Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.40: Zoobotnik

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.40: Zoobotnik

Original Air Date: October 8th, 1993

As I've pointed out before, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" contributed roughly a hundred new characters to "Sonic" lore, as the writers would often throw some random numbskull into the stew to generate a new story. Most of these characters were never seen again and are forgotten by all but the most hardcore "Sonic" obsessives. However, a few would become small-time cult favorites. The comics resurrected Von Schlemmer, Wes Weasly, and Breezie to minor acclaim. Breezie, being a female Sonic character, was already a point of fixation for a few fans. The other minor "AoStH" character to be fondly recalled by some psychos is Katella, for reasons that will become all too obvious in a minute. Her only appearance is in "Zoobotnik," an episode I'm not sure I've ever seen before. 

Fuzzy animal people and other assorted weirdos all over the planet Mobius are disappearing. Sonic at first dismisses this news as media sensationalism but changes his tune after Tails is snatched right in front of him. After Coconuts spies a UFO, Robotnik soon deduces that Katella the Huntress is responsible. She is an intergalactically renowned alien, who collects creatures from different planets and imprisoned them in a space zoo. Robotnik invites her to dinner in hopes of forming a partnership. This works too well, as Katella immediately falls in love with Robotnik, smitten with his evilness. She's actually too much woman for Robotnik to handle but he tasks her with catching Sonic anyway. Sonic soon realizes he can use Robotnik's psychotic would-be fiancée to his advantage. 

Mostly as a joke, I've made repeated comments about how "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" accidentally triggered a hundred fetishes in budding young furries, "Zoobotnik" suggests the fetish-y undertones were never an accident. Katella is a realistic looking cartoon woman, far more vividly animated than most of the show's characters. She's about seven feet tall with blazing red hair, Christina Hendricks-ian proportions, and a smoky voice. Her standard outfit is a low-cut jungle woman dress and blue high heels. Other costume changes include a bikini bottomed conga outfit and a low-cut wedding dress. Surprising absolutely no one, Katella has spawned a mountain of fan art, some of it rather clever, most of it way too thirsty to share here. 

The occasional horny character design is not totally unknown within nineties kids cartoons, because these shows were all drawn by lonely nerds. But Katella really takes it further than that. She's a thinly veiled dominatrix. The episode's central joke is that her affection for Robotnik is so overwhelming, she physically smothers him with attention. She's constantly beating him, sometimes unintentionally and sometimes intentionally, which he doesn't enjoy. More than once, she's depicted squeezing his head between her legs or putting him in a chokehold. A series of frames are focused on her heels, which trampled on Scratch and Grounder, who are transformed into a welcome mat. Robotnik even refers to her as an "Amazon" while Katella talks about "wrasslin'" with him. Her violent actions, collecting habit, sudden attraction to big fat stupid Robotnik, and domineering personality all make the sexual preferences of the people who made this episode clear. Kids would never catch this stuff but anyone with a passing familiarity with porn – so every adult alive now – would recognize the intent behind these moments. Yeah, the show runners definitely got horny on main with this one.

Wholly inappropriate horniness aside, "Zoobotnik" remains a very strange episode. Every single installment of "Adventures" features Robotnik being humiliated but this one is laser-focused on it. The central joke could have been funny, as Robotnik desires control but Katella undermines that at every turn. However, the show repeats this gag – a terrifying woman loving Robotnik so much, she kicks his ass every minute – until it loses all value. After a while, it just looks like the writers thought spousal abuse was inherently hilarious. (I was hoping we'd get a tin-earned "Sonic Sez" about domestic violence but, nah, the writers focus on an unrelated moral about being cautious around strange animals.) 

And it's not like we've never seen Robotnik emasculated by a frightening woman before... Something this episode is all too aware, as it ends with Momma Robotnik stepping in and fighting Katella. She doesn't want her son marrying some space bimbo, causing the two ghastly women in Robotnik's life to duke it out. Katella isn't willing to put up with such a horrid mother-in-law, bringing this episode to an end. (Sonic called Momma Robotnik, so he's partially responsible for resolving the story even if it mostly wraps itself up.) As if this episode couldn't get any more uncomfortable, we have an extended cat fight between two unnecessarily busty characters. Katella and Momma Robotnik represent opposite ends of the dominating woman spectrum, proven by Momma Robotnik ending the episode by spanking her son. But I really don't want to talk about this anymore. 

Anyway, let's change the subject please. Alien abduction was a point of cultural fascination in the nineties! Even before "The X-Files" got huge, abductee stories and Roswell conspiracies were common in that decade. "Zoobotnik" is this show's spin on that topic. Katella's saucer even resembles the infamous Phoenix Lights sighting that would occur in 1997. But an alien collecting other species is a not-uncommon sci-fi trope. (The Archie Sonic comics would do their own riff on the idea two years later.) While this is ostensibly the premise of the episode, the focus soon turns more towards Katella beating the shit out of Robotnik. We never even see Katella's zoo and the premise is really just an excuse to get this wildly out-of-place character on the show. 

