Sonic Boom, Episode 1.01: The Sidekick

Sonic Boom, Episode 1.01: The Sidekick

Original Air Date: November 8th, 2014

I've begun every single one of these "Sonic" cartoon retrospectives by talking about each show's intro. Honestly, a completely badass opening was a tradition begun by "SatAM" and continued by every proceeding "Sonic" series. Say what you will about "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" but its theme song and the accompanying animation totally establishes the mood. Even "Sonic Underground," by far the weakest of all the cartoons, had an awesome introduction. 

"Sonic Boom," I'm sad to say, breaks this tradition. Like, it's fine. It even tells you a little bit about the show itself. It depicts Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy all racing towards the camera and striking action movie poster worthy poses. (The longer French version features a little more footage of posing and action, alongside a bitchin' guitar solo.) They then face off as a group against Eggman and his Badniks, before a rainbow colored background. This probably seems like the beginning of an action heavy cartoon show. These expectations are then subverted when the show's title drops down on Eggman's machines in an anticlimactic, comedic fashion. Basically, "Sonic Boom" tricks you into thinking this is going to be a typical video game adaptation before revealing that comedy is the goal here. 

The intro is also only a few seconds long – as not to cut too much into each episode's brief eleven minute run time – so it doesn't really have much of a chance to make an impression. There's no time for Sonic and Sally to destroy a factory or Super Sonic and Shadow to duel it out. The theme song is similarly forgettable. It's a brief piece of orchestra music that ramps up the excitement and then ends, serving its purpose without making much of an impression on the viewer. "Sonic Boom's" intro being simply serviceable is not really the show's fault. Awesome cartoon intros and theme songs have mostly died out alongside their Saturday morning time slots. If the kids were watching this on Netflix or Hulu or whatever, they probably just skip the intro anyway. So why should the animation team put that much effort into it? I'm guess I'm just a traditionalist... 

The initial minutes of the first episode, "The Sidekick," pulls a similar trick to that opening. It depicts Sonic chasing Eggman through the rocky canyons of a barren desert. Sonic is soon fighting it out with Eggman's latest killer robot, who is outfitted with snapping claws and rocket punches, above a lava-filled chasm. Tails provides air support in the Tornado, giving Sonic a lightning lasso to swing around on and defeat the robo-baddie with. But Tails' plane is shot down during the skirmish. Sonic rescues his friend from the crashed vehicle, is relieved to hear that his heart still beats, and races his injured buddy back home. 

Sounds pretty dramatic, right? Well, it is. I mean, there's jokes. Sonic makes fun of Eggman's name and the name of his robot, much to the villain's chagrin. But battle banter is nothing new for the "Sonic" franchise. However, the minute Sonic and Tails return to their island paradise abode, it becomes clear that chuckles will be the focus of this program. The rest of the episode revolves around Sonic, concerned for his bro's safety, forcing Tails into sidekick retirement. He holds try-outs for a replacement and the two main candidates are Tails and Eggman, who seizes on the fine print in the ads to audition. Yes, there's more action in the second half, as the two compete in a hover board race and Eggman reveals his plan to betray Sonic and squash them both. But yuks are obviously, primarily the goal here. 

Which begs the question: Did I chuckle, guffaw, titter, or hoot while watching "The Sidekick?" Well, a little bit. The episode has a couple of decent gags. Knuckles auditions to be Sonic's sidekick and immediately begins changing the terms of the agreement. Amy also attempts to be Sonic's sidekick, trying to impress him by juggling and singing. The third applicant is Fastidious Beaver, whom I already know from the "Sonic Boom" comics and who also has a trademark tendency to correct everyone's grammar at all times. These are amusing set-ups but the show returns to them to often. By the third time Fastidious Beaver said "actually" or Amy bursts into a throaty rendition of "When the Saints Go Marching In," most of the humor has been drained out. 

There's a lot of that hyper verbal, overly self-aware humor here. Sonic pedantically criticizes the name of Eggman's new robot, who is called Fire Bot despite having no fiery attributes. There's a fourth wall break during Eggman's villainous speech. After Sonic tries to let Tails down easy, there's a quick exchange where the two establish that he's actually fired. That sort of humor is trying too hard to get a laugh, in my opinion. Smaller gags – like Sonic apologizing to a photo of himself or Eggman taking the time to write up a resume for his evil scheme – are more amusing to me than the constant snark. 

Ultimately though, "The Sidekick" does earns points for being invested in its characters. Sonic has an actual arc here, learning that he needs Tails as much as Tails needs him. That his little buddy is far from a defenseless child. Eggman is obviously not a world conquering despot here yet the attempts he makes in the good guys' lives are still fairly serious. The moment Sonic and Tails defeat him is a very sincere victory, meant to make the kids at home cheer. I like it when even a farcical show takes the characters' lives and the stakes of the story seriously. I have no idea if that'll be the normal state of affairs for the rest of the series but I appreciate it here.

It may take me an episode or two to get used to the show's sense of humor. Similarly, the animation will take some adapting. "Sonic Boom" is, obviously, the first CGI Sonic cartoon. And I'm not typically a fan of CGI animation on a TV budget. "Sonic Boom," ya know, doesn't look as good as any theatrically released CGI cartoon. The character models are a little stiff, especially when it comes to facial expressions. I don't mind the "Sonic Boom" character designs but, in action, the gangly limbs do look a little weird at times. The action scenes are pretty smooth, even if the environments could've been more detailed. The scene where Sonic displays his inability to swim – which, of course, I appreciate – features some pretty choppy water. 

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on the voice cast as I watch my way through the show, Mike Pollock's Eggman is perfectly gravelly but I still find Roger Craig Smith's Sonic a bit blandly heroic. Overall though, "The Sidekick" starts "Sonic Boom" off on a perfectly cromulent note. There are a handful of funny jokes. It's well constructed enough not to bug me. It doesn't blow me away and the show hadn't found its footing just yet. But, as far as season debut goes, it's fine. Sorry if you were expecting either more praise or damnation than that. [6/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 51

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 51

Publication Date: July 27th, 2022

The fifty-first installment of IDW's "Sonic the Hedgehog" comic has only been out a few hours as I write this and it's already proving to be one of the most controversial issues in the comic's short history. Not because of any of the narrative choices or character decisions it makes. Honestly, I haven't lurked enough today to see if the issue itself has been well received or not. Instead, the controversy started yesterday when the preview images came out and fans got a look at a panel where Belle informs Sonic that Dr. Starline is dead... and the hedgehog reacts by saying "Big oof." This single word balloon has ignited such debate that "Big Oof" was actually trending on Twitter this morning. 

