Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 1

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 1
Publication Date: May 1993


Obviously, Archie’s Sonic mini-series was successful. About two months later, the on-going series began. At this point, the tone is nearly identical. At the start of issue 1, the series still resembles the goofy “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” weekly show instead of the objectively superior in every way SatAM series it’s based on. Aside from the silly stories and jokes, there’s other awkwardness. Sally is still a brunette, Rotor is still Boomer, Bunnie is nowhere to be seen, and the Freedom Fighters still hang out underground. But, hey, that cover art is pretty bitchin’.

Anyway, issue begins with Robotnik hanging Sonic with a noose before smashing his body to pieces with a bat. Oh wait, it’s just a dummy. Anyway, his latest scheme is the Krudzu, a mechanical vine with more then a passing resemblance to Audrey II from “Little Shop of Horrors.” Seeding the Great Forest with the plant results in Antoine unknowingly bringing it into Knothole H.Q. Luckily, Tails, a bucket of water, and Mother Nature intervene. Later, Sonic runs into the Casino Nights Zone and is captured by Robotnik, forced to be the ball in a giant pinball machine. Also, there’s some dumb jokes.

The tone of the comic still remains sitcom light. Antoine ventures out of Knothole because he dislikes that Sally is paying more attention to Sonic then him. (What Sonic and Sally are doing at the time is discussing framing a map.) He plans to win her over by grabbing her some flowers, which is how the Krudzu ends up inside the base. The Krudzu is a potentially interesting threat. The sass-talking mechanical plant is shown taking over the entire forest in a day. Despite being a seemingly serious threat, the Krudzu has a disappointing weakness: Water. Tails shorts it out with a bucket. Conveniently, a thunderstorm blows in later that day, destroying Robotnik’s entire plan. You’d think Mobius’ tyrant wouldn’t approve an operative that could be defeated by light drizzle. Or he would at least not launch it on a day calling for rain. Basically, the issue introduces a potentially interesting and threat and resolves it in the lamest way possible. (Nearly two decades later, future writer Ian Flynn would bring the Krudzu back and implement its potential better.)

The second story of the issue is better if only because it has more action. Though “Sonic the Hedgehog 2” was released in November of the previous year, the story seems partially designed to promote the game. It’s set in the Casino Night Zone, one of the most memorable stages from the game. Sonic even out-right instructs the reader to play the game! The plot of Robotnik publicly announcing a speech in the zone, and Sonic easily sneaking in, is awfully goofy. There’s plenty of lame jokes about gambling and the house always winning. When Sonic gets captured, Robotnik shoves him in a pinball and tosses him around a machine. The way Sonic escapes is fairly absurd but shows him using his brains a little. Even before “Sonic Spinball” came around, writers loved putting Sonic in a pinball machine. The story never exactly generates tension but at least there’s some action and fun.

The rest of the Freedom Fighters don’t get much development. Antoine is shown to be a coward. Rotor is a tinkerer with a prankish streak. I think Orbonaut, a minor badnik even by badnik standards, gets more page-time in this issue then Tails does. Beyond that, the hate-on Sonic and Robotnik have for each other is the point of this issue. Sonic fucking blows him up at the end, which leads to the villain sailing through the air while babbling to himself. There’s still a smidgen of world-building here, with the introduction of a new zone and some new enemies.

Dave Manak’s artwork is better here then in the last issue of the mini-series. It’s still very cartoony and loose. Luckily, none of the characters go horribly off-model. Presumably to fill pages, Michael Gallagher’s scripts throws in a bunch of gag strips. You want some horribly impractical Sonic bumper stickers? Three – count ‘em, three! – one-pagers concern the Freedom Fighters awarding Sonic some statues, Sonic answering a question about his legs spinning, and the hedgehog giving us a recipe for chilly dogs. Yes, that was entirely essential, Archie.

Anyway, issue one is a fairly inconsequential way for the proper series to start. It doesn’t seem much different then the goofy mini-series. It would still be some time before the comic found its footing. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (Original Mini-Series): Issue 3

Sonic the Hedgehog (Original Mini-Series): Issue 3
Publication Date: February 1993


As the original “Sonic the Hedgehog” started to wind down, the series was already getting better. The third issue of the series, which was numbered 2, had a single story line which slowly started to build up the Archie’s series long history of convoluted mythology. As the final issue of the mini-series rolled out, an on-going continuation was already in development. The last part of the mini-series, which was bafflingly numbered three, sees the quality of the series back-slide. It’s a goofy story with little affect on the on-going plot line of the series.

