Archie's Weird Mysteries: Case of the Haunted Comic Shop

Archie's Weird Mysteries: Case of the Haunted Comic Shop
Publication Date: September 1999

It seems to me that the public's fascination with the supernatural has existed pretty much since the beginning of human civilization. We all want the afterlife, sea monsters, magic, ghosts, fairies, angels, demonic possession, psychic powers, Bigfoot, the Bermuda Triangle, aliens, Atlantis, el chupacabra, Santa Claus, pyramid power, and olgoi-khorkihoi to be real because it means the world is a more mysterious, exciting place than our mundane day-to-day existence makes it seem.

However, it appears to me that the supernatural was especially having a moment in the mid-to-late nineties. The decade was already awash with stories of E.S.P., ghost hunting, and alien abductions when “The X-Files” came along. The show became a cultural phenomenon and made snooping into the unknown an even bigger public obsession, especially on this newfangled thingamabob called the internet.

Unsurprisingly, there were a number of attempts to cash-in on “The X-Files'” popularity. Alongside other forgotten also-rans like “PSI Factor,” “FreakyLinks,” and “The Chronicle” was a very odd entry into the paranormal investigator canon known as “Archie's Weird Mysteries.” Yes, years before the world was introduced to Sexy Archie Who Fucks, America's oldest teenager took a side gig investigating aliens, ghosts, and vampires. Despite being so wholesome he once hocked comics for Jesus, somebody thought it was a good idea to have Archie Andrews and friends tangoing with the paranormal. This did make a certain degree of sense, considering Archie has been hanging out with Sabrina the Teenage Witch since the sixties and it's easy to imagine the Riverdale gang heading in a Scooby Doo-esque direction.

“Archie's Weird Mysteries” was an animated series, an American/French co-production, that originally ran for forty episodes from 1999 to 2000. The premise involved Riverdale becoming a magnet for bizarre events after a lab experiment went wrong. Archie and pals would then investigate these phenomenon, before the redhead would write about them for the school newspaper. Plot lines inevitably involved body-snatching potato aliens, insane supercomputers, alternate universes, time travel, Veronica becoming a giantess, cockroach humanoids, evil energy drinks, mummies, and robot football players.

The series wasn't just intended to teach kids about the supernatural. See, in the late nineties, federal pressures on television networks mandated that a certain number of hours of "educational content," targeted at the youth, be broadcast every week. All this mandate really accomplished was helping along the extinction of the Saturday morning cartoon and leading to the creation of a bunch of shitty TV shows. So each episode of “Archie's Weird Mysteries” also included a heavy-handed moral about some mundane topic like doing your homework, respecting your friends, not lying, etc. Though originally aired on PAX, “Archie's Weird Mysteries” would play for years afterwards at odd early morning hours on random networks, in order to comply with these new laws.

Even as a kid who loved spooky shit, I never bothered with the show. While I loved Archie Comics' “Sonic” book, the company's flagship character never interested me much. Archie Andrews and his perpetual love triangles were the definition of “lame” to my adolescent eyes. So  the cartoon show struck me pretty clearly as a cheaply animated knock-off. Despite that, the show has attracted a small cult following and was even released on DVD.

So why the fuck are we talking about “Archie's Weird Mysteries” on a Sonic the Hedgehog blog? Unsurprisingly, the Archie corporation would publish a comic series tying in with its titular character's latest show. In order to promote the new cartoon and its upcoming comic adaptation, a free mini-comic would be given away at shops in September of 1999. The freebie would also promote the then-latest iteration of “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” – an animated spin-off of the 90s sitcom – as well as a number of other Archie properties... Including, it turns out, Sonic the Hedgehog. Considering the spookiest day of the year is tomorrow, now seems like a good time to take a look at this incredibly obscure, spooky, scary Sonic adventure.

“The Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” has Archie heading to Riverdale's local dispenser of four-color frivolity to interview Damian Shockley, a horror comic artist, for his column on the weird and macabre. After Mr. Shockley arrives, Sabrina the Teenage Witch strolls into the shop, everyone immediately noticing she looks different. Shortly afterwards, Shockley's monster sketches all spring to life and attack the shop patrons. In order to combat these beastly threats, Shockley also draws a group of superheroes, including Sonic and Knuckles, to life. The heroes quickly beat the monsters into submission before fading away themselves. Archie and the Riverdale gang are then sucked into a green void before the day's events repeat themselves, minus all the monsters and magical shenanigans.

“Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” is all of fourteen pages long, which admittedly doesn't leave writer Paul Castiglia much to work with. Having said that, this is still an especially incoherent comic book. The plot is similar to the previous Archie/Sabrina/Sonic Halloween crossover, in that it involves Sonic and Knuckles escaping from a comic book into Archie's “real” world. However, no explanation is offered for why this weird shit is happening. Shockley's sketches just come to life with zero explanation and then vanish just as quickly. The cosmic reset that concludes the story – Sabrina returning to her traditional appearance and Damian Shockley looking less goth-y and deciding he doesn't want to draw horror comics anymore – is also totally unexplained. Is the entire story a dream Archie had? Or did he just experience some sort of temporal disturbance? Sabrina seems to have a headache at the story's end for no reason, suggesting this wasn't just a dream. But if you are looking for actual logic in this comic, don't bother. It's a totally empty series of events.

Not that the plot really matters. “Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” is a simple act of corporate promotion, with little interest in actual coherence. Sabrina looks strange to the Archie gang to correlate with her appearance in the new cartoon series and comic. Though it is weird that the comic makes a big deal of her new design, instead of just going with it. Secondly, the non-Sega superheroes that appear in this comic are also owned by Archie. Yes, Archie dug up some of the old MLJ superheroes again for this issue. The Comet, Steel Sterling, Blackjack, and the Shield all appear alongside Sonic and Knuckles. This was around the time Archie was publishing reprints of these obscure golden age characters, so their inclusion here was another promotional choice. (Though Castiglia kind of fucked up by not including MLJ's spookier heroes, the Hangman and the Web, in this Halloween special.)

