Archie Sonic Reviews: Conclusion

Well over nine years ago, I had a dumb idea. I decided I was going to create a blog devoted to Sonic the Hedgehog, due to my frankly baffling lifelong love for the multi-media franchise. I finally created Hedgehogs Can't Swim in August of 2010, updated it a few times, and then promptly stopped. Five years after that, I got a wild burr up my ass. One of the things I wanted to do with this blog was review my way through the entire Archie “Sonic” comic universe, as that collection of books was the cornerstone of my “Sonic” fandom.

My unwillingness to drag out all my dusty back issues, read them all, and scan images myself was what had prevented me from doing this sooner, I told myself. By 2016, I had discovered that pretty much every issue of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic book was available digitally (in both legal and, uh, extra-legal formats), making it easy for me to re-read and grab images for online reviews. I no longer had any excuse. I had made up my mind. This was happening. I wasn’t going to rush into this willy-nilly, knowing I would never see things through to the end otherwise. Deciding upon a reasonable three-times-a-week update schedule and banking about six months worth of reviews before I began posting them to this blog, I formally began the journey on January 1st of 2016.

This was, once again, a dumb idea. Archie’s “Sonic” books had been running since November of 1992 and had spawned five spin-off books and numerous one-shots, mini-series, specials, and related publications. The book was still running at the time I started my retrospective, so no end was in sight. This meant I was going to have to re-read, review, and post write-ups for well over five hundred comic books with yet more to possibly come. Who would ever do such an insanely nerdy, totally unnecessary, and frankly ridiculous thing?

Me apparently. Several Archie “Sonic” fans have attempt to review the entire run of the series, such as “Thanks, Ken Penders” and cool dude RobotnikHolmes, but it looks like I’m the first person to actually complete the journey. I had doubts. In my introduction, I flat-out asked myself if I’d be able to finish this thing. This was a momentous amount of effort for a totally trivial cause. And yet, here I stand, on the other end of the quest. I did it all and I have the 1108 page,  662,593 Word document to prove it.

It wasn't always easy. Some of these comics were terrible. But I worked through it, trying to maintain a consistent level of insight and quality of writing even when discussing the most boring and abominable issues. That has always been my goal with Hedgehogs Can't Swim, to write about Sonic in a funny and smart way. I have no idea if I succeeded on that level but I do feel a sense of nerdy pride as I type these words. Through it all, I have also been shockingly consistent about updating too. I can count the number of times an update was late on one hand. Sometimes, it was three o'clock in the morning before a review went up but I almost always posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday as promised.

So what have I learned, over this not-quite four year long adventure? Mostly, I really do love this silly comic book an awful lot. The minutia of its world, its weird mythology, sprawling cast, and the central themes at the center of it all are all things that mean something to me.

Is it just nostalgia? The series ran for most of my life, the book being a constant companion through my childhood years, my adolescence, my awkward teen-age, my college days, and into whatever passes for adulthood. I certainly favor those early issues over the later ones, especially those after the reboot. I know I made excuses for earlier stories that probably aren't that good in actuality, just because I loved them as a kid. So maybe.

But nostalgia doesn't really seem like it would be enough to power me through such an extensive project. For better or worst – almost definitely for worst – I am a Sonic the Hedgehog fan. It is part of my identity, a love for this character and his world residing deep in the nerdiest part of my soul. I am still no closer to understanding the exact reason why I have an emotion attachment to a fucking blue hedgehog that runs fast and all the furry weirdos he hang out with. But if we look at Archie “Sonic” as a united work, certain themes do emerge. The power of friendship, freedom versus tyranny, never giving up, living in peace with the natural world. Robots are cool. Going fast is awesome. These are universal truths and they speak to me. They must or else this entire fucking thing has been a waste of time.

(It's almost definitely been a waste of time.)

But enough self-aggrandizing. Now comes the section of the conclusion where I thank you, the reader. See, I've been posting my writing on the internet since the late nineties. I've been consistently updating my other blog, Film Thoughts, since 2008... Which I am aghast to realize was eleven years ago. Through all that time, I have never attracted much of an audience. I put a lot of time and effort into my writing, many great multitudes of hours, and usually get rewarded with less than a hundred views and zero comments. This is my own fault as much as anyone else's, as I am very lazy at promotion. When I started working on Hedgehogs Can't Swim again in 2016, I knew the odds of anyone reading this bullshit was low.

Yet, somehow, people were reading this bullshit. I'll be the first to admit that my following is humble, at best, but the fact that I have a following at all is staggering to me. I have regular readers, regular commentors, people who have been joining me on this journey from the very beginning. Fans, even. That's so crazy. I never expected writing about “Sonic” of all things would finally be what it takes to make people start engaging with my words.

So, it is with the most heartfelt reaction I can muster, from the bottom of this black and hardened heart of mine, that I extended the sweetest and most grateful thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting, thank you for appreciating the stupid things I say about a blue hedgehog that runs fast and fights robots. I probably wouldn't be doing this still if it wasn't for you guys. Thank you for massaging my ego. But in all seriousness, thank you for choosing to spent time on reading my writing. It really means the world to me.

Now that I am done re-reading and reviewing every single issue of the Archie “Sonic”-verse, what is next for Hedgehogs Can't Swim? A break, first off. Don't freak out. This will not be an extensive hiatus. Having worked on this thing consistently for four years, I decided I'm taking the rest of September off. Once October rolls around, Hedgehogs Can't Swim will be back, embarking on my next ridiculously nerdy “Sonic” project.

And what is that, you ask? I will be reviewing every single episode of every single “Sonic the Hedgehog” cartoon, starting with “SatAM.”

Until then, thank you once again for reading. I will see you all very soon.

Lost Hedgehog Tales

Back when I first started reading Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” comics, there were few ways to contact the creative staff behind the books. Aside from the fan letters column in the back of the book and convention appearances, you weren’t going to get your burning questions about the comic’s lore answered. That all changed with the rise of social media, of course. Ian Flynn has been especially active in interacting with fans, often answering questions through his old forum, Twitter, and now his podcast.

Considering the various legal snafus that have affected the “Sonic” comic over the last few years of its existence, Flynn has gotten a lot of questions. Following the reboot, Flynn decided to put together a document on his website called Lost Hedgehog Tales. This was meant to be an on-going series that would reveal his original plans for the comic, before the Penders lawsuit forced him to almost completely start over. However, the on-going litigation of Penders’ lawsuit, not to mention his other pressing professional matters, ended up intervening.

