TailsTube #3 (feat. Knuckles)

TailsTube #3 (feat. Knuckles)

Original Release Date: September 22nd, 2022

The third installment of "TailsTube" begins with every one's favorite freakishly two tailed little fox buddy declaring "it's been a while." This episode was uploaded three months after the last. Tails' comment here implies that time has passed "in-universe" too. This is a tactile admission from Sega that the "Sonic" universe is always operating independently of our own. That, when we aren't playing the games or reading the comics or whatever, these characters are doing other stuff. Which really begs the question of what Tails and the gang get up to when they aren't fighting Eggman and saving the world and all that. I guess that shows how different franchises have different approaches to their characters' lives. In a lot of shows and comics, we can assume that, when we aren't watching/reading/playing these stories, these characters don't exist, right? Others imply that there's a whole horde of off-screen events happening, that we aren't privy to. This confirms "Sonic" as the latter. Smart, I suppose, considering fans have always been happy to fill in the missing spots. 

Anyway, that's how I welcome you to another review of "TailsTube," where I take literal single lines of dialogue and read entirely too much into them. In this installment, Tails is interviewing Knuckles, a natural progression from the last two broadcasts. However, in comparison to Sonic and Orbot, Knuckles is not interested in playing along. He doesn't want to talk about Sonic and he seems reluctant to answer any questions at all. This means that "TailsTube #3" breaks with the tradition of the heroes answering questions from "fans." This serves a few purposes. First off, it's funny and consistent with Knuckles' characterization. The Guardian of the Master Emerald is a gruff guy who doesn't give of himself easily. He's here to do his job, not suffer fools. Imagining Knuckles answering questions from whatever the "Sonic"-verse equivalent of Twitter is gives me flashbacks to that one time Woody Harrelson did a Reddit AMA. It wouldn't go well and hilarity would ensue. 

As I describe that, I actually wish that's exactly what the episode had done, because it would've been funny. However, that also would run counter to what Sega's intentions for "TailsTube" clearly is. These little videos are basically primers on the series' lore for new comers, acting as introductions to the cast and what each of them is about. Knuckles presents a problem though. More so than the other intentionally vaguely defined characters, Sega has kept Knuckles' back story as mysterious as possible. He can't answer questions like who his parents are, where he came from, why he is the last echidna, how Chaos Energy works, what the origins of Angel Island are, or a hundred other questions. Functionally, answers to these questions don't exist. Whatever thoughts the writers and game designers have on these topics will not be disclosed. That makes the third "TailsTube" essentially a self-defeating exercise. Tails asks Knuckles some general questions and he only provides the simplest, most obvious answers, telling us information we all already know: That he's the Guardian of the Master Emerald, he takes that job very seriously, the island is terribly mysterious, and anything else is none of our damn business. 

With so little to go on, "TailsTube" has no choice but to fill these four minutes with banter. Maybe somebody noticed that the last "TailsTube" was kind of bland. Ian Flynn and Tyson Hesse are credited with this script and you can tell. There's jokes a-plenty, based on Knuckles' inability to handle technology more advanced than a switch and his disinterest in Sonic or Tails scientifically studying the Master Emerald. Rouge is briefly mentioned and Knux's reaction makes it clear that, despite his stated dislike and annoyance with her, he's intrigued by the sexy bat girl. When Sonic butts into the conversation, the echidna becomes self-conscious, in his own gruff and tough way, about his tendency to stick around his island rather than have adventures. Flynn and Hesse have worked on these characters for so long, that they have no problem crafting natural seeming and relaxed dialogue for them. That's the benefit of doing something like a podcast with these guys: We want to hang out with Sonic and friends, casually hearing them chitchat and goof around. It's part of what made "Sonic Boom" good. If "TailsTube" was allowed to be an actual series, it could lean into that vibe some more. 

Unfortunately, "TailsTube" isn't truly a series, now is it? These are four minute long advertisements, meant to remind absent-minded YouTube viewers that this franchise exists and new games about them are still coming out. Number three blatantly operates like that. The episode ends by leading directly into "Sonic Frontiers," Tails asking Sonic if he wants to look at these mysterious new islands they just found. I guess, within the timeline, we can assume the guys recorded this Livestream right before the beginning of the "Frontiers" prequel comic. As I've expressed in the past, I do find it mildly annoying when these YouTube shorts exist as little more than commercials for whatever the new game is. However, this teaser at the end shows a better way to handle it. It makes this little animation feel like a real part of the world and it's on-going story. Ian Flynn is especially good at that kind of world building. I wouldn't be surprised if that final moment wasn't entirely his idea. Years after the fact and totally devoid of context, that moment honestly feels less like an annoying preview of the next product you should consume and more like a gentle reminder that the adventure continues. 

If there's any problem to be had with the third installment of "TailsTube," it is strictly a personal preference of mine. I'm very used to hearing Roger Craig Smith and Colleen O'Shaughnessy's voices come out of Sonic and Tails' mouths. Fans debate endlessly about which voice over actor, and which interpretation, they prefer. In the wake of "Boom," I've grown fond of Smith's sarcastic, fun-seeking Sonic and O'Shaughnessy's unfailingly kind Tails. I'm not sure I've ever liked any of Knuckles' voice actors, at least in the games. Dave B. Mitchell is Knux's English VA these days and, as is usually the case, I find him too self-consciously gruff sounding. His take on Knuckles, and many others in the past, sound like teenage boys that are trying to be tough meat heads. If that was intentional, and Knuckles' personality had him intentionally trying too hard to seem tough, I'd like that. But it's fairly apparent that we are supposed to take the echidna merely at face value and accept his tough guy act as genuine. We get a little of that, when the Guardian gets insecure here, but that's not usually a mode he operates in. 

Nobutoshi Canna has been Knuckles' voice in Japan the entire time and he gets it, making the echidna sound a lot more like the noble but hot-headed ronin type he's clearly meant to be. He's strong and rough, sure, but he's introspective too. Knuckles may not be book smart but he's a very thoughtful monotreme in his own way. Being alone on that island all the time causes a guy to think about shit, ya know? Travis Willingham's child-like dumbass take from "Sonic Boom" and Vincent Tong's distinctly Raphael-ian reading from "Prime" were pretty good. I've slowly grown accustomed to Idris Elba's performance. All of them brought some more depth to the character beyond his surface level strength. But none of these guys – and certainly not Mitchell – match the voice I hear in my head when I read the comics though. Canna the only one that comes close. It's the definition of bitchy nitpicking. If it bothers me that much, I can simply turn the Japanese audio on. However, it does put me off slightly whenever I hear Knuckles talk in something and all I can think is "Knuckles doesn't sound like that." Sorry, I have very deep feelings about what the red punchy guy sounds like. 

