Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 103

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 103
Publication Date: October 2001

Archie has done it before. Their “Sonic the Hedgehog” series was heavily serialized by this point. Occasionally, Archie would interrupt the on-going plot with some ridiculous story outside of continuity. Usually, these concepts were things that had clearly been sitting on a shelf for some time, put aside for when a deadline quickly needed filling. It’s quite apparent to me that such a situation led to the two-parter that filled issues 103 and 104. Both the cover story and back-up were created by Mike Gallagher, who hasn’t written for the book for a while. Both stories hearken back to the comic’s early days, when “Sonic” was filled with silly parodies, slapstick, and sight gags.

Issue 103’s cover story is, specifically, a parody of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy. When people hear that name today, they think of lovable characters like Rocket Racoon, Groot, and Starlord. They think of the hugely successful film adaptations from James Gunn. Archie wasn’t paying homage to that version of the Guardians, which wouldn’t come into existence until years later. Instead, they were goofing on the version of the team that existed in the early nineties. This particular incarnation of the Guardians has a cult following but it still pretty obscure. Even huge nerds are unlikely to be familiar with characters like Nikki or Aleta Ogord.

Why would Archie build an entire two-parter around referencing such an overlooked group of characters? The “Sonic” editors were obviously friendly with Jim Valentino, since the artists previously worked on “Sonic Super Special” and “Knuckles the Echidna.” Valentino would come to fame for his 29 issue run as writer and artist on “Guardians of the Galaxy,” which was mildly popular. And who followed Valentino as the writer of that series? None other then Mike Gallagher, who not coincidentally wrote these two issues. In other words, this dumb story is basically an in-joke between friends, inflicted on Sega’s blue hedgehog for some reason.

So, anyway, what the hell is this damn thing about? Zonic the Zone Cop presents the tale as taking place in an alternate zone. Sonic returns to Mobius, after spending a thousand years drifting in space. While he was up there, oyster-headed aliens built him a super suit that transferred his super speed into psychic, kinetic energy. Upon touching down, he sees that the planet has been transformed into a hellish wasteland. After fighting a series of robotic Knuckles, he meets a group of galactic superheroes, descendants of the Freedom Fighters he knew.

In order to find a parody amusing, one must be at least somewhat familiar with the source material being parodied. While it’s not necessary to enjoy them, “Young Frankenstein” and “Airplane!” are way funnier if you’ve seen a few Universal Frankenstein flicks or the “Airport” movies. Like the majority of people, I’ve never read Valentino’s run on “Guardians of the Galaxy.” So I don’t really get the gag. Even if I did, I suspect “Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy” isn’t the best parody. The jokes mostly extend to creating mash-ups between the Marvel and Sonic characters, with punny names like Tailon or Twan-Du.

In truth, quite a bit of the comic is devoted to painful exposition. Zonic talks about this zone. Sonic explains how he got tossed in space, how he got his new powers. Tailon explains how Robotnik destroyed Mobius during a War of the World. (Yes, they call it that.) The Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy explain their individual powers. After the fight is over, the members of the team provide their back stories, involving the Freedom Fighters traveling to other worlds and adapting to the new environments in different ways. Gallagher even indulges in some exposition of his own, by explaining that an evil race of aliens called the Sharks grew out of the Forty Fathom Freedom Fighters. (In another throwback to the book’s old days, Gallagher directly asks the reader if they want to see more of the Sharks. Considering this is their only appearance, the answer was presumably “no.”) If there are jokes here, they’re buried under the weight of countless info-dumps.

Presumably, Gallagher and Valentino’s work on the actual “Guardians of the Galaxy” was less strangled by explaining who the characters are. When not expounding on everyone’s personality, this issue features some mildly captivating action. Sonic and Tailon smash some Brass Knuckles. The Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy shoot laser beams, leap around, and display super strength. It would be more diverting if the characters didn’t have to stop and give us their life stories every other panel.

During his previous go-arounds at Archie’s various “Sonic” titles, Valentino’s artwork has been iffy. His illustrations for the Image crossover were incredibly flat. His “Knuckles” pencils were hideous. He does somewhat better here. The character designs are fairly unappealing, especially Hawkhawk, a new character that is a spoof of Starhawk. But nobody bends in horrifyingly ugly ways. Sally and Bunnie even look quite fetching, poured into their superhero suits. Valentino experiments with the page lay-out in mildly interesting ways. It’s not a great looking book but it doesn’t cause my eyes to melt out of my sockets.