Only one chapter of “Lost Hedgehog Tales” has been published at this time. It’s composed of four short pages, following a lengthy page of legal disclaimers. It doesn’t even really detail Ian’s unrealized preboot plans, cut short by the Super Genesis Wave. Instead, he spends five pages talking about how he originally planned to kill Antoine during the Mecha Sally arc, how Hershey the Cat was going to be revealed as alive and deep undercover in the Dark Egg Legion, and how editorial demands and corporate mandates interrupted his plans. It’s an admittedly fascinating read, for the insight into Flynn’s writing process, and for proving that working for Archie and Sega was as exactly as maddening as I’ve always presumed.

It does bug me that Flynn promised all these answers to fans only to end up choking after the first installment. He really should’ve published Lost Hedgehog Tales all at once, in one huge burst, so that it wouldn’t interrupt his on-going projects. He continues to assure us that Lost Hedgehog Tales will be completed someday and has even been expanded to include his similarly cut short post-reboot plans. However, it’s become increasingly clear that this won’t happen any time soon. Probably not until Flynn retires from writing “Sonic” altogether.

The sudden cancellation of Archie’s “Sonic” books left a whole other raft of ideas, stories, and concepts unseen. Unlike Flynn’s preboot plans, which only survive as thoughts in his head, fans actually got quite a few peeks at these unreleased issues. This is largely thanks to months-in-advance solicitations, previews, and the artists releasing raw pages through eBay. So, if you’ll allow me, I’ll use Flynn’s title as I take a look at these unpublished “Sonic” comics and consider what might’ve been.

The first unpublished issue I’ll talk about is “Sonic #291.” This would’ve concluded the “Genesis of a Hero” arc and, as you’ve probably deduced, covers events from the “Sonic & Knuckles” game. Unlike most of these other unreleased issues, were we only have plot synopses and cover images to go on, Tracy Yardley released all of his inked pages for this issue. True, there are no colors or dialogue balloons but, comics being a largely visual medium, we still have a pretty good idea of what this issue would’ve been like.

This comic would have specifically adapted the moment in “Sonic & Knuckles” were the echidna realizes Eggman is full of shit. Sonic and Knux’s brawl in the Hidden Palace Zone, Eggman’s thiefing of the Master Emerald, the subsequent trip through the Sky Sanctuary Zone, and the boss battle with the souped-up Metal Sonic would’ve been covered. The issue ends just as Sonic and Tails board the Death Egg.

This is one of the more story-driven moments from the classic Genesis games, so Flynn didn’t have much room for expansion here. The only clever change I can spot is our heroes do not realize it’s Metal Sonic piloting the Egg-Mobile at first, prompting some confusion when he pops out. I imagine the tone here would’ve been similarly light-hearted and comedic as the other “Genesis of a Hero” installments, though Knuckles’ guilt over being tricked by Eggman could’ve provided some pathos. Yardley’s artwork is on the same rushed, sloppy level though. Tails visibly goes off-model at the top of page twelve.

Issue 292 would’ve started a story arc that actually affects the comic’s world, properly beginning the post-Shattered World Crisis era that was sadly never meant to be. It seems the issue would’ve contained a story called “Branching Paths,” devoted to Sonic and the Freedom Fighters going their separate ways on different missions. Yardley has released most of the pages for this issue but it clearly would’ve been more dialogue driven than 291, so the plot is harder to interpret. We see Tails, Rotor, and Nicole discussing something deep in a lab. Sally, Amy, and Cream clearly decide to go on some sort of trip together. Bunnie and Antoine flirt in their bedroom as he shows her his sword... His actual cutlass, I mean. The plot synopsis Archie released says Sonic is running around Westside Island on a mission from an unnamed boss. Yardley’s page shows him zooming through a mineshaft, what looks like the Oil Ocean Zone, and thinking back to his days fighting the Death Egg.

While I question Flynn’s motives in splitting up the Freedom Fighters again, I’m betting I would’ve really liked this issue. It looks like one of those breather installments between big arcs, devoted more to character development than epic struggles or plot momentum. Especially after so much time had been devoted to the Shattered World Crisis, just getting to hang out with Sally and the gang for a few pages sounds really desirable. In fact, you can see how nice this would've been in Yardley's artwork, which is lively and full of detail, especially when compared to the soft and rushed pencils on the "Genesis of a Hero" issues. Sonic going out on his own for a while is an odd choice, as removing him from the dynamic certainly takes away from things some, but this book has also never struggled to thrive without its titular hero.

Issue 291 was also going to set up future plot points. You see, the next "Sonic Universe" story arc would've been devoted entirely to the core Freedom Fighters going on their own adventures. Sort of crazy that "Sonic Universe," in its eight year run, never touched upon that idea sooner, isn't it? It seems the individual issues of the four-part "Freedom Fighters" arc would've focused in on one member of the team, giving us an idea of what an entire series devoted to the individual adventures of the rebooted Freedom Fighters might've been like. The first part, issue 95, would've been about Antoine. As with Yardley's example above, Adam Bryce Thomas sold the penciled pages for this and the next issue on eBay, giving fans a sketchy if fairly clear look at what these stories might've been about.

Thomas' extremely dynamic and action-packed opening pages show Sonic and Antoine fighting a mysterious new villain, some sort of badger-y type guy named Cortez, who wields a magical sword. We then flashback, showing that Sonic and Antoine were visiting the coyote's ancestral home, an elaborate castle. It seems the D'Coolette family belongs to a lineage of knights and his family was entrusted with protecting a magical sword of some sort. At some point, the Eggman Empire broke into the castle and this Cortez asshole started vandalizing things. Antoine then uncovers the magic sword his family was apparently sworn to protect and uses it to subdue Cortez. It seems the issue would've ended with Sonic leaving the coyote at the castle.

While his Sonic Comic Origin story gave us a look at his immediate past, it seems this issue would've explored the history of Antoine's family more. I guess Flynn decided to make the D'Coolette members of or at least in league with an order of magical knights. It's pretty evident that some of the mythology from the misbegotten "Sonic and the Black Knight" video game was going to be woven into the book. The knights we see Antoine or someone who looks like him interacting with are clearly based off characters from that game. Cortez' big-ass anime sword, meanwhile, is similar to the weapon wielded by that game's main enemy. I have no idea where Flynn was going with this, especially since the issue ends with Antoine apparently staying behind in the seemingly abandoned castle for whatever reason.