But you guys probably don't give a shit about any of that stuff. What of the “Sonic” content? It's fairly minor, as you've probably already guessed. If you discount background appearances on comic covers, Sonic and Knuckles appear on four pages and in all of four panels. They fight some of the monsters, crack a bad pun while unwrapping a mummy, and pose with the superheroes. The highlight of their interactions here is Archie pointing out that Knuckles is also a redhead, as if that's some sort of great revelation. We don't even get a panel of Sonic and Knuckles fading out of existence with the other superheroes.

I want to say there is some novelty factor in seeing Sonic and Knuckles in such a bizarre circumstances. A part of me is mildly pleased to, once again, see Archie Comics considered Sonic and Knuckles as important to their legacy as the Riverdale guys and their shitty old superheroes. Yet this comic book isn't even as entertaining as “Archie & Friends: A Halloween Tale,” which at least devoted more time to the sight of Sonic and Knux interacting with the less wacky Archie cast. Though this one does earn points for having slightly more spooky Halloween content. I can't one-hundred percent hate a comic book where Sonic fights a mummy and a werewolf, though including both a dragon and a lizard-man among its collection of monsters is a little repetitive.

I have no idea if the “Archie's Weird Mysteries” comic book included the same type of moral lessons that the TV show did, since it wasn't beholden to federal mandates on children's television. However, “Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” does have a lesson. That would be “buy more comic books.” Much like “A Halloween Tale,” setting this issue in a comic shop was a deliberate choice to draw attention to the business. The special ends with the characters looking directly at the reader, while holding actual Archie Comics books, and reminding us that comics – which you can buy at your local shop! – make excellent Halloween treats. Though I never personally received comic books in my trick-or-treat bag, and probably would've preferred some chocolate if I had, I guess that idea has some merit.

Something else that makes this one-shot less interesting than “A Halloween Tale” is the artwork. While the previous Halloween special at least had Spaz drawing the Sonic characters, this entire issue is drawn by Bill Golliher. Golliher is competent at drawing the Archie gang, though if you've always found those characters slightly bland looking, this won't change your mind. But he's clearly inexperienced with the other characters. His take on the more cartoony Sabrina looks frequently odd and uncomfortable. His superheroes have generic massive chins and weirdly lumpy muscles. As for the Sonic cast members, they are always mildly off-model. Golliher seems to especially struggle with their eyes, which are always off-center, and I'm pretty sure he traced “Sonic Adventure”-era stock art in one panel.

Making its point even more obvious, “Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” ends by commanding readers to pick up the first issues of “Archie's Weird Mysteries” and the new “Sabrina” book. It's hard to imagine this lame freebie prompted too many people to do that. The “Archie's Weird Mysteries” comic was mildly successful, running for 35 issues and at least outlasting the cartoon show. Funny enough, it eventually dropped the “Weird” part from its title, the focus turning towards more grounded mysteries. (Years later, another mash-up of Archie and the macabre would be far more critically acclaimed...) As for the new “Sabrina” book, it was slightly more popular. It ran for 38 issues before receiving an anime-esque reboot that kept the series' numbering going for another six years.

Anyway, “Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” is pretty lame. Though odder than “A Halloween Tale,” it feels far more slapdash and limp. However, a part of me is glad there's this really weird, dumb bit of “Sonic” media out there that only we die-hards know exist. Happy Halloween, I guess. [4/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.09: Sonic's Nightmare

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.09: Sonic's Nightmare
Original Air Date: November 13th, 1993

Before we go any further, I want to talk about that writer credit on the title screen for a minute. Every week, I listen to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast, mostly because the screechy-voiced comedian loves classic monster movies and old showbiz stories as much as I do. (And the show usually has pretty good guests, in addition to being consistently hilarious.) Gilbert's co-host is Frank Santopadre, a longtime writer in daytime television with an encyclopedic knowledge of vintage pop culture. So when I saw Mr. Santopadre's name flash up as the writer of this episode, I was truly surprised. That Frank Santopadre? What are the odds!

It turns out, yes, years before he was gabbing on the internet about Cesar Romero's unnatural interest in orange wedges, Mr. Santopadre wrote a teleplay to an episode of the best “Sonic” show. It was Frank's sole contribution to “SatAM,” presumably robbing us of future hedgehog-related John McGiver references. However, Frank has a number of other writing credits for animation including a nine episode run on “The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries” and selected episodes of “CatDog,” “The Angry Beavers,” Eek! The Cat,” “Toonsylvania,” and “Archie's Weird Mysteries.” (But more on that show in a few days...)

On with the actual review! “Sonic's Nightmare” is an episode of SatAM I have very distinct memories of. As I've mentioned before, despite my love for it, “Sonic” was never a series I got to revisit as much as I wanted to. I had those VHS tapes, containing all of six episodes which I watched ragged, and would catch the occasional rerun. But most of these episodes I only saw once as a kid. I definitely only saw “Sonic's Nightmare” once but the image of the titular phantasm – of Sonic racing towards Sally as she's roboticized before his very eyes – really stuck with me.

I remember I was distractedly playing with some toys on the family rug when I looked up just in time to see Sally scream in agony, which made me freeze in my spot. It's a moment I've never forgotten, even though I didn't see the episode again until the DVD release in 2007. That memory alone is the real reason this episode ranked on the list of spookiest “Sonic” moments I put together a while back. Making it all the more appropriate that this review should get posted in the back-end of October, officially the spoopiest time of the year. (Though ABC, in their infinite dumbassery, originally aired this one just after the Halloween season ended.)

So what exactly are the details of this particular episode? Sonic is awoken by a startling nightmare, where he's repeatedly delayed in rescuing Sally from the roboticizor, her mocking voice ringing in his ears, before he stumbles to his death from a collapsing bridge. The hedgehog is seriously shaken, though he won't admit it. That day, Nicole discovers a Robotnik broadcast that he's planning on seeding the clouds above a near-by island with pollutants, creating acid rain. Sally, Bunnie, and Antoine go undercover in SWATBot disguises but are soon captured. Sonic has to race into action to rescue his friends but finds himself shaken by the memories of his nightmare.

“Sonic's Nightmare” has a really interesting premise. Once again, it's cool to see Sonic face a mental, rather than physical, challenge. Especially one that originates entirely in his own mind. The hedgehog is suppose to be unflappable after all, far too fast and cool to be shaken by anything, so there's definite value in seeing him so shaken. That's the kind of thing good writing is suppose to do, put its characters in new situations that expand their personality and history. Once again, Sonic being so vulnerable is exactly the kind of thing Sega would probably never allow today, with their ridiculous corporate mandates about how the character can be portrayed. And that gives this episode a lot of value.