I'm pretty disconnected from the modern world, as I am An Old and now have the glorious option of just not giving a shit about many things. Apparently, Sonic saying "Big oof" to the news of an enemy dying is being interpreted by some as "cringe" or unsympathetic. Maybe it's just because I've been around since the days when Sonic peppered his speech with totally rad surfer dude lingo but Sonic dropping modern internet speech into his lexicon does not phase me. I mean, if he said "Lol" or "poggers" or called someone "Blorbo," that would probably be a little distracting. But the hedgehog saying "Big oof," this one time, is fine. He fucking flossed in the movie and nobody gave a shit about that, so I fail to see the big deal here. If this is how the fandom reacts to one instance, I doubt Flynn will incorporate any more "Roblox" speak into Sonic's verbiage. 

As for accusations of Sonic being dismissive or cruel to the news of someone dying... I mean, I guess I can see people getting testy about that. Obviously, because fandom debates are so fucking intense and bipartisan these days, the anti-Flynn crowd will use this as more ammunition that the writer fundamentally doesn't grok Sonic. This single goddamn line will fuel their personal theories and validate their vendettas that [X] quality of the "Sonic" franchise is bad now or was never good to begin with. Yet considering Flynn devoted several pages in just the last issue to describing Sonic's idea of justice – clarifying that he has an unlimited supply of forgiveness but only so much compassion – I think this probably lines up. Starline's evil acts extended past Sonic's give-a-shit quota for the day. 

Also, Sonic is fighting a fucking war against an enemy here. People are going to die. It seems unlikely to me that Starline is permanently dead anyway, so the hedgehog can apologize for his momentary lack of empathy the next time he sees the platypus. And the guy just got done dueling an angry teenager, a fight he was totally unprepared for. He's had a stressful day. He's a little grumpy. A smidgen grouchy. It's okay if someone doesn't act one hundred percent consistently all the time. Real people don't. I don't think acknowledging that is a way to excuse O.O.C. writing. I do not feel this is the IDW equivalent of the infamous Sally Slap panel. These fans who see characters as just a set of stats that must be exactly obeyed at all times are exhausting. I blame video games and the internet.

Anyway, I'm done participating in the Big Oof Discourse. Let's talk about this comic book outside of the contents of a single goddamn panel. We pick up shortly after where we left off last time. Sonic, Tails, Belle, and an unconscious Kitsunami are being pursued through Eggman's Eggperial City by a horde of Badniks. They find a hiding place long enough to form a plan. Using her momentary connection to Metal Sonic to access the city's maps, Belle realizes there's a hanger not too far from their current location. Sonic will distract the army of Badniks while the others sneak over there, picking the hedgehog up in the way back. Yet Eggman is more ready for this escape route than they anticipate.

This issue really worked for me, because it does something that almost always ratchets the tension up in an action story. Our heroes are pinned down, in a tight situation. They are surrounded on all side by enemies. Their is no clear path to victory, forcing them to strategize on the fly. This is why "Die Hard" and "The Raid" and "Night of the Living Dead" and countless other stories are masterpieces of thrills. It's possible, I suppose, that Flynn could've made things even more dire. If he had forced the gang to think of a plan while literally fighting off more Badniks. Or made Sonic even more exhausted and desperate while battling the robotic goons in the second half, instead of his usual effortless, snarky self. (Though if people are ranting over "Big Oof," I can only imagine how'd they act about that.) Yet I'm not going to bitch about a brief moment for everyone to catch their breath while they're knee-deep in The Shit. It's still an effectively suspenseful premise for an issue. 

In fact, this issue even surprised me in a big way. It seems, after writing him as kind of an ineffectual villain for the last year or so, Flynn is recommitting to Eggman being an actual serious threat. It's sort of a rule in writing that, any time our heroes put a detailed plan in place, that something will go wrong. That's just a basic rule of dramatic dynamics. Yet it still caught me off-guard that Eggman sees through Sonic's escape route so easily here. He plays the heroes' game, only to send Metal Sonic to take the aircraft down at the last minute. A clean escape and an easy victory is snatched away from the good guys right before they grab it. Things go from bad to worst. The stakes are raised even further and Eggman – who was being briskly humiliated as recently as the FCBD issue – is reestablished as a brilliant, dangerous adversary. Good shit. 

This is also an issue that is almost constantly moving. Aside from the brief scene of our heroes making their plan and Eggman putting together his countermeasures, everyone is on the run here. The guys are outmaneuvering a horde of Badniks on the first page, which they barely escape. Sonic spends the entire second half hurdling around an army of killer robots, his interior monologue letting us know that he's starting to tire. Tails and Belle are sneaking around, trying to find the ship. All of that is before Metal Sonic shows up! The pacing here is extraordinarily fleet-footed, which is really appreciated after what felt like a sluggish run-up to issue fifty. 

The action scenes look fucking cool too, thanks to two artists working at the top of their game. Adam Bryce Thomas pencils the first twelve pages while Mauro Fonseca draws the remaining pages. Thomas really has fun drawing an entire page devoted to Sonic zipping around and wrecking Badniks. The opening panels, where Sonic tosses Belle to safety, is energetically drawn. A single page set in the belly of Eggperial City, where conveyer belts lead to a huge Eggman-shaped furnace, is cool as shit. I'm reminded of the Moloch machine from "Metropolis." We see dumping tubes extending down from the shadowy surface. The pipes extending out and upward of the Eggman furnace even look a bit like devilish horns, further giving this panel a hellish atmosphere. 

This is only the third time Fonseca has provided interior artwork for IDW. I liked his pencils on "Sonic Learns to Drive" but was not blown away by his work on "Imposter Syndrome." Yet his pages really impress me here. His Sonic is a little more Classic influenced than most, a little chubbier and cuter, but with extra attention paid to how expressive his spines are. His action scenes are also very spirited. The inking, from Rik Mack, also elevates Fonseca's pages. The pages devoted to Metal Sonic scuttling the aircraft, and the resulting fiery crash, are so dramatically shaded. It's also clear that everyone had a blast drawing a whole selection of classic Badniks. I'm going to need a YouTube analysis video to tell me who they all are and where they originated. 

After devoting what seemed like a long time to "The Road to #50," I was really curious where IDW "Sonic" would go next. Interestingly enough, the series does not seem eager to return to the status quo. Belle has been changed by her meeting with Eggman last issue, rather literally. She now has a more analytical brain, her wooden processors somehow retaining information from Metal Sonic. This suggests the little puppet may have a new function as the Restoration's strategist going forward. Metal Sonic seems to have been changed by this encounter too, if the panel of him tensely pausing when Eggman calls to him is any indication. Did Belle's independence rub off on Metal, the same way his intel rubbed off on her? Eggman seems interested in retrieving Belle, seeing potential in her. Did I sense a hint of jealousy from the machine that assumes itself to be Eggman's favorite "child?" Is Sonic's most robotic rival going to actually get some character development here soon? I don't know if Sega will allow that, or if Flynn is even interested in exploring that, but here's hoping. 