Issue 103 is a Mike Gallagher two-fer. “Myth Taken Identity” revolves around Gallagher’s beloved Downunda Freedom Fighters. After Wombat Stu left the island to join King Acorn’s Secret Service, the team holds auditions for a new fifth member. The disappointing turn-out causes them to reminisce over how the team came together in the first place. Afterwards, one of the applicants is brutalized by the Bunyip, a fearsome creature from Australian mythology.

Much like the cover story, “Myth Taken Identity” is front-loaded with exposition. But at least, this time, it concerns characters we have some investment in. Most of the back story revolves around an origin story for the Downunda Freedom Fighters, something I might have wondered about in the past. It’s a bit underwhelming. Walt Wallaby literally stumbled into Guru Emu. In quick succession, the two met up with Duck Bill, Wombat Stu, and Barby Koala. Disgusted with Crocbot’s burgeoning take-over of the continent, they united to fight against him. I would’ve preferred the team coming together in a more natural way. But it is sort of neat to learn their origin.

It’s a shame that “Myth Taken Identity” is mostly devoted to goofy jokes. The first two pages focus on the applicants for the team, all of whom are goofy joke characters. Such as a kookaburra who sings badly, a mildly racist immigrant rabbit, and Ram Marino, a ram football player. Since one Marvel reference wasn’t enough for Gallagher, one of the applicants is Dare-Dingo, a dingo version of Daredevil. Befitting the jokey tone, Dave Manak draws the story. It’s clear Manak hasn’t drawn these characters in a while, as they are quite off-model.

Issue 103 isn’t very good but, you know, it doesn’t offend me. It’s a harmless joke, too dumb to be annoying. And it’s not as if the current storyline was super involving, so I don’t mind it being interrupted too much. The back-up is also very dumb but mildly interesting. Speaking of stupid in-jokes, come back next time not for the second part of this story but something entirely different instead! [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 102

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 102
Publication Date: October 2001

This is the first time I’ve ever read issue 102 of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” series. If it seems like I’m not digging the book’s direction now, my opinion was even lower as when these issues were new. I went from issue 101 to 103 and never even noticed. Presumably because I was barely reading the book at the time. Years later, when researching the series online, I discovered I was missing this one. Considering how lousy the book was during this time, I never bothered catching up with the missing issue 102. Until now.

There is something to like about issue 102’s “Family Dysfunction.” It finally resolves many of the plot points that have been lingering in the air for a while. The freed Roboians are brought back to Knothole. Princess Sally uses the Sword of Acorn’s powers to restore the Antoine’s Dad’s free will. Robotnik activates his sleeper agents, Heavy and Bomb, who attempt to blow up the royal family. Luckily, Sonic shows up to save the day. The hedgehog almost has a reunion with Sally, until the Princess remembers Sonic’s kiss with Mina. So, in other words, the story’s forward momentum comes to a sudden halt right there. Can’t win ‘em all, I guess.

It seems like Karl took issue 100 as a sign to clean house. He recently killed off Nate Morgan. In 102, he writes Prince Elias out of the story. The prince attempts to use the Sword of Acorn to restore General D’Coolette. He can’t do it, humiliating himself in front of the King. Sally’s bond with the sword is the latest indicator that Elias isn’t meant to be king. Sally is the obvious choice. Elias runs away in the middle of the night, leaving an emotional letter. Considering Sally’s long lost brother has done nothing but whine about not wanting to be king since he got to Knothole, I doubt anyone will miss him.

Elias isn’t the only minor character to get the axe. Considering his long string of recent failures, Geoffrey St. John and his Secret Service decide to take some time off. Robotnik chooses this moment to activate his sleeper agents, Heavy and Bomb. For some reason, Bomb has gone from being one small robot to an army of smaller robots. There’s so many dumb things about this. If Robotnik had Heavy as a spy inside Knothole, I don’t know why he didn’t just call in an airstrike to flatten the resistance. Nobody thought to figure out why Heavy and Bomb were acting strange. But at least Karl finally got around utilizing this plot point.

Continuing issue 100’s focus on action, “Family Dysfunction” does feature Sonic kicking some ass. After realizing trouble is up at the castle, Sonic zips in. He banters with Heavy for a minute before immediately smashing Heavy. Before the Bombs can go off, Rotor swings in and deactivates them with an EMP ray. It’s sloppy. It’s incredibly sloppy and barely makes any sense. But at least it’s sort of fun to read.

The actual plot is a mess but Bollers almost redeems it by including a few genuinely sweet character moments. While the Acorn family is torn apart, the Hedgehog and D’Coolette families are brought back together. Antoine and his dad have a tearful reunion. Uncle Chuck and Sonic’s parent sit around a family photo album. We see the brothers as children, Jules and Bernie’s wedding photo, and a picture of Sonic and Chuck playing when he was a kid. It only occupies one page but it’s still a touching moment.

