Sonic Underground, Episode 1.05: Underground Masquerade

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.05: Underground Masquerade

Original Air Date: September 3rd, 1999

This show wasn't even trying with the titles, were they? This is an episode about a masquerade but it's not underground, literally or metaphorically. Sonic Underground participates in the masquerade but there's not word-play or double meaning in the title otherwise. I know DiC had the writers cranking out two episodes a week, which really explains why this episode and many others just blankly list what the premise is.

Anyway... Sonic, Sonia, and Manic are booked to play at a masquerade party, thrown by a rich Duke who also secretly supports the rebellion. (Also because Queen Alena is rumored to be attending the party, though this has no effect on the plot.) Sleet and Dingo are designated with collecting the Duke's taxes but want to keep the money for themselves. They cook up a plot to blame the theft on the resistance. At the same time, Sonic Underground teams up with a group of young pickpockets, recruiting them into their band. A disguised Dingo goes undercover into this group as part of a convoluted scheme to frame Manic for the theft.

Every episode of "Sonic Underground" so far has been bad but this is the first one to be morally reprehensible. The intended moral of this episode is "Stealing is bad," which is basic enough. Yet writer Rick Merwin fucks it up in the worst way possible. The pickpockets are repeatedly chastised for their lifestyle, even after explaining that it's the only way they can afford to eat. The Duke, meanwhile, is insanely rich. He has an entire vault full of gold bars. The heroes note that it's a shame that the duke has to give up so much of his wealth to pay Robotnik's taxes.

What the fuck. Did Tucker Carlson write this? I get that Robotnik is evil and uses tax money to fund his tyranny. But minor royalty can afford to pay however much is demanded of them. You can't equate kids on the street who are starving with rich people having to chip in a little extra from their literal vault full of gold. The episode tries to depict the Duke as a friend of the rebellion. Yet he still rats out Manic the minute it's suggested he might've taken the tiniest coin. The Duke can afford to lose that fucking coin! And if he's helping out so much, why are there still starving homeless children roaming the streets? How about you use the cash allocated for your fucking costume party to fund public service programs to combat homelessness, motherfucker?

Some people will say this is a controversial statement, though it really isn't: A system that values the lives of the rich more than the lives of the poor is inherently unjust. Therefore the poor stealing from the rich to provide their basic human needs is morally justifiable. I get that "don't steal" is a good basic message to send to kids. But don't try and sneak in a message about how rich people shouldn't pay their taxes in there too, you fuck. Maybe fucking dukes shouldn't hog all the resources that lead to the poverty that results in homeless kids. Sorry for the socialist rant in the middle of this "Sonic the Hedgehog" review. But if this fucking TV show is purporting to be about rebels fighting a dictatorship, the writers should actually examine the morals of the scenario before putting pen to paper.

The episode is fucked-up in another way too. Queen Alena's opening monologue suggests Manic doesn't steal anymore. Sonic and Sonia repeatedly state that their brother has left that lifestyle behind. When he's framed for robbery, everyone is super-duper disappointed in him. So what about all the scenes from the previous episodes were Manic swipes something from the bad guys? Thieving has been Manic's main character trait from episode one. You can't backtrack so suddenly six episodes in.

All of my complaints are based in the creators of this show actually paying attention to their writing and the show's established world. This is obviously something they weren't willing to do. Previously, I questioned why this show didn't depict Sonic Underground as a traveling band, as that parallels nicely with their status as on-the-run rebels. (And would at least justify the band gimmick in the first place.) This episode does just that, even though it directly contradicts previous episodes. Moreover, how can wanted fugitives advertise their status as a band? At least they perform at the masquerade in costume... But Sonic's guitar is still on the side of their van. That's not exactly laying low.

There's not a lot of logic or consistency in this one. But at least, for once, the musical number actually has a reason for existing. Sonic Underground is performing at the masquerade party. The heroes don't just randomly burst into songs like they usually do. Moreover, the musical number is a cover for Manic sneaking into the vault. The song actually serves the plot, instead of being awkwardly forced in.

Still, none of this makes up for how awful the song is. Because the pickpockets play fiddle and accordion, Sonic Underground performs a zydeco number. (A number that doesn't feature keyboards or guitar but does feature drums, even though Manic leaves half-way through.) The tuneless melody is matched with senseless lyrics. They rhyme zydeco with bayou. The lyrics also mention the Cajun language and Louisiana. Do these things exist in the "Sonic Underground" universe?

Ya know, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" not having any interior logic or paying attention to shit was one thing. That show was an aggressively goofy slapstick comedy. "Sonic Underground" pretends to make sense but actually doesn't. About the only thing I liked about this episode is that one of the ragamuffins kind of looks like a gremlin. Shitty politics aside, this is still a half-assed episode. Shitty politics included, this is easily the worst episode of this bad show I've seen so far. [3/10]