Sonic Underground, Episode 1.23: Hedgehog in the Iron Mask

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.23: Hedgehog in the Iron Mask

Original Air Date: September 29th, 1999

Sonic, Sonia, and Manic receive a hint that their mother might have been imprisoned in a foreboding tower under a perpetual storm cloud. They hope to find some records of her location inside. Instead, they find Sleet and Dingo and hear the cries of a prisoner. Dingo lets it slip that the prisoner is someone important. The trio return later to free the mysterious hedgehog, who wears a mask that will explode if it's removed. He claims to be their uncle, who was imprisoned when Queen Alena came to power because only one monarch can rule. This information soon forces a schism between the siblings...  But it's all been a trap set-up by Robotnik. 

At least conceptually, "The Hedgehog in the Iron Mask" is one of the better "Sonic Underground" premises. The set-up attempts to mine tension not from an outside antagonistic force but from within the group. If there's anything that will break up a group of tightly knit siblings, it's squabbling over royal problem. Sonic, Manic, and Sonia turning on each other is a lot more compelling idea than them facing off with the easily defeated Sleet and Dingo again... 

But in execution, this idea is far from satisfying. The triplets bicker but they always stick together, so them going their separate ways because of some random guy is not convincing. Further hindering things is how obvious it is that their "uncle" is part of a trap. None of our heroes question why their mother, always depicted as utterly benevolent, would lock up her brother. Even the normally suspicious Manic buys his story immediately. They never question his story, whether his blinking mask could be a spy camera or the rings he gives them could be trackers. It's obvious to the audience that this guy is fishy and it would be even if the script didn't reveal early on that Robotnik is plotting something. 

Then again, maybe our hedgehogs are simply having an off-day. They also walk up to big orange items several times, even though they should know by now that big orange Dingo maintains his coloration when turned into mundane objects. (Dingo's "disguises" this time include a statue of the Queen but the episode cuts away, robbing us of the truly bizarre image of Sonia being man-handled by a giant, orange version of her mom.) These are all examples of how half-baked Bob Forward's script is. This also includes the groan-worthy reveal that the hedgehog in the iron mask is a famous actor named "Luke Periwinkle." Or the storm clouds over the tower, which go totally unexplained and vanish after it collapses. 

The dumb, lazy writing is also evident in the truly underwhelming action scenes. Once again, I must emphasize how much these SWATBots suck. While pursuing Sonic into an auto shop, they stand perfectly still atop a pneumatic lift so Sonic can elevate them right up into the ceiling. Later, they don't move again while standing in a straight line down a winding staircase. When Sonic slices through one bot's ankles, he falls over and causes a domino effect. Robotnik really didn't program these guys with the ability to... move? To cap it off, Manic once again smashes a SWATBot's head with his flimsy drumsticks. Also, the trio later defeat Sleet and Dingo with a sheet. The fact that this is the army that took over the world is really starting to push credibility. 

But why should we expect a sensible plot or compelling action scenes from a show that sucks as consistently as "Sonic Underground?" Look at Luke Periwinkle's character design. He's two feet taller than Sonic, Sonia, and Manic. He has a generally humanoid built, not a cartoon hedgehog one. The only indication he's a hedgehog at all are the tiny spines extending from his head. His cyan – not periwinkle – fur color is deeply unappealing. It's another totally hideous "Underground" character design. Later, there's a hilarious moment of terrible animation, where the triplets and Periwinkle leap over a SWATBot's head without moving their bodies, the group effortlessly floating through the air. Nobody gave a shit if this cartoon was good or not.

The only thing this episode has going for it is one of the show's more tolerable songs. "Part of the Problem" features Sonia, who has the least annoying singing voice of the triplets, on lead vocals. She's matched, once again, with quasi-New Wave sounding music, a style the show's musicians were clearly more comfortable with. The song's hook features slightly less awkward lyrics than usual. It helps that the song's premise, scolding people who refuse to join the Resistance by saying they're "part of the problem," is a little edgier than the show's subject matter usually is. (The song also occurs five minutes into the episode, at a point in the story where it actually makes sense for the heroes to be singing.) It sounds a little bit like Oingo Boingo. If this came on Sirius XM First Wave, I wouldn't immediately change the station. 