It’s certainly better handled then the back-up story. Knuckles continues to suck at time travel. For some reason, the echidna is fixated on getting Dimitri’s original plot – to lower the Floating Island back down to Earth – to succeed. He makes two separate attempts to correct history. The first results in the Island exploding and the second turns Knuckles into a robot. Each time, he returns to the present, somehow undoing this time travel fuckery. Never mind that this isn’t how tangent timelines work. Once again, I can’t help but feel that Knuckles’ new godly powers could be better utilized.

It’s a super dumb story further complicated by an abundance of techno babble. Dimitri fills multiple word bubbles with vague, nonsensical explanations for what the hell is going on. Once again, instead of resolving the plot in a direct way, Penders spins his wheels. Is Knuckles ever going to get around to rescuing his friends and family? Dawn Best’s artwork has a certain interesting style but is a bit on the loose side.

In many ways, I should hate issue 102. The plotting is extremely messy. Stupid bullshit is preventing Sonic and Sally from getting back together. There’s at least one pointless scene devoted to Robotnik and Snively, throwing a parade in Robotropolis for no reason. Ron Lim’s artwork is fucking terrible. But at least shit is getting done. At least previously mentioned plot points are getting resolved. That counts for something during the comic’s lowest point. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 101

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 101
Publication Date: September 2001

Around the time issue 100 of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” series was published, the fandom was abuzz with speculation. On his website, Ken Penders had promised that a new villain would be debuting in the comic around this time. People wondered who this could be. Would it be the newly debuted Shadow the Hedgehog, whose name we didn’t even know when that announcement was made? Would an entirely new character appear? Or would, as had been rumored for a while now, Knuckles become a villain? The last, and least interesting possibility, turned out to be true. As you’d imagine, Knuckles’ heel turn was short lived. Issue 101 is one of the few times the echidna’s newly acquired villainy was relevant at all.

Following the Freedom Fighters’ escape from Robotropolis last time, Sonic and the others wonder what happened to Nate Morgan. Before they can figure that out, weird shit starts going down. Sonic and the others are suddenly displaced across different dimensions. They stay inside these strange places for a few minutes before being zapped into a new one. This continues for a while and then it stops.

“Altered States” is a potentially interesting idea. Momentarily displacing Sonic and friends into different realities could’ve been fun. And, some times, it sort of is. Sonic and Tails first leap into the world from the Japanese OVA series. Meaning they fight Metal Robotnik, they long to rescue the humanoid Princess Sara, and Knuckles wears a bitchin’ Crocodile Dundee hat. Another zone they zip into is right out of SatAM. Robotnik is sporting his original design while Sonic and Sally are on a routine mission. It’s interesting to visit these other continuities, especially the OVA which the comic had yet to acknowledge up to this point. (Sega, who didn’t want to reference the OVA for licensing reasons, was quite annoyed that Archie did this.)

Some of the other realities Sonic enters are classical “What if?” situations. The first one shows what life would be like if Warlord Julian’s coup had been prevented. Sally would be marrying Knuckles, Elias would’ve returned to Mobotropolis years earlier, but Jules would still be a robot. Another dimension jump shows a world where Sally really did die during “Endgame.” Both of these scenarios have emotional potential. In the first world, Sonic wonders why Sally chose the Guardian over him. Essentially, one childhood friend wonders why another childhood friend graduated to romantic love interest. In the other reality, the Freedom Fighters grapple with the death of their Princess. Sadly, the sequences are so short-lived that there’s no time to properly explore these set-ups.

Worst yet, these leaps through other dimensions have no effect on the prime zone. The Freedom Fighters get tossed into other timelines, without reason, and then get zapped back. The question of “how” isn’t provided in the story itself, the explanation waiting for the back-up story. This leaves readers confused. The question of “why” is even more elusive. The only consequences these sneaks into other dimensions leave behind is Sonic learning that Nate Morgan is dead. In other words, the entire cover story has been a huge waste of time.

In the back pages, Ken’s Knuckles-centric epic continues to roll on ever so slowly. It begins with Julie-Su asking why the hell Knuckles agreed to join the Dark Legion. This is a good question! Knuckles’ answer is that Dimitri may be more forthcoming with explanations then the Brotherhood, which says more about how needlessly evasive Knuckles' dad than how reasonable a supervillain like Dimitri is. When Knuckles asks the Legion leader what the extent of his power is, Dimitri informs him that it’s potentially limitless. The young Guardian immediately attempts to travel back in time and change history. It doesn’t work.