Issue 3 features two stories. The first of which begins with Sonic being chased over a cliff by Robotnik in an Egg-Mobile. He has an annoying dream about being a boy and growing up with Robotnik as a child, revealing their rivalry beginning in boyhood. The second story of the issue shows Boomer devising a disguise so that Sonic can personally infiltrate Robotnik’s base. While there, he plans to rescue his Uncle Chuck and his dog Muttski.

The first half of issue three, entitled “Sonic Flashback!,” is, thus far, the worst “Sonic the Hedgehog” story I have read for this retrospective. It begins with a generic action beat, with Sonic stomping on Crabmeats amid a barren green field. When he falls from the cliff and becomes unconscious, Robotnik doesn’t murder our hero in his sleep. What follows is a bizarre combination of flashback and dream sequence. We see Uncle Chuck forging Power Rings which is an acceptable if incongruous image. Afterwards, we see Sonic and Robotnik as kids, squabbling and arguing. The villain makes robots out of Chuck’s tracker, which results in a crash, causing him to receive a fierce tongue-lashing. As revenge, he cooks up a killer robot out of random crap lying around.

It’s bad. Thankfully, the comic doesn’t even pretend that such a ridiculous origin story is cannon. It is immediately dismissed as a dream sequence and an “imaginary story,” by the end. Imaging the hero and villain growing up together as kids is a lame, hackneyed idea. Basically, this story makes your average episode of “Muppet Babies” seem like a masterpiece in comparison. Sonic directly addresses the audience, asking us if we want to see more imaginary story. Considering how bad this one was, and that we never got any more, the general audience’s response was as negative as mine.

The second story is slightly better but still hugely inconsequential. Rotor’s robot disguise is literally just a pair of robotic jaws and swirly red contact lens. Sonic’s flawless infiltration of Robotnik’s lair involves him telling the evil tyrant that he’s totally a robot now, guys, I swear. His subterfuge climaxes with him blowing up a robot factory, which I suppose it’s fairly substantial. I know this is a goofy comedy comic at this point. Yet it really discredits Robotnik as a threat that he would buy this trick at all.

What bit of art this stupid story has comes when Sonic finds his uncle and dog. This meeting occupies a page plus one panel. Afterwards, Sonic gets super-pissed and goes on a warpath. This certainly makes his following actions understandable. (Though if he had his arch-enemy right there and was especially angry at him, you’d think his actions would be a little more extreme.) If you’re wondering, Sally and Antoine put in a brief appearance in this story. Antoine gets humiliated and Sally shares some more belligerent sexual tension with Sonic.

As the end to the original mini-series, issue three is certainly an underwhelming piece of work. Dave Manak would provide the art for this issue, quickly becoming the main artist during the book's early years. His work is similar to Scott Shaw's, with a comparable cartoon edge. However, his work can also be quite sloppy which makes it less visually appealing. Sonic goes horribly off-panel on the second panel of page five, for example.

Archie’s Sonic series is still in its infancy at this point and would remain so for about another year. As the dawn of the regular series arrives, all I can say is: It gets better. I swear! [4/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (Original Mini-Series): Issue 2

Sonic the Hedgehog (Original Mini-Series): Issue 2
Publication Date: January 1993


In the third issue of the “Sonic the Hedgehog” mini-series (which, once again, I must point out is issue 2.), the comic series begins to resemble its Saturday morning cartoon counterpart a little more, while still featuring lots of goofy humor. Mostly, issue 2 is where the series’ complex, convoluted mythology started to take shape. A further sign of the series’ slow tonal evolution is present in this issue’s construction: Aside from a few gag comics, the entire issue is devoted to one story.

That plot concerns a specific item: King Acorn’s Crown. Attached to the tips of the crown are four round emeralds, called the Freedom Emeralds. The jewels exuded some sort of magical powers and reportedly, while in the hands of a member of the court of Acorn, will ensure the kingdom’s protection. Considering King Max got overthrown in the first place, it looks like they did a bang-up job with that… Anyway, as Sonic and Sally open the jewelry box, turns out the emeralds have been stolen, forcing Sonic and friends to race around the area in search of them. The Crown of Acorns would later be established as one part of a trio of magical MacGuffins that the kingdom acquired. This story would entirely be retconned out of existence, like most of the comic’s early years, later on. However, “A Crowning Achievement” still represents the comic’s first attempt at building up a mythology for itself.