The extreme weirdness of this episode continues throughout. The style of gags are a different breed of zaniness than usual. Sonic runs into a swami on a mountain and an obese Tarzan lookalike throughout the episode. The Mobians we see in this episode look like more traditional funny animal characters, very at-odds with this show's usual style. The character animation is, in general, far stretchier than usual. Katella bends Robotnik into all sorts of goopy shapes. Sonic and Tails stretch and squash and squat throughout in disturbingly vivid ways. While Katella is realistically animated otherwise, even she gets squished into a heart shape a few times. The final scene features Tails flying around with Sonic's ass clenched in his teeth, a gag that raises a number of extremely distressing implications. 

In other words, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" continues to find new ways to baffle me. This is another aggressively weird, off-putting episode that manages to be aggressively weird and off-putting in markedly different ways than the previously aggressively weird and off-putting episodes. I can see why it's memorable, even beyond the obvious fan service appeal of Katella. It's not like any other bit of "Sonic" media out there, even within this very odd iteration of the franchise. Even though I didn't enjoy this, on account of it making my skin crawl continuously through its twenty-minute run time, it's too unforgettable for me not to give it a middlingly positive score. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.47: Magnificent Sonic

(Before we get to tonight's review, I'm happy to announce that Hedgehogs Can't Swim is now an official affiliate of Archie Sonic Online! That's a fan continuation of the original Archie "Sonic" comics and, in my opinion, the best of all the similar projects. If you're reading this blog, you'll probably enjoy their work. Check it out!)

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.47: Magnificent Sonic

Original Air Date: October 7th, 1993 

Not too long ago, I was talking about how lots of nineties kids media parodied "King Kong," despite that being a movie the target audience of young children probably hadn't seen. Something else that was frequently referenced around the same time, by the same sort of shows, were western. As someone who was there, I can attest to this: Nineties kids didn't really give a shit about westerns. Yes, there were on television all the time, so we probably were familiar with the genre. Lots of us had dads who ate that shit up. But I never played cowboys and Indians with other kids my age. I didn't idolize John Wayne or Clint Eastwood. Ten-gallon hats and cap guns were not part of my play times. Only as an adult have I come to enjoy this particular genre, and usually of the spaghetti variety. Considering the western has become more and more of a niche thing in the intervening two decades, I'm going to say the oater has retreated even further from the forefront of pop culture.

But actual kids don't write kids show. Back in the nineties, they were mostly written by dudes in their forties. And boomers fucking love westerns. So my childhood landscape was filled with parodies of cowboy flicks. A good half of the Nicktoons and Disney Afternoon shows at the time riffed on the genre. Sometimes there were even whole shows based on westerns, such as oddities like "Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa" or "Santo Bugito." So, of course, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" did a western episode. Did you really expect the writers to think of an original idea for a script that day?

"Magnificent Sonic" is not a parody of "The Magnificent Seven," though it does vaguely resemble the Lone Stranger plot of films like "A Fistful of Dollars." Robotnik wants to destroy the desert town of Tranquil Gulch and build a casino in its place. He sends a robot gunslinger in to drive out the residents. Sonic happens by and saves the day. The town folks ask Sonic to become their new sheriff, which he reluctantly agrees to. Despite all his skills, Sonic is a lousy shot with a pistol. He has to use his other skills to save the town when Robotnik sends more trouble their way.

When doing a parody episode, "AoStH" usually just picks a theme and vaguely runs with it. "Magnificent Sonic," for what it's worth, actually does riff on many reoccurring themes of classic westerns. There's a stagecoach chase, a gorge for it to drop into, a saloon and a poker game. Hero and villain meet for a duel in the middle of the streets. There's a montage of people slamming their windows shut before shit goes down. The plot of Robotnik wanting to run off the locals and buy up the town recalls any number of villainous railroad lord plots. 

The episode even features a few surprisingly specific homages. Sonic dons a poncho, concealing a bullet deflecting mirror underneath, a direct callback to "A Fistful of Dollars." (Which was also referenced in "Back to the Future, Part III," so it was in the air at the time.) Robotnik assembles a league of robots with pun names based on classic frontier heroes, like Wired Earp or DOS Holiday. There's a predictable Lone Ranger shout-out at the end. The entire episode's plot even sort of resembles "Support Your Local Sheriff!" None of these parodies or references are especially funny but I have to give the show runners some credit for actually committing to the bit for once.

