Sonic Universe: Issue 56

Sonic Universe: Issue 56
Publication Date: September 2013

As I said last time, there was absolutely no way Amy, Cream, and Marine were going to die. Archie’s “Sonic” comic’s might have wracked up a decent sized body count over the years. They might have even flirted with killing off major characters, like Sally or Antoine. Yet Sega created cast members, especially post-Pendersing, were effectively immortal. Sega wasn’t even comfortable watching its characters age or grow emotionally. (The only previous time Sega allowed the comic to kill one of its creation was Robotnik’s death in “Endgame,” and that was strictly with the guarantee that he would return within a year.) Death was absolutely off the menu, even for minor and forgotten characters like Marine the Raccoon.

Still, knowing all this, I do wish “Sonic Universe: Issue 56” hadn’t spoiled Amy, Cream, and Marine’s return on the cover. Why squander even a little bit of suspense, ya know? Aside from that, it’s a pretty misleading cover. No, the mechanic pirates do not eat fleshies. That would’ve been weird and fucked up and way too interesting for Sega to allow.

Anyway, “Pirate Plunder Panic: Part Two” begins with Captain Metal and his pirates carrying the captured Blaze to their island base. Following the fall-out of “Worlds Collide,” the remains of the Skull Egg have ended up in Blaze’s world. Metal intends to power the scavenged war ship with the Sol Emeralds and then use it to – what else? –  take over the world. Luckily for Blaze, her friends survived Marine’s ship being destroyed. They quickly arrive on the island and go about rescuing her.

The second part of this story is nowhere near as strong as the first. Tracy Yardley’s flaws as a writer come back to the forefront in a big way. There are some inspired plot turns here. I like the idea of the remains of Eggman and Wily’s plans from the crossover getting scattered across various dimensions. It goes to show that these events aren’t taking place in a vacuum and the book isn’t totally disregarding it’s past. (Not yet, anyway.) I also like the little robots that inhabit the island. They take the place of the stereotypical racist native islanders that usually appear in pirate fiction. They’re also just kind of charming, cute and bug-like.

However, a lot of Yardley’s decisions border on the lazy. Amy, Cream, and Marine survived the sinking of her ship by hiding out in an explosion proof chest. That’s fine and was even foreshadowed last time. The lazy part comes when the trio are rescued by a pod of dolphins, who are luckily of the friendly variety and not the raping and murdering kind. That alone is a pretty blatant ass-pull – especially since, post-reboot, dolphins are now anthromorphized Mobians – but it gets worst. Cheese the Chao can communicate with the dolphins and they tell him where Blaze and the pirates are. How convenient! Later, Bean’s inability to control himself around shiny things and Marine’s more general lack of self-control creates a very inorganic cliffhanger.

Aside from some pretty awkward middle act reshuffling, the second part of “Pirates Plunder Panic” also suffers from Yardley’s love of obnoxiously juvenile humor. While Blaze is being carried to the base, Bean informs his robotic cohorts that he needs a potty break. After an outburst from Blaze is met with an electric cattle prod, Bean states he no longer needs to use the bathroom. Ewwww. I really didn’t need the mental image of Bean uncontrollably pissing or shitting himself mere inches from Blaze’s face. As far as I can remember, this is only the second poop joke to ever appear in the comic book’s history, following that time Catweazle took a crap on Vector’s head. The comic was usually better than that.

Bathroom humor isn’t the only desperate tactic Yardley employs here in the hopes of getting a laugh. He also relies on obnoxiously in-your-face pop culture references. Captain Metal keeps the heads of other robot pirates impaled on stakes around the island. Which is pretty fucked up but Yardley uses it as an excuse to make a “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” reference. Because those are always hilarious. Yardley seems to think just acknowledging another series exist alone counts as a joke. He has one of Metal’s lackeys promise Blaze she’ll stay in “one piece.” If you missed the caveman club obvious homage to massively popular pirate-themed anime “One Piece” there, Yardley makes sure the word are bolded.

Ian Flynn has said he finds Marine the Raccoon annoying but a lot of fans, including me to some degree, find her gibberish-strewn banterings to be endearing. Yardley leans too hard on Marine’s eccentric qualities here, to the point that it feels like he’s picking on her. Amy threatens her, after her constant doom-saying frightens Cream. Marine’s the first to get grabbed by the little islander robots. As I said, she’s also responsible for the comic’s cliffhanger, as she just walks up to Captain Metal and starts yelling at him. Amy even shows some reluctance about rescuing her. Okay, we get it, Yardley, you think it’s cool to make fun of the Raccoon. Ease off, would ya? (Especially since Bean is no less annoying and Yardley obviously loves him.)

Despite these very serious flaws, the comic still has a badass villain. Captain Metal’s origin confirms that he’s the previously destroyed Metal Sonic, though this information continues to be kept in the shadows because of Sega’s dumb-ass mandates. The backstory states that Metal is constantly improving, by adding components from the robots he’s slayed to himself. One of the few comedic beats in this issue that actually occurs when Metal responses to Marine’s rant by swiftly and compassionlessly shooting at her. As I said last time, Captain Metal’s brutal efficiency makes him a serious enough threat to overcome his goofy pirate gimmick.

So it’s a pretty weak issue. Yardley’s focus on pedestrian humor and sloppy plotting really drains a lot of momentum from the excellent first part. Blaze also spends nearly the entire comic inactive, which also bugs me a little. Will Yardley rediscover the spark that made the beginning so entertaining? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. [5/10]