Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 7

Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 7
Publication Date: November 1993

With the seven issue of “Sonic the Hedgehog,” things roll along as usual. We get a goofy pun-tastic cover, in which Sonic displays an interesting selection of classic literature. Angelo DeCesare contributes two silly story with predictable endings and very simple jokes, with a handful of one-page gag strips to pad the book out to an appropriate length. That’s the way things were in the early days of Archie.

 

In the first story, a seesaw related accident leads to the Freedom Fighters uncovering Uncle Chuck’s treasure map. This leads them to Mobius Natural Park, which has been reduced to a toxic wasteland due to Robotnik’s pollution. The cybernetic tyrant and his henchmen are quick behind them, also searching for the treasure. In the second story, Sally dresses up as a witch for Halloween, mistakenly assumes she has magical powers, and receives romantic gestures from Robotnik, who doesn’t realizes this sorceress he’s fallen for is one of the Freedom Fighters.

Before I go on about all the lame things I dislike about Issue 7, I should probably mention the handful of things I mildly enjoy about it. To begin, this is the first issue in quite a while to mention Uncle Chuck. It’s nice when the comic nods towards the characters that would become way more important later. Robotnik’s pollution turning the park into a radioactive doom zone is another example of the ecological themes present in early “Sonic” media. Lastly, I like that the second story is set on “the annual Fright Night,” presumably an analogue for Halloween, and has the characters dressing up in costumes. That’s soon forgotten, as the story goes off in a wildly different direction, but I like the effort.

Now the stupid shit. Thus far, Angelo DeCesare’s writing is really making me miss the comparative subtly of Mike Gallagher. Both of the main stories follow well-trodden comedy clichés. In the first, everyone seeks a treasure that is then revealed not to be riches, gold, or a powerful new weapon. Instead, it’s a personal memento with absolutely zero practical value. From the first panel, I saw that one coming. The second story functions on a ridiculous case of mistaken identity – really, a hat and dress is all it takes to fool Robotnik? – and incredibly unlikely coincidence. Sally and Robotnik are both believe that she has magical powers because a freak geyser just happens to toss a rock into the air when she points at it. Lastly, DeCesare piles on the puns. Look at these things:

“That’s the first seesaw I’ve seen since I saw…” “The natural park looks more like a supernatural park!” After being shot, “I think he’s trying to pin the “BLAM” on us!” “You shouldn’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong cause it won’t be long anymore!” “Too bad, walrus! Tusk! Tusk!” ‘That’s swat you get, SWATbots!” “Hey Buzzbomber! Your family tree has hives!” “It was mighty slick of me to use this oil spill to escape!” “I knew Buzzbomber couldn’t take a little needling!” After scooping something up in a net, “This is what is meant by a net gain!”

Holy shit, dude. You think you’ve got enough there?

After the comic has made Sonic look like a bullying asshole throughout these early issue, issue 7 decides its time to make Princess Sally look like a total bitch. When Sonic and Antoine offer to be her bodyguards while she’s out exploring, she yells at both of them to leave her be. Okay, reasonable if slightly prickly. After Sonic rescues her from Robotnik, after disobeying her order and secretly following her, Sally beats him over the head with a stick. (Which leads to another pun. “Witch way did she go?”) It doesn’t help that Sally, characterized as an independent and capable woman on the cartoon show, needs a man to rescue her after stumbling into stupid peril. One of the one-page gags has Sally reading Antoine the riot act for him daring to name a boat after her. Somehow whizzed in her cereal that morning…

It’s going to get better eventually, right? [4/10]