There is, potentially, a good idea contained within "Magnificent Sonic." Here's an episode where our hyper-confident hero discovers there's something he's not good at. Sonic is a sub-Stormtrooper level shooter. The best joke in the episode is that he literally can't shoot the broad side of a barn. Instead of building a story out of this, of Sonic confronting a flaw and working hard to overcome it, the show just sidesteps the whole issue. Sonic is good enough at everything else that he doesn't need to be a good shot. Fine, that makes sense. But they wasted the potential dramatic tension and character development.

Perhaps a reason the western declined as kids entertainment in the nineties is because this was also the decade of heightened gun safety awareness. Enough kids had been hurt or killed in gun related incidents that gun safety was a common subject in PSAs at the time. (Including a propaganda campaign from the garbage bags at the NRA.) Censorship often prevented realistic firearms from appearing in kids media. So it surprised me that there's so many gun jokes in "Magnificent Sonic." Yeah, everyone uses sci-if laser pistols, instead of normal six-shooters. But there's still a lot of firing and blasting here. There are three separate jokes were characters mimed putting a gun barrel to their heads and pulling the trigger. The "Sonic Says" segment, unsurprisingly, is focused on gun safety. It comes off as incredibly half-assed after twenty minutes of robots shooting and being shot at.

That's not the only inappropriate reference in this episode, as Sonic also plays a round of strip poker with Scratch and Grounder. It goes very literally – the robots disassemble themselves after every losing hand – but I was still surprised that term was even used in a kids cartoon. This is also one of the rare "Adventures" that gives Sonic a love interest. He gets pretty cozy with Miss Possum, the owner of the local saloon... Who also always wears fishnet stockings, a clothing choice more associated with another type of frontier businesswoman. She's not as oversexed as Breezie but only barely.

This episode also includes a bizarre sequence where Robotnik is wearing a hyper-realistic Sonic mask, destroying his own lab in his attempt to remove it. This show was fucking weird sometimes. Anyway, it's another middling episode but it definitely could've been worse. I'll give this one some points for that. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.01: Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.01: Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad

Original Air Date: October 6th, 1993

After reviewing twenty-two of these fucking things, I'm finally getting around to reviewing the first episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." Hey, this wildly out-of-order viewing cycle is not totally my fault. As previously discussed, local affiliates could choose to show the series in whatever order they wanted. (Presumably front-lining the episodes they thought were most eye-catching.) Even though "Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad" is obviously set up to be the first episode, I guess someone figured it was better served being towards the middle. Since I seek to replicate my childhood watching experience as closely as possible, this is the order I'm going with. I know, it doesn't really make any sense but I have to be me, you guys. 

Anyway! Even though "Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad" is the first episode of "Adventures," it begins like any other. Only after Scratch and Grounder have Sonic lassoed in a tree does the hedgehog begin to explain how the group first met. Some time ago, Robotnik designated Sonic as Mobius' number one fugitive. After a number of other robotic bounty hunters failed to capture him, Robotnik attempted to build Scratch and Grounder as the ultimate Sonic-catching machines. And the hedgehog has been humiliating them ever since. 

"AoStH" was not a series especially concerned with serial storytelling but "Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad" – I'm not typing out that full title again – does function as something of an origin story for the show. How much power Robotnik has over Mobius, whether he's a full-blown global tyrant or just a petty dictator trying to take over the world, is still vaguely defined. But we do learn that Sonic is technically a criminal, standing up to someone in power, and there's a price on his head for that reason. (That price is one billion Mobians, suggesting Mobius' exchange rate is really poor.) So that's why Sonic and Tails are always on the run. Where Sonic and Robotnik come from, and why the hedgehog has such a grudge against the fat man, remained unanswered and likely always will. But at least the show has something like an actual set-up now.

As the first episode produced, "SSSSASS" also sets up the pattern nearly every other episode would follow. Scratch and Grounder argue over who Robotnik values more. Their boss/creator demeans them. They put up some stupid trap to catch Sonic, that he easily outwits. In the course of that, the hedgehog dresses up in a disguise, fooling and humiliating his enemies. The repetition begins here and that extends to the series' running gags. Robotnik says he hates that hedgehog, Sonic says he's waiting, chili dogs are established as his favorite food. Even Coconuts and his desperate desire to earn Robotnik's favor is established here. Yes, the writers of this show really did come up with six jokes and then decided they would just repeat them for sixty-five episodes. 