However, I wish “Sonic's Nightmare” handled things with a little more balance. I suppose a deep dive into Sonic's psychological trauma would be too much to ask. However, the episode really skims over the importance of Sonic's nightmare and what it means to him personally. Obviously, he's scared of loosing Sally, of failing his friends, and loosing the war. Instead of really exploring his personal connection to these ideas, the episode just lets it lay. Clearly, he's really upset by these thoughts because, later in the episode, a reminder of these events – which are very different from what he actually dreamed – causes him to freeze up. I wish “Sonic's Nightmare” utilized the trauma of that nightmare and how it reflects Sonic's personal fears a little more deeply.

And how does that nightmare sequence, which made such an impact on young-me, hold up? Parts of it are still very effective. In one particular reprise, we actually see Sally's body turn into a machine. Her face locks in a scream and Kath Soucie gives us her absolute best blood-curdling shriek. That moment is pretty great. However, some of the other nightmare scenes are kind of goofy. There's a certain cliched quality to Sonic getting his feet caught in Mega Muck. The reframe of Sally repeating “Where were you when the brains were handed out?” becomes campy pretty quickly. The nightmare sequences are all depicted in a blurry, “dream” quality, which really distracts from their effectiveness. Overall, it's frustrating that “Sonic's Nightmare” isn't scarier because it comes really close to being genuinely creepy.

In general, I'm sad to say, Mr. Santopadre's script leaves a bit to be desired. There are a number of questionable writing decisions made throughout “Sonic's Nightmares.”  The action sequences are somewhat underwhelming. At one point, Sonic is outrunning a hedgehog-tracking giant fireball, which he defeats by leading into the water. That's the kind of action beat I feel like the series has been leaning on a little too much here of late. Not long after that, he drops some SWATBot into the same water, causing them to short-circuit. Shit, are you telling me that Robotnik doesn't waterproof his death-machines? The climax of Sonic burrowing into the earth to activate an old oil well, which then splatters the cloud-seeder out of the sky, is perhaps not the most elegant solution to this particular problem we could've gotten.

In the last act, several dramatic events happen one after the other. Once again, the Power Ring is used as an all-purpose plot fixer, when Sonic uses it to short out the electrified force field holding his friends in their cage. After that, the island most of the episode is set on begins to sink into the ground for no identifiable reason I can see. While escaping the falling cloud-seeder, Snively and Robotnik fly off in one of his hovercrafts that just happens to have perfect stealth abilities. Gee, why couldn't Robotnik outfit more, if not all, of his weapons of war with that particular piece of technology? That seems like the kind of thing that could utterly devastate his enemies! Yet it's just something introduced to weasel out of a plot hole at the very end – the Freedom Fighters and the bad guys going their separate ways, so the battle can continues next week – not because it actually contributes to the deeper lore or logic of the setting.

Some of the episode's flaws might just because it was a writer-for-hire job. Santopadre really piles in on the character's catch phrases. Sonic talks about juicin' so much in this episode, you'd think he was a professional baseball player. Tails even uses that particular line, after being momentarily convinced by the sight of Sally in a SWATBot helmet. Bunnie, meanwhile, spouts off far too many folksy slang terms for my taste. She repeatedly calls Sonic “ol' sugar-hog” in a way that proves a little distracting. She even gets a bad pun about a “sinking sensation” as the island begins to be consumed by the earth at the end.

The series' ecological element plays a large role here too. The entire plot of the episode, after all, revolves around the Freedom Fighters trying to prevent Robotnik from purposely creating acid rain. That I have no problem with. What bugs me is we never actually get a motivation why Robotnik wants to do this so much. What strategic advantage is there in making corroding chemicals rain from the sky? I thought maybe this would've been another way to strip the Great Forest and reveal Knothole but, if it is, that's never mentioned. Mostly, it seems Robotnik wants to do this because he's a bad guy in a nineties kids cartoon and destroying the environment for no reason is just their thing

Yet, like even the weakest episode of “SatAM,” “Sonic's Nightmares” is still worth watching for a number of really adorable character moments. While disguise as the SWATBots, the fearful Antoine has to work extra-hard to keep his knees from shaking, which is a cute touch. The episode concludes with an adorable scene of Sonic having a sensual dream, Sally reacting with blushing... Before she realizes he's dreaming about a chili dog. Also, when Robotnik thinks he has a chance to fire a missile at the Freedom Fighters, the mechanism won't operate. This is also a bullshit writing decision but it does lead to Jim Cummings' screaming in deranged, frustrated rage which is always fun to witness.

Also, there are some noticeable animation errors in this one. SWATBots are seen repetitively milling about in the background of one scene. All the characters go weirdly off-model at one point, getting stretchier out of the blue. I really wish “Sonic's Nightmare” worked a little better for me on this rewatch. You have no idea how ashamed I am to give this anything less than a 7/10. It's possible my childhood memories of this one are a little too big and bold, making the real thing seem less impressive in comparison. [6/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.08: Hooked on Sonics

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.08: Hooked on Sonics
Original Air Date: October 30th, 1993

As I was watching the opening credits to “Hooked on Sonics” – another catchy but meaningless title that's also a pop culture references you goddamn zoomers won't understand – a name seemed familiar. This episode was written by Randy Rogel. Mr. Rogel might be a recognized name to some of the bigger nerds in the audience. Mr. Rogel wrote many episodes of “Batman: The Animated Series” and “Animaniacs.” In fact, he created most of the songs for the latter series and even won an Emmy for his songwriting. In recent history, Rogel has even gone on-tour as a musical performer. Sadly, “Hooked on Sonics” was the only time Mr. Rogel would cross paths with “Sonic,” denying us Antoine performing a musical ode to all the countries of Mobius.

“Hooked on Sonics” begins with a new giant robot of Robotnik's –  known as the Shredder, because this show really wasn't concerned about swiping names from other well-known cartoons of the time -  cleaving down trees and zapping their energy away. Sonic quickly defeats the machine, getting more praise from the Freedom Fighters. This incenses Antoine, who is still vying for Sally's romantic attention. After an innocent comment from Rotor about what could possibly impress the princess, Antoine gets the crazy idea to capture Robotnik. He lures the villain out with a Power Ring, traps him, and immediately has the tables turned. The mad doctor uses the ring to recharge the Shredder and build a special laser cannon that can track the hedgehog, forcing Sonic to approach much more cautiously as he goes to rescue his quote-unquote friend.

