Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 150

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 150
Publication Date: June 2005

This is it, guys. The issue of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic that nearly caused me to abandon the book, a series I had been reading regularly for over a decade at this point, that I consider an enormous cornerstone of my nerdiness. It’s not really the fault of issue 150, though it is a very flawed comic. Instead, I was simply fed up with the comic, coming off the super shitty “The Good, the Bad and the Unknown” arc and several years of disappointing stories. After reading this mediocre issue, I actually stopped reading for about two months before deciding life was too weird without Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog”  in my hand every month.

In Knothole, romance is in the air. Sort of. Sonic is hitting on Mina Mongoose, who is tempted but rejects him because of Ash being her boyfriend. He hits on Amy Rose, who is weirded out by his direct language. The hedgehog’s horny ways eventually hit pay dirt, when Tails walks in on Sonic and Bunnie making out. Moreover, Sonic is doing heroic deeds solely for rewards. There’s a reason for this: Sonic isn’t Sonic. Instead, Anti-Sonic has kidnapped the real deal and switched places with him.

I think “Hero to Zero in No Time at All” – another one of those elegant Ken Penders’ titles – reveals what an incompetent villain Anti-Sonic is. Somehow, it took the guy 139 issues to think of stealing Sonic’s identity, even though that’s the most obvious scheme an evil copy can enact. After slotting himself into the heroic hedgehog’s life, what evil act does he commit? Murder Sonic and his friends? Sabotage the Freedom Fighters? Sell Knothole out to Robotnik? Nope! Instead, he grabs free food and hits on chicks until he gets laid. (Sonic and Bunnie awake in the woods, in each other’s arms. There’s no way you can convince me they didn’t fuck.) What’s especially dumb about this is how nobody questions why Sonic is acting like a horny douchebag. Not Tails, not Sally, not any number of other people who have known him their entire lives.

This shows a serious lack of understanding of the characters. Considering Ken Penders has been the main writer on this book for a multitude of years, you’d think he would know better too. Then again, Penders seems to think that Sonic being a love-em/leave-em type is canon so I guess the others have no reason to notice how weird he’s acting. Writing like this is one of the reasons why detractors deride the comic as “furry soap opera melodrama bullshit.” Sonic, even a villainous copy of Sonic, trying to seduce nearly every woman in his life is a story that probably has no business being in this book. The hedgehog getting lucky with Bunnie of all people – who has never shown any romantic interest in him – shows a further misunderstanding of these characters Ken has lived with for a long ass time.

It’s almost as if Ken really wanted to write a story about Sonic screwing around on all the girls who like him and some that don’t. The Anti-Sonic angle is probably the laziest way to accomplish this story. By bringing up the Mirror Mobius, Ken also quickly tosses another recent plot point under the rug. You want to know why Antoine has been acting like a shit head for a while? Cause he’s also been replaced by his evil counterpart! Apparently Karl Bollers intended Antoine’s personality change to be good old fashion character development. This disagreement with Penders was one of many that would lead to Bollers’ upcoming exit from the book. To add further insult, this nugget about Antoine has no other effect on the plot.

I guess Ken figured romance should be in the air for some reason, as “Hero to Zero” features a subplot involving Rouge the Bat. Hoping to snipe Nack the Weasel’s attempt to steal Angel Island’s magical emerald, she heads for the Island. Rouge meets Locke and begins to seduce him. This plot goes nowhere, as Archimedes teleports Rouge away before the date goes too far. I have no idea where – if anywhere – this subplot is going. Christ, it’s almost as if Ken just wanted his self-insert Locke to get a hot girlfriend or something.

The back-up story concerns events of actual important. In the conclusion of “The Chosen One,” Mammoth Mogul is ready to destroy the Perpendicular Zone, wiping out the multi-verse and the ten thousand Tails contained within. The prime Tails bravely heads out to face the god-like villain. Mogul immediately attempts to de-atomize the fox. Sonic leaps in the way, taking the shot. This activates Tails’ Chosen One powers. He absorbs all of the other Tails, becoming a giant named Titan Tails. He quickly defeats Mogul, stripping him of all his powers. Using the last of his immense strength, Titan Tails restores the multi-verse.

Part two of “The Chosen One” is responsible for another notorious bit of Archie Sonic lore. I’m talking about, of course, Titan Tails. The character design is, indeed, quite unfortunate. Most of the super forms in the Sonic-verse are just like the regular characters but a different color or something. Titan Tails, meanwhile, is a giant and super-buff version of Tails. The contrast is somewhat disturbing. Seeing the normally boyish Tails have his features grafted onto “Pumping Iron” era Arnold Schwarznegger’s body is hugely off-putting.

Once you overlook the monstrosity that is Titan Tails, “The Chosen One: Part Two” is as about as satisfying as this story could be. Tails being motivated by Sonic’s pain add some minor emotion to the story. Tails’ powers, defeating a god-like Mogul in minutes and undoing all the damage he incurred, are pretty impressive. Tails giving away his powers willingly, in order to save millions of lives, is a nice touch. Pretty much no pay-off to the Chosen One arc could’ve been one-hundred percent satisfying, after so many years of build up. But Romy Chacon does alright.

Art Mawhinney draws the entire issues and, as always, it’s good work. I love how bizarre some of the alternate universe Tails are during “The Chosen One.” He does what he can with Titan Tails, a truly poor design. As for the cover story, his clean lines and expressive faces are a benefit. The flashbacks, detailing Anti-Sonic trading places with the real deal, bring some obvious humor to the proceedings. Though, I’ll admit, Art doesn’t quite have a grasp on Rouge’s design. (And considering the obvious amount of sex appeal in the story, Steven Butler probably would’ve been a better choice.)