While incorporating "Sonic and the Black Knights" into the comic's history strikes me as a terrible idea – the reboot was suppose to be a chance for Archie Sonic to break away from magical bullshit – this also seems like it might've been a fun issue. Sonic and Antoine get a couple of pages devoted to just talking, in what would've hopefully been character expanding banter and not just exposition. It's hard to get a bead on what Cortez' whole deal is, other than his obvious dislike towards Antoine and his family, but the idea of giving the individual Freedom Fighters' arch-enemies of their own is pretty cool. That panel of him walking down the stairs and clapping is neat. If nothing else, Thomas' raw pencils are electrifying to look at. It's clear other people inking and coloring his work actually drains it of some of its power. The issue also gives Antoine a slight redesign at the end, with that new sword and a fancy new cloak of some type. It's a bit of an improvement over his standard reboot look.

As issue 95 saw Antoine heading out on his own, issue 96 of "Sonic Universe" and the second part of "Freedom Fighters" would focus on Bunnie having a similarly solo adventure. Thomas' raw pages are more action driven than his pages for issue 95, so the plot is a little harder to decipher this time. The issue, however, seems to be about this: Bunnie either randomly encounters or intentionally meets up with Marine the Raccoon, who has traveled to Sonic's world using the Jeweled Scepter. After several pages of discussion – imagining the dueling annoying accents is giving me a head-ache, so I'm actually grateful I don't have to read them – Marine takes Bunnie to Blaze's world. Her home base is under attack by mysterious, shadowy creatures capable of infecting people and multiplying with ease. Bunnie quickly joins the fight, just as the leader of these entities pulls himself together. The creature is called Null and seems impervious to Bunnie's attack... That is until the rabbot is infected with some sort of magical energy, which is enough to either destroy the bad guy or beat him back. Bunnie is quickly curled of this power-up before she talks with Blaze and Marine some more and then heads home.

The second part of "Freedom Fighters" definitely seems like it was more full of magical MacGuffins and bullshit. Null seems like kind of a cool enemy. An amorphous villain with the ability to split into lesser beings and absorb people is a neat idea and a style of adversary the book hasn't really featured before. Where Null comes from and why he's so pissed at Blaze is a mystery we'll probably never discover the answer too. So it's hard to know if he would've been a compelling enemy outside of his superpowers. It seems this issue also would've featured a lot of magical plot devices as well as Bunnie getting a super-form of some sort, which I have little interest in, as well as far more combat than the previous issue. So it's hard to tell if this one would've been good or not. Still, Bunnie, Blaze, and Marine is an interesting team-up and the rabbot getting a chance at her own rogue gallery is a tempting proposition. And, once again, Thomas' pencils look fantastic. You can tell he clearly enjoys the chance to draw Bunnie and her shape-shifting opponent.

After that, it becomes harder for us to know what the future of Archie Sonic might've entailed. No interior artwork is available for the remaining issues, as the artists probably hadn't even started working on them yet. So all we have to go on are the cover images and the official solicitations Archie sent out to retailers. From this information, we can gleam this much about issue 293 of "Sonic:" It would've been set in "Sonic Mania's" Studiopolis Zone. The plot apparently would've involved Sonic appearing on the set of a Super Sentai-style TV show called "Sonic Man." Inspired by a meme-y supporting bozo from "Sonic '06" that was previously a one-panel gag during the "Champions" arc, it seems the show is about an entire team of superheroes based on Sonic and his friends. Honey the Cat would have also been there, I guess as a sponsor for the show. According to the solicitation, a "ranting and raving" Eggman motivated by "creative differences" then crashes the set.

So this probably would have been a pretty goofy issue. Honestly, only two things out of the few things we know about this particular adventure excites me. Firstly, Studiopolis is definitely my favorite of "Sonic Mania's" exclusive stages and it's cool that the comic was incorporating elements from that game so soon after its release. Secondly, it would've been nice to see more of Honey the Cat.

Otherwise, a comic largely devoted to Sonic Man doesn't really inspire much enthusiasm. If it turned out Sonic Man was some sort of vein actorly type who is not as heroic or strong as the character he plays on TV, that might've been funny. But I'm doubtful Flynn would've indulged in some showbiz satire. Instead, he probably would've more closely adapted Sonic Man as he appeared in the video game, where he's a strange, adult man who isn't just dressed as Sonic but seemingly believes himself to be Sonic. Where Flynn was going with a ranting and raving Eggman, I don't know but it sounds like the type of aggressively wacky and annoyingly consequences-free comic relief the writer was indulging in too much at this point. Maybe we would've gotten lucky and this issue would've turned into a big and crazy parody of tokusatsu shows.

Though "Genesis of a Hero" ended only two issues prior, it seems Flynn was ready to return to retro-game homages by issue 294. From what we can gather from the limited information available, this issue would've been an adaptation of the obscure "SegaSonic the Hedgehog" arcade game. It would've depicted Sonic, still traveling around the world for whatever reason, meeting back up with Mighty and Ray. The two then get to recalling their first adventure together. The plot synopsis says "Can their friendship survive their egos’ revisions?" Suggesting there would have been some "Rashomon"-style interplay between the three, each one imagining something different. And that is always a decent premise for a story and can be good grist for comedy. (Archie did something similar before, with solid results.) While I doubt this would've been an essential issue, I did enjoy the interaction we got between Sonic, Mighty, and Ray previously. So maybe this one would've been fun too. Despite that spiffy Tyson Hesse cover, it sounds like Yardley would've actually provided the interior artwork.

This issue was also going to include a back-up story called "Baking Bad." This would've been about Antoine and Bunnie having a cooking competition. (As far as I can tell, no artist was ever announced for this one and one might not have even been assigned at the time.) That sounds like an even goofier trifle, which might've been either a cute story full of flirty interaction between the married couple or a disheartening collection of lame attempts at jokes. It did prompt a variant cover from Jennifer Hernandez, which features not-so-great visual gags like Bunnie using her robot hand as a wisp and Antoine accidentally throwing a pie into Sonic's face.

Some wacky comic relief might've been what we needed after three years of globe-hoping adventure. But it seems like "Sonic Universe" would have been a much more interesting book in the first half of 2017. Issue 97 of "Sonic Universe" would have focused on the trio of Sally, Cream, and Amy. Some very rough preliminary sketches from Adam Bryce Thomas exist, giving us a vague notice of what the story might've involved. (Which is helpful, since the cover does nothing but have Sally, Cream, and Amy recreate the cover of "Sonic Jam.") It looks like "Sonic Universe" was returning to "Spark of Life" territory here, with Nicole being threatened by Phage again and Sally tracking Dr. Ellidy for help once more. The pages would've feature lots of dialogue, so it's extremely hard to know exactly what the plot was. The remains of a Titan Metal Sonic put in an appearance, along with an adorable panel of a reprogrammed Moto-Bug polishing a car of some sort.