While there's some pleasant surprises here, this issue does one thing that didn't shock me in the least. Flynn wastes no time at all revealing that Surge is very much alive. Sonic drops the oft-mocked line "Nobody could survive that!" but, totally expectedly, IDW's most beloved new cast member is quickly shown to be the exception to that statement. She's the person who falls on the conveyor belt I mentioned above. Thomas milks all the visual panache he can out of the image of Surge pulling herself from a pile of twisted wreckage and escaping mere seconds before it's smashed by a giant tooth-shaped piston. Surge is clearly going to be a major antagonist for the comic's immediate future. At least it looks cool. 

The issue ends on a hell of a cliffhanger too, with our heroes stranded behind enemy lines and Sonic fucking up his ankle in the crash. There's also the lingering question of what Kit will think of all this once he awakens from his stupor. In other words: This issue is good! I asked not too long ago if IDW had a plan for this series. Now, it's immediately evident that they do. This is a tense little read and, ya know what, I even like it better than the action packed previous issue. We need more tensely plotted and executed issues like this. And I won't give a shit if Sonic says "Big Oof" in those issues too. [8/10]

Sonic Boom: Introduction

In 2013, the “Sonic the Hedgehog” franchise was not in the best place. By that point, the meme-ification of the "Sonic" series as a failed holdover from the 16-bit era had solidified in the public's mind. Sonic was a weirdo. He was doomed to appear in games that misunderstood his appeal, focused on bizarre gimmicks, and had increasingly baffling plots. The games themselves were coming out in broken, unplayable, or just plain unfinished states. It had been seven years since "Sonic '06" and eight years since "Shadow the Hedgehog" were released but the franchise had still not recovered from those seismic failures. To be a "Sonic" fan was to have most people assume you were a furry pervert or an autistic creep. 

Sega had done little to fix this perception. Every minor success their trademark series had was then followed by a puzzling misstep. The surprisingly well-received "Sonic Colors" would lead to "Sonic Unleashed," a divisive title whose positive attributes were completely overshadowed by the bizarre Werehog feature. The fairly well liked "Sonic Generations" would lead to "Sonic: Lost World," a mediocre game hassled by an ungainly control system and a group of new villains that, a whole decade later, still haven't gathered many defenders. The racing spin-offs, "Mario" crossovers, and mobile games were ignored by all but the most hardcore fans. Even the incredibly niche corner of the fandom devoted to the Archie "Sonic" comics was having a bad time that year, as an unprecedented lawsuit victory had just caused the entire series to be hastily rebooted. 

I have no doubt that Sega was aware of the declining image of their mascot franchise. They knew a retooling was in order, to reverse the course of things. It was decided that, rather than reboot the entire franchise and risk alienating long-time fans, a radically different sub-series would be launched. American audiences would be directly targeted by this new iteration, in the hopes of turning a new generation of kiddies into die-hard "Sonic" freaks. And Sega figured the best way to do this would be to carpet bomb the marketplace with new content. There wouldn't just be a new wave of "Sonic" games but a new cartoon show, a new on-going comic book, and a mountain of merchandise.

That "Sonic Boom," as the enterprise was named, was aimed squarely at modern American children was very obvious. Sonic and his beloved supporting cast would be extensively redesigned. The initial plan was to render Sonic and the gang as even cartoonier than usual, a plan that was rejected because the Sega people freaked the fuck out. A compromise was soon reached that saw the characters redesigned but not so much that they were unrecognizable. Meanwhile, the cast members would have their personalities reduced to easily understood archetypes. The tone would get wackier and funnier, focusing on a core group of characters having zany adventures in a tight-knit community and wild new world. It was "Sonic" by way of "SpongeBob" and was clearly meant to appeal to a similar audience.

Of course, things did not go according to plan. Even if the character redesigns were not as extensive as they could've been, fans were still outraged. The overall cartoonier aesthetic was criticized. Swole Knuckles and the abundance of scarfs and sports tape were widely mocked. The idea of a "Sonic" series focused primarily on comedy annoyed fans who liked the action/adventure aspects. I'm sure Sega anticipated some of this backlash, as "Sonic" fans are a finicky lot that nitpick everything. 

What they probably didn't expect was the downpour of bad reviews that greeted the video games. "Sonic Boom: The Rise of Lyric" would quickly reach a level of infamy equivalent to "Sonic '06," if not exceeding it. The game was seemingly rushed to make its release date, resulting in a product riddled with glitches. Everything about the title was heavily criticized, with the camera system, graphics, game play, level designs, and writing all being singled out as especially poor. "Rise of Lyric" would also be a commercial failure, becoming the worst selling main "Sonic" title in the series. The "Sonic Boom" game series limped on for two more installments, which were better received than "Rise of Lyric..." Not that you'd be able to verify that, as nobody bought or played them. 

So the "Sonic Boom" spin-off franchise was an abject failure, right? Well, not exactly. The games were unquestionably artistic and commercial flops. Yet the cartoon show, the thing I'm here to actually talk about, would slowly become a fan favorite. The sitcom-like setting took some getting used to but the sharp writing and strong comedic voice would quickly start to win people over. It was as different from past "Sonic" cartoons as they all had been from each other, that change-in-approach appealing to a new audience. I have no idea if kids got on the "Sonic Boom" train, as most of the people I've seen praising the show have been old like me... But it is notable that the merchandise sold well, seemingly confirming that "Sonic Boom" had, at least in some regards, captured the demographic Sega had hoped it would. 

In fact, I sometimes wonder if "Sonic Boom" wasn't more influential on overall "Sonic" history than people realize. A while after the "Boom" cartoon started, the fortunes for the "Sonic" series started to turn around. Maybe it was just because the blue hedgehog had finally hit rock bottom and suffered every indignity a gaming icon can. Perhaps the public's nostalgia for 90s 'tude had finally kicked in. Yet I suspect the turn-around can be partially attributed to Sega deciding to be in on the joke. If Sonic was going to be laughed at, someone realized that best strategy was to laugh with the detractors. Playing along with the memers and leaning into the series' frequently mocked history started to win "Sonic" the best notices it had gotten in years. This would eventually pave the way for better games and the series' most recent successes in cinemas. Was this snarkier approach perhaps influenced by the "Boom" cartoon's humorous approach? 