As far as anniversary issues go, #150 is definitely underwhelming. The conclusion to the Chosen One plot point occurring in this issue was a good choice. But devoting the 150th cover story to Evil Sonic sexually manipulating some of the series’ female players? That was a weird-ass choice. I don’t even like Spaz’ cover much, which is about as generic as a “Sonic” cover can get. Still, it sucks less then “The Good, the Bad and the Unknown.” That was the metric to measure the book by in 2005. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 149

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 149
Publication Date: May 2005

With issue 149, “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown” finally concludes. When this story arc was originally published, to me, it felt like the plot went on for most of the year. In truth, it only lasted four months. However, this one was enough of a clunker – combined with a general decline in quality in the series – that I nearly quit reading the book over it. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Let's get this over with.

Deep in the mysterious Kintobor's underground complex, Sonic, Shadow, and Metal Sonic continue their hyper-macho throw down/pissing contest. Their fight has unearthed a giant nuclear missile, which is about to go off. Rotor and the others continue to mill around the upper levels, looking for help. Somehow – I can't remember specifics – Uncle Chuck and Jules become aware of this strife, piloting a plane to rescue everyone. Will they make it in time? Take a guess.

The Sonic/Shadow/Metal Sonic three-way showdown – the main reason, I suspect, this entire story arc was written – concludes here. And in the most underwhelming fashion possible. Sonic defeats Metal by bopping him on the head, Bunny Foo-Foo style, and embedding him in the ground. This happens within the first few pages, ending that story line prematurely and awkwardly. Afterwards, Shadow outright admits that he doesn't know why he's fighting Sonic. In the tradition of so many comic book fights, the two immediately team up afterwards, realizing the nuclear missile about to go off threatens them both. That's the conclusion to this epic fight. What a let down.

One of many problems with this story arc has been the role the Freedom Fighters play. Tails, Rotor, Bunnie, Tommy, and Fiona have been milling about the underground facility. The whole time they haven't accomplished much, besides stumbling into a series of traps. Ken more-or-less admits how useless the gang has been because he has Chuck and Jules, out of nowhere, rescue them. About the only notable thing about their sequence is a moment when Fiona picks up a big ass gun, posing with it. Because Ken is always subtle with his commentary, Rotor immediately tells her to put it down because Mobians never use guns. Yet this single panel hints at the villainous personality Fiona would develop under Ian Flynn's pen.

Maybe the biggest sucking black hole in this story has been the character of Isaac. Ambiguously villainous but mostly just boring, he continues to croak up some of Penders' most banal dialogue ever. In the final pages of 149, Isaac reveals that the man who built him, this giant base, and the huge nuke inside is still alive. Yep, Kintobor – who brought the wrath of the Xorda down on Earth and is Robotnik's ancestor, in some way – sleeps in a stasis tube, awaiting reawakening. Of course, the subsequent writers didn't pick up on this thread. And who can blame them? Isaac and Kintobor are left buried underground after their own nuke goes off. That's where they fucking belong.

As promised last month, the back-up story finally steers the plot point of Tails being “The Chosen One” towards its conclusion. A casual game of Hide and Seek between Sonic and Tails is interrupted when Zonic the Zone-Cop pokes his head in. Sonic assumes he's the one being summoned. Instead, Zonic is after Tails. Mammoth Mogul is up to his old tricks again and everyone is hoping Tails can stop him.

Are you curious how long Archie screwed around with this “Tails is the Chosen One” bullshit? Since the first issue of “Tails” mini-series. Which was in 1995. Ten years before this issue. One of the reason I suspect this plot point sat on the shelf for so long was general disinterest. It's not like this series had a shortage of prophecies and contrived mythology. But after so many false starts and hints, it is satisfying for the comic to promise a quick conclusion to that particular prophecy.

There are one or two clever elements in the first part of “The Chosen One.” Mammoth Mogul, never as impressive he boasted about, finally becomes a credible bad guy. In this story, he graduates to a cosmic level threat. After getting a super dose of Knuckles' Chaos Power, the immortal has been going around the multi-verse, destroying alternate realities. He's powerful enough to swat a whole legion of Zone Cops away, which is mildly impressive. Zonic's solution to this problem is mildly clever as well. He knows Mogul fears Tails. So he stacks the deck, by recruiting hundreds of Tails from across the multi-verse. (Including such delightful variations as Darth Maul Tails, Benjamin Franklin Tails, Clown Tails, Buff Tails, Pregnant Tails, Care Bear Tails, and Metrosexual Tails.) It's not a bad story, even if it still spends two pages recounting prior events.

Two of Archie's most reliable artists draw both of these stories. Steven Butler drew all of “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown” and his artwork was usually the story's sole positive attribute. But he appears to be having a slightly off-day in 149. A couple of times, Sonic, Shadow, and Metal seem to be a little flat. The action doesn't pop like it usually does. Though it's still a decent looking story. Art Mawhinney draws “The Chosen One.” Mawhinney's doubles down on the cuteness, which works with fine with the room full of Tails or the opening scene, which details a “Spider-Man” themed Sonic reality. When showing Mogul destroying whole worlds, it's less suitable. But Mawhinney always does good work so I can't complain.

The back-up story isn't bad. It manages to push the whole issue's rating up one. Not that it would've taken a lot to improve over the cover story. What should've been a one issue showdown between the hedgehogs and a hedgehog-like robot was stretched out for four tedious issues. Along the way, Penders set up some bullshit that was never going to pay off, probably even if he hadn't left the book. Another upside to this finally ending: I'm really looking forward to not having to write out “The Good, the Bad and the Unknown” again. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 148

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 148
Publication Date: April 2005

Dear readers, I feel like we can level with each other. When Archie first published the “Good/Bad/Unknown” story arc, I was barely reading the comic. At this point, I'd yank the issues out of my comic shop bag and skim them. So, in a way, this is the first time I've ever really read this story. What I remember of this one is a plot that went nowhere and got loaded down with exposition. I guess what I was really remembering was Issue 148, which certainly features both of those elements.