The song proves to be the sole bright spot of an otherwise dreadful episode.... Which isn't saying a lot, as even a better "Sonic Underground" musical number is mediocre by any other standard. [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.22: Mummy Dearest

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.22: Mummy Dearest

Original Air Date: September 28th, 1999

Ben Hurst and Pat Allee continue to attempt to build some sort of continuity between "Sonic Underground" episodes with "Mummy Dearest." Cyrus, the traitor-turned-inventor from "Tangled Web," provides Sonic and his siblings with a magical laptop computer that can spy on Robotnik's control room somehow. They spot a book with the royal family seal on it inside. Sneaking inside while disguised as SWATBots, they grab the book. It points towards an ancient scroll in a desert pyramid, home to the hedgehog's ancient ancestor, Aman-Rapi. Said ancestor was supposedly a prophet, presumably the first person to write down the prophecy the entire show is about. They go on a wacky adventure across the desert, encountering enormous sand snakes, mummies, and many booby traps. 

"Sonic Underground" only seems to have two modes as a series: Either an episode has a thin wisp of a premise that is desperately stretched into a full twenty minutes or episodes are overstuffed with ideas, never focusing into a coherent whole. "Mummy Dearest" falls into the latter category. Cyrus building perfect recreations of the SWATBots, that the hedgehogs can crawl inside of and pilot, is a pretty good idea for an episode. There could've been a lot of suspense in a story devoted to Sonic and friends going undercover in Robotropolis, always trying to avoid detection. Instead, this comprises only a few minutes of "Mummy Dearest," at the beginning of the episode. The minute Robotnik walks into them, Sonic blows their cover by telling a dumb joke. Despite the SWATBot shells being described as "super strong," Manic's falls apart after stumbling over a wire. Also, the hollow robots are super light-weight, a detail which is never actually relevant. 

It's just another example of how weird this show is that it would spend so much time setting up this plot point, just to discard it for some wacky mummy shenanigans. Stranger yet, it does something similar a few minutes later. As soon as they enter the desert, which has purple sand for some reason, they're attacked by an enormous sand snake that burrows underground. Yes, it's yet another offspring of "Dune's" famous sandworms. An episode all about trying to avoid this massive threat, or how the triplets survive once they're swallowed by it, easily could've supported a whole script. Instead, it's another bit of world-building for "Sonic Underground's" version of Mobius, that will never be relevant ever again. 

We're about half-way through this episode when it finally arrives at its main point: Putting Sonic inside a goofy ancient Egypt-inspired scenario. (Sonic uses the word "Egypt" later, so I guess we can just assume that this region of Mobius is called that.) While I was worried this would be another excuse for the show to trade off lazy cultural stereotypes, "Mummy Dearest" puts a decidedly fantastic spin on things. The ancient pyramid is not made of sandstone and rock but is metallic and sci-if in nature. There are hieroglyphics on the wall, mummies and sarcophagi about, but it's more Luxor, Las Vegas than Luxor, Egypt. The closest thing to a crude caricature we get is Maurice LaMarche giving Hothep, the temple's guardian, a Boris Karloff-inspired voice. Half this show is just Maurice LaMarche impersonating Golden Age Hollywood celebs...

"Mummy Dearest" still manages to confuse and annoy me though. Throughout the episode, we learn that Sonic and his family are descended from the pharaohs of ancient Egypt. (Or whoever the Mobius version of those rulers were.) I feel like this raises a lot of questions the show is in no position to answer. We're never told how long ago this culture's glory days was but, if it's anything like Earth's version of Egypt, it was thousands of years ago. This means Alena's family has been ruling for literally centuries. It's so frustrating because this isn't actual back story or lore. It's just a vague hint, an impression of a vast history, that never actually means anything. The writers clearly didn't have time to think through the implications of this dumb plot point they just casually throw out. 

The truth is "Mummy Dearest" is another incredibly sloppy episode. As soon as Sonic and the gang head into the pyramid, it turns into a series of hugely overwhelming comedic action scenes. The booby traps of the pyramid provide various obstacles for our hedgehog hero to navigate around. There's a river full of snapping crocodiles, plumes of fire shooting out of the ground, and a room full of mummies. While "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" used the exact same set-up to reference the famous hazards from the video game, "Sonic Underground" just has Sonic bumble around these obstacles. His fear of water is mentioned with the alligators. He gets mildly singed by the fire. The mummies just start bowing and worshipping Sonic and his siblings the minute they realize who they are. This proceeds an even lazier writing choice, when the ghost of Sonic's identical ancestor – a plot point "AoStH" also did better – appears and magically freezes Sleet and Dingo and all the other bad guys. This is an almost literal deus ex machina, another indicator of how seriously strapped for time the writers must've been. 

Any answers we might've gotten to the questions this episode raises are dismissed by another noncommittal ending. After going through all this bullshit, the royal triplets finally get their hands on the scroll. Despite Sonia's claims to being the smart one, she fails to account for the molecular degradation of ancient papyrus when you expose it to light and air. The scroll crumbles to nothing the minute they remove it from the tube, any answers about the prophecy it might've contained lost forever. Instead, they are left with hieroglyph on the scroll container, which vaguely promises victory in the future. It's the same kind of bullshit this show always does: Waste our time by chasing after answers it never intends to give and insinuating that something will happen eventually. "Sonic Underground" is basically forty episodes of someone promising that "it'll get good soon." 