Who can say for sure? But I do know the "Sonic Boom" cartoon had won a faithful audience, that was willing to follow the show around. “Sonic Boom” aired its first season on Cartoon Network, which probably seemed like an ideal home for it at first. Kids watch cartoons on Cartoon Network after all, right? Yet the show was treated poorly by programming execs. It was barely promoted and stuck in weird, early morning time slots. This seems to be the typical way Cartoon Network treats programs that aren't owned whole-sale by their parent corporate. Eventually, “Sonic Boom” would be dumped on Cartoon Network's sibling station, Boomerang, where the higher-ups could totally ignore it. (This callous behavior would extend into the show's afterlife, with an official announcement about its cancellation never actually coming and the production company basically just assuming the series was over after a while.) Despite the network barely acknowledging the program, it managed to pull in decent ratings over the course of the two years it aired. 

Despite Cartoon Network abusing it, “Sonic Boom” technically has the most episodes of any “Sonic” cartoon. There's 104 episodes of the series, dwarfing even “Sonic X's” 78 episode run. Of course, this statement comes with a pretty big asterisk. Each installment is only eleven minutes long and two frequently aired back-to-back, meaning “Sonic Boom” only ran for 52 half-hours. I considered reviewing two episodes at a time for this retrospective but decided that it probably made more sense to give every one the proper attention it deserved. 

The piss-poor treatment by its network – combined with the games failing spectacularly and shake-ups at Archie getting the comic prematurely canceled – really made “Sonic Boom” into something of an underdog. The people who watched this cartoon and read the comics seemed to actually like them quite a lot. They both managed to be relatively successful, despite the deck being so spectacularly stacked against them. It's interesting how this corner of the “Sonic” universe started out as despised and ended up being pretty well-liked all around. We'll see if that's reflected any as I watched my way through the show.

Much like “Sonic X,” I don't really have a relationship with “Sonic Boom” the way I did the earlier “Sonic” cartoons. This was not a conscious choice on my behalf. I watched a couple of episodes when the show was new and found them to be pretty amusing. I always meant to catch up with it but, as happens all too often with TV shows, just never found the time to. This retrospective will be my first time watching most of the show. So let's get to it and see what this “Boom” is all about.

Sonic X: Conclusion

If this blog has no other purpose, it's to make me a more complete "Sonic the Hedgehog" fan. Because "Sonic" is such a weird, expansive, multi-media franchise, there are so many strange by-ways and spin-offs from the games. As someone who has been obsessed with the series more-or-less my whole life, I've always been curious about a lot of these branching pathways. Hedgehogs Can't Swim has given me an excuse to finally do a deep dive into parts of the "Sonic" franchise I'm not familiar with. 

"Sonic X" was definitely one of the deeper "Sonic"-related avenues I had never really explored. A lot of fans first got exposed to the blue hedgehog because of this cartoon, becoming lifelong devotees because of it. This show fired a lot of passions for this character and his universe. And, after putting it off for years and years, I can finally say that I have watched my way through all of "Sonic X." (I even watched the two "pilots." Though they are more like sizzle reels that I didn't feel the need to write about, as most of the animation from them were reused for the opening title sequences.) I am now as much of a "Sonic X" x-pert as I'm willing to be. 

Before I started my "Sonic X" retrospective, I wrote a rambling introduction, as I always do. In that rant, I talked about how "Sonic X" was never very attractive to me. How it always seemed to be the kids-glove version of "Sonic," designed to appeal to people a lot younger than me with a far less sophisticated pallet. That I didn't recognize "my Sonic" in what I had seen of the show before. And that was why I never previously considered myself a fan. Looking back at it now, I'm almost embarrassed I wrote those words. They reflected, not "Sonic X" as it actually exists in its unaltered form, but the painfully bowdlerized dub assembled for American audiences by a corporation that thought kids were too stupid for anything but the most simplistic narratives.

The truth is, while watching my way through "X," I actually did recognize "my Sonic" a lot. My Sonic is a fucking weirdo, who is always going off on adventures barely related to the video games that spawn him. My Sonic frequently slingshots between opposing tones and has a supporting cast of obscure characters who Sega probably doesn't even know exists. My Sonic has to contend with convoluted lore that doesn't appear in any other iteration of the franchise. While these words describe the Sonic of the Archie comic books and "SatAM," they also describe "Sonic X" perfectly. 

In that overly long introduction, I also said that "Sonic X" struck me as a sanitized version of the franchise. By which I meant it felt like a version of "Sonic" with all the weird stuff scrubbed out. That sure as hell turned out not to be true. "Sonic X" is weird as fuck. This is a cartoon where Rouge forms a barely disguised sapphic relationship with a federal agent. This is a cartoon that devoted whole arcs to bizarre digressions like Eggman trying to scam the world out of sunlight or an extended homage to sixties kaiju movies. It went as in-depth as a children's cartoon could on exploring the topic of how an alien hedgehog crashing to Earth influences human society. This show's sense of humor is odd, with lengthy excursions into absurd silliness and frequent fourth wall breaks. This is a cartoon whose final episode features a scene where Eggman looks right at Rouge and says her boobs are big. "Sonic X" is jam-packed full of weirdness.

One of the weirdest things about this show is how unweird a lot of its supporting cast is. Instead of using its earthbound premise as an excuse to make Sonic and friends more accessible, the Sega-created cast were allowed to be as wacky as ever. The humans around them had mundane concerns and thoughts but associating with a cartoon hedgehog threw the absurdity of society into sharp reflect. "Sonic X" was often, in its own way, a goofball parody of modern life. Politicians, cops, and other authority figures were often humiliated by the furry heroes, making it apparent just how silly their default states are anyway. And it certainly didn't hurt that this show was explicitly set in America despite being made with extremely Japanese sensibilities. "Sonic X" exposed me to a vision of the culture I've grown up in as warped through the lens of another country. Fascinating shit.

Which brings me to my next point: Chris Thorndyke isn't so bad. "Sonic X" remains a fairly beloved piece of the franchise, with its own die-hard following. But even those fanboys are mostly united in their dislike of Chris Thorndyke. If you scroll through the comment sections of just about any "Sonic X" video or article, you can usually find people bemoaning the existence of the boy millionaire. A common refrain is that "Sonic X" is good but it could've been better if the spotlight wasn't frequently stolen by Chris and his fleshy friends. While I agree that Chris Thorndyke was an often whiny and annoying cast member, I found myself slowly growing attached to the kid. One of my favorite things to do while writing these reviews, you've probably noticed, has been to stop and psychoanalyze Clingy Chris' all too apparent neuroses. Sonic himself certainly could've been given more to do throughout the shows first two seasons. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy spending time with, and head-shrinking, the supremely fucked-up Chris Thorndyke. His abandonment issues and obsessions ended up adding a lot of unexpected depth to this cartoon.

