Archie Sonic Reviews: Conclusion

Well over nine years ago, I had a dumb idea. I decided I was going to create a blog devoted to Sonic the Hedgehog, due to my frankly baffling lifelong love for the multi-media franchise. I finally created Hedgehogs Can't Swim in August of 2010, updated it a few times, and then promptly stopped. Five years after that, I got a wild burr up my ass. One of the things I wanted to do with this blog was review my way through the entire Archie “Sonic” comic universe, as that collection of books was the cornerstone of my “Sonic” fandom.

My unwillingness to drag out all my dusty back issues, read them all, and scan images myself was what had prevented me from doing this sooner, I told myself. By 2016, I had discovered that pretty much every issue of Archie’s “Sonic the Hedgehog” comic book was available digitally (in both legal and, uh, extra-legal formats), making it easy for me to re-read and grab images for online reviews. I no longer had any excuse. I had made up my mind. This was happening. I wasn’t going to rush into this willy-nilly, knowing I would never see things through to the end otherwise. Deciding upon a reasonable three-times-a-week update schedule and banking about six months worth of reviews before I began posting them to this blog, I formally began the journey on January 1st of 2016.

This was, once again, a dumb idea. Archie’s “Sonic” books had been running since November of 1992 and had spawned five spin-off books and numerous one-shots, mini-series, specials, and related publications. The book was still running at the time I started my retrospective, so no end was in sight. This meant I was going to have to re-read, review, and post write-ups for well over five hundred comic books with yet more to possibly come. Who would ever do such an insanely nerdy, totally unnecessary, and frankly ridiculous thing?

Me apparently. Several Archie “Sonic” fans have attempt to review the entire run of the series, such as “Thanks, Ken Penders” and cool dude RobotnikHolmes, but it looks like I’m the first person to actually complete the journey. I had doubts. In my introduction, I flat-out asked myself if I’d be able to finish this thing. This was a momentous amount of effort for a totally trivial cause. And yet, here I stand, on the other end of the quest. I did it all and I have the 1108 page,  662,593 Word document to prove it.

It wasn't always easy. Some of these comics were terrible. But I worked through it, trying to maintain a consistent level of insight and quality of writing even when discussing the most boring and abominable issues. That has always been my goal with Hedgehogs Can't Swim, to write about Sonic in a funny and smart way. I have no idea if I succeeded on that level but I do feel a sense of nerdy pride as I type these words. Through it all, I have also been shockingly consistent about updating too. I can count the number of times an update was late on one hand. Sometimes, it was three o'clock in the morning before a review went up but I almost always posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday as promised.

So what have I learned, over this not-quite four year long adventure? Mostly, I really do love this silly comic book an awful lot. The minutia of its world, its weird mythology, sprawling cast, and the central themes at the center of it all are all things that mean something to me.

Is it just nostalgia? The series ran for most of my life, the book being a constant companion through my childhood years, my adolescence, my awkward teen-age, my college days, and into whatever passes for adulthood. I certainly favor those early issues over the later ones, especially those after the reboot. I know I made excuses for earlier stories that probably aren't that good in actuality, just because I loved them as a kid. So maybe.

But nostalgia doesn't really seem like it would be enough to power me through such an extensive project. For better or worst – almost definitely for worst – I am a Sonic the Hedgehog fan. It is part of my identity, a love for this character and his world residing deep in the nerdiest part of my soul. I am still no closer to understanding the exact reason why I have an emotion attachment to a fucking blue hedgehog that runs fast and all the furry weirdos he hang out with. But if we look at Archie “Sonic” as a united work, certain themes do emerge. The power of friendship, freedom versus tyranny, never giving up, living in peace with the natural world. Robots are cool. Going fast is awesome. These are universal truths and they speak to me. They must or else this entire fucking thing has been a waste of time.

(It's almost definitely been a waste of time.)

But enough self-aggrandizing. Now comes the section of the conclusion where I thank you, the reader. See, I've been posting my writing on the internet since the late nineties. I've been consistently updating my other blog, Film Thoughts, since 2008... Which I am aghast to realize was eleven years ago. Through all that time, I have never attracted much of an audience. I put a lot of time and effort into my writing, many great multitudes of hours, and usually get rewarded with less than a hundred views and zero comments. This is my own fault as much as anyone else's, as I am very lazy at promotion. When I started working on Hedgehogs Can't Swim again in 2016, I knew the odds of anyone reading this bullshit was low.

Yet, somehow, people were reading this bullshit. I'll be the first to admit that my following is humble, at best, but the fact that I have a following at all is staggering to me. I have regular readers, regular commentors, people who have been joining me on this journey from the very beginning. Fans, even. That's so crazy. I never expected writing about “Sonic” of all things would finally be what it takes to make people start engaging with my words.

So, it is with the most heartfelt reaction I can muster, from the bottom of this black and hardened heart of mine, that I extended the sweetest and most grateful thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting, thank you for appreciating the stupid things I say about a blue hedgehog that runs fast and fights robots. I probably wouldn't be doing this still if it wasn't for you guys. Thank you for massaging my ego. But in all seriousness, thank you for choosing to spent time on reading my writing. It really means the world to me.

Now that I am done re-reading and reviewing every single issue of the Archie “Sonic”-verse, what is next for Hedgehogs Can't Swim? A break, first off. Don't freak out. This will not be an extensive hiatus. Having worked on this thing consistently for four years, I decided I'm taking the rest of September off. Once October rolls around, Hedgehogs Can't Swim will be back, embarking on my next ridiculously nerdy “Sonic” project.

And what is that, you ask? I will be reviewing every single episode of every single “Sonic the Hedgehog” cartoon, starting with “SatAM.”

Until then, thank you once again for reading. I will see you all very soon.