If “Harmonic Sonic” had a side-purpose of developing Rotor, “Hooked on Sonics” is partially devoted to beefing up Antoine's personality. Up to this point, the cowardly coyote has just been comic relief. He provides some of that here too, with his ridiculous mispronunciation of “fool.” The character's general mixture of patheticness and ego certainly veers towards humor. Yet Antoine learns a lesson here. After he overvalues himself and nearly gets roboticized by Robotnik, Sonic has to save him... Whether than getting pissed at him for giving their greatest enemy their most advantageous weapon, everyone forgives the guy. It's a quiet character moment that speaks volume. And the episode circles back around to humor at the end, as Antoine let's his ego get in the way while recounting the events from his point of view.

Antoine's plan going wrong and Sonic having to rescue him was probably enough of a premise for one episode. Curiously, “Hooked on Sonics” throws in another premise that an entire episode easily could've been built around. With the Power Ring, Robotnik can utilize a radar that tracks Sonic every time he uses his superspeed. Once again, the episode forces the hero to use something other than his speed to save the day. (Sonic is also without the plot-resolving Power Ring, as they only generate once every 24 hours.) Granted, this is pretty similar to what the show did with “Super Sonic.” Still, it's a concept I always like, to see our hero challenged in a way beyond his usual skill set. Though, to be fair, those massive explosions he gets up from probably should have killed him, twice no less...

“Hooked on Sonics” is another episode I had on VHS as a kid. I can definitely recall watching it many times. Something that always stuck out to me about this one was the design of the Shredder  (Which was given the less copyright infringing name of the Shredbot in the comics.) Those giant spider-crab legs are a neat sight and mesh in an entertainingly incongruous way with the giant buzzsaws at the end of its arms. Another odd but endearing element are the telescoping tentacles that extended from its stereotypical robot face. There are blinking eyes at the end of these red tentacles, another likable design choice. The robots have always had a kind of quirky style on this how and I can appreciate that.

“Hooked on Sonics” does have a notable flaw and, perhaps, it's the reason Mr. Rogel only wrote this one episode of “Sonic.” The action scenes are repetitive, each of them following the exact same pattern. Sonic defeats the first Shredder by leading its tentacles into the path of its saw blades or entangling the legs with the same tentacles. Later, Sonic turns the radar against his opponents, leading the blast in his direction before dodging them, making Robotnik destroy his own robots. Later, he misdirects some SWATBots into blasting an important module. Ya know, if that technique worked once, that would be one thing. Having it worked four times in the course of one episode is a bit much.

Yet I'm continuously impressed with how intimidating the network censors and executives allowed Robotnik to be. After Antoine captures the dictator in his primitive pit trap, the mad scientist simply flies out with his rocket boots. He immediately overpowers the coyote strictly with his force of personality. Later, he takes pure, sadistic joy when announcing that he intends to roboticize Antoine. Naturally, we all know Sonic is going to rescue his buddy but the scenes of the terrified Freedom Fighter being dragged to the roboticizer could've been pretty hopeless and bleak. After all, this show already subjected Cat to the same fate.

Lastly, “Hooked on Sonics” is notable for teasing Sonic/Sally shippers even harder than ever before. After taking down the first Shredder, Sally and Sonic share a kiss in the middle of the village. Which is then followed by an even more extended kiss. By the standards of a nineties kids cartoon, this is basically the equivalent of getting laid. That it's then followed up by some belligerent flirtations between the hedgehog and the princess only furthers the romantic tone. Later, after Antoine starts pontificating, the two run off together... Probably to bone. I mean, come on. These two could not be hornier for each other.

Anyway! “Hooked on Sonics” is a pretty fun episode! It's got a cool robot, some decent writing, fun interaction between the characters, and packs enough ideas int hat it moves along quickly. It's not an especially high-water mark for the series but is, nevertheless, a strong one. [7/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.07: Harmonic Sonic

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.07: Harmonic Sonic
Original Air Date: November 6th, 1993

As I've said in the past, I don't have too many memories of catching “SatAM” in re-runs. While the Saturday morning earrings on ABC were absolutely appointment television for me, the later re-airrings on USA's Cartoon Express usually got by me. However, “Harmonic Sonic – the second contribution from writer David Villaire – is one I definitely recall seeing on that network. Mainly because I was half-asleep, not even out of bed yet, when I began surfing through the channels and stumbled right into a weird-ass scene of Sonic arguing with some alien-looking robots in a space-bar. You'd have to forgive me for wondering if I hadn't dreamed the entire episode, under those circumstances.

Anyway, the plot of “Harmonic Sonic” – I'll explain what the fuck is up with that title in a minute – concerns Robotnik launching a spy satellite, nicknamed Sky Spy, into orbit around Mobius. The Freedom Fighters become aware of this after one of the booster rockets crashes into the Great Forest. After locating Sky Spy and deciphering its coded radio signals, Sally determines that Robotnik is dangerously close to uncovering Knothole's location. So Rotor retrofits the booster rocket into an actual space-worthy vehicle, flying him and Sonic up into orbit, where they hope to sneak aboard Sky Spy and disable it before it's too late.

I've already spoke some about how “SatAM” would establish a formula for itself fairly early on. It sure seems like a lot of these episodes are about Sonic, Sally, and one or two other Freedom Fighters seeking into Robotropolis to sabotage some new factory or operations of Robotnik's. Usually, this set-up is just a spring-board for the episode's actual premise but you can't help but notice this reoccurring element. While “Harmonic Sonic” eventually does zero in on Sonic and Rotor taking down a new inventions of Robotnik's, it is interesting that a good chunk of the episode is based out of Knothole. That it's about the Freedom Fighters noticing a direct threat to themselves and their home base and working out a plan from there. It's a good variation on things.