Last time, Sonic and the gang were left in precarious positions. Sonic, Shadow, Isaac, and Metal Sonic fell down a hole in the floor, accidentally activated by Tails. Rotor and the others, meanwhile, got caught in one of the complex's traps. The group was in the process of being electrocuted to death. Tommy immediately sets out to rescue the Freedom Fighters. Sonic, meanwhile, awakens in an underground tram way. There, his rivalry with Shadow continues while Metal gets a lecture from Isaac.

In my previous review, I characterized this four-parter as being an excuse for Sonic and Shadow, and to a lesser degree Metal, to fight. I still think that was a good summation of this arc. However, if that was Penders' goal, he screwed up on this one. Sonic and Shadow barely fight in issue 148. After running into each other on the underground tram way, Shadow briefly puts Sonic in a choke hold. By slamming on the bumper car's brakes, the darker hedgehog gets tossed into the dirt. And that's about it, as far as erinaceinae fisticuffs go. This really puts a damper on Steven Butler's awesome ability to draw fight scenes, which where the sole highlight of the last two issues.

Instead, most of the story is devoted to Isaac laying some heavy-handed exposition on us. For some reason, Metal Sonic is being civil to Shadow. He patiently listens, sitting in a roller coaster car with Isaac, as the shinier robot drones on. And on. And on. When Metal Sonic notices that Isaac's creator was named Kintobor, it causes the other robot to launched into an unending lecture about his origin. Ken even takes a page from the Christian Weston Chandler playbook, as Isaac's narration carries over panels depicting unrelated events. Instead of just saying “Yeah, Kintobor was the guy who dissected the Xorda ambassador. Afterwards, he built me and this underground lair to survive the apocalypse,” the robot delivers a monologue about Mobius' entire history. It's just the worst, you guys.

If that wasn't bad enough, Archie is still struggling with what to do with the other characters. I honestly don't why Ken had Tails and the Freedom Fighters join Sonic on this journey. All they've done is hang back while the hedgehogs fight. Maybe it was all a ruse, another attempt to make Tommy Turtle interesting. In this installment, Tommy saves Rotor and the gang by donning a rubber glove and smashing a circuit box. There's two problems with this. First off, considering how long they were being shocked, I'm pretty sure Fiona and the others are already dead. Secondly, drawing the pudgy, slow moving turtle in such a heroic light is unintentionally hilarious. This summarizes the Freedom Fighters' involvement in this story.

Archie continues to fill each issue with three stories. What's weird is the back-up tales are clearly set at a different period then the cover story. “Playing Around,” for example, is a total goof with no affect on anything. It shows Sonic and the others putting on a play for Sally and the orphans. Sonic clearly wrote the play himself, as its an ego-stroking account of a time he rescued Sally from Robotnik. That's pretty much it.

The humor in “Playing Around” mostly comes from the bizarre casting decisions Sonic made in his play. Only Sonic and Uncle Chuck play themselves. Only Big as Robotnik makes much sense. Rotor is Tails, Tails is Snively, Bunnie is St. John, Vector is a SWATBot, and – seemingly to throw a bone to the slash shippers – Knuckles is Sally. The cross dressing and fat jokes have limited appeal but “Playing Around” did make me laugh once. When somebody gets punched, Amy holds up cards with sound effects on them. Otherwise, there's little reason to check this one out.

Rounding out issue 148 is “Destiny's Child,” a story starring Tails. Sadly, the plot does not involve whether or not somebody is ready for this jelly. Instead, Tails is sitting in Knothole, wondering why everybody else has gotten their parents back but him. That's when a disembodied voice starts talking to him. Turns out the floating head of Athair has come calling again, informing Tails of his great destiny as the Chosen One. Before this conversation reaches any sort of point, Athair disappears again, leaving Tails and the reader greatly annoyed.

All “Destiny's Child” really accomplishes is to remind the reader about Tails' status as the Chosen One. Athair expounds on his first encounter with Tails in that Australian crater, that time he helped beat Mammoth Mogul, and that whole business about Tails being cloned. Throughout this, Athair mentions Tails' magician uncle Merlin, who the fox claims to have never met. This is either a plot hole or only the copycat Tails met Merlin. At this point, I can't be asked to keep this shit straight. “Destiny's Child” ends by promising that this Chosen One business will be resolved soon. God, I hope so.

How about that artwork? Steven Butler is still doing a pretty good job on the cover story, even if the script continues to disappoint. Nelson Ribeiro, who we haven't seen in a while, returns to draw “Playing Around.” Ribeiro's artwork has never been very good. His characters remain overly furry, soft, and squishy. The last one is drawn by a newcomer named Tim Smith 3. Smith's artwork strike me as what Dave Manak's drawings would look like if he was really into anime. It's okay but pretty angular and loose.

The title story continues to drag further and further into uselessness. The “Tails is the Chosen One” plot point returning hardly excites this particular reader. The middle story is cute but pretty dumb. Right now I'm counting down the days until we reach Ian Flynn coming onto the book in issue 160 because this period of Sonic is as dire as I remember. [4/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 147

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 147
Publication Date: March 2005

Recently, I theorized that Archie was putting such a heavy focus on Shadow the Hedgehog because Sega insisted the comic include more video game elements. Further proof comes along in the second part of the “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown” tetralogy. The third corner of this fightin’ triangle is revealed as Metal Sonic. Though a consistent adversary to Sonic in the games, the original Metal Sonic hasn’t appeared in the comics since the “Knuckles’ Chaotix” one-shot, roughly a million years ago. So his sudden reappearance in the book is a bit of a surprise, one Archie hyped up nearly as much as Shadow’s.

The Freedom Fighters split up inside the mysterious underground lair they have found themselves in. Tails and Tommy enter a control room, helplessly pressing buttons. Fiona has been left in some obscure corner, which Sonic, Rotor, and Bunnie quickly speed to. Metal Sonic, sent by Eggman to check shit out, tracks down Shadow and Isaac. The robot quickly starts to wail on Shadow and his friend. Before long, Sonic enters the fray, apparently just looking for a good fight.

