Sonic X, Episode 2.03: A Robot Rebels

Sonic X, Episode 2.03: A Robot Rebels

Japanese Title: Amy the Captive

Japanese Air Date: October 19th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: October 4th, 2004

As the “Sonic Adventure” adaptation continues, “Sonic X” continues to divide its attention among several subplots. Sonic and Tails fly off in the X-Tornado to face off with the Egg Carrier. Knuckles, who is closer than ever to reassembling the Master Emerald and is still having odd visions of the past, soon joins them. Eggman is preoccupied with gathering the penultimate Chaos Emerald, which is still inside Froggy. He sends the E-100 series to catch the amphibian but only E-102 Gamma — who just happens to be standing there when Big and Chris fish Froggy out of the lake — is the only successful one. Afterwards, the robot is sent to grab the blue bird, which is still hanging out with the captured Amy. The pink hedgehog reaches the machine’s inner humanity and he frees her. All of this happens just in time for the big showdown between Tails’ jet and Eggman’s Flying Fortress.

After two episodes that just swapped incidents and boss bottles directly from “Sonic Adventure” and shoved them into “Sonic X,” the show actually goes about adapting the video game a little bit here. The game’s sprawling plot still means this episode is awkwardly splitting its time between several on-going storylines… But at least it’s not just one tedious boss battle after another. This episode actually pauses for quite a few character beats and quieter moments. It changes elements from “Sonic Adventure” to make them fit better within “Sonic X’s” take on this world. There’s even some serialized character development, as Tails is extra driven not to fail this time after his last defeat at Eggman’s hands. It’s not perfect but this is definitely more like what you should do when turning a heavily story-driven video game into an on-going cartoon show. 

One of my favorite parts of “Sonic Adventure” was E-102 Gamma’s storyline. There was something really poignant about a robot, seemingly mechanical and unfeeling on the outside, learning empathy and turning against its master. This episode includes almost all of Gamma’s juiciest scenes from the game: Watching his “brothers” in the E-100 series thrown away after they fail Eggman, stumbling upon E-101 Beta being torn apart and rebuild inside the bowels of the ship, and Amy successfully talking him into letting her go. These moments were great in the game specially because Gamma’s exterior is so steely and unmoving. The robot’s lack of expression, in the face of these very emotional moments, proved more powerful than just telling us how he’s feeling. “Sonic X” doesn’t get that memo. Bocoe and Decoe outright describe what Gamma is feeling as the other E-100 robots are disposed of. The machine is given more dialogue, more obvious emotion, in the other two moments. The show is going for sappy when subtle would’ve been a better choice. It definitely makes Gamma’s arc less effective. 

But let’s talk about Amy Rose for a little bit. When she’s locked up in Eggman’s jail cell, this does give her plenty of time to reminisce. She thinks back to a time on her home world, when Sonic rescued her from a giant robot. Mostly, she fantasizes. She imagines a scenario where she impresses Sonic with her improved cooking skills or an even more elaborate fantasy, where Sonic is so blown away by how much she’s matured that he begins to chase after her. It seems Amy is doing that thing everybody does when they’re in their twenties and moving into their own place for the first time. She becomes nostalgic for simpler times and constantly fantasizes about the day she’ll figure it all out and it’ll all make sense. This almost justifies the damsel-status this storyline has hassled the previously untamable Amy with. She’s taking getting her own place really hard and it’s messing with her. If nothing else, the fantasy where Sonic is really impressed with how different Amy looks — when she looks exactly the same — is good for a laugh. 

Also good for a laugh are several of the episode’s comedic moments. Yes, “Sonic X” is back to including goofball comic relief, which I’ve really missed so far this season. The humorous highlight of the episode is when the E-100 robots stand around and compare the different frogs they’ve caught, trying to prove which one is better. Seeing these murder machines, that literally have guns for hands, act like a bunch of kids at summer camp is cute. A later moment, where Bocoe and Decoe activate a robotic cheerleader squad on the deck of the Egg Carrier, isn’t as funny but is the kind of appealingly random bullshit this show likes to include. Weirdly, though Big the Cat is a blatantly ridiculous character, he does not feature in any of these comedic scenes. He just stands around and fishes while Chris tells him they don’t have time to fish… And still people defend this character’s existence…

An element from the games I’m really glad “Sonic X” ditched is watching Knuckles glide around and dig up Master Emerald shards. We really didn’t need to see too much of that to get the general idea. At the start of this episode, he’s already gathered most of the shards he needs, meaning this plot thread will conclude soon enough. Instead, Knuckles’ subplot focuses on his continued visions from Tikal. These scenes further clarify that Chaos wasn’t such a bad guy before Pachamac barged into his temple like an asshole, to a less vague degree than the similar scenes in the game. There is a pretty funny moment when Tikal delivers some blatant exposition about the connection between the Master Emerald and the less Emeralds and then afterwards Knuckles is all like “what did that mean?” I love this red dumbass.

But even my love for Knuckles’ very toned and muscular dumb ass does not equal this show’s love of transforming airplanes. In order to mimic the Tornado II’s secondary mode from the game, “Sonic X” gives the X-Tornado a new battle mode. It sprouts ridiculous looking robot arms, which a shield and a sword further extending from these new appendages. The amount of sheer joy this jet turning into a fighting robot clearly gave the people who worked on this show is almost infectious. The Egg Carrier also transforms into its secondary mode in this scene, which is taken straight from the game but just seems to intensify the overwhelming joy-boner the sight of an airplane shifting into a different looking airplane gives this program. Even Tails is caught up in this ecstasy, as Sonic has to remind him that showing off his bitchin’ robot is not the point of this mission. 

And speaking of Sonic, this is another episode where he doesn’t really contribute to the plot. Aside from his role in Amy’s daydream or a pep talk he gives Tails early on, the blue hedgehog doesn’t do much besides stand on-top of the X-Tornado here. It definitely amuses me how irrelevant Sonic is to his own TV show sometimes. Anyway, this episode is definitely an improvement over the previous two so hopefully this is the speed the rest of the “Sonic Adventure” arc keeps as it nears its conclusion. [6/10]

Sonic X, Episode 2.02: A Chaotic Day

Sonic X, Episode 2.02: A Chaotic Day

Japanese Title: The Mysterious Lifeform Chaos

Japanese Air Date: October 12th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: September 25th, 2004

The "Sonic Adventure" adaptation continues in episode two of season two. After a quick reconvening at the Thorndyke residence, everyone sets out in separate missions. Sonic pursues Eggman, meeting up with Tails soon afterwards. They encounter the villain and accidentally feed Chaos two more Chaos Emeralds, making him more powerful. Knuckles heads out to collect the shards of the shattered Master Emerald, while Chris and Big look for Froggy. Amy soon encounters a little blue bird before being abducted by Zero, an intimidating robot. And that's where the episode cuts off.

