Archie's Weird Mysteries: Case of the Haunted Comic Shop

Archie's Weird Mysteries: Case of the Haunted Comic Shop
Publication Date: September 1999

It seems to me that the public's fascination with the supernatural has existed pretty much since the beginning of human civilization. We all want the afterlife, sea monsters, magic, ghosts, fairies, angels, demonic possession, psychic powers, Bigfoot, the Bermuda Triangle, aliens, Atlantis, el chupacabra, Santa Claus, pyramid power, and olgoi-khorkihoi to be real because it means the world is a more mysterious, exciting place than our mundane day-to-day existence makes it seem.

However, it appears to me that the supernatural was especially having a moment in the mid-to-late nineties. The decade was already awash with stories of E.S.P., ghost hunting, and alien abductions when “The X-Files” came along. The show became a cultural phenomenon and made snooping into the unknown an even bigger public obsession, especially on this newfangled thingamabob called the internet.

Unsurprisingly, there were a number of attempts to cash-in on “The X-Files'” popularity. Alongside other forgotten also-rans like “PSI Factor,” “FreakyLinks,” and “The Chronicle” was a very odd entry into the paranormal investigator canon known as “Archie's Weird Mysteries.” Yes, years before the world was introduced to Sexy Archie Who Fucks, America's oldest teenager took a side gig investigating aliens, ghosts, and vampires. Despite being so wholesome he once hocked comics for Jesus, somebody thought it was a good idea to have Archie Andrews and friends tangoing with the paranormal. This did make a certain degree of sense, considering Archie has been hanging out with Sabrina the Teenage Witch since the sixties and it's easy to imagine the Riverdale gang heading in a Scooby Doo-esque direction.

“Archie's Weird Mysteries” was an animated series, an American/French co-production, that originally ran for forty episodes from 1999 to 2000. The premise involved Riverdale becoming a magnet for bizarre events after a lab experiment went wrong. Archie and pals would then investigate these phenomenon, before the redhead would write about them for the school newspaper. Plot lines inevitably involved body-snatching potato aliens, insane supercomputers, alternate universes, time travel, Veronica becoming a giantess, cockroach humanoids, evil energy drinks, mummies, and robot football players.

The series wasn't just intended to teach kids about the supernatural. See, in the late nineties, federal pressures on television networks mandated that a certain number of hours of "educational content," targeted at the youth, be broadcast every week. All this mandate really accomplished was helping along the extinction of the Saturday morning cartoon and leading to the creation of a bunch of shitty TV shows. So each episode of “Archie's Weird Mysteries” also included a heavy-handed moral about some mundane topic like doing your homework, respecting your friends, not lying, etc. Though originally aired on PAX, “Archie's Weird Mysteries” would play for years afterwards at odd early morning hours on random networks, in order to comply with these new laws.

Even as a kid who loved spooky shit, I never bothered with the show. While I loved Archie Comics' “Sonic” book, the company's flagship character never interested me much. Archie Andrews and his perpetual love triangles were the definition of “lame” to my adolescent eyes. So  the cartoon show struck me pretty clearly as a cheaply animated knock-off. Despite that, the show has attracted a small cult following and was even released on DVD.

So why the fuck are we talking about “Archie's Weird Mysteries” on a Sonic the Hedgehog blog? Unsurprisingly, the Archie corporation would publish a comic series tying in with its titular character's latest show. In order to promote the new cartoon and its upcoming comic adaptation, a free mini-comic would be given away at shops in September of 1999. The freebie would also promote the then-latest iteration of “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” – an animated spin-off of the 90s sitcom – as well as a number of other Archie properties... Including, it turns out, Sonic the Hedgehog. Considering the spookiest day of the year is tomorrow, now seems like a good time to take a look at this incredibly obscure, spooky, scary Sonic adventure.

“The Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” has Archie heading to Riverdale's local dispenser of four-color frivolity to interview Damian Shockley, a horror comic artist, for his column on the weird and macabre. After Mr. Shockley arrives, Sabrina the Teenage Witch strolls into the shop, everyone immediately noticing she looks different. Shortly afterwards, Shockley's monster sketches all spring to life and attack the shop patrons. In order to combat these beastly threats, Shockley also draws a group of superheroes, including Sonic and Knuckles, to life. The heroes quickly beat the monsters into submission before fading away themselves. Archie and the Riverdale gang are then sucked into a green void before the day's events repeat themselves, minus all the monsters and magical shenanigans.

“Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” is all of fourteen pages long, which admittedly doesn't leave writer Paul Castiglia much to work with. Having said that, this is still an especially incoherent comic book. The plot is similar to the previous Archie/Sabrina/Sonic Halloween crossover, in that it involves Sonic and Knuckles escaping from a comic book into Archie's “real” world. However, no explanation is offered for why this weird shit is happening. Shockley's sketches just come to life with zero explanation and then vanish just as quickly. The cosmic reset that concludes the story – Sabrina returning to her traditional appearance and Damian Shockley looking less goth-y and deciding he doesn't want to draw horror comics anymore – is also totally unexplained. Is the entire story a dream Archie had? Or did he just experience some sort of temporal disturbance? Sabrina seems to have a headache at the story's end for no reason, suggesting this wasn't just a dream. But if you are looking for actual logic in this comic, don't bother. It's a totally empty series of events.

Not that the plot really matters. “Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” is a simple act of corporate promotion, with little interest in actual coherence. Sabrina looks strange to the Archie gang to correlate with her appearance in the new cartoon series and comic. Though it is weird that the comic makes a big deal of her new design, instead of just going with it. Secondly, the non-Sega superheroes that appear in this comic are also owned by Archie. Yes, Archie dug up some of the old MLJ superheroes again for this issue. The Comet, Steel Sterling, Blackjack, and the Shield all appear alongside Sonic and Knuckles. This was around the time Archie was publishing reprints of these obscure golden age characters, so their inclusion here was another promotional choice. (Though Castiglia kind of fucked up by not including MLJ's spookier heroes, the Hangman and the Web, in this Halloween special.)

But you guys probably don't give a shit about any of that stuff. What of the “Sonic” content? It's fairly minor, as you've probably already guessed. If you discount background appearances on comic covers, Sonic and Knuckles appear on four pages and in all of four panels. They fight some of the monsters, crack a bad pun while unwrapping a mummy, and pose with the superheroes. The highlight of their interactions here is Archie pointing out that Knuckles is also a redhead, as if that's some sort of great revelation. We don't even get a panel of Sonic and Knuckles fading out of existence with the other superheroes.

I want to say there is some novelty factor in seeing Sonic and Knuckles in such a bizarre circumstances. A part of me is mildly pleased to, once again, see Archie Comics considered Sonic and Knuckles as important to their legacy as the Riverdale guys and their shitty old superheroes. Yet this comic book isn't even as entertaining as “Archie & Friends: A Halloween Tale,” which at least devoted more time to the sight of Sonic and Knux interacting with the less wacky Archie cast. Though this one does earn points for having slightly more spooky Halloween content. I can't one-hundred percent hate a comic book where Sonic fights a mummy and a werewolf, though including both a dragon and a lizard-man among its collection of monsters is a little repetitive.

I have no idea if the “Archie's Weird Mysteries” comic book included the same type of moral lessons that the TV show did, since it wasn't beholden to federal mandates on children's television. However, “Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” does have a lesson. That would be “buy more comic books.” Much like “A Halloween Tale,” setting this issue in a comic shop was a deliberate choice to draw attention to the business. The special ends with the characters looking directly at the reader, while holding actual Archie Comics books, and reminding us that comics – which you can buy at your local shop! – make excellent Halloween treats. Though I never personally received comic books in my trick-or-treat bag, and probably would've preferred some chocolate if I had, I guess that idea has some merit.

Something else that makes this one-shot less interesting than “A Halloween Tale” is the artwork. While the previous Halloween special at least had Spaz drawing the Sonic characters, this entire issue is drawn by Bill Golliher. Golliher is competent at drawing the Archie gang, though if you've always found those characters slightly bland looking, this won't change your mind. But he's clearly inexperienced with the other characters. His take on the more cartoony Sabrina looks frequently odd and uncomfortable. His superheroes have generic massive chins and weirdly lumpy muscles. As for the Sonic cast members, they are always mildly off-model. Golliher seems to especially struggle with their eyes, which are always off-center, and I'm pretty sure he traced “Sonic Adventure”-era stock art in one panel.

Making its point even more obvious, “Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” ends by commanding readers to pick up the first issues of “Archie's Weird Mysteries” and the new “Sabrina” book. It's hard to imagine this lame freebie prompted too many people to do that. The “Archie's Weird Mysteries” comic was mildly successful, running for 35 issues and at least outlasting the cartoon show. Funny enough, it eventually dropped the “Weird” part from its title, the focus turning towards more grounded mysteries. (Years later, another mash-up of Archie and the macabre would be far more critically acclaimed...) As for the new “Sabrina” book, it was slightly more popular. It ran for 38 issues before receiving an anime-esque reboot that kept the series' numbering going for another six years.

Anyway, “Case of the Haunted Comic Shop” is pretty lame. Though odder than “A Halloween Tale,” it feels far more slapdash and limp. However, a part of me is glad there's this really weird, dumb bit of “Sonic” media out there that only we die-hards know exist. Happy Halloween, I guess. [4/10]