While "Spark of Life" was quite good, I don't know how I feel about the comic returning to that well again so soon. I imagine the finished product probably would've been less similar than these sketches make it look. Especially since, I'm sure there would have been some sort of connecting fiber between the "Freedom Fighter" episodes. I'm glad Phage was returning, as she was definitely among the reboot's most promising villains. I'm really not sure what dynamic was left to explore between Sally and Dr. Elliday though. Hopefully, Aleah Baker was working on this story too, as I don't entirely trust Flynn to handle Sally and Nicole's relationship on his own.

Last among the unreleased Archie Sonic titles is the "Sonic: Mega Drive - Overdrive" one-shot, which probably would've come out before most of the stuff I've talked about above. Though no interior artwork for this comic has been released and Archie's solicitation doesn't tell us much, it's pretty easy to figure out what "Overdrive" would've entailed. Considering how committed to the "recreating a non-existent classic "Sonic" game" formula the first two parts of "Mega Drive" were, it's hard to imagine the conclusion would've shaken things up too much. As the cover indicates, this story would've been devoted to the Super Sonic, secret boss battle portion of the fan game that only exist in Flynn's head. So we can guess that Eggman would've used the Ancient Gear to activate some sort of superpowered weapon, that Sonic would've gotten a hold of the Chaos Emeralds somehow, transformed into his super form, and then curb-stomped Eggman's latest scheme into dust.

While that is a dramatic scenario, I'm betting this would have continued the "Mega Drive's" series mood of aggressively goofy comic relief. I don't see any reason for this version of Robotnik to stop acting like a total fool at this point, nor for Sonic and the gang to stop snarking at each at every turn. Once again, I'm sure Tyson Hesse's artwork would have been fantastic and the main reason to read this. I don't know, maybe Flynn would've really turned things around at the end. "The Next Level" was better than "Mega Drive," so maybe. But after being so disappointed with the first two installments, it's hard for me to get invested in what-might've-been with this particular comic book. While "Mega Drive" had a great premise – a retro Sonic adventure with art from Tyson Hesse! – the scripts really did not live up to that potential. And, also, why the hell was it advertised as a series of one-shots instead of just the mini-series it actually was?

Flynn's endgame with these issues is hard to guess. I suppose it's even possible, after three solid years devoted to an on-going arc, he was taking an intentional break from any sort of heavy plotting... But I'm pretty familiar with the dude's style, so I have no doubt he was already planning for the next big event. I’m sure Robotnik was plotting something, that the Naugus siblings, the various Egg Bosses, and the Deadly Six were all going to have roles to play in whatever was next.

Even if some of these issues look better than other, I do wish all these comics could’ve been published. Mostly because it would’ve been cool if the main “Sonic” book had made it to the 300 issues milestone and “Sonic Universe” to 100. Just for synchronicity, ya know? Anyway, this concludes my look at the Archie Sonic content that was planned but not released.

Sonic Super Special Magazine: Issue 3

Sonic Super Special Magazine: Issue 3
Publication Date: April 2012

Back in January of this year, I reviewed issue 10 of the Sonic Super Special Magazine, talking a lot about the existence of this odd spin-off publication. At the time, I pointed out how I mistakenly believed issue 10 to be the first “Sonic” magazine to include an original story before discovering how an earlier issue,  number three, was actually the first. At the time, I promised I would eventually get around to reviewing the out-of-continuity “Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II” adaptation that magazine contained. Well, it’s been about nine months but that time has now arrived. See? Every once in a while I’ll keep a promise!

Before we can talk about Archie’s comic advertisement for “Sonic 4: Episode Two,” we really have to talk about “Sonic 4.” Conceptually, the game was a great idea, basically seeking to do the same thing “Sonic-Mania” would do with far more success years later. “Sonic 4” was a direct sequel to the Genesis trilogy, attempting to replicate the 2D platformer thrills that made Sonic such a pop culture icon in the first place, with some slicker graphics and sold as a digital download for a tidy price. But there’s a reason “Mania” is among the best reviewed games in the entire franchise while the two “Sonic 4” installments are almost never talked about. Instead of capturing the joys of the Genesis games, “Sonic 4” was hampered by cramped visual design, sluggish physics, and a lack of the series-defining speed. While “Episode II,” released a staggering two years, attempted to address many of these flaws, even “Sonic” fans had stopped caring by then. Plans to release more “Sonic 4” episodes were scrapped. Instead of rebirthing the series, as originally planned, the “Sonic 4” duo was tossed in the pile with all of Sega’s other failures.

But Archie was still contractually obligated to publish a tie-in, which was smartly smuggled off to the Magazine spin-off, where absolutely no one would read it. “Sonic 4’s” plot followed the events of “Sonic & Knuckles,” with a solo Sonic encountering the still surviving Eggman as he attempted to build yet another space base. The “Another Time, Another Place” comic prologue, entitled “Time for a Comeback,” picks up just as Sonic is defeating Eggman’s latest robot suit and exploding his satellite. Rescued from an icy death in the reaches of space by Tails, Sonic is soon reminiscing about that time he fucked up Metal Sonic and rescued Amy on Little Planet. Well, Little Planet is now back in the sky and Eggman has plans to rebuilt Metal Sonic, which Sonic and Tails are ready for.

If you hadn’t guessed, “Sonic 4: Episode II” was positioned as a sequel to “Sonic CD,” seeking to answer a question nobody had ever really asked: How did Robotnik recover the original Metal Sonic’s wrecked remains from Little Planet? (I think we all just assumed he built another one.) “Episode II” would also bring back Tails as a playable character, as he was absent from the first installment. While the return of Little Planet and Tails’ upper-atmosphere rescue of Sonic certainly had some dramatic potential for a comic adaptation, this Ian Flynn prologue doesn’t really get to explore it.

You see, “Time for a Comeback” is truly just a prologue to the game. It quickly recaps the end of the first episode, has Tails rescue Sonic, references Little Planet’s return, has Sonic recap “Sonic CD’s” iconic boss battle, and then Sonic and Tails head off to thwart Eggman’s next diabolical plan, which naturally involves rescuing Metal from the dwarf world. And that’s it. That’s the entire five page comic. There’s no room for emotion, dramatic tension, or character development in this totally plot driven quickie. You can see Flynn trying to insert some personality, when Sonic gets lost in thought thinking about a rematch with Metal Sonic and Tails gets a little worried about him. But otherwise, this very short story exist totally to inform the reader of the new game's premise and that they should go out and buy it. Yardley’s artwork is nice but otherwise this is a totally inessential, useless “story” that is merely an advertisement for the Sega’s then-latest digital boondoggle.