In fact, Chris Thorndyke and all the stupid human characters that come with him managed to improve the parts of the show I was most concerned about. Going into "Sonic X," I had the misconception that the cartoon was mostly devoted to adapted the Dreamcast era of "Sonic" games. You'll have to excuse my ignorance here, as one of the few things I knew about this cartoon going in was that Shadow, Rouge, and the Chaotix all appeared. I wasn't looking forward to this, as I had already played "Sonic Adventure" 1 and 2 and didn't need to what half-assed anime retellings. This is exactly what the "Sonic Adventure" adaptation was but the cartoon managed to put its own off-beat spin on "Adventure 2" and "Sonic Battle." (And it didn't even really adapt "Sonic Heroes," as Metal Sonic was one of the few then-relevant Sega characters left out of the show.) Moreover, watching the series attempt to integrate guys like Chris, Topaz, or the President – or even Chris' school teacher for some reason – into these preexisting plots was frequently fun. 

Another thing I knew about "Sonic X" going was that its third season was wildly different from the two that proceeded it. This is very true. Season one and two are largely set on Earth. Season three is an intergalactic adventure that spans all across the universe. While the first two seasons frequently made time for small-scale slice-of-life stories – or at least what passed for "slice of life" stories in a "Sonic" cartoon – season three told an epic sci-fi tale where every living soul in the universe is threatened. While the series was previously beholden to the video games in many respects, season three saw "Sonic X" truly branching off into its own narrative. The first 52 episodes of this show can be divisive but almost all its fans seem to agree that season three is really when "Sonic X" came into its own.

I can't disagree. Season three tells a fairly compelling sci-fi adventure story, even if it partakes of some action anime tropes I don't always love. The season does it job of telling an interesting, entertaining plot you can get invested in. Cosmo definitely has one of the juiciest arcs of the series and watching her relationship with Tails grow was involving. Season three clearly features some of the best written episodes out of "Sonic X's" entire run. 

It also feels really different. Sometimes, it feels like an entirely different show all together. "Sonic X" never loses its eccentric sense of humor. There's plenty of goofy, inexplicable moments in the third season. But it's definitely a bit of a culture shock that the cartoon that devoted a whole episode to our heroes playing baseball with the bad guy is also the show where the kid sidekick has to blow his girlfriend up to keep a villain from killing all life in the universe. "Sonic X: Season 3" definitely got a little too invested in its own lore sometimes. I think the plot was somewhat convoluted at times. But, the fact remains, if "Sonic X" is two different shows mashed together, I like both of those shows. I like the story of Sonic and his friends trying to save us all from the dreaded Metarex empire. I also like watching Sonic goof off around the Thorndyke mansion. 

How does "Sonic X" compare to other "Sonic" cartoons? While "SatAM" will always be my personal favorite, I think most would agree that "X" is superior to "AoStH" and "Underground." Clearly, "Sonic X" is the cartoon that most resembles the modern video games, which makes it the obvious fan favorite for a lot of people. What really makes "Sonic X" stand-out when compared to the other three series is that it actually has an ending. "SatAM" was cut short. "Underground" never made any attempt to resolve its storylines. And "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" was not much concerned with plot either way, just picking a random point to stop. (Even the OVA was pretty open-ended.) "Sonic X," meanwhile, has a proper resolution. It puts a big tidy bow on most of its characters' emotional arcs. The narrative concerns are resolved. There's enough wiggle room that you could still tell more stories in this universe – which I'm sure fanfic authors have – but "Sonic X" is something rare in the world of blue hedgehog spin-offs: It feels complete. The showrunners were actually allowed to wrap things up on their own terms. 

And now it's time for me to wrap things up. Yeah, I like this cartoon. I should've watched it a lot sooner! If I had been born in 1998, instead of 1988, I suspect "Sonic X" would've had the same impact on my life "SatAM" did. I enjoy watching and writing about this series, more often than not. And now it's time to say good-bye. So long, Clingy Chris. I'm glad you got therapy. Sayonara Topaz and Bokkun and all you other freaks and geeks. I will definitely miss some of you. I'm glad I never have to hear "The Golden Road" ever again though. As for me, I've got other "Sonic" cartoons to review. To all you "X"-heads out there, I sincerely wish you gotta-go-fast onward into eternity. 

The Fight for the FoxBox

The Fight for the FoxBox

Original Air Date: August 31st, 2003

You probably thought I was done talking about the English dub of "Sonic X" but I have more bit of programming to discuss here. I spent a lot time recently criticizing 4Kids Entertainment, the New York City-based licensing company that brought "Sonic X" to the U.S. But in the early 2000s, 4Kids – which got its start in the eighties as a toy licensing company and would co-create "Thundercats" – was massively successful. They helped make "Pokemon" a global merchandising juggernaut. In 2001, 4Kids obtained the TV and toy rights to "Yu-Gi-Oh," which proved to be another massive hit. Say what you will about 4Kids' treatment of "Sonic X" but the company's reach and power at the time helped make the show an international success.

In 2001, News Corp would sell its Fox Kids Worldwide division to the Walt Disney Company. This would mean the end of the long-running Fox Kids programming block, which left a huge gap in Fox networks' Saturday morning time slots all over. Flush with cash, 4Kids Entertainment would sign a deal to fill that gap. They would create the Fox Box, a new Saturday morning programming block that 4Kids had complete control of. The Fox Box would begin broadcasting in August of 2002, with "Sonic X" as one of its flagship shows. 

But the story of the Fox Box is really the story of the decline of Saturday morning cartoons in America. Saturday mornings used to be when all the hottest cartoons, that were extended advertisements for all the hottest toys, would air. The rise of cable would threaten Saturday mornings' dominance of the kid market though. Why should kids wait around until Saturday to watch their favorite shows, when they can flick over to Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon and be entertained any day of the week? This, combined with other factors, meant a lot less money was flowing towards broadcast TV. This meant increasingly smaller budgets for their kids divisions to spend on programming. This is why groundbreaking shows like “Batman: The Animated Series” and “DuckTales” would, as the nineties ended and the new millennium began, be increasingly replaced with shows purchased from overseas. After all, it had worked for “Pokemon” and “Digimon,” so why shouldn't that work for everyone else?

And this is why, in my eyes anyway, the Fox Box – the name of which would eventually be changed to 4KidsTV, which sounds less like a seventies softcore porno – would proved to be a fairly lackluster endeavor. Almost all of its programming were toyetic shows designed to chase fads or copy other popular programs, produced in Japan or Europe, that 4Kids had simply dubbed and recut for American audiences. Of the Fox Box's launch programs, the only ones that weren't dubbed were a new iteration of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” a franchise in its third decade by this point, and an animated spin-off of “Stargate,” a sci-fi universe that was too nerdy even for a giga-nerd like me. 