The dumbest part about that ending is... Sonic, Sonia, and Manic were literally communicating with the ghost of Aman-Rapi earlier. They could've just asked the guy some questions. Instead, Aman-Rapi requests to hear some music, which is the queue for this episode's musical number to begin. And, whoa momma, it's a rough one. In the most obvious pun imaginable, "Mummy Wrap" is a rap about the episode's ancient Egypt-influenced plot. This is a classic example of people who definitely shouldn't be rapping attempting the art form. The lyrics are clunky, to say the least, full of awkward rhymes and completely lacking any flow whatsoever. Worst yet is the backing track, a repetitive bit of stereotypical mummy movie music. The entire chorus is "we are Sonic/Sonic Underground," which is repeated every thirty seconds. It's painful, a real contender for the dubious title of "worst Sonic Underground song." It's so bad that I actually had to just mute it until it was over. I'm sorry, guys. I've got my limits. 

Oh yeah, this episode also features a scene of Sleet spraying Sonic and friends with some sort of fast-acting cement, which leaves them immobilized in a sticky, cobweb-like substance. Yet more evidence that someone working on this show had an extremely specific fetish. Anyway, you can see Ben Hurst and Pat Allee attempting to make something out of the nothing here. They clearly didn't have time to develop their good ideas while their general talent was obviously pulled down by the black hole-like force of this show's suckage. "Mummy Dearest" is another fiasco of an episode. [3/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.21: Dunes Day

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.21: Dunes Day

Original Air Date: September 27th, 1999

"Dunes Day” – admittedly one of the cleverer titles from this show – has Sonic, Sonia, and Manic heading into the Mobius desert. After their van gives out under the intense heat, they are attacked by SWATBots. That's when a brave band of local nomads, led by the sword-wielding Ifyoucan, appears to rescue them. Sonic is quickly selected by the nomads to join their tribe, surviving their initiation ritual. Yet Manic has his doubts about Ifyoucan's loyalties. Which are seemingly proven true when he discovers that the leader is seemingly half-roboticized...

Here of late, it seems like "Sonic Underground" can't go a single episode without including a questionable racial stereotype of some sort. The episode is obviously inspired by "Going Native" stories like "Lawrence of Arabia" or "Dune," where white guys meet up with a tribe of brave but primitive desert nomads, learn their ways, join their clan, and eventually becomes greater than any of the brown people. The racial politics of this story type has been well examined over the years. On one hand, the primitives are always depicted as brave, noble, and strong. Yet their ways are often savage, with some horrifying initiation ritual being par the course. This reveals the subtext of this story type, where different racial cultures are treated as terrifying outsiders that white folks must weather and master. 

Naturally, a "Sonic" cartoon adds a weird wrinkle to these questionable racial politics. Sonic is a hedgehog, not a white guy. Ifyoucan's tribe are made up of bizarre furry animals, not Arabs. (Ifyoucan himself appears to be a llama or goat or something.) Yet the nomads are clearly Arab-coded, from the thawbs they wear, to the belly-dancer at their camp, to the stereotypical Middle Eastern music that plays when they first come on-screen. Many of the "Going Native" plot points are maintained as well. Sonic is accepted into the tribe only after he survives a ritual, which is a struggle with a Sarlacc-esque man-eating plant beast in the desert. The tribe are fearsome warriors but this is clearly linked to their savage otherness. Which is also apparent in the scene where they almost kill Manic by abandoning him in the hottest part of the desert. Since this is a twenty-minute kids cartoon, and not a sprawling novel or film epic, there's no time for Sonic to become a better nomad than the actual nomads. Yet it still feels weird that this of all storylines is the one the show writers would choose to incorporate into their cartoon about a blue hedgehog who runs fast. 

The show's treatment of Ifyoucan and his countrymen is also hard to parse out. They get a big introduction, Ifyoucan slicing through SWATBots with a laser sword. (In yet another steal from "Star Wars," the nomads carry rifles that look a lot like the Tusken Raiders' weapons.) The finale of this episode is seven solid minutes of Sonic and his new friends tearing robots apart, with a spinning bolo also putting in an appearance. Yet other scenes paint Ifyoucan and his team as comical characters. First off, there's that weird fucking name, which is pronounce just like it's spelled. A later moment has Ifyoucan awkwardly climbing onto Sonic's shoulders and almost falling over when the hedgehog starts running. Other scenes portray his tribesmen as goofy bunglers. I don't get it, are we supposed to think these guys are cool or goofy? 