If "SSSSASS" sets up all the jokes the show would run into the ground, it also provides us with an insight into the writers' comedic sensibilities. "Looney Tunes" is obviously the main influence here. One of Scratch and Grounder's main traps involves painting a cityscape on a wall, with the intention of fooling Sonic into running into it. Another gag has Sonic re-routing all of Coconuts' gun barrels to point back at him. Both are these are stolen from classic Coyote/Roadrunner or Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd shorts. Moreover, in the early scenes, you can see a sort of classical cartoon humor being utilized. Robotnik's emotions are exaggerated to humorous effect. When he says he hates Sonic, his teeth are clenched so hard, they shatter. A sign pops out of his head, further emphasizing the intensity of his feelings. These moments didn't make me laugh but they are actual jokes.

So the writers were trying to make something funny with this first episode... At least for the first couple sequences. Yes, in "SSSSASS," we see the show exhaust attempts at humor in real time and begin to rely more on just stupid, random bullshit. Recognizable gags soon degrade into Sonic just humiliating his incredibly stupid enemies in obvious, un-funny ways. Real absurdity gives way to lazy gross-out gags, such as a disturbing scene where Scratch and Grounder's giant, bulbous tongues remain on-screen for a full minute. Visibly noticing the showrunners trying to make something funny and then giving up within a few minutes ends up being more interesting than anything else in this program.

Another question "SSSSASS" answers is why Robotnik puts up with Scratch and Grounder's bullshit. These are the only characters that get definitive origins in this episode. After Sonic made scrap metal out of his horde of bounty hunters, Robotnik built Scratch as a super-intelligent and hyper-capable Sonic-hunting machine. He then created Grounder as a clone of Scratch. Obviously, something went wrong with every single one of those goals. Why Scratch is a big stupid dumb-dumb, and why Grounder looks nothing like him, is not explained. I guess the idea is that Robotnik isn't very good at making robots. But now at least we know why he hasn't scrapped them yet: These guys represent his best try. He doesn't want to junk what was suppose to be his masterpieces, even if they are clearly failures. 

"SSSSASS" – see, that's something I enjoy typing – is also notable in "Sonic" history in another minor way. Aside from being the first episode of the first ever "Sonic" cartoon, it would also directly contribute to one of the earlier video games. The gang of robot bounty hunters Sonic fights contains all of the various opponents from "Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine," the localization of Sega's "Puyo Puyo" puzzle game. And it's sort of funny that this video game, a certified cult classic of the "Sonic" franchise now, would elevate a handful of characters that barely have any dialogue. The only one of the future "Mean Bean" bosses who actually talks is a duck-looking robot in a skirt and Cable-esque shoulder pads that speaks with a vaguely effeminate voice. (The video game would eventually identify him as "Dragon Breath.") Even the two robots that look like a ballsack on wheels and a bicycle pump would end up in the game! It's just funny that characters who couldn't be more minor would be assigned names and personalities by another ancillary arm of this multi-media franchise. 

If it wasn't obvious, this super sassy episode is more interesting for its historical value than its actual content. We see "AoStH" try to be one show before accepting its fate to be another show and that's sort of fun. (If mildly depressing.) The more of this program I begrudgingly write about, the more convinced I am that a behind-the-scenes documentary about its production would probably be more interesting than the actual series. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.15: Too Tall Tails

 

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.15: Too Tall Tails

Original Air Date: October 5th, 1993

Here's another aggressively wacky episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" with a far too convoluted premise. Robotnik kidnaps and tortures – sigh – Professor Von Schlemmer, in order to steal his Gizmo Gas creation. Scratch and Grounder fuck it up and accidentally release the gas over the countryside. After a day of making Coconuts eat shit, Sonic and Tails travel to Wienerville for lunch. No, not the obscure Nickelodeon show but rather a town occupied with anthropomorphic bratwursts. There, Tails accidentally soaks in the gas and grows to giant size. With a newly unquenchable appetite, Tails wrecks the town. Robotnik shows up to turn the sausage-y town folks against the giant fox. (He also bribes them with tacky Dollar Store presents.) Sonic must rescue Von Schlemmer and go on a quest to retrieve the one object that can reverse Tails' condition, before Robotnik destroys him. I got tired typing all that out.

Yes, dear readers, this is another one of those "AoStH" that makes me question my lifelong commitment to the "Sonic" franchise. You could look at this episode and try to ask sensible questions. Why is there a town occupied with walking, talking hot dogs on Mobius? Furthermore, why is their community famous for making especially tasty non-walking, non-talking hot dogs? Are the wieners the residents of Wienerville make and sell made from the same substance as them? Do the hot dog people... excrete these edible dogs in some way? If not, why are these meat-like entities comfortable with selling food to tourists that is in their own image? It would be really weird to find a town famous for sandwiches shaped like the people who live there. You probably wouldn't want to stop there. 