The story also ups the stakes slightly. In first part, Freedom HQ is threatened by a Robotnik android disguised as a part of Antoine’s royal guard. The pig threatens to explode, which forces Sonic to make a dash for the surface. Obviously, the hedgehog survives. However, the moment, along with the robot’s deranged swirling eyes and evil smile, generates some mild suspense. The story also introduces what would be Robotnik’s primary goal for the comic’s first fifty issues: Locating the Freedom Fighters’ secret hide-out and murdering them. Granted, this issue has two of Robotnik’s lackeys discovering the locale, before they are conveniently destroyed. Because the robots couldn’t just beam that information back to Robotropolis? I guess Wi-Fi wasn’t invented yet. Anyway, the situation is a little more serious.

The story line also features the series building on its continuity. Sonic ventures back to the underwater cave he was in last time, fighting with Jaws once again. (And also swimming again, because the title of my blog is more a vague idea then a concrete concept.) The relationship between the characters’ continue to build, as Sally’s outright affection for Sonic is confirmed, along with his rivalry with the snooty Antoine. The badniks also continue to be a presence in the comics, with SWATBots, Bat Brains, Buzz Bombers, and the newly introduced Burrobot all playing a bigger role in this issue. Hell, we even see Tails fishing again. Apparently, this was a hobby he once had, probably because there wasn’t a whole lot for him to do at this point, besides moon over Sonic.

Sonic is defined beyond his ‘tude and ability to deliver puns. He starts to use his super-speed in clever ways. He kicks up some flames to start the sprinkler system, in order to reveal the robotic spy. He uses a series of badniks as mid-air stepping stones in order to reach a target, a move which wouldn’t make a proper appearance in the video games until the Dreamcast era. Beyond his ability to run fast and spin in a ball, the character has always been clever too. It’s nice to see that in the comic.

So Issue 2 is more focused and serious. Which isn’t to say it still isn’t full of goofy bullshit. The character’s communicate mostly in puns and silly jokes. Antoine continues to be treated as a pompous asshat. His hot-air seems to power a balloon in one panel. A blimp declares its association with Robotnik’s regime by having a giant red mustache. Jaws is defeated when he swims into a drawling Sonic and Tails quickly made on a wall. They did this underwater, where they also carry out full conversations. A sassy SWATBot makes a cameo. And the comic continues to feature winking, meta jokes. Sonic comments on Sally’s changing hair color. The story ends with Robotnik bemoaning his few appearances in this issue. Which takes an entire page, by the way. A one-page gag makes fun of the current comic environment. It references David Letterman, Archie’s “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures” comic, the Energizer Bunny, X-Men, Batman, Spawn, Michal J. Fox, and the “Death of Superman” story line. While mildly amusing for those that remember the comic scene in the early nineties, this does seem like Archie, a perpetual fourth-placer in the sales rack, taking cheap potshots at companies out of their league.

Scott Shaw’s artwork continues to be sharp, cartoony, and colorful, though he goes off-model a few times. In the Sonic-Grams letter section, Gabriel from Texas asks when the action figures based on the comic are coming out. Archie says they’re working on it. 22 years later, I’m still waiting. As for Issue 2, over all? It’s the best so far. [7/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (Original Mini-Series): Issue 1

Sonic the Hedgehog (Original Mini-Series): Issue 1
Publication Date: December 1992

In the second issue of the Sonic mini-series, which is bafflingly issue one, things are already looking more normal. Sally’s hair is the black curl she wore in the original SatAM pilot, though her figure is still less then svelte. Robotnik receives his black eyes and red pupils, showing that he’s part-machine and all-evil. He is shown transforming fleshy humanoids into mechanical robots, though the machine is called a “Robo-Machine,” instead of a Roboticizer.