In fact, the little bonuses included in this magazine prove far more endearing than the featured story. This comic was published right in the heart of the Mecha Sally arc, just after Antoine was blasted into a coma in issue 234. The magazine opens with a fluff piece, in which Flynn basically confirms that Antoine is as good-as-dead and won’t be returning to the book for a really long time. (There’s also a little bit hyping up the Secret Freedom Fighters arc in “Sonic Universe,” as if the actual comic hadn’t done enough of that at the time.) Considering the reboot was fast approaching, there’s some nostalgia in returning to the original comic timeline at the tail-end of my retrospective here. Even if the “articles” are nothing but in-house advertising, imploring readers to pick up the comics. In the unlikely scenario that anyone reading this magazine wasn’t already reading the main book.

So what else does this magazine offer Archie devotees? Reprints, mostly. The oft-republished “Go Ahead, Mecha My Day” from #25 is trotted out along with both parts of “Reigning Cats and Dogs” and issue 176’s “Cracking the Empire.” (The “Your Finger” from issue 25 is recolored to resembled Sonic’s glove, for unknown reasons.) Aside from that, you have a primer on “Sonic 4’s” plot, the Mobius Encyclopedia entry for Little Planet and the Time Stones, and another chunk of the Mobius timeline. This was a few months before the encyclopedia was published, so this was all new content at the time. Ben Bates stops by for a short interview, in which he reveals that Snively is his least favorite character to draw becuase he’s “hideous.” Lol. Otherwise, Jon Grey’s column, in which he talks about the three DiC “Sonic” cartoons that were then streaming on Netflix, is probably my favorite part of the magazine. Oh, and apparently the “Knuckles” reprint collection re-colored many of the supporting echidnas to make them look less like Knuckles with different haircuts and cloths. That feels like a jab at Ken Penders, doesn’t it?

While these extras and bonuses are fun and all, I can in no good conscience recommend that you go out and buy this magazine. Unless you are an obsessive Archie Sonic collector like myself, who must own everything, the original content here offers nothing of interest. But I read it so you don’t have to and now my Archie retrospective is as freakishly complete as can be. Hoo-ray for intense nerdiness and OCD! Anyway, “Time for a Comeback” gets a [4 /10.]

Sonic Archives: Volume 5

Sonic Archives: Volume 5
Publication Date: September 2007

In the four years it took me to read and review all of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” comics, I didn’t talk about the Sonic Archive series much. The digest-sized reprint collections were kind of a big deal for Archie fans in 2006, because it was the first time many of those early stories were being republished. However, nowadays, this means a lot less, as the individual issues were available as digital purchases for many years. (And now available forever as illegally pirated scans.) Since I reviewed the issues on a one-by-one basis, I figured there was no need for me to ever talk about the Archives. Even a “Sonic” reviewer as obsessively comprehensive as I figured that unnecessary.

But, it turns out, I should’ve been paying a little more attention to the Archives. Long after I was knee-deep into this project, I discovered the fifth Archives volume featured an exclusive “lost” story. Yes, a story that was written and illustrated circa 1995, but never published, was dug back up and shoved into this collection. Due to the aforementioned obsessive comprehensiveness, I knew I was going to have to look this story up and tag it onto the end of the entire retrospective.

And how did I discover the existence of this missing story? It was because, naturally, I was looking up UniverSalamander on one of the “Sonic” wiki. Yes, “Everything Old is Newt Again” features the second (and last) appearance of the giant, invulnerable, amphibious android. It seems the story was originally planned for inclusion in issue 20, as it begins with Robotnik bemoaning how Sonic’s apparent death was less permanent than initially assumed. While yelling at his army of Badniks, the not-so-universal salamander demands to be put back into the fray. Robotnik pumps the little lizard back up, this time giving him a new ability to reverse any shrink ray’s effect on him. He immediately tracks down the Freedom Fighters, kicks Sonic into the middle distance, and starts to wreck havoc.

UniverSalamander is a very silly character I have a bit of affection for, if only because he’s basically a giant robot dinosaur that Sonic could fight. I always thought he had a little more potential, outside of what we saw in his first appearance. Sadly, “Everything Old is Newt Again” doesn’t exactly deliver on that promise. His threat level seems to have been downgraded. Last time, only Super Sonic was enough to stop him. This time, the combined efforts of regular Sonic, Bunnie, and the other Freedom Fighters is enough to hold him off for a while. The shrink ray having the opposite effect this time is an easily reversed plot dilemma, as Rotor quickly deduces an embiggening ray will have the intended effect and proceeds to build one. Apparently even Mike Gallagher thought the character was played out after its second appearance, as the end has UniverSalamander being shrunk down to microscopic size. A fate he could potentially return from, I suppose, but one that seems pretty final nevertheless.

Mostly, reading “Everything Old is Newt Again” made me appreciate how much the comic evolved during its twenty-four years in print. As you’d expect from an early Mike Gallagher story, this comic is goofy as hell. Over the course of twelve pages, there's a lot of silly gags. Robotnik's Badniks treat their job like it's some sort of menial office work, softballing compliments at their boss and planning an office party. Later, Robotnik breaks the fourth wall to describe his new plot device as if it was a televised medication advertisement, with a list of side-effects at the bottom of the panel. During an inexplicable game of flag football between the Freedom Fighters, Sonic snatches Antoine's boxers. After being kicked into the desert by the salamander, Sonic lands face-first in an anthill, disrupting the place's very annoyed insectoid resident. The characters largely talk in puns and one-liners. All of this was standard practice for the book's early days but revisiting it after finishing up the book's entire run does leave the reader with some whiplash.

The artwork belongs to another era as much as the writer does. We are looking at some Dave Manak pencils, the first we've seen in quite a while. I highly suspect Manak only had loose sketches of this story laying around, forcing him to actually finish the illustrations in 2005. And you can tell he was rusty. His Freedom Fighters have overly long limbs, the angles of their faces looking incredibly jagged even by Manak's standards. Even UniverSalamander is off-model, appearing lankier than before. The panel of Sonic landing nose-first in the anthill is among the ugliest Manak would ever draw. You can definitely tell the story was hastily colored years after the fact, as the bright and flat digital colors contrast badly against the artwork.