What else does this brief excursion give us to think about? Not a whole lot else. There's an icon on Tails' desktop labelled "SeaFox Ver. 2," suggesting his little blue submarine hasn't totally been forgotten by Sega. He also has folders for "Emerald Sightings," "Dance instruction videos," and "Machine Maintenance," all likely topics to see on this fox's computer. What other dark secrets does Tails hide within his personal computer? Coding for disrupting Eggman's entire infrastructure? Blue prints for platform shoes to subtly make him three inches taller without anyone noticing? The location of the secret detention center Infinite and Witchcart are illegally imprisoned in? Indiscrete photographs of Princess Elise? The mind boggles. Anyway, this is a fairly amusing little four minutes that adds almost nothing to the "Sonic" franchise but I did enjoy watching it, I guess. [6/10]

Sonic Drone Home

Sonic Drone Home

Original Release Date: May 24th, 2022

For the Blu-Ray release of the first "Sonic the Hedgehog" movie, Paramount stuck a little short film on there that looks like it was probably animated in a week. "Around the World in 80 Seconds" was cute and inoffensive but, as far as bonus material goes, was no great contribution. This suggests to me the very low expectations the studio had for that first movie, no way of knowing that it would launch a burgeoning franchise. By the time the second "Sonic" movie hit disc, however, it was understood that these films could actually be big hits. The producers were well aware now of how passionate the "Hedgehog" fandom was... And how much money they could make by catering to them. When "Sonic 2" arrived on Blu-Ray, an entirely CGI short in the style of the movies was included. In other words, you were getting some actual extra "Sonic" content if you bought the movie on physical media. Marza Animation Planet, the "Night of the Werehog" studios, would produce and animate the six minute bonus film, further legitimizing the short in the eyes of hedgehog faithfuls. 

"Sonic Drone Home" sees Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles – clearly setting this after the second movie – running a little errand for their earthly foster parents. They have set off to return some books to the library for Maddie. They take a short-cut through a junk yard and come across an unexpected sight: One of Robotnik's egg-shaped Badnik drones has cobbled together a body from the scrap laying around the junk yard. The machine, which can talk for some reason, declares its intention to continue the objective its creator gave it. Try to take over the world! Sonic and the gang can't have that and a battle ensues. However, it turns out this "TrashBot" isn't such a bad guy after all...

Almost every time the topic comes up, I've bemoaned my frustration with the "Sonic" cinematic universe insisting on being a partially live action affair. Every movie and TV show has to include some tedious subplot about Sonic's adoptive human family. Rumors persist that there are actual fans of the Wachowskis and Wade Whipple out there but I refuse to believe it. Nobody is going to see these movies for the antics of a mad black woman being robbed of her dream wedding. James Marsden stans must exist, I guess, but are their numbers great enough to sway the box office in any meaningful way? The "Sonic the Hedgehog" movies should have been entirely animated and I will go to my grave believing this. I know why Paramount and the ten thousand associated production companies went this route. For whatever reason, a lot of adults outright refuse to go see cartoons in theaters, which is why those live action Disney remakes always make a billion dollars despite nobody actually liking them. But I know I'm right. It is a moral conviction deep within my soul. 

"Sonic Drone Home" is set within the continuity of the live action movies but is entirely animated. The environments are realistic, the physics resemble the real world, but it was all done in a computer. Meaning the short film gives us an idea of what an entirely animated version of these movies might look like. And, uh, it looks like a gunmetal video game. I would hope that a wholly animated "Sonic" flick would go nuts with the colors or some "Spider-Verse" style abstractions. "Sonic Drone Home" is meant to connect to the movies though, so everything looks like the real world. Honestly, really young viewers might not even pick up on everything being CGI, assuming the environments or props are real, like in the movies. Either way, "Drone Home" does give us some idea of what, say, a fully digital streaming or TV spin-off to the "Sonic"-CU could possibly look like. 

And it looks good! It doesn't look as good as the movies, as you'd expect from a DVD bonus feature produced for much less money than a feature film. The environments are convincing. Sometimes, when focusing on their teethy faces, Sonic or Knuckles look a little weird. However, the action scenes are very fast paced. A shot where Sonic speeds through a tunnel of junk, while lasers blast around him, is definitely the coolest moment in these six minutes. The adversarial robot isn't the most creative design. The way it blends a crane with a small car is probably what you'd see in your mind when someone writes the words "junk yard robot." I do like the red visor on the Egg Drone become an eye though. As the short reaches its conclusion, we get more shots of Sonic spin-dashing through the air which don't look that sharp. Mostly though, it's fine. Marza knows what they are doing. 

As the "Sonic the Hedgehog" movies have evolved, the focus on action has definitely increased. The latest installment goes full shonen fighting anime at the end. However, I think humor is still seen as the primary objective of this franchise. If these movies came out during the days of video stores – and they weren't places in the "Family" or Kids section for some reason – I imagine they'd probably be placed in "Comedy" before "Action." This approach is evident in "Sonic Drone Home." The short does not end with an epic battle between good and mildly annoying evil. Instead, a bolo'd Sonic implores TrashBot to define himself outside of the programming Robotnik has given him. Turns out, this cobbled together contraption considers itself a poet. That evolves in a subverted direction – his poetry is bad and he still sees it as a means to world dominance – but it definitely feels more "Looney Tunes" than "Dragon Ball." 

As in the motion pictures, another main source of humor here is Ben Schwartz's version of Sonic being a pop culture obsessed snarker and bantering with Tails and Knuckles. Early in the short, the blue hedgehog breaks the fourth wall and narrates directly to the audience. Tails' notices this and asks what's up, Sonic explaining that's what people in movies do. Which suggest a certain degree of self-awareness about, ya know, being a fictional character, proudly continuing a trend started by "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" and continued by "Sonic Boom." The gag truly pays off when Knuckles decides to speak his own inner monologue, which run counter to everything Sonic wants him to do. (Also, Tails' line about "just being happy to be included" made me chuckle. That's such a Tails thing to say!) I also like the gag of Knuckles considering Maddie's library books "sacred tomes" that must be protected. Haha, his strict warrior code of honor is so out of step with the modern world! What a delight! 

However, the second Knuckles opens his mouth, you probably notice something about "Sonic Drone Home." The echidna sure doesn't sound right. The money people were willing to cut Idris Elba a big enough check to get him to add his voice to "The Wade Whipple Show." However, a six minute bonus feature was deemed too unimportant to give a big movie star like Elba enough money to warrant him standing in a recording booth for a few minutes. Honestly, that is not especially surprising. If a "Sonic's Green Hills Hijinks" or whatever started airing on Nickelodeon tomorrow, I wouldn't expect Elba to voice Knuckles there either. The part is passed on to prolific voice actor Fred Tatasciore. Tatasciore has played many growling monsters and big beefy dudes, probably best known as the go-to voice for the Hulk in a lot of Marvel cartoons for years now. Which makes him a logical enough choice to play Knuckles, especially the honor-obsessed cinematic version. 

However, Tatasciore doesn't truly attempt to imitate Elba's particular accent. The result is distracting, something more akin to a generic tough guy voice coming out of Knuckles' mouth. While Elba not participating in "Sonic Drone Home" makes sense, Colleen O'Shaughnessy was also passed over for the part of Tails. O'Shaughnessy is no Hollywood A-lister, a humble voice actor herself, making her absence much harder to explain. Was she busy with something else? Did the money people try to low-ball her? Is she even aware of this short? Whatever the reason, Alicyn Packard voices Tails instead. Packard does a passable impersonation of O'Shaughnessy, taking me a minute to realize it wasn't her. Ben Schwartz, however, definitely is voicing Sonic here, clearly willing to participate in whatever bit of ancillary marketing Paramount needs him to do. Movie Sonic sounding like Movie Sonic always has makes Movie Knuckles and Movie Tails noticeably sounding different all the more off-putting. I would like to think I'd be above such minor aesthetic changes as these but it truly did hamper my enjoyment of "Drone Home."