There’s still plenty of early installment weirdness here. Robotnik has plenty of opportunities to just kill the heroes at this point but doesn’t, because this is a kid’s comic. Antoine wields a gun in one panel. Rotor’s nature as the team mechanic is more prominently featured. However, he’s still called “Boomer” throughout the comic. He also provides yet more goofy one-liners. Apparently, Sonic is the whipper-snapper while Rotor is more sarcastic and low-key. Sally, meanwhile, is super bitchy, yelling at her comrades like a spoiled brat. The comic still freely mixes cartoon and video game elements, as the second story has Sonic rumbling with Jaws, a badnik from the original “Sonic” Sega game, in what appears to be the Labyrinth Zone. (Distressingly, it would appear that hedgehogs can still swim. You’re messing with me, Archie.) Somehow, the characters can still talk underwater because comics.

Once again, the comic is broken up into two stories with several silly one-pagers padding the page number out. The first story is superior to anything from Issue 0, though just barely. As the kidnapping of Uncle Chuck was established as Sonic’s motivation last time, here we get more information on Sally’s father being captured. In the first story, Sally goes off to meet and negotiate with Robotnik. Sonic, Tails, and Antoine obviously realize this is a trap, especially when iron bars burst through the ground to capture them. The trio race into Robotropis to rescue the princess from the obvious trap. In what is a hilarious misunderstanding, it turns out Sally realized this was a trap. She planned to sabotage Robotnik’s roboticizer the entire time. The second story is far sillier, with Jaws interrupting Sonic’s fishing(?) trip, leading to a brief underwater scuffle.

The tone remains comedic, goofy, and meta. All the characters are comedic goofballs. When Sonic smashes Robotnik’s Robo-Machine, the evil dictator quips about how it’ll take two issues to repair it. Puns fly a-plenty, such as quips about “submarine sandwiches.” Tails references Otis Redding’s “Sitting On the Dock of the Bay,” a song I doubt anyone would be familiar with 11,940 years into the future. On the first page, Sonic throws dust into Tails’ eyes, which causes the young fox to run into a tree. Because Sonic should always be slightly characterized as an asshole. The book is filled out with goofy one-page gag strips, like Sonic playing baseball or tennis – that’s two separate comics, by the way – or Rotor joking about the postal service. As expected, Michael Gallagher’s script is very silly.

Well, I still like Scott Shaw’s artwork. Isn’t it weird how he draws Sonic’s back spines as one paper-thin stripe that blows in the wind? The characters’ faces are cartoonish and expressive. The artwork is silly but there’s certainly nothing flat or boring about it. Weirdly, a mid-book poster features a slightly off-model Robotnik and a seriously off-model Bunnie Rabbot, who hasn’t even appeared in this comic yet. As harmless entertainment for kids, this is fine. As entertainment for twenty-something internet hipsters, I can’t give this anything more then a [6/10].

Sonic the Hedgehog (Original Mini-Series): Issue 0

Sonic the Hedgehog (Original Mini-Series): Issue 0
Publication Date: November 1992

These days, an on-going comic series usually starts that way. Things were a little different back in the early nineties, when the comic boom was still on-going. New characters and series would often première in a limited run mini-series, in order to the test the waters. Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” book began this way as well, with a four part mini. It’s from these humble waters that the longest running licensed comic book began.

The early days of the comic were schizophrenic in their influences. This is clear on the cover. The weirdness is right there up front. For some reason, the first issue wasn’t marked with a big, bold number 1. Instead, Sonic’s premiere issue is number 0, for some reason. The cover of the comic features a Sonic that easily could have leaped off the Genesis box. Robotnik, meanwhile, is drawn in a cartoonish fashion and obviously based off the game design. The cast of the comic was drawn from the SatAM cartoon, their designs matching, with a few of the regular villains from the games also appearing. The tone of these early comics, however, were more heavily influenced by the goofy “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” cartoon. Robotnik has white eyes and he operates out of an office building. The Freedom Fighters hang out in an underground bunker. Rotor is called Boomer. Sally’s hair is yellow. What the fuck is going on here?

Many of these early issues were broken up into multiple stories, which where then broken up into several parts, for some reason. The introductory story, “Don’t Cry for Me, Mobius,” is split into two parts. And it’s an introductory story in the truest sense. Sonic is introduced being chased by Robotnik and a few badniks. All the while, he’s slinging goofy comebacks. Robotnik, floating around in his Egg Mobile, acts like a buffoon. Sonic breaks the fourth wall, literally introducing readers to his world and its situation. The power rings, as they were in SatAM, are basically plot devices, rising out of a well to provide Sonic with a power boost. The second story, meanwhile, shows Robotnik’s rise to power and Sonic’s first meeting with the Freedom Fighters. In-between the two stories, several one-page gags introduces us to the Mobians’ plight, Sonic’s abilities (which shows, contrary to this blog’s title, that hedgehogs can swim.), and Robotnik’s league of robot slaves.

