Sonic Live!

 
Sonic Live!
Publication Date: November 1996

Sonic the Hedgehog fans of all stripes and types don’t agree on much. Fans of Archie’s “Sonic” series are no different. However, the comic’s fandom generally has reached a consensus on a few things. The lawsuit sucked. Tommy the Turtle was a mistake. “Sonic Live!” is the worst story ever to be associated with the character. As a kid, I thought the story was kind of weird but never outright dismissed it as terrible. Kids are open to all sorts of things, you know. When time came to revisit “Sonic Live!,” I found myself wondering. Will it be as bad as everyone says?

Well, it’s certainly not good. In “The Last Game Cartridge Hero,” Robotnik has seemingly gotten Sonic right where he wants him. Princess Sally has some personality-voiding device on her head and the other Freedom Fighters are imprisoned. The villain encircles Sonic with SWATBots, the machines zapping him all at once. Sonic the Hedgehog is dead… Or so it would appear. The hedgehog is teleported to a weird alternate universe between zones. Outside, Steve and Jessica play a “Sonic the Hedgehog” video game. Spotting the kids, Sonic yanks them through the screen and into his world. The kids provide enough of a distraction for Robotnik, leading to his defeat. Yet another portal opens, the hero, villain, and kids ending up in another strange world.

There have been some pretty great stories with meta devices, with fictional characters interacting with the “real world.” “The Last Game Cartridge Hero” is not, uh, one of these. The plot lurches from bizarre point to the next. Why does getting zapped by the robots transport Sonic to a place between his world and the human world? How can he just pull the kids through the screen? Why does another portal open, tossing Robotnik and Sonic into another alternate zone? In this zone, the game developers of the Sonic series (notably, none of whom are Japanese) have been kidnapped by an army of robotic Robotniks. Where the hell did these guys come from? What’s their final plan? Sonic then opens the portal back to Mobius by tapping the stage select code on a giant Genesis controller. After sending everyone back to their proper worlds, the plot point of the other Robotniks are forgotten.

 
The incredibly dumb, senseless story is a problem but I don’t think that’s why people hate “Sonic Live!” so much. Instead, the story’s nepotism is what offends readers. See, the real life human kids Sonic interact with aren’t just any kids. Kevin is directly based on Ken Penders’ son while Jessica is directly based on his niece. So how the fuck did Ken convince Archie to publish a comic book where his own son and niece interact with Sonic the Hedgehog? I can’t imagine the pitch but I can imagine the Christmas or birthday wish that birthed this awful idea. “The Last Game Cartridge Hero” would still be senseless if the kids were purely fictional characters. Penders passing a piece of self-insert fan fiction off as a real comic book pushes the story over the edge.

Further proving that “Last Game Cartridge Hero” was purely a misguided vanity project of Ken’s is that he also drew it. The artwork is only occasionally as grotesque as Pender’s worst pencils are. The kids frequently look weird. The robo-Robotniks that show up look awful. The backgrounds lack totally in detail. Naturally, Penders’ worst attribute is his total inability to convey any movement or speed when action scenes crop up. The final insult occurs early, when actual photographs of Kevin and Jessica are used in the book. This is not only weird, it’s off-putting. Seeing an animated Sonic interact with flesh-and-blood children is just… Creepy.

Though it gets the cover, “Last Game Cartridge Hero” is only one of three stories in “Sonic Live!” “The Substitute Freedom Fighters” is written by Rich Koslowski and drawn by Art Mawhinney. Running parallel to the main story, it involves Larry the Linx and Cyril the Eagle grabbing Sally’s recruits and going to rescue the main team. Digging up Larry and Cyril, two characters that had already been forgotten, was an odd decision. They’d be mostly forgotten again after this, for years. However, this is a straight-ahead action story and works all right in that regard. Seeing Dylan pick a lock or Hamlin smash into a squad of SWATBots at least shows the characters can be useful. Mawhinney’s artwork is, naturally, extremely good. There’s not much to this story but, compared to the atrocious title story, it comes off way better then it would’ve otherwise.

In the very back of the book is the second part of the “Knuckles Quest” story arc. The Ancient Walkers’ vague hints sends Knuckles to a strange building in an obscure part of the Great Forest. There, he battles a series of bizarre monsters. Knuckles notices that the creatures are from fairy tales and that they fade into nothingness upon defeat. He realizes a sorcerer is at work here. The hunch is right, as Merlin Prower is responsible for this. He sends Knuckles on the next step of his quest.

Scripting wise, there’s not much to “Knuckles Quest 2.” The echidna shows up, whoops some monsters, makes friends with the man responsible, and gets sent on the next section of his fetch quest. The story’s not even that exciting as an action piece, as Knux makes short work of each monster. One factor saves the story entirely. Patrick Spazinate provides pencil. And, holy shit, is this an awesome looking story. Spaz’ work is, as expected, incredibly detailed, stylish, dynamic, and action packed. He’s pretty much the perfect guy to draw a story about Knuckles punching out a series of monsters. For the record, he fights a critter that looks like a Cacodemon from “Doom,” leopards with fiery whips growing from their backs, an ogre, a Chinese dragon, and the Grim Reaper. I want this story painted on the side of my van.

Neither of the back-up stories are great but they are mildly entertaining. This stands in stark contrast to the title story. “Sonic Live!” is not so much bad as it is deeply miscalculated in every conceivable way. The story was a mistake. It never should’ve been written, much less illustrated and printed. Archie has buried the story, refusing to re-publish it. Who can blame them? [3/10]