Throughout my early Archie comic reviews, I commented on how important the plot device of Knothole Village being hidden was, of Robotnik's constant search to locate the Freedom Fighter's home base. I know this plot point was a constant present in my “SatAM”-inspired playtimes as a kid. Of course, as an adult, I recognize that there was an easy solution to Robotnik's problem here: He could just get his StealthBots to carpet-bomb the entire forest. Sure, maybe he wants to use the natural resources present in the woods but... Robotnik sure doesn't seem to care about utilizing the natural environment for anything else. “Harmonic Sonic,” of course, does nothing to address this probably because I'm a nerd who overthinks a children's cartoon.

What I think this episode was truly setting out to do was boost Rotor as a character. Up until this point, Rotor hasn't done too much in this show, beside helping invent some devices around the village or build an airplane. Here, Rotor goes on the adventure with Sonic and the audience gets a good look at his personality. The walrus is driven primarily by empathy. While investigating the booster rocket, he discourages Tails from touching it, for fear that it's hot. At the end of the episode, after directly helping save all his friends, Sally and Sonic dedicate a cheer to their friend... Who isn't there, because he's more busy making a hair styling device for Sonic. Because Rotor doesn't care about the rewards – maybe even dislike them, due to shyness – but does care about helping people.

Thus far, season one of “SatAM” has indulge more in the fantasy element of the series. “Harmonic Sonic” shifts the focus back to the science fiction of things. And it's an endearingly nutty type of sci-fi, clearly influenced by European science fiction comics. (For example, those drawn by Moebius.) The episode begins with Robotnik loading a bunch of bizarre looking robots, which definitely don't seem to be Robians but I'm not sure what else they could be, into the Sky Spy's shuttle. After Sonic and Rotor sneak aboard the satellite, we get a closer look at these guys. There's a pink dude with multiple hands, a green squid-like creature that attacks Sonic in a likely homage to “Alien,” just to name two.

The reason “Harmonic Sonic” seems to be influenced by wacky European sci-fi comics is because it's ripping off “Star Wars” again, which ripped off those same comics. All those wacky robots congregate in a bar where they listen to weird electronic music, clearly a nod towards those infamous Jizz Wailers. And this sequence is the entire fucking reason the episode is called “Harmonic Sonic.” See, Sonic improvises a robot costume out some random shit he finds laying around. He makes a deal with a neat looking saxophone headed bot that he can rock harder. He fails so spectacular that he still somehow ends up tricking the robot into giving him the info he needs. After which his cover is blown and he has to escape.

I know, I know, I hate it when reviews just degraded into descriptions of the plot too. But I really felt like I needed to unpack that particular series of events. It really feels like some executive made the decision from on high that there had to be a sequence where Sonic plays in a rock band. And this was the convoluted way the writers incorporated that. Or maybe professional screenwriters just make shit up on the fly sometimes. I don't know, I've never written on a television deadline before. Maybe it really do be like that sometimes.

Is the whole “Catina  Bar”/robot battle-of-the-bands (that actually somehow advances the plot of the episode) sequence good or bad? I mean, it's certainly not boring. Sonic's music is objectively bad and the rowdy robotic crowd tells him as much. It's actually sort of refreshing to see the hero demonstrably fail at something before. Especially since the hedgehog has been shown to be somewhat musically competent before. I also like how Sonic ends up tricking the other machine into giving him the intel he needs. I always like to see Sonic outsmart his opponents, instead of solely relying on his speedy superpowers. I definitely feel like there was a less twisting path to get to that particular solution though.

So, anyway, what the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah, actually providing some insight into this particular episode. Another moment I really enjoy occurs when Sonic and Rotor first get up in orbit. They look down on Mobius and comment that, from this distance, it's actually beautiful. You can't tell that Robotnik has destroyed the world from up here. This causes the heroes to renew their determination to save the world. Yet there's something poignant about this moment. The world is ruined but it doesn't look that way. Sonic and Rotor might be feeling some hope here but it's a false sort of hope.

Even though Sonic and Rotor are the primary focus of this episode, I continue to find little character interactions that continue to help build up the other cast member's personalities. While helping rebuild the booster rocket, Bunnie and Antoine are on rope duty. (Even though the super-strong cyborg probably doesn't need his help.) The little dialogue exchange they have is cute, even if it leads to a moment of off-model animation for Antoine. There are other minor exchanges like this, in Sally's leadership or Tails' curiosity. I just enjoy spending time with these characters.

Also, by this point, the abusive relationship between Robotnik and Snively has grown from intended comic relief, to a disturbing depiction of physical abuse between family members.. Back to being darkly funny comedy now. Poor Snively just constantly fucks up and gets his ass whipped. Now I'm just envisioning Robotnik beating Snively for every minor offense possible. He puts an empty container back in the fridge, leaves the toilet seat up, or whatever, and there's Robotnik right there behind him, ready to smack the ever-loving shit out of him.

It might not sound like I enjoyed this episode but I actually think it's really good. Even with that bizarre digression involving the robo-band. This is the role nostalgia plays: If you have enough of an emotional connection to something, bad writing becomes endearing too! And, honestly, the musical sequence aside, this is a totally solid half-hour of children's television. I'm sorry this review sucked. I'll do better next time, I promise. [7/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.06: Sonic Racer

Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.06: Sonic Racer
Original Air Date: October 23rd, 1993

As I mentioned in the previous review, I had several episodes of “SatAM” on VHS tapes as a kid. Looking it up, it seems six episodes were released across three tapes through the “DiC Toon Time Video” label. The first tape highlighted upcoming episode “Hooked on Sonics,” the third highlighted the previously reviewed “Super Sonic,” while the third release promoted “Sonic Racer” on the box. Upon looking at them, I'm fairly certain I had all three tapes. During those long years in-between “SatAM” disappearing from the airways and Shout Factory releasing the entire series on DVD in 2007, I definitely watched these tapes over and over again. And of the six collected episodes, “Sonic Racer” was definitely my favorite.

Once again, we must observe the formula. “Sonic Racer” is another episode that begins with Sonic and Sally (and also Bunnie) sneaking into Robotropolis to destroy one of Robotnik's generators. The mission is a success... But Robotnik just activates his back-up generator, voiding the Freedom Fighters' efforts. Nevertheless, the robotic tyrant is infuriated that Sonic got one over on him. He formulates a scheme with Snively to appeal to Sonic's ego: Throw a race to determine the fastest thing on Mobius, have Sonic naturally show to such an event, and throw as many pitfalls at him as possible. This includes a super-fast new robot specifically designed to match Sonic's speed. This is obviously a trap but Sonic shows up to the race anyway, claiming he'll be a distraction while the others work on destroying that back-up generator.