The Freedom Fighters are reduced to simple archetypes. Sonic is the smart-ass, fast-foot hero. Sally is a mouthy worry-wart who obviously shares some romantic tension with the hero. Tails admires Sonic without fail and usually ends up falling on his ass, attempting to replicate his hero. Antoine is a blowhard and a nincompoop. Uncle Chuck is a kind patriarch, who supplies Sonic with shoes and chili dogs, and whose capture provides a motivation for our hero. Muttski is a regular dog, in a world full of furries, so mull that one over for a minute. Rotor… Cracks a bunch of lame puns? These are the characters in their infancy, is my point.

The tone of the comic in this first issue is silly and irrelevant. The first story concerns a leak in the underground HQ of the Freedom Fighters. The cause are literal weeping willow trees, sad that the rest of the forest has bulldozed by Robotnik’s industrial force. The second story is slightly more serious, showing Uncle Chuck and Muttski’s capture and Sonic becoming a Freedom Fighter. Unlike the cartoon and later issues, where the two are shown turned into robots, they are instead shown hypnotized into servitude.

Even then, there are plenty of jokes about Robotnik’s weight, Sonic being flattened by a wrecking ball, and pithy notes from the editor, which were endemic in these early issues. Robotnik’s rise to power is not shown as a military coup but as a sudden appearance, his robots tacking poster proclaiming his anti-happiness laws to public walls.

Even then, this first issue still establishes Sonic and the gang as rebels, fighting against an evil dictatorship. The ecological theme that would run throughout the series for many years, which it inherited from its cartoon roots, is in place right from the beginning. The Freedom Fighters live in a lush, green forest. Robotnik lives in a factory district, belching smog into the air. Living in harmony with nature = Good. Exploiting and polluting the planet = Bad. That’s right, kids. Sonic is a gerddurn tree-huggin’ hippy. He’s a planeteer. You can be one too.

Michael Gallagher’s script is never really funny, save for some random pop culture references to “2001: A Space Odyssey” and “The Flash,” which probably went over the intended audience’s head. However, Scott Shaw – or Scott Shaw! as he’s identified here – provides some loose, likably cartoon-y artwork. The characters are animated and fun to look at.

You really can’t judge the series to come based on these first issues. For what it’s worth, this is what the Sonic comics were like when I first picked them up, twenty-some years ago. It was a different world. It’s an easy read, if nothing else, and purdy enough to look at. I guess that equates to a [6/10].

Archie Sonic Comic Reviews: Introduction

As a kid, I was obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog. I don’t know why. I can’t remember why. All I know is that the character and the world he inhabited was fascinating for me. One aspect, especially, captivated me. The Saturday Morning cartoon show, known by fans and henceforth as “SatAM,” became my favorite thing ever. The show premiered in September of 1993, which means I must have been around six years old when I first saw it.

Why the show fascinated me so much is a question I created this blog, back in 2010 and rarely updated since then, to answer. I could read into it. The show, about a group of rebels fighting against an evil empire for control of their own environment, appealed to the budding anti-authority, left-wing commie in me. Maybe the stark divide between heroes, on the side of nature, and villains, on the side of industry, spoke to me. Maybe I was just happy to see my favorite pop culture character running around in animation. Maybe I was a baby furry and thought Princess Sally was hot. Who knows?

But I’m not here to talk about SatAM.

As a seven year old kid, I wasn’t entirely aware what “cancellation” meant. So many of the shows I watched ran forever in syndication. The still new Cartoon Network provided my young brain with reruns of shows from the seventies and eighties. The idea of something leaving the airways forever wasn’t a concept I easily grasped. All I knew is my favorite hedgehog was on TV every weekend. And the next weekend, he wasn’t. I don’t even remember seeing the cliff-hanger the series ended on at the time. All I remember is wondering what the characters were up to. I wanted to see the adventure continue.