Then again, maybe I'm simply being too hard on this show. If you had to polish off an entire script in three and a half days, you'd probably stoop to recycling low-key racist plot points too. This might explain why some other plot points are underdeveloped. Manic's distrust towards Ifyoucan is never really focused on. When he discovers he's half-roboticized, it seems like that concern is well founded... But then it's revealed Ifyoucan maintains his free will and isn't a Robotnik spy. A possibly interesting plot point about being uncertain who you can trust is totally wasted, in favor of a flimsy moral about how making new friends is great. (New friends that try and kill your brother because of their archaic belief system, oops.)

This is a theme also reiterated in the episode's song. "True Blue Friend" has Sonic and his siblings expounding on how letting new friends into your life feels nice. The lyrics are mostly made up of repeating the title. The music, as you might expect, includes some vaguely Arabian drums and chanting. There's also a line about quicksand, which feels iffy. At least the song – which is utterly forgettable, having drifted out of my head less than a half hour after first hearing it – occurs at an appropriate place in the story. After being accepted into the tribe, the triplets play a song in celebration. Hey, that's actually a normal time to sing! 

There's also a few other weird things in this episode. During the big SWATBot massacre, Sonia takes one down simply by kicking it in the head. Once again attesting to Robotnik's pathetic abilities as a robot builder. Also, the episode concludes with Sleet and Dingo left wandering in the desert. Sleet turns his buddy into an umbrella to keep himself in the shade... That raises some questions. Dingo, even when transformed into a mundane object, is still a living and breathing person. He can die of sunstroke or dehydration just like anyone else. Does that mean Sleet would be perfectly willing to carry his friend's dead buddy around the desert? 

You'll have to excuse me if random brain droppings or reading way too deeply into the episode's racial politics are more interesting to me than actually discussing this deeply mediocre twenty-one minutes of television. But if you're still reading this blog, you're probably used to me doing this by now. [5/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.20: Three Hedgehogs and a Baby

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.20: Three Hedgehogs and a Baby

Original Air Date: September 24th, 1999

There aren't very many episodes of "Sonic Underground" that made much of an impression on viewers, even within the "Sonic" fandom. However, one episode has proven especially infamous. At some point, an out-of-context clip from "Three Hedgehogs and a Baby," the topic of today's review, went viral. The incredibly bizarre and badly animated sequence stood as yet another example of how cursed the entire "Sonic" franchise is. Now the time has come for me to consider this particular installment in all its glory. 

While on the trail of a new invention called a "micro-roboticizer," Sonic and his siblings hear a baby crying in an alleyway. They take the infant hedgehog back to their lair where Manic quickly forms a bond with the child, that he nicknames "Hip." However, the child holds a dark secret: He's actually an android built by Robotnik. The goal of this spy-baby is to record the path to Sanctuary. (Dingo is disguised as Hip's bassinet, for extra insurance.) Inevitably, Manic is going to discover the truth. 

"Three Hedgehogs and a Baby" is another Len Janssen scripted episode. It's another example where the "SatAM" influence is especially obvious. Robotnik is determined to seek out Sanctuary, not dissimilar to the previous iteration of the character tirelessly searching for Knothole Village. There's even a scene where Sonic and Sonia sneak into Robotnik's base, ending up surrounded by SWATBots and with electric shackles around their ankles. This is one of the few moments in the series so far where Sonic has actually come face-to-face with Robotnik, ostensibly his archenemy and the main adversary of the series. 

Yet, if this is an episode of "Underground" that can function as a SatAM" substitute, it's not a very good one. Gary Chalk's limitations as Robotnik are especially evident here. He mostly just laughs megalomaniacally, in a very exaggerated cartoon supervillain fashion. He absolutely lacks the sinister glee and malevolent intent Jim Cummings brought to the character. Sonic and Sonia never really feel like they are in danger. They escape when Sonic activates his magical guitar and creates a power outage, easy enough. Mostly, the premise doesn't really work because we've barely spent any time in Sanctuary. We aren't invested in it, the way we were in Knothole and all its residents. There's just not much tension to this episode. 

Even this is not the biggest problem facing this episode. In order for the script to be really effective, the audience has to be invested in Manic and Hip's relationship. Sadly, the baby hedgehog robot is incredibly unappealing. This is largely thanks to another hideous "Sonic Underground" character design. His eyes are squinty. His face extends upward in a weird way but also appears way too small for his head. His feet and arms seem oversized and overly detailed. It's just painful to look at him. Being a baby, he spends a lot of time crying, shitting, and burping. Which is normal but the script rarely presents the upsides of having a baby around, namely them being cute or watching them grow. Mostly, Manic goes from resenting Hip to loving him within a few scenes. I know this is a half-hour cartoon but I've seen similarly short shows endear an audience to a new character, and mine tension from their presence, way more effectively. (The "Beast Wars" episode "Transmutate" is similar to this one and about 100% better.)