My fears that "Sonic X" would directly adapt "Sonic Adventure" with very few changes are seemingly confirmed. "A Chaotic Day" is essentially just a highly condensed summation of the first third of the video game. I've already played "Sonic Adventure," so there's not much value in seeing it lazily reenacted here. Moreover, this episode makes it clear why this approach is not such a great idea. "Sonic Adventure" broke its story up by characters but this episode just shuffles everything together. The result is a lurching, halting pace that leaps from one plot thread to another. Playing through a twenty-hour story, being able to pause whenever you want, is a lot different than just having the entire plot summary chopped up into half-hour chunks like this.

The "Sonic X" show runners seem to understand that trying to replicate the video game experience perfectly would be tedious... But only up to a certain point. See, they cut out the individual levels, not showing Knuckles going through the casino level or Sonic and Tails navigating the Windy Valley. But they keep all the boss bottles. Sonic fights Eggman in the Egg Hornet. Then he fights Chaos 4. Then Sonic and Tails fight the Egg Carrier from the seat of the X-Tornado. Do you see boring and exhausting this is, to just string together a series of boss battles? Raising the stakes three times in a row like this makes it seem like the stakes don't matter at all. Especially when Sonic, as in the video game, wins each battle by bopping the bad guy on the head. (Which has the added effect of making Chaos look way less threatening than he's obviously meant to be.)

It's weird to me that this show understands that drolly running through the levels would be boring but misses that doing the same with the boss battles wouldn't be. Maybe they figured, as long as the action is constant, the kids watching at home won't mind... Which might be true, if the action scenes were better. Instead, they feel limp and lifeless. And it doesn't help that the show inserts a lot of ugly CGI. Sonic turns into a computer-generated Spin Dash too many times. Angel Island is CGI, a cloud of dust is CGI, the X-Tornado and Egg Carrier are CGI, and Chaos appears to be CGI in a few scenes. There's even a shot of the casino floor that is computer-generated for no reason! It's very distracting.

When the episode isn't occupying itself with replicating the game plot and constant fight scenes, it becomes a lot more interesting. When Knuckles grabs the first Master Emerald shard, he gets a flashback to Pachacamac about to claim the emeralds from the Chao Temple, despite Tikal's protests. This sprinkling of backstory invokes some anti-imperialist themes. Which is pretty interesting and in keeping with the progressive themes of the "Sonic" franchise. But it's literally just one moment, a brief teaser in an episode overstuffed with incidents. 

Similarly, after the Egg Carrier shoots down the X-Tornado, we get a flashback to the early days of Sonic and Tails' friendship. It's a good moment, because it shows how Sonic's support has caused Tails to grow more confident. The little fox used to be fearful and uncertain but, with Sonic by his side, he found the strength to be braver. (It also features the image of Sonic piloting the Tornado II and gunning down some robots, which definitely has some novelty.) This seems to be a compromise between the "Adventure" characterization of Tails, who was trying to grow stronger and more independent, and the "X" version, which is already pretty self-assured and self-reliant. Yet the episode launches into this moment with so little preparation that I thought it was just another boss battle at first. I like the peek into Tails' past but the janky pacing of this episode fucks up even the good stuff.

If there's an attempt to correlate Tails' personality in the game with his personality in this show, no such attempt is made with Amy. Amy is largely inactive in her narrative. The blue bird that motivates her plot literally falls out of the sky and conks her on the head. Later, Zero shows up and grabs her, Amy making no attempt to fight back. She just screams for Sonic to come rescue her. This is very much at odds with Season One Amy, who was more than happy to beat robots into submission with her hammer. When combined with an earlier scene, where Amy happily discusses the foods she'll cook for Sonic, it makes it seem like someone who was previously a hammer-swinging badass is now a reductive feminine stereotype. 

So far, "Sonic X: Season Two" has been what I feared the first season was going to be. Namely, a straight-ahead adaptation of the "Adventure" era games, that recreates the events of the game without approaching the pacing differences between games and television as mediums. Most of the weird humor and explorations of the planet-hopping premise that made the show entertaining up to this point are not present. It's not much fun to watch. Hopefully, things will improve as we get further into the season. [5/10]

Sonic X, Episode 2.01: Pure Chaos

Sonic X, Episode 2.01: Pure Chaos

Japanese Title: The Beginning of Disaster

Japanese Air Date: October 5th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: September 18th, 2004

"Sonic X" was, from the beginning, always intended as a multi-season show. 52 episodes were planned out right from the beginning, a second season being in the cards from the get-go. This is probably why "Sonic X" ended up with its somewhat peculiar story structure. The first season was allowed to focus on setting up this show's particular take on the "Sonic" universe, building up its unique supporting cast and firmly establishing its versions of the "Sonic" characters. With the rules and variations on the "Sonic X" lore already in place, the second season could focus on what this show was really intended to do: Promote and adapt Sega's video games. This would begin right from the start of season two, as episode 2.01 — "The Beginning of Disaster" in Japan and "Pure Chaos" in the U.S. — would immediately focus on adapting "Sonic Adventure."

You can see this change of focus slightly in the new opening sequence for season two. The season one opening gave Shadow a prominent role, even though he never actually showed up in the episodes. The season two opening — still set to the generally pretty awesome "Sonic Drive" — is mostly made up of the better animated sequences from the first season... Save for a vividly animated fight between Super Sonic and Hyper Shadow at the end of the song. This seems to deliver a promise to "Adventure" fans: You got through the bullshit of season one so here comes the bullshit you actually care about. 

