SO ABOUT THAT “SONIC” MOVIE TRAILER...

You may recall, back in March, I wrote a long, rambling response to the concept art for the live-action “Sonic” movie that had just been leaked at the time. At the end of that article, I promised another doubtlessly long reaction would arrive after the trailer for the movie came out.

Well, as I’m sure you know, the trailer came out last week. The reaction from fans and the mainstream entertainment media was about as negative as you could imagine. The internet spent most of last week memeing on the movie hardcore and it doesn’t seem like it’ll slow down any time soon. Everybody hated it. My girlfriend, who could best be described as tolerant of my “Sonic” fandom, said the trailer “degrades” Sonic. Even my sister, who never texts me, texted me specifically to say it looked bad.

If you read my last essay/rant/response, you know I was desperately trying to stay optimistic about the film, being a long time “Sonic” and movie fan who has long dreamed about two of my passions coming together. Yet even I was defeated. After watching the trailer last week, I felt physically bad. I had to lay down for a few minutes afterwards. I wish I was exaggerating for comedic effect. It’s been a week, which is not enough time for the healing to begin but has been enough time for me to gather my thoughts.

So let’s do a bit of a blow-by-blow on my thoughts about this already infamous trailer. I will admit, the opening seconds got me hyped. Seeing Power Rings encircled the Paramount logo, hearing those famous sound effects in a cinematic context, the SEGA logo appearing on-screen, it touched a deeply nerdy part of me inside my soul. As a wise man said years ago, next, a blue streak speeds by. There are rushing POV shots of Sonic speeding through the forest. It’s pretty cool! “Hey,” my brain thought, “this looks okay!”

And then Sonic puts a tape in a cassette in a tape player with his weird, creepy monkey hands, and my heart started to sink. That shot really emphasizes that the film is deliberately aping “Guardians of the Galaxy,” obviously hopeful that Sonic will be this year’s Rocket Raccoon. The resulting musical choice of Coolio’s “Gangster’s Paradise,” which scores about half the trailer, has been widely mocked. And rightfully so. Associating Sonic with nineties nostalgia was a smart move but associating him with a young black man trying to survive in a crime-infested inner city setting probably wasn’t. Moreover, “Gangster’s Paradise” is a slow, dirge-like song. Don’t we want to associate Sonic with speed, most of all?

Now, let’s talk about Sonic’s appearance, since that is what most people have been reacting so strongly too. When those pictures leaked, I said it looked okay. But seeing a static image of something and seeing it in motion are two very different things. There is, admittedly, something off-putting about live action Sonic. From certain angles, it looks okay. I think that close-up on the face is alright. But the limps are too long, the proportions too human-like. Sonic runs right into the Uncanny Valley. He looks less like the hedgehog we know and love and more like an abominable combination of human child, ape, and Grover’s evil twin. There’s even something weird about Ben Schwartz’ voice coming out of this thing.

And all of that is before Sonic opens his mouth. Let’s talk about the teeth, shall we? Those weird, perfectly white and small teeth. I think the choice to give Sonic human-like baby teeth is emblematic of the bad design decision made during the film’s production. In a cartoon, you hardly ever notice Sonic’s teeth. Because how he chews his food isn’t important. Something similar can be said of his fingers. Sonic wears cartoon gloves because having realistic, human-like hands is not essential to his character. The filmmakers, for some reason, decided to emphasize realism with a character that is pretty fucking far from realistic. I know I previously said you couldn’t just swap in cartoon Sonic into the real world setting and call it a day. But some better compromise between the film’s real world setting and the character’s inherent ridiculousness should’ve been reached.

Yet, as bad as the design is, I don't think it's what is really bugging me about this trailer. I was able to enjoy Platinum Dunes' second “Ninja Turtles” movie because, despite the hellish character designs, the film understood those characters. A concern I previously expressed about the project was that it would mirror “Hop” or any number of other family films about small, annoying, CGI animals bothering a boring, straight-man actor. And, yeah, the trailer seems to point in that direction. While I think the movie wants to be hipper than that, the level of humor on display suggests that's about where it is. Sonic going “Meow!” upon being discovered or a crack about stinky gym bags – with a really baffling lead-up involving kidnapped children – does not present the comedic cutting edge.

By why should we expect the general character dynamics of the movie to be of any interest at all when the film doesn't seem to have much of an identity of its own at all? Since the trailer's release last week, it's been compared non-stop to the “Detective Pikachu” trailer, as both are video game adaptations about a CGI animal having an adventure with a human. While comparisons like that I think are ultimately a futile gesture, it proves a good point about “Sonic.” Look at the “Pkachu” trailer. The cinematography is eye-catching, with a light noir atmosphere and an expressive use of warm colors. Moreover, that film clearly takes place in a detail-filled world, the city and its surroundings having a sense of character beyond the characters themselves.

“Sonic,” meanwhile, is flatly lit in bright, almost TV sitcom-like fashion. The film is apparently largely set in San Francisco but there's little indication of that in the few shots of the city we get in the trailer. There's none of that particular flavor here. “Sonic” could be set in any city, in any country. It's all green forest, generic small town roads, and identity-lacking skyscrapers. In other words, “Sonic” looks boring. (Notably, “Pikachu's” cinematographer was offered “Sonic,” turned it down, and hasn't hesitated to share his thoughts on the rival project.)