Maybe two of the four principal characters sounding wrong is more noticeable because, otherwise, "Sonic Drone Home" is right in line with the tone and delivery of the movies. The script is from the same duo that has written all the films, Patrick Casey and Josh "Worm" Miller. Yes, the esteemed writers of "National Lampoon Presents Dorm Daze," "Hey, Stop Stabbing Me!," "Gamebox 1.0," "Transylmania," "Golan the Insatiable," and – their most important prior credit – the Monstergeddon series on SomethingAwful.com have truly redefined themselves as the "Sonic" guys. This is probably why Sonic is making pop culture references and the robot wants to write crappy poetry, a predecessor to ChatGPT's feeble attempts to replicate human creativity. The short is, thus far, the sole directorial credit of David Nelson. Most of his credits are as a visual effects supervisor – aside from the "Sonic" movies, he's worked on "Aquaman," "Fury Road," "Jumanji," and the "Happy Feet" duo – which does further the feeling that this short was a quickly assembled effort. He makes sure the film mostly looks fine though. 

At the end of the six minutes it took me to watch "Sonic Drone Home," what was my main take away? I kind of like TrashBot. The squares over at the Sonic Wiki insist the character is called "Unit." IMDb refers to it as just "Drone." Knuckles calls him as "TrashBot" at the end, so that's what I'm going with. Aaron Landon – mostly known for video game and audiobook credits – gives the machine a fitting nerdy voice. That the robot is pulled between wanting to conquer the world and chase the creative spirit in his mechanical heart is a good gag. At the end, Tails asks if he can adopt the robot, suggesting the character could appear again. Maybe he could be Movie Tails' equivalent to TailsPup or something. Not that I expect anyone but the most hardcore fans to remember this short exists but it's a cute idea. 

Granted, I don't know why Robotnik would program this one drone to have freedom of choice and individuality. The rest of his Egg Drones and Badniks clearly do not have that. But we might be reaching the point where I'm thinking too hard about this. As far as a six minute bonus feature goes, "Sonic Drone Home" is perfectly serviceable and amusing enough for the little amount of time you're asked to invest in it. That I actually kind of want to see TrashBot come back suggests the writers punched above their weight class a bit. Next time Paramount does one of these, they should really make sure Knuckles and Tails sound right though... [7/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 77

Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Issue 77

Original Publication Date: March 19th, 2025

 

Issue 76 of IDW's "Sonic the Hedgehog" comic was devoted to sorting the large cast of characters off into new formations and sending them off on some stand-alone adventures. After the exhaustingly drawn-out "Clean Sweepstakes" arc took up most of 2024, I was really looking forward to some episodic adventures around Sonic's world. Part of me wondered if Ian Flynn wasn't recycling some of the general structural ideas he intended to use, all those years ago, in the aftermath of Archie's Shattered World Crisis storyline. The "Scattered Pieces" arc seems to have a similar objective to that unrealized story: A way to touch base on all the characters after some massive world-changing events and to cut loose and have a little fun. That's what I was hoping for from this one anyway, so let's see if I was horribly disappointed. 

Part two of "Scattered Pieces" follows Sonic as he goes off with the Chaotix. Determined to find Clutch and make him pay for his actions during the Clean Sweepstakes, the quartet decides to race over to White Park Chateau, the ski resort the crime-boss-turned-businessman-turned-crime-boss used to call home during his semi-legitimate days. The good guys find the building in surprisingly good condition, despite it being seemingly abandoned. Not so. Rough and Tumble now declare themselves the operator of the resort, using its robotic employees as their physical enforcers. After the required amount fighting and bantering, Sonic demands to know what the hell is going on. It turns out Clutch has signed over his operations to Rough and Tumble, considering himself a thoroughly defeated old man at this point. Sonic and the Chaotix listen to his sob story and try to decide if the notoriously untrustworthy possum can be believed this time. 

Issue 77 of "Sonic" has a good cover. Adam Bryce Thompson drew a very cool image of Sonic and the Chaotix being detectives. Sonic is swinging a flashlight around a dark and dusty room, as he investigates alongside Vector and Espio. Lurking behind them is an ominous, rather skull-like Caterkiller with two shadowy figures atop it. Only Charmy seems to notice the intruder and he's properly shaking in his cute little sneakers. Judging from the silhouettes of the figures perched on the machine, it's not too hard to guess who they'll turn out to be. Either way, it's an evocative cover that promises some lightly spooky, Scooby-Doo-ian atmosphere in this issue. The issue somewhat fulfils that promise. The cool undead Caterkiller is nowhere to be seen but, in its first few pages, "Scattered Pieces: Part Two" does feature Charmy getting spooked by shadowy images in the window of the resort and Sonic rushing around, wondering what is going on with the strangely empty place now. If this had been an issue if Sonic and friends snooping as usual around a "Cold Prey"-style creepy ski lodge, I would have dug that. 

Unfortunately, the issue tosses away that idea very quickly. Not long after stepping inside, the typically ridiculous Rough and Tumble make themselves known in typically ridiculous fashion. After that, things start to get goofy very quickly. The action scene that follows is mostly played for laughs. Charmy is distracted by a board game. Espio and Sonic discuss the merits of mid-melee banter. Vector chews up a wooden queue pole and spits it back out like bullets. All the while, Rough and Tumble insists that the attacking heroes don't ruin their fancy new clothes. Do you find any of that amusing? Playing out in animation, maybe such a sequence might have come off as nicely manic and silly. In the page, it feels a bit stiff. Only a panel where Sonic is nearly decapitated by a tossed roulette wheel managed to make this old grump crack a brief smirk. 

Most of my disappointment with this issue is, I'll admit, totally based on it not following the altogether ooky vibes of the cover and the first few pages. Ya know, I get promised some old dark house antics and the issue takes a hard turn into wacky slapstick instead, it's really going to sour my grapes. If I try to put that very Zack-specific grievance aside, I think I'd still be disappointed with this issue. Over the five years IDW has been publishing "Sonic" books, Rough and Tumble have been around since almost the beginning. In that time, I've never had many strong feelings one way or another about the buffoonish skunk enforcers. They show up whenever the book needs some dumb muscle, filling a similar role to Bark and Bean in the Archie books. They are fundamentally static characters, always destined to remain idiots that are more butts of the joke than actual threats. 

It seems like they've been showing up a lot lately though, doesn't it? The end of the "Clean Sweepstakes" story arc suggested the skunks might try and go straight. That they might actually grow and change a little as characters. Issue 77 backtracks on that immediately. Rough and Tumble return to being rhyming, dim-witted and easily defeated baddies. They exist more for comic relief than to actually move the story forward here. Frankly, I'm kind of bored of them now. Mostly because these two have exactly one joke, which is that they are dumb-dumbs who are always extremely dumb. Maybe it's time for Sonic and friends to have some new brainless mercenaries to smack around. Or, at least, it's time for Rough and Tumble to perhaps get a second joke...