I don’t know why Ken threw together this collection of characters. Sonic and Tails go on adventures all the time while Rotor and Bunnie fill the smart guy and brawler roles, respectively. But what do Tommy and Fiona add to this team? Seems like both got slotted into additional scientific roles, even though Rotor’s already on this mission. I suppose the writer was trying to boost those two, still relative new additions to the team. What ends up happening instead is a story with too many characters, the writer awkwardly attempting to find a role for everyone. This results in an unfocused script that leaps around too much, confusing and irritating readers.

Sega faithfuls love Metal Sonic, considering him one of Sonic’s most dangerous adversaries. I’ve never quite gotten the hype. As a robot, he’s defined by a one-note drive to destroy Sonic. In “The Heart of the Hedgehog” arc, Dan Fingeroth merged this with a more personable psychosis and a sarcastic streak, actually making Metal Sonic interesting. Ken attempts something similar here. The writer shoves some trash talk into the robotic hedgehog’s voice synthesizer. He refers to Shadow as “Bio-Trash” and repeatedly declares himself his superior. While that worked with the more humanized Metal Sonic 2.5, it’s an odd fit for this version of Metal Sonic, who just came off the assembly line. Still, it is slightly more interesting then Shadow’s boring friend Isaac.

Then again, maybe I’m overestimating Ken’s intentions. Because “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown” only really has one purpose: Getting Sonic, Shadow, and Metal Sonic into a big fight. Which the story gleefully leaps into. Metal Sonic floors Shadow with a telescoping extend-o punch. Shadow, in retaliation, swings him into a wall. There’s punches, leaps, tossed rocks, and rocket boosters to the face. Metal Sonic at least has a reason for fighting these guys. Sonic’s excuse for getting into the action – running off to join the fight just because he’s bored – reeks of lazy writing. It’s as if the Archie brass told the writer “We don’t care why they fight, just make them fight” and he delivered in as cynical a fashion possible.

Remember a while ago when Archie, for some stupid reason, gave the Off-Panel crew a five page story? Sure you do. Remember how I said they never did that again? I’m sorry, that was wrong. “The Edge of Parodies” is a self-indulgent bit of fourth wall breaking from Mike Gallagher and Dave Manak. Mike and Dave enter the Off-Panel universe, despite Sonic’s objection. Both quickly realize, as the writer and artist, they have control over the story as it happens. Dave and Mike immediately transform themselves into superheroes and spend the rest of the comic arguing about who has cooler powers. Sonic attempts to distract them with some old Badniks but it takes the editor stepping in, saying this bullshit is stupid and to stop it, to make the story end.

“This Side of Parodies” has one funny gag. Sonic recruits a bunch of Badniks from the original game – once regular cast members who haven’t been seen in years – to challenge Gallagher and Manak. Seeing Moto-Bug as a grouchy old man is mildly amusing. Otherwise, “This Side of Parodies” is another useless bit of ego masturbation for Manak and Gallagher. Without irony, both fictional stand-ins blame the other for the book’s sometimes shoddy quality. Manak says his art makes Gallagher’s rushed scripts awesome. Gallagher says his writing makes up for Manak’s sketchy artwork. Which doesn’t disguise the fact that this story is about the writers making themselves superheroes. Though I will say this much: Unlike “Better Read Than Dead,” at least Sonic has an extended role in this story. It’s not just about how awesome the comic’s creative staff is. Still, I can’t imagine excited kids, eager to read about Sonic the Hedgehog’s adventures, were much pleased by this.

Issue 147 wraps up with “Fox and the Hound.” Sonic is too busy adventuring to play with Muttski. Desperate for attention, the dog instead teams up with Tails for some playtime. The two proceed to play fetch, hopstocth, and go for a swim. During a game of hide and seek, Muttski starts to get aggressive towards Tails. Sonic intervenes and insists this is just a misunderstanding, as Muttski thought he was fox hunting.

“Fox and the Hound” has a promising idea. The story mentions Sonic’s ability to understand Muttski’s speech, a plot point the book has done nothing with since introducing it. Overall, seeing Tails and Muttski bond over their mutual status as Sonic’s ignored sidekicks is a cute idea. This could’ve built towards a “boy and his dog” scenario, Tails having a deeper bound with Sonic’s pet then the hedgehog ever did. Instead, “Fox and the Hound” is just build-up towards a really lame pun about fox hunting. It’s another Romy Chacon five pagers that wastes the potential inherit in its premise.

At least the art isn’t too bad. Steven Butler continues to do fine work on the cover story, even if his Metal Sonic looks a little weird. (And it’s disappointing that Isaac is drawn as a straight palette swipe of E-102 Gamma, right down to the number designation.) But Sonic, Shadow, Bunnie and the gang still look awesome, as does the action. Dave Manak’s artwork for “This Side of Parodies” is typical of Manak. However, his loose, angular style fits the story, misbegotten as it may be. Al Bigley continues to improve with “Fox and the Hound.” Tails and Sonic still look a little off at times but, for the most parts, Bigley is developing a style of his own: Jovial and cartoony without loosing track of the characters’ reality. A little more fine-tuning and he could’ve turn into a great “Sonic” artist. Disappointingly, he would only draw one more story for Archie before leaving the book.

Issue 147 is another collection of lame stories. “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown” reveals itself as nothing more then a mindless fight fest. (And I generally like fight fest!) “Fox and the Hound” could’ve been interesting if the writer had a little more faith in it. And “This Side of Parodies” was a terrible idea that shouldn’t have been in the book in the first place. The Dork Age continues, uninterrupted. [4/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 146

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 146
Publication Date: February 2005

Archie was prepared to double down on this Shadow the Hedgehog thing. In 2005, the black furred hedgehog anti-hero would appear on six covers, nearly half of the “Sonic” comics Archie would put out that year. I guess I can't blame them. The character was hugely popular with “Sonic” fans at the time, enough so that Sega would give Shadow his own video game the next year. (The debatable quality of that game would definitely leave its mark on both the character and the franchise.) Archie was probably just giving the fans what they thought they wanted but, in retrospect, it can't help but look like the book latched onto the aspects of the series that was trendy at the time.