Six months has passed since Super Sonic defeated Eggman. Sonic and friends have continued to integrate themselves into Earthly society. The residents of Station Square have gotten used to two chunks of Sonic's world — Angel Island and the Mystic Ruins — floating in the bay. The villain has been laying low since then. We soon learn he is in possession of the red Chaos Emerald and has used it to build a new warship — the Egg Carrier — and a new suite of animal-powered robots: The E-100 series. Chris Thorndyke and Cream happen to meet Big the Cat, who is looking for his buddy Froggy, when they run into a new threat: A watery demon called Chaos. Sonic and Knuckles appear to fight the beast. It's soon made apparent that this is all part of Eggman's latest plot. 

All throughout season one, it was hinted that a "Sonic Adventure" adaptation was forthcoming. Big the Cat had a cameo in the first episode and Tikal's voice spoke to Knuckles that one time, after all. Season two announces its intention right from the first second. This episode begins with a direct adaptation of the scene from the game, where Froggy absorbs a bit of Chaos, grows a tail, grabs a Chaos Emerald, and leads Big the Cat on a wild frog chase. This is far from the only scene directly taken from the video game. Chaos' first appearance in Station Square, where cops surround him and fill him full of bullets that he shrugs off, is also right out of the game. This is pretty much what I expected "Sonic X" to be from the beginning, so I greet these moments with a mixture of satisfaction and weariness. Here it finally is but also here's the realization that I'm going to know what happens next. (This also reminds me that I haven't played "Sonic Adventure" in probably ten years or more.)

In fact, the bits of this episode that prove most interesting are the ones that have nothing to do with "Sonic Adventure." It's the six months later time jump that intrigues me the most. We're shown that Sonic and his pals have basically become accepted members of society. Amy Rose is apparently living in an apartment in downtown Station Square, still pining for Sonic. (Who has been off doing whatever it is he does all this time.) Tails has apparently built a workshop on the same bit of land the Mystic Ruins reside on. Cream and Cheese are still living with the Thorndykes and Rouge is still working with the government. It's sort of nice to see this, that the Sonic Team have quasi-normal lives when they aren't fighting Eggman. I like these moments.

This episode is also our proper introduction to Big the Cat, a character I have a complicated relationship with. Okay, that's not true. There's nothing complicated about it: I don't really like Big the Cat. And this episode really emphasizes why. He's just so doofy, you guys. He speaks in an extremely slow fashion, which even sets up a joke here. (If the other characters aren't annoyed by him, they are definitely inconvenienced by him.) He stumbles into things, flattening Chris and Cream in one scene. His single-minded fixation on Froggy and fishing leaves room for pretty much no other personality traits. The fact that he's never really done anything in the "Sonic" franchise, outside of showcasing the Dreamcast's fishing rod peripheral, just proves that Big is a pretty useless character. This is further proven by Big surviving as an in-joke, something fans point out and say "look at how dumb and lame this character is, isn't that hilarious?" But it's not hilarious, it's just a waste of my fucking time.

Anyway... Big is not the only "Sonic Adventure" cast member that makes his animated debut here. A long scene is devoted to establishing E-102 Gamma and his "sibling." (Though E-105 Zeta is strangely excluded.) More pressingly, Chaos splashes into the show here. I do like Chaos, because he's a visceral threat. Shortly after showing up, he begins to smash cop cars like he's the Creature from the Black Lagoon or something. Sometimes, there's value in dropping a crazy monster into a city and just letting it run amok. And, as hopelessly contrived as the gimmick of Chaos growing and changing with every emerald he consumes is, I do kind of like it. It's very animesque, like a giant robot with multiple different transformation, and that's kind of fun. Even if it's also kind of dumb.

As fun as the idea of Chaos changing into a more powerful form with every emerald he eats is, it doesn't always make for very compelling writing. The back half of "Pure Chaos" is devoted to a long boss bottle between Sonic, Knuckles, and Chaos. Eggman feeds the watery critter two emeralds, bulking him up and giving him new abilities. Like a high-pressure water cutter that slices through buildings and some sort of static electricity shield. Sadly, Sonic and Knuckles don't have to outthink these new powers. They just keep hammering the monster until he's defeated... A lot like in a video game. I hope the rest of season two doesn't take its task of adapting the video game mechanics quite so literally. 

The fight scene also features a lot of repetitive animation, making it further disappointing. By the second time I saw the exact same shot of Sonic spin-dashing into Chaos 2 or Knuckles throwing punches at it, I was wondering if the animation time was just trying to fill out the remaining few minutes of the episode. Some banter between Sonic and Knuckles probably would've been equally cheap to animated and added a lot more personality to this fight scene. But I guess kid-centric action anime just has to roll out the stock footage sometimes. If only this show had morphing scenes that could play six times an episode...

Other than that, there's not too much to report here. Since Cream is in this show but not in "Sonic Adventure," that changes the context slightly. Cheese recognizes Chaos upon seeing him, which hopefully suggests "Sonic X" will devote more time to explaining the vague lore that "Sonic Adventure" sprinkled throughout its gameplay. There's also a pretty funny scene where Lindsey Thorndyke gifts Cream the yellow Chaos Emerald, because you can just buy these incredibly dangerous power sources from jewelry stores in this city for some reason. By the way, Lindsey is still an idiot — she's still convinced Cream is a person in a costume — and still a bad mom, as she once again drops Chris like a bag of hot cat shit the minute her phone rings. It's good to know that, even if this show changes, some things remain consistent. 

Whether this cartoon will improve upon its source material, fall to the same flaws as the game, or have trouble adapting the flow of a video game to a serial series remains to be seen. I guess I'll find out soon enough, since it's pretty evident that game adaptations will make up pretty much all of season two. As for this one, it suggests they are still working some of the kinks out of the rhythm, even if there are some moments here that I like too. [6/10]

Sonic Christmas Blast: Revisited

Sonic Christmas Blast

Original Air Date: November 26th, 1993

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all Hedgehogs Can't Swim readers! I'm glad that I have both survived 2021 and have kept this blog regularly updated throughout. Long time readers know I like to do something special around the holidays. For the very first Hedgehogs Can't Swim Christmas special, I posted an old review of "Sonic Christmas Blast." However, that review was written for my other blog, designed to appeal to non-Sonic people. After finishing up my retrospective of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" earlier this year, it seemed fitting to revisit the holiday special that more-or-less continued from that series. So, here we go: "Sonic Christmas Blast: Take Two."