And that's not even getting into why Von Schlemmer invented growing gas. Or why the antidote is a magical garlic flower protected by an inexplicable dragon. Once again, Von Schlemmer's inventions happily dances over the line separating science and magic. And what the fuck did Robotnik plan on doing with this gas anyway? It certainly has offensive applications. Why didn't the episode run with that instead? Robotnik turning gullible small-town bumpkins against Sonic and Tails is a totally solid premise for an episode but it's just one idea included in this collage of inexplicable nonsense. Lastly, why does Tails eat roughly a hundred chili dogs this episode but Sonic touches not a single one, when they are supposed to be his trademark favorite food?

No, no, only madness lies down that path. When faced with absolute lunacy, asking "why" will lead to your own doom. Simply accept the absurdity you are witnessing. Let it wash over you, like a William Burroughs novel or a dosing of LSD in the high school prom punch. Accept that nothing about this makes sense. Besides, we all know the real answer: That the writers were just trying to dump out the wackiest premise possible, as quickly as possible, knowing their audience of ADHD-addled youngsters wouldn't care about any of the disturbing questions these gags raise. Only humorless man-children would watch this stupid bullshit and try to figure out the deeper implications.

"Why is any of this happening?" is the incorrect question to ask. The correct question to ask is "How many people have jerked-off to this?" It's a long running joke that the "Sonic" franchise invented furry depravity and it's almost true. Watching "Too Tall Tails" is like playing a game of Bingo with creepy Internet paraphilias. Tails growing giant brings macrophilia too mind, while his bulging belly invokes inflation fetish. His endless hunger and frequent belches remind you of feederism. There's a joke where Sonic makes Scratch and Grounder pose and flex their suddenly bulging muscles, pleasing folks with muscle kinks. They are specifically described as being sweaty afterwards. Before any of this happens, Robotnik takes off Von Schlemmer's shoes and tickles his unnecessarily detailed feet. (Also unnecessarily detailed: Robotnik's ass through his pants.) Is it possible that I'm just a sick freak whose mind is completely corrupted? Well, yes, absolutely. But it's impossible these days to watch these innocent gags and not be reminded of the kinks they inspired. 

Through the discomfort, confusion, and anger this episode causes, one moment comes together to actually make a degree of sense. After retrieving the magical garlic clove that will undo Tails' condition from a sleeping dragon, Sonic runs through a series of booby traps. These include a giant swinging ball and large spikes poking up through the ground. For one second, my brain snapped out of the stupor this episode had sunk me into to shout "Hey, like in the video game!" I have no doubt this was an intentional shout-back to the games this cartoon was ostensibly created to promote, an increasingly rare event as we've slipped deeper into the "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" quagmire.

I wouldn't be so irritated and baffled by this show's extremely loose and random cartoon logic if it actually managed to make me laugh. Coconuts slams into several walls of varying thickness early on. Scratch and Grounder are tricked by Sonic and crash a shitty car afterwards. (Specifically designated as a DeLorian, another then-relevant pop culture reference that will only confuse the whipper-snappers, who associate DeLorians more with time travel than financial ruin.) Robotnik gets frozen with an ice ray. There's random, blink-and-miss-it shout-outs to Elvis and umbrella hats. But these aren't really jokes. They're just things that happen. And it goes without saying that I find Von Schlemmer incredibly annoying, though thankfully he's not in too many scenes. A moment where he mixes up the word "antidote" and "anecdote" made me audibly groan.

Again, who is the fool here? The person who wrote an episode involving humanoid sausages or the man asking for logic or fine-tuned comedy from them? The answer to that question is self-evident. Once more, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" has defeated me. Trying to parse the interior logic, narrative pacing, or analytical value from this show has done nothing but make my brain hurt. I can say no more other than "yep, this is a cartoon that definitely exist." [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.32: Momma Robotnik's Return

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.32: Momma Robotnik's Return

Original Air Date: October 4th, 1993

Continuity wasn't really a concern with "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." You can watch this show in almost any order and it'll make perfect sense to you. (Which is basically what I'm doing, since the airing order is radically different from the production order.) Most of the one-shot gag characters were exactly that. They showed up once and were never seen again. However, the writers of the show were clearly amused by Robotnik's domineering mother. 23 episodes after "Momma Robotnik's Birthday," they would bring her back in "Momma Robotnik's Return." Her second appearance would air only five episodes after her first one, making it seem like the show was really fond of her. 

This episode begins with a peek at the retirement home Momma is in. In a decent gag, it has barb wire, ten foot tall walls, and watch towers. This still doesn't stop Momma just smashing through those walls and walking right out. Disgusted with her own son's incompetence, Momma Robotnik decides she's going to try her hand at stopping Sonic. Her plan involves adopting the hedgehog as her legal ward and forcing him to be her slave, with an imprisoned and threatened Tails as the bargaining chip. Robotnik is none-too-pleased with being evicted from his fortress by his own mom, and plots to regain power. 