I have no doubt that “Sonic Racer” must've been among the earliest episode Len Jansen pitched. The premise is pretty much inevitable, isn't it? Sonic goes super fast. Eventually, we were going to get an episode structured around a race. What I especially appreciate about “Sonic Racer” though is how it plays up Sonic's flaws, not just his strengths. Obviously, he recognizes the race is a trap, as does everyone else. But he can't resist a chance to showboat. There's something like a moral here. Sonic ultimately sacrifices his chance at winning to save his friend, showing his heroism ultimately does outweigh his ego.

It's not exactly a humbling experience for the hedgehog though. Yes, he nearly dies a few times during the race. What racing through what is clearly last episode's Forbidden Zone, he nearly gets dragged into one of those bumbling sulfur pits by one of those mechanical crab claws. However, he remains especially quip-filled throughout the entire episode, both before and after. The opening sequence has him taunting one SWATBot after another, being super annoying in that typically Sonic way. After the super-fast Cheetah robot tosses Sonic into the air with an arm that extends from its back – an image that has been seared into my memory since childhood – he simply swings down from a conveniently placed flagpole, never breaking a sweat. But I guess that's in keeping with Sonic's personality.

Yet I suspect Sonic's lack of sweating over his tight situation probably isn't what drew me to this episode as a kid. More likely, it was the pretty cool action scenes the race sequence sets up. Sonic weaving in and around the Hover Units as they race through a tight canal is cool, as it that scene ending with one of the Units crashing directly into a wall. The Cheetah Bot – it's never given an official name – is a pretty cool one-off enemy. I really like the design, which invokes a skeleton and a reptile in addition to a cheetah. A villain that can match Sonic's speed certainly ups the tension through the episode, as Sonic is surprised and tangles with the robotic beastie.

Sonic and the race is obviously the star attraction here but there are other elements that work for me. Once again, the scenes of the Freedom Fighters sneaking around Robotropolis are surprisingly tense. As intelligent as Sally is, as strong as Bunnie is, there's always this lingering sense they really could be captured at any time. The very first minute of the episode is an evocative shot of Hover Units floating through the sludge-clogged, darkened areas of Robotropolis. That pulsating music plays as Sally and Bunnie attempt to overload the generator's computer, making what probably could've been simple kid's stuff in other hands into something more serious.

This is also a quality episode for Robotnik and Snively fans. Robotnik seems to especially relish his villainy here. I'm just now noticing that Robotnik almost never calls Sonic by his name, instead referring to him as “the hedgehog.” As if to show the hero is so beneath him, he can hardly be bothered to remember his name. Though he's also not self-aware enough to realize that his own ego is something he has in common with Sonic. There are two separate moments where Robotnik's eyes glow red, making him appear even more sinister. Snively is certainly sympathetic, up to a point. He sweats and panics as Robotnik gets increasingly pissed at him, as his schemes fail. Yet Robotnik's number one toady also seems to really enjoy plotting villainously.

(Though Robotnik's villainy is still chained by the standards of children's broadcasting. When Sonic shows up to the race in a red cloak, Robotnik goes up to the starting line and talks with him briefly... Instead of just, ya know, shooting him dead right then and there. Best I can fan-wank this is Robotnik's own ego insist he see Sonic fall to one of his plans, instead of opportunistically poppin' a cap in his hedgehog ass.)

And if you are into “SatAM” for the shipping – consider me guilty as charged - “Sonic Racer” provides some serious grist for the SonAlly crowd. When Sonic gets the notice about the race, Sally tells him its absolutely a trap. She expresses some concern about this – Kath Soucie's delivery of this dialogue is so goddamn good and genuine – that is a little more than just the sort of worry you express over a friend or teammate. After he heads off to the race, Sally is kept up at night, looking longingly out the window of a hut while Bunnie reads Tails a bedtime story. Okay, duh, there's no doubt Sonic and Sally are clearly a romantic couple. She gives him a kiss during the theme song of every episode, after all. But it makes this dead husk of a heart of my pump again when I see these cartoon characters expressing feelings for each other.

This is in general a good episode for the Freedom Fighters, with the exception of Rotor who is literally reduced to a background role here. Bunnie is so friggin' adorable here, Christina Cavanaugh's performance rarely sounding more warm and loving. Her dialogue with Sally during the first mission, her teasing of Antoine during the second mission, her reading “Little Red Riding Hood” to Tails (which features a reference to, uh, a “one-eyed snake”): They are all endearing as hell. Tails, though his part is minor, is pretty cute too, cheering Sonic on when he decides to participate in the race. And, of course, there's Antoine who is a cowardly buffoon all throughout the episode and nearly gets killed at the end. Really makes you wonder why he's ever invited along on missions.

The episode concludes on a striking note. The back-up generator is destroyed, presumably setting Robotnik's various machinations back quite a while. Sally delivers a rousing speech to the residents of Knothole around a campfire, assuring them that Mobius will be free of Robotnik's tyranny soon enough. It's a triumphant moment but one that you really feel like the heroes have earned. Probably because Sally's disappointment earlier in the episode was so palatable. Also, look around that fireplace for likely inspirations for Archie's Dylan the Porcupine, and Geoffrey St. John, as well as the second appearance of the pig that definitely became Hamlin.

The episode has its flaws. That Sonic never actually gets to defeat the Cheetah Bot is disappointing. There's some janky animation, including a really weird close-up on Robotnik's clenching and unclenching fist. Overall, however, “Sonic Racer” is a really strong episode. Is nostalgia clouding my judgment? Probably no more than usual! Therefore my opinion is totally objective and unquestionable. [8/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.05: Super Sonic

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.05: Super Sonic
Original Air Date: October 16th, 1993

“Super Sonic” is, in a way that is likely insignificant to most other fans of the series, an important episode of “SatAM.” This was one of several episodes I had on a VHS tape as a kid and I watched it repeatedly throughout my youth. But this episode may, in fact, be the first piece of “Sonic” media I ever consumed. Let me explain.