Before we get into the question of what "Sonic Christmas Blast" does, we really have to answer the question of why it exists in the first place. By 1996, a new episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" hadn't aired in three years. In fact, I recall a lot less "Sonic" content in general in the middle nineties, saved for the then-deathless comic book. Sega, at the time, was hoping to give the franchise a shot in the arm with a new game for their brand new Sega Saturn... But that game was "Sonic X-Treme," a notoriously troubled production that was eventually canned. Sega had high hopes for the project before killing it,  releasing a number of tie-in products. This included a Christmas special, meant to hype up the game that was supposed to be a hot holiday title release. 

When "Sonic X-Treme" died, the Genesis title "Sonic 3-D Blast" was quickly propped up as its replacement. (Which meant there wasn't a major "Sonic" title in between "Sonic and Knuckles" and "Sonic Adventure," no doubt contributing to the franchise's downfall... But that's a topic for another day.) When "Sonic 3D Blast" desperately attempted to fill "Sonic X-Treme's" shoes, "An X-Tremely Cool Sonic Christmas" was hastily retitled "Sonic Christmas Blast." The half-hour special aired on the USA Network, where I can't imagine it reached that wide of an audience. I, a lifelong "Sonic" obsessive, didn't even know the special existed until years afterwards. 

Yet even that information doesn't really explain many of the strange things about this cartoon. Who made the decision to link this special to a three-year-old syndicated cartoon? Why did it randomly mix elements from both of DiC's "Sonic" series from earlier in the decade, without really capturing the feeling of either show? Moreover, why is it a Christmas special, instead of just a generic "Sonic" product meant to promote the upcoming game? Sonic has had little association with that most money-hungry of holidays before this point. Sadly, answers are not readily available to these queries. All we have is the odd special itself to examine. 

The plot is not too different from your typical episode of "AoStH." Santa Claus announces his retirement, disappointing the children of Mobius. Worst yet, greedy madman Robotnik is installed as his replacement. The evil fat man immediately inverts the rules of the holiday, demanding the citizens of the world give him gifts or face dire consequences. Sonic immediately races into action to save the real Santa, captured by Robotnik. Yet only a magical ring gifted to Sonic by his girlfriend provides the true means to save Christmas. See? Totally in-the-spirit of the dumbass cartoon.

The presence of Scratch and Grounder, Jaleel White and Long John Baldry in the voice cast, and some of the design choices also obviously mark this as a continuation of "AoStH." Yet it's also noticeably different. The animation is less loose, the character designs slightly smoother. The production values are just a smidgen higher, resulting in a more homogeneous look. Robotnik is both more exaggerated and less grotesque than his "AoStH" counterpart. Christopher Welch had aged out of voicing Tails and Chris Turner, whose voice is slightly deeper, plays the character. 

This is all a way of saying "Christmas Blast" most resembles "AoStH" but it doesn't really feel like it. Mobius is populated with generic cartoon humans and not a bizarre mix of cartoon animals, freaky monstrosities, and ugly humanoids. The Mobiums currency has been replaced with "Robotnikbucks," suggesting the villain has completed his conquest of the planet in the intervening years. Mostly, the special doesn't have the same comedic spirit. "AoStH" was aggressively, obnoxiously wacky, frequently sacrificing all sense of logic for grating jokes and nonsensical gags. "Christmas Blast" has a lot of lame slapstick but its world makes sense. This is most noticeable in two ways: The surreal landscapes have been replaced with colorful but bland cities. While Sonic does wear a disguise to fool Scratch and Grounder, it actually has an effect on the plot and isn't just done to humiliate the buffoons. 

This noticeable tonal difference might have been a result of one or two choices. First off, it's possible screenwriters the Shelly brothers just lost their grip on "AoStH's" style in the years between. Or they might've reined in the show's craziness to appeal more to "SatAM" fans. Yes, "Sonic Christmas Blast" is a(n entirely unsatisfying) fusion of both of the then-existing Sonic cartoons. Robotnik's minions resemble the wacky machine designs of "AoStH" but are referred to as SWATBots. Instead of his tower abode, Robotnik operates out of an industrialized city named Robotropolis. Most noticeably, Princess Sally is in this special. 

Yet no attempt is made to capture "SatAM's" feeling either. This Robotropolis is just a regular city, populated by regular people, and not a bombed-out dystopia. They even pronounce it differently. No other element from "SatAM" is present. As for Sally, no attempt was made to depict her character. Literally all she does is stand around, point at Sonic, and get buried in gifts at the end. She has no dialogue and even her briefly heard gasps are provided by a different actress. (As Katy Soucie was too busy, at the time, voicing another object of furry lust in "Space Jam.") While she looks like her season one design, her color palette is closer to the pilot's infamous "pink Sally." Basically, "Sonic Christmas Blast" wanted to appeal to fans of both "Sonic" cartoons but didn't really put in the work to feel like either of them. 

Perhaps even this is giving the people behind "Sonic Christmas Blast" too much credit. Much like the cartoon show that proceeded it, this was a quickly produced product meant to promote another product, with little care given to its quality. The central premise, of the bad guy kidnapping and replacing Santa, is similar to a hundred hacky holiday specials. The story contains a serious deus ex machina, as the ring Sally gave Sonic last year inexplicably provides the superpower boost needed to save Christmas. There's the presence of random hieroglyphs foretelling Sonic's victory, the shittiest attempt to justify the hasty last act. A long sequence is devoted to Sonic snowboarding and mountain biking, a clear attempt to cash in on the then-popularity of "x-treme" sports. (And no doubt an attempt to add to the special's overall "x-tremeness.") It's sloppy and bland all at the same time.

A key way you can tell "Christmas Blast" isn't really in the spirit of "Adventures" is the lack of Robotnik content. The show was so fascinated with Sonic's archenemy, that he sometimes felt like more of a main character than the hedgehog did. In "Christmas Blast," he wears a revealing Santa outfit, gloats and berates some people, asks for more chimneys to be installed, and is then defeated by Sonic. Long John Baldry is back but he gets few opportunities to show off his enthusiastic performance. And while I definitely could read into the way Robotnik turns a holiday ostensibly about giving into an excuse to take from people, as a commentary on the joys of Christmas being crushed by an obligation to fulfill capitalistic societal duties, that feels like a stretch even for me.