Clearly Ian Flynn does not agree with that assessment, in the sense the book needs some fresh antagonists. After Clutch was the main antagonist for most of the comic last year, he's back in this issue. Not that the possum crime boss does much antagonizing in this issue. What he does instead can be more accurately described as whining. He sits down, feels sorry for himself, swills some non-alcoholic purple drank, and assures Sonic and the Chaotix that he is no threat to them now. That what little remains of his empire is entirely automated at this point and that he has been beaten back down to zero. The suggestion that Clutch is now working for Rough and Tumble is meant to show how utterly pathetic he's current situation is. Weirdly, Sonic and the Chaotix take the bad guy at his word, accepting a deed of employment to the skunks as the sole piece of evidence that what he says is true. They accept that Eggman let the guy slip away and that the ever-scheming Clutch has no villainous plans in mind at all anymore.

It is, simply put, not very exciting to read. The previous issue was characterized by a long sequence in which the Diamond Cutters got in a circle and talked out all their interpersonal strife. It felt weirdly like sitting in on a group therapy session, everybody hugging out their problems without the story being allowed to move forward much. This issue feels a little bit like Flynn is doing the same thing with Clutch. Except, it should be obvious, that the villain is lying. Or, at least, telling a very selective version of the truth. I've noted before that the way the Restoration is always willing to forgive and forget the bad guys they go up against felt weird and unnatural. I know the villains must run away and live to fight another day because this is a comic book and you've got to keep the bad guys around for future use. However, I wish Flynn could find a way to make it feel more organic than this. Clutch says he's not up to anything and tells the Chaotix to walk into this warehouse if his if they don't believe him. It would seem they intend to do exactly that. I don't know, man. I feel like there had to be a more interesting way to get us to that point. 

It's going somewhere because obviously it is going somewhere. The comic wouldn't have Clutch appear again only for him to say he's a big loser now who poses no threat to anyone. The final pages reveal that Eggman has got a new mind-controlling gizmo and Clutch is his first test subject. How this device works and how totally it controls people remains to be seen. How this development will be different from a Roboticizer or a Metal Virus, I guess we have to wait and see. I've said before that, throughout IDW's run, there have been a few times when the comic felt a little directionless. As if Flynn was out of ideas. I feel like we are back in another one of lulls right now. Rather than take a breather with a relaxed set of stand-alone stories, we are merely waiting around for stuff to start happening again. 

You know, I really want to see what Silver and Blaze are up to. How Belle is exploring the world. Hell, Lanolin and Jewel trying some urban planning would be an improvement over this nothing of an issue. Any of those scenarios would flesh out the world, show us how this universe works a little more clearly, rather than merely point out that the people we know are out there already are still out there and they up to stuff. Adam Bryce Thompson's pencils are excellent, like always. Leonardo Ito De Oliveira's colors also do a good job of establishing the mood of the ski lodge early on. There's simply not very much else going on here though, in afraid to report. Maybe next month will be better. [5/10]

DC X Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 1

DC X Sonic the Hedgehog: Issue 1

Original Publication Date: March 19th, 2025

Childhood play sessions have no respect for the boundaries of international copyright laws. There's nothing stopping little Billy from slamming Optimus Prime against Cy-Kill. When toy boxes are emptied out onto bedroom floors, Cobra Commander and Skeletor can get drinks together at the Mos Eisley Cantina. Leonardo can hang out in Barbie's dream house while Prime, Goku, and Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake compare bulging pectorals on the second floor. Most kids don't understand the complicated contractual agreements and red tape that keep such wild meetings from happening in real life. Those that do still have little interest in abiding by them. I was this way as a kid too, The Power Rangers and the Street Sharks teaming up to keep Godzilla from eating my Lego city is the kind of shit I got up to in the early nineties. When children see a bunch of wacky, unrelated, colorful characters, it's only second nature that we want to see them interact. Especially if the combination is so bizarre as to be extremely unlikely to occur in real life.  

That's what kids used to do anyway. I don't know if they do that today. They're probably too busy learning how to make a blood sacrifice to Mr. Beast from the TikToks or whatever now. While the habits of actual children are beyond me now, the millennials are the generation that has refused to put away childish things. Adult collectors are aggressively marketed to by toy corporations today, sometimes to the exclusion of actual children it seems. Moreover, late stage capitalism has made all of our wildest childhood crossover ideas more possible than ever. Every publisher and company getting scooped up to become a part of one massive corporation means lots of different intellectual properties are houses under the same umbrella. Similarly, it seems to have become common knowledge that crossovers benefit everyone, drawing more eyes to different series and making more money for everyone. Or, at least, the people who sign the checks. Certainly not, say, the original writers or whatever. 

In other words, massive brands are now more than happy to make the playtime daydreams of middle-age man-children actually come true. Video games really pioneered this approach, with "Super Smash Bros" and "Marvel Vs. Capcom" making many a gamer realize that the roadblocks to unexpected crossovers might not be as Byzantine as they thought. Now, guest characters and crossover promotions are standard practice for most triple-AAA titles. The Terminator is in both "Call of Duty" and "Fortnite" now, after previously showing up in "Mortal Kombat." He can dab next to John Wick and Chun-Li, if you want. There are "Final Fantasy" characters on "Magic: The Gathering" cards. Pokemon are everywhere. Obviously, it goes without saying, that superheroes have been at the forefront of this growing IP-ifacation of all media. I think the case can be made that Disney buying Marvel is probably what flew open the floodgates for all of our culture becoming like this now. 

Comic books, of course, pioneered weirdo collaborations like this. There used to be a goofy charm to them. If Alien Versus-ed Predator or Charles Xavier and Jean-Luc Picard got to compare domes, it happened because somebody thought it was a fun idea. Only a maniac would pitch "Ape Nation" or "Jason Vs. Leatherface." Now, a lot of these crossovers seem algorithmically generated. Every day, I hear about how Godzilla is going to stomp the Fantastic Four or the Justice League or the Power Rangers. We are so used to these things that Red Sonja fighting the "Mars Attack!" aliens or the Ninja Turtles meeting Naruto no longer generates any awe. It's commonplace. This is all the more frustrating for me because, as a kid, I loved this shit. I can recall getting excited to watch Scooby-Doo meet the Addams Family simply because different universes bumping into each other really amused. 