Ya know, that's just the base-level incompetence that I've come to expect from this show. You can see that same lack of shits given in other elements of the episode. Namely the animation, which verges from the mediocre to the hilariously half-asses. Yes, the infamous climax of the episode is hysterically nonsensical. The scene of Hip falling through the air, Manic chasing after on his boogie board to grab him, is animated without any sense of depth or speed. The baby seems to float downward as a languid pace. The image of an infant exploding, its eyeball flying through the air and wires dangling out of its smashed head, is too bizarre. When combined with the typically terrible character designs, I can see why this moment became a minor meme. 

Aside from Hip's ghastly appearance, the worst thing about the episode is how the plot discredits its own premise. Disguising Dingo as the baby basket seems to largely void the need for the robo-baby in the first place. Why go to the trouble of building a realistic robot when you could just disguise Dingo as a mundane object and slip him in somewhere? Throughout the episode, Dingo-in-bassinet-form also sprouts limbs and moves around. This violates the previous rules we've seen regarding Dingo's transformations, where he's needed another blast from Sleet's transmogrifier to change shape... But mostly it just looks hilarious and horrible. This show presented so many moments of hideous body horror in such a casual way. (There's also a moment here were a fleet of Robotnik vehicles is perfectly cloaked, technology that probably could've been applied in a much smarter way.) 

Oh yeah, there's a song too. Of course there is. Instead of focusing on Manic and Hip's relationship, with some adorable "Kooks"-style number, the song instead generically celebrates the freedom of childhood. "Being a Kid is Cool" is, as that title indicates, totally insipid in both its lyrics and tinny music. The references to "bubbly bubble baths," ice cream, and boo-boos is sickeningly saccharine. The show seems aware of how obnoxious this song is, as we get a split-second shot of Robotnik holding his ears and grimacing. I've got to agree with that one. This is the music they play in Hell's waiting room. 

I guess I should be thankful that there aren't any poop jokes in this episode. Only one sequence is concerned with dirty diapers and it is, as far as children media's treatment of this topic goes, fairly tasteful. Truthfully, I've seen more embarrassing, more cringe-inducing episodes of this show already. (And this isn't even the worst "Sonic" cartoon about babies, as both of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog's" baby-centric episodes are considerably more grating.) Yet "Three Hedgehogs and a Baby" does deserve its infamy for the aesthetic missteps it makes. It may not be the ugliest or most bizarre episode of "Sonic Underground" but it certainly combines those attributes in a suitably baffling way. [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.19: The Jewel of the Crown

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.19: The Jewel of the Crown

Original Air Date: September 23rd, 1999

I'm finally past the halfway point with "Sonic Underground" and it's only taken me three months to get there. You, the reader, won't realize this as I'm writing this review several months before it's scheduled to go up. Yet my habit of watching an episode of this show daily has slipped a lot. 2021 has been a year full of personal and emotional challenges. I'm not saying trying to watch and write about "Sonic Underground" everyday has added to my depression – though maybe I am? – but this has been a pretty tedious experience so far. Now, at least I'm far closer to the end than before.

"The Jewel of the Crown" begins with Manic piloting a mechanical/spying device into Robotnik's inner most chamber. He reveals a plan to retrieve Queen Alena's crown jewel, which has recently gone up for sale and supposedly glows the closer to the Queen it is. Dingo sits on the spy-bug just before the name of the merchant is revealed, forcing Sonic, Sonia, and Manic to track the guy down in the city of Emporium. They manage to grab the jewel and get it away from Sleet and Dingo. The flashing crystal does not lead them to their mom but into a more perilous situation instead. 

There's not a lot about "The Jewel of the Crown" that interests me but one scene was kind of funny. After hearing about the jewel, Sonic and his siblings discuss how they'll retrieve it. Since they don't have the funds to simply buy the jewel, Manic suggests stealing it. The others insist this is immoral... Before Sonic suggests that the Queen would never sell her crown, so it must've been stolen from her. A short debate follows about whether stealing a stolen item back, to return to its rightful owner, is morally right or not. The disconnect in this show's need to teach common sense values to kids while also having a kleptomaniac as a main character has never been more apparent. It's also kind of funny, the siblings bickering about ethics. Sadly, the moral logistics of ownership and theft is dropped soon afterwards. 