"Momma Robotnik's Birthday" revealed that the show's rotund villain has an abusive relationship with his own mother. In her return, his mom commits the ultimate sin against her child: Complete abandonment. She disowns him and, in a round about way, replaces him with a superior offspring in the form of Sonic. (Who, at least, quickly completes the tasks Momma asks of him.) Scratch and Grounder even seem to like Momma better, probably on account of her being slightly less cruel to them. I think a lot of kids have had this fear, that they could disappoint their own parents so badly that they could cease to be loved. It gives us further insight into Robotnik's psyche, that his mom is so wretched that she would actually go through with this threat. In this light, it becomes clear that his massive ego is a defense mechanism and his incompetence is probably a self-defeating inner flaw. This is what happens when your mom doesn't actually love you. 

But we must face the fact that Robotnik's mom is legitimately a better villain than him. Her plot to adopt Sonic and blackmail him into becoming her slave, of course, would not work anywhere besides the cartoonishly absurd "AoStH" universe. Yet it does works. The Robotnik empire not only looses its greatest enemy but gains a hyper competent servant. She also has the simple solution of putting shackles on Tails' tails, to keep him from flying. Which seems like an obvious solution, in retrospect. She also proves that Scratch and Grounder can be useful minions if not constantly treated like shit. With Sonic under her control, she successfully activates Robotnik's latest plan: A radio tower that makes every machine on Mobius a potential tool of Robotnik. (A plot point that is never actually resolved, because this show can never be anything but sloppy.)

Robotnik's mom does come closer to defeating Sonic than he ever did... Which makes it sort of funny that Sonic doesn't even have to save the day in this episode. His "adoption" by Momma Robotnik is annulled when the big guy informs the government specialist – a skunk with a literal beehive hairdo, har har – that his mom is a piece of shit. Robotnik and Coconuts eventually take back the tower, his mom goes back to the fortified nursing home, and the status quo is reinforced. Sonic and Tails could have done absolutely nothing and this episode would have ended the exact same way. This is not the first time I've suspected the writers of this show were way more interested in Robotnik's antics than the heroics of the titular hedgehog.

Considering a free agent superhero has to protect people around the whole planet, I've never gotten the impression that much of a legal system exists on Mobius. Apparently not. In what feels like a "Sonic Says" segment inserted into the middle of the episode, Sonic tells Tails to obey the laws, that they are there for a reason. Afterwards, Sonic is served to appear in court and forcibly adopted by Momma Robotnik, something I'm not sure is legal anywhere. This suggests Mobius has a pretty fucked up and incompetent legal system. No wonder the planet is in such disarray! 

Even though the episode depicts laws that are immoral and weird, "Sonic Says" still has the hedgehog emphasizing that you should obey the law. Ya know, I actually got mildly angry for two minutes that this garbage cartoon would turn an obvious anti-authoritarian hero like Sonic into a shill for "law and order." But I guess an educational segment about direct action and civil disobedience probably wouldn't fit into a 30 second end-of-shown block.

In this rambling review, I guess I never actually mention whether "Momma Robotnik's Return" is a decent episode or not. Eh, it's okay. Momma Robotnik is still a rather terrifying antagonist, because of her disquieting appearance and growling voice. (Though the animators at least shaved her mustache this time.) One or two lines from Scratch and Grounder, during the transition of power, made me chuckle. Coconuts continues to be My Poor Oppressed Boy, as Robotnik's mom is just as inexplicable cruel to him as her son. The slapstick continues to be unimpressive but this episode is, I guess, a little less dumb than the usual installment of this show.

This is not the last time Robotnik's horrible mom appears on this show, so look forward to more (secretly sarcastic? I'll never tell) insight into the psychological trauma of these goofy-ass characters. Anyway, I'd probably give this one a six if it wasn't for that whack "Sonic Says" moral. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.07: Trail of the Missing Tails

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.07: Trail of the Missing Tails

Original Air Date: October 1st, 1993

Strap in, cause here's another dose of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" with enough premises for two or three episodes. After Tails is almost caught in an especially slapstick-heavy trap set by the usual trio of Badniks, Sonic gives the young fox a stern lecture. When he awakes the next day, he finds that Tails is gone. At first, he assumes Robotnik is responsible but he's not. Turns out, Tails was captured by Doctor Warpnik, Robotnik's deranged cousin that was banished to a surreal pocket dimension called the Warp of Confusion. Sonic tracks the nutcase to this alternate realm. Robotnik and his robot goons follow, in hopes of settling the rivalry with his cousin.