Issue 146 begins a four-part story arc with the unwieldy title of “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown.” A random selection of Freedom Fighters – Sonic, Bunnie, Rotor, Tommy, Fiona – have tracked down the explosion they noticed last issue. They enter an underground cave, discovering a mysterious laboratory. At that point, Shadow confronts Sonic. He came to uncover some information about his origins but the two hedgehogs quickly get into fisticuffs.

The cover to issue 146 actually crosses out Sonic's name, replacing it with Shadow. This is fitting, as Shadow practically takes over the first part of “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown.” A good portion of the story is devoted to a flashback, showing Shadow tracking down the cave/lab after hearing a mysterious signal. Ken retroactively sucks the feeling out of last issue's “Shadows of Hope” by revealing that he literately believed Hope to be Maria. I guess his brain was scrambled following that fall? This appears to wrap up the bond between those characters, which is, you might notice, the only interesting thing Shadow had going for him at this point.

“The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown” - is it okay if I abbreviated that awful fucking title? - seems to be building towards some sort of convoluted mystery. Shadow discovers the underground facility after picking up on a mysterious signal, similar to something Dr. Gerald broadcast. Inside, he discovers a robot named Isaac, who looks like a gold-plated E-102 Gamma. The machine confusingly explains his origin or something, eventually revealing that he's thousands of years old. I couldn't care less about this bullshit. Does anyone care about this bullshit?

The only memorable thing about this particular comic is the big fight scene it opens with. We leap right into the action with no explanation. The issue begins with an impressive one-page spread of Shadow socking Sonic in the jaw. The two proceed to dodge, punch, and kick. The fight concludes when Sonic doses Shadow with a blast of water, cooling the antagonistic hedgehog down. Steven Butler draws part one of “TGTBTU” and his dynamic pencils suit this big action scene very well. It's easily the best thing about the story.

Archie sticks three stories into this one. “Out of Your Shell,” a vehicle for Tommy the Turtle, is stuck in the middle. Apparently Rotor and Tommy are cohabiting. Rotor promises the shelled reptile that they'll do something fun that day but Rotor gets called away by work. When he returns to the cabin, he discovers that the bored turtle has reorganized Rotor's notes and files. Instead of kicking him out like most OCD-riddled eccentrics would, Rotor promotes Tommy to his assistant and brings him along to his laboratory. 

Tommy the Turtle rejoined the land of the living awhile ago but the book still hasn't figured out what to do with him... Until now! But don't get excited. Tommy is now officially Rotor's lab assistant. The reptile hasn't shown much interest in science before this point. The character has been previously characterized by his slowness but now he's gained a quick wit, it appears. I don't know why Karl came to this conclusion, as the book has no shortage of brainy characters already. Tommy having a natural inclination towards organization seems especially random. Is a prime alphabetizer something the Freedom Fighters really needed? Beyond a lame script, “Out of Your Shell” features some lifeless art from Ron Lim.

Rounding out the book is “Circuit Me,” a five pager starring Sally and Nicole. While wandering around Rotor's lab, with Nicole in hand, Sally trips on some wire. Some sort of pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo ensues, causing Sally and Nicole to switch bodies. While the Princess is trapped inside the handheld computer, Nicole suddenly experiences having a flesh-and-blood body for the first time in her life. Rotor attempts to reverse this incident but it undoes itself naturally a few minutes later.

“Circuit Me' is an interesting idea. The book has done the body swap premise before, back in Sonic Super Special: Issue 12. But sticking a computerized program into Sally's body is a little more complex. Suddenly, Nicole is feeling things that were literally beyond her a few minutes earlier. She's smelling, seeing, and even picks up on Sally's love for Sonic. A computer learning to be human Mobian is a fascinating idea. Sadly, the story is far too short to truly build on this concept. The set-up takes three pages, only leaving two to really explore the connotations. It's disappointing but this story would, in a round about way, set up Nicole's forthcoming transformation into an actual character. Al Bigley draws this one and he's showing signs of improvement, clearly taking some cues from Steven Butler (Good!) and Jon Gray (Ehhhhh).

That final story showed some potential but there's little else to recommend about issue 146. The first part of “The Good, the Bad, and the Unknown” is not promising. I'm dreading drudging through the next three parts of this thing. The middle story continues to struggle to find a purpose for Tommy Turtle. At least two of the three stories have okay artwork. The mediocre years continue to slowly slide by us. [5/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 145

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 145
Publication Date: January 2005

Rumor has it that, following the release of “Sonic Adventure 2,” Sega began to make more demands of Archie. Specifically, they demanded that the comics incorporate more elements from the recent games. This, combined with “a zillion readers' request” as Ken puts it, surely had an influence on the direction the book would take in 2005. Issue 145 heavily features fan favorite Shadow the Hedgehog, almost to the point of pushing Sonic out of his own book. This issue would be a precursor to a much hyped four part arc revolving around Shadow. Whether or not you enjoy this shift of direction was strictly a matter of taste. So let's get on with it.

The book opens, not with Sonic, but with Shadow. In “Shadows of Hope,” the mysterious hedgehog spies on Hope, as the young girl still reminds him of his lost Maria. Shadow's snooping is interrupted when Locke teleports next to him. He nabs the hedgehog, unknowingly grabbing Hope as well. Locke hopes to use Shadow to protect Angel Island, now that Knuckles is traveling the world. This plan doesn't go so well.