"Sonic the Hedgehog" is a nostalgia property now, meaning it too has been subjected to this brave new world of weirdo crossbreeds. My beloved blue hedgehog has become a Lego, a Transformer, a Smash Bro, a Roblox, and a, uh, Fall Guy, I guess. On the comic book side of things, however, we haven't seen unexpected cross-brand synergy since the Archie days... That changes now. Where once before "Sonic" comic readers had to be satisfied with appearances alongside Sabrina the Teenage Witch or the Maxx, the hedgehog is now a recognizable enough of a comic mainstay to grace the pages with the big boys. As in Superman and Batman, the names literally synonymous with the medium and two of the most popular fictional characters in the world. Now that was a crossover suitably unhinged enough to awaken me from my complacency. I don't know if this means Sonic, as a character, is comparable in popularity to Superman now or if DC Comics is simply desperate enough to move some product that they'll agree to any sort of stupid bullshit. Either way, the kiddie video game comics I love being acknowledged by the capeshit market leaders is one I never expected. The crossover is simply entitled "DC X Sonic," putting Sega's crew on equal footing with the entire DC Universe. I don't think this means the Chaotix will be cracking cases with Detective Chimp or that Brother Power the Geek will join the Restoration but they all exist in the sprawling multiverse now. What a time to be alive. 

Now, how exactly does one go about getting Sonic and friends in the DC Universe and vice versa? Ian Flynn doesn't waste any time in Part One of "Chaos Crisis." Sonic, Amy, and Tails are chilling at Never Lake when a vessel that looks a little like Jack Palance's face busts through an interdimensonal wedgie hole. A horde of winged assholes named Parademons fly from the ship and go on the attack. Yes, Darkseid – the New God of Tyranny and high villainous poo-ba of the DCU – has set his sights on the Chaos Emeralds. After destroying the Master Emerald and Angel Island, they move on to Sunset City. Sonic and friends are not alone in fighting back these strange new invaders. The Justice League – Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Cyborg, and Green Lantern Corp member Jon Stewart – appear to assist the furry little heroes. During an ebb in the invasion, the different heroes pair off to cover more ground. Sonic and the Flash race over to the hedgehog's most familiar stomping grounds to see that Darkseid has already gotten his mitts on one Chaos Emeralds. 

As I said above, back in my youth, I enjoyed a good crossover every now and then. Mostly in the form of fanfiction, which used to be the only way for stories like this to exist. While you couldn't say that all of them began with a tear of the fabric of reality opening in the sky and some jerks from a different universe dropping, some of them definitely did. We want to see these two otherwise unrelated groups interacting as quickly as possible, so why waste time with a whole lot of set-up? Similarly, Flynn went with the most obvious route when finding a story for this crossover. Darkseid, always in search of new worlds to conquer in his quest for the Anti-Life Equation, has now staked out Sonic's World. The Chaos Emeralds, the go-to plot device, are what he seeks. The Justice League follows through the exact same portal as the bad guys, since Cyborg's origin story is tied up with the New Gods mythology these days. As far as cosmic crossovers go, this is the path of least resistance. 

The funny thing is... It's very easy to imagine a Sonic/Justice League crossover set in the hedgehog's world beginning with the heroes, sitting around having a picnic. It's a lot harder to imagine the same story beginning this way on the DC side of things. That is a big reason why this particular crossover is unexpected. Sonic has tangoed with world-shattering threats over the years, sure. While Superman and Batman have been sold to babies for far longer. Yet Sonic's archenemy is a somewhat whimsical egg-shaped mad scientist. Batman's archenemy is a psychopathic clown that a beat a child to death with a crowbar once. The Flash, famously, went to trial for murdering his nemesis. One could make the comparison between Robotnik using the Roboticizer to strip away people's free will and Darkseid looking to subjugate all life in the universe to him via Anti-Life but it seems to be of a magnitude greater. Ya know, Elongated Man's wife got raped on the JLA Watchtower by Doctor Light once. When Cyborg was on the Teen Titans, the guy they fought the most was an actual pedophile. It's a little weird to think that Sonic the Hedgehog is that close to having an adventure in the same world as that shit. 

Okay, yes, it's not that any of these events happened to these versions of the Justice League, about whom we know very little. Like I said, iterations of the DC Comics universe that have all their harsh edges completely sanded away have been running alongside the comics for decades. Right now, there's a cartoon for toddlers where the various vehicles in Batman's garage have personalities and learn lessons about friendship together. Generally though, it is fair to say that Sonic and the Justice League are grappling with different levels of threats. Yes, Eggman is a tyrant who has surely caused plenty of death and destruction over the years. He's probably technically as bad as Lex Luthor or the Joker. However, "Sonic" media has usually – usually, mind you – refused to show people actually dying. Maybe Darkseid, intergalactic space Hitler with his dominatrix shock troops, are a little above Sonic the Hedgehog's pay grade. That brings up another good point: War, specific real world wars, exist in the DCU. Poverty, class inequality, corrupt politics, sex slavery, sex in general, pornography, racism, genocide, and sketchy businessmen all canonically exist in the DC Universe. It is difficult to imagine Sonic the Hedgehog tussling with crisis on infinite Earths that contain that kind of misery and suffering. 

I suppose I am, in typical fashion, overthinking it. Ian Flynn was no doubt aware of how grim and gritty mainstream superhero comics can get. Especially in comparison to the light and colorful world of Sonic and his pals. Rather than try and bring either universe up and down to these mutual levels, he instead smartly focuses on what these universes have in common. Sonic and the Flash are both super-fast smart-asses. Of course, in the middle of their adventures, they stop to debate who is faster. Knuckles and Superman are both lone survivors of their kind – except for when they aren't, of course – with a special relationship to green, glowing rocks. Tails and Cyborg are both young techno-geniuses. We get scenes of the different teams bonding over their similarities and they are reasonably amusing. Such as Amy fan-girling over Wonder Woman being able to fly or Silver and Green Lantern comparing power sets. In one sequence, Flynn zeroing in on how these two sets of heroes are cut from the same archetypes becomes surprisingly moving. Shadow isn't a team player and skips away to brood early on. Ever perceptive Batman immediately recognizes in the so-called Ultimate Lifeform a kindred spirit. Namely, someone else who has watched the person they love most in life die right in front of them, be helpless to save them, and promised to make sure nobody else ever feels that pain. It's a brief moment and exists largely so that Shadow can believably be written interacting as a team player. Yet it's a moment that zooms in on some essential truths about these characters, why they are iconic, and why they endure. 

Most of the rest of "Chaos Crisis, Part One" is too preoccupied with setting up its premise to leave moments like that. Like I said, crossovers like these are often about mashing your different action figures together. The fun factor is inherent in seeing these two unrelated cast interact. Shadow riding his chopper alongside the Batcycle is cool. Sonic and the Flash racing is fun. Superman being his wholesome heroic self around Knuckles is cute. There are expected moments designed to make the reader bubble up with nerdy glee. Such as Cyborg saying "Boo-yah!" Or the Flash mistaking Sonic for Krakkl, the pre-existing homage to Sonic within the DCU. (No word on if this Flash is Barry or Wally yet, though.) On that level, I do think issue one of "DC X Sonic" is successful. The novelty of seeing these two entities bounce off each other is certainly enough to make this an entertaining, easy read. I'm glad I read this comic book and that it exists in the first place. 