I guess my point is: I wasn't generally a fan of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" but at least it had a distinct flavor. Its obnoxiousness and weirdness made it a definitely unique production. Its many baffling elements contributed to the overall stupefying "Sonic" legacy. "Sonic Christmas Blast," meanwhile, is just kind of bland and dumb in a very boring way. There's nothing especially interesting about it and it has rightly faded from the fandom's collective memory. I didn't see it until snatching a DVD out of a cheap bin as an adult. If I saw it as a kid, I would've been happy to see Sally again but I doubt I'd love it. 

Perhaps that's fitting, as disappointment is a key component of the American Christmas experience. But I hope you don't have a disappointing Christmas! A sincere thank you, for being a Hedgehogs Can't Swim reader for another year, is my gift to you. "Sonic Christmas Blast" may get a [4/10] but I hope your holiday, however you prefer to spend it, gets a ten outta ten!

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 47

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 47

Publication Date: December 22nd, 2021

Man, the cover for issue 47 of IDW's "Sonic the Hedgehog" comic unlocked a forgotten memory for me. Does anybody else remember what a thing whitewater rafting was in the early nineties? Something of an extreme sport, the activity of floating a tiny raft down a rough river was the popular activity de jour among yuppies eager to prove their manhood. Simulated versions of the activity, stripped of all real risk, popped up in water parks and the sport was even the topic of a big budget thriller starring Kevin Bacon and Meryl Streep. And then it just stopped being a big deal after a while, with more youthful "x sports" like BMX or skateboarding becoming popular. What does this have to do with "Sonic?" Not a goddamn thing!

Anyway, issue 47 brings the "Trial by Fire" three-parter to its conclusion. Tangle and Belle careen down the river on a broken log, missing child Ashe, his wisp friend, and Helpful MotoBug clinging along. They are soon carried to safety, arriving in the main part of the park alongside Amy and Jewel. Together, the heroes develop a plan to quell the fire, evacuate the park, and keep the rest of the forest from burning to the ground. As our heroes go about their heroic activity, they come to personal revelations as well.

The final part of "Trial by Fire" is essentially devoted to watching the good guys do good guy shit. Instead of getting action scenes where the heroes beat up the villains, Evan Stanley engineers some more neutral theatrics here. Tangle and Amy work together to fam the stream, only so they can unleash the water later on at an important moment. Belle rushes around in her new MotoBug friend, saving people where they can. Jewel discovers her inner strategist as she directs the rescue efforts around her. It's nice to watch the cast working together to do good things and I applaud Stanley for meeting this book's action scene quota without relying on stale old fisticuffs. 

However, I wish watching this shit happen was a little more exciting. The way this issue undermines its own tension is apparent in that opening sequence. The last issue ended on the exciting cliffhanger of Tangle and the others plummeting off a cliff towards the stream below. Disappointingly, this issue skips right pass how they survived that fall, beginning with the image of everyone riding the log down the river. Which could've been exciting on its own. Instead, that plot thread ends with them safely floating to a stop. Even after they dangle over a waterfall or two! You never feel like anyone is in any real danger, so there's not much in the way of dramatic tension. 

Similarly, everyone comes together to control the forest fire too easily. Jewel cooks up a plan in a few minutes but it all works. The strategy this jewelry shop owner with no experience in forest fire mitigation thinks up in a panic is exactly what was needed in this moment. Wouldn't it have been more exciting if the attempts to stop the forest fire were inconvenienced by the fire's unpredictable nature? Imagine what a cool moment it would've been if the fire broke through the barrier Amy set up, forcing the heroes to think fast to resolve it quickly. The stakes are there too, since a crowd of innocent park-goers are right there in the center of the fire. 

The blaze is never actually put out, by the way. Instead, Jewel thinks up a plan that will merely contain the damage, not defeat it all together. This is realistic, I guess, but it doesn't make for a very satisfying conclusion. The lack of a dramatic sequence devoted to stopping the fire is, perhaps, a result of "Sonic's world" completely lack of any sort of fire department or park ranger organization. The Restoration should work on that next. Overall, this entire issue just lacks a certain spark, its resolution coming too smoothly and not feeling properly climatic in the way you'd expect. 

Maybe the action scenes are underwhelming because it's not what Evan Stanley is most invested in anyway. This issue continues the focus on character development that we saw in the last two issues. None of the "Sonic" cast that stars in this story are in the exact same place they were when the arc started. Jewel comes into her own as a leader. Amy slots back into the roll of hammer-wielding supporting player. Belle grows more confident and Tangle decides her place isn't with the Restoration exactly. You can debate how effectively this is handled. I'm still not one hundred percent sold on Jewel's growth or Belle's shift from sad-sack to heroine-in-training. But Stanley earns points for continuing to push the characters forward. 

As has been increasingly the case with this book lately, I find myself far more excited by what the individual issue implies about the future than what actually happens in this comic book. "Trial by Fire" ends with Tangle breaking away from the Restoration, at least temporarily, in order to seek out Whisper and help her in her quest. Hell yeah, I love Tangle and Whisper's relationship and definitely want to see more of it. The moment where Jewel and Tangle gratefully part ways, understanding each other's emotional needs, is definitely among the highlight of this issue. 

Similarly, Belle gets a cute moment where the other characters invite her to participate in a team-building group high-five. Is this the end of Belle's defining characteristic being her fear of never being accepted? It might be, as this issue suggests a future goal for her. The discovery of Helpful MotoBug suggests to Belle that she's not a single aberration. Other Eggman creations are capable of rejecting the destructive programming they've been built with. Is this going to lead to a plot thread of Belle running around the planet, trying to free other Badniks from Eggman control? Probably not but that would be cool if it happened. 

(It's also notable that Sonic had so little to do in this arc. It seems the next arc is going to focus on the Chaotix, at least partially, so the book may continue to sideline Sonic's main character status for a while longer. I'm really not against this either.)