Yeah, I loved Shadow the Hedgehog the first time I played “Sonic Adventure 2.” I was twelve years old when that game came, right in the character's target demographic. I was susceptible to Shadow's “edgy,” “extreme” attitudes. My fascination with Sega's new bad boy proved short-lived. Archie Comic's awkward attempt to incorporate Shadow into their book would reveal how shallow a character Shadow is. Grasping for straws, “Shadows of Hope” builds on the black hedgehog's fascination with Hope. This is a good idea, as its his sole shred of humanity. However, it's not quite enough to build a story on and “Shadows of Hope” quickly runs out of energy.

A big problem is that Archie's writers didn't seem to have much faith in Shadow. Neither the hedgehog nor Hope truly drives the plot of this one. Instead, Ken's pet character Locke is the real protagonist of “Shadows of Hope.” Like always, Ken writes the former Guardian as a hyper-competent bad-ass. He even narrates the story. Despite being an old man, he zips in and easily grabs Shadow, one of the most powerful characters in the 'verse. Later, he puts a judo flip on the guy and pins him in the air with his Chaos Powers. (Which he notes aren't as strong as Knuckles' but are still a force to reckon with.) Truthfully, Locke is acting like a bad guy, detaining people against their will for selfish reasons. Like always, Ken can't recognize that and instead treats the old man like some sort of neutral force, instead of the prick he is.

Another reason you can tell “Shadows of Hope” is a Penders' joint is the stiff dialogue. For some reason, he writes Shadow like an alien or robot or something. He says unbelievable things like “Identify yourself or else be considered a foe!” and  “I am not bathed in the warm, soothing nutrients...” Other characters have clunky dialogue, as Locke says “You're neither biological, mineral nor vegetable!” And Hope later flatly states her emotions with  “I'm more scared of you than I am of him!' Among this super stiff dialogue is one genuinely emotional moment. When Locke corners Hope, Shadow gets a flashback to Maria's death. Triggered like Rambo in the police station, the hedgehog leaps free of his prison and attacks Locke. It's a powerful moment but the story just ends afterwards, Shadow flying away, barely affected by what just happened to him. Lame.

Karl Bollers' sole contribution to this issue, “Training Day,” sadly does not star Denzel Washington. Instead, the five pager is devoted to Robotnik educating his robot army about the Freedom Fighters. He lays some basic facts about Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy Rose – including her oft referenced but rarely displayed aptitude with tarot cards – on his robot soldiers. Why Robotnik has to tell robots these things instead of just programming the information into them is a question I do not have an answer to.

Archie has done this kind of thing before. A totally needless refresher course about the characters and their world. Usually I assume a story like this crops up to inform new comers to the book. Maybe the editorial staff figured Shadow's reappearance in the book would attract a new audience? If so, why is “Training Day” devoted to basic facts about the Sega created stories? Wouldn't an info-dump about Sally, Bunnie, and the rest of the Archie exclusive crowd have been a better choice? Sega fans are already familiar with Sonic, Tails, Knuckles and Amy. (Who is still a bit player at this point, it must be sad.) So I don't know why “Training Day” exists. It's a useless story.

Issue 145's final story, “Harbinger,” is the first time the flesh and blood Sonic appears in this particular issue. It follows a laid back day in Knothole being interrupted by a sudden blast many miles away. After Rotor informs the others of this, Sonic and Tails blast off to investigate. Turns out, Shadow the Hedgehog has something to do with the explosion.

“Harbinger” was written, I suspect, as a “day in the life” kind of story. One of those tales not meant to have much plot but instead focus on the characters as they go about their day-to-day life, doing average stuff. So we see Sonic play a game of darts with Ash, with Mina, Bunnie, and Amy watching. We see Tails reading a book and having a chat with Rotor and Tommy, who has apparently become his assistant. There's even a detailed series of panels devoted to Sonic packing his bag for this latest journey, because going on adventures is part of Sonic's daily life too. Conceptually, I like the idea but the execution is lacking. There's no through line between these events, the scenes just piling on top of each other. It seems less like a normal day in Knothole and more like a series of unrelated events.

Not all the character beats work either. Sonic and Ash nearly coming to blows over a barroom dart game makes both seem like overly macho meatheads. Everyone just standing around and watching, dispassionately, doesn't speak very well of his friends either. It suggests Ash is jealous of Sonic which is annoying, since that subplot is dead and buried. A later scene has Tails yelling at Rotor for not immediately including him on a mission. Again, Tails being insecure as a Freedom Fighter is a plot point long since settled. At the end, Sally bids Sonic an awkward farewell at the airport, both secretly still feeling something for the other. This idea has promise but the overwrought thought balloons really sinks it.

Issue 145 features a very uneven, mostly bad, collection of art. Ron Lim draws the Shadow-centric opener. It's a little better then his usual work, as Lim finally seems to be acclimating to these characters some. Yet there's still some serious cases of blank facial expressions and noodle limbs. Hope looks especially awful in Lim's style. Al Bigley draws “Training Day.” He draws the story as static images of Sonic and friends, Robotnik's floating head narrating over them. It's not an uninspired look. Dawn Best returns for “Harbinger.” It's not her best work as Sonic looks overly round and cutesy. Best has a bad habit of not drawing necks, characters' heads just floating on their shoulders. Yet it's still, clearly, the best artwork in this particular issue.

2005 wasn't off to the best start. “Shadows of Hope” and “Harbinger” both have potentially interesting elements but neither work entirely. “Training Day” is utterly useless. Seems like the previous year's slump isn't intending on ending any time soon. [5/10]

THE 2004 SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COMIC BEST/WORST LIST!

2004 is another year that is not well regarded by Archie “Sonic” fans. It marked the second time fandom elder statesman Dan Drazen refused to award any story a “Best” title, instead devoting his year end retrospective to a “From Bad to Worst” list. The year saw the once promising “Home” story line fizzle out badly and the “Mobius: 25 Years Later” arc drag on endlessly. 2004 also brought the returns of Tommy Turtle and Hunter, two characters nobody wanted to see again. Most notoriously, it was also the year important romantic relationships dissolved. Bunnie and Antoine separated for seemingly no reason while Sally abruptly severed her relationship with Sonic in the worst way possible.