If there’s one lesson we’ve learned from Knuckles’ on-going plot – other than Ken sucks at telling a long story – it’s that Knuckles has no idea what he’s doing. Once Knuckles learns that his Chaos Powers allow him to do almost anything, he doesn’t attempt to escape the Legion and free the Floating Island. Instead, he goes back in time. Way back in time, to before Echidnaopolis floated into the sky. This is apparently why everything went crazy in the cover story, though it’s far from a satisfying explanation. If Knuckles is seemingly so powerful, I don’t know why he doesn’t just force Dimitri to give him the answers he craves. Why is he screwing around?

The writing is still clumsy but the artwork is better. For the first time, Archie recruited a “Sonic” fan artist to work on the main book. Dawn Best would soon be followed by J. Axer and, eventually, the team of Ian Flynn and Tracy Yardley. Best’s artwork isn’t perfect, as Knuckles still looks kind of awkward in a few panels. But it’s certainly a big improvement over Ken Penders and Ron Lim’s pencils. Best’s Lien-Da looks awesome and she creates a few memorable panels. Such as Knuckles tumbling to ground after his first time travel attempt goes wrong. Sadly, Archie would waste Best’s talents, rarely allowing her to show off.

Archie also chose this issue to start debuting the Sega Data Files. These were short profiles about characters and places. I suspect they were added to bring new readers up to speed, since they mostly tell long-time readers stuff we already know. Archie would release several of these Data Files but quickly forget about the concept. As for issue 101, its cover story is interesting but totally useless while its back story continues to frustrate. It’s not going to get better any time soon. [4/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 100

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 100
Publication Date: August 2001

As a kid getting into comics, a series hitting the triple digits was proof that it had made it. If a book could successfully run for that long, that meant it had carved out its niche on the comic shop’s racks. That it had reached a certain level of respectability and critical standing in the four-color world. As a youngster, I never imagined that Archie’s “Sonic” series – which I loved so much at one time – would ever reach that milestone. Kid-me would would probably loose his shit if he was told the series would still be running twenty years later, nearly exceeding 300 issues. It’s just a shame that the 100 issue milestone would come during a legendarily lame run.

Karl obviously planned to wrap up some of his lingering story lines in the 100th issue. The Freedom Fighters confront Kodos and the location of the Sword of Acorn is finally, blessedly, revealed. Magical sword in hand, the team heads towards Robotropolis with two objectives. The first of which is to rescue Nate Morgan, who has headed to Robotnik’s city for briefly defined reasons. Secondly, the group uses the sword’s powers to give a whole bunch of Robians their free will back.

Issue 100 does successfully clip away some of the bloat the series has been feeling lately, for now anyway. The Sword of Acorn arc seems to be resolved, at least for the moment. Uma Arachnis, who reveals the Sword location with her dying breath, hid it down some fucking hole in the forest.  The entire Freedom Fighter team temporarily come back together to kick the ever-loving shit out of Kodos. When was the last time the core five Freedom Fighters had a big action scene together? It’s been far too long, that’s for sure. Watching Bunnie, Antoine, and Tails curb stomp the Warlord into submission sure is satisfying.

Karl doesn’t exactly resolve the unresolved tension between Sonic and Sally but at least he addresses it. While the Princess runs to Uma’s hiding spot, Kodos attacks her. She slips and falls into the chasm. For a page, it seems like Princess Sally has bitten the dust. This leads to a surprisingly touching panel of Sonic admitting his failure – that he wasn’t fast enough – and the others looking into the pit, dismayed. Sonic even grimly realizes he has to retrieve the body, Bunnie insisting on going with him. It’s an effecting moment…

Which is immediately swept away by some mystic bullshit, which has now officially become the book’s worst tendency. Sally apparently grabbed the Sword of Acorn on the way down. This granted her temporary plot device status, as “the sword’s vessel is unbreakable.” She floats to the surface, zaps Kodos with a thunderbolt, and then returns to normal. It’s a cheap death cheat, the second such concept to befall Sally. A sweet reunion with Sonic and Sally could’ve followed but Mina zooms in, providing the book with its second worst tendency: Romantic melodrama. Two steps forward, one step back.

At least Karl wraps up another long developing plot. We finally discover what Robotnik has been up to. He’s transformed his whole body into a living Robotocizer, allowing him to transform organic material into machinery with a touch. Chuddermund, as set up two issues ago, is his first test subject. (But the issue introduces another plot point: Robotropolis is toxic and anything organic living there is slowly dying of poisoning.) Uncle Chuck and Sonic are reunited, in a cute if far too brief moment. Sally also frees a bunch of Roboians, a heroic action that seemingly changes the minds of the Overlanders living in the city.