That “Sonic” looks so uninteresting is frankly bullshit as, any regular reader of this blog knows, “Sonic” lore is full of all sorts of weird mythology, strange world, and elaborate backstory. It does not seem the movie is drawing on any of that. Instead, Sonic generates surprisingly deadly EMPs and has some sort of electrical abilities, because all super-fast characters are the same. There's a callback to “Sonic X's” notorious theme song. In one line of dialogue, Sonic mentions “saving your planet,” which suggests to me the plot will involve a “Sonic X-” like planet or dimensional jump. But that's about it as far as hints at the franchise's wider world goes. The trailer seems to indicate that the “Sonic the Hedgehog” film was not made by fans.

Which brings us to the trailer's presentation of Robotnik. We already knew this would be a radically different take on the character, since Jim Carrey does not look like any previous iteration of Sonic's arch-foe. And, really, I don't care if Robotnik is skinny, wears a trench coat, and is some sort of government agent or contractor. If anything, he seems like one of the more faithful elements of the film. This Robotnik still has a red color scheme, a mustache, tiny goggles or glasses, and builds robots. He even seems to be piloting an Egg Mobile or a similar vehicle in one scene. Carrey's performance comes off as kind of obnoxious but, well, that's what you hire Jim Carrey for, isn't it? He looks like he's having fun and it's a been a while since we've seen Carrey give a really over-the-top, physical performance like this. All the press for the film seems to indicate the character will be called “Robotnik,” which I prefer to “Eggman,” though I'm still fully expecting that nickname to be referenced in some capacity.

It's not the version of Robotnik I would've written but at least it looks interesting, which makes it one of the bright spots in the trailer. There are a few other moments like that. One shot involves Sonic throwing a Power Ring around and opening a portal. (This also seems to hint that the story will involve dimensional or interplanetary travel.) While I kind of doubt this is a reference to the comic's Warp Rings, I still like the potential connection there. I also enjoyed the sequence where Sonic is moving so fast that all the enemies around him are standing still. That's a mildly clever action beat. The Fitbit joke beforehand isn't funny but does seem like the kind of thing Sonic would say.

Frankly, the moment in the trailer giving me the most hope is a brief one at the very end. Right before the trailer ends, we see a shot of Carrey's Robotnik with a shaved head and a bushier mustache. His red and black suit is torn up in a way indicative of the classic game design, right before he pulls his goggles over his eyes. He stands among a bunch of giant mushroom, which might be a reference to “Sonic and Knuckles'” Mushroom Hill Zone. It's the moment in the trailer that most resembles the video game's world and the only scene with any real personality. That one shot actually looks like a proper “Sonic” movie.

It's also, I suspect, a giant tease. Given its already apparent vast divergences from established “Sonic” lore, I kind of doubt a more faithful “Sonic” movie is hidden somewhere inside this film. What's more likely is that this little scene is probably from the near the end of the movie. This “Sonic” will probably be one of those adaptations like the “G.I. Joe” movie, that act as extended prequels to the version of the franchise we actually care about, optimistically saving all the good shit for a sequel that may or may not ever be made. This is a bullshit practice, of course, and one inclined towards failure. How about giving people what they want and expect on the first go-around, instead of jerking us off by being all meta and above the material and shit?

Especially since the film's box office future seems grim. When your trailer is met with anguished wails and countless jokes – this one was my favorite – it seems hard to imagine people will line up for this motion picture. The reaction was so brutal and so swift that, mere days after the trailer's release, director Jeff Fowler went on Twitter and promised that Sonic will be re-designed before the movie. I have a lot of thoughts about this and they are mostly negative too.

First off, I feel bad for the movie's VFX team. An overall of Sonic's design, even a minor one, means all the CGI in the movie will have to be redone, within six months of the movie's release. Animators are already treated like shit in Hollywood and six months of guaranteed all-nighters is going to be hell for them. Similarly, rushing to redo a movie's effects months before its release is how we ended up with Henry Cavill's plastic upper lip. It's hard to imagine an extensive and practically last minute revamping like this will improve the movie. It's not like they are completely rewriting the film either. Not to mention this change will also screw over merchandise tie-ins, which are presumably already set in stone.

And, no, I'm not buying any conspiracy theories that this was done on purpose, as some ass-backwards attempt to generate publicity. Big budget film production doesn't work that way. A more likely explanation is that no redesigns are forthcoming and this announcement was just a bullshit attempt to deflect criticism.

Either way, any changes should have happened before filming even started, before the final draft of the script was approved. Not now, when the damage is already done. Even if they do manage to pull off this complete CGI overhaul and still keep that November release date, which will be a fucking miracle, the “Sonic” movie will probably already be remembered as a massive misstep from a franchise already famous for its mistakes. (Though I guess it would be in-keeping with “Sonic” history if the movie was rushed out for a Christmas release date...)

I suppose the possibility remains that the finished product will surprise me. I would love that. Despite what the rest of the “Sonic” fandom might make you think, I sincerely do want this franchise to be good, popular, and successful. But my expectations remain very low. Once again, my bare minimum hope is that the movie avoids being a complete and total fiasco, that it ends up being competent. It was all foretold from the beginning, that a “Sonic” movie would be a mess. I knew the pain was coming but it hurts nevertheless. To quote someone much smarter than me...