Mostly, I think this crossover was created to make power scalers scream in abject horror. The varying fastness of Sonic and the Flash depends greatly on what the writer wants them to be able to do at any given point. I think applying hard rules or limits to cartoon superheroes is very silly. On the other hand, the Flash is obviously waaay faster than Sonic is traditionally depicted as being. Superman is, without a doubt, much stronger than Knuckles. And yet, in this comic, we see the Blue Blur and the Scarlet Speedster keeping afoot of each other. We see Knuckles floor Kalibak, Darkseid's eldest son and one of Superman's more physically imposing antagonists, with a single punch. It's not uncommon for power levels to get greatly increased or softened in order to make crossovers such as these possible. Considering how much of the internet is now consumed by people arguing over which cartoon character is faster or stronger, these moments feel like Flynn intentionally fucking with us. 

If this crossover was going to work at all, the folks at IDW and DC needed to do something very important: Find a "Sonic" artist who can draw decent looking superheroes or find a superhero artist who doesn't totally suck at drawing "Sonic" characters. There's no doubt that artists more akin to one style over the other other have struggled when ask to make the leap. Luckily, Adam Bryce Thompson was available and he's pretty damn good at both. Obviously, he's very good at drawing Sonic and friends. Since this first issue is mostly action scenes, we get a lot of flashy, dynamic panels of them zipping around and displaying their powers. The Justice League look good too, if not as good. I like that Thompson gives them nice heroic builds that aren't unbelievable, preposterously swole or stacked. You can tell that this isn't the kind of thing that ABT usually draws. Batman or the Flash maybe look a little weird in one or two panels. Mostly, it looks pretty damn good. No complaints. 

Also, Flynn has what seems to be Darkseid's version of the Death Egg called the Ragna Rock, which definitely feels like the kind of wordplay Jack Kirby would have come up with. Like I said, I was cynical about "DC X Sonic" when it was first announced. Few crossovers such as this live up to the hype for me. DC Comics is another hyper-nerdy interest of mine that I have way too much investment in, if perhaps not to the degree I do with "Sonic." It would have been easy to fuck it up. Flynn approaches both universes with respect and seems to have a good grip on them. He also doesn't avoid the very safe middle ground you'd expect for such a crossover. This is nearly a very bland comic book that subsist mostly on the novelty of its premise. I guess we'll see how this plays out over the next few issues, if it can ever rise above that level. Mostly, I liked it... Except for there being no Aquaman. Come on, Ian, how are you going to do a DC/Sonic crossover and not include the Arthur Curry, the King of Atlantis? If there's not a scene of Sonic sinking into some water and nearly drowning just to be plucked out of the deep by Aquaman, I will instantly declare this entire enterprise a failure. [7/10]

TailsTube #2 (feat. ???)

TailsTube #2 (feat. ???)

Original Release Date: June 9th, 2022 

Straddling the line between a corporate podcast, a cartoon, and an elaborate commercial, "TailsTube" is a series/program/entity with no set release date. Much like this blog, updates arrive whenever. Sega and Sonic team's marketing arm define "whenever" usually as when there's some new bit of "Sonic" media to promote. The second episode of "TailsTube" came out the same month as "Sonic Origins," the largely poorly received and immediately forgotten port of some classic "Sonic" titles to the Switch, which I imagine was the impetus behind posting this four minute animation when they did. The compilation is never mentioned in the episode but it did draw eyeballs to the "Sonic" YouTube channel as the advertising campaign for "Origins" was revving up. 

In so much as "TailsTube" can be said to have a plot, episode two is definitely a little more narratively driven than the first one. Tails' guest this time is Orbot, who proceeds to answers some questions about Dr. Eggman and his various evil schemes over the years. The lackey's unenthusiastic answers seem to bother Eggman so much that he then hacks Tails' live-stream, taking it over for a few minutes before the fox wrestles back control. Oooh, conflict! This might have been a fun surprise if, in true YouTuber fashion, the thumbnail for this episode didn't slap Eggman's face right into the center. 

The first installment of "TailsTube" actually did clear up some long standing questions about Sonic's world, suggesting this was going to be a series about clarify the franchise's lore and beefing up some worldbuilding. I suppose the second episode technically does that but the queries answered here are more on the beginner's level. Eggman's real name is confirmed to be Dr. Ivo Robotnik, with "Eggman" being a bullying insult Sonic started calling him years back, the doctor quickly coming around to embrace the insult. This is Sonic Lore 101 for anybody who has been following the series since at least the Dreamcast years. "Sonic Adventure 2" long ago established Robotnik as the family name and "Eggman" simply as a nom de plume. Obviously, fans who are younger or not as pedantic as me probably didn't know this, so I suppose that is a nugget of info worth clarifying for what I presume is "TailsTube's" target audience of TikToking Gen Alphas. 

This explanation has never satisfied me very much, truth be told. If "Eggman" was Sonic body-shaming his adversary, how come he's had an egg motif to many of his gizmos from the very beginning? Orbot's explanation says the doctor has "owned" the term, much the same way marginalized communities have attempted to reclaim slurs directed at them by bigots over the years... Once you start to think about it in those terms, you see how shaky an explanation this is. Robotnik calls his entire operation the "Eggman Empire." That would be a bit like the NAACP renaming themselves after Rick Perry's ranch. Obviously, SonicTeam probably wouldn't frame it that way. However, our hero looking at the bad guy, thinking "Lol this dude is so fat as to be perfectly ovoid, much in the manner of an egg," and the villain responding "You can't hurt my feelings by mocking my shape, as I'm proud of it. Now watch as I refer to myself by that humiliating insult for the rest of time" feels extremely weird on every level. I guess it is a bit of a throwback to Sonic's Rude Dude with Nineties 'Tude conception... 

To old guys like me, the true story behind this bizarre bit of backstory is common knowledge. Eggman has always been Eggman, as far as Sega of Japan is concerned, his name, body shape, and frequently visual motifs to his machines all tying together. Such a whimsical, Lennon/McCartney-esque moniker doesn't exactly strike fear into the hearts of English speakers. This is presumably why Sega of America emphasized the robotics gimmick, combining that with some still lingering Cold War-era distrust of Slavic sounding names. This Eggman/Robotnik divide led to intense fan debates for years. Many "Sonic" purists insisted "Eggman" was the most correct name for the character, "Robotnik" being a crude American bowdlerization of Sega's untouchable pure artistic vision. Other fans, meanwhile, decided that "Robotnik" is what they had always called this guy and that it sounded a lot cooler than "Egg-Man." (My stance, by the way.) It sounds ridiculous but this was, indeed, something people argued about at one point. When the Dreamcast era officially brought the Eggman name to the West, the nickname explanation was cooked up presumably as a way to ease long-time fans into the new order. 

Truthfully, the Eggman/Robotnik divide has always been evident even in English-language material. "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" established eggs as the bas guy's favorite food and often inflicted egg-related visual puns on him. The official English Story Bible includes a rotten egg in Robotnik's origin story, which the U.K. based media ran with. If "Robotnik" was an inversion of "Kintobor," as that version of events goes, then the Soviet sounding first name of "Ivo" is an inversion of "Ovi." In other words, the egg connection was always acknowledged. Sega must have decided "Robotnik" actually did sound pretty cool after all, once they started using it for Gerald and Maria in "Sonic Adventure 2." This didn't stop "Eggman" from becoming the default name in almost everything but nobody seems to get steamed about the guy being called Robotnik either. The live action movies have brought that name back in a big way and I haven't seen a single person pissing and moaning about it. Now people seem to use the names interchangeably. I'm used to calling the guy "Eggman" at this point, while also still liking "Robotnik" and not really caring either way. But I maintain that the "insult that he adopted" explanation is still sloppy. Why can't the man simply like eggs so much he decides to call himself that? Is that any goofier than a billionaire vigilante calling himself "Batman?" 