I remember 2004 being an especially bad year for the comic as well. This was truly the year my passion for the series started to fade. Yet, going back to it, 2004 was actually slightly less shitty then I remember. No doubt there were many bad writing decisions in 2004 but most veered towards “mediocre” than “terrible.” I'm now thinking 2005 was the year many of these shitty plot choices blossomed but I suppose we'll cover that in due time.

Anyway, the “Sonic” material covered in this retrospective is as follows:

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 132-144

BEST COVER STORY:
Romy Chacon, "Robo-Dyne Systems" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 137)

The decision to retcon Tommy Turtle back into existence was such a terrible one that it pains me to award part of the so-called “Tommy Trilogy” the Best Cover Story prize. Despite getting top billing, the flesh-and-blood Tommy would only appear in one issue in 2004, his role remaining small for now.

Look past the annoying Tommy Turtle factor and “Robo-Dyne Systems” emerges as a solidly entertaining action story. For the first time in far too long, we see the Freedom Fighters as a unit, sneaking into a building and fucking up Robotnik's shit together. The story finds a purpose for each character. There's even an easily predicted but nevertheless entertaining fake-out, involving Robotnik's army of “infiltrators:” robotic doubles of the hero. Most importantly, Chacon's script takes the time to acknowledge the emotional tension in the room, Sonic/Sally and Antione/Bunnie attempting to argue out their problems. All of the above counts for something in a year like 2004.

WORST COVER STORY:
Karl Bollers, "Home - Epilogue: Say You Will" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 134)

This issue had some other ideas contained in it – elaborating on some of the changes in the “Home” arc, somewhat awkwardly – but none of them fucking matter. Issue 134 contains the Slap Heard Around the Fandom. I don't hate this issue just because I've been a hardcore Sonic/Sally shipper my entire life. (Though it's certainly a big reason why.)

The Slap represents everything that was wrong with the book's treatment of Sally at the time. She wasn't in the field very often, mostly being forced to stay at home. She spent far too many panels crying over Sonic. Her personality was entirely neutered, transforming from a willful, highly intelligent field leader to a short-tempered, whinny, clingy bitch. It's a change Karl had been pushing towards for quite some time. This awful story would be the defining moment for the comic for years afterwards. For these reasons and more, “Say You Will” is the worst cover story of 2004.

BEST BACK STORY:
Romy Chacon, "I Wanna Be a Freedom Fighter" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 142)

With issue 143's “Father's Day,” Ken Penders came close to winning this award. While that story was the most emotionally honest thing Ken had written in some time, I still liked “I Wanna Be a Freedom Fighter” more.

The story delivered some long overdue character development for Amy Rose. Showing us how far she's come and emphasizing her newly gained ass-kicking abilities without loosing the girly roots of the character, this one finally makes Amy seem like an important character in the book. It's a change that should've come a hundred issues ago but better late then never.

WORST BACK STORY:
Romy Chacon, "Patience" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 136)

Knuckles the Echidna spent far too much of 2004 whining about his loss of Chaos Powers. “Patience” was probably the peak of that incessant whining. Instead of focusing on how much his personality has changed over the years – from hot-headed and gullible to more considered – the story harps on his lack of superpowers. This story also makes King Acorn look like a dick, for refusing to help liberate Angel Island. The last minute twist, that Knuckles' patience saved his life, lands with a thud.

BEST STORY ARC:
Ken Penders, "Mobius: 25 Years Later" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 132-144)

It's with a heavy heart that I present “Mobius: 25 Years Later” the Best Story Arc of 2004 award. The truth is there weren't very many story arcs from this year that were truly good. “25 Years Later” is widely loathed by the Penders' haters for its laborious pace, a boring threat that no one takes seriously, for reducing Sally and Julie-Su to house wives, and turning Sonic into kind of a jerk. These are all fair criticism that I agree with.

Having said that, I still really liked about a third of “25 Years Later.” Lara-Su emerges as a likable but fittingly impulsive young character. Knuckles' commitment to being a good father, to not repeating his own dad's mistakes, was extremely refreshing. Lien-Da's transformation into a strict mother was unexpectedly delightful. Honestly, there's something to be said for just watching these characters go about their lives, hanging out with friends and having dinner. The arc also included the emotionally ambitious “Father's Day,” a story that deserves kudos for being so personal. While filled with many of the same problems haunting Penders' works, “25 Years Later” often proved a better read than the main book during this year.

WORST STORY ARC:
Karl Bollers, "Return to Angel Island" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue  138-141)

Some fans really like “Return to Angel Island.” I can honestly say that I don't get it. The story line had too many characters, reducing the Chaotix, the Dark Legion, and even Sonic to bit roles. Knuckles' struggles with being hailed as the Avatar, a prophecized hero in Echidnan religion, was handled in the most ham-fisted fashion possible. Any ambiguity that plot turn could've had is tossed out the window at the end, when Knuckles randomly gets his powers back. For extra bogus value, the story brought Hunter back, presumably due to whatever the opposite of popular demand is. Far too much of this arc was focused on action scenes, which were difficult to follow thanks to Jon Gray's ugly, incoherent artwork. In short: I'm not a fan.

BEST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 134 - Patrick Spaziante

Giving issue 134 the Best Cover Art award was also a difficult decision, since I hated the story it contained so much. Then again, it's not Spaz' fault that he was drawing a cover for such a contentious story. A homage to “Amazing Spider-Man” #50, it depicts Sonic turning his back on Sally as she walks away, head bowed. The image is striking, Sally clearly distraught with her hair blowing beautifully in the wind. The use of color and speed lines certainly draw your eyes. It's rather obviously the best cover of the year. I just wish it was for a different story.