A ten minute chunk of “Super Sonic” first aired, the night before SatAM's proper premiere the next Saturday, as part of ABC's 1993 Saturday Morning Preview special. To you young'uns in the audience, to whom the idea of special cartoons only airing on Saturday must seem very strange, let me assure you: Saturday morning was when the really hot shit cartoons were shown. At the time, the Saturday exclusives were considered such a big deal that networks would often run prime time specials a night or two before to introduce kids and their families to what was new that season.

Usually, the events were hosted by stars of other shows on the network. (Sometimes in character, as if you were watching a normal sitcom that just happen to focus around cartoon clips.) It was all a bit of inter-corporate back-patting and marketing, a way to convince kids of how special the in-coming Saturday morning line-ups were. The six years old in 1989 probably really did think something along the lines of: “The stars of “Perfect Strangers” being excited for “Disney's Adventures of the Gummi Bears” validates my own excitement for the same series!”

But, let me tell you, that shit fucking worked. I was a regular watcher of the preview specials for years and was always glued to my TV on Saturday mornings. In 1993, ABC's Saturday Morning Preview was hosted by the stars of “Hangin' with Mister Cooper” and prominently featured a clip from “Super Sonic.” Also included were clips of “The Wild West C.O.W. Boys of Moo Mesa,” the then-current “Addams Family” cartoon, “Tales from the Cryptkeeper,” “Cro” – does anyone else remember “Cro?” – and whatever the hell “City Kids” was. (The preview special also features an earlier version of the “SatAM” theme song, which is mildly interesting.)

I have extremely distinct memories of watching this special. Except I remember it being hosted by the “Steps by Steps” kids, who apparently handled the previous year. I'm not going to chalk this up to some Mandela Effect multi-dimensional tomfoolery and will instead just assume that I saw both as a kid and that my memory is garbage. Naturally, some kind soul with a blurry VHS recording of the special has uploaded it to YouTube. In case you were wondering, Raven Symone talking about Sonic the Hedgehog is, in fact, the most '90s thing to ever exist.

Anyway, wow! That was a meandering introduction! “Super Sonic” begins with Rotor, Bunnie, and Sally working on creating a waterwheel for Knothole, to provide the Freedom Fighters with some hydro-power. In the process, Sally discovers Nicole is suffering a major malfunction. She and Sonic heads to Robotropolis to find the missing part, where they are chased into “the Forbidden Zone.” This is the resting place of legendary evil wizard, Lazaar, who is always accompanied by his towering Guardian. Robotnik is watching the whole affair and decides to venture into the Forbidden Zone and retrieve Lazaar's computer of magic spells. Sonic also tries to pursue these magic spells, for Good, and ends up getting his speed zapped away by the wizard, who is going through a crisis of conscience these days.

Ya know, it's surprising that ABC chose this episode for the Saturday morning preview, because it's pretty plotty. Yet I think I can deduce why. While on his path into the Forbidden Zone, Sonic has to run through a gauntlet of crushing presses, snapping robot arms, giant pendulum, and vents spewing fire. This is actually the first time “SatAM” resembles a video game in any way, which probably made this episode a good choice from a marketing stand-point.

As a kid, “Super Sonic” – and this can be said of “SatAM” in general as well – struck a chord with me because of the way it casually combines sci-fi and fantasy tropes. This is obviously predominantly a science fiction series, what with its robots and high-tech computers. Yet this is the second episode in a row where magic is an explicit plot point. Lazaar is straight-up a classical wizard, shooting magical bolts from his fingers and casting spells. Yet, as a good example of the shows genre blending, he doesn't store his arcane knowledge in a grimorie but on a computer... That just happens to look like a blinged out crystal. It's cool, weird shit, is the point I'm getting at.

And while I'm glad Lazaar and his grimacing sentinel of a guardian were a one-off threat, they are pretty neat. Up until this point, the only version of villainy that existed in this show hasn't been especially ambiguous. Robotnik luxuriates in his own evilness, Snively is a scheming goony, and the SWATBots are literal robotic servants. Lazaar, meanwhile, feels bad about his legacy of wrong deeds, seeking some redemption. He's even something of a classical trickster figure, taking away Sonic's speed as a way to truly test the hedgehog's heroic mettle. It is definitely surprising that no other “Sonic” media has dug deeper into this character and his history. The comics featured a Forbidden Zone but as a blasted-out nuclear desert outside Robotropolis, not a secluded and dangerous part of the actual city.

This episode is also a good example of how indebted “SatAM” is to “Star Wars.” Lazaar talks in a manner not dissimilar to Yoda, that pseudo-backwards kind of syntax. Though more ominous than Yoda, he's still something like a wise old mentor figure. Lazzar's Guardian, meanwhile, looks a lot like Darth Vader. To the point where when he discover that's his actual face and not an inexpressive mask, I was surprised. Outside of Lazaar's lair – which also resembles the kind of thing you'd find in a galaxy far, far away – are bubbling pits of liquid that snapping animal claws reach out of, which seems like the kind of thing you'd see on Degobah or Tattoonie or another one of those planet with a stupid George Lucas name.

So obviously “Super Sonic” is an episode I clearly have a lot of nostalgia for. Which makes me wish it was a little better than it actually is. Sonic loosing his speed should be a huge determent to the character, as its his defining super power and his main attribute. However, instead of building the entire half-hour around this, its just one small part of an episode with a little too much story. Likewise, when Robotnik is scrolling through Lazaar's list of spells, he uses the “slavery and submission” spells to brainwash Sally and Bunnie. (In case you were wondering whether Robotnik is a dom or not...) This too feels like it probably should've been a bigger part of the episode, instead of just another thing that happens in the last third. The Freedom Fighter's leader and its strongest member being turned against our heroes should've been a bigger deal.

Still, as always, it is fun watching these characters interact. The opening scene, where Bunnie and Rotor have some banter while building the waterwheel, is a lot of fun.That pays off in a great way at the end of the episode when Sonic finally sees the fruit of all this effort – a single light bulb flickering on – and is soundly underwhelmed.  Bunnie actually gets to kick some ass later, doing a flipping kick into a SWATBot, which is nice to see. So is the required amount of Sonic and Sally bickering/flirting. This episode also marks the first time in this series – and maybe in all of “Sonic” media? – that the hedgehog has a stated affinity for chili dogs.