At the time, my sister, who is a decade older then me, was dating some nerd. He worked at our local comic book shop. One day, he brought over two issues of the “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic book published by Archie Comics, issues 17 and 18. My mind exploded. There was Sonic, along with Sally, Bunnie, and the rest of the crew, having new adventures and continuing their fictional lives. SatAM wasn’t on TV anymore but my favorite characters lived on.

I was elated. I already knew how to read but I think those comics taught me to read, if you understand my meaning. I grabbed them as often as I could. I had a subscription at the comic shop for a while. Some years down the road, I even had a by-mail subscription. Mostly, I remember picking the series up from the comics rack at my local Waldenbooks. Ironically, that tiny comic shop has outlived Waldenbooks and other big chain stores by many years.

The series has had many ups-and-downs over the years. The quality has varied wildly. I think my fandom for the series ran its hottest during the post-“Endgame” arc, when it seemed like things were really changing for the first time. During the doldrums of the Bollers/Penders years, when Sonic (who was actually Anti-Sonic) was screwing around with a bunch of different women, I nearly dropped the book. But I could never bring myself to stop reading. The Archie Sonic series has been a part of my life for twenty years. Things would just be weird without it.

When I first started this blog, before I abandoned it, one of the things I really wanted to do was go to the beginning of the Archie series, re-reading all of it. ALL OF IT. All the mini-series, one-shots, and spin-offs. All 283-plus issues of it. I plan to re-read all of these and review them all, hopefully bringing some sort of insight to the various changes the series has gone through over its unprecedented run.

Is this crazy? Yes. Am I committed to do it? Yes. Will I see the project through to its end? I have no idea. Will Hedgehogs Can’t Swim end up going back to not being updated in a few weeks? Probably. We’ll see. Through it all, maybe I can figure out why this series means so much to me.

Sonic (2013) - Fan-Made Short Film

As someone who is both a film nerd, an amateur screenwriter, and obsessed with “Sonic the Hedgehog,” the idea of taking a whack at a feature version of the long-running series has occurred to me. Like the “Darkstalkers” screenplay I actually wrote once, the fact that it would be nothing but glorified fan-fiction didn’t really stop ideas from spin-dashing around in my head. Further more, the idea for a “Sonic” feature film I had was strictly my dream “Sonic” film, done totally in traditional animation, featuring the SatAM supporting characters, a dark and intimidating Robotnik, a Snivley with a toupee, and a narrowed focus on a theme of free choice vs. conformity, chaos vs. order, and a bunch of other high-faluting stuff that arguably doesn’t belong in a movie about a blue hedgehog that runs really, really fast. (For the curious, the end would feature a brief cameo from Bunny while I had planned on saving Metal Sonic, the Death Egg, Knuckles, and the Floating Island for possible sequels. And Brian Cox was my dream-cast pick to voice Robotnik.) Alas, I’ve never really put any serious work into this and decided that focusing my limited time and creative energies on original material was probably for the best. Also because actually sitting down and writing a “Sonic” screenplay was maybe stooping to a level of nerdery even I was uncomfortable with.

Obviously, that didn’t stop the people at Blue Core Studios, who previously displayed their massive, intricate nerd kung-fu by making elaborate fan films based on “Street Fighter” and, perhaps most impressively, a feature-length “Mega Man” movie. Either my “Sonic”-nerd card is dwindling or I just don’t spend a lot of time in the “fan films based off of video games” parts of the internet, as I had never heard of their “Sonic” fan film, titled just “Sonic” dropping “The Hedgehog” for some reason, until tonight. I immediately sat down to watch it.

The short review?: Nice try. I’ve got no problem heaping vitroal on big-budget studio movies but, when it comes to fan films like this, made for a few scrapped-together thousand dollars, created and operated by passionate fans, I feel the need to both limit my expectations and be nice.