The fact that I'm so much more interested in where this story could go, instead of where it actually is, suggests a certain weakness in Evan Stanley's writing. Maybe she should go back to focusing on art for a while, as that's typically excellent here. "Trial by Fire" started out strong, when just focused on these characters hanging out and screwing around, but it ultimately proved unable to fuse character development and action-driven plotting in a satisfying way. [6/10]

Sonic X, Episode 1.26: Countdown to Chaos

Sonic X, Episode 1.26: Countdown to Chaos

Japanese Title: Birth! Super Sonic

Japanese Title: September 28th, 2003

U.S. Air Date: March 27th, 2004

As we reach the end of season one of "Sonic X," I've got to give the show props. At least in its original Japanese form, it is surprisingly easy to watch. It felt like it took me months to suffer through even half of "Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog" and "Sonic Underground." Watching "Sonic X," on the other hand, has been a fairly breezy and painless experience. Even during the surprisingly surreal and aggressively wacky episodes, I've been far more into this show than I ever would've expected. Watching it subtitled is, I suppose, what it finally took to make me a "Sonic X" believer. So let's conclude our reviews of season one.

"Countdown to Chaos" begins with dawn breaking over Station Square. As the kids are getting ready for school, the shadow of the Egg Fort II darkens the skies. Sonic follows behind the warcraft, hoping to rescue Chris and prevent Eggman from getting his hands on the white Chaos Emerald. G.U.N. attempts to intervene but it does little to turn the tide of the battle, which is beginning to favor Eggman. After the Egg Fort II transforms into a robot powered by six Emeralds, things are looking grim for our hedgehog hero. Only two things can save the day: The overwhelming power or Chris Thorndyke's love for Sonic and an appearance from everybody's favorite glowy, good super form.

While there's little doubt about who will ultimately be victorious in this episode — the Japanese title even announces that Super Sonic will be making an appearance — I do approve of “Sonic X” upping the stakes for the season finale. Sonic really gets his ass beat in this episode. The transformed Egg Fort II, called the Egg Emperor in the original Japanese but the punnier Eggsterminator in the dub, is a truly formidable enemy. When powered up by the emeralds, it’s even faster than Sonic and whips his ass all over Station Square port area. (Because 4Kids is lame, they cut out a lot of shots of Sonic being battered and bruised.) The beating is so severe that Eggman actually starts to feel bad about it! In this cartoon, I guess one magical power-up is what determines whether a fight is fair or a trouncing. Either way, it is exciting to see the normally unstoppable Sonic face a serious threat for once.

As powerful as the Eggstermiantor is, it’s ultimately no match for the greatest force in the universe: A child’s love. Eggman has Chris clasped against the wall of his murder machine’s cockpit, forcing him to watch as Sonic gets the stuffing kicked out of him. (Which definitely has to rank among this version of Eggman’s more sadistic moments.) This is naturally traumatic for Chris. Even though he’s literally a 12-year-old boy, and the bar holding him in place looks huge and heavy, Chris finds the strength to yank it out of the goddamn wall! He then tears the Chaos Emeralds from the control panel, burning himself in the process, and smashes through the ship's glass. This Chuck Norris-like display of strength concludes with Chris declaring that Sonic will stay with him forever.

This moment is drastic for more than just the obvious sight of a tiny boy-man hulking the fuck out. Chris announcing he'll never ever let Sonic leave is a change of attitude from the last episode. Seemingly every thought Chris has in his head in the last third of this episode centers on his devotion to Sonic. After Super Sonic appears and blows the Egg Fort the fuck up, boy and hedgehog have another tearful encounter. Sonic seemingly tries to inform the boy that he'll be just as strong without him. Chris, in response, screams about how he's nothing without Sonic and he can't bare the thought of him being left alone. This could've been a moment of character development, of Chris realizing he's just as strong without his blue bro, but the boy refuses to change. His starting-to-get-creepy infatuation with Sonic continues to define him. That boy needs therapy.

If Chris leaping through a window for Sonic and declaring he's never gonna give him up nor let him down strikes you as less than platonic, you're not alone. Chris clearly loves Sonic and it's not too far of a leap to assume he looooves him. If this was the case, it would be far from the only queer content here. Before heading into battle, Topaz gifts Rogue a ring and makes her promise not to "say goodbye." Topaz tries to brush it off as not a big deal but blushes the entire time, with Rouge flirtatiously accepting the gift. I can't really think of a heterosexual explanation for this moment. Later, Lucky the robot is explicitly described as falling in love with Sonic after he rescues him. Okay, I know, robots don't really have genders but everyone calls Lucky a him. His eyes turn into hearts for Sonic, a further cartoon heart encircling them. This isn't subtext, this is domtext. "Sonic X" is now a gay show and there's nothing anyone can do about it. (Unsurprisingly, Lucky's love for Sonic was removed from the dub. Yet even 4Kids can't deny Rouge and Topaz's sapphic affection and left that moment untouched. If anything, it's more romantic in the U.S. version.)

For the kids watching this episode on the Fox Box back in 2004, I'm betting it was more remembered for being Super Sonic's first appearance. Somehow, the battered and beaten Sonic gathers up the Chaos Emeralds after Chris and Rouge accidentally drops them in the ocean. He emerges as Super Sonic. Because curb-stomp battles are seemingly the only battles this show does, Super Sonic destroys Eggman's most fearsome robot in seconds. In a show fond of deus ex machina, Super Sonic is the deus-est of them all. His god-like powers even extend to Chaos Controlling the entirety of Angel Island and a chunk of Mobian land to Earth. I don't really find this to be a satisfying conclusion, though it certainly fits the tradition of Super Sonic immediately resolving all the plot's problems. If nothing else, I do like the touch (in the Japanese version anyway) of Super Sonic speaking calmly and quietly. He's all-powerful, what's he got to be anxious about?

“Sonic X's” reliance on sloppy resolution to the episode's problems is, if nothing else, entirely consistent. The show's consistency shows itself in another way: G.U.N. is completely useless. After some foreshadowing, the Beetle tanks built with Eggman technology make their appearance here. They prove completely useless against the Egg Fort. Not because they aren't powerful – the laser beams they shoot from their Hercules beetle stalks seem pretty strong – but because Eggman's shield easily deflects them. Even though Sonic never has trouble tearing through Eggman's armor, the Hercules tanks similarly withstand the Egg Fort's weaponry. All the tanks really do is help carry Sonic to the fight over the ocean. Otherwise, the U.S. government contributes nothing to the day being saved and it's totally up to Sonic. As is usually the case.