So why did Archie decide to rescue “Everything Old is Newt Again” a whole decade after it was first conceived, other than being a cool extra for long time “Sonic” nerds? I think I answered my own question there but the story is significant for one reason. This story was the originally planned first appearance of Nicole. But don't get too excited there. The computer does not get some sort of epic introduction. While Sonic and the salamander fight overhead, Sally shows Rotor the new handheld computer she recently ordered from some business. Yep, as originally conceived, Sally just bought Nicole from a by-mail store, as if she was an collection of encyclopedias or a Clapper. It's a hilariously anticlimatic introduction for a character that would eventually prove important to the comic's lore.

I initially assumed this story had been shelved for eleven years because nobody was especially eager to revisit UniverSalamander. But that first appearance of Nicole was probably the real reason. It stands to reason Ken Penders already had his origin for the handheld computer in mind for the 'In Your Face” one-shot while this story was in the planning stages. I'm guessing the Archie top-brass decided that was a more dignified introduction for another SatAM element than this story would've been. Interestingly, one of the first things Nicole – who looks more like a ham radio than her usual form - does here is warn the characters that their world is about to get darker and more dangerous. As if the comic was announcing to readers that more serious stories would be coming soon enough. Just going ahead and actually doing that was probably a smoother way to prepare readers for the tonal change though...

So what value does “Everything Old is Newt Again” have? Not a whole lot. It does provide an mildly interesting “What if?” scenario as an alternate origin for Nicole, even if that ends up not being the main point of the story. Beyond that, there wasn't much reason for Archie to dig this up and polish it slightly, even if seeing UniverSalamander again after all these years was sort of neat. Nevertheless, the “Sonic” historian in me is glad this rarity was made available to the public. [5/10]

THE 2016 SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COMIC BEST/WORST LIST

When I started putting together these best/worst list back in February of 2016 – ironically the very year I'll be discussing today – I was continuing a legacy Dan Drazen began in 1996, twenty whole years prior, on his personal website. And now, four years after I picked the mantle back up, I finish what Dan started. This is the final Best/Worst List I'll be doing about Archie's “Sonic” comics.

Of course, we all know now that 2016 was the final year Archie published “Sonic.” That a mysterious disagreement with Sega at the end of the year would lead to unexplained delays and the eventual cancellation of the “Sonic” books. We weren't even given a proper full year of comics, as 2016 began with mysterious delays of its own. Through it all, as the actual publishers would increasingly screw shit up and eventually get the book canned, Ian Flynn and his crew were still attempting to put out a decent comic book.

In some ways, 2016 was a good year for Archie “Sonic” stuff. Even if Flynn had no way of knowing this would be the book's last year, he managed to end things on a sort of conclusive note. 2016 would finally see the end of the Shattered World Crisis, giving the rebooted comic universe something like a sense of finality.

So, one last time, let's juice. The issues covered in this retrospective are:

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 279-290
Sonic Universe: Issue 82-94
Sonic Super Digest: Issue 15

BEST COVER STORY:
Ian Flynn, "Panic in the Sky: Part 3 - Colossal Crash" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 286)

The entire “Panic in the Sky” story arc, the climax of everything Flynn had been building towards for the three years of the reboot, was pretty satisfying. But the third part, “Colossal Crash,” earns special points by really portraying heroes doing the things we want to see heroes do. The Freedom Fighters are working together, standing up against an adversary they have no guarantee of beating. They are risking their lives to save the world. They are visibly struggling to gain this victory, really making the reader feel pride and excitement in the wins they do grab in this issue. It's good shit, the kind of heroic writing Flynn did when he was really operating in top form, which wasn't nearly often enough. 

WORST COVER STORY:
Ian Flynn, "Shattered: Finale - Restoration" (Sonic Universe: Issue 90)

On the other hand, for an example of how sloppy and half-assed Flynn's writing could be, take a look at issue 90 of “Sonic Universe.” This story has so many problems. It shows the Shattered World Crisis being resolved several weeks before the main “Sonic” book got around to portraying that. Naugus makes some truly baffling decisions as a villain, passing by several clear chances to defeat his enemies. The good guys don't win because they out-smart their opponent or have stronger ethics or skills. They win because he's acting like a damn fool. And then Flynn pushes Naugus' defeat over to the margins in order to focus on an extremely rushed conclusion to the Shattered World Crisis, with at least deus ex machina appearing. In the middle there, we also get an faux-emotional, character-motivated flashback for Knuckles that the book in no way earns.

BEST BACK STORY:
Aleah Baker, "Hidden Costs: Part Three" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 279)

After the second part of “Hidden Costs” won Best Back Story in 2015, here comes the even better third part to win the same honor in 2016. As with the first two parts, Baker builds this installment around the idea of communicating with, understanding, and finding a common ground with people who are technically your enemies. But what makes part three of “Hidden Costs” truly note-worthy is its final series of panels, a heartbreaking sequence where we learn how far Clove is going to protect her sister and how little Cassea grasps the sadness of her own situation. Good stuff.

WORST BACK STORY:
Ian Flynn, "Zero Hour" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 283)

283 had a pretty poor cover story that was essentially just the characters detailing all the magical plot devices they needed to gather over the last few years and what they hoped to do next. It only missed the Worst Cover Story “honor” because the last part of “Shattered” was really that bad. To compliment 283's cover story, we had a back-story which did pretty much the exact same thing from Robotnik's side of things. “Zero Hour” involves Eggman watching Sally and Sonic's broadcast, the story literally re-playing events from earlier in the book, before he tells his employees what he's going to do. It is not an exciting comic is my point.

BEST STORY ARC:
Ian Flynn, "Eggman's Dozen" (Sonic Universe: Issue 83-86)

Upon reviewing it, I said “Eggman's Dozen” is probably my favorite story from the entire Archie “Sonic” reboot era. Yeah, I still think that's true. While not perfect, “Eggman's Dozen” is a fantastically entertaining variation on the “men on a mission” story type. Somehow, the arc does an excellent job of juggling a huge cast, many of which are new characters. Their interactions are excellent and amusing, everyone's personality staying on point. The story is kept moving at a constant rate, with plenty of action, but never loosing sight of the cast's eccentricities. Eggman emerges as an amusingly flummoxed protagonist here without sacrificing his uncompromising villainy.