Recent episodes I've reviewed revolve around Robotnik having relatives or rivals. "Trail of the Missing Tails" combines both of these ideas. I'd accuse the "AoStH" writers of ripping themselves off but this episode was produced before either of those other two. Anyway, yes, Warpnik is Robotnik's crazier cousin and also an evil scientist. Mobius is just crawling with those guys. This doesn't really make Warpnik that different from the other Annoying Guest Characters of the Day. His appearance is grotesque: Pink face, massive overbite, disembodied toupee, hulking shoulders, half-dangling latex gloves, vaguely racist slanted eyes. His voice is extremely grating. His personality, which takes the wackiness up to eleven, is overbearing. He's not as disgusting as Von Schlemmer but is definitely cut from the same mold. 

In addition to his wacky insanity, Warpnik's other gimmick is a creepy, Troy McClure-esque obsession with fish. He likes to slap people with fish, turn people into fish, and fills the Warp of Confusion with giant, floating fish. Apparently, the Warp was inspired by the special zones from the first game. Which suggests the writers played the Special Zone for all of two seconds – which is probably true – as fish are but one psychedelic image that appears in that stage. Truthfully, the Warp resembles the Special Stage in no way. Instead, it's another baffling, colorful, bizarre landscape for the show to pepper increasingly odd images.

Also, what is it with Robotnik and throwing other people into dimensions? He obviously did that to King Acorn in “SatAM.” The Archie comic followed that show's lead, revealing that Robotnik tossed even more folks into the Zone of Silence or the Void or the Twilight Cage or some other dimension I've forgotten about. Considering “SatAM” was in production slightly after “AoStH,” it's entirely possible this episode might've influenced that show. I guess the real reason Robotnik is so fond of exiling enemies, across all “Sonic” media,” is because this is a G-rated kids franchise and we can't have the bad guy just going around killing folks. Anyway, this was a digression. 

"Trail of the Missing Tails" is saved from being as aggressively annoying and mind-meltingly weird as "Boogey-Mania" by including an actual character arc for Sonic and Tails. In another recent review, I pointed out how I liked it when Sonic and Tails had a minor conflict. (Again, “So Long Suckers” was also produced after this one.) This episode sort of features that theme too. After almost getting himself crushed in the opening trap, Sonic chastises Tails for not being more careful. When his sidekick disappears, Sonic fears he went too far and scared the kids off. Once again, the show zeroes in on the hedgehog's mentor-like relationship to his buddy. Wondering if you've gone too far when disciplining a kid is a common fear for adults. Even if it all ends up being okay, Sonic and Tails talking it out with a few lines of dialogue, it's nice to see the show actually care about its characters' personalities for once.

Mostly, my main thoughts while watching this episode is how bad life must suck for Scratch, Grounder and Coconuts. This episode especially piles abuse on them. They have their own trap deployed on them, resulting in several heavy objects falling on their head in a sequence followed by a big explosion. This then happens a second time a few minutes later. Not long afterwards, they drop down onto the ground atop each other. Even later, Sonic rams them so hard they turn into bowling pins. These three are constantly belittled, punished, destroyed, and reassembled just so they can do it all over again the next day. 

No wonder when Warpnik accidentally zaps them with one of his ray guns, turning them into giant monsters, they immediately decide to take revenge on Robotnik. If this was a better, sturdier show, that could've become an on-going plot point. Or, at the very least, the show could've utilized the cool mutated designs of the three robots more. Coconuts turns into a tusked gorilla form, Scratch becomes a dragon-like huge bird, and Grounder gets a robust robot body. Since “AoStH” is the show it is, this lasts for a few minutes and things get back to normal. But Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts eventually getting revenge on their abusive creator could've made for a cool episode.

I guess I would rank this as an episode that had a lot of potential but is, typically, not utilized. It's mostly just stupid, weird, and annoying. However, once again, I question why Ian Flynn didn't dig into this episode a little when he was raiding “Adventures” for reboot material. The Warp of Confusion could've been a replacement for the Zone of Silence. Even Warpnik could've been rehabilitated into something interesting. Alas. Also, the “Sonic Says” segment tells kids to memorize their phone numbers, a moral that has been rendered useless by cellphones. Because time is a ceaseless march towards oblivion. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.36: Robotnik's Rival

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.36: Robotnik's Rival

Original Air Date: September 29th, 1993

"Robotnik's Rival" begins with our villain utilizing another stupid plan to squash the thorn in his side, Sonic the Hedgehog. His attempt to magnetize Sonic and swing him to the North Pole is interrupted by another evil genius. Calling himself Dr. Quark, he also plans to bend Mobius to his will. The two immediately become rivals, competing to crush Sonic and frequently undermining each other's plots. That's when D.U.F.U.S., Quark's ultra-logical shapeshifting robot assistant, suggest the two team up together. This is wildly successful, Sonic and Tails only escaping thanks to Scratch and Grounder's stupidity. That's when our spiny hero realizes the best way to defeat this double threat is play the doctors' egos against each other.

