseeing that the scientist has recently made a new family member, in the form of computer daughter Sage. Eggman is so convinced of the cards magic powers that he immediately decides he has better things to do than ruin Tails' livestream. Yay for witchcraft.

I've referred to “TailsTube” as basically a commercial before, a new episode churned out whenever has a new game or whatever to promote. Maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration sometimes but the label seems to fit episode eight extremely well. This is a four minute presentation created entirely with the purpose of making the viewer aware of the new product available at wherever books are sold. The script draws attention repeatedly to the exact name of this product. Rather than use a generic term like Tarot cards, Amy very specifically calls her deck by the copyrightable term “Fortune Cards.” Throughout the episode, she reveals that she's also written a handy-dandy guide book that can teach you, the viewer, how to divine the future through the random falling of these pieces of paper. Jeez, I bet that reads a lot like the guide book packaged with the actual deck of cards you buy! Though clearly pretty tongue-in-cheek, the script also not so subtly implies that cartomancy totally works too. Buy Amy's Fortune Card and you too can predict the future, dear children!

I'm not offended it or anything. A four minute little clip like this doesn't really required a response as strong as offense. However, if TailsTube is a series ostensibly designed to give new and old fans lore dumps, we don't learn much from this one. I guess Amy revealing that she's been a practicing mystic for years, that her interest in magic cards pushed her to meet Sonic, is the kind of stupid trivia that only the most devoted hedgehog heads would have been aware of before watching this. Yet it increasingly feels like “TailsTube,” as a series, exists merely to make fans tremble by mentioning a thing they know. Eggman says Sage's name and obliquely refers to her as his daughter here, which I guess is suppose to produce a reaction of some sort in us. It certainly didn't make me feel anything more than the extremely annoying, predictable final sequence, a very broad punchline.

But enough of me bitchin' and being an old man who hates everything. Well, the opening where Tails is doing a spooky, scary voice while holding a flashlight under his face in the dark is cute. Cindy Robinson and Colleen O'Shaughnessey have a nice chemistry as Amy and Tails. Ya know, these two have been voicing these characters for so long that it's easy for them to simply inhabit these roles. Also, from the little bit I know about Tarot, this seems to be a semi-respectable crash course on it. The cards being upside down and shit is acknowledged. Otherwise, I got nothing else to say about this one. Anyone else got the sudden need to consult the spirits for life advice? [5/10]