WORST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 139 - Patrick Spaziante

Beginning in 2004, and from time to time in the future, Spaz would affect a Sega style to his covers. I was never a big fan of this, as I'd prefer the comic to be its own weird thing. Spaz, god bless him, would sometimes create overly crowded or garish covers. Issue 139 is a good example of this. Julie-Su and Sonic, disconnected from each other, pose in a purple void. Dark Legion soldiers, one wielding a flame sword, one emerging from a storm cloud I think, stand near-by. For some reason, a giant Knuckles head takes up most of the background, obscured by the action in front. It's a really jumbled, ugly cover.

BEST STORY ART:
"Mobius: 25 Years Later - Dealing with the Devil" - Steven Butler (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 135)

Steven Butler – who had already proven himself as an excellent artist – really came into his own in 2004. His work on the “Mobius: 25 Years Later” arc showed Butler producing some of the best work he would draw for the book. Really, I could have singled out any number of stories. Issue 137's “Trouble in Paradise” and Issue 139's “Slumber Party” both stick out to me. However, I just adore the way Butler draws Lien-Da, so 135's “Dealing with the Devil' gets the honor. His great strength for facial expressions comes through in this story, which is mostly devoted to Lien-Da talking with her son. Despite that, this story is as dynamic as the most action packed tales.

WORST STORY ART:
"One Part Ooh-La-La and Two Parts Treachery" - Al Bigley (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 137)

My dislike of Jon Gray's style has been no secret and Gray's ugly, incoherent artwork from the fourth part of the “Return to Angel Island” arc very nearly earned the top spot in this category. However, for all his flaws, at least Gray knows how to draw the “Sonic” characters. Al Bigley, who provided the artwork for issue 137's atrociously entitled back story “One Part Ooh-La-La and Two Parts Treachery,” clearly does not.

Bigley's characters all have weirdly elongated torsos. Bunnie looks like a humanoid Barbie Doll with furry parts stuck on. His facial work isn't great. Characters' limbs are often overly gangly. Sonic, at one point, mashes into a hideously off-model collection of body parts. Tatiana, Antoine's childhood crush, makes her sole appearance in this story and Bigley's design for the tiger girl is as generic as can be. That the story looks so bad is a bummer, as a few changes would have made this pretty good.

BEST NEW CHARACTERS:
Dr. Finitevus

There weren't very many new characters introduced in 2004, with most of the new additions being instantly forgotten. There's a reason even obsessive Sonic fans never mention Riki-Le or Sir Peckers. To be one hundred percent honest, I almost gave this honor to Colonel Stripe, the leader of the Original Freedom Fighters. If that story arc hadn't been so rushed, Stripe could have emerged as an honorable, brave hero in his own right.

But sometimes fan popularity wins out. Dr. Finitevus, the albino echidna mad scientist who was introduced during the “Return to Angel Island” arc, would emerge as a clear fan favorite. I've never quite gotten the hype around Finitevus. He mostly strikes me as unremarkable mad scientist/religious zealot character, a weak replacement for Knuckles' arch-enemy now that Dimitri is reformed. I suspect he's popular mostly because his design is cool looking. But, out of the characters introduced in 2004, Finitevus is the only one that would have any sort of long-term impact on the book. Because of that, he deserves to win in this category.

WORST NEW CHARACTERS:
Prince Manik

On the other hand, there were several candidates for the Worst New Character. Do I go with Tatiana, Antione's petty and emotionally manipulative childhood girlfriend who shows up just to screw up his current relationship? Or Kage von Stryker, Helmut Stryker's incompetent son who mostly exist because Ken wouldn't let Karl use Helmut?

No, the clear answer is Prince Manik. The son of Sally and Sonic in the “25 Years Later” setting, Manik spends most of his page time being obnoxious. He has a crush on Lara-Su, which wouldn't be a big deal if he didn't pursue her in as creepy a manner as possible. He attempts to grope the girl in one panel. In another, he orchestrates a game of Spin the Bottle, just to get a chance to kiss her. When Manik isn't being sleazy, he's being loud and annoying. Even his own father doesn't seem to like him very much. Boys that age tend to be annoying, controlled by youthful hyperactivity and out of control libidos, but I wouldn't expect a kids' book to replicate that so faithfully.


BEST IDEA:
Those brief emotional moments

Most of the ideas in 2004 were bad ones, making the options for this field very limited. This was the best I could come up with. Occasionally, 2004 would slow down for a moment between cast members. Bunnie sniping at Antoine during “Home.” Sonic and Sally nearly arguing during the “Tommy Trilogy.” Julie-Su and Lien-Da's sibling rivalry coming to the surface in “Return to Angel Island.” The father/daughter moments between Knuckles and Lara-Su throughout “25 Years Later.” The “Love and Loss” story, taking the time to develop the various broken hearts around Knothole. It's not a lot. Allowing your characters to feel things, to express emotions with the people they care about, should be a basic story component. In a year as haphazard as this one, brief conversations is what I have to latch onto.


WORST IDEA:
Who sucked out the feeling?

It was evident that the people writing Archie's “Sonic” book in 2004 had no grasp on the emotional needs of the character. Sonic and Sally, despite just getting together a little over a year before, broke up in the most abrupt, melodramatic, out-of-character way possible. Antoine and Bunnie's sweet, genuine relationship would terminate off-panel.

The mismanaging wasn't limited to romantic subplots. Despite receiving a perfectly satisfying demise, Tommy Turtle would return from the grave, negating the entire point of his previous appearance. The potentially powerful story arc of Knuckles learning to accept his lack of super powers was railroaded when he got his powers back anyway. His reconciliation with his dad immediately hit another road bump. Even “Mobius: 25 Years Later” suffered from this, as the heroes responded to the news of another incoming disaster far too calmly.

The writers had no idea what they were doing and it resulted in too many stories where the characters' action lacked impact. It's as if someone sucked the heart right out of the comic.