Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.13. Best Hedgehog

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), Episode 1.13. Best Hedgehog
Original Air Date: September 6th, 1993

I began my retrospective of “SatAM” by talking about its opening sequence and theme song. It only seems fair to grant “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” the same treatment. Because both songs and openings truly reflect the show's differing styles and approaches. “SatAM's” shows how Robotnik took over Mobius and that the Freedom Fighters are waging a guerrilla war against him, while the theme song was a powerful wave of cock-rock declaring Sonic the fastest motherfucker around.

“Adventures'” opening, meanwhile, is a series of wacky comic relief gags in which Sonic – his name appearing on-screen as many times as possible – triumphs over his goofball adversaries with ease. It's so carefree, a happy smiling sun is one of the first things we see. The theme song, meanwhile, is an aggressively upbeat instrumental that recalls “Flight of the Bumblebee,” “In the Hall of the Mountain King,” and the Green Hill Zone score.

One is grim but radical in that very nineties sort of way. The other is silly, slapstick-y, and overwhelmingly familiar. See, kids, openings were once meant to actually tell you what the show was about, not just be a thing you skip on Netflix.

Another element of “AoStH” that must be discussed upfront is its visual approach. While “SatAM” strove for a certain degree of interior coherence visually, “Adventures” was not bound by the same limitations. The backgrounds the characters interact with are often sparse, surreal landscapes of weird shapes and pastel colors. Characters staying on-model is not so important here, as the slapstick tone allows for an expected degree of stretch-and-squish. Because of its lackadaisical approach to such things, the syndicated show can get away with odd looking characters or apparent humans interacting with cartoon animals with no explanation. Which is apparent in scenes in this episode, when we see a cartoon human teaching a class room full of strange looking zoo animals.

So, where do these “Adventures” begin? The first episode to air, and the thirteenth to be produced, is “Best Hedgehog.” It has Sonic and Tails breaking into Robotnik's egotistically designed fortress to free a prisoner that's been locked up for thirty years. When our heroes meet the guy, Lucas, he's nothing but a draping pile of hair with limbs and a face. Robotnik's interest in keeping Lucas locked-up is totally personal. Back in high school, they both lusted after a girl named Lucinda. Lucas won her heart, Robotnik didn't. Now that Lucas is free, Sonic and Tails try to match him back up with Lucinda – now working as a school teacher – before Robotnik finds all of them.

Okay, so this cartoon is a comedy. Did it make laugh? I think the expectations for humor are different when you're an adult, versus when you're a five year old child. (Which is what I would have been when this first aired.) As a kid, I might have laughed when Sonic defeats Scratch and Grounder with ease, tricking the extremely dumb robots into be snatched by their own easily avoided traps. Or when Sonic defeats Robotnik and his robo-goons by rolling up a seemingly giant carpet and spinning it towards them. As a boring grown-up, I find myself more attracted to the more subtle jokes. Like Scratch and Grounder being presented with a number of rewards and Grounder requesting a humble toolbox. As an adult, I also notice shit like the Scooby-Doo stock “bumbling footstep” sound effect putting in an appearance, marking this as a rather hackneyed type of kid's cartoon.

Much of the humor in “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” is taken from the extremeness of its characters' personalities. Such as Scratch and Grounder's idiocy. Or Sonic's ability to overtake his opponent, which results in a probably justified degree of egomania. Throughout this first episode, Sonic mocks and belittles Robotnik by dressing up as a doctor or a chief. He repeatedly uses randomly appearing props: a giant frying pan, a massive spring that bounces a weaponized egg back. This also includes a mirror, which he bounces laser blasts with after admiring his own reflection. Sonic is given the very annoying catchphrase of “I'm waiting!,” which he rolls out three times. (Tails says it too.)  He repeatedly breaks the fourth wall. Let's just say Jalleel White's nasal whine has never been more grating.

Probably the most notorious gag in this episode – the entire show really – is when Sonic dresses up as Lucinda to fool Robotnik. Naturally, the bad guy doesn't recognize Sonic or even notice that his very human high school crush now appears to be a hedgehog in a wig. Yes, “Best Hedgehog” relies a lot on the old-time-y assumption that a male in a dress is inherently humorous. About the only thing that makes this joke genuinely amusing is how stretched out it is. Robotnik and Sonic-as-Lucinda make it all the way to the chapel before Robotnik notices the deception. Which kind of makes me wonder just how far exactly Sonic was willing to take this one.

While the “Adventures” version of Sonic is kind of annoying, I couldn't help but find this take on Robotnik to be pretty amusing. Beloved blues musician Long John Baldry probably wasn't having his proudest moment playing a goofy bad guy on a shitty kid's cartoon – he sang with the Beatles and the Rolling Stones – but he sure attacks the role with gusto. He gets some of the episode's funniest lines. Such as teenage Robotnik, who had the mustache even then, groveling at Lucinda when she rejects his romantic overturn. Later, he hypes himself up before meeting the girl again by practicing threatening slogans. There's a decent sequence, were the extreme differences between Robotnik and Lucas' recollection of events are shown. That stuff made me chuckle a little and Baldry committing so hard to the bit helps tremendously.

I can't say if I really like “Best Hedgehog” much. Lucas is such a whiny character, that it's hard to like him too much. (Even if getting locked up for thirty years, strictly because a villain liked the same girl as you, is a pretty bum deal.) It doesn't help that his Captain Caveman-esque character design is deeply unappealing looking. There is a certain humor to a mad scientist/dictator like Robotnik still longing for his high school crush. Upright folks like Lucas and Lucinda still holding the torches is less endearing. I do think it's sort of sweet that Sonic and Tails are so determined to help this random political prisoner get laid again. Though it is odd that this was chosen as the first episode to air, considering the focus really isn't on Sonic for the majority of its run time.

This is also sort of an action cartoon, after all, which is where “Best Hedgehog” really fails. The early scene of Sonic fighting off some weird pink octopus-looking robots doesn't inspire much interest. Neither does a moment where Sonic and the gang have to escape an erupting volcano, which he does by drilling a hole down to the frozen Arctic. This isn't a path to escape. Instead, he buzz-saws out a giant block of ice (which results in a very confused polar bear, another decent gag) and then surfs along the lava on it. I know, I know, I can't let leaps in logic like that bother me. I presume by the time I've reviewed sixty of these fucking things, I will be totally numb to such cartoon-y conflict resolutions.

Among the many meme-worthy elements fans remember about “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog,” the Sonic Sez segment at the end of each episode – where Sonic delivers some real life-applicable moral lesson to the kiddies watching at home – is especially notorious. This was a common feature in nineties children entertainment, probably an attempt by moral guardians to impose some sort of edutainment factor on action-driven shows designed to sell toys. “G.I. Joe” was a prominent pioneer of this “The more you know!” style in-show PSA, with programs like “Captain Planet,” “Power Rangers,” and the English dub of “Sailor Moon” following that lead. With “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog,” serious attempts to educate the viewer came off as especially strange, since the show proceeding them was so very inane. I mean, do you really want a blue cartoon hedgehog that runs fast teaching your kids about the joy of reading, about how kids who have trouble reading should be treated with sympathy, as he does here? Sonic doesn't really seem like the type to appreciate a good book much anyway.

But that bizarre disconnect is just one of the things that made the nineties such a gloriously stupefying decade. I wouldn't say the first proper episode of “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” is stupefying, gloriously or otherwise. It's mildly amusing, occasionally annoying, and mostly utterly disposable. This retrospective is off to a great start! [6/10]