"Robotnik's Rival" is yet another "Adventures" episode that creates a story by introducing a new character. As the usual "AoStH" cast members are unmoving in their personalities and foibles, I guess the writers had to throw new guys in every episode to keep stuff from getting more repetitive than normal. As far the recent additions "AoStH" has thrown at me go, Dr. Quark is one of the more tolerable ones. Yeah, his lisping voice is mildly annoying. The show repeatedly compares him to a duck, owing to his webbed feet, and repeats that quasi-joke endlessly. But he's not defined solely by an annoying gimmick. He's actually a far more effective villain than Robotnik, as his inventions actually work, and it's only his competitive streak that is his undoing. I also kind of like the character design too. The spiky red hair and goggles are a good mix. 

 

Moreover, Quark actually manages to bring a new dynamic to Robotnik, than the typical shenanigans we are used to seeing. His rivalry with Quark reveals both his genius — his ability to forge bizarre inventions — and his main flaw: his inability to see past petty grudges. Once they team-up, the two doctors start flattering each other, showing another previously unseen side of Robotnik's personality. He acts all grateful and flattering around Quark and seems to believe it to a degree, because his rival's genius reflects his own. Which flatters his narcissistic ego. But it's hard for Robotnik not to claim victories solely for himself, leading to an edgy undercurrent of inevitable betrayal to the partnership. I feel like we've learned more about Robotnik in these last few episodes than we will ever learn about this version of Sonic.

While Quark is a mildly interesting, or at least not terrible, addition to the show, he's not the real MVP of "Robotnik's Rival." That would be D.U.F.U.S., Quark's egregiously acronymic robot sidekick. Unlike Scratch and Grounder, who are always loud and stupid, D.U.F.U.S. is naturally soft-spoken. His commitment to pure logic is what leads to the good idea of Robotnik and Quark working together, instead of against each other. But a reasonable being is ultimately doomed in a world as absurd as this. After Scratch and Grounder gaslight him into thinking he let Sonic and Tails get away — actually their fault — D.U.F.U.S.'s programming begins to turn against himself. Like so many Gen-Xers before him, D.U.F.U.S.'s confusion at a world that doesn't make sense drives him to apathy and sarcasm towards authority figures. In other words, he turns into a smart-mouthed surfer dude type. 

Yes, what we have here is an actual character arc. At first, I was sort of hoping that D.U.F.U.S.'s clear-cut logic would lead to him attempting to destroy both Robotnik and Quark, realizing both of them are incompetent and he'd be a far more reasonable leader. Failing that, watching Scratch and Grounder continuously neg the superior robot until he becomes depressed also would have been pretty funny. Instead, he bends towards more mild forms of rebellion and depression. It warms my heart to think there's a super versatile and highly intelligent robot out there in the "Sonic"-verse who chooses to live out his life as a stoned surfer dude. It's decent comedy and would've been an even better character study. Once again, I wonder why Flynn didn't bring this guy into the Archie reboot.

Usually in "AoStH," Sonic just has to outsmart and out-speed his very dumb and slow opponents. In "Robotnik's Rival," our hedgehog hero has to rely on an actual strategy. Keenly observing that Robotnik's narcissistic ego is his greatest weakness, Sonic and Tails create a series of pranks that intentionally play the two doctors against one another. Some of these jokes are pretty dumb, involving renaming Eggman's base and a mock award show. (Though the latter does feature some amusingly random yam murder.) Their choice to print tabloids publishing outrageous rumors is funnier. Quark reading that Robotnik says he married Bigfoot is a ridiculous image that the episode then shows us, which got a laugh out of me. If nothing else, it's nice to see Sonic utilizing an actual plan, instead of just putting on goofy disguises and running around.

Though don't think there aren't lots of stupid disguises in this episode. If I made "Robotnik's Rival" sound smart or well done, please remember what show we are talking about here. There's still lots of pedestrian slapstick to be had. Characters still get bonked on the head or comically deformed throughout. Totally meaningless gags, involving ants or the Darkinator, are present and accounted for. There's lots of gross fleshiness too, such as Grounder revealing disturbingly scrawny knees or D.U.F.U.S. transforming into a shapely woman in a bikini. And, naturally, the animation is mediocre. Quark shooting light rays out of his mouth or Sonic and Tails dangling in a dungeon are images that are not conveyed well. 

But as far as the standard of this cartoon goes? Yeah, this is one of the better episodes. By playing off the character's personalities more and creating something like an actual plot. "Robotnik's Rival" managed to mildly amuse — or at least not horribly irritate — me. [7/10]