Even though this is the fifth episode of “SatAM” to air, and the internet tells me it was the sixth to air, I can't help but wonder if it wasn't produced earlier. In addition to being part of that special preview, the animation style reminds me more of the pilot than the other episodes of “SatAM.” the animation is a little looser and cartoonier, the character having slightly more bounce and stretch to them. That might just be me. Also, it's weird that Tails and Antoine are completely absent from this episode. Sorry if I rambled off-topic but y'all are probably use to that by now. “Super Sonic” isn't an all-timer but there are things about it that I like, so it gets a [7/10.]

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.04: Sonic and the Secret Scrolls

Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.04: Sonic and the Secret Scrolls
Original Air Date: October 9th, 1993

Most of the behind-the-scenes crew on “SatAM” worked largely in children's television and animation, before and after. Which is unsurprisingly, as cartoon folks get use to writing for a very specific audience. Janis Diamond's background, at first, was much the same. She started with eighties cartoon garbage like “The Gary Coleman Show,” “Rubik, the Amazing Cube,” “Mister T,” and “Lazer Tag Academy,” while also occasionally working on slightly better regarded garbage like “He-Man,” “Alvin and the Chipmunks,” “Sectaurs,” and “Beetlejuice.” However, Miss Diamond kept on trucking and eventually successfully transitioned to live action dramas like “Brimstone,” “Bull,” and several iterations of “Law & Order.” Along the way, Diamond would write a single episode of “SatAM,” “Sonic and the Secret Scrolls.”

Sonic is presented with a surprise: An aircraft that Rotor and Sally have cobbled together. The purpose of this vehicle is to traveled to Maga, a mysterious ancient temple deep within the Mobius Great Mountains, accessible only via the air. The temple is home to the Secret Scrolls, legendary relics from a long lost civilizations that are said to contain great power. Though nobody, including King Acorn, has located the scrolls, Sally is determined to find them. After arriving at the temple, Sonic and the Freedom Fighters have to brave a number of booby traps... Unknowingly, Robotnik is right behind them.

It's hard to understate the effect the “Indiana Jones” series had on the pop culture world of my youth. Despite, or maybe because of, the decade long hiatus Spielberg and Lucas' fedora-clad, whip-slinging adventurer was on at the time, you wouldn't have to search far to find stuff obviously indebted to them. So “SatAM” taking a slap at the Jonesian adventure, right down to the “Hero and the Magic MacGuffin” title construction, wasn't surprising. “Sonic and the Secret Scrolls” was obviously inspired by “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” the heroes navigating a temple filled with traps that double as tests of characters.

To we hardcore “Sonic” nerds, “Secret Scrolls” is especially interesting for what it hints at. The episode seems to set up a deeper mythology for the series. Now, in addition to the ruins of the previous kingdom that Robotnik's new empire has replaced, Mobius is littered with relics from even older civilization. The temple of Maga is filled with hieroglyphics, a language that can only be read thanks to Nicole's built-in translator. These very old words seem to suggest whatever civilization built Maga isn't exactly the same as the Freedom Fighters or Robotnik. Their relics are literally magical and in-tune with the Earth in an even more direct way than the Freedom Fighters. Sadly, the series would never really get to delve much further into these elements – and the comic would never address it at all – but it certainly fires the imagination.

Much like “Ultra Sonic,” “The Secret Scrolls” gets a lot out of just depicting the Freedom Fighters working together as a team. I get the feeling I should be annoyed by Antoine being such an aggressively goofy comic relief character but I actually find his gags here – getting air-sick while in the plane and doing lots of cowering, sometimes to the annoyance of the others – actually made me chuckle a little. Honestly, that opening beat of Tails and Bunnie blindfolding Sonic before presenting him with the plane, is really cute. Rotor's confidence in his plane and Bunnie's general cuteness throughout the episode really elevates the earlier scenes here. It's fun, especially to someone like me who loves these characters, just to watch them interact.

Sadly, the episode looses a lot of momentum the minute the Freedom Fighters arrive at the Temple of Maga. And that's largely because the tests-of-character/booby traps the heroes encounter are not as exciting as they perhaps could've been. Sonic and the gang rush through a giant hedge – and not a single hedgehog joke in sight – that fills in behind them. The gang has to climb atop a giant stone couch that then flies into the air. A really baffling sequence has the titular scrolls being obscured by a blinding light, that Sally has to sum up some courage to step up too... Though why, I sincerely do not know. Not until a giant wind tunnel is introduced, which essentially acts as an Old Faithful-like geyser but with air instead of water, do you actually feel like Maga is as dangerous as its reputation implies.

Things do perk up considerably once Robotnik and Snively show up. In fact, the villain's appearance near the end of the episode is genuinely unexpected, considering he was only mentioned in passing up to that point. His entrance – barging into Maga's inner sanctum with an army of SWATBots, just out of the blue – is pretty good. He deploys a spy-drone that can keep up with Sonic, firing laser blast that Sonic can only barely out-run, which is a good action sequence. How Sonic utilizes the air tunnel to defeat Robotnik and his troops is a nice moment, showing his thinking is quick too, even if the show continues to utilize the Power Ring as an all-purpose plot resolving magical object. Even if we know there's no way in hell he's actually dead, I also like that the episode concludes with the possibility that the series' main adversary may be gone for good.

In all honesty, my favorite scenes from “Sonic and the Secret Scrolls” are the ones devoted to Sonic and Sally bantering. Unlike the somewhat mean-spirited chatter at the start of the previous episode, Sonic and Sally's flirting here is actually super cute. Sonic initially insists the Princess doesn't use the airplane for fear that it'll fail on them, which proves he does care about her. Later, after Sonic prevents the plane from careening over the edge of a cliff, the Princess is forced to admit that the hedgehog was at least sort of right. For we Sonic/Sally dorks, these scenes are super endearing.

“Sonic and the Secret Scrolls” isn't as cool in execution as it is conceptually. “Sonic and the Freedom Fighters” journeying through an “Indiana Jones”-style temple is a really neat premise that the show can't quite pull off. However, I'm not willing to dismiss the episode entirely, largely for Robotnik being a sinister bastard and Sonic and Sally's adorable flirting. It's not what I'd call a classic but is an episode I do enjoy in fits and starts. [6/10]