Plot bloat isn’t the only thing being cut away. Karl also takes the time to kill off Nate Morgan, another victim of Eggman’s new abilities. The old man sacrifices himself, to make sure the Freedom Fighters escape the city. At least the old man gets a hero’s exit. Considering Nate was never popular and was always a poor fit for the Freedom Fighters – since the team already had two Smart Guys, with Tails and Rotor – his passing wasn’t exactly mourned by fans. But I still wonder if Karl could’ve turned the old guy into something interesting, if given some more room.

Ken’s Knuckles epic in the back pages doesn’t exactly resolve as many points. It is, however, finally starting to move. Knuckles finally gets some answers, discovering that the Dark Legion is responsible for zapping the Floating Island’s population into an alternate zone. Instead of using his newly acquired god like powers to force Dimitri into reversing this, the villain pettily blackmails the Guardian: Become a member of the Dark Legion and I’ll save your friends. For some reason, Knuckles agrees to this.

The plot machinations are pretty dumb. I know Knuckles is still mastering his abilities but I can’t imagine someone as strong-willed as he is would give up to the enemy so easily. Once again, Ken has his hero being pulled back and forth by the will of old guys. At least Knuckles and Julie-Su are finally reunited. That’s way overdue. Yeah, I also can’t imagine a tough bitch like Julie-Su letting Knuckles get pushed around by Dimitri. But at least somebody we actually care about is directly affected by this plot turn.

During all of this, Ken remembers to finally wrap up a story element he first introduced three years ago in issue 17 of “Knuckles” solo book. By transporting all of the Floating Island’s residents back, the Dark Legion unwittingly re-open the dimension Tobor and Kragok leaped into way back in September, 1998. The two rivals immediately fight to their deaths, smashing into the Dark Legion’s cannon and dying. It’s almost as if, gee I wonder, Ken completely forgot about this and, upon remembering it, decided to hastily wrap things up. I’m not too upset about Tobor’s death, as he was always a lame character. Kragok, a cool villain, deserves better then that though.

The artwork continues to be weak. Lim contributes one or two decent image in the main story, like Bunnie karate kicking Kodos or the Freedom Fighters reflecting on Sally’s death. This scenes are immediately undone by silly moments, like Uma’s shrug-worthy death or how goofy the Overlanders and Roboians continue to look. Ken’s illustrations for the back-up story are equally weak, as he simply does not know how to draw facial expressions. Issue 100 resolves some problems but leaves other problems intact. It’s not the issue 100 the series deserves though it is mildly better then the last few editions. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 99

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 99
Publication Date: July 1999

The sad state of affairs for Archie’s “Sonic” series continue as the comic zooms towards its biggest landmark. In issue 99, business continues as usual. Sonic and Tails return from their adventures – Sonic battling Shadow, Tails battling Knuckles – to discover more chaos in Knothole. Kodos is still insane and the Sword of Acorn is still out of reach. But more personal issues are concerning Sally, Mina, and Elias.

In the past, I’ve praised Karl Bollers’ ability to balance emotional subplots with big action. Now, the emotional subplots have taken over the book. By issue 99, Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” was earning its reputation as a “furry soap opera.” Look at all the different story lines that are piling up. There’s still this business of the missing Sword of Acorn, which I’m officially sick of. Kodos is still rampaging around like a crazy person, his madness officially diagnosed as a symptom of Robotropolis born toxins. Uma Arachnis stumbles back into the plot at the end, the reader struggling to care. Meanwhile, Nate Morgan is shocked to hear that Overlanders are in Robotropolis. I can’t remember where Karl is going with this idea. Moreover, I don’t really care.

The things I do care about are handled just as clumsily. Issue 99 begins with a reasonably amusing moment. Sonic and Tails sneak back into his hut, in the middle of the night, to be discovered by the hedgehog’s robotic parents. It’s a scene familiar to teenage fiction but made amusing by the context of a furry action/adventure series. Sadly, Jules and Bernie’s concerns for the boys are reduced to a few panels. Elias’ continued doubts about being a monarch – which have been going on for so long that he’s starting to sound whiny – similarly only receive a few stray thought bubbles. Antoine’s continued concerns about his father being a robotocized slave is shoved into the very back of the issue, a subplot that is totally ignored until the writer seemingly remembered it existed. There’s too much happening in the book right now. Karl can’t juggle it, much less give these ideas the emotional resonance they’re due.

The plot line suffering the most from this approach is the growing Sonic/Sally/Mina love triangle. Karl has totally depowered Sally by this point. The once proud leader of the Freedom Fighters is now reduced to pining for her missing friends. Her attempt to catch Sonic’s attention – dressing up like a dancing girl – doesn’t help the impression that Karl was chickifying the book’s best female character.