WORST STORY ARC:
Ian Flynn, "Mega Drive" (Sonic: Mega Drive - Sonic: Mega Drive - The Next Level)

“Shattered” probably should've grabbed this (dis)honor but I actually thought the first part of that arc was pretty good, before it got progressively messier throughout the other three issues. However, “Mega Drive” spread over the two eponymous one-shots and ultimately left unfinished, proved so very disappointing. “Mega Drive” and its sequel basically played like a plot synopsis of an non-existent fan game Ian Flynn thought of. Combined with an overly broad sense of humor and disappointingly thin characterization of the characters, we got two very underwhelming stories that in no way lived up to the hype surrounding it.

BEST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 283 - Diana Skelly

While I wasn't a fan of the story it contained, issue 283 of Archie's main “Sonic” book had a pretty spiffy cover. Diana Skelly contributes a stylized image, showing Sonic's link with the other Freedom Fighters groups via a flashy collage of images. The coloring here is very strong, showing everyone in a nifty muted tones. There's also a fun spray-paint effect to several of the background images, which is cool. It's a dramatic and eye-drawing image that really gets you excited to pick up the book.

WORST COVER ART:
Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 288 - Best Friends Variant - Genevieve FT

Once again, we have an example of an artist with clearly no aptitude for drawing “Sonic” characters being invited to draw “Sonic” characters. Genevieve FT, an artist who has done some work for Boom! Studios, contributes a variant cover that is uninspired in its posing. It's a simple image of Sonic and Tails standing in a giant ring against a detail free seafoam green background. Sonic and Tails look very off-model, their limbs and heads out-of-proportion with their bodies. It's not a terrible piece of art by any means but is deeply unnecessary and half assed, as far as variant covers go.

BEST STORY ART:
Tyson Hesse, "Mega Drive" (Sonic: Mega Drive)

The best thing about “Mega Drive,” and perhaps the only reason it exists at all, is Tyson Hesse's artwork. Long established by this point as the closest thing the comic had to a super-star artist, Hesse utilizes every trick in his bag to make this comic look awesome. We have Knuckles' hilarious crayon-like flashbacks, plenty of comedic facial expressions, an awesome and fluid sense of motion, dynamic action scenes, and impressive splash pages. It's everything you'd want a “Sonic” comic inspired by the original Genesis games to be. Good job, you bastard.

WORST STORY ART:
Tracy Yardley, "Genesis of a Hero, Part One: Where It All Began" (Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 288)

Though I have absolutely no way to prove it, I'm going to continue to run with my personal fan theory that the “Genesis of a Hero” arc was a story idea forced on the comic's creative team at the last minute. Aside from Flynn's script, which draw heavily from pre-existing game plots, my main evidence for this is Tracy Yardley's artwork. It's not only not up to Yardley's usual standards but it visibly rushed and sloppy in many ways. Characters move in overly cartoonish ways. Facial expressions are looser and more exaggerated. Long shots are less detailed than usual. It all smacks of something that was thrown together quickly.

BEST NEW CHARACTERS:
Shellbreaker's Crew

I really wanted to give this honor to Jian the Tiger, of Dulcy's Freedom Fighter team, as she had one of my favorite character designs of the reboot. Yet Jian wasn't developed much in her few appearance. (Maw the Thylacine is another clear candidate, a mysterious character I actually wanted to know more about.) Besides, Captain Shellbreaker's crew of merry and highly eccentric pirates, introduce in the very last “Sonic Universe” arc, are clearly among the reboot's most lovable band of rogues. 

Clearly, Razor's highly conflicted sister, Blade, is the most complex of this lot. She and her brother have certain irreconcilable differences and the book builds upon them fantastically. I also like Mr. Bristles, who is oddly paternal and jolly for a pirate. My favorite is probably Opal, among the sexier jellyfish I've ever seen, who is a totally adorable perky goth with an amusingly quirky side. Shellbreaker himself is a complex villain that is charming one minute before letting his uncompromising brutal side, characterized by a ruthless thirst for power, out the next. Even the least interesting of the team, Dive the nutty and perpetually stoned lemming, is kind of fun. They are a neat group of characters and I would've liked to have seen more of them.

WORST NEW CHARACTER: 
Fuck Wulf

I had initially plan to award “Nixus,” Naugus' echidna disguise, this award for being among the year's most disappointing plot twists. Yet Nixus is still one of the better parts of the “Shattered” story arc and calling him a “new” character is definitely a stretch.

Instead, I'm giving this one to good ol' Fuck Wulf. Wendy Naugus' band of Witchcarters are among Flynn's least original creations. Each one fits easily understood archetypes that the comic has plenty of already. Yet Fuck Wulf really emerges as the least essential of an already forgettable lot. He is yet another lol randumz villain, a giggly goof-ball who expresses his frantic madness by shouting wacky things and acting silly. This is a stock character type that Flynn has returned to over and over again throughout his run. It was cute when he did it with Bean the Duck, repetitive and disappointing when he did it with Flying Frog, and officially tiresome when he did it with Fuck Wulf.


BEST IDEA: 
Ending the Shattered World Crisis

Full stop, there was no better idea in the comic's final year than finally bringing the Shattered World Crisis to an end. Why the story stretching out for such an extended amount of time is something I have bitched about extensively already so I won't repeat myself. I'll just say that I'm glad Flynn managed to conclude this before the comic got unceremoniously shit-canned. The only thing that would've pissed me off more about this arc stretching on for so long is if it didn't even fucking end before the book's cancellation. But concluding it when he did allowed Flynn, however unintentionally, to give his magnum opus something like a sense of finality. That the climax managed to be as decent as it was shows the Flynn could have pulled this off at any time but that's another complaint all together.


WORST IDEA:
Retro-Mania

Over the twenty-four years Archie was publishing “Sonic,” you could definitely feel the comic's editors and Sega executives meddling with the stories the book so clearly wanted to tell. The series' final year was in no way free of these mandates from on-high. 2016 was the 25th anniversary of the entire “Sonic” franchise. So Archie had the not-unreasonable idea to publish a special one-shot celebrating that anniversary. Fine. Cool even. But then Archie kept hammering that note, turning “Mega Drive” from a one-shot into a trilogy of one-shots. And then what ended up being the last story arc of the entire series was devoted to yet another nostalgic run down memory lane. By then, even someone like me who adores the classic era of “Sonic” was sick of this stuff. Especially since the comics devoted to this subject proved rather mediocre, shackled to an overbearing need to be as faithful to the classic game structure as possible.

What's the Deal with Chao?