Almost everything the Fox Box aired in its first few years was an attempt to ride the coattails of some other successful show. 4Kids licensed video game based anime like “Kirby: Right Back at Ya!” and “Sonic X” because “Pokemon” was a huge hit. They aired an “Ultraman” show because it would appeal to kids who liked “Power Rangers.” “Ultimate Muscle” was picked up because it vaguely looked like “Dragon Ball Z.” “Shaman King” and “Fighting Foodons” were clearly in the mold of “Yu-Gi-Oh!” Imitation was 4Kids' guiding principal and would continue to be all throughout the Fox Box's existence. So even if the 2003 version of “Ninja Turtles” is regarded as one of the best, and “Sonic X” is a fairly beloved show, there wasn't a lot of other reasons to stick around. Unless you really wanted to watch a butchered version of “One Piece,” an Italian rip-off of “Sailor Moon,” and yet more shows based on video games.

So why am I talking about any of this? In August of 2003, 4Kids would put together a 32-minute special designed to promote their slate of shows for that season. “The Fight for the Fox Box” would apparently air in prime time in a lot of markets. It was also distributed as a promotional DVD through magazines and newspapers, in an attempt to draw more eyeballs to the Saturday morning programming block. The special would combine footage from “Ninja Turtles,” “Ultimate Muscle,” “Shaman King,” “Kirby,” and “Sonic X” with more perplexing programs. So, yes: Sonic, Kirby, and the Ninja Turtles once co-starred with a bunch of other characters nobody gives a shit about in a half-hour, prime time special. 

The word “co-starred” comes with a pretty big caveat though. “The Fight for the Fox Box” cooks up a wildly incoherent plot to roughly combine these eight different cartoon shows. A mysterious voice summons Eggman, the Shredder, King Dedede, and the villains from “Cubix” and “Ultimate Muscle.” All these characters are seemingly aware of their status as TV show characters that air on something called the Fox Box. The omniscient voice has the programming code for the Fox Box and distributes it in parts among the villains. If the bad guys can keep this number from getting out, they will retain control of the programming block. The heroes from each respective universe rally to defeat the baddies and grab the parts of the code. The viewer is then encouraged to type the code into a special website to further ensure the safety of the Fox Box, though how exactly that works with the rest of the special's plot is never made entirely clear.

On one hand, I almost have to admire whatever poor bastard had to assemble “The Fight for the Fox Box.” 4Kids easily could have just presented promotional clips for their shows side-by-side, to tease kids with what was coming and remind them of what happened last season. Instead, what I can only imagined was some extremely beleaguered editors, writers, and voice actors were tasked with combining eight unrelated shows into some sort of narrative whole, all while fulfilling the purpose of advertising the line-up. That certainly couldn't have been an easy task and I assume the team probably had little time or resources to accomplish this. 

As much sympathy as I may have for the corporate drones stuck making it, the fact of the matter is “The Fight for the Fox Box” is almost unwatchable. This must be among the most inanely plotted programs I've ever seen. Very little attempt is made to explain what advantage this program code gives the villains. Even more vague is how viewers entering different pieces of the code into the website will “Save the Fox Box.” The show can't even keep its details straight, as one scene says April O'Neil made the website while a later one says Donatello created it. Of course, I realize I'm the dumb one for trying to analyze the plot of a half-hour collection of clips meant to promote a programming block. But trying to follow the plot here is often exhausting. I looked away from the screen at one point, looked back and saw Kirby fighting a giant robot mole, and was completely lost as to why this was happening. 

The novelty of “The Fight for the Fox Box” is seeing these different franchises interact with each other... But they barely do that. I knew, going in, that this special was largely composed of archive footage from these different cartoons, hastily cut together to create the illusion of a crossover. I wasn't prepared for how half-assed that crossover is though. Generally speaking, each cartoon is isolated to their own universes. The Ninja Turtles talk about stuff going on in other shows but they never interact with them. Sonic and Kirby do not share screen time. Amy Rose and April O'Neil do not compare fashion tips. The only characters to actually meet in this special are the stars of “Funky Cops” and a supporting character from “Ultimate Muscle.” Otherwise, it's just clips from the various shows sandwiched together, with awkward new dialogue dubbed in and separated by graphics that say “Meanwhile, in [this other show's setting.]” 

And the sole, actual crossover in this special really highlights how dire the Fox Box's offerings were. What the fuck – or, rather, what the funk – was “Funky Cops?” It's apparently a French cartoon that ran for 39 episodes in its native country in 2002. It seems to be an exaggerated parody of “Starsky and Hutch,” as it follows a pair of 1970s San Francisco cops driving around the city in a muscle car while wearing bell bottoms and disco dancing. One has sideburns and the other has a large afro. I don't know why a series based in seventies pop culture would be targeted at children in 2002. I'm an adult actually familiar with seventies pop culture and I didn't find any of the gags on-display here very inspired. I can't imagine what a child must've thought. The character designs are ugly, the animation is uglier, and there's some hideous CGI inserted at times. 4Kids' attempt to bring this over must not have been very successful, as this is the first – and probably the last – time I have ever heard of this cartoon. 

Not that the anime offerings were much more inspired. “Ultimate Muscle” was a revival of/sequel to “Kinnikuman,” a classic shonen fighting anime from the eighties that was also a parody of pro-wrestling. Here in America, that series is most famous for the toy line it spawned: “M.U.S.C.L.E” (which supposedly stood for “Millions of Unusual Small Creatures Lurking Everywhere”), which were little rubbery figurines of the show's bizarre characters. The original “Kinnikuman” never got broadcast over here so I don't know how close “Ultimate Muscle” was to the original's tone. But 4Kids' dub really doubled-down on the bathroom humor. Here, we see Kid Muscle, the strangely shaped hero, fly via high-powered farts. He also grapples with a character with a literal butt-head, who also fights via farts, and a villain who is also a giant toilet. (The main villain in this segment is a guy shaped like a remote/cellphone who talks with a Peter Lorre accent, so “M.U.S.C.L.E.” was all about making random objects into weird bad guys.) There's repeated references to diapers and pants-wetting. It's, uh, not very good. There's a certain grotesque creativity on-display in the character designs but, in the context of a scatological cartoon, they only make the thing more unappealing. 

Yet somehow neither of these programs are the ugliest, most desperate components of “The Fight for the Fox Box.” Among the team of villains is Dr. K, the bad guy from “Cubix: Robots for Everyone.” “Cubix” was an all-CGI Korean cartoon that 4Kids had previously licensed to the W.B. Network. There, the show aired in its entirety in 2001 without drawing much attention. But I guess someone at 4Kids really thought this one could be a hit, because they dug it back up for the Fox Box. I don't know why they thought that. The CGI animation is stiff and awkward. The character designs are exceedingly ugly. The environments are simplistic and the colors are drab. The voice acting is grating. The toyetic robots aren't very interesting looking. The title character, and the boy hero's main robot buddy, resembles a set of multi-colored dice stacked atop each other. It's somehow the most depressing cartoon of all the ones high-lighted here. 