This builds up to the issue’s dumbest moment. After another super speed training session, Mina plants a smooch on Sonic. Sally just happens to walk by exactly as this happens. Instead of waiting around for an explanation, Sally immediately flees. If she had stayed, she would’ve realized that Mina’s kiss was meant as a platonic gesture… And Sonic didn’t much approve of it either. It could’ve been a sweet moment, Sonic forced to let the fan girl down easily. Or Sonic and Sally having a meeting of hearts when they both need it the most. Instead, the Idiot Plot rolls on, characters forced into melodramatic situations due to the plot’s machinations.

The back-up story is not fairing it any better. Knuckles teleports back to the Floating Island, which is still unpopulated. There, Grandpa Hawking’s force ghost appears and drops some vague hints about something or other. Meanwhile, the Dark Legion has been watching the echidna’s rampage, only dully concerned by his new powers. At this point, Knuckles realizes he can just teleport aboard the Legion’s Klingon Bird-of-Prey, which he probably should’ve done six issues ago.

I’ve been complaining nonstop about Penders’ annoying resistance to getting back to the Floating Island. Now, Knuckles finally gets his ass back home just for Ken to derail shit further. Instead of having the echidna directly address his enemies, he gets another mysticism-tinged lecture from another dead grandfather. Hawking has “evolved” passed his physical body and haunts the young Guardian as a ghost. But even in death, the Brotherhood is averse to straight fucking answer. Knuckles sees visions of the past, Hawking explains he’s dead, and then vanishes. Seriously, fuck this mystic mumble-jumbo.

Ken has also returned to draw his favorite echidna’s adventures. He’s not using stock photographs as backgrounds any more but that’s hardly an improvement. His facial expressions are dull and flat, when they aren’t bordering on ugly. He still draws Knuckles as a lumpy collection of shapes. But Lien-Da and Dimitri get the worst of it, looking especially off-model. Ken’s weak illustrations are paired with weirdly corny or seriously stiff dialogue. “By the Chaos Emerald!” “Let me go, you brainless drone!” “She being hassled by some hooded monkeys!” “Tough cookies, Knux!” “The cursed son of Locke?” “Take a guess – and the first two don’t count!” Who talks like this?

Ron Lim draws the cover story, by the way. The opening editor’s box proclaims him the new regular penciler. Which, I’m sure you know, I’m super excited about. In all seriousness, Lim’s drawings are as noodly, flat, and unappealing as ever. Both of Archie’s head writers are loosing ground to their worst tendencies. Karl to overdone melodrama and uninspired plotting, Ken to mystic bullshit and plots that spin endlessly before reaching a point. Sigh. [4/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 98

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 98
Publication Date: June 2001

“Sonic Adventure 2” was a turning point for Sega’s iconic hedgehog hero. Whether or not it was a good one is endlessly debated. The first “Sonic Adventure” was flawed but still relatively well received. The quality of its sequel is less widely agreed upon. The game’s overreaching writing, questionable design decisions, and rushed release date set a sad precedence Sega has yet to shake.

“Sonic Adventure 2” also introduced Shadow the Hedgehog, an incredibly divisive character that paved the way for ten thousand recolors. It brought an “extreme” element to the series, featuring Sonic grinding and skateboarding. This attempt to make the hero look cooler just made him look geekier. These changes and more invited a younger audience to the franchise, that gave birth to the divided, contentious, juvenile Sonic fandom that exists today. The game itself is more mediocre then bad but I can’t help but see its overall influence on the series as negative.

All this ranting has little to do with Archie’s comic adaptation of “Sonic Adventure 2” which appeared in issue 98. When Archie adapted the first “Sonic Adventure” game, the comic book actually with that name didn’t show up until several months after the game was released. Perhaps Sega allotted Archie some time to fit the game’s plot into their comic? Whatever the reason, Archie wasn’t given that leeway with “Sonic Adventure 2.” The adaptation rolled out the same month as the game, June of 2001. Because of this, the adaptation appears totally without context. It doesn’t merely interrupt the current story line. It exists totally outside of it, no explanation being given for when these events are happening. It’s clear that Sega wanted their “Sonic Adventure 2” adaptation when they wanted.

This approach is frustrating but only so much. I probably couldn’t handle another multi-issue story arc awkwardly fitting the game’s story into Archie’s world so soon. Since Station Square is already established, fewer leaps are necessary to insert “Sonic Adventure 2” into the comic. The President of the World becomes the President of Station Square. G.U.N. simply becomes Station Square’s police force, instead of some sort of world-wide military organization. Robotnik stumbles into Gerald Robotnik’s laboratory while fleeing from Silver Sonic II, this sudden addition to his family history being quickly referenced in dialogue.