20 years ago today, at least in North America, “Sonic Adventure” was released for the Sega Dreamcast. In many ways, it was the beginning and the end of an era for the “Sonic” franchise. Not just the end of the literal Classic Sonic era, as we now recognize it. I'm talking about how it was the last time I can recall normal humans, not just Extremely Online nerd people like me, expressing excitement over a new “Sonic the Hedgehog” game. Afterwards, the “Sonic” series would be increasingly defined by video games of debatable merit and the rather peculiar habits of certain corners of its fandom.

As such, “Sonic Adventure” emerges as a pivotal title in blue hedgehog history that prompts many question. Why did Sega make the decision to move Sonic, a character always previously aligned with the natural world, into an urban setting? Why did Sega interrupt the fast paced action we associate “Sonic” with by including radically different styles of game play, like shooting and fishing? But, most pressingly tonight, I ask a totally different question:

What's the deal with Chao?

If you're reading this blog, I would presume you know what the hell I'm talking about. To answer my own question, I assume Sega and Sonic Team included so many different types of game play into “Sonic Adventure” in hopes of appealing to as large an audience as possible. The game, after all, was a flagship title for a new console, hoping to show off everything the Dreamcast could do. So among the other styles of gaming included in “Sonic Adventure” was a virtual pet. Call the Chao, they were cutesy, little, blobby mascot things that you could take care of in designated areas spread throughout the game. This could link up with the Dreamcast memory card, where you could play a tiny mini-game starring your Chao.

I was hoping to find some information online about the decisions made behind Sega/Sonic Team's chose to include such a wild departure from traditional “Sonic” thrills in "Sonic Adventure." Sadly, nothing much on the developmental side turned up. Apparently, the Chao were based off similar creatures that appeared in “Nights.... Into Dreams,” but that's about the sole behind-the-scene tidbit I could uncover.

However, why Sega chose to introduce the Chao is easy to figure out. Two years prior to “Adventure's” release, “digital pets” with mysterious names like “Tamagotchi,” “Giga Pets,” and “Digimon” would sweep the world and become a serious fad. Around the same time, Nintendo and Gamefreak's “Pokemon” series would be unleashed on the globe, spawning a global phenomenon that has never really gone away. The Chao feature resembles both of these hugely popular properties. Like “Pokemon,” the Chao are cute and small critters that the players are encouraged to form bonds with. They evolve and change in unique ways depending on how the player takes care of them. A Chao mini-game could be played on the VMU – Visual Memory Unit, the Dreamcast's memory card that also operated as a small, handheld gaming device itself – which was obviously similar to “Tamagotchi” and its contemporaries.

In other words, Sega was trying to make their new “Sonic” game as popular as possible by capitalizing on a number of then-relevant fads.

Despite the bold nakedness with which Sega was emulating pre-existing ideas, it would seem the Chao were a roaring success. The Chao Gardens, the isolated areas were Sonic and friends could interact with their little Chao, were well-received by players and reviews even in 1999. The customizable element of the Chao supposedly had quite a lot of depth. The food you gave the Chao, what games you played with it, and the general way you treated it influenced what form or appearance your Chao developed. For an example of how much people are invested in this idea, extensive online guides still exist to produce specific looks in your Chao.

Moreover, the Chao have become beloved and popular members of Sonic's supporting cast. They were heavily featured in the “Sonic Adventure” merchandising that was released alongside the game. The creatures were incorporated into the game's mythology, to some success. The characters continue to appear in new “Sonic” games, most recently showing up as racers in “Team Sonic Racing.” The little blue blobs have appeared in the various cartoons and comic books. When Sega wanted fans to embrace new character Cream the Rabbit, they gave her a Chao sidekick... A strategy that seemed to have largely worked.

The point I'm making is, as gimmicky and out-of-place as the entire Chao concept seemed, fans truly embraced it. The Chao's popularity is such that fans have expressed frustration with Sega's refusal to incorporate Chao Gardens into further “Sonic” games. This has prompted a number of enterprising “Sonic” nerds to create critically acclaimed fan games of their own, centered entirely around raising Chao.

I, for one, never quite got the hype. Yes, I spent a little time as a kid messing around in the Chao garden. I can even recall an evening that was largely devoted to me playing “Chao Adventure” on the VMU, a game that I seem to remember involved a lot of walking and occasional boxing. Yet the mechanic never hooked me. I never attempted to customize my Chao, never put my time or effort into raising it. Digital pet rearing was not what I signed up for when I popped the “Sonic Adventure” disc into my Dreamcast. So, accordingly, I largely ignored and focused on the running and robot-bashing and the other things about the franchise that I have always found appealing.

To be brutally honest, I never felt the Chao really belonged in “Sonic.” I have never found the attempts to incorporate the creatures into “Sonic” lore, within the comic books and even the game themselves, to be anything but awkward. It always bugged me that the Chao Garden levels in “Sonic Adventure” never had any effect on the game's actual plot. Even on a visual designs level, they don't seem to fit. Sonic's world is one populated by anthromorphic animals and humanoid villains. The Chao are neither, being whimsical blue generic things. The designs are sickeningly cute, among the most obvious attempts by Sega to create highly cuddly and marketable mascot characters. And Omochao is annoying as shit.

And yet people still love the baby blue hug-blobs. I conducted an informer poll on the Archie Sonic Online Discord asking everyone what is up with Chao and got a fairly consistent series of answers. Fans respond to the amount of depth put into the creatures and consider the endless ways they can be customized to be a good source of re-playablilty. More than one person who responded said the mini-games provided a change of pace from the regular “Sonic” experience, a breather. That it was a way to play “Sonic” without doing all the usual “Sonic” things.

Which are all valid answers, I suppose... That do little to resolve my own confusion. Listen, guys, if I want a break from “Sonic” stuff, a change of pace or a breather, I turn off my system and go do something else. Does that make me sound like an old man? I guess my complaint boils down to finding Chao visually uninteresting and wishing Sega had just packaged the little critters as a separate game, instead of shoving them in with “Sonic” which wasn't a great fit for them in my opinion.

But if I sound like an old man, that's fitting. I am an old man, who has existed on this planet for three full decades and somehow still cares about a stupid cartoon hedgehog. “Sonic Adventure” came out twenty years ago and I still think of it as a newer iteration of “Sonic.” It's telling that most of “Sonic” fandom is young enough that the “Adventure” games are their classic era. Time is pitiless and marches ever onward. As for Chao, it seems likely to me that they will remain a part of the franchise, acting in a mascot capability of sorts, even if Sega never creates another Chao Garden again. I will continue to ignore and vaguely resent their presence but that's part of growing up, I guess. Happy 9-9-99, guys!