Mostly, "The Jewel of the Crown" strikes me as a sloppily written episode, even by the hastily scribbled standards of this show. After the heroes get their hands on the gem, it leads them into a weird tunnel in the jungle. They don't find their mom inside but a decoy with a camera. The tunnel is then reveled to be the innards of a massive carnivorous plant. Apparently, this was meant to be some sort of trap for Robotnik but I'm not sure how the hell this was supposed to work. It's repeatedly emphasized that the jewel only glows when it's near Alena. So why did it glow in proximity to this decoy? Since the Queen is always watching over her kids, why didn't she intervene when they stumbled into her trap? The jewel dealer, who was in on the whole thing, goes out of his way to not sell the jewel to Sleet and Dingo. Finally, why try and lead Robotnik into the belly of a giant plant? Why not just, I don't know, shoot him or something? 

The episode concludes by Sonic and his siblings talking about what a strategic genius their mom is but this is some real galaxy brain level planning here. Must Queen Alena do everything in the most convoluted, ass-backwards fashion possible? (Considering the final scene is Alena watching her kids from afar and monologing on fate and hope to nobody in particular, I'm thinking she really is a huge weirdo.) But we all know the real reason why this story doesn't make much sense: Mark Edens was under a ridiculous deadline and had to crank out and turn in whatever half-nonsensical script he could. This is why you don't force your creative team to write two episodes a week, kids. 

Yet its senseless last act is still not the weirdest thing about this episode. During the wacky chase through the city with Sleet and Dingo, Sonic defeats the duo by... Filling their vehicle full of olive oil? This scene is then followed by the two wolves splashing around in the slimy substance. The fact that it's explicitly specified to be olive oil, and not just water or mud or whatever, is weird. Later, while escaping the giant plant, the duo are again covered and smothered, this time by some sort of tree sap. This is at least the second episode to feature sequences like this. I hate to always assume that "Sonic" cartoons are made by perverts but it's increasingly looking like someone who worked on "Sonic Underground" had a "gunge" fetish, a paraphilia that genuinely grosses me out. Well, at least it wasn't feet this time... 

The cherry on this dumb, messy sundae is another soul-crushing song. The city of Emporium seems inspired by Indian culture. There's a weird crab-like snake charmer with cobras with antenna. Everyone wears turbans. Just to make sure this is more offensive, Sonic and the gang perform a crudely "Indian" musical number, with painful vocals and melodies. "The Cosmic Dance" has lyrics referencing yoga, laying on a bed of nails, and MC Hammer pants. Sonic and Manic put on turbans while Sonia slinks around in a belly dancer outfit. I suppose there are worst stereotypes the show could've included – thankfully, nobody drives a cab or reference call centers – but this is still pretty unfortunate. A visually obnoxious hourglass filter is placed over nearly the entire number, making it hard to look at as well as listen to.

The only other thing I can think to say  about this episode is that there are several weirdly fluid moments of animation, alongside more typically twitchy cartooning. I don't know why that is. Anyway, it's another dreadful twenty-one minutes. But at least I only have eighteen more of these left to go. [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.18: When in Rome...

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.18: When in Rome...

Original Air Date: September 22nd, 1999

"When in Rome...” – the city of Rome doesn't exist on Mobius but just go with it – begins with Sonic and his siblings having another close shave with Robotnik's forces. Feeling like they aren't making any progress, Sonic insists they meet with the Oracle again. The Oracle sends them on a wacky trip backwards in time to Mobius' past... Without their medallions. Stuck in a city/time period roughly analogous to Ancient Rome, Sonic and his siblings must defeat a local tyrant relying only upon their skills. 

In the past, I've commented that removing a superhero's powers usually makes for a compelling superhero story. Ya know, it's that whole idea that it's not the suit or super-strength that makes the hero, but his skills and ethics. Writer Len Janssen is attempting something like this here, by sending Sonic, Sonia, and Manic on an adventure sans medallions. But there's a problem: Even though this show has always depicted Sonic's speed as being an innate ability of his, he seemingly looses his fastness without his medallion here. Instead, Sonic spends most of the episode helping a minotaur/centaur thing feel more "cool" and confident. What the fuck? Did any kid tuning into a "Sonic" cartoon in 1999 want to see that? By sticking us in a wildly different location and giving us a slow Sonic, "When in Rome..." just emphasizes how disconnected "Underground" is from what Sonic is supposed to be. 

The episode's premise isn't just distant from what this franchise is supposed to be. I'm not sure it even makes sense for "Sonic Underground." I guess the triplets are tossed backwards in time... Yet the architecture is still quasi-futuristic looking. The part of Roman centurions are still played by SWATBots. (Though adding a cape and a Roman helmet actually makes their designs a little cooler.) This unnamed city is ruled over by Emperor Sleetus and his dumb muscle, Dingotus. Yes, it's Sleet and Dingo in Roman cosplay. Are these meant to be Sleet and Dingo's identical ancestors? Because they are so similar that this feels less like a time travel thing and more like an alternate universe thing.