What I like the most about “Sonic” is how it combines the countless continuities into a mostly cohesive whole. Set on Mobius, primarily located in a very New York looking Station Square, we are neatly given the information that on near-by South Island there’s a race of humanoid animals… At least, there was until very recently, when mad scientist and would-be world conqueror Dr. Robotnik (formally Julian Kintobor) massacred the populace as the first step in his bid for world domination. World building comprises the first seven minutes of this 18-minute short while the latter half focuses on a team of G.U.N. soldiers dropping into the island, being attacked by the doctor’s robots, before being rescued by Sonic, who very quickly establishes himself as the ever-present thorn in the villain’s side. From a writing perspective, I can’t really besmirch the script too much. I could honestly see this working fairly well as the set-up for a big budget studio Sonic film. From a fanboy perspective, I don’t have too many complaints with it. At first I was worried, with the fleets of Egg Carriers, Gamma series shock-troops, and setting of Station Square, this would primarily be an adaptation of the “Adventure” series. But there are plenty of references to the original game continuity as well as the important cartoon series, the most obvious of which is getting Jaleel White back as the voice of the titular hero.

The majority of the aesthetic complaints I have with the film are results of its tiny budget. The CGI is home-made and about the level of a Syfy Channel Original. While the big stuff, like flying warships and robots and cartoon hedgehogs, are forgivable, the explosion and gun muzzle effects right out of AfterEffects are less so and noticeably distracting.

The guy playing Robotnik, DJ Hazard, seems to have had some formal training and actually does a decent job. (Though billowing rage at the end is slightly unconvincing.) Honestly, he makes me think that Robotnik would come off as an evil(ier) Jesse Ventura in real life. I wasn’t immediately convinced by White’s return to the character. He noticeably, obviously, sounds older. At first, the decision to keep Sonic’s dialogue as early-‘90s cowabunga kitsch is jarring but White actually manages to make it work somehow. Sonic is so cool that he doesn’t care if he sounds like a 1991 ad exec’s idea of what the kids are in to. Which is one hundred percent correct, truthfully. That could just be the hopeless nostalgic in me. White’s appearance is the project’s sole grasp at legitimacy. Urkel has maybe five minutes of dialogue in the whole thing, and considering the Sonic fandom is pretty much the only place Jaleel is still relevant, we should probably be less impressed by his participation.

The rest of the cast is a bigger problem. The G.U.N. team, besides flopping around in unconvincing costumes, have to get their mouths around some pretty awkward dialogue. The fact that they can’t make it work us probably equally the fault of the screenwriter as it is the performers. The supporting cast being peppered with internet nerd personalities like the Angry Video Game Nerd, the Nostalgia Critic, and one of the ScrewAttack guys seems like a some-what desperate appeal to the internet nerd audience. The popularity of James Rolfe and Doug Walker’s online creations obviously doesn’t have much to do with their acting ability.

Supposedly, the primary goal behind this fan-film was proving that Sonic could work in a live-action setting. While the movie impresses in some ways, I can’t help but feel that it proves why Sonic wouldn’t work in live action. It’s not just the lack of money that makes Sonic’s appearance among live actors jarring. They might be slightly goofy looking but E-series units, the Buzz Bombers, and Motobugs are still buyable as robotic creations moving among the living. But a four-foot tall blue hedgehog that runs faster then the speed of sound and destroys enemies by rolling into a ball and smashing into them? Suspension of belief strains, even in a blatant science fiction setting. I mean, an anthromorphized hedgehog? Maybe. One that wears white gloves and red tennis shoes? Nope. The POV shots of rushing trees are far more appropriate. To a lesser degree, Robotnik’s red and yellow outfit looks silly in real life too.

The movie also gives us a look into the sensibilities that a big budget live action “Sonic” movie would have to grapple with. CGI Sonic is reduced to supporting character against the human characters, not unlike a certain adaptation of an eighties giant robot cartoon that will go unnamed. The South Islander animals are clearly treated as a racial minority by the humans, recalling “X-Men” and numerous other franchises. Robotnik’s genocide seems partially motivated by this. The script stops just short of repurposing “I Hate That Hedgehog” as a racial slur. (Though that would have been awesome.) It’s clear the Blue Core Studios guys’ hearts are in the right place but it’s still obvious to me that, in the unlikely case that a theatrical “Sonic” feature is made, it should be a cartoon.

It’s cool. Sure, it’s cool. I’m too big of a nerd not to think it’s at least kind of cool. I would obviously watch the sequel the ending sets up. It could have been a lot worse. I have to admire the conviction and work that went into this. But I doubt any studio exec got a look at this and immediately scooped up the rights from SEGA and got these guys on the phone. Like all Sonic-fan products, only Sonic nerds will enjoy and everyone else will shake their heads and roll their eyes. [6/10]