But what about the “Sonic” content, ostensibly the reason I'm reviewing this godforsaken thing in the first place? Don't get too excited. “The Fight for the Fox Box” crams in most of the opening scene from the very first episode of “Sonic X.” New dialogue, awkwardly referencing this thing's dumb-ass plot, is inserted. If you really want to see Sonic referencing a defunct children's programming block from the early 2000s, give this a watch. Otherwise, it's not all that exciting. The “Ninja Turtles” segment similarly extensively recycles scenes from that cartoon that obviously have nothing to do with this storyline, despite the half-assed attempt to convince us otherwise. But at least both of these shows had decent animation, saving us from the ugliness of the rest of “The Fight for the Fox Box.”

Ultimately, there's just no getting around the fact that “The Fight for the Fox Box” is a work of promotion, not narrative. This becomes apparent early on when the Ninja Turtles have a lengthy conversation about the Fox Box and its new show, “Shaman King.” The heroes then sit down and watch a ten minute long promo for the anime, meaning this extended advertisement contains within it an in-universe advertisement for itself. (“Shaman King” looks like shit, by the way, with its hideous character designs and obnoxious voice-acting.) The “Kirby” scenes also have a long scene where King Dedede talks about the premise of his own cartoon, using a lot of advertisement-worthy buzzwords to describe what happens. Despite attempting to have a plot, “The Fight for the Fox Box” frequently pauses for extended promos like this. We get ones for “Ninja Turtles” and “Sonic X” too, along with the opening theme song for “Funky Cops.” It's pretty annoying when you're watching something that's pretending to have a plot, only for it to instead try and sell you something instead. 

This utterly asinine special then ends with a twist ending that's nothing but an advertisement for another Fox Box show. This one being “The Cramp Twins,” another very ugly looking French cartoon that 4Kids tried to turn into a ratings success. That so many of these shows were forgotten failures is unsurprising, as watching clips from them put me into a full-body cringe that took hours to walk off. Watching characters from good cartoons try and sell you bad cartoons is not, it turns out, a very rewarding experience. “The Fight for the Fox Box” is just a piece-of-shit promo quickly thrown together, a disposable nothing of a program that was designed to be quickly forgotten. Yet that purely mercenary purpose, when combined with the increasingly dire programs being promoted, results in one of the most unpleasant things I've watched for this blog. “The Fight for the Fox Box” is painful. I can't believe I wrote 2433 words about it. If you want to experience this thing yourself, it's on the Internet Archive. [3/10]

Sonic X: The Dub

When I first started my “Sonic X” retrospective, I commented that this was the third or so time I had attempted to watch the show. I never made it very far before for many reasons, my then-reluctance to explore versions of Sonic that I didn’t have nostalgia for being the main one… But, I think, watching the dub each previous time was a major factor. It's not a controversial opinion to say that the “Sonic X” dub is bad. At the very least, most agree it's the inferior version of the show. There's still quite a lot of enmity towards 4Kids these days, for their heavy and frequently bizarre censorship. Honestly, I don't know why it took me so long to just watch the sub. Once I did, I found "Sonic X" to be a fun, quirky show in its own right. 

Nevertheless, the dub does have its place in "Sonic" history. After all, the 4Kids approved voice cast took over all the same roles in the Sega video games for a few years. For fans of a certain age, Jason Griffin is their Sonic. Naturally, the dub is how a whole generation of U.S. "Sonic" nerds got introduced to the franchise. It's unsurprising that many "Sonic" fans have a fondness for this version of the program. Considering "Sonic X's" third season was primarily made for the U.S. market, some might even go so far as to say that the dub is the primary cut of the show. That certainly seems to be the opinion of the weird people who run the Sonic News Network Wiki, where all "Sonic X" articles frustratingly defer to the English language version first. 

So I knew I had to talk about the dub eventually. I simply had a problem deciding how to do that. As I write this, it's been a whole month since I've finished watching "Sonic X" and writing every other article in this series. Truthfully, I wasn't eager to subject myself to the dub, because I knew I was going to hate it. But there were practical reasons for the delay too. Sitting down and re-watching the entire series in English, after just finishing a marathon of the Japanese version, did not seem like a good use of my time. Especially not for the sake of one article. Watching a short highlight reel on YouTube or something also seemed like cheating. 

What I really should've done is watched each dubbed episode right after watching the original cuts. I could've included a short paragraph comparing each edit in every review. That would've been the easiest, smartest way to handle it, which would provide me with as comprehensive a view of this show as could be expected. Both the sub and the dub are easily found online – the dub is streaming on YouTube, or Tubi if you're nasty, officially and for free – so I really had no excuse. In fact, why didn't I do that? You wouldn't be forced to read these words right now if I had. Sorry, guys, I'm kind of dumb sometimes. 

Having clearly missed my chance to do the right thing, I guess I got stuck in neutral for a while. After deliberating for a whole fucking month, I finally decided on a strategy: I would watch a bunch of dubbed episodes in one day. I went through my reviews and picked out a dozen favorites, across the three seasons. I figured this would give me a fairly balanced view of the dub, exposing myself to the different sounds and moods of 4Kids' "Sonic X," without walking the cumbersome path of re-watching a show I just finished not that long ago. Six hours later, I finally had a reason to write this blog post. If that also seems like cheating, I apologize profusely to you, dear Hedgehogs Can't Swim readers.

The most obvious aspect of the dub to discuss, I suppose, is how the cast compares to their Japanese originals. To be totally frank, I don’t like Jason Griffin’s Sonic. Jun’ichi Kanemaru’s Sonic had just the right level of snottiness, making the hedgehog seem genuinely cool and carefree. Griffin’s Sonic, meanwhile, always sounds too excited for everything. There’s something cutesy about his approach that puts me off. Like he’s a cartoon teddy bear trying to sell me detergent or something. Sanae Kobayashi's Chris was definitely whiny at times but also always sincere, in a way that made him seem like a genuinely neurotic child. After listening to Suzanne Goldish's scratchy, petulant little boy voice for five minutes, I was ready to throw Chris into a jet turbine. No wonder fans hate him so much! 