In some ways, Karl Bollers’ “Sonic Adventure 2” even improves on the game’s script. Instead of everyone stupidly mistaking Shadow for Sonic, despite the two looking nothing alike, overly dark videography is responsible for the confusion. Instead of Rouge the Bat’s somewhat convoluted motivations from the game, she’s simply hired by the President to retrieve Station Square’s Chaos Emerald. Not all of Bollers’ additions are welcomed. A detective named Mr. Moto adds little and the anime boy band strike squad sent to retrieve Sonic is awfully silly.

In the end though, “Sonic Adventure 2” can’t overcome its status as a hastily produced game adaptation. Like I said, no explanation for how these events affect life in Knothole is given. The Freedom Fighters do not appear. Instead, Sonic is grabbed by G.U.N. and carried to Station Square. We have no idea how this fits into Bollers’ current story line. Robotnik’s motivation, or even the exact nature of Robotnik’s plan, isn’t expounded on. Shadow has no personality in this appearance, simply existing to motivate the plot.

And then, of course, it just ends. Sonic is only a few minutes into “Sonic Adventure 2’s” story, pursued by an angry Mac truck, when the issue concludes. There was no way to fit “Sonic Adventure 2’s” entire plot into one comic book. Instead, we get an Archie-ifed prologue and a bit of the actual game. Then an editor’s box informs us to buy the video game if we want to know the rest of the story. This does not, of course, explain how the rest of “Sonic Adventure 2” fits into the Archie-verse. It also confirms that this issue you just read isn’t an actual story. Instead, it’s nothing more then a commercial for Sega. Which is, you know, disappointing.

With this knowledge intact, “Sonic Adventure 2” becomes a showcase for Patrick Spazinate’s artwork. Which is pretty fucking rad. The action is highly dynamic. Robotnik fleeing from Silver Sonic, Shadow’s fight with the robot, and Sonic’s escape from gun leap off the page. His snowboard assisted race through Station Square is clearly the centerpiece of the issue. The hedgehog’s leap from the helicopter and subsequent ride through Station Square is gorgeous to look at. There’s even some more dramatic work, such as Shadow’s night time robbery of Station Square. The coloration is a little off and Spaz’ anime excesses don’t always work. But the way the book looks is still obviously its best attribute.

The half-ass attempt to adapt “Sonic Adventure 2” doesn’t end with the cover story. The back-up is a rushed journey through Shadow the Hedgehog’s origin. We see Dr. Gerald floating aboard the ARC satellite station and learn why and how he created Shadow. Maria appears, establishes her connection with Shadow, and then dies. We then rush further through Gerald’s work with the government, all in the name of setting up the video game’s plot.

“As the Shadow Awakes!” plays into Ken Penders’ worst tendencies as a writer. Dr. Gerald speaks exclusively in exposition. When aboard the ARC, he goes on and on about his objectives. In speech bubbles above his head, he expounds in great detail upon his intentions and plans. It’s not limited to one character. All the G.U.N. soldiers and scientist also speak in strangled exposition, going on endlessly about their plans. It’s super boring to read.

As an origin story for Shadow, “As the Shadow Awakes” is especially lame. You know why? Shadow is barely in it! He appears as a pair of cartoon eyeballs, watching helplessly why Maria is gunned down by the government stooges. We catch a glimpse of a hand or leg in a stasis tube or as he climbs aboard the escape pod. Once again, we get no understanding of his personality, his quirks, his wants, needs, or thoughts. Ken seems more interested in Gerald, truthfully. The story concludes with Shadow off-screen, the character stored away, waiting for the video game to start.

Considering how full of holes “Sonic Adventure 2’s” plot was anyway, I’m grateful Archie didn’t stretch this out for half a year. Shadow and Rouge would eventually become relatively important characters but their first appearances is underwhelming. Overall, Spaz’ bitchin’ artwork aside, it’s a deeply lame affair, something tossed out quickly to fill a mandated deadline. But at least it’s short. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 97

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 97
Publication Date: May 2001

Issue 97 of “Sonic the Hedgehog” is not an especially memorable or well-regarded entry in the Archie series. However, it is notable for one thing. This issue was featured in a Guinness World Record book. Some time ago, Archie’s “Sonic” series broke the record for a somewhat specific superlative. It became the longest running comic book based on a video game. It was the first of many surprising records the comic has broken over its unprecedented run. With issue 108, it would surpass Marvel’s original “Star Wars” book as longest running licensed comic. Most recently, it became one of the longest running comic books to never be re-numbered. Who would have thought such a humble series would have earned such a prominent place in comic history?