As annoying as these issues are, they aren't what really bother me about this episode. "Sonic Underground" is a show that continues to mistake being vague for being intriguingly mysterious. Sonic show up at the Oracle's place asking for answers. He sends them on this time displaced side-quest instead, promising answers when they get back. So what does he tell these young heroes, after they've proved their mettle, I guess? He reiterates the prophecy that we've known since the first episode. (That the siblings will eventually reunite with their mom, form the Council of Four, and then defeat Robotnik.) He then hands them a fucking snow globe that includes some sort of cryptic hint about the future. 

Fuck you, Oracle! This is the thing that annoys the shit out of me about this show: The Oracle has the answers! He just refuses to share them! Queen Alena is free and seemingly aware of where her children are at all times! The only thing that's preventing the "Council of Four" from forming right now is that the Oracle says it isn't time, for vaguely defined reasons. Meanwhile, Robotnik is still in power, still fucking up the environment and roboticizing people. (Which, I'll repeat, is irreversible in this show.) The world is suffering because the Oracle wants to teach these three teenagers a lesson in responsibly or some shit. The entire premise of this series revolves around the whims of this wannabe Yoda chode. 

It's not good storytelling because the whole situation is so contrived, that all immersion is broken. In the past, I've compared "Sonic Underground's" preference for mystery-spouting mentors to Ken Penders' "Knuckles" stories... But this is actually worse than Penders, because at least Knuckles' world and personality were growing while the Brotherhood of Guardians jerked him around behind the scenes. The "Sonic Underground" characters are static and never evolve. Their motivation – they made a vow their mother would be found – can never change. So the entire endeavor feels hollow, pointless, and incredibly annoying. 

I'm reluctant to blame the writers, because I know the bullshit amount of pressure DiC was putting on them. Yet, at a certain point, you have to lay blame on the creative staff. Len Janssen continuously shows a misunderstanding of things throughout this episode. He thinks characters saying shit like "don't have a moose," "major yes," or Sonia correcting someone's grammar makes them seem cool or endearing, instead of fucking dorky. He thinks the triplets dethroning Emperor Sleetus and re-instating Emperor Augustine – trading one monarch for another – is an act of heroism. He thinks a mino-centaur wearing sunglasses and talking with a shaky John Wayne voice is entertaining. I'm sorry, Len, this is not your best work. 

Of course, all of "Sonic Underground" is built around perverse misunderstandings of what is cool or interesting. Look, once again, at the musical number for evidence of this. Being without their medallions/instruments does not keep Sonic and the gang from performing. While in a prison cell, Manic starts drumming bones on a skull. Sonic uses a stick threaded with some strings as a guitar. Sonia... Also drums with a bone. Despite the lack of electrical instruments, the siblings perform a quasi-hip-hop/funk track. It's cringe-y as fuck, as you'd expect. This sequence also features Sonia doing a weirdly sensual dance and Sonic playing his stick-guitar – which becomes an actual guitar in this one moment – with his mouth, Hendrix-style. Considering this "guitar" is literally a stick he found in a dirt floor, that is not sanitary. 

It's another baffling, frustrating, obnoxious episode of "Sonic Underground." "When in Rome..." is really only notable for one thing. Upon arriving in ancient not-Rome, Manic rescues a girl from being trampled by Dingotus' chariot. The chariot is pulled by a weird reptilian horse creature that somewhat resembles the Streaking Pasha, the weird reptilian horse creatures from the "Knuckles" comics. Whether this was an intentional nod to the comics or just a coincidence is unknown, though I'm leaning towards the latter. Especially since Dingo just calls it a "horse," and not a "Streaking Pasha," because even the "Sonic Underground" writers aren't as dorky as Ken Penders. [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.17: Head Games

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.17: Head Games

Original Air Date: September 21st, 1999

"Head Games" begins with Sonic indulging a sudden craving for chili dogs, despite his sister's insistence that they get on the road. The chili dog vendor, under the instructions of Queen Alena, slips Sonic a coconut. Written on the dry and fibrous drupe is a message to head to Speedster Island. There, the native tribe is starving because there's no fish to capture anymore. Sleet, Dingo, and Bartleby arrive with the proposition to buy the island and turn it into a resort. (An obvious trick.) Mantu, the chief's son, prayers to the island's hedgehog-shaped idols to save them... Which is when Sonic and his siblings arrive. 