“Countdown to Chaos” is obviously a more serious episode of “Sonic X,” focused primarily on the character's relationships and a big epic showdown. Yet, even now, this series can't resist its weird sense of humor. Lucky's sudden attraction to Sonic is obviously the biggest, weirdest joke here. There are also multiple fourth wall breaks from Eggman. He addresses the audience repeatedly. While Sonic is getting pummeled, he points out how, if this wasn't a kid's show, he'd definitely be dead by this point. None of these jokes are laughers – Lucky falling in love with Sonic is hilarious – but it does continue to show this series' quirky sense of humor. Though an earlier moment where Sonic running by kicks up Helen's skirt, Danny looking a little too closely at this, is a gag we probably could've done without. 

What with this being the season finale, you can also tell that “Sonic X” got a little bit of a budget boost with this episode. Most of “Countdown to Chaos” looks like a typical installment of “Sonic X,” which is to say the animation is totally serviceable if a little bit mediocre. However, there are two scenes that look a little better. When Sonic is leaping across the flying Hercules tanks, getting closer to the Egg Fort, the lines are crisper and the action is smoother. The same is true during the Egg Fort's big transformation into the Eggsterminator, which features typically flashy anime style posing. It's nice that someone kicked in a little extra money here.

While I certainly have some issues with this episode taken on its own, it proves to be a fairly satisfying conclusion to “Sonic X's” first season. Super Sonic may be a cheap plot contrivance but it's one that was inevitably going to show up anyway. Big chunks of Sonic's home world being zapped to Earth certainly proves to be a hell of a cliffhanger to end on. There's enough surprises here to ensure I had a good time, which is basically true of the entire season as well. Onward to season two! [7/10]

Sonic X, Episode 1.25: A Dastardly Deed

Sonic X, Episode 1.25: A Dastardly Deed

Japanese Title: The Last Chaos Emerald

Japanese Air Date: September 21st, 2003

U.S. Air Date: March 20th, 2004

The penultimate episode of “Sonic X: Season One” details everyone trying to find the damn last Chaos Emerald. Eggman deploys a robot named Lucky, apparently designed to stumble upon the emerald by pure chance. The government debates the merits of gathering all the emeralds and Chaos Controlling Eggman off of Earth. They still send Rouge and Topaz to find it. Knuckles gets the idea of trying to convince Eggman and Sonic to put aside their differences and pool their emeralds together, figuring getting back home is the most important thing to do. The echidna convinces Chris — very conflicted about the idea of his new friends leaving him — to go along with this plan. Naturally, Eggman betrays them immediately and Sonic is chasing after his buddy by the episode’s end.

Following the completely random episode last time, “Sonic X” remembers it has an on-going plot. In fact, “The Last Chaos Emerald” is twenty-four minutes of nothing but set-up for the season finale. The A-plot is devoted entirely to setting up that cliffhanger, of getting us to the point where Eggman has six of the Chaos Emeralds and is on his way to grab the last one. The B-plot, of Rouge and Topaz sneaking around and finding Eggman’s ship, sets up the U.S. military deploying that mysterious beetle tank they showed off not that long ago. All the exciting stuff is going to happen next time, leaving us with the first part of a two-parter mostly devoted to the characters thinking about what their next course of action will be.

So this is not an action-packed installment but it still finds something interesting to focus on. Chris Thorndyke is one angsty little boy. On one hand, he knows Sonic and the rest of his furry friends going home would make them happy. On the other hand, Chris doesn’t want them to leave him. I know “Sonic” fans are supposed to hate Chris. Because he’s a whiny little bitch the show focuses on, instead of the titular hedgehog. Both Danny and Francis are in this episode, so it’s not like the Mobians going home would leave Chris totally alone. But I’ve pointed out in the past, Chris’ obsession with Sonic mirrors his longing for his parents. Sonic is cool and heroic and also goes out of his way to avoid Chris, even though he spends a lot of time just hanging around the Thorndyke mansion. Chris’ parents are famous and successful and barely see their child, even though Nelson is a tech billionaire who doesn’t have to work. And Lindsey could easily take long breaks between acting jobs, if she wanted to. 

Chris is going to spend his whole life looking up to people who don’t want him, instead of appreciating the friends that actually choose to spend time with him. Predictably, Chris chooses to help gather the Chaos Emeralds, having already accepted his fate as someone inevitably abandoned by the people (and hedgehogs) he loves. I know Chris is kind of annoying but I do feel sorry for the kid.

Chris’ dilemma over how he should feel is such a pivotal part of the episode that it even devotes an extended scene to Chris laying down in the school therapist’s office and talking out his feelings. Mr. Stewart — I guess to save the designers the work of making a new character for this one scene — takes on the therapist role… Despite presumably not being licensed to do so. He gives Chris a piece of candy as part of a strangled metaphor, about how Sonic may leave but the sweet memories of his time here will linger on. Considering there’s a whole idiom about not taking candy from strange men, all this moment really does is further the illusion that Mr. Stewart has an unhealthy fixation on his student. If I was Chris’ parents, if Chris’ parents actually gave a shit about their child, I would be worried why this adult man wants to spend so much time with him. I get that the government is paying this guy to keep an eye on the kid but I’d hope a CIA agent would know how to do this without setting off the stranger danger alarms.

Another deep character insight I perceive in this episode: Knuckles is an idiot. He’s so laser-focused on his job, of getting back to the Master Emerald, that he’s apparently completely unable to recognize patterns. He walks right up to Eggman, promises to bring him the Chaos Emeralds, and believes him when he promises to do what’s best for the greater good. This person who has never been anything but selfish and duplicitous in his entire life. Chris is a deeply depressed and impressionable child, so I understand why he went along with this. Knuckles knows Eggman can’t be trusted. He knows this because Eggman betrayed him once already! When Knuckles gets back to Angel Island and sees that his precious big rock is fine, will he remember that time he endangered his friends and all of humanity by handing the mad scientist six MacGuffins? At the end of the episode, Sonic doesn’t even get mad at Knuckles about this, which shows that his capacity for forgiveness far outstrips my own.

It really says a lot about Eggman’s competency as a villain that the good guys have to promise to bring him the plot devices, when his brilliant plan for this episode is to literally hope he gets lucky. E-77 Lucky is designed to find the last Chaos Emerald. Does he do this with a built-in Chaos Energy tracker or with powerful, long-distance scanning abilities? No, he’s a child-like robot outfitted with various good luck charms. His design is outfitted with rabbit’s feet, a horseshoe, a four-leaf clover, the number seven, a ladybug, and a general bell-like shape. (Also a squirrel tail and angel wings, two good luck charms I am not familiar with.) Because this is a cartoon, this plan actually works when Lucky finds the white Chaos Emerald near the end of the episode… But only after suffering the humiliation of falling down a lot, landing in a dumpster, and being taken to a junkyard. I just don’t know if I can give Eggman this W, man.