Anyway... What was I talking about? Oh yeah, episode 2 of "TailsTube!" While the Eggman/Robotnik renaming might be a bit of background info some fans aren't aware, most of what else Orbot reveals in his interview to Tails is hardly obscure knowledge. He clarifies that the doctor uses animals as living batteries in his robot minions, named Badniks. (Probably another relic of Cold War tension, as in Sputnik. Or maybe it's just a half-formed pun on "Beatnik," I've never known for sure.) Or that his schemes vary but wanting to build a theme park in his image remains a perpetual obsession of Eggman's. Come on, guys, this shit is mentioned right in the games and cartoons. Did we really need to clarify that? When Tails drops that Eggman has an I.Q. of 300, this script feels like it's quoting directly from an old Strategy Guide or something. Once Eggman takes over the Livestream, he simply clarifies who Shadow is, another bit of obvious information. Though it did tickle my funny bone when he called Sonic's brooding rival the "so-called Ultimate Lifeform." Hey, that's my running gag! 

No writers are credited on this episode, so I don't know if it's the work of usual "TailsTube" scribes Ian Flynn and Tyson Hesse. I'm kind of guessing not, as there's little in the way of the amusing banter that enlivened the first installment. There aren't too many deep cut in-jokes either, though the infamous Sonic the Hedgehog popsicle puts in a brief appearance on Tails' desktop. Orbot's voice actor sounds pretty bored by the whole thing, further cementing this one's status as a perfunctory bit of corporate advertising. You could have worked a little harder on this one, guys! There's certainly nothing here as exciting as the reveal of the Pink Haired Spectre that haunts the fan base to this day...

Instead, I'm forced to cling onto implications, as I often do anyway. Tails calling up and interviewing Eggman's personal assistant strikes me as... Maybe "treasonous" isn't the right word but definitely a weird thing to do with the enemy force you're engaged in war with. Eggman's segment talks about the events of "Sonic Forces," so this is after he's subjugated the globe to his dictatorship already. How many people died when Eggman burned down the city in "Forces?" And now one of the leaders of the opposition is chatting with his sidekick? If this was "Sonic Boom," where the good guys and Eggman have a much more casual relationship, I could totally picture such a laid back relationship existing between Tails and Orbot. It feels a little weird to see in a series that is ostensibly canon to the games. Likewise, Eggman hacking Tails' stream so easily suggests a fairly serious security risk, wouldn't you think so? Am I taking this too seriously? Yes, absolutely. Still, ya know, it raises some questions. 

Not that this is the only stupid question this episode raises. Eggman makes a reference to VPNs during his brief interlude. Okay, so virtual private network services exist on Sonic's world? Is geo-blocking and data profiling a big problem the Restoration and Eggman Empire have to deal with? Who is running these internet companies and why are they so shady that people feel the need to protect their data from them? Maybe Clutch owns the internet providers too. It's entirely possible nobody else has thought about this as hard as me but that's what I'm here for. Anyway, stupid questions such as these are what a featherweight program such as "TailsTube" prompt in me. The quality of this episode continues to make me think that I probably didn't need to review this but, well, too late to turn back now. You've got at least eight more bullshit articles such as these from me to look forward to! What minor grievance will I nitpick next? Stick around to find out, I guess. [5/10]

TailsTube #1 (Feat. Sonic!)

TailsTube #1 (Feat. Sonic!)

Original Release Date: March 24th, 2022

The time has finally come for me to reckon with the concept of VTubers. I'll admit, the idea of people becoming extremely famous and successful simply from broadcasting footage of themselves playing video games and talking to fans is an idea that baffles me. "Streamer" or "YouTuber" is, without a doubt, a legitimate career path in this day and age. People will send you money simply because they enjoy watching you play "Fortnite" or whatever for hours on end! Weird! The idea of YouTubers as a common place piece of entertainment is so common that the internet, more recently, had to invent the idea of a Virtual YouTuber. As in a Live Streamer or YouYuber that does all the things an ordinary YouTuber would do but instead behind the computer generated mask of a digital character. It's the promise of immersive online games like Second Life or World of Warcraft taken further, allowing people another avenue through which to explore a life other than their own via the power of the internet. 

That's magical, allowing folks who would ordinarily never have the chance to become beloved or successful. It's also extremely weird. Spending your life watching shadows on a screen puppet other shadows, to the point that they might seem more real than your flesh and blood reality proves that Plato was one hundred percent right two thousand years ago. The internet being the beast it is means that most VTubers take the shape of sexy anime girls, even those openly played by men. It also means that the VTuber community is full of drama and in-fighting, a perhaps inevitable extension of every space human beings create. I find this entire phenomenon extremely weird. How we are expected to commodify every mundane aspect of our personal lives. How we have replaced real celebrities with reality show celebrities, begetting internet celebrities, climaxing in the creation of public personalities and tastemakers who operate behind another, deeper layer of artificiality. How these graven images seem designed to replace real people we admire in our own lives, replace our own faces, until everything is covered by a shiny, digitally perfected sheen of un-reality. These big tiddy waifus are our new gods and they will someday blot out the glow of the sun, humanity retreating further into our caves to worship these idols with their massive eyes, tiny mouths, and pointy chins. This is why the only VTuber I watch is Vulo. 

Isn't it great how this "Sonic the Hedgehog" blog has become a place for me to reflect on how technology and late stage capitalism pushes us ever further towards the void? Anyway, why did I begin this rambling dissertation? VTubers have become such a common aspect of internet life that parodies and commercialized recreations of the format quickly sprang up. Yes, another degree of fakeness has been added to this already excruciatingly fake style of communication, the discussions being scripted before hand, the talking heads being played by actors, and the broadcast usually being created to shill a product. In March of 2022, an on-going series would launch on the official "Sonic the Hedgehog" YouTube channel called "TailsTube." These short animations use the visual signifiers of a VTuber – though I doubt they actually use motion capture rigs to animate them – to present the premise of the series: That you are watching an in-universe broadcast from Tails himself, as he answers questions from viewers and talks to his other famous friends. It's basically a fake talk show starring "Sonic" characters, the staggering evolution of the "interview fanfic" format that plagued websites two decades ago. 

Being an overly analytical dweeb, the mere set-up for "TailsTube" raises several questions in my brain. This suggests that some sort of equivalent to the modern internet exists in Sonic's world. That there are direct parallels to services like YouTube, Twitch and Twitter, where people can post and communicate with each other. Does this mean the residents of Sonic's world have smart phones? What wireless carrier does Shadow the Hedgehog use? The visual set-up for "TailsTube" resembles the little handheld computer Tails carries everywhere while the questions are clearly meant to be other established characters from this universe, seemingly operating from their own social media accounts. If cell phones exist on Sonic's world, who mines the lithium for the batteries that power them? How are payments processed in a universe seemingly without banks or currency? Is HedgehogNet a free service put out into the world by the Restoration? Where does the coal that burns that powers the towers that broadcast these electronic signals into the air come from??? I thought you guys were about protecting the planet, not exploiting it!!! 