This difference is true almost entirely across the board. Japanese Tails is cute and soft. U.S. Tails is nasally and annoying. Japanese Amy nicely balances a girly side with a vulnerability or a manic touch. U.S. Amy is too bratty, too often. Japanese Vector is absurdly overconfident. U.S. Vector goes for an exaggeratedly goofiness that grates on the ears. Japanese Cosmo is emotive and fragile but with a serene streak. U.S. Cosmo is just flat, effecting a generic feminine gentleness to every line. Japanese Big is doofy and U.S. Big is somehow even doofier. Japanese Cream is, well, ear-splittingly high-pitch but at least she sounds like a real little girl. U.S. Cream sounds like a grown woman doing a sub-par impersonation of a little girl. Decoe and Bocoe's English V.O.s have a robotic filter over their voices that drain away much of the humor, while Bokkun gains a clownish quality to his already obnoxious shrieking. They aren't the only robot that gets a downgrade, as the dub gives Gamma a pinched, nerdy voice for some fucking reason. 

The more you watch 4Kids “Sonic X,” the more apparent it is that they wanted to wring out as much of the original’s personality as possible. While the Japanese actors who played Chris' family frequently have a dryly humorous quality to their voices, that made the over-the-top wackiness easier to swallow, the U.S. cast go for cuddly warmth almost every single time. (The pidgin English and “ay caramba!” accents the dub cast chose for Tanaka and Ella would get the show canceled these days and I don't mean by the network.) Nobitoshi Canna's Knuckles is gruff but also youthful sounding, emphasizing the echidna's frequently child-like personality. Dan Green's Knuckles has way too deep a voice, sounding like he's significantly older than the rest of the character. This is even worst for Shadow, also voiced by Griffin in the dub. Griffin's attempt at a gravelly tough guy voice is simultaneously overwrought and flat while also being completely impossible to take seriously. 

Not every voice is godawful. In the Japanese audio, Chikao Otsuka gave Eggman a pretty goofy voice, though one you can still easily imagine coming out of a 56 year old mad scientist with a mustache like that. Mike Pollock's Eggman is honestly better. He's realistically gruff but with an expert comedic timing, selling the perfect mixture of egomania and childish posturing that makes Eggman the character we know. TMS gave Sam Speed a baritone voice that was a little distracting while 4Kids Sam Speed has a more natural Tom Cruise pattern to his speech. 

A lot of the dub actors are not necessarily better but they at least aren't terrible. I would not say Kathleen Delaney's Rouge is superior to Rumi Ochiai – she still sounds too old, doing some weird Jessica Rabbit impersonation – but she maintains her sensual quality. Espio's English voices him like the lead in the cheesy dub of a ninja movie, which is fitting, I suppose. I like Pale Bayleaf's Japanese voice a lot better but at least I can still take his English voice seriously. (As opposed to Dark Oak and Black Narcissus, who have ridiculously overcompensating computerized “evil” voice) Topaz' Japanese voice is cuter but the English actress does a passable job. Charmy is equally irritating in both versions and at least Helen doesn't sound too unnatural. 

Of course, the voices were not the only changes 4Kids made during the dub. The incidental music was completely changed. It's not like the background music in “Sonic X” was all the exceptional. However, what 4Kids replaced it with is just about the most generic stuff you can imagine. The music is loud, blaring melodramatically, during moments that were subtle in the sub. It's cloying and too-cute in sequences that were funny or character-driven originally, wacky horn noises taking the place of silence. 

Large swathes of the script were rewritten too, of course. The absurd humor of the Japanese script is flattened out, the dialogue peppered with puns instead. Lame attempts at comedy like that stands right next to histrionic declarations. “Sonic X” was not the most nuanced anime in existence yet, compared to the English dub, it comes off much better. 4Kids did everything they could to overemphasize every emotion in the story, treating it audience like they were the biggest dummies in the world. It took a show that was for twelve-year-olds and made it for three-year-olds.

With that in mind, it makes the motivation behind the overzealous censorship the dub is so notorious for clearer. They did shit like remove every instance of writing, Japanese or otherwise, on-screen. Presumably because the producers seemed to genuinely think its audience wouldn't understand why there were Japanese symbols in this Japanese show. That the visual symbolism of oil leaking from a robot's eyes, like tears, would be too subtle. So the oil must be changed to look like tears. The writing was changed so often that the meaning of entire scenes were often completely altered. Take a look at this scene from the Sonic Battle arc. In the original, the scene is about Chris' character development, how he feels frustrated that everybody still treats him like a kid. In the English dub, the scene is changed to be about the guilt Chris feels over “cheating,” as if the program was trying to instill some cheesy moral on its audience.

Obviously, the most notorious alterations 4Kids made to “Sonic X” are in episode 68, “On a Destroyed Planet.” I've already gone over the kids-glove changes 4Kids made to the ending, of changing Molly's suicidal sacrifice into her merely flying off-screen. But it's actually even more awkward in execution than it sounds. Molly – who sounds like a suburban mom knocking on my door to tell me my grass isn't up to the community standard – speaks about continuing to fight when her Japanese counterpart was weeping in defeat. Her and Shadow share a meaningful glance totally out-of-context. Her cry of agony now becomes a meaningless wail as she flies off. Shadow then goes nuclear on the Metarex armada for no reason at all. Her gravestone is then digitally removed from the final scene, Shadow and Rouge's dialogue now being filled with empty platitudes about worrying and Molly being tough. Lame!

It's just a natural extension of how the dub insisted every ounce of subtly get bled out of this show. Molly has to mention the Black Wind at every chance. Rouge has to be slinging one-liners every minute. The heroes just can't randomly be attacked by giant piranha on a weird planet. It has to tie into the plot somehow. Characters flatly announce their motivations and emotions, as if  Philip J. Fry wrote this or something. It's absolutely maddening. Even that English title, “A Revolutionary Tale,” is a goofy pun that feels at odds with the tone and content of the grimmest episode of the entire series.

I guess that's my main takeaway from the 4Kids version of “Sonic X.” If you saw this as a young kid, you probably liked it. Because it's designed to make the show as kid-friendly – in both form and function – as possible. That means sanding off everything interesting or even slightly edgy off the show. To an adult's eyes, the dub comes off as nothing but incredibly simpering and condescending. I'm glad I didn't attempt to review the Fox Box version, as it would've been like getting my teeth drilled every day. The original “Sonic X” surprised me because of how much fun, how well done, it could be. I thought the show was going to be cringe-y bullshit for stupid babies... Because that's what the dub, my first exposure to it, is. 

If there's any point to this rambling rebuttal, I guess it's simply this: If you're going to watch “Sonic X,” watch the Japanese version. It's readily available online. The dub takes a pretty decent, entertaining show and reduces it to the most bland product possible. I guess 4Kids kept getting away with this because it made everyone involved a lot of money. But we're grown-ass adults now, so we don't have to put up with the watered-down version of our children's cartoons anymore. “Sonic X: The Dub” is lame as fuck. Stick with the subtitles.