"Head Games" deserves some points for almost being a compelling depiction of colonialism. Robotnik is responsible for the native's food source drying up. (He's described as "scaring off" the fish, instead of just killing them via pollution.) He sends in envoys to buy up the land for cheap, building resorts there that will be worth far more than the initial bid. The native tribes will be displaced but are promised jobs... When the plan is to actually roboticize them as soon as possible. It's a familiar story – not dissimilar to the one of the Americas – but one that we must always be reminded of. 

Yet any subversive, anticolonial quality that might've been gleamed from "Head Games" is tarnished by its not exactly flattering portrayal of indigenous people. Mantu and his tribe wear colorful mumus and loin clothes, not dissimilar to Hawaiian culture. (A clear inspiration for the episode.) Yet they also have feathered headdresses, not unlike the stereotypical Wild West Indian. The idea of an island culture with big-headed stone idols is obviously meant to bring Easter Island and its world famous Moai monoliths to mind. Mantu, meanwhile, has a vaguely Jamaican sounding accent, obviously provided by a white actor. His dad is voiced by Garry Chalk's "Beast Wars" co-star, Blu Mankuna, who doesn't apply any specific accent to the character. 

It's an unspecific mishmash of different "primitive" cultures, which is definitely some shade of culturally insensitive. Yet even this isn't the most offensive part. We never learn much about Mantu's tribe or their culture, beyond the statues they pray to. All we really know about them is that they are destined to be saved by foreigners. Their entire religion, or at least all we know about it, is based around waiting to be saved by people from outside their own culture. While Sonic and his siblings are all voiced by a black guy, kind of dispelling any white savior undertones, they are also royalty born in distinctly European-style castles. This would be like the Prince of England showing up to save Native Americans from the white settlers, as prophesized by the Americans' own beliefs. It's, at best, extremely dumb and, at worst, racist in a way I'm too tired to really dig into right now. 

Not that I suspect writer Michael Edens was intentionally sneaking some weird message into this otherwise anticolonial story. As always, I'm reading way too much into a stupid children's cartoon that was quickly and cheaply produced without too much thought being put into it. So let's instead talk about how generally weird this episode is. It's low-key hilarious to me that even a common hot dog vendor is part of Queen Alena's secret network. So many people know what the Queen is doing, that I really don't know why Robotnik has had so much trouble finding her. Or her own kids, for that matter. She's literally right over Sonic's shoulder in this scene, directing instruction being sent to him just out of sight. If only he had turned around in that moment!

Something else that's weird: Considering Sonic, Sonia, and Manic were depicted as iconography by an obviously ancient culture, I'm just curious about how wide-spread and deep this prophecy goes. It seems literally the entire planet, including remote cultures, were waiting for these guys to come along. They even named their home Speedster Island. I know this is just because of dumb, shallow writing but, when examined for a minute, it gives the impression that Sonic is this universal legend on Mobius, with magical, mystical links to every culture on the planet. Their pendants are linked to the islanders' massive statues, buried in the ground after thousands of years... So can we assume that the Oracle and his cronies have been planning this shit for eons? This dumb plot point raises so many questions that this dumb cartoon is not prepared to answer.

The fact that I'm thinking so much about this suggests "Head Games" might be a little better than your average "Underground" episode. Maybe... But it still has lots of the typical terrible/uncomfortable shit you associate with this show. The episode opens with a shot of Sonic's grumbling tummy, leading to an extend sequence of him drooling over chili dogs, scarfing them down in graphic detail, and then burping in Sonia's face. I'm not saying this is a sex thing but I definitely didn't want to see that. There's also the typical shit of Dingo's flesh being twisted into horrible new forms, including a vine/boa constrictor monstrosity at the end. There's also a pretty funny scene where Sonia starts randomly doing somersaults while fighting SWATBots. That made me laugh. 

Of course, no discussion about "Sonic Underground" being weird and dumb can be complete without mentioning the music. Today's song is called "Take a Chance," which is not an ABBA cover but an embarrassing attempt at reggae music. (This includes the guy who provides Sonic's singing voice doing a bad accent.) It's a song about taking a chance on new experiences, which doesn't really relate to the episode's themes in any way. Yet this is not the most annoying thing about the song. It's placed early in the episode, after Sonic and the gang first meet Mantu. This is despite the episode's climax involving the royal triplets bringing the statues to life with the power of their rocking. Wouldn't that have been the more appropriate place for a big musical number? 

One baffling decision after another was made with this episode, which I guess is also true of the entire series. At least "Head Games" has some good ideas contained within it, which is more than I can say for a lot of these episodes. Also, I guess the title is a pun about the great big stone heads the statues have? Boy, they really didn't put any thought into this, did they? [5/10]