Anyway, the plot. After his attempt to enter Robotropolis to rescue Uncle Chuck was blocked by the royalty, Sonic thinks up an alternative. He dresses himself in black and decides to sneak into the city under cover of darkness. He follows Geoffrey St. John and the Secret Service as they make their own quest into the city, to recover the Sword of Acorn. Both parties are captured soon afterwards, forcing an uneasy alliance. Meanwhile, Robotnik and Snively have ominous plans for the Kintobors.

Too often during the comic’s lamest run, Karl Bollers’ strategy was to throw a bunch of different story ideas into the comic, developing them as he went along. His most recent “Maybe this one’ll stick!” idea is the Sneak, the closest thing Sonic has to a superhero alter ego. It’s not an especially clever design. The version Spaz drew on the cover looks neat but the interior costume makes this look like Ninja Sonic with Karate Chop Action. Moreover, the persona’s role in the story is mostly unnecessary. Sonic sneaks into the city to avoid St. John but encounters him anyway. They then get captured, spend a few hours behind bars, and escape. Nothing is recovered, learned, or gained. Sonic would never don the Sneak outfit again, making this an even more wasted concept.

The Sneak ostensibly serves one purpose: So Geoffrey won’t recognize Sonic when the two get tossed into the pokey together. Mostly, this just makes St. John seem really bad at his job. It’s not like the costume disguises the hedgehog’s distinctive silhouette. There’s also no indication that Sonic alters his voice. Then again, St. John hasn’t been showing a lot of confidence here of late. There was his totally ineffective investigation last issue. Here, he continues to hold a petty grudge against the hedgehog. He belittles Sally for no reason and is rude to his superiors. After entering Robotropolis, Geoffrey immediately gets his team captured. They only escape because the villain lets them. I’m not sure why Elias and the King have any faith in this guy.

After discarding it for an issue, Bollers remembers Snively’s family is still in this book. We finally get a glimpse at what the doctor’s plans are for his relative. Eggman seemingly brainwashes and sedates Cheddermund, the absurdly named scientist that followed the Kintobors around space. What he plans to do next remains to be seen. That Colin and his family have yet to suspect anything seems unlikely, considering how obviously evil Robotnik and Snively are. But, once again, at least this dragging plot line is finally going somewhere.

Other elements of Robotnik’s scheme succeed only due to the incompetence of his enemies. After the Secret Service is captured, each one is taken and interrogated. While Heavy and Bomb are off-screen, Robotnik re-programs the robots, who then bust the others out. Despite those two obviously being machines susceptible to such things, Geoffrey and the gang never question this turn of events. They even know that something funny is up, as the skunk points out that Robotnik never interrogated them, just moved them temporarily to another room. Because, once again, St. John sucks at the spying business.

Two different artists draw this story. Sadly, neither are up to the standards set by Steven Butler and James Fry. Nelson Ribeiro returns to pencil the first half. There’s less hideous facial expressions this time but everyone still looks off-model. Snively looks especially disturbing during his brief appearance. The giant hands and feet are still present and the action is flat. Harvey Mercadoocasio draws the second half. His work is slightly improved over his previous illustrations. His characters never veer horribly off-model and his sense of motion is okay. But everyone is mostly undefined. Heavy, in particular, looks like a tin can while Mercadoocasio forgets to draw Bomb’s legs. Instead, the bigger robot carries the smaller one around in a weird fanny pack.

As exhausting as the recent cover stories have been, Ken Penders’ Knuckles back-up story still wins the dubious distinction of most tiring current plot. As promised last time, Chaos Knuckles and Turbo Tails fight. Six of the story’s seven pages are devoted to the scuffle. The characters reveal some deeply inane new powers. Tails’ tails have become totally prehensile. Knuckles, meanwhile, can shoot fuckin’ laser beams from his eyes. After the echidna cold-cocks the fox, he teleports towards Julie-Su, something he probably should have done sooner. There’s nothing this installment does that couldn’t have been accomplished a while ago. I’m starting to become numb to Ron Lim’s shittiness but his artwork here remains flat.

You might be wondering why Tails is in this story at all. Which is a good question! In the final pages, Ken reveals the nonsensical reason for bringing the Chosen One plot up again. After Turbo Tails gets his ass kicked, Athair and Merlin wonder why. Instead of assuming the fox’s inexperience was his undoing, this plot bomb gets dropped on us. This isn’t Tails, not the real one anyway! At some point, Tails was swapped with an identical impostor. Instead of developing this shocking turn, Athair’s floating head zaps him back to Knothole and thinks nothing of it. What the fuck?

Things look grim. Both the cover story and the back-up continue to spin their wheels in the air, resolving nothing and barely building on their respective plots. Some mediocre artwork and a dumb twist or two is enough to push this one down to a [4/10], a rating that hasn’t been rare here of late.