Also, in this episode we discover that former White House press secretary Jerome White now knows the honest labor of working as a garbage man and that he’s still holding a torch for some lady named Vivian. The previous episode was unusual for its aggressively weird content. This episode is unusual for its introspective tone and lack of wacky hijinks and exploding robots. It’s another one where Sonic doesn’t have too much to do, save for running after the Egg Fort II at the very end. I don’t know if I can give an episode this focused on simply setting up the plot of the finale too much of a recommendation but I did find some things to be interested in here. It need more of Rouge and Topaz arguing/flirting though. That definitely would’ve improved things. [6/10]

SOME THOUGHTS ON THE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2 TRAILER

I remember it like it was yesterday. In May of 2019, the trailer for the hotly anticipated live-action “Sonic the Hedgehog” movie debuted. Many die-hard “Sonic” fans, who are very used to this franchise being abused and disappointing us, were already skeptical of the movie's existence. Then that trailer dropped like an atomic bomb, generating a wave of anti-buzz that threatened to destroy the movie before it even came out. It was such a seismic reaction that the studio was forced to listen, redesigning Sonic and pushing the movie back several months. 

How you feel about the finished movie seems to depend entirely on where your priorities were. Most mainstream movie critics thought it was fine, a totally serviceable and very typical kids' movie The “Sonic” fandom, meanwhile, was very positive on the movie. In fact, I remember a lot of people saying they loved it. Even though it had little to do with the “Sonic” franchise as it had existed before that point.. Whether this is because the first trailer was so bad it set people's expectations in the abyssal plain – and people already expected the movie to be bad, because video game movies are usually bad – or because Sonic fans are especially uncritical about something as long as it looks right is really a matter of opinion.

Regardless, Jeff Fowler's “Sonic the Hedgehog” movie was a hit. It grossed 319 million against a 90 million dollar budget. That made it the highest grossing superhero movie of 2020, dethroning Marvel's ten year run in that genre. It also made it the highest grossing video game adaptation in U.S. box office history, defeating “Detective Pikachu,” the movie it was unflatteringly compared to at one point. It also had the advantage of being the last big studio release before the pandemic shut everything down, making “Sonic” seems like the last happy outcast from the version of history that existed before the world went completely fucking insane. 

When a film makes that kind of cash, especially when it's based on a long-running multi-media franchise with a number of exploitable tie-ins and spin-offs, obviously a sequel is on everyone's mind. This was obviously something the first movie hoped for or else it wouldn't have included that Marvel-esque mid-credit teaser featuring Tails. Even Jim Carrey, who once wasn't much for sequels, was ready to go. And so “Sonic 2” rolled into production last year, filmed this previous spring, and the trailer came out yesterday.

If you're reading this blog, you know all the juicy details already. Leaked set photos confirmed Knuckles and Tails would play a large role in the movie. After Jason Momoa and The Rock were rumored, Idris Elba got cast as Knuckles. He then denied that Knuckles was sexy, obviously unaware of the property he will now forever be linked with. Colleen O'Shaughnessey would reprise her role as Tails from the games and the previous movie's last scene. All of this is good news. 

So what of that trailer? 

First off, the only real complaint I have is that it feels a little heavy on the quips. I get that Ben Schwartz is a funny guy who knows his way around a one-liner. Similarly, we all expect Sonic to be a sarcastic little smart-ass who cracks jokes in the face of danger. Yet the trailer feels a little heavy on that. This may just be a side effect of how modern trailers are cut, to emphasize action and humor as much as possible. Also, I still don't know why Jason Marsden is in these movies. Tom was... Largely inoffensive in the first one but I feel like his role will grow increasingly inessential, if the film franchise continues to evolve down the path it seems to be on.

Otherwise, the trailer definitely doubles-down on the shit that is going to make fans loose their mind. Tails is front-and-center, including piloting the Tornado while Sonic poses on the wing in an iconic manner. Jim Carrey's Robotnik is now sporting a mustache more akin to the game version. A Chaos Emerald is presented in all its glimmering glory. And, of course, Idris Elba's Knuckles has a show-stopping appearance in the last few minutes. Despite whatever Idris' intentions were, the combination of everyone's gruff and punch-y echidna with his sonorous voice are going to have an immediate impact on certain subsections of the fandom. 

A slightly deeper look at the trailer reveals even more fun stuff. Sonic munches a chili dog. The Egg Drones from the first movie have been remodeled to resemble Buzz Bombers. Agent Stone, already a beloved minor character, is shown working in a coffee shop with the words “mean” and “bean” on the wall behind him. Sonic appears to perform a Homing Attack in one scene and rides a snowboard down a mountainside. We even see missiles fire out of some sort of large, somewhat round, dark structure, which I suspect might be the Death Egg.

All of this suggests a sequel that will lean much more into the “Sonic” universe as we know it. Of course, the question remains: Will the movie actually be good? That disastrous initial trailer was almost, in a way, a blessing for the first “Sonic” movie. Precisely because it set everyone's expectations so low, that the movie could easily exceed them. “Sonic 2” has a much more uphill battle ahead of it, because people actually liked the first one. Fans actually expect the sequel to be at least as good. That leaves a lot more room for disappointment. This is a factoid I understand and I am working as hard as possible to not to get too excited for the film. 

But here's the ugliest truth of all: I love the "Sonic" franchise too much, been too obsessed with this fucking thing my entire life, to be objective about what is fundamentally a mediocre kids movie series. As long as this nods towards the Thing I Love, I'm willing to forgive so much. This is definitely probably why I rated a movie that should've been, at most, a 6/10 as high as a 8/10. What does that say about the state of studio filmmaking, that filmmakers try to patch over merely passable quality by injecting it with easily-grasped childhood nostalgia? And what does it say about me that I'm 100% falling for it? 

These are questions we don't have answers to yet and won't know for sure until the movie is actually out in April. What I do know is that I'm ready to strap in, baby. SONIC 2 HYPE TRAIN STARTS NOW WOOOO!!!!