Anyway, despite presenting more questions than it is prepared to answer, "TailsTube" seems to essentially be a program design to answer common fan questions about Sonic's universe in some sort of official capacity, not totally dissimilar to Ian Flynn's podcast. Flynn and other ascended fans like Tyson Hesse and Aaron Webber seemingly have some sort of hand in writing the program, which also includes explicit references to the events of IDW's comic book. In other words, "TailsTube" is another symptom of the in-mates taking over the asylum. It is a way for Flynn and his story team to bring a more defined degree of concrete continuity to Sonic's world as it exists in the games. Working towards a grander, united theory of blue hedgehog history. The kind of thing the suits at Sega and Sonic Team probably can't be bothered to care about but the obsessive fans of this franchise are extremely curious about. 

All of this means that "TailsTube" occupies some weird grey zone between an animated series, a podcast, a FAQs column, and – considering the episodes are sporadically uploaded usually when Sega has a new game to promote and never run longer than a few minutes – a commercial. Does a program like this warrant me writing long, detailed reviews for each one? Probably not! However, if I acknowledged "Sonic Mania Adventures" and the other little animations uploaded to YouTube by the official channel, I figure I should at least write about these things in some capacity. Whether or not I review each individual episode of "TailsTube" or handle them in bundles depends on how much information and character interactions each one contains. These truly aren't TV episodes but I figure I can find something to say about them. 

The first episode of "TailsTube" has Mr. Miles Prower interviewing his best blue bro, Sonic. They answer questions about the geography of this planet, the origins of the Chaos Emeralds, and what exactly the nature of Sonic's relationship to Amy Rose is. The questions seem to be from Dodon Pa, Tangle, Rouge, and the head of the Sonic Fan Club, furthering the connection between the games and the comics. The episode lays out a few nuggets of new or otherwise obscure bits of lore: Sonic's world is made up of continents, mostly occupied by humans, while thousands of islands populate the ocean and are mostly habitated by the furry animals. Tails is specifically from West Side Island. This seems to blend the world as presented in "Sonic Unleashed" with how it's presented in much of the rest of the games. We also learn that the marble patterns and loops of the landscape are totally natural, Amy is definitely just a friend, nobody actually knew the origins of the Chaos Emeralds at this time, and Sonic drives a race car sometimes because he thinks it's cool. 

This is all somewhat interesting background information. The most intriguing element revealed here is the idea that human civilization and the communities that Sonic and his friends live in are separate aspects of the same world. Does this suggest that modern cities, not all that different from Earth as we know, exist juuuust off-screen from the rolling hills and simple huts Sonic and the others live in? I don't find this to be an especially satisfying answer, as it implies that there's a massive and largely unexplored population and civilization out there that is, I guess, imperiled every time Eggman tries to conquer the world. It strikes me as a somewhat contrived way to justify the very different versions of Sonic's world as presented in the classic games and the comics versus the world as presented in the "Adventure" games, "Unleashed," and "Sonic '06." Sonic Team is still struggling to justify Sonic being presented as an animal out in the wilderness in most of the games versus the urban creature integrated with humanity as presented in the modern games. I suppose this is a better answer than shrugging your shoulders and saying "I guess there are two worlds???" 

This does present what is maybe "TailsTube's" most significant contribution to overall "Sonic" lore. No, I'm not referring to a long lingering world-building question that finally got resolved. As much as this fandom absolutely loves to argue about depictions of Sonic, his friends, their world, and powers in some futile quest to prove what the "real" Sonic is, that's a lot less important than something else: Who is this purpled haired lady? While discussing human society, Tails flashes an image of some of the people from "Sonic Unleashed" on-screen. Standing in the back is an adult woman with bouncy pink-ish/purple-ish curls, smoky eyeshadow, an orange hair clip, and wearing a military or scientific jump suit of some sort. Nobody knows who this character is. Since "Sonic" fans fucking love new characters, people immediately began to speculate endlessly about who this chick was. Was this a teaser of a new cast member to be introduced in the then-upcoming "Sonic Frontiers" or some other piece of "Sonic" media? Would she be an ally or an enemy? Did this indicate that humans would play a bigger role in the plot of the new game or whatever?

When asked on Twitter about Pink Haired Woman, Ian Flynn simply said "#KnowingSmile," his stock response when he can neither confirm nor deny anything but it'll probably be important later... Well, it's been two years and we haven't seen Pink Haired Woman since. The second only acknowledgement of her existence has been a split second cameo in the "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" trailer, seeming to confirm that she exists only as an in-joke at this point. My theory is that she was a rejected human character designed for "Sonic Unleashed" or maybe a future game at some point that never made it out of development. One can assume that her image was quite deliberately included in this cartoon but the fact that Sega has never done anything with her in all this time certainly seems to suggest this was a big fat ol' nothing of a teaser. Fan artists on the internet being who they are, and this mystery woman being the size of an average human mother, has led to a lot artwork of her being exactly what you'd expect. I doubt Sega has any plans for this design in the future – casting Pink Haired Woman into the same strata of "Sonic" apocrypha as Tiara Boobowski or Madonna – so that amount of R34 this one image generated is its greatest legacy at the moment. Maybe the comic will pay homage to her some day...

As for the rest of "TailsTube #1," what can be said about it? The question about the Chaos Emeralds, Sonic and Amy's relationship, and his use of race cars sometimes basically get non-answers. Sonic refuses to admit Amy Rose is anything but a friend, while acknowledging that she was his "number one fan" but is now a valued member of the team. Tails admits the Chaos Emeralds' true origins are unknown while pointing out some of the crazy shit they can do as plot devices. (Obviously, this was Flynn testing the waters on providing a more definitive background for the Chaos Emeralds that he would in "Sonic Frontiers.") I do think it is cute that, instead of merely answering these questions, these are presented as queries from Derpon Pew and Rouge in their own extremely self-serving ways. 

As for a piece of four minute long entertainment, "TailsTube #1" offers a little bit to a viewer. The simple animation is cute. The design of Tails' desktop features plenty of cute little in-jokes for fans, which are also present in the sound effects and musical cues. That Roger Craig Smith and Colleen O'Shaughnessy lend their voices to this short certainly makes it feel more like a "real" piece of "Sonic" media. These two have lived with these characters for so long now, that they can slip into these personalities so smoothly. It feels a lot like you are hanging out with friends, which is obviously the entire point of the VTuber format. I guess Sonic Team co-opting that to make these corporate mascots feel more "real" is weird. But I'm long used to having creepy quasi-parasocial relationships with these cartoon characters, so it doesn't set off my red flags any. I like the little interaction between them about sunglasses. Otherwise, this is certainly a thing that exists. I doubt I'll have as much to say about the future ones but I'll guess I'll watch them too. [6/10]